LAUGHTER ....THE BEST MEDICINE ! A CHEMIST, A MECHANIC, A ELECTRICIAN, AND A COMPUTER PROGRAMMER WERE DRIVING IN A CAR WHEN IT BROKE DOWN.
“This must be because we’ve mixed the wrong fuel additive!” said the chemist. “Thats stupid !” said the mechanic. “This is clearly a mechanical problem. There must be something wrong with the engine.” “Both of you are wrong. The problem lies with the car wiring and the battery.” argued the electrician. The computer programmer sighed and said, “Guys, calm down. I think we should just close all the windows, turn off the car and turn it on again.”
I, BEING AN IRISH CATHOLIC, DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO CLEANSE MY SOUL.
I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church. Inside, I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. When the priest came in, I said to him, “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.” He replied, “You idiot , you’re on my side.”
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN IGNORANCE AND APATHY? I don’t know and I don’t care
I WAS FEELING A LITTLE DOWN, SO I TOLD MY DAD, “DAD, I FEEL WORTHLESS.”
Dad: Don’t forget that you have thousands of euros of student debt. So technically you’re less than worthless.
I GOT A JOB AS THE SENIOR ADMINISTRATOR OF THE OLD MCDONALD FARM I’m the CIEIO
A BLONDE CALLED HER BOYFRIEND AND SAID,
Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to put it together or how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde said, “ According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” He took her hand and said, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then.......” he sighed, ..... “Let’s put all of these Frosted Flakes back into the box.
JOHN AND HIS BUDDY DAVE ARE WATCHING THE GAME WHILE THEIR WIVES ARE CHATTING IN THE KITCHEN.
During a commercial break John mentions that he and his wife went to very nice restaurant the other day. “That’s nice, what was it called?” asks Dave “I can’t remember... What’s the name of that flower?” says John “Violet” Dave guesses “no, the red one” says John “Poppy” Dave guesses “no, no the on with the thorns” says John “Oh Rose!” exclaims Dave “Thanks” says John, he turns over his shoulder and yells “Hey Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to the other day?”
coffee morning
Date : Friday 13-11-15 Time : 10.30 - 12.00 Place : House , Abbey St. , Tralee
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TRALEE ADVERTISER
Friday 3rd May 2019
Call Chris or Colette Tel: 066-7126399 or e-mail : traleeadvertiser@gmail.com