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NOVEMBER 10 , 20199 ˾ T H I S D AY, T H E S U N D AY N E W S PA P E R
LOUD WHISPERS
Nnaji
Imoukhuede
Oshikoya
immunity he don naked so he ‘gast to respect himself’, but this one even with immunity don melt. Be like bro is looking at end of tenor and the possible consequences of mis-yarn hence the need to calm down and begin to show respect. Anyways, me I am not enjoying this new Wike abeg. The space is getting boring.
Supreme Court would now hear the case. By that time my battery had gone down so I went to charge the phone only for the phone to come up and presto, judgment had been given. This na real ‘Mr. Biggs’ judgment. No waste of time. Anyways, with that our man finally threw in the towel and went back to Dubai to continue with his retreat. Anyways, while we were still grappling with the many issues that disturb us in the land, one thing caught my attention: the possibility of Atiku contesting come 2023. Kai, that is the kind of thing you see those old men who still use chewing stick will spit out tobacco coloured spittle and shout – tufiakwa. Atiku recontest? For what na? Shey because Bubu did it four times and eventually won he wants to try himself? Shebi we have seen where that has got us as a people? Please whoever is muting this idea should stop o. That is how it will start like a tiny joke and before you know it, we will now come and be seeing one old man with walking stick and no teeth on the soap box asking for vote. Let me even say it here very clearly that even though the so-called youths of this country have not shown any seriousness in seizing the mantle of their destiny, the old ones should equally respect themselves and go and sit down. This Atiku did not run a compelling campaign, he did not fire our imaginations and relied too much on a public angst as fuel to catapult him to the throne and as such there was no eureka moment during the campaign. So he should just go and rest so that we can concentrate and remain focused in our search for true leadership. No be wetin we dey see. The beautiful ones are truly not yet born as that person said it.
contest. You see there is something really wrong with us as a people. It is no longer ordinary eye. There is something really wrong with Nigeria and its people. No wonder people are running away. The moment they appointed a local committee to screen entries and throw up nominations, I just knew that yeye will happen. Is it not us, we that will be changing NYSC post, we that will be doing man know man, we that will be doing ‘na my brother’? They have carried the rubbish to a timetested institution that has over the years - running almost into a century - built an enviable platform on integrity and strong values to go and try. So of all the indigenous movies that are churned out in this country that we have even divided into Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa, it is only this Genevieve one we have seen to put forward in clear variance with the guideline? This is just total crap and the Genevieve herself took time out of the shower to come and be explaining that English is our language and what binds the over 600 different languages together. Can you imagine, if not that because I have a major crush on her I would have called her something this morning. Please nobody will heal us if we don’t heal ourselves. People are bringing up initiatives to strengthen our culture and restore our dignity as a proud conglomeration of the black man, na Genevieve movie with bad English we throw out there? Please can we just stop this because it is very very annoying to say the least.
OBONO-OBLA – COME ON, BE A MAN I was trained by soldiers and if there is anything I do not like are cowards. We were trained to stand and take the bullet no matter what. Those days in the wild jungle that was Command Secondary School in Ipaja, if you were caught committing an offence and you ratted out your companions, you got double punishment. You were to show courage under fire and take the lashes like a man. Not cower and begin to sing like someone with a bad case of diarrhea. In fact your wahala will be worsened if you as much as opened your mouth. So you will understand my position as I am looking at this person like a yellow Rat. So now it is Osinbajo that is chasing him? When he was running around like a sheriff like he owned the country and was doing Rambo all over the place, he did not know that he was a minority from the Hills of Obruba and as such did not have the Hallo that he needed to protect him; he did not know o. I hear he was lord unto himself, carrying out Gestapo-type inquest and being everything. Well, today he has run away like they all do and is singing like a cannery accusing everybody but anybody for his fate. If I am not careful sef, he will say the Duke of Shomolu is also after him. Please my brother be a man and come back like Idiagbon did. That one came back after a military coup o. This one na democracy. So come back and defend yourself, it is your right my brother, we are waiting. ATIKU ABUBAKAR – TO RECONTEST? That Supreme Court judgment which finally put the final nail in the coffin of our man’s presidential ambition is the one we want to call fast food judgment. Mbok, as I see the breaking news that the
GENEVIEVE NNAJI – A MISSED OPPORTUNITY Something happened during the week. The movie lionheart and Nigeria’s only submission for a consideration at the Oscar’s was disqualified. I just look these people not knowing if to vex or just walk away. The criterion was simple - all nominees for a foreign language movie must be 95% in a foreign language. My people go chose movie with 90% English and only a smattering of Igbo to
AIGBOJE AIG-IMOUKHUEDE – WHAT A PLEASANT MIX-UP! You know it is not every time that you get to meet people that have redefined whole markets and industries the way this my lord has. The story started in a funny way. So I saw a name on my whats app – ‘Aigboje Access’ not being too sure of who I had saved under the name, thinking it was the beautiful sweet lady at the Awolowo road, Access bank branch, I said ‘hi’ and waited. You know how these babes can be posing so I wasn’t expecting a reply so quick but immediately, the reply came - hi. I shock. I started envisioning the girl in my head. She was short, dark with a
wonderful gap tooth. She was a teller cashier in the branch that is beside my favourite restaurant - Green Gourmet. Her skin is chocolatey brown and every time I had more than N5,000 to deposit na her branch I dey go. So that was me thinking, it was this beautiful specimen saying hi to me o? So I continued, ‘how are you… ‘she’ replied, ‘ I am fine’. I quickly call my brother Tunde to show the chats and the Yoruba man start to vex. He was also eyeing the girl that he was younger than me and did not understand why I was getting this mileage. I say look this one, is it today we have started this career? Mbok I continued o. By this time I checked ‘her’ DP no picture but Access Bank logo. I say ‘yes’. I quickly put my best picture, the one I took with Chief Emeka Anyaoku during my book launch so ‘she’ will know that I know people. By this time I was home and went straight into the toilet, lock the door before Duchess will come and catch me and scatter the merger between ‘Diamond and Access’. By this time, my confidence levels had gone very high, so I throw in my powerful line – can I come see you, I want to present my new book to you personally, ‘she’ say ‘sure’ mbok. I farted from excitement. I quickly close the phone o, put it in my pocket and went to lock it in the car boot. Went back upstairs to sleep with a smile on my face. When you have time go that branch, na she you will first see by the right so you can understand my wahala this morning. That is how the next morning, I continued – please when can I come in and the reply came instantly ‘Peter will call you’ – Peterrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Mbok who be Peter for this matter? Peterrrrrrrrrrrrr. I want to cry o. Is Peter the Branch Manager or her boyfriend? I never think finish when my phone ring and the voice say, hi I am Peter from Mr. Aigboje’s office, Aig will like to see you Wednesday 3.30pm. My people I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I accepted o, what choice do I have? Aig in my books is an icon and I will do anything to have a meet up with him. But anyways, I have gone to see him and will gist you later but for now, I dey go move my account to another branch down the road. I cannot kill myself. HELEN OSHIKOYA – I HAIL YOU Helen is a mental health Expert and a Chartered Education Accessor who has been championing what is today known as inclusive education. Inclusive education according to her is about ensuring access to quality education for all students by effectively meeting their diverse needs. If you follow what she is doing you will marvel at her spirit and devotion. You see, she was my School Mother while at school and was one of the most beautiful ladies I have ever come across. So for her to toe this remarkable line of giving society a chance by devoting her life to this worthy cause needs to be recognised. She is daily pushing this agenda with no material consideration but driven by the very unique desire to push it for betterment of society. It is highly commendable. Well done Obiageli, God bless you.