CHANGE
MOMTAGE The Blessing of Change WRITTEN BY Mikaela Rencher
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lthough not as terrifying as bringing home my first child, I still had some anxiety bringing Hartley home. I worried about how she would fit into our family and how I’d be able to maintain my closeness and relationship with her and my husband. There’s something about bringing a new baby home that sparks emotions of all sorts. As some of our readers may know, we brought home our 2nd baby girl, Hartley, at the end of March. Although not as terrifying as bringing home my first child, I still had some anxiety bringing Hartley home. With Myla I worried if I had everything I needed, and worried about how I was going to take care of her. With H, I worried about how she would fit into our family and how I’d be able to maintain my closeness and relationship with her and my husband. The night before I went in to have H, I wrote this in my journal: “On this day, the day before you are born, I am feeling a little anxious, a little excited, and a little unsure. I’m unsure of the outcome [of delivery], unsure of the process, unsure of the
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impact you will have on our family. I’m feeling emotional towards Myla, wondering how your arrival will affect her. But then your daddy said to me, “One day, she will thank us for giving her a little sister.” It’s so true. I’m so glad my parents gave me my siblings. I love them with all of my heart, and my life would have been so much less fun and meaningful without them. They are some of my best and closest friends today. I also think about the immense joy that Myla has brought to daddy and me, and I know that you will bring us just as much joy! Seeing you grow, watching you develop, learning who you are, what your personality is like–these are my favorite things. Seeing you tomorrow will fill a space in my heart that I don’t even know is empty today.” I read that journal entry a couple weeks after Hartley was born, and it put a big smile on my face. I could never have imagined how much more joy and love another little human could bring into our family. “What was I so afraid of?” I asked myself. The answer came so clearly into my mind, it was like a bolt of
lightning: change. Change? Really? I had always embraced change in my life and even looked forward to it. Why was this experience throwing me for a loop? It’s easy to see a big change coming in our future and start letting fear creep in. We’ve all probably experienced this at one point or another–starting high school, starting college, starting a new job, marriage, having a baby, moving to a new city and many others. Each new experience brings with it new challenges, but also new gifts. One of these gifts is growth. The day before I went in to have H, I was having some early-morning