Now What?

2 Issue 79.13

INTRO

“I’m gonna give you something and you’re gonna enjoy it.”

Peter R. Clark, Entertainment Editor

Alejandro Ramos, Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com Bailey Mount, Managing Editor manager@lbunion.com Nathan Zankich, Web Manager web@lbunion.com Alexis Cruz, Social Media Manager Andrew Linde, Multimedia Manager Allison Meyer, Multimedia Assistant Alfredo Banuelos, Advertising Executive Christopher Orozco, Distribution Manager ART & DESIGN Sam Orihuela, Art Director artdirector@lbunion.com John Mueller, Graphics Illustrator illustration@lbunion.com EDITORIAL Matthew Gozzip, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com Sylvana Uribe, Community Editor community@lbunion.com Amanda Del Cid, Community Editor community@lbunion.com Sheila Sadr, Copy Editor Elizabeth Nguyen, Copy Editor Amanda Dominguez-Chio, Culture Editor amanda@lbunion.com Madison Gallegos, Culture Editor madison@lbunion.com Peter R. Clark, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com Zach Phelps, Food Editor food@lbunion.com Grim Fandango, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com Kaila-Marie Hardaway, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Elliott Gatica, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Jordan Daniels, Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com Mario Lopez, Travel Editor travel@lbunion.com STAFF WRITERS Martha Quijano Karrie Comfort CONTRIBUTORS Isaura Aceves, Emily Ayers, Danielle Gabriella, Selena Gonzalez, Oyinda Salako, Isaac da Silva, Nancy Soriano, Julia Velasco-Aguilar, Erick Zepeda COVER DESIGN BY: Sam Orihuela

FEATURE DESIGN BY: Sam Orihuela CONTACT US Snail Mail: 1212 Bellflower Blvd. Suite 116 Long Beach, CA 90815 Phone: 562.985.4867 E-mail: lbunion.info@gmail.com Website: medium.com/long-beach-unionweekly

@UnionWeekly

Hablamos con Ramos Alex Ramos Editor-In-Chief Yo, I’m tired and in my own feelings. So here goes.

Welcome to another issue of the Union Weekly, where we write things good and get on each others nerves.

It could just be close-to-the-end-of-thesemester jitters, but it seemed like everyone was on edge this week. I get it; we’re deep into it at this point.

We spend a lot of time together. Maybe a little too much time. I know I’ve only seen my roommates for a small amount of time since the beginning of the semester.

For all the time we spend together, I don’t think we give each other enough praise.

Starting with our section editors, who do a lot of work from communicating with writers to collecting content to coming in on Saturdays to lay out the pages.

They definitely do not have easy jobs and it’s only getting harder on them as we near the end of the semester.

Despite that, they’ve managed to stay mostly consistent with the quality of their

work every week. I’m always blown away by the final product.

They don’t do everything, though.

That’s why we have other people on staff that come in just to do the little things that take us from being good to great. That’s why I want to give them a shout out.

To Sheila, who comes in and meticulously pores over our articles to make sure they’re grammatically and structurally up to par.

To Nathan, who goes above and beyond his job title to design graphics for us.

To Samantha, who somehow manages to make incredible layouts and designs for the features on short notice.

To Alexis, who does more than her job calls for to make sure Bailey and I communicate with the staff and each other.

And to the contributors, who spend their free time filling our pages with content for nothing more than a chance to prove themselves.

This small but dedicated group of people do more than they get credit for. So, I would like to say thank you to them for making this such a great publication.

This staff as a whole deserves praise.

They are all extremely talented and hardworking, when the mood strikes them and we’re all having a good week.

The Union Weekly is that much better because they chose to this as the starting point of their careers and to have us as the ones helping them with that.

And so, welcome to another issue of the Union Weekly, where we write things well and try to help each other excel.

Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of their individual authors, not the Union Weekly, ASI nor CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.

Delving into the Secretary for Disability Affairs' passion for public service For a lot of people, there are key moments in their lives that reveal a deeper passion within them.

For the Secretary for Disability Affairs Simran Nath, her love of helping people was intensified after she experienced creating a community center in her hometown.

Growing up in the Bay Area, Nath said she and her high school friends saw the desperate need for a safe haven for students to get out of the streets. After a five-year effort, her city created a multimillion-dollar community center in 2013.

“The center drew in students from all of the neighboring cities and brought everyone together,” said Nath. “Seeing this dream that we all had turn into a reality was amazing. If you see someone do something good, it creates a domino effect, and that is something I want to bring to the community in Long Beach.”

Nath recently attended an event hosted by the City of Long Beach called Inclusion in the Workplace where ASI received a certificate of recognition for their support of disabled students on CSULB’s campus.

