This Is... Spring 2020 by thisismag

This Is... Spring 2020 Edition

Gabrielle Sepulveda

on Her journey as a Preemie/ NICU mom

INSPIRING How Colorism Changed My Life

ADULTING Growth in Grief

The

GrowthIssue

Read about easy ways to start cultivating your own personal growth, confessions of a perpetual job interviewer, clean beauty, the truth behind entrepreneurship & more!

Photo By: Trina Reed Photography

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[ table of c ontents] Me...........................................................................................................1 Letter from the Editor.....................................................................1 Real........................................................................................................2 My Journey as a Preemie/NICU Mom.................................................2 Newsworthy............................................................................................7 Growing Pains: The Truth Behind Entrepreneurship & the 10 Raw Life Lessons Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Taught Me................................7 The World.............................................................................................11 The World of Art: As Created by Kelsey Montague Art...................11 Adulting..............................................................................................18 Growth in Grief.............................................................................18 Inspiring.............................................................................................21 How Colorism Changed My Life.....................................................21 Healthy................................................................................................24 What is Clean Beauty?..................................................................24 Opinionated.......................................................................................27 Living Abroad Helps You Grow Into a Better Person.................27 Vulnerable..........................................................................................31 From People Pleaser to Finding My Path...................................31 How-To..............................................................................................33 Easy Ways to Being Cultivating Your Own Personal Growth...................................................................................33 Confessions of a Perpetual Job Interviewer...............................36 Good Shit...........................................................................................42 Let It Grow, Let It Grow, Let Your Hair Grow...........................42 Love....................................................................................................44 Would You Swipe Right On Yourself?........................................44 Failure................................................................................................46 The Process of Progress is Success...........................................46 Generous...........................................................................................48 Where to Donate to Help Combat COVID-19..................................48

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[Me]

A letter from the editor.

Hi Friends! I chose the theme of growth for this issue early this year because it felt extremely relevant to every aspect of my life at the time - my husband and I were deciding when to start trying to grow our family, I was trying to figure out how to grow this magazine, I felt like I was at a pivotal point in my path of “growing up” as I was coming into my own and deciding with my husband what we want our future to look like, blah blah blah. And, I knew that if I was feeling that way, it was pretty likely that some of you were feeling that way as well. So, I chose it as the theme for the Spring issue - as growth is already relevant to the season. Little did I know the theme would become unfortunately relevant shortly therafter when COVID-19 would introduce itself and continue to grow into a pandemic that is leaving a wake of destruction in its path as it continues to grow. But, this issue isn’t meant to dwell on that. The world is doing that enough but we’d be remiss to ignore it. Instead, this issue is meant to focus on the growth and re-growth we’ve experienced as individuals that has come before, that is occuring during, and that will continue to happen after the coronavirus has made its exit. This issue is meant to be a breath of fresh air and a form of escapism from both the facts and fear being spread across the world right now. So here’s to growing up, challenging ourselves to grow into better versions of who we were yesterday, and re-growing after we’ve taken a step backwards. With that, This Is... The Growth Issue. Happy reading!

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[Real]

My Journey As A Preemie/NICU Mom

By: Gabrielle Sepulveda

Photo By: Trina Reed Photography

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y wife and I were extremely fortunate in that our “trying to conceive,” or “TTC,” journey was not much of a journey at all. We tracked my cycle for a few months, found our donor, ordered our single vial of specimen, and had a successful at-home insemination on our first try. Unheard of, right? This baby was truly meant to be ours, and we were truly meant to be mothers. The universe was on our side, and we were so sure it was going to be smooth sailing from there on out. We dreamed of the moment our baby would enter the world, be placed on my chest, and we would live happily ever after. Little did we realize that, for us, conception was going to be the easiest part, and that my delivery experience was going to help me grow in ways I never thought I could and teach me things that I will undoubtedly go on to teach my son. When I got pregnant, my wife and I decided I would deliver at a small, rural hospital about an hour away from where we live. Her sister is a labor and delivery nurse there, and there was a high likelihood, almost a certainty, that I would be the only mom delivering. This meant super personalized attention, a quiet and peaceful space, and the delivery of my dreams. I loved the nurses and the facility. All I had to do to be guaranteed a delivery there was to make it to 37 weeks, since they don’t have a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Since I planned to make it to 40 weeks, this was going to be a piece of cake … until I hit 28 weeks and my blood pressure slowly started to rise. At 28 weeks, I started showing some signs of mild preeclampsia, a condition that causes one’s blood pressure to spike and the kidney and/or liver to start to fail. At this point, my doctor didn’t seem too worried. He said we would continue to watch it, but he didn’t have any major concerns. Looking back, this is where I learned my first lesson. Even though this was my first pregnancy, I still knew I wasn’t feeling quite right. My blood pressure was generally lower than normal prior to my pregnancy, so even a slight elevation was a lot for me. I was getting headaches and feeling sore. My doctor chalked this up to pregnancy, and I wish I would have listened to myself when I thought it was more than that. I have since realized that my doctors

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work for me, and if they aren’t listening to me, then I should find someone who will. I know myself and my body better than anyone else, and if I know something is wrong, I need to find a medical professional that will provide the type of care I want and need. Unfortunately, at the time, I believed that my doctor knew best. I continued plugging along in my pregnancy, and the closer I got to 40 weeks, the more excited I got to meet my baby boy! On the Saturday of my 33rd week, my sisters-in-law threw my wife and I a beautiful baby shower, and my sister even flew into town for it. Suddenly, everything seemed even more real! The next day, my wife and I went to a pumpkin patch and my sister took some maternity photos of us. It was an amazing weekend, and I continued to catch myself drifting off thinking about what it would be like to have my baby placed on my chest and to meet him for the first time. My baby consumed my thoughts, until I looked in the mirror that Sunday night, and suddenly my thoughts shifted to concern. At about 10pm, I looked into the mirror and could not believe how swollen my face looked, specifically my nose, which had suddenly taken

over my whole face. I took off my socks and could not believe how swollen my feet looked. My socks had created an indentation around my ankles deeper than I would have thought possible. My wife convinced me it was time for a trip to the emergency room (not at the hospital where I was planning to deliver, but the bigger, more notable hospital five minutes down the road), where they took my blood pressure, ran some tests, and officially diagnosed me with preeclampsia. At this point, it was officially Monday, and I had a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday, so they let me go with paperwork to show my doctor. On Tuesday, my doctor at the clinic attached to the small, rural hospital seemed to dismiss the report from the ER. He told me he couldn’t be sure I had preeclampsia and sent me off with prescriptions for more lab work to be done later that week. He assured me that even if I do have preeclampsia, they would likely be able to deliver at 37 weeks, and all would be well. I went home, and that is when the whirlwind began. As soon as I went home, I felt a headache coming on. I wasn’t unfamiliar with the feelings, as I had been getting headaches quite a bit over the last

few weeks. I took two acetaminophen and tried to sleep it off. Three hours later, after no relief, I decided to text my wife. She then texted her mother, a Certified Nurse Midwife, who told her to take me back to the hospital as soon as possible, go right up to Labor and Delivery, and tell them that I am now a patient of one of her doctor colleagues. This is when I knew my world was about to get flipped upside down. The nurses at the hospital were some of the kindest humans I’ve ever encountered. They quickly got me into a room and did an examination that included taking my blood pressure. My blood pressure was 190/110, and the nurse was clearly concerned. At this point, I was 34 weeks pregnant on the dot and scared out of my mind. The nurse went to go check with my doctor (a man I still never met, but was a colleague of my mother-in-law), came back, and said, “So, you’re here to have a baby.”

Photo By: Trina Reed Photography

When you’re pregnant, there is constant talk about your “delivery plan.” How do you envision your delivery? Medication or not? Who will be in the room? Do you want to use a tub? Do you want to use a ball? Do you want the baby placed right on your chest? There is so much talk about a delivery plan, you begin to envision your perfect, dream delivery. At that moment, when the nurse told me I was having my baby at 34 weeks, I knew that my plan was no longer going to happen, and I was crushed. If there is any advice I would give a pregnant woman, it is to have a delivery plan, but to be prepared for that plan not to go as planned. I have a tattoo on my foot that says “in omnia paratus.” It means “ready for anything” in Latin. I’ve never felt the meaning of that tattoo as strongly as I did at that moment. Right then, I knew I had to be ready for anything, more ready that I ever have been, and in that moment, I felt a

strength within myself that I never knew wa s there. As crushed as I was, I didn’t cry. I didn’t break down. My anxiety didn’t get the best of me. I said, “Okay,” marched into the bathroom to undress, and got into a hospital robe. I was about to be a mother, and that baby needed me to be strong. I was quickly moved into a delivery room, and padding was placed around my bed because of my risk of seizure. I was hooked up to magnesium and my blood pressure was taken every 15 minutes for almost 24 hours. Despite a valiant effort to induce labor, my body and my baby weren’t ready. Contractions were pretty much non-existent, so after four doses of medication meant to induce labor (traditionally, the standard is to give only three doses) on October 9th, five weeks and six days earlier than expected, I entered the operating room for a c-section to be performed by a doctor I had met only once at this point. It was terrifying that they were about to take my baby from my body before he was ready. This wasn’t my birth plan, this wasn’t my hospital, and this wasn’t my doctor. In my everyday life, I am stubborn as an ox, determined to do everything on my own. I accept little help when offered, and rarely, if ever, ask for it. I hide my emotions, and never let anyone see me sweat. In this situation, however, all bets were off. I felt my walls crumble. I felt no shame insisting that my mother-in-law (a hospital employee) enter the OR with me. I felt no shame admitting that I wanted and needed her to hold my hand as the anesthesiologist numbed the sensation in the lower half of my body. I was completely vulnerable, and I was okay with it. From this moment, I will take with me the lesson that vulnerability is not a bad thing, and I hope to pass that lesson along to my son. Lacey entered the OR, and before we knew it, at 12:40

