The Edge 274A new_The Edge 172.qxd 7/22/2019 1:39 PM Page 27
LACK OF NECKWEAR I’ve now reached that age which I really never thought would arrive. I’m fully retired, qualified for my bus pass and all manner of other ‘senior’ discounts, including the fabled ‘OAP fish & chip lunchtime special’. So what exciting things can you write about when you’ve gone past your sell-by-date and find yourself being defined as a pensioner? All of us who’ve reached that age when getting up during the night is part of ones normal routine (more of which later) will have noticed the absence of ties that used to adorn the necks of the professionals that we used to seek advice and reassurance from during the majority of our lives. This ranges from Prime Ministers, most MPs, to Doctors and even Bank Managers. In my rapidly ageing mind, I’m convinced that some of the political crisis that we find ourselves stuck with today is due to this lack of neckwear that many of our leaders and professionals insist is part of their everyday uniform. In my view, this group of partially clothed ministers going off to do battle with their opposite numbers in Europe are already at a disadvantage, with the
Europeans looking crisp and sharp in their Hugo Boss suits, white shirts and carefully knotted ties, all looking intimidating and professional, whilst our mob, with their open collars and rumpled suits, look like schoolboys given the afternoon off. So it’s really no surprise that we’re always failing to get a deal.
of our country are a direct result of all too often going tieless and wearing poor quality, half-buttoned shirts. And if you don’t believe me, look at when the last banking crisis occurred. It coincided with the shift to casual clothing in the city and had nothing to do with subprime mortgages.
The real problem is what Jerry Seinfeld defined as the ‘second button’, which if set too low makes you look like one of those sixties pop stars without the medallion, and if set too high makes you look like you just got dressed in a hurry.
In a similar manner, ‘Tulip Mania’ in Holland in the mid 17th Century, with its massive swings in the price of tulip bulbs, which everybody compares to the current house price bubble, coincided with the change in men’s neckwear from the elegant ruff to the open neck shirt with its lace collar. So if we want to keep our country politically and economically stable, don’t mess with the neckwear!
If you’re going to go tieless, take a leaf out of both President Clinton’s and Barack Obama’s dress code. They always looked terrific, sharp and emanated power in a simple polo shirt and jacket and nobody ever threatened those guys. Or for an even more menacing look, they could try the Iranian approach. Their ministers in their carefully constructed colarless shirts gives them an aura of ‘don’t mess with me, you don’t know what I’m capable of’. So in my aged addled mind, I’m completely convinced that the ills
TECHNOLOGY Do you ever wonder where all that touch screen technology came from? One minute we had keyboards and a thing called a mouse (why?) and the next it was all on your phone. Only now we have a thing called a cloud, which I can never see when I look up at the sky, but we’re told it’s all around us (where?). Only now I’ve read about the fact that the cloud is being filled up and is running out of space? I always
thought that space was infinite, so how come we’re running out of it? I’m utterly convinced that all of these new developments are a product of alien technology, maybe from Area 51 in the Nevada Desert, or some agreement that our governments have made with an extra terrestrial trading partner. If you’re not convinced, just think about it. In 2007 we had mobile phones that simply made calls and sent text messages. By the following year the phone was suddenly able to control all manner of things related to our lives and all we had to do was touch its screen. Nowadays everyone has one. So who’s controlling all of this?
Ant Middleton YOU
live in Chelmsford these days
So do you read
EDGE?
the
shaun@theedgemag.co.uk The Edge 077 646 797 44
Page 27