“This was the first time that the city of Long Beach contacted our school to be a

Looking Beyond the Uniform Student reflects on ride along experience with campus police

By Selena Gonzalez Contributor Illustration by John Mueller Graphics Illustrator

Words and Photo by Emily Ayers ASI Press Secretary

COMMUNITY

Cabinet Spotlight: Simran Nath

3

part of the event,” said Nath. “I think this is our way to demonstrate that our campus is fully involved in doing what we can for disabled students in the community and on our campus.”

Making sure the Long Beach community

knows what CSULB make them feel equal offers their disabled as a student.” students is important The power of Disabled Student Services to Nath. seeing her dreams Office She said it is a way become a reality has to encourage people molded Nath into a in the community to leader who is eager Location: come back to school to use her position in Brotman Hall, Room 270 since they know they student government will have whatever to bring the visions support they need of CSULB students Contact: when they arrive. to life.

(562) 985-5401 Nath’s most recent Another source dss@csulb.edu project has been of Nath’s passion Disability Awareness for advocating on Week, which kicks behalf of disabled Hours: off on Nov. 16 with a students stems from Monday through Thursday: resource fair, and “A personal experiences Day in Our Shoes” dealing with both 8 a.m. - 7 p.m. event from 11 a.m. to friends and family Friday: 8 a.m. - 5p.m.

1 p.m. in front of the members battling Student Recreation with mental health and Wellness Center. issues. Her insight On Nov. 17, has given her a level Contact Simran: there will be a panel of understanding in discussion at the Simran.Nath@student.csulb.edu relating to students Beach Auditorium who might be dealing from 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. with a disability.

“These events are “Hearing different important in letting students know that there student cases and concerns around campus I are these amazing resources on campus for can’t help but want to get involved,” said Nath. them,” said Nath.

“When I hear about certain situations I “They can utilize these tools and there are can’t help but want to say ‘no this shouldn’t people on campus who will fight for them and be happening to you.’ I can’t help but want to delegate on behalf of whatever it is they need to fight for them.”

When many people think about a police officer, they think of the recent incidents about police brutality and are quick to not look past the uniform. There are several stereotypes about officers, including a love of donuts, giving tickets, or that they take the job home and only exist to ruin people’s lives.

Officer Chad Robbins debunked all these stereotypes. He is in his early 30’s and in his seventh year working at Cal State Long Beach. His day starts at 6 a.m. and usually ends at 6 p.m.

He has a passion for both animals and the homeless. He doesn’t really eat donuts, nor like giving tickets to students as he is aware many are already struggling financially. Once he leaves his job, he becomes a normal person like the rest of us, and he loves to surf and golf.

Whenever you imagine someone in a cop car, it’s usually in the back after they’ve been arrested.

However, there are also those rare occasions when someone gets to sit shotgun in a cop car. This mostly only happens during ride alongs.

Officer Robbins was very welcoming of my peer and I riding inside his police vehicle, which becomes his sanctuary for most of

his shift. He patrols around campus and the surrounding streets within a few miles of Cal State Long Beach.

Officer Robbins also makes a point of checking in on his homeless friends near the area. He took us during the ride along to meet a homeless couple, Denise and George, and their cat Zippy. He wanted us to see

what good comes from his work and how the stereotypes that make cops seem like the bad people are far from true.

He asked Denise and George about their day and if they or Zippy needed anything. He promised to return to visit them soon before returning us to campus, where our adventure ended with a deeper respect for officers.

4 OPINIONS

Your Appropriation is Inappropriate Respect the culture or leave it alone

By Martha Giron Quijano Staff Writer

The phrase, “my culture is not a costume” is the perfect representation for how cultural appropriation affects us.

It also encapsulates how big of an issue it is in our society.

What I find most problematic about dressing up or using items sacred in certain cultures is the fact that some people find it completely acceptable to do. I’ve seen people on social media defend themselves by saying they are not disrespecting the culture but rather, they are simply appreciating it.

When I think of cultural appropriation,

two things immediately come to mind: Coachella and the NFL. Both places celebrate the idea of fun and coming together for the purpose of either music or a game, but use Native American Culture as their accessory.

With team names such as the Kansas City Chiefs and the Washington Redskins, it’s no secret that the NFL often uses offensive Native American terms for fun. You also see it in other professional leagues and high school sports teams, but the NFL has gained the most publicity for their controversies.

Recently, actress Shailene Woodley wrote about her arrest for trespassing the construction for the Dakota Access

Photos by Sylvana Uribe Community Editor Pipeline, while explaining the importance of not eliminating the true culture and values of Native Americans.

