This Is...
it’s so interesting because as I continue this journey of identifying, it’s no wonder I do what I do. I didn’t even fathom it would be like this though. When I started my styling business I simply wanted to empower women to understand the shape of their body. Which is still absolutely true, but now I’m doing it on such a deeper level – we’re talking about getting to the nuts and bolts of what you think about your body and why you think that. And there’s a lot of trauma that comes up in that. TG: I can imagine. BJ: And by no means am I a therapist or a doctor – sometimes I honestly feel unqualified because of the stories I hear but I do know this, I do have the heart and empathy and the ears. People just want to be heard and I will listen to anyone who wants to tell their story.
So I would say challenge it. Like why is that there? The stomach is a great example. This is amazing to me that with all the women I’ve met throughout my life – modeling, my clients, fitness, speaking and all these different things – the stomach is something that every woman has had insecurities about, she thinks it needs to be flat and that no matter what size she is, no matter what shape, race, no matter who she is, she usually has an issue with her stomach. And so now I challenge that with, “What is it supposed to look like?” And usually it’s supposed to look flat or supposed to have abs. Okay, who said? Like where’d you get that from? And it’s not saying you’re wrong, but let’s just dive into why you think it’s supposed to be a certain way. Why is it that you think your hips are supposed to look a certain way? And back to the comparison thing – you see a model and their hips don’t look the same way - yeah, because they don’t have the same parents, they’re not from the same blood line – you guys aren’t even related to each other! So, I always encourage challenging why is it “supposed” to be that way? And, what happens if you were to really love and embrace that thing that you think is a flaw? What could you free yourself from then? Instead of thinking about how uncomfortable you are in your body or how big your stomach is or how much your arms flap or whatever it may be, what if you really, really loved and embraced that part of
what it means to unconditionally love myself is when I identify my “flaws” to really just take those in and embrace them and understand that those are there for a reason and it doesn’t mean that I need to be fixed, it doesn’t mean that I’m bad, broken or wrong
TG: That’s awesome. So, as I briefly mentioned, this is the Self Love Issue so I want to know what does it mean to you to unconditionally love yourself? BJ: Mmm. Unconditionally - that’s a deep word. I think the thing is the meanings are always changing. Right now, what it means to unconditionally love myself is when I identify my “flaws” to really just take those in and embrace them and understand that those are there for a reason and it doesn’t mean that I need to be fixed, it doesn’t mean that I’m bad, broken or wrong, it just means that it’s there and I get to be on a journey where I get to identify why it’s there and now, does
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it serve me? Is it something that I still need? Because I know all these things, good and bad, they served a purpose at one point. Like procrastination, does that still serve me? Probably not! [Laughs] And that’s a tough one. But uncovering why it’s there and not beating up on myself – that would be unconditionally loving myself. And understanding that it’s just my human – I’m just human
and it’s just my humanity and it’s actually quite beautiful. TG: What would you like to say to women who are maybe feeling unworthy or they don’t feel like they can do something, or wear something, or maybe even say something because they don’t look a certain way? BJ: I would ask why. I’m very inquisitive. I always tell people, “You give me whatever your challenge is and I’m going to have questions and I’m doing it from a place of love.”