Pugwash News - Issue 06 by Tom Worman

AT THE UNION ON THURSDAY 13TH

See page 3

Jacob Leverett News Editor

The University of Portsmouth Students’ Union VIP volunteering team have won an impressive national award. The Volunteering In Portsmouth team were recognised as Volunteering Team of The Year. The award was presented to the committee of VIP by Higher Educaton Volunteering awards with celebrity Danny Wallace announcing the winners. As members of the team collected the award from a prestigous event at Wembley Stadium, the rest of the team worked intently on ensuring that VIP’s next event was prepared and ready. Without resting on their laurels the team threw themselves into preparing and running two separate Christmas events for parts of the community. The award was presented on Friday 7th of December and over the weekend that followed VIP successfully ran a Christmas dinner and activities for children with learning difficulites, and a Christmas dinner

for elderly members of the local community. The disabled children’s event attracted a positive response, with parents thanking students for donating their “own time, that everyone put into this event for these very special kids”. Both functions are very popular and the team tirelessly attempted to accomodate as many people as possible to these events. The team also hold regular events helping local disabled children and other vunerable sections of the community. VIP are also looking for anyone with a burning desire or suggestion on a project that this award winning team could become involved with. If you have such an idea, get in touch. Steve Topazio, the VIP Vicepresident was proud that this award was presented to an organisation that is relatively new in its creation and that the team was honoured with the award, as this was the first year that the team was entirely student led rather than directed by UPSU staff members. VIP runs much as any other society or sports club within UPSU - with committees - but it has its primary functions as helping the local community, the environment and others

Public service announcements

Volunteers FREE ENEMY GIG Scoop National Award Portsmouth’s official student newspaper

pugwash news

Issue 6 Wednesday 12.12.07 upsu.net/news

Inside... NEWS

Shopping boost, French liberation, Prayer room & NewsBITES. Pages 2 - 3

FEATURES

Girls’ night in, Homelessness, Top-up Fees, & Sailing. Pages 4 - 7

REVIEWS

American Gangster, The Killers, Kano, & Foals Page 8

SPORTS

The Netball Report; a full round up of match reports from our netball teams. VIP would like to thank everyone that has volunteered this year for all their events, the team would also especially like to thank Steve Baker a member of the UPSU staff and Diana Langford 2006/07 Student Activites and Development Officer for all their hard work last year.

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that need the team’s help. There are many projects taking place in the Portsmouth area that need more enthusiastic and capable volunteers such as the VIP team to make them work. The team claim that one day a volunteer could be building a play area for a children’s group; another time you might be helping to do the accounts for a charity or in the woods landscaping.

For more information or to get involved with VIP visit: upsu.net/vip

Seasons Greetings

RAG News

Calling all students!

Pugwash News & Purple Wednesdays is the Union’s student newspaper. If you have something to shout about, from burning issues to match reports, comment to features, or you want to photograph, design or help lay the paper up, get in touch!

Union Xmas opening hours

University ID cards set to change

Happy holidays!

Do a little dance

The Union won’t be closing its doors as soon as term finishes: we’re open until the weekend before Christmas, and re-open on the 3rd January 2007. Opening hours: Sat 15th Dec: closed, Sun 16th: closed, Mon 17thFri 21st: open 9am-4pm, Sat 22ndTue 2nd Jan 2008: closed, Wed 3rdFri 5th: open 9am-4pm, Sat 6th & Sun 7th: closed, Mon 8th - back to normal opening hours. You can find full opening hours and emergency contact details online at the web address below.

Some students’ Campus cards will become invalid at the beginning of January. This is due to a change in the system used to manage the information held on the cards. If your card has its expiry date in December you can exchange your card in the University Library at the following times: 10th December - 14th December 9.30am - 7.30pm 15th & 16th December 11am - 2pm 17th December - 21st December 9.30am - 4.30pm -JL

The editors and contributors, along with everyone involved with the creation of Pugwash News, Pugwash, UPSU.net and all the staff and Sabbs at UPSU would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, Happy Hanukkah and generally happy holidays. Have a fun time away from Uni and we hope to see you all bright eyed and bushy tailed come the first day of term. Be safe, get your work done and don’t drink too much!

The DVD of the Sportos dance off competion is available from the Union. The DVD will cost £5 which will be donated to the RAG charities. To request your copy of the DVD contact the UPSU sports officer, Simon ‘Darby’ Leach, who incidently fell over in the AU Exec’s dance routine. The DVD will also include exclusive backstage footage of the dance off and the practice sessions, along with the parts of dances that were dropped from the final routine -JL

More info: upsu.net/directory/times

Info: http://tinyurl.com/yq3t5l

Visit: http://tinyurl.com/2gdpzb

More info: www.upsu.net

...MORE SPORTS

Results and Fixtures, Match reports, On the Spot, & Gotchas. Pages 10-12

Want to write for your newspaper?

More info: www.upsu.net/p/2166

Inbox

News www.upsu.net/diary

Pugwash News

Redevelopment for Pompey city centre Franz Lieber

Redevelopment of Portsmouth City centre has reached another milestone. The plan to build a new shopping area in the North End of the city has been approved and central government have supported the proposals. The development, which will be constructed behind the Cascades Shopping centre, will occupy the area where the Tricorn Centre once stood. The new development will house new large department stores and is intended as a rejuvenation of Commercial Road and its surrounding areas. Initial planning permission was granted but the council are facing difficulty acquiring areas of land. Due to this the Council approached the government to seek support; Hazel Blears, the Secretary of State Communities and Local for Government announced that the council now has permission to use compulsory purchase orders (CPOs). These orders allow the council to force land owners to sell the property to the developers rather than allowing the sale of small plots of land hold up the continuing development. When a CPO goes ahead, the council will pay affected landown-

Pugwash news & Purple Wednesdays

“Small print”

Contacting us

Produced fortnightly by the University of Portsmouth Students’ Union (UPSU). Printed by Quotemeprint www.quotemeprint.com, 0845 130 0667, and now printed on 100% recycled paper - Swampy, rejoice! Pugwash News & Purple Wednesdays bears no allegiance to any political party and discriminates against no-one.

To get in touch with the Pugwash News & Purple Wednesdays team, please visit www.upsu.net/newsdesk, e-mail us at newsdesk@upsu.net, call us via the Union’s Media & Publications Officer at 023 9284 3657, or visit us at The Student Centre, Portsmouth Students’ Union, Cambridge Road, Portsmouth, Hampshire, PO1 2EF.

Omission: Prof Pilkington is not the UoP Director of Research. He is Director of Research for the School of Pharmacy & Biomedical Sciences. We apologise for any confusion.

Errors & omissions: while we take every care to verify our content, we may occasionally make mistakes. Please contact us using the details above to report any inaccuracies or mistakes.

Editorial Team

Contributors

Editors

Thanks for this issue go to:

Editor: Laura Patricia News Editor: Jacob Leverett Design Editor: Tom Worman Features Editor: Chris Burden Sports Editor: Tim Edwards Reviews Editor: Aakash Naik Web Editor: Luke Simmonds Sub Editors Design: Andy Donohoe, Kev Wilkins Features: Steph Hall, Matt Blackall Reviews: Tallie Kane, Ed Butterfield Sports: Peppa Barnett, Marisa May Web: Jonathon Goddard

Wednesday 12th December 2007

Jack, Mutley, Josie Afolabi, Sam Barnes, Caz Bird, Tim Bowditch, Guy Brearey, Will Byars, Lucy Carter, Haydn Cockford, Felicity Dickson, Tom Ducat, Maz Elsahhar, Ben Endley, Wayne Gardiner, Elle Gray, Chloe Harman, William Hobson, Tiffany Lee, Jenny Leggot, Franz Lieber, Michael Lindley, Gareth Nash, Ben Norman, Elizabeth O’Neil, Ben Pewson, Danielle Clare Roots, Gemma Sears, Elliot Staker, Adam Sunman, Tom West and Emma Wicks. Also, anyone we’ve forgotten!

ers a fair market price for their property, in accordance with the government's national compensation code. They can also be given relocation help by the council. Cllr Mike Hancock, the council Executive Member for Planning, and Economic Regeneration Development said "I hope those people who want to challenge this decision will consider the effects on the city of what they are trying to achieve”. The proposals confirmed are expected to bring in excess of 2,000 jobs to the area, with an expected 4,500 temporary construction jobs created. Redevelopment of the whole Northern Quarter will provide up to 96,200 sqm retail floorspace along with 6,650 sqm to be used for leisure purposes along with 200 flats and appartmens and a 150 bed hotel. The landowners within the development zone have pledged to fight the CPOs and believe that they are being squeezed out and have not been offered an adequate price for their property. For more information on the development and the proposals visit: www.northernquarter.info

Time Wasting

Mini Sudoku

Pugwash News

News

Wednesday 12th December 2007

The Fortnight’s Politics Adam Sunman

Russian election ‘fixed’

The recent elections in Russia “failed to meet many OSCE and Council of Europe commitments and standards for democratic elections," A joint observer team of the Organisation for Security and Co-operation in Europe (OSCE) and the Council of Europe have declared that the elections held in Russia, used fraudulent methods for Putin, the encumbent president, to win the Election. The Communist Party of Russia has said that they will legally challenge the result, and will decide soon whether to boycott the new parliament or not.