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pm, my baby left my body and entered the world and the NICU, a place no parent wants to see. Besides a momentary peak as he was lifted from my body, I did not get to see my baby for another three hours. After that, I couldn’t touch him for several more hours. It was the next day before I got to hold him. He spent his first day of life intubated, and his first week hooked up to more tubes and wires than I ever imagined seeing on my child, including an IV in his head. This was by far the hardest week of my entire life. It was filled with joy every time our boy made a bit of progress and tears every time we had to leave the NICU without him in our arms. It’s an experience unlike any other, and unless you are a NICU parent, it’s impossible to understand. There were times I wanted to break down, curl up, and cry. There were times I just wanted to wallow in self-pity. Then I would remember the little human fighting not only to survive, but to thrive, and I put myself back together because if that tiny baby can be strong, so could I. I started to think that if I became stronger I could give some of my strength to him. I dug deeper than I ever have before, and I learned just how strong I really can be. Before this experience, I must admit that jealousy was something that would overcome me way more often that I would like to admit. One of the things the NICU teaches you is how to overcome that feeling. At first, I was scared that every time another baby was discharged from

the NICU, a fit of jealousy would overtake me, but it didn’t. Like I said, the NICU is a place no parent wants to be, and it’s a place no parent wants anyone else to be, either. I quickly realized that being jealous of a baby being healthy enough to go home to his or her family would not change the fact that my son wasn’t quite there yet. Knowing the pain and heartbreak that the NICU can cause, I found myself filled with joy when a baby would get to leave, and a family was finally able to be whole. These parents and babies have been through hell and back again, and each and every one of them deserves to be together, snuggled up as a family, outside of the confines of those four walls. I carry this with me to this day. Being jealous of what someone else has does not change what I have - yet another piece of wisdom I hope to impart on my son. This experience truly was life changing for me. Not only did it turn me into a mother, but it humbled me in ways I never thought possible. It tore down walls that needed to be broken down. It taught me patience and brought out every ounce of inner strength I never knew I had. It broke me down, and it forced me to figure out how to put myself back together again. It made me realize that with sunshine comes rain, and each serves a unique purpose. It was the hardest experience I ever had to go through, and because of it, I truly feel that I am now ready for anything.

The Truth Behind Entrepreneurship + The 10 Raw Life Lessons Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Taught Me

By: Alana Lima

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ave you ever done something that scared you just as much as it excited you? When I think of this question I think of everyone who’s gone skydiving. I personally haven’t, but I can imagine how freaky it must feel to be over a thousand feet up in the air and then jump! Why do people do it if it’s so damn scary? I think the answer to this question is, because the excitement of doing it is stronger than the fear. For me, starting a business felt like I was about to jump off a plane. I remember dreaming about being my own “boss” since I was nine. For 10 years, this momentum and dream built up for me. I knew I wanted to do or create something. I wasn’t sure what, but I had this inner calling that I wanted to create meaningful work that I loved and help people in their own journey. When I was 19, I remember deciding, “Okay, I'm going to start my business,” and it felt like this was the scariest life decision ever. What would people think? Would I fail? What if I failed? Would I handle it? Was I made for this? I had all these thoughts haunting my brain, but I didn’t know that decision itself meant my whole life was going to change. Growing up my dad was an entrepreneur. I’d see him celebrating his wins and I’d also see him so stressed out not knowing how he’d solve yet another hurdle that came his way. I had a flash of what entrepreneurship looked like in some way from an early age, but I really didn’t know what I was signing up for when I said I wanted to be one, too. My journey went from starting off making and selling essential oils on my website to doubling my income as a mindful business coach in just a couple

months. During this time I experienced a couple of different things: I learned a lot. Had many setbacks. Grew. Lost friends. Made new friends. Celebrated. Cried myself to sleep. Burned myself out. Worked while I was on vacation. Made more money than I did in a whole year. Spent all my savings. I felt proud. I was too hard on myself. I set poor boundaries. I took a break. I adjusted. I invested in myself. I changed my mindset. I pushed my comfort zone. I changed my life. Talk about growing pains. It’s been the wildest emotional rollercoaster of my life. And yet, I feel like growth masks it all. When people see growth, they see success. They glorify it. I’m proud of where I am today, mostly because I know what I've been through. My goal with the lessons I share here is to shed light on the not-so-sexy parts of entrepreneurship. Disclaimer: These aren’t meant to scare you out of taking action in any way. As you read them, my intention is for you to feel empowered to do so. I think the biggest fear around entrepreneurship is the fear of the unknown. When we look at entrepreneurs, we see growth and success, but we wonder what it looks like to not achieve that. That unknown is usually what holds us back from taking action.

At the end of the day, I would never turn back. I feel extremely grateful for the growth I experienced and the things I have made possible for both myself and others, and the momentum I now have to keep doing this. However, a lot of times it can feel lonely, especially with so many emotions involved. My goal here is to pull back the curtains by sharing with you the 10 life lessons that I learned in this journey so far from both the highs and lows. May these empower you on your own entrepreneur or personal life journey and may they remind you that you’re not alone on this ride! You got this. Lesson 1- People pleasing + poor boundaries = burn out If you’re anything like I was, you probably love making people feel good. The problem is, where do we draw the line? I learned that when we say “yes” to everything that others want and need from us, before considering ourselves, time and other commitments, we create poor boundaries. When you’re an entrepreneur and dealing with so many people, it’s important you set your healthy boundaries first. This will ensure you don’t burn yourself out from spreading yourself so thin!

tination. Everything you do or create serves its purpose, keep moving and shifting, you’re still in the right direction! Lesson 3- Self-care is a business practice I remember feeling guilty having “me” time because I always had 100+ things to do for my business. Reality check: you’ll always have 100+ things to do because there is always something you can do to grow your brand, but taking time for ourselves actually allows us to create with a better headspace. Make time for you to relax and have fun every day no matter how busy your to-do list is. Your business will benefit! Lesson 4-Most people give up too early I’ve seen so many people around me try once and give up. Truth: nobody will get it right the first time. Don’t give up, adjust. What didn’t work? What can work better? What haven’t you tried? Who can you ask for help? I don’t believe in quitting, but shifting. Sometimes we’re too hard on ourselves. If something isn’t working, step back and get curious.

Lesson 2- It’s okay to change direction. I used to think I needed to make a life plan and that my business and I would grow like XYZ. The reality is, as you start taking action you start getting clarity on what you feel more aligned with and sometimes that means completely changing directions. That is okay. This is a journey, not a final des-

This Is... Lesson 5- You’re the only thing that holds you back Here’s some hard truth to swallow. I know it was for me. It’s so easy to find an excuse why things aren’t working out. Sometimes you may feel like everything is off. Your business just isn’t working. I realized that it’s not really our business, it’s us. We’re the only thing holding ourselves back from making progress. Although a tough reality to accept, it’s empowering to realize we have the power to change the things that aren’t working. Lesson 7- Growth comes from making mistakes “Failures” and mistakes are the next best thing to success. They are the ultimate stepping stones to getting you to where you want to be. Every inspirational story you hear involves some sort of “failure,” because they are not really our “lows” if we keep going and realize they were just there to pivot us in the right direction. I used to hate looking back at my mistakes but now I love looking back and learning from them. Plus, you get to teach others how to not make the same mistakes. Lesson 8- Your value isn’t a number I’m going to call BS on “charge your worth.” You’re not “worth” a number. Your worth will never be quantified, no matter what anyone has ever told you. The value you share is based on the transformation and results you offer through your business. When we detach ourselves from our business “value” we no longer tie our value to its successes or failures, which can cause an emotional rollercoaster. Lesson 9- Everything starts with the mind You know those big dreams you have? They are the birth of any new venture you create. You have to allow yourself to dream and believe before you can see the manifestation of your business come to life. Dream, believe it can happen, take action, see results. If your mind isn’t there, odds are you won’t see results. Lesson 10 - Investing in yourself is an act of self-love We spend money on everything but when it comes to investing in ourselves it’s like, “Do I deserve this?” HECK YES YOU DO! Investing in your own personal growth is validation to yourself that you believe you will succeed. And that is an act of self love.

[The World] The World of Art: As Created By Kelsey Montague Art By: Krista Bridges

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hile scrolling through Instagram you’ve more than likely seen Kelsey Montague Art’s beautiful work. Perhaps you’ve been able to visit one of her pieces in person, stepping into and becoming a piece of the artwork. Kelsey and her sister, (aka business partner) Courtney Montague have been redefining the boundaries of street art over the past 5+ years, traveling the world and bringing life to spaces across the globe with Kelsey’s vibrant, whimsical designs. It’s quite the remarkable journey these two have been on - from the early days in NYC to making the front page of the NYT Art section, whilst growing their business and making a positive mark on the world as an international street artist. I asked Kelsey and Courtney if they would be open to sharing their story - as sisters, as an international business, as individuals - and how travel across the world has impacted their growth. Quick introduction, for those unfamiliar with who you are... Kelsey: My name is Kelsey Montague and I am an international street artist. I create interactive art pieces that invite a person “into” a piece. As people stand in front of my work they look like they are part of the piece. I believe art should not be separated from the human experi-

ence – in fact the human experience should have a hand in creating the art itself. Courtney: My name is Courtney Montague and I am business partner to Kelsey Montague. I handle all of our behind-the-scenes work, including negotiations, contracts and logistics for Kelsey’s work. I also often help Kelsey paint the murals. Where did your business start and where has your business grown internationally? K: My work initially took off in New York City. I did my first interactive piece there and it really resonated with people. Pretty soon there was a line to take a picture with the winged piece I drew. Since then I’ve been lucky to have been invited to 18 different countries on six continents to create interactive art. C: Kelsey Montague Art started in New York City. Kelsey was invited to create a street art piece on the side of a building in Manhattan, specifically in Nolita. She decided to do wings because she wanted to give New Yorkers the opportunity to feel beautiful and special. She wanted people to step into a piece and look like they could fly. That piece went viral online after

