Queer Quarantine Zine

QUEER QUARANTINE

-a zine-

by matthew penado

latinx

every week i put on a hoodie and my green airforces. they're just a shade more saturated than my hair, which gets stares en la tienda i order un libra de carne asada and the guy responds to me in english, even though i asked for a pound in spanish.

i wear a mask my mom sewed for me. she said she wanted to use black fabric because " es un color de hombres" i still wear my evil eye earing, my mask covers my face, but it doesn't cover my slight accent when i ask for some honey ham in walmart. la senora very happily talks to me in spanish. i tell her bye. i introduce myself in a zoom meeting. it's the first time i physically hear another latinx say they use they/them pronouns. we talked of decolonization and education i asked my parents where we come from my mom says to make it up. i have to use myheritage.com i stare at myself in the mirror and wonder if i'll ever be able to safely go to my parent's home countries last time i was in el salvador my grandfather died i wonder if i attended two funerals that time, rather than just his

a rose gets pruned from time to time- cut and ripped apart to heal again and become something better.

USA

i'm so bored. i know i have uni work but i can't focus on it. i miss my friends, my community, and even badly parking in the lot by the health center. never could do it straight- as if anything about me is *laughs* i know others aren't doing well. how are you? take your time responding. if you need me to be more discrete i'll just email rather than call. send texts. use the cover of university. okay, lov you. take care.

're just talking and i lean in a bit closer, partly because everyone's so loud and i can't hear, but partly because there's nowhere else i'd like to be than millimetres from you.

usually hold eye contact,

loaded action, my heart shot and wounded every time, but i noticed your eyes wandered down and about my body

felt my skin burn at every glance

obscene thoughts

the length of your neck. the curve of it travels and falls underneath your black shirt. your necklace popped out, twinkling and just at your nape you smirked, and you always, always tease me but you were talking about class and not making light of me this time ("out of love" you say) your nimble hands, quick and fast touched the collar of your shirt my eyes dragged upon your torso a little further with each button you always mess with your hair. always mess with something (with me) your hair came loose, curling a bit and making you look wild. i wondered for just a second if your hair would look similarly lying against some bed sheets

every day i am slowly getting more comfortable in this body. especially when i don't have to dress for others, and i'm just lonesome in my own home. i only have to appease myself