Chavez will have to go

Libération! The fight for Autonomy Words: Tallie Kane

Over the course of the last month, mass protests, blockades and demonstrations by students have filled the streets surrounding France’s Universities, calling for autonomy from the government agenda of ‘privatisation-by-stealth’ in of higher education. The reform of the Law on the Autonomy of Universities, places large amounts of power into the hands of the University Directors, giving them the ability to overthrow decisions made by a student-elected Union Council. The protesters believe that this agenda ultimately encourages the board of directors into turning the University into a largely undemocratic ‘business’. Solomon Schonfield, a student at the University of Sussex, travelled to Paris VIII University in Saint-Denis; students here have

occupied their university for three weeks. Schonfield reported on how much is needed to change in the higher education systems in the U.K. Schonfield reported “after our trip, we realised the need for change not in the system, but in the organisation of the students”, arguing that the NUS had become a “null system, which essentially answers to the wishes of the university boards.” “Student power and representation that was originally the purpose of the NUS to support has been lost. Instead the priorities of making money, which is needed to keep the university 'company' afloat, have taken over.” Schonfield also commented on the successful effects that the French students had in their mobilisation of the protest, pushing the need for “separate national network of Universities in the UK involved with simply working for

“

what the NUS has recently been ignoring”.

the NUS had become a “null system

The protests in France show an international example of the potential that students have in regards to reformation of a situation that damages the rights of the student. In the duration of the protests, many Universities, Colleges and Secondary Schools have been occupied, causing normal proceedings to be disrupted. Some critics of the protestors have outlined the action as nothing more than students using a political umbrella as an excuse to cause criminal damage and to avoid studies.

The Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez’s proposals to amend the constitution were overthrown. The amendments included an end presidential term limits, and the removal of the Venezuelan Central Bank's autonomy. The Opposition to Chavez could barely hide their delight and that the victory will give less of a mandate to Mr Chavez's self-styled "Socialist revolution”.

suggesting that we may have underestimated their intelligence.

A dog which 2 inherited $12m (£5.8m) from a US hotel

tycoon is in hiding amid death threats... not from us though, clearly!

Judges in India have 3 called two hindu gods to give evidence in a

property dispute. Judge Sunil Kumar Singh called the gods Ram and Hanuman to give evidence.

A toilet which flushes 4 to the sound of Italy's national anthem has been

impounded by police in northern Italy, sparking great patriotic debate.

Outcry over Teddy

Scientists have 5 discovered the first gene which appears to

In Sudan, the country has been split by a British teacher’s fate. The teacher allowed her pupils to name the class teddy bear ‘Muhammad’. In Khartoum, the Sudanese Government came under increased pressure from two clear groups that emerged. Some wanted to send Gillian Gibbons back to court as they believe the 15-day sentence is too lenient. Some protesters took to shouting “She Must be Killed by the Sword”. A team of British peers however secured the teachers release and she has now returned to the UK.

Solomon Schonfield

increase the odds of being left-handed.

Campaign News

sus between all the parties involved in the discussion was that the preferred option was to investigate the University library as a potential space. Elle Gray, UPSU President, said: "We're really happy there is progress on this issue as we have been asking for this for the past year". The University's existing prayer space, in the University's Chaplaincy Centre, is only available during daytime hours, with students requiring a suitable prayer space outside of these having to walk to a nearby Mosque in Southsea for their evening prayers.

Amazing find of 6 dinosaur 'mummy'. Fossil hunters have

uncovered the remains of a dinosaur that has much of its soft tissue still intact.

Entertainment News

Prayer Room at University

The University and the Students' Union have agreed that space for an Islamic prayer area should be found as soon as possible, putting an end to the stalled negotiation process. The meeting on 7th of December, which was attended by key University and Union staff and representatives of the Islamic Society, marked the turning point in the debate to find a suitable location for the University's large Islamic community to utilise. This development brings an afterhours Islamic prayer space one step closer for Islamic students at Portsmouth University. The consen-

Young chimps have 1 beaten students in scientific memory tests,

We won The Enemy!

The Union also clarified that the Islamic Society is an official UPSU Society with the University at the meeting. The meeting was attended by members of the University of Portsmouth Islamic Society, University Estates and IT director John Turner, University Chaplain Peter Jones, UPSU President Elle Gray and the Student Activities Officer Ben Norman. - JL Discuss your thoughts on this topic on the UPSU website at: http://tinyurl.com/2ryucd

The Enemy will be playing a live set at the Union on Thursday 13th December. This gig will be free to University of Portsmouth Students who have claimed their tickets. The band playing for free became a reality as the Union won a competiton run by a mobile internet company. The competition asked students to sign up for a messaging service and then to vote for their University. A last minute campaign at Purple Wednesday on the 5th December pushed Portsmouth to the top of the league ahead of nine other Universities including Plymouth and Loughborough.

The competiton promoter website shows that Portsmouth had 21% of the vote whilst the nearest competitor Plymouth Uni had a mere 15%. Portsmouth Union has been a mass of advertising and gimmicks to encourage students to become involved and vote for Portsmouth. Questions have been raised at other student unions about the method promoters used to encourage votes, including free alcohol and entry into clubs. - JL To find out more visit: http://tinyurl.com/36a49l

Pugwash News

News and Features

Victorian Festival of Christmas

Sleepout for the homeless

This winter, the staff at Central Point are in the process of planning a ‘sleep-out’ to raise awareness about homelessness in the city. A student who graduated from the University of Portsmouth last year has now got a job at Central Point, a homelessness day centre in North End. They offer a change of clothing, showers, a hot meal for only 50p, ‘Big Issue’ self employment and training, and assistance in employment, accommodation and drug and mental health problems. At the moment they are planning the event to take place in January and they’re hoping that students will go along and show their support. One of their vendors, Ray, is also planning to dress as Father Christmas and vend the ‘Big Issue’ outside the Union in the run up to Christmas and they hope that students will be very generous. Christmas is a very difficult time for homeless people and we hope that everyone will show their support.

Would you rather? Chris Burden Features Editor

The hottest new craze (at least in my world) is the new obsession with ‘would you rather…?’ This is the amazingly fun game of asking people the most random question you can think of, in the form of ‘would you rather option A or option B?’ It’s especially entertaining to ask people you don’t know too well because that’s when the answers are the most shocking and they’re great icebreakers! I can’t remember how many hours my friends and I have spent in the pub discussing the answers to hundreds of these questions, and you’d be surprised how deep we can get sometimes! So I thought that I would spread this obsession further to you guys.

