Turn Around Bright Eyes
sprawled across my living room floor, drunk, drunk, drunk, using my toes to flick on the lights from the panel near the door to turn on the halogen lamp across the room. With the light on, catching the bitch’s attention, I proceeded to hold Molly by her legs from floor level, making her dance on the carpet as if a wild beast grazed in my home. For ten minutes, I laughed so hard, snot and tears poured from my face, wondering what this bitch thought of the dancing giraffe across the courtyard. Finally, I could not take anymore and reached up with my toes again to turn off the lamp. I never realized how funny my joke was until an hour later. There was a knock on my door from the Phoenix police department due to a frantic report claiming a domesticated giraffe was rampaging inside my apartment.” Now the pace of the friends’ laughter, that now included the bartender, was picking up. David precariously perched upon his tilted stool, trying to contain his laughter. “I repeated this scene at least a dozen times over several weeks, now purposely leaving my back bedroom window open so I could sneak into the apartment to let Molly frolic in front of the window. I don’t necessarily know if the ending of the story is as funny later in life as it was at that moment, but the following month, after living there for seventeen years, this elderly woman had vacated the property. When I inquired about her to the leasing office as to her departure, the leasing manager informed me the family had determined that she had become senile and they had placed her in a nursing home.” Before the friends had a chance to respond to the conclusion of the story, they were distracted by the over jubilant Angel Glamar entering the backside of the bar to meet PurrZsa Kitten. Three seconds after hugging, she stepped back, noticed PurrZsa crying, and asked what was wrong. During Dammon’s conversation, the friends had slowly watched the obnoxious entertainer and her friend from across the bar, wondering what will happen when a moving object strikes an immovable force. One was overly happy while the other had been crying for the last two hours. In the fourth second, the flamboyantly happy Angel Glamar fell to a lump, screaming loudly, By Steve Hammond
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By Todd Kachinski-Kottmeier