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Taylor Swift posted a photo with it. From there we have grown our company and done pieces all over the world. Some of our favorites are in Poland, Australia, Singapore, Cape Town, outside of Amsterdam and Los Angeles. How do you feel travel has changed (or reshaped) how you approach your work & Montague Art? K: Travel continues to inspire me and to fill me up creatively. When I go to a new place I’m often so struck by a culture’s use of color or texture. We are in Dubai right now and the Arabic patterns and wood working in the architecture here is outstanding. We were in Peru last month and the consistent use of bright colors in the native dress, especially pink, were inspirational to me. I love picking up these kinds of cultural cues and working them into my art. C: Travel continues to shape both of us. Every time we travel we learn more about a different culture, and that broadens our understanding of the human condition. I think it really motivates us to keep working and, for Kelsey, to keep creating work that means something to a community and that makes a statement. We just did a piece in Cusco, Peru to highlight a wonderful organization called “Peruvian Hearts” that supports young women by providing them with access to education. That piece, we hope, will continue to encourage and raise awareness about women’s rights in Peru. How have your perceptions of certain cultures, countries, states (etc.) transformed from five years ago? C: I think visiting certain places repeatedly has helped us gain a deeper understanding of certain cultures and communities around the world. We feel in many places we’ve gained friendships that have allowed us to break down some of the stereotypes we are often taught about certain cultures. Those relationships are key to understanding the basic truth that humans everywhere are primarily good, and people want to love their families, cre-

This Is... ate meaningful work and live in peace. K: Every time you go to a country and learn more about the culture and meet the people the ideas that were put in your head about who and what a culture is often fall apart. I love leaving a place with a first-hand understanding of its people. Do you have a favorite international project you've worked on? C: My favorite international project is the giant flamingo we did in Poland. It spanned the side of a building and was difficult physically and technically to produce (we spent 12 hours a day on a 70 ft lift) but I loved that project. I loved the people of Poland, the way they embraced the art and the opportunity to work on such a giant piece. K: I had the great honor of doing a small piece at the Lao Friends Hospital for Children in Luang Prabang in Laos. I loved meeting the incredible doctors there that are working with families and their children. Most memorable meal? K: This is tough since Courtney and I love to eat. I think my favorite meal was in Amsterdam at this little place called Moeders (mothers). Stewed beef, cabbage and boiled potatoes are my jam. C: My most memorable meal was in Byron Bay in Australia. Byron Bay is this utopia beach village in Australia and the city is packed with restaurants dedicated to farm-to-table food. Bayleaf Café serves amazing breakfast and Combi does great vegan fare (we have wings on their shop as well!). Any lessons learned or new skills you have acquired along the way? K: As far as art I think I’ve learned how to work more quickly … I think constantly being on the road has made me way more efficient when I work. When you are going from country to

This Is... country on a schedule, and dealing with uncertain weather, you don’t have the luxury of spending more time on a project than you’ve allotted. C: I think for traveling the biggest lesson we’ve learned is to always pack for all seasons. We are in Dubai’s desert right now and it is unexpectedly cold! We are glad we threw in a jacket. Also always carry a travel kit of meds you might need (check with a travel doctor to find out about region-specific medicines). And finally bring little trinkets from your home country to give to the wonderful people you meet or who help you as you travel. Trying to be a good representative of your country as you travel is key! What advice would you share with someone who has never left the country (or their state) and is hesitant to travel? K: Do it! Our first trip with our Mom to Europe changed our lives forever. We were all nervous, but after that trip I became addicted to travel and I am certain I would not be where I am now without it! C: For that first trip really plan out where you’re going and where you’re staying. Do your research on good hotels, restaurants and tour guides (if needed) and make those book-

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ings prior. That way when you leave you’ll have a sense of security around exactly what your trip will look like. Overall, how have you grown as individuals, as sisters, and as business partners through your worldly experiences? C: I think overall every time we travel we come back with new ideas about how to make better art, or how to create new business opportunities, or how to look at an issue in a different way. Overall, travel has also made our relationship stronger because we’ve shared so many wonderful and unique experiences. K: I am super blessed to have my sister to travel with. We have shared so many really incredible experiences and it has deepened our bond as sisters and also as determined business women. These two women are absolutely crushing it. Kelsey was most recently being featured on the cover of the NYT Arts section, as the only female of five artists selected by the NFL to design art for the 2020 Super Bowl. If you want to continue to follow their adventures you can find them on Instagram @kelseymontagueart and @montaguesisters #whatliftsyou, or visit Kelsey’s website https://kelseymontagueart.com where there is an interactive map to locate her murals and plan your next road trip!

[ A d u lt i n g ]

Growth in Grief By: Mandy Reilly

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y phone vibrated against the nightstand. I wiped my eyes sleepily and looked at the clock. It was after 2:00 in the morning. I knew what the phone call was without looking. I’d been waiting for it. We’d been waiting for Momma’s body to give out on her and for her to find eternal peace. Just because you’re waiting for something doesn’t mean you’re ready. Sometimes you’ll never be ready. I grabbed my phone and looked down to see “Daddy.” From now on he would bear the weight of both parents. There would be no “Mom and Dad” on my birthday cards. I wouldn’t have to help him shop for her on special occasions. The “history” in “family history” would slap me in the face each and every time I’d have to fill out paperwork. The “Momma” in my phone was now obsolete. She would never be on the other line. As I heard my father sobbing on the other line, I realized that this wasn’t just about me. It wasn’t just about her either. It was about the people she’d left behind who both understood that it was her time but who weren’t ready to let her go. I thought back to the moment that the doctor used the word “end stage” around my father, and he acted like it was the first time he’d heard it while I knew that we’d been on borrowed time for a while now. I thought back to the strength that my son had exhibited a few days before knowing he’d be saying goodbye to his beloved grandmother because he didn’t want to have any regrets in not having that moment with her. I thought of all the times she continued on when she didn’t think she could. And since I was her daughter, I knew I could do the same. Without her. As my husband and I drove to the hospital, a wave of relief flooded my body as I suspect it did for her as well at 2:10 am on December 4, 2019. Immediately following that relief was an overwhelming guilt that suffocated me from head to toe. That guilt has become a forgiving friend and a nagging enemy in the days and weeks since my mother’s death.

The medicines and inhalers that kept her breathing. The devices that kept her mobile. The machines and meters that kept her alive. I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but somehow those things became a prison for her. She became a detainee in her own body. Especially towards the end I didn’t recognize my mother. She weighed less than 100 pounds. Her memory was sporadic at best. I knew that she would never be the same if she left the hospital once my father told me she was going back. She hadn’t been herself for quite some time. We walked into the hospital and took the all too familiar path. I thought about how ten days before I watched her code. I watched through a bit of unclosed curtain as a team did chest compressions and other life saving measures. I collapsed to my knees because I wasn’t ready then. Throughout that ten days, it became increasingly clear that she wasn’t leaving the hospital. This time would be different. I’d always joked that she was like a cat, but even cats run out of lives. The infinite amount of time that we believe we have with our parents was becoming finite for me. As I’d intertwine our fingers, I’d wonder how much time we’d have left. I’d wonder if the time we did have was quality time. I thought about the day before she went into the hospital and how I’d rushed away from the dinner table. If it would have kept her alive, I would go back and sit there forever. I somehow was simultaneously ready and unprepared to walk into her hospice room knowing she was gone. As she found her peace, it would stir up a disturbance in my father that left me as baffled as he was inconsolable. “We had more to do.” His sobs after losing his soulmate will forever be etched in my memories. Grief isn’t a contest by any means, but sometimes we put our grieving aside to help someone who is affected more. Dad and I had gotten very different phone calls about

72 hours before. The family meeting we had scheduled for 3:00 that afternoon was not going to happen. His phone call said that my mother had something to tell him. My phone call from the nurse said that I should probably be there for my father because my mother was ready to die. I couldn’t help but wonder how someone gets to that point. How much fighting does it take to realize you won’t win the battle? How hard must it be to figure out that it’s time to hope the legacy you’ve created is enough? Sometimes the ultimate test of strength is realizing that your strength has evaporated. I knew she was ready. I could see it in her face two days before as I’d brushed her hair. Her hair came out in clumps. It had never done that, and she was so out of it that she didn’t notice. Her body was so weak and I doubt she had even realized I was there. But there was nowhere else I would have rather been. She didn’t remember that I was there almost every day. She looked at me and told me that no one was there to visit her. I told her about how I laid with her. How I held her hand and prepared her for a test that now seemed obsolete and she looked confused. That wasn’t my mom. That wasn’t the woman I’d idolized for so long. But it was her and she was crying out for help. She was ready then, I realized as I looked back. But she’d waited for me to figure it out so that I could help the others. The first thing I did without my mom was pack up her hospice room. I told the nurse it was something I had to do by myself. As I packed up her belongings, she looked peaceful. There was a glimmer of the mother I’d known and loved. There were no machines. No tubes or IVs or pain. The stark white hospital blanket was a far cry from her fuzzy purple blanket, but I’d like to think she was getting her wings as I covered her up. My mother was now my angel. I’ve done a lot of things since that day. I’ve made decisions I didn’t think I had in me. I delivered a eulogy that would have made her proud. Perhaps my biggest accomplishment was realizing that there could be a life without her. Is it one that I prefer? No. Can it be good? Yes. When I saw my therapist for the first time after my mother’s death, I exclaimed that I wasn’t grieving like I “thought” I should be…like I thought I would be. It was then that she’d reminded me of the first time I saw her and we set goals for my treatment. I apparently had told her then that my mother was dying and that I needed the strength to get through the inevitable. I’d like to thank that version of myself for realizing that growth doesn’t happen overnight. I must remember, however, that growth doesn’t happen in a year’s time either. Growth and grief are a lot alike, and for me, they’ve come hand in hand. Both are ever-evolving processes that you never fully recover from. I will never fully come to terms with losing my mother because as I told my son, I lost so much more that day. I lost a friend, a confidante and a security blanket. But I’ve come to realize through this period of my life that it’s possible to grow through what you’re going through. It’s what she would have wanted for me. I now know it’s what I want for myself too.