Comment

Your Views

In this, the comments section, we intend to outline some of the debates, arguments and conversations going on amongest you, the students. This issue Chloe Harman sparks a debate into the situation in Sudan and the representation in the media. If you would like to join in, visit the forums at: upsu.net/forums If you have something you think needs to be discussed let us know at:

comment@upsu.net

If something has really irritated you this week email us at: gind-

mygears@upsu.net

Wednesday 12th December 2007

Steph Hall

Top-up fees? Thanks, but no thanks Jonathon Goddard

I'd like to introduce myself; I'm one of those students that panicked halfway through their second year, had a nervous breakdown and went home without a degree. It's a long and boring story, but I've come back to university again, and this time I'm staring down the barrel of unbelievable costs. I was a victim of that brave and bold move by the current government to push every A-Level holding school-leaver into higher education, and I just wasn't mentally prepared for it then. They've now U-Turned and decided that I, and anyone else in my position, should not be eligible for a fees loan. I've paid the price of that misjudgement, twice over and now I find myself paying again. I'm twenty four years old now, coming back to the same uni to study a different course, and now I have to pay £3,070 per year, even though last time I was here (three years ago), I paid my own fees yearly at a third of the cost. As if that wasn't enough, rent has gone up about £40 per month and I have to work my free time away just to get by. It's hardly conducive to a high standard of coursework or attention span. I did some maths, and essen-

tially, with my fees coming out, and me not working, I'm expected to live on around £300 a year, including rent. That's none too sharp, is it? Her Majesty's Government seems to be of the opinion that being a student is a luxury, and that everyone can have a fulfilling life without a degree nowadays. I came back to university to fulfil my own potential, only to see it smothered by bureaucracy and political points-scoring. And because I went back to live with my family, I won't be eligible for a maintenance grant, because my parents earn too much. Never mind that they also have to other sons to support and a house to run, and that I'm an adult in my own right, that's nothing, is it? My parents can just throw all their money at ME instead. This whole stance taken by the Student Loans Company (SLC) and its partners in government smacks of money over people, which hardly supports the corporate vision of the SLC. The inflexibility of their rules is not only insulting, it's iniquitous and unhelpful. It would be fascinating to see the difference in dropout rates between first-time freshers and returning dropout students and maybe then the SLC could make a fair comparison and see what kind of investment they're making. Or

Teddy bears or dying children? News of the teacher Gillian Gibbons’ release from a Sudanese prison bought relief to many in the West and dominated the headlines. Gibbons had been working in the turbulent region as a teacher and had caused deep offence to many Muslims after allowing her class to name a teddy bear Mohammed. The school teacher faced charges of inciting hatred and disregard of Islam. She escaped lashings and incarceration in a Sudanese prison thanks to pressure by British Muslims to pardon her. The interest in this case has been immense in both the media and political sphere. Gibbons was in essence a victim of misunderstand-

ing and clearly did not deserve the treatment she received in Sudan. Thankfully her story will not have the harrowing end that so many of the Sudanese population continue to face. The level of media attention that Sudan has received over the last few weeks disturbed me. In fact, I cannot recall such a vast amount of airtime dedicated to this region on the news channels. This is hard to reckon with, as acts of genocide and human rights violations affect thousands in Darfur all the time. Human Rights Watch reported that towns are being burned to the ground whilst innocents are raped and murdered. As a result the death toll is rocketing whilst the spread of

upsu

maybe some sort of means testing or assessment of people in my situation to analyse the likelihood of failure. See, I may be ranting, but I'm constructive too! Oh, and while we're ranting, let me turn the spotlight on the kinds of people who made the decision to allow top up fees. They'll be the ones who got their degrees with a nonassessed student grant, paid no fees and lived on low-cost rent. It makes sense that they'd try to make it inaccessible to the rest of us. Burn your bridges, don't let the plebs across. Of course, it's so very easy to naysay my side of this argument, and cry out “but Jon, that's just the politics of envy. You're jealous of their success, and you think you deserve what they have.” Funnily enough, yes I do think I deserve what they have. I think my contributions to the discussion have been a damn-sight more useful and fair than theirs. So next time you're tucking into your beans on toast, and cursing the student loans company, remember you're not the only one being screwed. And remember that you have a voice, use it! The Socialist Students Society is making a noise about it, join in!

disease worsens, claiming more and more lives, particularly within refugee camps. It could be argued these issues deserve more coverage than a Brit facing fifteen days imprisonment. Civil war in an African country may make for tiresome reading or viewing everyday but a gross lack of prioritisation in the media became particularly obvious in this case. The degree of coverage regarding the trial and release of Gibbons was profuse, irresponsible and quite embarrassing when one considers the atrocities occurring in Darfur in relation to a possible fifteen day sentence. Mohammed the teddy story is clouding the really pressing issues of

On 2nd of December, Portsmouth Historic Dockyard presented a Victorian Festival of Christmas. For £10, you could go anywhere you liked, including a walk around the war ships HMS Victory and HMS Warrior. Despite the torrential rain and gale force winds, it was a well turned-out, entertaining day. Everyone was in high spirits, including the poor people who were dressed in Victorian attire parading around the site! (Although they may have been warmer than we were!) It really got everyone into the festive mood with mulled wine and roasted chestnuts on offer. Amongst many other stalls set up, there were comedy shows, street fights, traditional Scottish bagpipe players, a steam train and various stage acts. Since I had not visited the Dockyard before, it was much more enjoyable than I imagined. My initial impression was that it was not of any interest to me. I did not think walking around a ship would be a lot of fun but I was very wrong. It was fascinating to experience a piece of history and I gained a real insight into what life was like on a war ship. It was also educational as I discovered about how the sailors lived, what happened if anyone was injured and what happened during an attack - it was pretty gruesome stuff! At this time of year we can all get caught up in deadlines and Christmas shopping so it was nice to do something different and fun and to go somewhere I would not normally go. It also gave me the chance to learn more about Portsmouth and its history. The day ended with a parade of all the people involved, whose passion didn't waver despite the abominable weather. This was followed by Christmas carols in the Boathouse. It was a magical end to a fantastic day and I'll be looking forward to the festival next year. I thoroughly recommend that you check it out next year too!

human rights violation in Sudan in the context of the current civil war. Subsequently, the representation of Sudan of late in the press may result in a sizable amount of the population being aware of Mohammed the teddy case rather than the desperate situation in Darfur. Perhaps the media will show more interest in Darfur in ten years time with a Hollywood blockbuster that shocks and angers the masses? Genocide tends to sell more copies after it’s happened, when it’s too late. This will hardly compensate for the terror and loss the region's citizens experience or the lack of representation of this by today’s mainstream media. Chloe Harman

Pugwash News

Wednesday 12th December 2007

Features

An Englishman Sabb Corner Ben Norman in France Tom West

Tom West, a foreign exchange student from the University of Portsmouth, tells us all about his adventures in Toulouse, France, in his regular column.

Arriving at Ellis Island in New York, early European immigrants had two options: to immerse themselves in the culture of the country where they had chosen to live, becoming one with their new home, or to isolate themselves from cultural influences, thereby living in ignorance and wasting opportunities to integrate. Coming here wasn’t exactly on that scale, but it shared the same principle. Should I seek to become as culturally integrated as possible during my stay, or should I lock myself away in my room, sitting there watching any opportunities pass me by through the window? I opted for the former, thinking “if you can’t beat them, join them”. France has developed many parallels with England (they have chavs too), so it’s hard to find something really French to get involved with. I hoped to find my answer around my age group; what do young French people do? According to the few I’ve actually managed to converse with, they hang out with friends, go shopping, go clubbing, go to the cinema... Does that sound familiar, anyone? I could go and do what I do in England but with French people, absorbing how they do it, but the opportunities to make French friends are few. I’ve met countless French people when I’ve gone out with non-French friends I’ve made here, and, as we announce our various nationalities they ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ until I tell them I’m English, then they boo! Loads of French people don’t want to know us, and the few who do aren’t around when you need them. It gets me down some-

times, but hey, chin up, boobs out and on with the show! Then, if that wasn’t bad enough, we foreigners are constantly herded together, like exotic cattle that need to be seen together simultaneously so that people believe we exist. Sixty-two trees’ worth of paper gets shoved up my nose every week advertising some bar’s “foreign student night” (I’ve been once, out of curiosity - I’d sooner cut my bum off and sit in vinegar than go again) at which the only French people are the staff and a few students who’ve come to practice their English. They absolutely refuse to speak French with you, something that results in either very odd bilingual conversations or them shouting at you for speaking French. Well, excuse me for coming to your country and wanting to speak your language! I think I’m gradually becoming more French, though. I sometimes go for long afternoons in quaint cafés. Indeed, I’ve found very few foreign students where I go, so I think I’m doing something right. I’ve also become the first male customer in a local yarn shop since 1682, where, thanks to the lovely ladies there who don’t speak English, I always speak French. I bought some lovely yarn and I’ve crocheted myself a beret. That’s right, I proudly own and wear a beret! Come on, could I get more French than that?