Woodley criticized Coachella in Time where she wrote that “we wear their heritage, their sacred totems, as decoration and in fashion trends, failing to honor their culture...we grow up romanticizing native culture, native art, native history... without knowing native reality.”

For three consecutive years starting in 2011, students at Ohio University created a campaign fighting against the use of cultures as a costume. Titled, “We’re A Culture, Not A Costume,” they created posters showing students of

different race, ethnicity, and religion and the stereotypes made about them hovering in the background. In the 2012 campaign posters it said, “You wear the costume for one night. I wear the stigma for life.”

Cu lt u r a l appropriation is never okay. There are other ways to appreciate and immerse yourself in someone’s culture without mocking or erasing the history behind the clothes that they wear, the things that they use and the songs that they sing. Respect cultures by not disrespecting cultures.

Looking Toward the Elections in 2020 Who is the future of our parties?

By Isaac da Silva Contributor If you’re anything like me, talking about this election makes you feel tired and a little bit nauseous. Campaigning began roughly around April of 2015 — that’s almost 19 months to the election date. It’s roughly equivalent to how long it takes to drive from the LBSU campus to LA. It’s obvious that the election is way too long but that’s an issue for a later date.

Polls seem to have Hillary ahead and it’s most likely that she’ll win 2016. If we presume that she wins the election, then she may very well do what incumbent presidents have historically done and run for re-election in 2020.

The field in 2020 will most likely see many familiar faces. A great indicator as to whether someone may run for president is if they have ran before. This of course is speculation, as only a couple people in any party have declared their candidacy.

Just so we can see what the Democratic field would look like, let’s pretend that Clinton doesn’t want to run or her party doesn’t support her in 2020.

Some likely bets are her choice for Vice

Photos By DonkeyHotey of Flickr

President Tim Kaine, former opponents Senator Bernie Sanders from Vermont, Governor of Maryland Martin O’Malley and her friend Senator Elizabeth Warren from Massachusetts. Other options would be presumptive candidates like Governor

be running as a Democrat in 2020. I can only hope that we are so lucky to witness that.

On the Republican side, there is a much deeper bench and I predict they might win the next election if fortunate enough to be running against Clinton on the basis of her

of New York Andrew Cuomo, Senator Cory Booker from New Jersey and Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold. Of these, I think that Elizabeth Warren would have the greatest chance of securing the party’s nomination.

Oh, I almost forgot, Kanye West might

wildly low approval rating. Not much higher than Donald Trump mind you.

Some likely names, much like the Democrats are returning candidates.

There’s a list of people who are most likely running one more time and here they are: Governor of Florida Jeb Bush, Trumps

running mate Mike Pence and Indiana Governor, Senator Ted Cruz from Texas, Senator Rand Paul from Kentucky, Governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker, and Governor of Chris Christie of New Jersey. There are some prospects who are likely to run for the first time as well Governor of Texas Greg Abbott and South Carolina Senator Tim Scott.

Perhaps the largest rumor however is the potential reunion of Former Governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney and current speaker of the House Paul Ryan.

Several news sites have speculated that the two may make a run in 2020 just as they did in 2012.

There are several lesser-known candidates on both sides of the political aisle as well. But to even include the smaller names on the list the trend is apparent that the Republicans seem to have a “YUGE” amount of people looking to run in the next election.

Following with the current trends of elections starting earlier and earlier expect the 2020 election to start unfolding in about two years. I’m only half joking.

5 FOOD

Street Food for the Bourgeoisie The first part in a call-to-arms against food truck pandering

By Alejandro Ramos Editor-In-Chief

Street food. Whether it was after a concert or during a road trip, I’m sure most of you have gotten a bite to eat from a truck or a cart on the side of the road. Chances are it was hot and greasy but hit the spot just right for only a couple of bucks.

Unfortunately, there’s a disconcerting trend that’s ruining street food for everyone everywhere.

Chefs across the nation are messing with the recipes of beloved classics — tacos, burritos, burgers, nachos, and more — to make them their own. The results?

Expensive bastard children that betray the blue-collar values of street food and cater to whitecollar hipsters in search of a meal that’ll satisfy their need to look cool.

For chefs, it comes down to either making really good food or food that just looks really good.

The former tends to stick to simple and minimal ingredients that make their meals taste good while the latter tends to focus on making dishes that are pleasing to the eyes.

Most food trucks and carts focus on making really good food. These being the ones that people tend to go past while they’re driving through a “bad” part of town.

Unfortunately, these don’t come to mind when people talk about eating street food.

