AZAR RT
Since 1977
IC HO DONT
S
O
11 East Lockwood Avenue, Suite 100 314-968-1800 www.AzarOrthodontics.com
Community Camps 2013 Arts. Academics. Adventure.
Ages 3 - 13 June 10 - August 16 Staffed by Community School faculty. On Community’s beautiful 16-acre campus Full and half-day camps available
www.communityschool.com/camp 900 Lay Road 63124 314-991-0005
PHOTO BY COLIN MILLER OF STRAUSS PEYTON
Check out our convenient new office in Webster Groves. Offering complimentary consultation to all new patients.
[BACKTALK A NEW KIND OF ADVICE COLUMN by raschelle burton & patty hannum MY HUSBAND DOESN’T LIKE TO GET TOGETHER WITH ONE OF MY FRIENDS. HE FINDS HER GUESTS BORING AND SHE TENDS TO INVITE TOO MANY PEOPLE FOR HER LITTLE CONDO. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HER? —CRAMPED IN KIRKWOOD
PATTY: Say nothing to your friend, but can I suggest you dump your husband? Wait a minute, I don’t think I can say that, since this is not a marital advice column. I must admit I am a talker, so no matter where I go, I find someone to talk to. And as for over-inviting, guilty as charged! I once hosted a couples’ bridal shower with close to 50 people, intending for it to be on the patio. Of course it rained, so we moved the stuff out of our garage and added a ‘room’ to our house. True, it was during the days of keggers, but I recently saw one of the guest couples and they still bring up what a great time they had! Tell your husband to buck up and come to the party. If there are too many people, all boring, he can slip out unnoticed. Or better yet, just go to the party without him. RASCHELLE: I disagree, Patty. I think we can give marital advice; people should just remember it’s free and you get what you pay for. The bottom line is we all have to spend time with boring people, forced to don our fake smiles and chitty chat. It is difficult to be fully present in those moments, and who doesn’t want to be fully present and at peace with the universe? There’s nothing less appealing than being squished into a tiny room with a bunch of dullards. That’s why I firmly believe when you can choose your company, you may as well make it good company -- handsome, interesting, funny company—otherwise you’re just in a staff meeting, right? I CANNOT PULL INTO MY DRIVEWAY WITHOUT MY NEIGHBOR POPPING HER HEAD OUT TO SAY SOMETHING. EVEN BEING OUT IN THE YARD IS UNPLEASANT SINCE SHE WALKS OVER AND JUST STARTS TALKING. WHAT CAN I DO? —LIVING NEXT TO GLADYS KRAVITZ
PATTY: Have you thought about moving? I have never had a nosy neighbor, but she sounds like she is just lonely. Can you spare five minutes to chat with her? And yes, I know it is not ‘necessary.’ I am pretty sure when you signed the closing documents there wasn’t a clause that stated you had to chat with your neighbors. Can you enter your house through your garage? Or when she comes into your yard, be prepared to begin spraying for bugs and suggest she wear a gas mask ‘just in case.’ Don’t let her stop you from doing what you want in your own home. A firm, “I have to go” or “I really need to finish this book” or “My phone is ringing” should do the trick. If all else fails, remember: good fences make good neighbors. RASCHELLE: Oh, for a second there I thought you said you were living next to Lenny Kravitz, and that would be an entirely different answer. You’re more likely to succeed in conjuring up a unicorn with an ancient incantation than in making her the kind of neighbor you want. So stop wasting time. You must ignore her completely. Don’t look at her, don’t wave, don’t smile, don’t answer her questions and, for the love of God, don’t answer the phone or the door. If you’re in your yard and she approaches, run into the house, flailing your arms so there’s no mistaking that you’re running from her. You have to be more than firm with a person like this; she’s never going to understand nuance. And who knows, maybe she’ll move out and Lenny will move in. >> RASCHELLE BURTON MAKES A FABULOUS MARTINI. HERE’S THE RECIPE: POUR EQUAL PARTS VODKA AND VERMOUTH DOWN THE DRAIN AND DRINK THE BOURBON INSTEAD. >> PATTY HANNUM DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOURBON, WHISKEY AND RYE, WHICH IS WHY SHE DRINKS BEER.
12 |
TOWN&style
|
MARCH 13, 2013