Beret Photo by amazing_podgirl

Comic Strip - The Gribbler by Will Byars

Student Activies and Development

Elle Gray UPSU President

History is full of villains and, traditionally, Christmas is all about those villains getting a good dose of festive cheer with a side portion of appropriate guilt. They then repent just in time for the big day, thereby calling an end to their evil ways and moving to the right side of wrong. Charles Dickens, one of Portsmouth’s famous sons, proved this point with the character Ebenezer Scrooge and this is reinforced every year, albeit in Muppet form. This week I’ve realised that occasionally we can all go down the road less travelled and even the best intentioned can become Scrooge. When attempting to organise this year’s VIP Christmas dinner for local senior citizens I may have accidentally invited too many. Fearing that we would be awash with blue-rinse and swamped by a marauding mass of the elderly I found myself having to un-invite some of the prospective OAPs. I’ve little doubt that, as I type, a cadre of

incensed senior citizens are pooling their pensions in order to put a contract on my head for ruining their Christmas. So in the name of transparency I write to you, the students, my bosses, to inform you that your Activities and Development Officer has crossed the line and now resides on the dark side. Sorry. On the brighter side, our VIP group have won the prestigious ‘Best Team’ entry at the Higher Education Volunteering Awards, officially making VIP the best volunteering team in the country! All credit must go to the student VIP committee, the student team leaders, my predecessor Diana Langford and also membership services manager Steve Baker for all their dedication and hard work. Right, that’s enough from me. I’m sure I’ve got some more evil deeds to work on. I hope you all have a merry Christmas and I hope to see you all in my office causing grief in the New Year.

I can’t believe how fast this term has gone, and by the sound of it neither can many of you guys! We have had a roller-coaster time in the Union and it’s so good to see all the great stuff going on in the Ethics, Equality and Diversity Committee, RAG events (the Dance-Off was awesome!), Volunteering, Sports successes, Society events and, of course, our wonderful Media team! The Christmas break should be the perfect time to rest and recover, and spare a thought for those who are lonely or suffering in the world. If you can take a break from the Eastenders Christmas special (and if there was any better excuse for putting off that coursework), go and see any elderly neighbours and bring them a mince pie. Wishing you loads of Peace, Love and Happiness for the New Year!

“It’ll never happen to me” is what many students remark when confronted with literature everywhere they go on the university campus, warning them of the symptoms of meningitis. But in reality you should take note and be aware of this killer infection, which strikes down several students every year. However, it isn’t just students who can suffer from meningitis; it affects people of all ages from babies up to the elderly. The scary thing is that three thousand people every year contract this disease and this amounts to approximately eight new cases every day! But just how dangerous is meningitis? As you may be aware there are several different strains of the disease, one of which you should

have had an injection to prevent, and they affect people in different ways. Unfortunately, all of these ways are negative and one in ten people who contract meningitis die, with many more suffering from permanent disability. Not a nice thought for a fit and healthy student, but meningitis is notorious for killing normally healthy people in hours. So, what can you do to be more alert? The main thing that anyone can do is keep a watchful eye out for any of the following symptoms: -Fever/Vomiting -Severe headache -Stiff neck/Joint pains -Dislike of bright lights -Very sleepy/Vacant/Difficult to wake

-Confused/Delirious -A rash anywhere on the body (that doesn’t fade under a glass tumbler) The main problem with these symptoms is that some of them are also commonly associated with a bad hangover, something even more common with our student population. However, if you or your mates have a few of these symptoms and it’s out of the ordinary then call NHS Direct or contact your doctor immediately. Don’t be afraid of wasting people’s time, this is what these services are for! -JL

The Health Hotspot: Meningitis Check out the Sabb officers blogs at: www.upsu.net/blogs

More information: www.studenthealth.co.uk www.meningitis.org.uk www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk NHS Direct: 0845 46 47

Who: The Rollerhockey Club

Website: www.uprhc.org.uk Photo: Tom Worman

Pugwash News

Wednesday 12th December 2007

Features

The Sailing Club Gemma Sears

Girls’ Night In Words: Tiffany Lee Photography: Tom Worman

Guys, it’s that time of year again and I don’t mean the season to be jolly. If you are anything like me, you’ll have a stack of work resembling Spinnaker, that calls to you in your sleep and you can no longer remember what the surface of your desk looks like. So, last weekend I decided to take a massive bite out of the daunting pile by locking myself in the house (and staying in my pyjamas as a cheeky bonus) all weekend and began the mission with the most enjoyable task, this column. Naturally, five minutes into my self-inflicted lock in, I was coyly typing my password into Facebook. It seemed that I had been invited to an Ann Summers party that night… Well all in the name of research. It wasn’t long before I was browsing the catalogue whilst the little girl in my head didn’t even attempt to refrain from giggling. But I couldn’t help but wonder, is this overt expression of female sexuality improving the female image or cheapening it? I think most people reading this will agree that the world doesn’t really need that many variations of vibrators. However, the catalogue is fantastic and, without intending to ruin the male fantasy, the underwear is truly beautiful and some with only a small element of porno. The comic value of the catalogue can also not be overlooked. What could make a better Christmas present for that lonely aunt than a ‘Bounceback Bob’ (a five foot inflatable penis) or a box of ‘After Dinner Willies’? The Ann Summers brand represents female liberation, encouraging women to follow in the footsteps of the heroic temptress and take a bite out of the apple, and quite rightly so. Even more refreshing is that the name has broken the mainstream market and happily exists on high streets across the country, destroy-

ing the taboo that is female sexuality. Perhaps this is a more tolerable, twenty first century equivalent of feminism allowing women to express their sexual confidence, although I fear I may be burned at the stake by the original founders for saying so. The silky, uplifting outfits and corsets encourage women to feel comfortable in their own skin, but, as always, the counter argument is gnawing at my favourable conscience. As fun and liberating as Ann Summers is, unfortunately the glamour and sophistication associated with it is not always kept to the bedroom. Over-exaggerated celebrations of sexuality can have a damning affect on the female reputation and effectively cheapen it. Take hen nights (shiver) for example. I don’t think anything encapsulates the travesty of this sordid occasion better than Kaiser Chiefs’ recent video for “Angry Mob”, which places bunny-eared, boozy hens in a tanklike arena, scrapping viciously with each other under the scrutinising eye of the upper class. There is nothing about this kind of hen night that improves the female image and it is a sad example of a positive message falling into abusive and disrespectful hands. Similarly, it is important to consider how all this heightened sexuality is affecting young girls. Are influences such as Ann Summers really to blame for ever maturing teen fashion? I don’t think so. Not once have I ever enjoyed an Ann Summers shopping experience without scowling at a group of young teens giggling inappropriately (nothing like I did at the catalogue, obviously) at the vast array of orgasmic machinery. I think we’re safe. All moral debate aside, we had a great time at the party and maybe the most effective message behind the whole issue is not to take yourself too seriously. At least now I have a nice new pair of pyjamas for next weekend’s lock in!