People tend to prefer the vendors that have flashy trucks and carts, cute and colorful logos, and dishes they share on social media for approval of their friends.

There’s nothing wrong with either of these. Both styles of street food have their quirks that make them great.

That said, the fact that most people tend to go for aesthetically pleasing trucks and food says a lot about our society.

It shows that we don’t really like “street” food as much as we say we do.

We like the idea of it but we’re not willing to go into the “bad neighborhoods”.

Or engage with the people within those communities to eat authentic street food.

Street food is great.

I doubt anyone would deny that. Sure, it’s not exactly fancy or sophisticated but it’s not supposed to be.

It’s the food of the people. It’s for those that come home tired and defeated from toiling away at work.

It’s for those that just want a quick pickme-up after a night on the town.

There’s no reason it should be fancy or expensive.

Don’t let it become something it isn’t.

“People tend to prefer the vendors that have flashy trucks and carts, cute and colorful logos, and dishes they share on social media...”

6 ATHLETICS

Long Beach State Exhausts the Competition Men’s basketball flashes quick pace in debut game

(Top) Justin Bibbins weaves through defenders on a fastbreak. (Left) Noah Blackwell focuses on the easy bucket. (Right) Loren Jackson cuts off a Cal Tech player on the pass.

Words and Photos By Alejandro Ramos Editor-in-Chief Long Beach State has a rich history of success in basketball. The program has produced several noteworthy teams with incredible players throughout the decades. Just last year, both the men’s and women’s teams racked up the wins in the regular season and made appearances in the Big West and National Invitational Tournaments.

And if that’s not enough to convince you, then how does a blowout win in the first game of the year sound? Because that’s exactly what the Long Beach State men’s basketball team did in their 115-58 win over Caltech during the annual Homecoming game on November 5, 2016.

The game was competitive through the first eight minutes of the first half, and then it wasn’t. Long Beach State went on a 9-0 run over a three minute stretch to make the score to 27-16. Despite their best efforts, Caltech just couldn’t keep up after that. Long Beach State overwhelmed their opponents on both ends of the floor, forcing 23 turnovers and converting those opportunities into points.

The first half ended with the squad in black and gold in the lead with a score of 59-29.

The second half was even less competitive. The Beach broken open the steady pace of the game and blitzed the Beavers.

Coach Monson’s hockey style substitutions kept players vigilant on the floor. Whenever certain players performed poorly in certain facets of the game, such as failing to get a defensive stop or giving up offensive rebounds, Monson yanked them out of the contest for a few minutes. This strict tactic kept the team focused despite lead and eventually led to the final score of 115-58.

It goes without saying that returning players had good games. Junior forward Gabe Levin marauded the paint offensively, scoring 19 points on just 11 field goal attempts while also grabbing four offensive rebounds. Sophomore guard Noah Blackwell spread the ball by shooting from the perimeter. Blackwell tallied 16 points off the bench on 80% from the three point line. Junior guard and floor general Justin Bibbins found the open man consistently on fastbreak possessions.

Let’s not forget about the freshmen, who got plenty of time to show us their

skills while the starters sat. Loren Jackson, Bibbins’ 5’8” doppelganger, racked up 10 of the team’s 26 assists while outrunning and out jumping players much bigger and taller than him.

And then there was junior forward Evan Payne, who finally played his first game for Long Beach State after sitting out last season as a transfer. After struggling early, especially on defense, Payne found his footing and managed to put up 14 points.

It was only a glimpse of what the Loyola Marymount transfer is capable of. Payne is a dynamic scorer and will only continue to flash his skills once he gets his rhythm back.

He is a perfect for this lightning fast system that Monson uses.

Despite the dominant performance, coach Monson and the players recognize there’s room for improvement. Monson repeatedly talked about defense, stating that it would be pivotal if they wanted to be successful later in the season and in the

postseason. Blackwell backed up the coach by admitting that there were times when he and his teammates were out of position on defense. The result of the game was positive but it was against a university more wellknown for its exploits in outer space than basketball spacing.

To say that Caltech didn’t try to keep up would just be messed up. If anything, praise should be given to the Long Beach State squad for taking an exhibition game seriously. They played at a fast pace offensively while maintaining their composure on defense. The remainder of the schedule is lot tougher and this kind of win is likely not going to happen again.

Even so, it was a good win and a great way to jumpstart the year for a LBSU ready to stun the best in college basketball.

The next game for men’s basketball is against CSULA on November 11th at 7 p.m. in the Pyramid.

7 FEATURE

W

hen I was a senior in high school, my class went on a camping trip to a little campground. It was nestled right up against the ocean, about three hours north of the San Francisco Bay and about as far away as we could get without going off the grid.

