Chapter One I needed to acknowledge that Gurjit was going to die. Yet I still ignored the dreaded thought as I moved to another level of belief, the belief that the whole dreaded experience was a lie. For I knew that if it was a lie I would not have to think about Gurjit lying there dying or dead. It sounds ridiculous, considering that only minutes before I had been dreading the journey home, and now all of a sudden I believed that no matter what the doctors said or what I feared, Gurjit was going to pull through, because everything had been a test of faith. My mind pushed and challenged all the thoughts that were present. I knew that the fear had created certain vulnerabilities - eg, was there any point in ignoring what was taking place? I went off to make three phone calls to friends who were so close that they were practically part of our family. I relayed the circumstances that were unfolding and asked them to pray. At this stage I had a renewed hope, a hope of a miracle, which meant that no matter what happened it could change. As I finished making the calls, my nephews Bal and Ami arrived along with my sister Dee. The look on their faces was full of gloom. We made only eye contact, because at first none of us were able to utter a word. Our silence spoke the inner agony we felt. The fearful look in each other’s eyes was signalling that we would have to face a lot more pain, while knowing it would be a hundred times more intense for Dilly and the girls. As I was thinking about this, my body began to shiver again, even though it was not cold. I tried to ensure this was not projected in my voice, as I still attempted to install a glimmer of hope and faith that in spite of the bleakness of the circumstances there would be a way out. We all went to Gurjit and I looked at Ami’s face etched with bewilderment and disbelief. He was unable to form any words when he saw his uncle lying down with all the monitors and tubes attached to his body.
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