How Colorism Changed My Life By: Karishma Donde

I N S P I

Photo By: TKelli Bee Photography

R I N G

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hen I was ten years old my family was uprooted from Columbus, Ohio to Sacramento, California. Now, you may think of Cali as an open minded and accepting state - an idyllic place to grow up as an American-born Indian girl with immigrant parents - however, because California is more culturally sensitive and aware, the complete opposite was true. In Ohio we got to be children - everyone played together and the neig hborhood kids were all friends. I don’t think I really saw color until we moved to Cali. My mom used to make me call all the other kids’ moms Aunty and none of them minded - they actually accepted it as a cultural norm.

myself and my culture, such as calling me “hindu bob,” or this one girl who told me that I “should go back to Africa where I belong.” I would walk to school and it was normal for people to heckle as they drove by or threw things at me from their cars. Very quickly and often I was reminded that I was “different” than everyone else. Of course, racism within the Indian culture exists too—constantly commenting on the lightness of someone’s skin. As an Indian female this is especially true. If you are dark it’s harder for you to get married according to literally any immigrant mother, and was something I was always reminded of. Even within my community of people, I was frequently called a Tamil as an insult. I played tennis, was on a swim team outside of school and frequently outside, so I was super tanned and dark.

Despite being in a new country, the old implications of color followed and of course led to years of battling my own self esteem issues.

We moved to a suburb of a suburb in Cali known as Granite Bay. At the time it was still developing, but by the time I was in high school the city was compared to the Orange County of Northern California and there was almost no culture or diversity in the town except for a few select kids. Kids acted a lot older in Granite Bay, unlike Ohio, and were very quick to point out differences between them and me. I remember it being obvious that I was one of two colored kids on the tennis team, and I was once told I only won talent shows by default because the school and community wanted to show how culturally aware they were, while quietly ostracizing and segregating me. I would say at least annually there was something that happened that was egregiously defamatory to

I never understood why darker skin was such a bad trait and why there was this constant talk of North Indian vs. South Indian when we are all in a “new nation” and should be united. Despite being in a new country, the old implications of color followed and of course led to years of battling my own self esteem issues. I would wear long sleeves to the beach, test out new products to make my face look lighter, and constantly compare myself to other family members who were lighter skinned and therefore “prettier” than I was. I was completely lost, confused and definitely did not

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Why didn’t she reach out for help? Did she feel like her community, parents, friends and city had abandoned her? I guess we will never know, but I knew that I was alive and feeling those things. Her suicide happened on my birthday. Coincidence or not, I took it as a sign to start exploring my own depressive feelings and self-acceptance.

Photo By: Onye Creative Studios

It took abandoning my own community and getting away from all the negativity to finally come to a place of peace in order to embrace my culture, community, family and myself for the beauty instead of the ugly. Just like in any cultural community, problems do exist, and it took me years to actually start confronting my issues (because it was much easier to avoid them), becoming conscious of social pressures and talking about all the things that I would like to change—especially about the division and colorism in my own community.

know who I was - but did I care? I knew I was unhappy and depressed, but it wasn’t until my friend Monica committed suicide when we were in high school that I realized this colorism issue was bigger than me and my internal feelings. Monica was the first friend I made when I moved to California. She lived in the apartments next to mine and was an only child to a South Indian family and our families instantly became friends. Monica didn’t leave a note. One day, just before her tennis lesson she decided to hang herself in the guest room closet. It was shocking—I didn’t even know what to think.

My own exploration of cultural identity, norms and acceptance has led me to become “The Culture Coach” who gets to finally help first generation immigrants take charge of their lives and find their own freedom and happiness without the guilt and cultural shame. Of course, no one can bring Monica back or understand what she felt, but sometimes all it takes is one person speaking up and bringing awareness to the injustices and issues to have a positive influence on others. I hope that by sharing my own experience and stories that they impact even one person or save even one life because then I will have succeeded in my mission to show others that we don’t have to be captive to our societal norms and that love always wins.

[ H e a lt h y ] What is Clean Beauty? By: Ashley Lorraine Wiesner

y now, most of us know clean beauty is a thing. There are lists of bad words—phthalates, parabens and hydroquinone. Lists of must have products—deodorants, lipstick, sunscreen. And a whole lot of questions in between—are fragrances actually bad? The truth is, the beauty and self-care industry is basically unregulated. It’s been over 80 years since cosmetic regulations were updated, and the FDA has no say over the beauty industry. This means that green, clean, or eco can be used as a marketing tool on toxic products. Basically, the beauty industry is the wild west and consumers are left to fend for themselves and find answers to the tough questions: What should I actually do? What should I avoid? What do the buzzwords mean? What should I actually do? It’s pretty intuitive. If it’s a product you use often and that covers large portions of your body, upgrade to a clean alternative. Think body lotions, deodorants, face moisturizers. Add in other clean switches for hair products, skincare, and makeup. What should I avoid? The beauty industry is vast and there are a lot of potentially toxic ingredients in products, but there are some ingredients that are widely used and should be avoided completely.

Parabens are preservatives that keep bacteria and mold from growing in beauty products. However, studies show they mimic estrogen and impact the endocrine system. The EU banned the top five parabens in 2014 and the FDA has started investigations on parabens. Fragrance and phthalates work together to create long lasting scents. Fragrances are trade secret and are made of unknown artificial or natural chemicals

Other ingredients to avoid: • Ethoxylated Agents, otherwise known as PEGs, oleth, sulfates • Formaldehyde, yes this is actually in beauty products • Refined petroleum, often listed as mineral oil or paraffin • Talc, it’s often contaminated with asbestos • Triclosan, you’ll find this in hand sanitizer or soap What do the buzzwords mean? Clean beauty products can be made of synthetic or natural ingredients. They are safe for use on the body, are nontoxic, and benefit the body. Green beauty typically refers to products that use natural or naturally occurring ingredients and have sustainable business practices. Organic certified products with the USDA seal contain 95% organic ingredients and comply with manufacturing requirements. Organic ingredients are used to avoid pesticides and introduce plant based ingredients. and phthalates help fragrances last longer and make substances pliable. Fragrances are commonly known to trigger asthma or allergies and phthalates are linked to obesity, type 2 diabetes, infertility, and more. Hydroquinone is often found in skin-lightening serums or creams or as treatment for hyperpigmentation. The truth is, it’s a topical bleaching agent that has been banned by the EU, Japan and Australia. It’s been linked to cancer, abnormal adrenal gland function, and decreased immune responses.

Non-toxic labelling means the product has shown no adverse effects, this can technically be true for any beauty product in the US market. In the clean beauty world, it means the product doesn’t include ingredients deemed toxic by third parties like the EU. Cruelty-free means the product was not tested on animals and that animal derived ingredients were not at the expense of the animal—this means products can be cruelty free but not vegan.

Ready to commit? Here are easy swaps to get the process started. Mad Hippie Vitamin C serum: If you arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t using a vitamin C serum, then you need to add one to your morning routine ASAP. vitamin C serum is an antioxidant that protects the skin and promotes collagen. It keeps your skin bright and reduces inflammation according to a 2013 study. This particular serum also contains hyaluronic acid to keep your skin hydrated. Bar soap: Forget the bar soaps of moderate hotel chains, and say hello to hydrating and soothing bar soaps that line the shelves of natural beauty sections. Great options include SheaMoisture, Acure, or soaps from local markets. Bar soaps also earn sustainable bonus points for cutting down on plastic waste. Honest Beauty mascara: Mascara is perhaps one of the easiest swaps. The Honest Beauty mascara features a primer on one end and a black mascara on the other. The primer thickens and lengthens the lashes and the mascara separates and lengthens in a light coat of black. No flaking, all day wear, and no eye irritation. This natural formula takes a bit to dry and is streaky, wait 60 seconds between coats.