One night, a couple of my friends and I snuck away to go exploring. We ended up sitting and talking on a cliff overlooking the ocean. In the mister of laughter and conversation, I found myself getting lost in the vastness of the sight before us. Out there, far from civilization, the night sky was dark and never ending. The moon and the stars sat above us, illuminating the water below us so we could see the wave crashing on the rocks. In that moment, I was left speechless.

Now, as a college senior, I find myself feeling the same. I’m in the middle of my last year with the vastness of my own future ahead of me.

That’s kind of scary.

8 FEATURE

By Alejandro Ramos Editor-In-Chief

In a couple of months, I’ll be graduating.

I’ll don a cap and gown. I’ll walk across a stage and shake the President Conoley’s hand. I’ll receive my diploma.

And just like that I’ll go from being an undergraduate to a graduate.

And, the journey that I’ve been on the past couple of years will finally come to an end. I won’t have to wake up early to go to class or stay up late to finish papers.

I won’t have to down gallons of coffee to get through the day. I’ll finally be able to breathe and just relax for once instead of feeling tense and tired all the time.

To put it simply, graduating will be a source of joy and relief, and yet… there’s more to it, you know? I feel it. Every senior I’ve spoken to feels it. We all feel it, even if we express it in different ways.

It’s a feeling that’s hard to put into words.

It’s a mix of dread and apprehension.

Determination and confidence. Courage and fear.

And it all comes from the fact that

we have no idea what we’ll be doing after we graduate.

For the first time in years, we won’t be following the lifestyle of a college student. Instead, we’ll be struggling to fill the void that college used to fill.

Whether it is with a job, graduate school, or just plain loafing around, we’ll keep trying until we figure something out Whatever the case; the weeks, and even months, after graduating are this big unknown to us. That’s why we all get stumped when people ask us the age old question: Where do you see yourself in a year?

If you asked me that, I’d probably flash a smile and shrug nonchalantly. I’d talk real cool and say a couple of words.

“Who knows?” I’ll say. “I guess I’ll be working and making money.”

The truth is that I don’t have a clue.

And the same goes for a lot of the people around me.

Still, we all have rehearsed answers to

“I’m kind of like in this little void.”

-Sheila Sadr

this question. Some of us talk about the plans we have to pursuing internships and jobs. Some of us talk about taking time off to figure things out and spend time with family. Despite what we say, there is always a lingering feeling of doubt and confusion and fear.

It’s not all bad, though. You would think we’re all lost and afraid as to what we’re going to do following graduation.

To say that we’re afraid would be insulting, though. That implies that we’re going to shy away from the challenge of going out and making something of ourselves, and that isn’t true. We all want to do great things. The problem is that we’ve grown up being told how difficult it is to be great as a young person. That’s the kind of And we have every right to be because every year we hear stories from graduates voicing their problems. They fill out dozens of job applications to no avail. They give up after multiple failed attempts at getting jobs. They feel the need to return to graduate school after all their other plans fall flat.

It’s not like these stories come out of thin air. According to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, nearly half of half of new graduates are underemployed, meaning they’re working jobs that don’t require a college degree. On top of that, Jeff Selingo, author of “There Is Life

9 FEATURE

“Success is preparedness and opportunity put together”

- Tyler Fernandez

After College”, reported that one-third of young adults spend most of their twenties trying to get a career going.

It doesn’t help that we take that all in and parrot the the same concerns amongst ourselves. What if I can’t find even an entry-level position? What if my GPA is too low and I can’t get into grad school? What if I’m not qualified enough for either? What if I just wasted my time and money on college when I could’ve just worked? Once you hear these fears and concerns enough times you end up internalizing them. Believing them.

What can we do then? Should we just accept that we’ll have to struggle for a while after graduating? Should we give

up all hope of a smooth transition out of school and into the workforce?

I can’t say I have the answers. I can’t tell you where I’ll be in a year. I can’t come up with a concrete plan for what I’ll do after June. I, like many others, will just hope for best outcome.

The future is vast. It’s an open space for us to occupy. We can either get lost trying to navigate through it or build something for ourselves. Both options are fine. There is no right or wrong way to live after graduating. We’ve lived the past couple of years following the paths others set for us. It’s time for us to venture out and go down paths of our own.

“These are the plans, but we’ll see though.”

- Nicole Ilagan

10 MUSIC

Looking Back at the A collective piece showcasing

By Isaura Aceves Contributor I’m 20 years old and my music taste is constantly expanding and changing every year. But at the age of nine, I’ll never forget when I heard the iconic album “Demon Days” by Gorillaz.