The Sailing Club; no prizes for guessing what they’re about. However, let’s not automatically assume this club is nothing but sails and rigging. Like most university clubs, social events, such as pub crawls and meeting up for general drinks, are just some of the ways this group socialises. So, what makes The Sailing Club so special? Sam Brearey, a first year member, describes it as “a lively, social and competitive club, hosting some of Great Britain’s elite athletes and Olympic hopefuls.” As you can see on the The Sailing Club webpage on upsu.net, it takes part in entering the Student Yachting Nationals every year. The webpage also states that, “if racing is not your scene, or you don’t even know what your scene is, come down and give sailing a try!” This proves that not only can this club breed the best of the best but is also open to those who want

to try something new and have some fun. It should be noted, though, that if you are planning on becoming competitive then this club requires nothing less than total discipline and dedication. While joining Sam on his daily run I noticed how unfit I actually was. While I struggled to run to the seafront, Sam was ready to run to Southsea Pier and further! Needless to say, there’s a lot of work needed in order to be able to sail successfully, and probably more than these guys are given credit for. When I asked another member of the team, Taylor, how he thought the sailing team helped with his fitness, he said, “the Sailing Club really helps with your cardiovascular fitness; out on the water all day, racing, working at a steady intensity. It greatly improves stamina and its also a nice chance to get a tan!” If you thought that sailing was just for the boys then you’re very much mistaken. Jenny is a keen member of The Sailing Team and

the Swim Team, attending social events and training. Jenny, a true sportswoman, takes the challenge of sailing in her stride and described The Sailing Club as “very helpful to my beach life-guarding at home as it enables me to do a VHF radio course. The people are awesome and I have learnt so much already.” This team is a true success, with members in the Great British Racing Fireflies, the Olympic Development Squad and the National Youth Squad. It even boasts the first ever British 420 European Champion! So what can you gain from The Sailing Club, apart from keeping fit and learning the skills of sailing? You’re also given the chance to socialise with other people who are interested in the same things as you and, like all societies, get to enjoy the benefits of some great social events. So why not give The Sailing Club a try? For more info about the sailing club, just logon to: http://tinyurl.com/2gtfpu

Pugwash News

Reviews

Singles

‘Jesus Saves I Spend’ Annie Clark Rating:

Tom Duckett

‘Jesus Saves I Spend’ is the second single to be taken from twenty three-year-old Annie Clark’s debut album ‘Marry Me’. From the start, the single is quite annoying, with its non-sensical church pop harmonies, that make the sound more festive than anything. Its strength lies in the single’s B-side, a cover of the 1960’s Jackson Browne track ‘These Days’. The intro guitar is Dire Straits’ ‘Romeo and Juliet-esque’, and the vocals are similar to that of Jenny Lewis. It’s a nice, laid back track that would be well suited in any generic mobile phone ad. Worth a listen if you enjoy something a little bit less mainstream.

‘Christmas Is Awesome’ Reuben

Rating: Ed Butterfield

Released on the 17th of December, Reuben’s crack at the Christmas Number One comes with all the usual smirking, swaggering, tonguein-cheek humour those in the know have come to know and love from this much underrated three-piece, with fierce guitars and vocals juxtaposed with tales of horrid shirts, comedy socks and Dr Who DVDs. More a reaction over the monopoly ‘The X-Factor’ has had over the charts over Christmas than a true festive classic, if this even makes it into the top ten, never mind the coveted Number One spot, it will be all the proof necessary that Christmas miracles do indeed exist.

‘Don’t Shoot Me Santa’

Wednesday 12th December 2007

.. in association with

‘Feel Free’ Kano

Rating: Aakash Naik

Feel free is arguably the strongest effort from Kano’s most recent album ‘London Town’. The track is so immense; you could forgive him for the other dodgy collaboration with Craig David. Listeners are more fortunate this time round, with none other than Damon Albarn assistinghis influence, pulling the single closer to work he has done with ‘The Good, The Bad and The Queen’. It’s not all about Albarn however- it also marks a shift for Kano. He displays less ‘in your face bad boy attitude’, instead almost posing as a messiah of the community. Surprisingly it works to great effect.

Live Foals

Wedgewood Rooms Rating: Josie Afolabi and Tim Bowditch

Five guys hailing from the province of Oxford take on the student haven that is Portsmouth city. After a commendable performance on the highly acclaimed Jools Holland programme a while beforehand, the boys didn’t have much to prove to what turned out to be a very young, energetic (and slightly epileptic) crowd. Support band ‘Cut Off Your look the same as the real thing, but fall apart in seconds - Hands’ Primark’s answer to The Cure. With personalities bigger than your overdraft, pathetic pompousness personified was all they had to offer. In contrast however, Foals blasted into their most recent single, ‘Balloons’ quite early on in the set, taking the inhibitions of the complacent anti-

dancers with them. Transient guitar insertions coupled with modus operandi beat sequences from their very capable rhythm section provided a formula that was optimally infectious, with the anthemic ‘Mathletics’ and ‘Two Steps Twice’ followed suit amicably. Lesser known songs ‘Olympic Airwaves’ and ‘Red Socks Pugie’, were received with a more subdued but contented reaction. ‘Hummer’ however reinstated hysteria on the floor; legs and arms being flung at angles only seen before from over-dramatic international footballers looking for a one up. Foals do indeed score goals.

Theatre One Off Productions Presents…The Importance of Being Earnest Rating: Tiffany Lee

You know that big Nineteenth Century novel on your shelf, the one with the dreary painting on the front and immaculate pages untouched by the human hand? Well, throw it on the floor and jump on it, because with this outstanding play Oscar Wilde has defied all reason to pretend that Charles Dickens or Jane Austen is really a pleasure to read. This is a difficult play to recreatethe plot lines entangle themselves like the roots of an ancient tree, which then blossoms to create a beautiful array of complex characters in a hilarious comedy of manners. Despite this difficulty, the era is brought to life by the exceptional talent onstage. The chemistry between the actors was truly unlike anything I have ever seen onstage before, with every character contributing to the enjoyment of this

play - there was not one actor who slowed the pace or disappointed the production. Usually I find laughter in the theatre slightly pretentious, as if members of the audience are sniggering at the complex jokes to exert their intellectualness, but in this case laughter was unavoidable, and the whole theatre’s reactions were in unison. Recently, it seems like you cannot go wrong with performances at the New Theatre Royal, but this is arguably the best production yet.

Cinema American Gangster Rating: William Hobson

Ridley Scott’s new movie - a slowburning crime epic closer to the Godfather than New Jack City takes in about forty years of the life of Harlem druglord Frank Lucas. Though the massive scope of the movie makes it a little slow, and the long timespan can be a little confusing at times, American Gangster is a pretty classy movie. Aside from the expected strong performance of Denzel Washington as the determined Lucas, the classiest black gangster in cinema, you get Russell Crowe acting about as far from Gladiator as you can imagine with his Serpico-style cop who can’t keep his life on track, with the few scenes the two share being among the best. The slow and steady pace is punctuated by some understated but effective violence, and watching Lucas’s empire grow whilst Crowe’s investigation slowly simmers in the background, making for nice tension. ‘American Gangster’ is undoubtedly good, but the pacing might require a bit too much patience for its rushed ending.

Pure FM Show of the Week

What: The Not-Quite-Zane Lowe Breakfast Show Who: Phil and Stacey When: Wednesdays 9-11am Description: Listen in for new music, unsigned and signed bands of the indie/rock/folk/pop variety with some delightful gems thrown in from times past. Also, tune in for band updates, gig dates and general up-beat chitter chatter! For fans of: Regina Spektor, The Epstein, Bic Runga, The Young Knives, Ray Lamontagne, Stephen Fretwell & The Shins.

You can listen to these guys, or any other show on Pure FM by logging on to www.purefm.com.

The Killers Rating: Ed Butterfield

Certainly not a band to be accused of resting on their laurels, off the back of last year’s excellent ‘Sam’s Town’, The Killers have released a BSides record and now an exclusive Christmas song in benefit of Bono’s charity, RED. And it’s a bizarre one. Switching between the patented Killers swoon, flutterings of fiestaesque Mexican stylings, and ‘comedy’ Santa voiceovers, it’ll be a surprise if this ever finds a place amongst the Wizzards and Slades on the world. A shame really- The Killers have more than proved that they can write a catchy tune, a fact that seems to have evaded them on this effort.

Foals at the Wedgewood Rooms - energetic. Photo - Andy Donohoe

Every week we’ll be showing a chart of the Top 5 artists that the members of our Last.fm group have been listening to, if you want your music scrobbled, log in and add the Pugwash chart

Go to upsu.net/lastfm

Pugwash Top 5 1

Radiohead

Muse

Bloc Party

Klaxons

Daft Punk

Purple Wednesdays Wednesday 12th December 2007

Sports Features

The Netball Report We get the low-down from the Netball Firsts, Seconds, Thirds and Fourths

Sporto Challenge

Every fortnight we pit two of our sportos against each other in a fast paced Q&A session to see who’s cooler. Oh, and they have to draw a donkey too... Decide for yourself.

Netball Firsts Team Elizabeth O’Neill

W.O.M - Kaly Smith (aka Mrs Lampard) - impressive shooting and Kaysen Asante- amazing interceptions. D.O.D - Fresher Jordan - kicked out of Tiger Tiger by eleven pm!