[ O p i n i o n at e d ]

Living Abroad Helps You Grow Into A Better Person By: Branigan Wright

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here are pivotal times in every person’s life they can pinpoint that caused self-growth. For myself, I can recall many: high school and college graduations, starting my first job, moving out of my family home, having to pay my own bills (ew), bringing home my first dog whose life depended on me, and getting married are some of the most impactful times in my life that made me grow exponentially. However, there is nothing that trumps the growth that I’ve experienced while living outside of the United States. As a child, I was fortunate to have the opportunity to travel around the world. Looking back on my travels, I always thought that every place I visited taught me so much about those particular parts of the world, which it did, to an extent. Though this is true, visiting a country that’s the polar opposite of the United States does not force you to grow in the same way as living there does - which is exactly what I have been doing for the past three years in the incredible country of Indonesia. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine living outside of the U.S., but if – and this is a huge if – I were to ever live somewhere else, I’ve always envisioned the glitz and glamour of London or Paris. I never planned to step foot in Indonesia, or any part of Asia. As narrow-minded as this sounds, I never imagined that any country in Asia would possess anything that I’d want to see or experience, and frankly, before living in Indonesia, I truly despised the thought of moving there. I didn’t want to entertain the idea for a second because in my mind thinking about it gave it “life,” and this was a subject that I wanted to crash and burn. I foolishly hoped that if I didn’t think about the impending move, then maybe it wouldn’t happen. But, no sugarcoating here – I was in complete denial, and I knew it! At the time, not only was I scared shitless of this move and the new life I was about to embark on, but I had no idea how to prepare for such a life changing event. Who really does until you’re in the midst of it? Once you’re physically settled into a new place, in a foreign country, surrounded by people that seem so alien due to their completely different culture, lifestyle, language, religion, mindset – then, you have no choice but to grow - fast. Now, looking back on the past three years, I can honestly say that living in Asia has shown me that my

growth knows no bounds. Let me back track for a hot second before I get into the growth and transformation I’ve seen in myself since living in Indonesia. For years, I had formed a stereotype of what Asian countries must be like, which is disgusting, right? At the time, I didn’t know any better. I based my feelings on what I had seen in the news (which should always be taken with a grain of salt) and common misconceptions that many people are spoon fed throughout their lives about other countries and people that are “not like them.” Need some vague examples? How about: “That ‘third world country’ is so poverty-stricken, it’s too dangerous for westerners to visit because they’ll be a target for robbery,” or, “That country is predominately made up of people that have ___ beliefs, which are nothing like our beliefs, so we can’t consider them as equals.” Ring a bell? It sure does for me. When we don’t know any better, we start to believe those types of statements and form a preconceived opinion about something or someone that we do not have an ounce of personal experience with. It’s wrong on so many levels. But after being on this overseas journey that has consisted of visiting seven amazing Asian countries and meeting people from all walks of life, it’s truly changed me. I no longer have such a close-minded mentality. Three years ago, I would have looked at people like they were absolutely bonkers for wanting to live anywhere outside of the United States, but fast forward to the present, and I now wholeheartedly believe that everyone should not just travel to a different country, but experience what it’s like to be a fish out of water and live abroad for an extended period of time. Many people are probably thinking, heck no or that it’s not practical for them to pack up and move, which may be the case for some people. If you’ve considered it and you’re on the fence, then let me help you make the decision to take that leap. I am here to tell you that it is 1000% worth it, and the many ways that you’ll grow while living outside of your motherland are like no other. You’re given a front row seat to experiences that you wouldn’t get from just visiting a country for a week, and

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you damn sure wouldn’t get it from binge watching the Travel Channel. You’ll learn that there are parts of the world that are so painstakingly beautiful that you must see them for yourself because a quick Google search would never do those places justice. You’ll learn that people are overly accepting of foreigners, and they’re generally interested in learning about you and “your country.” You’ll learn to be grateful for every little thing that you have because many people have very little, yet they’re genuinely happy as they are. You’ll learn that your personality, beliefs, and mindset may be night and day compared to many people, but everyone coexists happily and peacefully. You’ll learn that many other countries are actually safe, and some may even be safer than the country that you’re from. Honestly, all of the points that I just mentioned are only the tip of the iceberg. Living abroad teaches so much that you have no choice but to grow by leaps & bounds, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing! For myself, I can say that all of my personal experiences abroad have molded me into a better person. I’m more empathetic to others, more understanding of cultural differences, and I possess an unwavering respect to every country that I visit and every local that I come in contact with. Afterall, I am merely a visitor, and I would expect people that visit the United States to have the same level of respect for my country and its customs.

Many people may not know this, but Indonesia is home to the largest Muslim population. I moved to Indonesia with the preconceived notion that being a Christian in a Muslim country would be a part of my life that I needed to keep under wraps. Little did I know, Indonesia proudly recognizes six religions, one of which is Christianity. But that’s not all! The city that I live in is home to the largest Mosque in Southeast Asia, which is right across the street from a Catholic church! How amazing is that? I never would have known this had I not lived here. This is a prime example that applies to any topic that people think they know about before they’ve actually experienced it firsthand! It’s been a very surreal experience to be able to share my religious beliefs with my Muslim friends, and they in turn teach me about their faith. People are generally interested (myself included), and it’s a judgement free zone when we delve into this topic. Who would have thought that people of different religions could not only coexist, but also respect each other’s beliefs? I don’t want to categorize anyone by their faith, but I have to say, everyone I have come in contact with in Indonesia – Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, etc. – have been the kindest people. They always have warm, welcoming smiles on their faces. They’ll do anything they can to help you. They don’t care about the color of your skin, your faith, or trying to be better than you. They’ll treat you like an equal, and for me, this is the biggest area of my life that I have really grown in, as I’ve learned to follow by their example. Just because you may not understand someone’s religious beliefs, upbringing, or mentality

This Is... does not give anyone the right to judge or think they are better than others. Don’t get me wrong, I never thought that judging others in any capacity was okay, but I’m even more hyper aware of this now that I’ve lived in a country that’s so different from anything I’ve ever known. Living in Indonesia has given me a better understanding of a religion that I once knew so little about. It has taught me that I must really do my part to educate people on not stereotyping or judging others based on their religious beliefs (amongst many other reasons not to judge someone). This also includes teaching people not to believe that a few “bad seeds” that follow a religion must mean that everyone that follows that same religion is equally as bad. That is the farthest thing from the truth! I plan to take many invaluable lessons to the United States once I move back later this year. At the top of my list will be to teach people to be more accepting of others and to express to people just how worth it it is to live in another country! I’m so thankful for the opportunity to live abroad, which has transformed me into a better version of myself. I highly suggest to each and every one of you that is reading this to take on the big, “scary” world and live abroad for a while, learn about cultures that you currently know very little about and have as many “once in a lifetime experiences” as you can possibly have. Because, little do you know, the experiences you’ll have while living abroad are like nothing you’ve ever experienced before, and they too will help you to grow into an even better version of yourself. Then, down the road, that newfound growth will help you see everything in life with a new, kinder perspective, which is something that all humans could definitely use a little bit more of. Full disclosure: I moved to Indonesia because of my spouse’s career. It was one of the scariest yet best choices we could have made! #NoRegrets

From People Pleaser To Finding My Path

[Vulnerable]

By: Sydney Yelton

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was feeling stuck. Worthless, with no goals for the future, no vision, no plan. I felt broken. The person I was in love with didn’t love me anymore, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Every single day was the same, and I wasn’t growing or going anywhere with my life. Additionally, I was a year out of high school with three associates degrees. This felt “good,” but I didn’t know what to do with them. I felt like the only thing I could do was please people. All I did was work; picking up empty shifts, often working between 8-12 hours a day, five days a week. After two years of working at my local pool, I was burned out. I felt like nobody at work was hearing or seeing me, even though I was always working. I started to have anxiety attacks before, during, and after work. This wasn’t normal for me, I had never had anxiety attacks in my past. I was hurting and I knew that I didn’t deserve to feel that way. When the fall of 2019 came, I wasn’t ready to start school again. At the same time, I didn’t want to waste a year doing nothing. I knew that I wanted to make a difference in the world, work on growing myself, and explore the possibilities that the world had to offer me. I decided to buy a one way ticket to Hawaii. I was excited, nervous, and I felt clueless. I knew it was the right thing to do for me, so I sat myself down and planned. I found a shared living space, a bus route, and the Aloha Animal Sanctuary located on Oahu. I volunteered at the sanctuary for a month. The people there were full of light, had no judgements, and I felt welcomed. My time at the sanctuary changed me. I learned about compassion, reconnected with the Earth, and uncovered my core values. I easily became vegan, not only for the environment and animals, but my health improved too. This was all because I had decided to risk flying across the ocean alone.

Since my trip to Hawaii I have applied to the University of Hawaii, because it felt like home, and now I have a clearer idea of what I want to study: geography and environmental science. Along with gaining clarity about what I want for my future, I also have uncovered hidden passions and hobbies that fill me with excitement and are helping me navigate this world. This winter and spring I am setting off to solo travel South America. I am taking Spanish classes, working with kids, in farms, and learning about so many cultures. A year ago I would have never imagined that I would be where I am today. I know that I have a lot more to do with my life, and now when I look into my future, I feel excitement and wonder. I am no longer stuck. I know that another person's love doesn’t define me. I am now constantly moving, growing, and changing. I am not following the traditional, stereotypical American path of life, and that’s okay. For a while I thought that college straight out of high school was the only option, and if I didn’t do what all the other kids were doing, I would be a failure. Even though I thought this, part of me told me that “normal” wasn’t for me. I had to work with myself to change my scared thoughts of failure, and I soon realized that the only person I could fail was myself. I was finding that everybody was creating their own path in life; some looked similar, some different. I do know people who have gone straight into college and are happy with their decisions. What I have learned is it's important that you choose your life based on what’s best for you, and everybody's life looks different! For me, taking a year off from school has been beneficial and I would recommend it to anybody. All I ask is that you do what you do with purpose, love, and good energy. My purpose is to learn, grow, and give. Your path is unique and that is what makes life beautiful.

[ H o w -T o ]

E a sy Ways

to begin

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Your Own

Personal Growth By: Tara “Robin” Schinasi

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During our time on earth, we are meant to evolve and expand our true essence. As a society our schedules are overbooked, we’re stressed, depleted of energy and disconnected from our environment, but especially from ourselves. Cultivating your personal growth starts with this awareness and asks you to come back to yourself as your center. So where to begin? The basis of all personal growth is in developing a relationship with yourself. What is your soul’s calling at every moment? Is it to be seen? To feel loved? To create? To connect? As a holistic health and life coach, I work with my clients to help them develop a strong relationship with both the light and the shadow in themselves. These are some of the quick tips I give my individual clients to cultivate their personal growth. Meditation If you are interested in creating a deep and profound relationship with yourself, then meditation is one of the most effective ways of doing so. I first began my meditation practice about two years ago and I started with about three minutes- yup! That’s it! And even that much was about torture. Over time I was able to increase that time to five minutes, then seven (I was stuck on seven minutes for a while), then it was 10 minutes, and now I regularly meditate about 20 minutes a day. It’s a common belief that meditating is all about clearing your mind and silencing it, and with a lot of practice, of course, being able to quiet the mind allows room for your soul to speak! However, this isn’t necessary, or, in my opinion, the true point of meditation. Everyone, even the monks who meditate all day, have thoughts running through their heads. The skill is in learning to observe them without judgment and attachment. It’s easy to get stuck in our heads and our thoughts because we share the same space as them, and it’s important to create the space for our thoughts by letting them be heard, seen, and acknowledged. My three minutes of meditation originally consisted of me just allowing any thought to come into my head. By letting them “get themselves out there”, I was able to thank them, and then focus on my day without having them nag at me due to being repressed.

