Life’s Rich Pattern

No Task Too Small

by Liz Foster

The irony of having more time to do stuff, as we get older, is now we have more stuff than time. And it all accumulates.

Illustration by Grace Kopsiaftis

Take domestic tasks. They all have an overlaid invisible graph with horizontal (urgent/not urgent) and vertical (important/not important) axes. Stuff landing in the not urgent/not important quadrant never gets a look in. If this is you, try using the gig economy and posting your job on air tasker. Or if you’re looking for extra cash, you don’t need any prior experience or skills, just a bit of pluck. Because there are some weird and whacky tasks out there. Not because the poster has kinky tendencies, but because they just can’t get to it themselves. Like the lady who was happy to front up $50 for someone to ‘dress her Persian cat, Miss Burrito’, every day at 7am. Sadly for the owner, Miss Burrito preferred a male dresser. Okay, you might think, fifty bucks isn’t too bad just for dressing a cat. It’s a cat. They don’t wear clothes. In and out in five, job done. Wrong. Turns out, this cat’s outfit comprised a leotard, a tutu and ballet slippers. The slippers alone could take up to an hour to tie around her ankles as ‘she loves to attack the ribbons and can get quite frisky,’ though the applicant needn’t worry as her ‘bites aren’t scary.’ In our household, the prime candidate for the not urgent/ not important category is picture hanging. I wouldn’t trust myself with a drill as far as I could throw Clive Palmer, so it’s a job for my husband. Rules of thumb are: • A quorum of at least three items is needed before anything will happen. • Mention must be made several times before it makes it to the mental to do list. This is a tricky tightrope, as you mustn’t be seen to nag, yet need to keep up the subtle pressure. Three mentions in six months is usually about right. • Be ready when he is. This could be at any point on any day. There can be no assembling or changing of picture mounts or deciding that the family wedding snap might actually look better halfway up the stairs whereas the sea kayaking action shot would definitely suit the hall. • As soon as you see the tip of the drill come into view, you need to spring into action, collect your (pre-prepared) frames from the cupboard and stand to attention like a soldier before roll call, awaiting instructions. • Once the operation commences, fall into step.

Supervision is essential to prevent potential needless holes that might need forming ‘while the drill’s out.’ • Practice your understanding yet sympathetic expression for when he storms back in saying the drill bit’s too big/ small/not the right calibre for the wall substrate where you’ve chosen the pics to go. It turns out Miss Burrito is also a Cat Stevens afficionado and needs to be serenaded with his tunes whilst being dressed. But never let it be said that she’s a fuss pot. If you don’t know any Cat Stevens numbers, Madonna will do, as long as it’s Material Girl. I might just take a leaf out of Miss Burrito’s owner’s book and pop my next picture hanging job on Air Tasker. So marital harmony is preserved, and the pictures finally make it onto the walls. I’m prepared to be flexible, and while ballet shoes and a tutu aren’t essential uniform, the applicant is more than welcome to sing any Madonna song they like.

Liz Foster is a local writer and author. You can find more Life’s Rich Pattern features and more at www.lizfosterwriter.com