The day didn’t go according to plan, with our driver half an hour late for our trip to Reading. After turning up later than the arranged kick off time, Captain Beth managed to persuade Reading to allow us half an hour warm-up time - pushovers! We lost the toss but managed to get the first goal courtesy of newcomer Mrs Lampard. It was a very rough match due to the incompetence of the umpires! Luckily we had the concentration and skills to rise above Reading tactics. Kaysen and Peta played amazingly, whilst Alex (aka President) proved why she was promoted from Fifth team sub to First team in the space of a year. First team Fresher Jordon (aka Tuna) made some excellent passes and nearly started on the umpires (pipe down Fresh!) The team pulled together and showed their fighting spirit and managed to win 29 - 22 comfortably, an easy victory for an impressive side. Netball Seconds Team Felecity Dickson

Even after a hard start to the season the Seconds went into their game against Brighton with high spirits. Both teams were giving it their all and by the end of the first quarter it was 13 - 12 to Brighton. Gaby Johnson (GS) and Sam Barnes (GA) were on target with their shooting throughout the game. After a contro-

versial decision from the umpires, the half-time score was 21 - 20 to Brighton. The third quarter showed true Portsmouth character, with the whole team putting in one hundred percent. Cariona McGrory had a fantastic game at Centre, gaining many interceptions. Felicity Dickson (WA) put the pressure on by screaming down the court. Brighton started to crack. Harriet Bone (GD) and Emma Wicks (GK) had a smashing game in defence. Jo Apperly (WD) made amazing runs and interceptions down the wings. The whole team played so strongly in the last quarter fighting for the win. The final, well earned score was 28 - 26 to Portsmouth, sending Brighton back home gutted, with the Portsmouth girls celebrating their win by dressing up as pirates and heading to the Union. One of the team members, mentioning no names, got a little over excited and was home by half ten! Netball Thirds Team Caz Bird

W.O.M - Caz Bird D.O.D - Hayley Archibald because she was sick, again!

After losing 40 - 27 a few weeks ago and having our shooters moved around, I really wasn’t expecting to beat the mighty Chichester, who always have such brilliant Netball teams. After a great start, Pompey found ourselves ahead by a few goals, only letting two in during the second quarter. After half time, the Pompey team started to rest on their laurels and let Chichester back in to the match. So, after a team talk in the last break,

the girls put in one hundred pecent effort and beat the mighty Wishy by one goal, leaving the score at 24 - 23 to Pompey! An amazing game which set the pace for the rest of the day, which saw the rest of the Netball club win all of their matches. Well done UPNC! Portsmouth Netball 4th’s Danielle Clare Roots, Emma Wicks & Sam Barnes

W.O.M - Carina and Lianne. D.O.D - Social Sec Fitter fell over again!

After waiting two hours for our coach, us five netball girls made our way to Surrey. We arrived at Surrey and made our way onto the courts, through the mud and started our warm up. Gill wasn’t pleased to see the opposition GD was an imposing girl with shaved red hair, tattoos and piercings in both cheeks! Having played Surrey Seconds, losing three times over past years, the team was prepared for a tough game. Their defence was tough but passes were going well into the circle and with some high quality shooting from Georgia and Gill, the first quarter ended, Portsmouth leading 8 - 7. Knowing we had to step up our game, the team talk encouraged the girls to 14 - 9 at half time. Our fitness left Surrey in the dark, Carina and Lianne working well together in the centre to increase the lead to 21 - 13. Going into the final quarter, Surrey finally stepped up their game. But all our girls worked hard for every interception and every pass , making the final score 29 - 17 to us.

Top 5 Sportos

Score

Marisa May

Andrew Machin

Tim Over

Gareth Nash

Simon Leach

Haydn ‘Frodo’ Cockford

Gareth Nash

Have you ever .... Drank /spent more than £100 on alcohol for yourself in one day? No, I’m way too cheap, drink as much vodka as possible before heading out. Slept in your own sick? Yep, in shower at Harry Law

Have you ever .... Drank /spent more than £100 on alcohol for yourself in one day? No, I couldn’t consume all that in one day, I’m an athlete, my body’s a temple. Slept in your own sick? Yes when I was 16, not something I’m proud of! Slept outside? Yep, more than once.

Badminton President

Presenting to you, some of our fabulous Netball teams.

League Table

Slept outside? Yep, it’s hard to get a key in the door. Attempted “straight-arm” drinking? No Played touch cup? Most Wednesdays. Been naked in public? There’s a game called conkers...

Been asked to leave the union? Nope.

Missed a lecture to play sports Again, most Wednesdays. Participated in “The Ramp”? Nope. Downed a jug of Snakey B? Yep.

Gone in the sea after Tantrum / Time? Yeah, it’s a shame the new Liquid and Envy is not nearer the sea. Started drinking before noon? Yep.

Is Snake Bite your choice of drink at the union? Yep, also my choice of clothing by the end of the night.

Rowing Club

Attempted “straight-arm” drinking? In my second year, slightly messy! Played touch cup? That’s just a stupid question really.

Been naked in public? On many occasions, more to follow..

Been asked to leave the union? Been kicked out twice for being a state. Missed a lecture to play sports I’ve missed a whole week of lectures for a rowing event. Participated in “The Ramp”? Yep, very messy night.

Downed a jug of Snakey B? Yep, and I threw up all of ten seconds later. Gone in the sea after Tantrum / Time? In winter of my first year, never again!

Started drinking before noon? Yep.

Is Snake Bite your choice of drink at the union? Another stupid question. Snakey B is just standard!

How many societies / clubs have you represented at uni? (1 point for each club) Just Badders.

How many societies / clubs have you represented at uni? (1 point for each club) Rowing and Golf

Now draw us a donkey ....

Score: 12

Score: 14

Purple Wednesdays Wednesday 12th December 2007

Sports features and results

Sublime in regional action would be out for vengeance. With Picnic gaining the first few points, the Sublime heads dropped. However, the next few points changed the game, with Sublime getting themselves back in it. With the minutes ticking down, Picnic managed to extend their lead after Sublime made a couple of mistakes. After a very tiring and hard fought playoff, Sublime narrowly missed out on qualifying for the Nationals, but managed to walk away with the Plate. Well done to all the women who played, especially the Freshers who improved loads over the weekend. We are always looking for new members to get involved, so please do not hesitate to get in touch! - LC

were not doing as well, due to a team containing lots of Freshers, but everyone was working hard and putting up a fight, which would pay off by the end of the weekend. The First team on the second day again walked over every team on their way to the final. The final was again against Mohawks who were hosting the tournament. The Mohawks gained an early lead and maintained their lead, with Sublime managing to get a couple of consolation points. Even though the Firsts lost the finals, it still gives them a place at Mixed Nationals in Manchester. The Second team went on to win the Spoon, after coming first in the bottom four pool, and well done the Third team, which was made up of solely Freshers. The third tournament of the sea-

son saw the women travel to Plymouth for the Southern Women’s Indoor Regionals. Sublime were placed in a tough group with some of the best women’s teams in the country and suffered defeats to Southampton, Bristol or Cardiff and Brunel. However, morale was up after wins against Roehampton and Surrey, giving Sublime a chance of achieving the nationals. The next game saw Sublime face Cardiff again, and in this game confidence dropped, as Cardiff ran circles around a very tired Sublime team. With every team member working as hard as possible, the win for Cardiff could not have been prevented. This meant that it was a now or never game in the sixth versus seventh playoff, which saw the winner qualify for Nationals and the loser missing out. Having beaten Picnic before, Sublime knew they

Home Game Fixtures

28th November Sports Results

continued from page 12

12th December

Basketball Mens 1 vs Chichester Uni // Football Mens 2 vs Brighton Uni // Football Mens 2 v Brighton Uni 4 //Football Mens 4 v Reading Uni 3//Football Mens 5 v St Mary’s //Hockey Mens 1 v Reading Uni 1st // Hockey Mens 2 v Middlesex Uni// Hockey Mens 4 v Kingston 2 //Netball 1 v Brighton Uni // Netball 2 v Brunel Uni // Mens Rugby 1 v Buckinghamshire Chiltern // Tennis Mens 1 v UCL // Volleyball Mens 1 v Royal Holloway// Volleyball Womens 1 v Chichester Uni//