Since beginning a regular longer meditation practice, I have been able to connect with my soul because there is no noise separating ourselves, and I have reduced my reactions in stressful situations. Although I didn’t realize it at first, my meditation practice has probably changed my life more than anything else on this list, which is why it’s listed first! Mindful Movement Moving your body every day has incredible scientific backing. It improves your mood by increasing your endorphins, improves your physical body, and helps you keep a more focused mind. Incorporating mindfulness into your movements helps you feel grounded, connected, and continues to aid in deepening your relationship with your physical body and surroundings. Yoga is one of the best forms of mindful movement as it connects your movement with your breath. However, any form of movement is mindful as long as you create it intentionally and feel fully present throughout your practice. Another example of mindful movement may be running or hiking outdoors. Practice appreciating the grass, trees or your general surroundings as you are in nature. Inhale and exhale deeply through your diaphragm. You can find a deeper connection with the practice of intentional movement and focusing on your breath. Learn Your Strengths I am a recovering perfectionist and as a result, if you had asked me my strengths a couple of years ago my answer may have been that I have none. I genuinely felt like I had nothing to bring to the table, and that I wasn’t unique or extraordinary at all. Learning my strengths was a part of my student leadership journey back in college, and is the foundation for my current lifestyle and business. Taking time to understand and explore one’s strengths creates an environment for you to focus on the positives within yourself and how you connect with those around you. There are different ways to learn your strengths, but my favorite by far is taking the Strengths Finder Quiz, which you can find online. You do have to pay a small fee for it, but it’s extremely eye-opening and it also gives you a detailed breakdown of what your strengths mean and how you can use them. You can also learn your strengths by interviewing your peers

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or friends about what they value in you, or meditating and reflecting on what situations made you shine. There are even other quizzes that are free that help you further explore the different aspects of yourself! I also love the Four Tendencies Quiz by Gretchen Rubin to learn about how you view accountability, and 16 Personalities is another great free online test. Once you learn your strengths, lean into them! Create experiences and environments where your strengths are valued and appreciated! Take time to develop yourself- through both education and play There is always more to learn! And learning in this way just isn’t the same as sitting in the classroom. It can be interactive, inspiring, and dare I say it-fun! I began my spiritual growth journey on Youtube. I followed “influencers” who I felt really spoke to me and motivated me. These people didn’t make me feel bad about where I was, they created audiences that were filled with love where they were now, and spoke about their personal experiences. Since then, I have shifted away from Youtube and more to books! Over the past two years, I have read more books than I did my entire duration in college. It’s been really insightful for me to be able to immerse myself in reading self development books. The first one I ever read was “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero. It was really what kickstarted a lot of different changes in my life and helped me see how many limiting beliefs I had. What’s important is finding a mode of learning that makes you feel inspired and good. If reading makes you feel like you are in school again, audiobooks, podcasts, and videos are other modes of learning and sharing information.

nine energy to thrive. I have recently been working on just finding books to read for fun! Play is something you enjoy that doesn’t directly relate to your health or toward your work. Find one or two things you enjoy doing that are just for you! Maybe it is taking a pottery class, painting, reading (not the self help books!), or dancing. Remember that you don’t even need to be “good” at it. We believe that we need to excel at our “hobbies” so that we can capitalize on them. I invite you to even step out of your comfort zone and try something you know you are bad at! Feel silly, laugh, and love every minute of it. The center of your personal growth is you! Everyone’s journey is totally unique to themselves. It will take time to experiment and figure out exactly what feels good in your body. The biggest take away is to enjoy the journey and also to feel supported in the not-so-great parts. Personal growth can seem exciting on paper, and it has long term fulfilling rewards, but not every aspect of it may feel easy. Connect with a strong support system of friends, family, healers and coaches to ensure that you feel safe and secure while you blossom toward your true soul's calling.

Developing yourself is more than just through education. This is something I am still working on focusing on myself, but it’s really important to give yourself time to just be, to play, and even be still. We live in a society that thrives on masculine energy. We must always be productive, always be working on or toward something, but it can leave us feeling drained and burnt out. It’s equally, if not more important given our societal structure, to find time and make space for our femi-

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[ H o w -T o ]

Confessions of a Perpetual Job Interviewer By: J L . R o s a

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aise your hand if you get the “Sunday scaries” thinking about going to work on Monday. Now place your hand on your belly if you hate your job. Next, place your other hand on your head if you feel trapped in your career. Rub your belly and pat your head if you’re tired of hearing things like “you should be grateful you even have a job,” or, “everyone hates their job, it’s normal.” What about “have you ever had a job that you do like?” If you’re still with me, not only do you look silly and can feel free to use me as a professional reference for your exceptional coordination skills, but according to an article by Forbes, you are part of the 53% of Americans who are unhappy in their job. Another study done by J.T O’Donnell, the Founder and CEO of workitdaily.com suggests that 70% of people are dissatisfied in their career choice. Anything about these statistics shock you yet? I am a millennial, I’m sure you’ve all heard the term used many times, but to be clear, this is the generation of people born between 1981 and 1996. All you folks out there in your mid-30s complaining about those entitled, lazy, and any other negative connotations associated with the term millennials, hate to break it to ya, but you’re complaining about yourself. Crazy I know, because I too forget I am one. In her article titled “A ‘millennial therapist’ explains why young people hate their jobs- and what to do about it,” Tess Brigham states that every single millennial patient she’s worked with has at some point expressed hate for their job. Does this fact depress you? She noted unrealistically high expectations of their day-to day work lives, impatience in regards to career growth, distorted reality due to social media overload (i.e everyone’s life is better than mine), lack of growth opportunities or compelling reasons to stay with the company as the main reasons for job hatred. Brigham suggested focusing on the exact reasons you’re unhappy instead of simply saying “I hate my job” and taking the time to know what you value and what your goal is before jumping to job boards to complete applications. I’ve often found myself unhappy in my work environment for various reasons: toxic environment or

culture, unrealistic expectations, little to no challenge or career growth, the list goes on. As someone who spends more time at work than I do at home, I’ve always found it very hard to separate the work disappointment from the rest of my life. In fact, I can say my research for this article proved I’m not alone in this feeling. Although I wish I was more like my husband who can leave his work at the door when he leaves at 4 pm (that’s right, 4 pm, so you know I’m already pissy that I don’t walk in the door until after 6 pm.) I’m not saying that he doesn’t work after hours, but rather that he’s really good at not stressing and detaching himself from that environment when he’s not there. Why haven’t I ever been able to do this? I’ve spent endless nights not sleeping, thinking about a project or dreaming about work tasks. Countless Sundays in the bathroom (I know TMI) with a nervous stomach ache. I’ve fought with my husband at night after a horrible day and I’ve had numerous panic attacks and cry sessions over what’s felt like a traumatic experience. Some of my stories and experiences are downright unbelievable. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve thrived in many difficult environments. I’ve received significant raises and promotions while succeeding at things many have failed at.I don’t tell you this to brag, but to assure you that I am not a self-pitying, “sit on my ass and complain” millennial. I once explained to a colleague how nothing bothers my husband, how he manages to stay calm literally all the time, and for a while I thought he’d never had a day of anxiety in his life. I later learned that wasn’t true, he just did a much better job of managing it than I do. However, he doesn’t let his job, or almost anything, work him into a frenzy in the way that I do. My colleague demanded I call him and ask how he manages to do this. On speaker, we explained our conversation to him and asked for his advice. He explained, “I know at the end of the day, I get to come to you and the baby, and that’s all that matters.” Yes, I know, it sounds made up, but he really said this. You can ask my colleague. And yes, I wanted to barf too. He later said that at various times throughout the day he consciously takes very deep breathes, and at other times has told me he tries not to focus on things that are out of his control. It feels cliché to say that my goal for 2020 is to focus on my career, so I’m saying that over the next year,

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my goal is to work on not letting this one aspect of my life control everything. For 2020, I will be working on my personal growth as it relates to how I view my career. To achieve this goal, here are some things I’m going to try: 1. Finding my reason why- I work to give my girls an amazing life. To allow us to have adventures, to not have to say no when they ask for things, (I see you judging me Karen!! So what if they’re spoiled?) and because I really like to shop. 2. Focus on one day at a time- I will take each day as it comes and try not to think past that day, resulting in the world piling up on me. I often think there is no way out and begin to feel trapped, which leads to… 3. Remember that this is only temporary- this is a season not a lifetime. I am confident that I am working toward finding a better situation for myself. In a short time, I will have a new setting and experience. For support, I reached out on my social media to chat with friends who love their jobs! My Facebook story reached a total of 39 people, while my Instagram story reached 61. Out of those views two people replied saying they loved their jobs. I’m not telling you this to show how lame I am and how small my social media outreach and presence is, but to point out that out of 61 people (because let’s assume the same people viewed on both platforms) 3% loved their jobs. To state the obvious, that means 97% of my friends do not like their jobs. I was actually surprised by this. My friend Joelle currently works as a book publicist and has been doing so for the last two years. When asked if she loved her job or the company, she stated, “Both! And it took me over 15 years in my career to find this! I love my clients, I love my daily work—I don’t dread Mondays!” She continued to state that everyone is truly a team player, acting as each other’s biggest cheerleaders, not competitors. No one steps over people to get ahead but rather helps each other do the best work for their clients. Kim, who I forced to answer these questions after getting tired of hearing how much she loved her job, was not part of my social media plea. She currently works as a supply planner. While she loves what she does, she really loves the culture. “The culture of the company is different than what I am accustomed to. In the past, you were never praised for the good things you did. Only got mocked for the bad things. Here, you get recognized for milestones that get hit or praised for doing a good job. Everyone helps one another out and is a true team.” Tovah, who I dubbed the most positive person I spoke to, took a non-traditional route after losing her job and