I grew up listening to my brother and dad’s classic rock CDs varying from Led Zeppelin to Pink Floyd. So when I heard the electronic beats, mellow vocals, smooth rap and electric guitar riffs for the first time, I was intrigued.

What captured my attention wasn’t the sound at first, but rather the band itself. Gorillaz is compromised by four cartoon characters each with their own unique personality.

Rather than having Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett, who co-created the band as a hip hop side project, we are introduced to these fictional animated characters.

They have contributed to their success because everything about them is so unique.

After their first EP “Tomorrow Comes Today,” they released their second album “Demon Days” in 2005.

There was skepticism about whether this new album would acquire huge success, but those doubted such as reviewers were wrong as the album became one of the most acclaimed albums of the time.

This album has songs that keep you up and dancing with the pop beats and catchy vocals such as “DARE” and “Feel Good Inc.” Although we mustn’t forget the complexity of this album with songs like “Don’t Get Lost in Heaven” composed of soft keyboards. Its melodic lead vocals accompanied by soulful backup vocals add dimension to the album as it softens its harsh electric rhythms.

Even though it’s been 11 years, everytime I hear the crackling laughter in “Feel Good Inc.,” I’m reminded of the album that exposed me to a new musical world.

By Madison Gallegos Culture Editor 2004 was undoubtedly an amazing year for pop music; Usher’s “Confessions,” Avril Lavigne’s “Under My Skin,” Destiny Child’s last album “Destiny Fulfilled,” and so many more albums that still remain with us today.

But the best one, the one I want to delve into is Gwen Stefani’s debut solo album — and honestly the peak of her entire career — “Love. Angel. Music. Baby.”

I remember getting this CD for my birthday and feeling so fucking cool because it had the “Explicit Content” sticker on it.

Coming from a pretty sheltered household, this was the first album I owned that introduced me to curse words and sex, and segued into my love of hip hop. I

definitely attribute a lot of my feminist ideas, love of fashion, and general badass-ness to this album.

With the continuing theme of Harajuku Girls, which to this day is a big question mark to me, it is the culmination of fun, interspersed with hints of love and sexiness.

Four of her six singles have been critically and publicly acclaimed, including “What You Waiting For?” “Rich Girl,” “Hollaback Girl,” and “Luxurious.”

Just about every song on this album is 10/10. I still have it on my iTunes and I listen to it whenever I feel down, upset or just want to have a good ass time. I highly recommend you do too.

By Nancy Soriano Contributor I’m 13 and all I’ve ever listened to is Billboard’s Top 40s, Sublime, and Snoop Dogg. I’m 13 and I’ve just finished reading Struts and Frets by Jon Skovron, a book that comes with its own playlist full of people I’ve never heard about, like The Shins, The Cure, and Neutral Milk Hotel.

My first time listening to “In The Aeroplane Over The Sea”, I sat there and wondered how I’d gone my whole life coexisting with an album a year younger than me that was so out of my range that I’d just completely missed it.

I always knew that people used guitars and drums in bands to play music. Sublime kind of

did that, but I never knew that you could add trumpets and brass to something that wasn’t classical. I cannot put into words the genuine confusion I felt about the overall sound.

It was weird, polished, while retaining an unrefined quality that Top 40 artists were never allowed to keep, with lyrics so hard to follow that I’d spend the rest of my academic career becoming readily acquainted with the notion of word choice interpretation and intended meaning.

Neutral Milk Hotel changed music for me. When I was young I was the King of Carrot Flowers. Part 1 not part 2.

By Martha Giron Quijano Staff Writer As someone who was not a teenager in the 90s, it disappoints me a little that I will never know what it feels like to hear “...Baby One More Time” the very first time it was released.

Despite that fact, I still have a profound love and connection with Britney Spears’ debut album, “...Baby One More Time,” that was released in 1999. Millions of people all over the world know the lines to her songs because of how memorable and relatable most of her songs are.

It’s pretty clear what her impact in the music industry is. We all know she’s not a one-hit wonder because each time she comes

back with a new song, people just can’t stop listening to her captivating tunes. Her unique voice just pulls you in.

Many may argue that she’s had better albums but I think nothing beats the first.

One of my favorites is “(You Drive Me) Crazy”. The cowbells in the intro strangely puts me in a good mood and has me up and dancing right away.

I get so giddy listening to her songs because it just makes you feel like the first time you’ve ever liked someone and invokes that feeling of puppy love.

But at the same time, songs like “Born

To Make You Happy” and “From the Bottom of My Broken Heart” are the perfect first heartbreak jams to sing along to while enjoying a tub of ice cream.