Away Game Fixtures 12th December

Badmington Mens 2 vs Chichester Uni // Basketball Mens 2 v St Mary’s // Fencing Men v Brunel Uni(WL)// Football Mens 1 v St Mary’s // Football Mens 3 v St Mary’s // Football Mens 6 v Chichester Uni 3// Football Womens 1 v Reading Uni // Hockey Men’s v Royal Veterinary // Lacrosse Womens 1 v UCL // Netball 3 v Surrey Uni // Rugby Freshers v Writtle College // Rugby Mens 3 v Royal Holloway 2 //Rugby Womens v Canterbury Christ Church // Squash Mens 1 v Royal Holloway //Squash mens v Royal Holloway // Squash Mens 2 v Brunel Uni(WL) // Squash Mens 3 v Royal Holloway 2// Squash Womens v Royal Holloway // Table-Tennis Mens 1 v London Metropolitan //

Random cat of the week

UPSU SPORTS TEAM

For more information visit: http://www.sublime-ultimate.co.uk

21st November 2007 Sports Results

RESULTS

OPPOSITION

H/A

UPSU SPORTS TEAM

Men’s Badminton 1sts

Bath

Men’s Badminton 1sts

Men’s Badminton 2nds

St Bart’s

Men’s Badminton 2nds

Women’s Badminton 1sts

Men’s Basketball 1sts

Men’s Basketball 2nds

Reading

Men’s Basketball 2nds

Women’s Basketball 1sts

Kingston

Women’s Basketball 1sts

Fencing Men 1sts

126

133

Sussex

RESULTS

OPPOSITION

H/A

Oxford

Surrey

KCL

Pompey

Win

Surrey

Fencing Women 1sts

Fencing Women 1sts Men’s Football 1sts

Reading

Men’s Football 1sts

Kingston

Men’s Footbal 2nds

Chichester

Men’s Footbal 2nds

St Mary’s

Men’s Football 3rds

Brighton

Men’s Football 3rds

BCC

Men’s Football 4ths

Thames Valley

Men’s Football 4ths

St Mary’s

Men’s Football 5ths

Surrey

Men’s Football 5ths

Chichester

Men’s Football 6ths

Imperial

Men’s Football 6ths

Middlesex

Women’s Football 1sts

Surrey

Imperial

Women’s Football 1sts Women’s Football 2nds Golf 1sts

Roehampton Royal Free

Women’s Football 2nds

Brighton

Golf 1sts

0.5

5.5

Men’s Hockey 1sts

Canterbury

Men’s Hockey 1sts

St George’s

Men’s Hockey 2nds

Imperial

Men’s Hockey 2nds

Royal Vet’s

Men’s Hockey 3rds

Middlesex

Men’s Hockey 3rds

Kings

Men’s Hockey 4th

Imperial

Men’s Hockey 4th Women’s Hockey 1sts

Chichester

Women’s Hockey 1sts

Brighton

Women’s Hockey 2nds

Imperial

Women’s Hockey 2nds

KCL

Women’s Hockey 3rds

St Barts

Women’s Hockey 3rds

Imperial

Women’s Lacrosse 1sts

Royal Holloway

Women’s Lacrosse 1sts

KCL

Netball 1sts

Reading

Netball 1sts

Imperial Medics

Netball 2nds

Brighton

Netball 2nds

KCL

Netball 3rds

Chichester

Netball 3rds

Reading

Netball 4ths

Surrey

Netball 4ths

Kent

Netball 5ths

LSE

Netball 5ths

TVU

Middlesex

A H

Men’s Rugby Union 1sts

Royal Free

Men’s Rugby Union 1sts

Men’s Rugby Union 2nds

Royal Holloway

Men’s Rugby Union 2nds

St George’s

Men’s Rugby Union 3rds

Imperial

University of Medway

Men’s Rugby Union 3rds Men’s Rugby Fresher’s

UCCA

Women’s Rugby 1sts

St Mary’s

Women’s Rugby 1sts

Brighton

Reading

Surrey

Imperial

Women’s Rugby 2nds

Women’s Rugby 2nds Men’s Squash 1sts

Men’s Rugby Fresher’s

Sussex

Men’s Squash 1sts Men’s Squash 2nds

Men’s Squash 2nds

Portsmouth 3

Men’s Squash 3rds

Portsmouth 2

Men’s Squash 3rds

Women’s Squash 1sts

UCL

Women’s Squash 1sts

Men’s Table Tennis

UCL

Men’s Table Tennis

Men’s Tennis 1sts

Brighton

Men’s Tennis 1sts

Women’s Tennis 1sts

Middlesex

Women’s Tennis 1sts

Men’s Volleyball 1sts

Kent

Men’s Volleyball 1sts

St Mary’s

Women’s Volleyball 1sts

Brunel

Women’s Volleyball 1sts

Kingston

Purple Wednesdays Wednesday 12th December 2007

Sports news

On The Spot!

Who are you? Kat Kendall a.k.a ‘Kendall’ Age: 22 Club / Society History: Cheerleading. Home Town: Maidenhead. First Portsmouth Curry: The Gate; think it was a vegetable one. Favourite Movie: Love Actually. What puts a smile on your face? Dressing up for Purple Wednesdays. What wipes it off? Naked cuddles in the morning with housemates! Most embrassing moment? Naked Calendar - flashing my boobs to the hockey president! Best chat up line? I’m a cheerleader... Do me. Favourite uni memory? Bring It On-style University Cheer competition. How quickly can you down a pint? Not very quickly. Favourite dressing-up theme? Christmas! Tell us a joke: When blondes have more fun, do they actually know it? What three questions would you ask if you went on a blind date? Do you enjoy public nudity? Have you ever eaten a crayon? When was the last time you took a shower? Tip of the week: Don’t eat KFC bought from a dodgy looking KFC man... Avoid food poisoning!

Want to be ‘On the Spot’ ? E-mail us at: sportnews@upsu.net

Lacrosse round-up

Star players

The Fresher’s Point of View

Teams of The Fortnight

Ben Endley

Dave ‘Mutley’ Torku, Boxing Club

Jack a.k.a. Pirate Steve, Swimming

Men’s Lacrosse: Portsmouth faced one of their first real tests of the season when they came up against second placed Exeter on Saturday 1st of December. The two teams have pulled away at the top of the league, with Exeter beaten only once before their visit to the south coast. Danny Gilderson opened the scoring from a distance with a goal that, frankly, the Exeter keeper should have saved. The game progressed from there, with Pompey repeatedly taking the lead before being pegged back, with the half time score 4 - 4. There was some excellent link up work in the second half, with Stefan Dewer scoring one of of his three goals. This was followed by an excellent solo run and finish from Callum ‘CJ’ Millington, helping Pompey to a thumping win.

Dave ‘Mutley’ Torku boxed at Guildhall on Friday 30 of November against Scott Hillman from Whitehawk ABC. This middleweight clash had the crowd sitting on the edge of their seats. The reason being was that Mutley’s opponent was more experienced and he’s a favourite of the home crowd. Mutley performed superbly, cutting the ring down and landing with thudding combinations, continually pushing his opponent back whilst gaining valuable points. In the end Mutley won by a unanimous decision from the judges.

During the Fresher’s Fayre I joined the University’s swimming team and I can say that it’s the best thing I’ve done since I’ve been here. I have made so many new friends and I really enjoy the training provided by the coaches. However, the best thing I have to say about joining any club or society are the weekly socials, including the recent trip to the British Universities Swimming Championships in Sheffield (where I got the new nickname Pirate Steve). If I had to give one piece of advice for newcomers to the Uni I would have to say join a club, I promise it will be the best thing you’ll do here.

Netball:

Result:

Portsmouth Men 12 Exeter Men 6 Women’s Lacrosse: Portsmouth succumbed to their heaviest defeat of the season on Wednesday at the hands of Royal Holloway. The game had promise beforehand, with Portsmouth able to field an almost full strength team, including subs for one of the first times this season. The game started at a fast pace and although Holloway took the lead early in the first quarter, the girls responded through Dominique Shaw. Pompey struggled, in vain, to get a foothold on the game. Although possession seemed fairly even during parts of the game, Holloway ladies were simply more ruthless when it came to taking their chances.