This Is... became her own boss! She currently works as the founder and CYO, Chief Yoga Officer, of "Tovah Yoga", where she teaches both yoga and boot camp style fitness classes. Additionally, she works with a popular health corporation to offer health and wellness counseling and product solutions for people looking to improve their health, and even trains others to do the same. When asked about leaving the comforts of a traditional career, Tovah said, “It wasn’t easy! I remember a former coworker telling me, ‘if you never go back to working full time I’ll be impressed and jealous.’ In the beginning it was financially really, really hard. But I knew what I wanted for myself, to have more flexibility in my schedule and to follow my passions. So I hung in there and made it work!” When talking about horrible job experiences, Joelle stated, “I have had jobs where my coworkers were truly mean girls (and even called their group that!). Places where employees yell at each other, company leaders scream. The tension in places like that is so unhealthy. I've also had jobs where people look down on moms for leaving at 5:00 because we want to be present with our kids. You can work hard and smart and still clock out at 5:00.” Kim worked in an environment where her manager was on a power trip and micromanaged everything and everyone on their team. “There was no trust and she went behind your back on everything.” As for breaking points, Joelle once had a coworker actually throw paper in her face. “I knew she was a constant block for me and I would never get ahead or be equal with her in terms of titles, even though I was just as qualified and great. It wasn't worth my time and I didn't enjoy the work at all. So I moved on.” Kim’s breaking point is just as bad. Lies spread by her manager to cover a personal mistake got back to her. “I shut down and did what I needed to do to get through the day and went home.” Tovah didn’t recall ever having a job that she hated, but she did have jobs where she questioned the rationale and methodology behind their business choices. “I did get frustrated by having to follow other business owner's policies or practices of their business model that I didn't like or agree

with and would think to myself, ’If I owned this business, this is how I would be doing it,’ which wasn't really a breaking point, but definitely a clue that I would do things differently if it was my own fitness business.” It might not come as a surprise to you that I am currently job searching. Sadly, I often find myself job searching. Gallup, an analytics and advisory company, found that 60% of millennials are open to new opportunities. A manager even once told me to always be open to new positions, interview often and know the job market. I’m not intentionally taking his advice, but I’ve apparently been doing this for the majority of my career. I spend a total of three hours a day applying to jobs found on various job boards, as well as networking to make connections. In the last two months I’m sure I’ve applied to 100s of openings. I’ve had between 25 to 30 phone screenings resulting in five in-person interviews with only one job offer, where I was offered half my current salary for a job I have seven plus years of experience doing. Realistically, I had to turn the offer down. I clearly am the complete opposite of someone who picks the right jobs, but here are some things I have learned along the way: Know your worth and stick to it Everyone wants a good deal and will try to undervalue your experience. Understand what your experience is worth on the market and what your personal financial need is. Be confident and stern about this during interviews. It’s okay to express you’re willing to review all offers, but if you give off the feeling that there is wiggle room, you’ll likely get a lower offer. And remember, in business it’s completely common and acceptable to counter an offer. Don’t settle If you don’t get the one aspect you’re looking for, you’ll likely be looking for a new job relatively soon. I once took a job for a major pay cut, thinking it would be a great learning experience. Does it surprise you that I only worked there for about six weeks? It might seem like it’s never going to happen, but you get what you work for, and with

This Is... persistence the right opportunity will come. Don’t let people make you feel bad about “job jumping” It’s often a great way to make more money and gain more experience. Plus you should feel really good about taking control of your life and happiness. A lot of people are afraid to do this, and those are the ones who spend their lives unhappy in a job they hate. Do your research There are many places to read company reviews and it’s okay to ask questions about the culture, company expectations, and your interviewers’ personal experience. Kim agrees with this one, “I always read up about the company that I was applying to, to make sure that I thought I would be a good fit.” Trust your gut Remember that a lot of scorned and angry people like to write online reviews. It doesn’t mean they aren’t true, but in reality there are likely to be more bad reviews than good, because happy people don’t take to the internet to express their experience as often as pissed off people. Sometimes people will tell you anything you want to hear during an interview. Why? I don’t know. However, if you get a bad feeling about something, trust it, but also remember, what’s important to you isn’t the same as what’s important to someone else. One person’s trash (or bad job) is another person’s treasure (or dream job), and vice versa. Let me tell you a story. If you’re a potential employer, now would be a good time to run and grab a cup of coffee, ya know, take a break from reading this. You won’t miss anything good, promise! I’ll give you a minute… okay, now that it’s just us. I once got a call for an interview while sipping wine at a food and

wine pairing in Nashville. I thought it’d be an awesome idea to book the interview and go straight from the airport. Uh huh, I know, it gave me anxiety for the remainder of the trip as well. But as Bebe Rexha and the Florida Georgia Line guys sang during the free concert I happened to catch while in town, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be, baby just let it be.” I was leaving my fate up to god and air traffic control. On our last night there I studied for my interview and went to bed early. Just kidding, I was checking to make sure those potential employers weren’t still reading! So, on our last night, we got accidentally black out drunk on our way to a fancy dinner, which we never made it to. And I’m talking “escorted out of the bar by a big bouncer” drunk. We got maybe three hours of sleep and headed to the airport for our early morning flight, not shockingly still drunk. All was going well until a delay was announced while we sat on the runway. Frantic, I called the airline and made arrangements to get on a different connection flight and emailed to push my interview back. While waiting for my connection, it hit me, the beginning of a hangover and disgust over my poor life choices. Oh and another delay. But I could still make it, until I was forced to check my carry-on bag while boarding. Cue cursing at the airline employees here. As I boarded the plane, in tears, I thought how much I wanted this job and how bad I was blowing it. After landing and finally securing my bag, I raced to the interview, keeping an eye out for the eagle that would likely fly down and take my car away, because literally nothing else could go wrong at this point. I found a parking lot and changed my clothes. I’m talking my bare ass was out midday in a public parking lot. Got

This Is... back in the car, drove around the corner and made it to the interview on time. As I sat in the conference room, taking deep breaths, I realized I was still drunk and had seconds to pull it together. Walking into the building, I got a horrible feeling, and during the interview, I got equally horrible vibes. It was cold and not welcoming. I actually remember thinking, “I don’t want to work here.” Nonetheless, I killed it, and by the end of the interview, I had been offered the job. On my ride home Bebe Rexha filled the radio and sang directly to my soul, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be, baby just let it be.” And I knew it had to be a sign. After everything that could go wrong did, I got the job, so it must be destiny. On my first day I instantly hated it, and as if the universe couldn’t send me any other signs, I came down with a stomach virus mid-way through my second day and had to call out sick on my third. It wasn’t long before that dissatisfaction took over my life and affected every relationship and aspect outside of my career. In retrospect the world literally tried to warn me not to take this job! And I ignored it. So moral of the story, don’t be me, listen to your gut, not Bebe Rexha singing a pre-recorded top 10 song played every hour to millions of people on the radio. Know when it’s time to go In high school an adored retiring teacher once told us he felt like he’d stayed at the dance too long. That conversation really stuck with me. The longer you stay at a place that you’re unhappy, the more it will impact your life. And sometimes, it’s better to leave on a high note. Don’t feel like you have to stay somewhere that’s not right for you for any reason. That’s how people get trapped. There are many ways to explain short periods of work experience or gaps in your resume in a positive way. Spend some time researching this and talking with recruiters or HR representatives to get a few tips. Here’s some inspiration and advice from my job loving experts: Joelle: “You are not stuck in a horrible job! I tell my friends all the time to get the courage to move on. You can find work that allows you to follow your passion and make a living. Start taking steps to live that life. Maybe you will have to start with side gigs while you gain experience until you can leave your current job. But you have to start somewhere or

you won't go anywhere! There are so many options today to learn how to make a living doing what you love.” Tovah: “Do it even if you’re scared. Do it even if you’re not ready. Do it even if it isn’t the right time - there will never be a ‘right time.’ It is so scary to step out of your comfort zone - but outside of your comfort zone is where the magic happens. Most people won't do it. To step away from what is safe, what you know, where you go, what you do, a comfortable salary and benefits. But ultimately, it comes down to 1) following your passions and 2) loving your life. When your kids are grown up and look back on their childhood, do you want them to say ‘my mom went to work every day and hated it,’ or, ‘I watched my mom doing what she was passionate about.’ A friend of mine recently said someone asked her to think about what she wants people to say about her at her funeral (morbid, I know!) but it is a good question to ask yourself. Are you living the life you want to be remembered for?” Kim: “You are replaceable and the company can get rid of you at any moment. If you aren’t happy, go interview with other companies and you can feel the atmosphere when you interview with them. No job is worth going to every day where you feel miserable. It takes a toll on your health mentally, emotionally and physically and can hurt your personal life as well. There are other opportunities out there.” Writer’s note: By the time this article went to press, Rosa secured a new job and was completely happy with her life! ... BAHAHAHA just kidding, sorry for my poor “Sex and the City” movie reference but I’m likely still searching for something I LOVE! Even if statistics are against me, and I’m scarred from the bad hand I’ve been dealt, I still have faith it’s out there. I am confident that I am a valuable employee who will find my home. Even more, I am learning that my career does not define me. I’m taking a page from my husband’s book and allowing my beautiful girls and the many successes to guide me through the day. But don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted on my career happily ever after.