What makes her album so special to me is that it’s very nostalgic and continues to remind me of my younger years, being carefree without worrying about the things that we all worry about today.

I’m positive that Britney Spears will continue to make some of the greatest hits that many generations to come will listen to and hopefully have the same good feelings about it as I did with her very first album.

Nostalgia in Music

11 MUSIC

bangers from different eras

By Bailey Mount Managing Editor Aqua’s first album “Aquarium” made waves in the United States following its 1997 release with its third single, “Barbie Girl.” Poking fun at the concept of “Barbie” type women, it incited a bizarre lawsuit with Mattel and left many kids my age and older stuck with it in their heads in the years that followed. For me, it’s one of the first songs I remember from my early childhood.

Even though the single came out a year after I was born, I loved it. Discovering the album in its entirety a whole ten years later was then almost revolutionary for me. There’s something amazing about listening to a group when their heyday has passed, something indulgent in being able to binge on a whole career’s worth of music in a few hours.

Dear God, ten-year-old me was in love with “Aquarium.” The other two albums that followed were nothing compared to it. All of the songs on “Aquarium” were great in that way that going hard at a party after work is - mind numbing, exuberant, and addictive.

“Dr. Jones” is a cute song about a woman begging her lover to “cure” her of the love she has kept for him since their fling. “Lollipop (Candyman)” was the original comparing-sexto-candy song before Christina Aguilera’s sticky sweet serenade.

“Bite me, I’m yours” and “I wish that you were my lollipop” are just some lustful lyrics exchanged between the two lead singers. In the song “Roses are Red,” the lead singer sings that

she’s “ready to release” while her partner asks her to “come pick my roses.”

Taking a step back and relistening to “Aquarium” another ten years later, I realize that ten-year-old me didn’t know how sexual some of these songs were. Twenty-year-old me appreciates it all the more and the synth beats and high-pitched vocals take on a more sultry tone.

Listening to it now, I still kind of understand why I loved it so much. It’s mindless fun, it’s great to listen to when you need a happiness boost, because it’s familiar in its nostalgia and comforting in its simplicity.

I like to remember what it was like in the “Aquarium.” It was pretty fun.

By Alexis Cruz Social Media Manager The early 2000s was a wild time and stood out as an era of emo music for many — if they want to remember the cringeworthy “rawr XD’s” and the smell of burning hair on a flat iron.

There are a plethora of bands that I can name from this time of teenage angst such as Mayday Parade, Taking Back Sunday and Fall Out Boy — the so-called “founders” of 2000s — but let’s talk about Panic! At the Disco.

“A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out” was the band’s debut album and one of the few that included all the original members.

The album had smooth song transitions and a balanced mix of electronic, rock and

soulful singing which catered to the emo/ scene audience of the time.

Realistically, the band was more poppunk sounding than emo. Sure, their song titles were long and obscure like Fall Out Boy’s, but did they sing about wanting to leave their town, breaking a girl’s heart, or having their own heart broken?

No. Panic! At the Disco was an “emo” band because of their visual aesthetics.

I mean, ringleader Brendon Urie in “I Write Sins Not Tragedies?” Iconic.

He rode that 1920s-esque circus look to the ends of their “A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out” promotions and will forever be etched in my nostalgic emo heart.

By Erick Zepeda Contributor One of the earliest albums I purchased, “Late Registration” became an enormous contributor to my lifelong love affair with rap music, and love him or hate him, from the beginning of his career, Kanye West has had a profound impact on hip-hop of the millennium.

While not the most experimental of West’s work, the lyricism, features and production are solid, building upon tropes of his debut, “The College Dropout,” and segueing into what would become his more outlandish music and public image.

As such, the album was released during

By Elliott Gatica Music Editor Speaking of emo, remember Chiodos? Or, back then, I remember everyone just remembering Craig Owens, the more memorable frontman of the band. They were my favorite. They were my go-to band to listen to. They were my teenage lifeblood.

“Bone Palace Ballet” and the reissue, “Bone Palace Ballet: Grand Coda” basically defined my late middle school and almost all of my high school years. I loved this album to death.

The band’s sound, especially in this album, was much different than the sounds of other “hardcore” bands I was into back in the day.

It topped The Devil Wears Prada, A Day to

Remember, Alesana, Emarosa, Eyes Set to Kill, Suicide Silence, and other bands that defined the golden times of the emo and scene kid music scene.

The overall theme of the album feels rather gothic and very emotional. While also incorporating orchestral elements, there are times in the album where the songs sound like they are from a horror movie. It’s amazing.

And the song titles; most of them are inconveniently long, but sound so unique.