Netball has put in an astounding amount of effort so far this year. They have won their last five matches, with their First team playing in division one for BUSA. Their practice sessions have been combined with the sport science training programme and it is definitely making a difference.

AU Executive:

Elliot Staker, Roller Hockey

Michael ‘Magz’ Lindley, Roller Hockey

In his first year at the club, Elliot has come in and taken over as the number one goalkeeper for UoP Roller Hockey, with two shutouts in four games. Elliot chose the University of Portsmouth for his degree, in part, because of the roller hockey club here, contacting us when he was making his A Level choices. Since arriving, he has attending training religiously, consistently worked hard, helped the B Team goalkeeper, attended socials, and performed tremendously in our league games. He entered the club as the youngest in the squad, and has already established himself as one of the leaders in the club.

I have been asked to write a short piece about my experiences as a Fresher on the University Of Portsmouth Roller Hockey Club. After racking my brains for several seconds I have come to the conclusion that it’s “awesome!” The guys and girls are all sound as a pound, welcoming, friendly and up for a laugh, which is great. The training sessions and league games, although being hard work, are also good fun. The socials, or at least the bits of them that I can remember, are spectacular too! What else can I say? Roller hockey is the greatest game ever invented and the UPRHC does it justice.

The AU Execs have to be one of the teams of the fortnight after their outstanding performance in the Sporto’s dance off. Hours of practice went into it; they ‘rehearsed’ in the sports office (though the whole team didn’t actually practice together until the night!) Their costumes and well choreographed routine clearly had a lot of thought put into it; they raised the most money for charity, but surely they should get this award just for getting half naked on stage?

Result:

Portsmouth Women 2 Royal Holloway Women 25

Separated at birth Pure banter, with no added sugar...

Gotchas...

The secret life of Wayne Gardiner

AU Banter

Since discovering in our last issue that our sports administrator Wayne Gardiner was an exotic dancer in his past life, we have been scanning the internet for more information. Apparently, other occupations include a glamourous modelling career and life as a boxing coach. We also found these astonishing photographs...

The recordings of the AU Execs Dance Off rehearsals have to be edited. Which lacrosse member let it all hang out in the Naked Calendar? A cheerleading committee member has been quoted as saying “cheerleading isn’t a sport!” Fact. Milkshake is in love with two similar-looking riding girls, but can’t choose which one to have extreme cuddles with! Which club had more than one argument at their Christmas dinner? The dance club didn’t realise the microphone wasn’t turned on whilst attempting karaoke! Dance President has a secret stash of adult entertainment on her laptop. Two people actually watched the Naked Show on Pure FM. Cricket Freshers couldn’t keep their eyes off certain riding girl’s....personalities. Lacrosse player Dan has his finger in a lot of pies. The wakeboarding president nearly burnt his house down. Which rugby player has been spreading the love? Darby has a fetish for cross dressing. Cannon is promoting S.H.A.G week Women’s Cricket hit the deck...hard! Swim team Freshers are illiterate. The dance squad clearly wish they were the cheerleaders.

Left: Wayne doing ‘the worm dance’ by day - Right: Wayne ‘the hunk’ by Night

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Guy Brearey

The end of lectures on Friday saw a convoy of cars packed full of excited students leave the Union and head into the depths of Devon. The 24/25th of November saw the annual sailing competition for the Exeter Excalibur trophy. A last minute drop out from another university gave Portsmouth’s First and Second team the chance to enter. This was Pompey’s second major competition of the year and the team was keen to see if the hard work would pay off. After scaling some of the biggest hills in the world and passing several signs which all put Exeter twenty miles away we made it. We wasted no time in going straight to Exeter Union bar to catch up with our friends from around this part of the country. After a few drinks it was off to the infamous Timepiece for some dancing. Day one ended well for Portsmouth despite some glaring speed issues, with the First team winning five out of seven races and qualifying for the gold league, and the Seconds winning two of their first ever events, qualifying for the Silver league. After sailing it was back to our hoist for some pre-drinking and much hair straightening by the girls! Another night at the Union ensued, with lots of drawing on people and shirts before it was time to leave for the Uni club. Here it became clear from the general reaction that our new clothes weren’t going to start a fashion trend. Lots of

dancing followed, ranging from the positively co-ordinated to the ‘dadat-a-wedding’, which I’m particularly gifted at! This tragically became clear as Sam announced to a group of girls that he was a UK Break Dance Champion; they were suitably impressed, but it turns out giving them a demo was a massive error! Sunday saw the sharp end of the competition, after a tight Gold league with Portsmouth beating Reading in a play-off to qualify for the semi finals along with Bath Firsts, Exeter Seconds and Exeter old boys. Portsmouth upped their game to defeat Bath two to zero before the final game against Exeter Seconds who had lost both previous matches. The Firsts final race was tight, with Exeter Seconds clinching victory on the line. This meant Portsmouth had to win to stay in and after a fantastic start in their next race Portsmouth Seconds grabbed control and kept it. In the competition’s final race, Pompey and the other boats were in a tight formation. After this close first leg, Sam lead at the top mark for Portsmouth and Guy snuck around to give Portsmouth overall a one and two combination which they held to the finish. This was enough to seal the victory for Portsmouth Firsts and see them pick up their first trophy for eleven years. It was just left to Portsmouth captain Jay Whitehead to give the speech and collect the trophy. Both Portsmouth teams improved lots during the course of the event and did very well adapting to new boats. Bring on the next event!

Ultimate Frisbee

The first major tournament for Sublime this season was the Open University Indoors, with two teams up to London to face the top teams in the South East. The First team dominated their group and progressed with the hope of qualifying for a Nationals spot. The Second team gelled well together and beat a couple of First teams on their way, with their seedings improving as they progressed into the seeded games. With a National spot in sight the First team came up against rivals Mohawks, of the University of Sussex, but unfortunately lost in a hard game.

However, the First team did qualify for a Nationals Division two spot, as they are the top seed from the South East. The second team continued to improve their seeding throughout the seeded stages and came out tenth overall, making the Seconds the best in the South East. The second tournament saw Sublime enter the Mixed Regionals, with Pompey taking three teams to try and defend the title. The first team stormed through the group stages without losing a game. The second and third teams however, continued on page 10

Issue 6 Wednesday 12.12.07 upsu.net/news

Shake it like a polaroid picture! Peppa Barnett & Marisa May

The Sportos Dance Off

Listen Up

Sublime in regional action

Pompey Sailors Celebrate Long Awaited Win

PURPLE WEDNESDAYS

Pics: Jacob Leverett

The Sporto’s Dance off kicked off on Wednesday 5th of December, with Ski and Snowboard, Women’s Rugby, Gym and Trampolining, Men’s Rugby and the AU Execs all dancing it off for the title. Throughout the night, the sportos hit the stage in an array of costumes, ranging from war paint to sparkly thongs. Firstly, Ski and Snowboard took us to Madagascar with a surprise appearance from the Cadburys Next came the Gorilla. “Glamourous” rugby boys, who throughly enjoyed touching themselves and each other, shimmying and shaking their clothes off. Gym and Trampolining followed with cartwheels and flips across the stage, with an impressive cheer performance in their neon gear, even when the president got hit on the head. Next up were Women's Rugby, who rocked the stage to Rocking Robin in their super-hero outfits. Finally the AU Execs were up, nodding and stamping to a Queen medley. All these performances left the four judges with a tough decision to make. The AU Execs gained the most sponsorship for the RAG Society and took the main award for their performance, with Ski and Snowboard finishing second and Men’s Rugby in third. After receiving their award, The AU Exec’s repeat performance was the highlight of the night as Darby literally ‘bit the dust’! A big thank you to the Dance Club, Sally Jones and everyone who participated and arranged the great performances. Not forgetting the judges, performers, DJ, photographers, choreographers and all those who came and supported. DVD coming soon!

Boxing News: Stop Press

Update from the UK nationals

As we go to print, Wayne Gardiner, UoP Boxing Coach is texting through results from the University Boxing Nationals in Sheffield. So far; Sarah, Frank and Connor all have got golds, Mutley got Silver and David has taken Bronze. Well done to everyone who took part, a full event roundup will follow in the first issue of the New Year.