[Good Shit]

Let It Grow, Let It Gow, Let Your Hair Grow By: Camila Agurto

ou wake up one morning, stretch out of bed to go to the bathroom, look in the mirror and notice your hair. You look like you just came out of a wind tunnel and as you begin to run your fingers through your mane, feeling the oils, you remember it’s hair-

washing-day. You begin to brush all the knots out and just as you place your brush on the counter, you notice the nest of hair that you shed into the sink. You then proceed to think, “Hmm okay we all shed” as you gather your hair bits into a clump to toss into the garbage. Now, you are in the shower lathering

This Is... your locks and with each stroke, strands of your hair hug your fingers as you proceed to wipe them on the shower walls. Some strands fall to their demise and cluster at the mouth of your drain, clogging it. After gathering and disposing of those strands you wonder, am I shedding more than usual? You examine your hairline, part your hair different ways, comb through it with your hands catching more loose strands. You realize, yes, you are shedding way more than usual. So, what do you do? Do you do what I did and apply oil products to your scalp before washes, with essential oils like rosemary, thyme, and lavender? After using that, my scalp was nice and clean and my hair luscious, yet I was still shedding at an alarming speed. Being an investigative herbal student, I began to research to see what I could come up with. That is when I found out one of my favorite herbalists of our generation, Organic Olivia, had just come out with a hair growth product called “Mane Magic.” Olivia had been experiencing similar symptoms to mine from shedding an excessive amount of hair to scanty periods. So, March of 2019, I gave it a try and within a matter of weeks, I was shedding less and my hair was long and strong. Seriously, you could have made rope out of it and attempted to climb it like the guy in Rapunzel. So, how does this work? Her mane magic formula is a wonderful blend of Traditional Chinese Medicine herbs that nourish your blood and improve circulation as well as strengthening our hair follicles. In TCM, hair loss tends to be related to blood deficiency because hair is seen as an extension of your blood, therefore you want to incorporate blood building and moving herbs. If you are experiencing poor hair health, it may be related to blood stagnation*. The main herb in this formula is Fo-Ti root and its action in this formula is blood building which invigorates hair growth. Along with Fo-Ti you have Dong

Quai, White Peony, and Rehmannia just to name a few, which all support circulation of the blood in the body and Safflower to help strengthen the hair. Now, not every one of us is the same, therefore results may vary. First and foremost, it is always advised to consult with your doctor or a healthcare provider before taking new herbs or supplements. Also, consistency is key, this formula is usually most effective when taken for a minimum of two months or more. I consistently used this product back in March 2019 for two months and got the results I wanted with the bonus of it being extra shiny. Since then, I chopped and donated my locks in October and for the sake of transparency, I haven’t been as consistent as I would have liked to be in taking “Mane Magic.” Now, I am doing a personal challenge taking “Mane Magic” twice a day, every day (except during menstruation because it literally moves the blood) for two months. I will document with before and after pictures as well as a follow up every two weeks! I whole-heartedly trust the power of plants and the connections we have with them for we are a part of the same world. If you are trying to grow your hair, want to add more love to your locks, or are just curious and want to partake in this challenge, feel free to reach out to my Instagram @thisplantmami! You can also find more information about this product, what’s in it, and what it does on Organic Olivia’s website: organicolivia.com where she has a wonderfully informative write-up under the product description for “Mane Magic.” I hope you too let it grow, let it grow. *These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You should always consult with your healthcare professional before taking herbal supplements.

[Love]

Would you swipe right on yourself? By: Maddi Hofer

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know it’s a cliche to say that you shouldn’t base your self-worth off of how others see you, but the reason everyone says it is because it’s true. In a time when popular culture is saturated with images of perfection and unrealistic expectations, it’s easy to form a negative opinion of yourself. Some people go to social media to receive recognition and validation from others. Others might try looking into forms of self-improvement to change the things that make them imperfect in the opinion of society. When my self confidence was at one of its lowest points, I turned to online dating. When I first made my Tinder account, I had just been broken up with by my boyfriend of 15 months. He said he had fallen out of love with me, that he was no longer attracted to me. I have had problems with self confidence my entire life, but this was a new blow. The one person that should find me the most attractive, didn’t. Instead of turning internally to heal myself and rebuild my confidence in a healthy, constructive way, I looked to the opinions of men on Tinder. My thought process was if they told me I was pretty and if they found me attractive it would help build my selfworth. I confess that their compliments did make me feel better - in the beginning, anyway. It’s nice to be wanted by someone else, but that can only take you so far. I did go on some dates with men that I found on Tinder. If you’re waiting for the Tinder date horror stories, I’m sorry to disappoint you. None of my dates were awful or creepy, they just didn’t work out. Not only was I not finding a new partner, but the boost of confidence I was feeling in the beginning was fading. One of the main lessons I took away from my time online dating is that you

can be told you’re pretty a thousand times, but it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t believe it yourself. Luckily, I met someone who saw the real me and just how self conscious I was. Unlike the other men I had talked to, he didn’t just tell me I was beautiful, he helped show me why I am beautiful. He understood why I wanted to improve certain aspects of myself, but he accepted me without any improvements. The men before him showed me that how others saw me was not how I saw myself, and through his help I was able to try and fix my negative self-perceptions. Though I am still working on increasing my self confidence, I am in a much better place than I once was. I now realize that yes, there are going to be people that do not find you attractive, but there will also be others that do. Not only this, but since beauty is this relative concept, my looks should matter even less. What does matter is that you look in the mirror and focus on the positives instead of the negatives. Love yourself not just for your outer beauty but for your inner beauty as well. Though I still believe your self-worth should not be based on others’ perceptions, you should find others that help you see your true beauty. From personal experience, I know it can be difficult to find someone that encourages you to love yourself. I found that someone on Tinder, which is something I never thought I would say. Now we are happily married, and I do not believe I would have made the progress I have with my self confidence if I hadn’t met him. While having someone there helped me, there are many other ways that you can gain self confidence on your own. If you are at that low point, know that you are not alone. Whether you are searching for self-love or love from a partner, just keep looking, even in the most unexpected places.

[Failure]

The Process of Progress is Success By: Mollie Lyst

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ailure. The beloved concept that manages to bring up resistance and dread in a lot of us. It has a reputation for stopping us in our tracks on the pursuit of our goals, and can even convince us to give up altogether. Despite being defined as a “lack of success,” when it comes to growth, failure is a key ingredient for clarity and transformation. However you see failure in the present moment, we all have the power to transform how it shows up in our lives, through the way we choose to perceive it. The journey of our life is one of never ending growth. When we look back on our journey so far, there are bound to be times that we viewed ourselves or our situations as a failure. Not getting the job you really wanted. Having to move back in with your parents. The one that got away. Your business idea falling through.. When we look back on those times, does it seem fair to label them as failures? Or did they redirect you onto a path more aligned with who you are as a person? Did they teach you a valuable lesson? Did they make you stronger? The feeling of failure comes along to teach us resilience and patience. If you don’t let it stop you, it is a stepping stone on the path to success. It asks us to think about how much we really want what we’re going for, and to keep trying until we achieve our desired results. I have experienced a lot of road blocks along my path. However, true failure has only been something I have experienced when I have attached myself so personally to an outcome or an idea of “success” that anything short of that feels like a loss, a failure. However, this feeling of failure allows us to see where our blind spots are, so that we can adjust our approach. In my own growth journey I have come to understand that perceived “obstacles” or “set-backs” are usually catalysts for redirection onto the right path, or tests of patience and trust. It’s up to your intuition whether it is best to surrender to the redirection or push forward with what you desire. “Success is failure in progress” - Albert Einstein A failure is only a failure if we stop there, if we don’t decide to learn from the lesson and grow through it.

Failure is simply the universe being honest with us, it shows us what doesn’t work so that we can find out what truly does. If we choose to let go of our tightly held idea of what success looks like and the idea that we have to be perfect, we allow the process of trial and error to become our greatest teacher. Learning from our mistakes allows us to create a strong foundation, one that we can trust because it’s built on first hand experience. The energy put into the refinement and honing of your skills will be mirrored in the feeling of success and accomplishment by the time you have reached your goal. Failure is the foundation of growth. It is humbling to know we will not always get things right and that there is more knowledge to be earned through experience. Failure takes us into a beginner’s mindset and allows for the most creative solutions to be conspired. For me, failure has allowed me to grow more confident! As it requires us to be present and address the finer details rather than the bigger picture, we can really tackle things with our full attention. Once we have created a way to work through this “failure” we can move forward with more confidence, knowing that we gave it our all and learned how to troubleshoot along the way. So next time something doesn’t go to plan, you don’t get the outcome you were hoping for, or you end up feeling like a “failure,” remember that this is just another passing moment, it doesn’t end here, and every time you decide to pick yourself back up and try again failure fails to stand true to its definition. Really, you are succeeding every time you try. Growing is the process of success. But in order to figure out what conditions are best for our own growth, we must first try. The outcome of failure is surprisingly, usually valuable. We become more knowledgeable, and more confident in that knowledge because we know how we got there. With this information we not only help ourselves achieve results, but we now have value to share with others too. I wish you all the best of luck in following your heart towards your dreams and goals, and I hope that you take the time to recognise how much you have already accomplished, and appreciate the value of every obstacle and unexpected turn in your path.

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“You don’t just wake up and become the butterfly. Growth is a process.” - Rupi Kaur