“Lexington (Joey Pea-Pot with a Monkey Face)” and “A Letter from Janelle” are always

going to have a special place in my heart, even past my years of teenage angst.

Both are simple, yet very emotional. Also, they come with a hint of eeriness in overall tone. I feel like those two songs also stray away from the genre of the band because of the ballad-like sections.

It pains me that just recently in rock music news headlines, I read “Craig Owens on Chiodos: ‘It’s Done.”’ It gave me that heartbreaking conclusion to my teenage years that I wished I hadn’t read. But I don’t care; over or not, they will always be my all time favorite emo band.

a time in which Kanye West’s absurdity was rather undeveloped, or perhaps yet to be revealed for the most part. It made for a time in which the issue of separating art from artist was not as difficult as it has become today.

I have since gone back and forth upon my opinions on Yeezy. But one thing I could never deny is that “Late Registration” is my personal embodiment of “old, straight from the soul Kanye,” as well as one of few items I can unashamedly pull from my childhood library and listen to again and again.

12

One vs. Two

ENTERTAINMENT

Gaming releases in the fall are always quite expensive, given that many AAA titles showcased during E3 are released during the time. Right now, however, I faced a dilemma about the behemoths of first-person shooters that have been and are going to be released. With Watch Dogs 2, Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare, and Modern Warfare Remastered coming into the mix, this dilutes the online player base for games already out now, like Overwatch, Doom, and other huge titles.

EA Games just released two major titles just a week apart from each other.

Titanfall 2 and Battlefield 1 basically dominated the games market in late October, which is good for the company, but a bit detrimental to the player bases.

Both titles are must-buys, however, in my opinion, it all comes down to personal preferences.

Both games are first-person shooters and have amazing, fluid gunplay. I get a good fix of fast-paced, futuristic moving, mech-to-infantry, infantryto-infantry, and mech-to-mech combat from Titanfall 2.

Most of the time, I gravitate towards Titanfall 2 because the matches are shorter and the progression is faster. It feels like I’m being rewarded more even if I have some terribly off games.

I don’t have enough time to sit through a game of Battlefield 1 throughout the week because those games are not short. There’s a new mode in the game called “Operations” which are essentially point capture matches with attackers and defenders.

They’re epic. They have cutscenes.

They’re fun. They’re ridiculously long.

But it’s a good thing, unless you have a poor internet connection.

These operations are full on, largescale wars that either have 40 or 64 players. You are literally thrown into no

A Battle of EA Titans

The TVTB #3

By Elliott Gatica Music Editor man’s land out on the field with nothing but your historically accurate squad with you-- and maybe some horses, tanks, planes, and other armored vehicles at your team’s disposal. If I want to feel more tactical, cooperative with my team, and getting a feel of history in World War 1, I’ll hop onto Battlefield 1.

Both games also have decent campaigns. Yes, I’m aware that Titanfall had a very weak and almost nonexistent campaign mode in its first installation, but the second game redeemed itself in every possible way. It’s fleshed out, has a memorable story, and utilizes all of the game’s mechanics into it. I can actually remember the name of the main character

“Both games are memorable in their own epic ways.” and the enemies I faced, even if everything seemed to happen at a very fast pace.

Battlefield 1 has a six-episode campaign that is unfolded in the perspectives of different characters. It doesn’t feel as memorable and it doesn’t give enough time for each character to become memorable enough. However, it does simulate the horrors and harsh realities that people faced in the lines of war.

Both games are memorable in their own epic ways.

When I play Titanfall 2, it’s such a satisfying experience when I’m on the brink of death and I escape it with a swift slide, a kick to an enemy pilot’s face, and entering my titan to unleash hell to all

By Oyinda Salako Contributor

opposition. I cannot recall all of the close calls I’ve experienced and all the times I screamed at sudden times because I took one step, jump, boost, or shot too far.

It’s always keeping me at the edge of my seat and always alert of every direction my character isn’t looking in, because mistakes are not easily corrected.

With Battlefield 1, it’s such a great feeling turning the tide of battle in a behemoth of a battleship against the Ottoman Empire while I’m fighting for the British Empire. Or when I board a five-man armored vehicle and charge into enemy lines alongside my squadmates, yelling and chanting “CHARGE” over the microphone. Don’t even get me started with levolution (or the ability to destroy the environment in some specific area of some maps). It’s satisfying to see buildings crashing down and becoming debris, taking those damn campers down with them.

Overall the two are nearly neck and neck with me. Each game has their own strengths and uniqueness to them.

However, I will have to side with Titanfall just because I have a little less patience when it comes to finding games and progressing in the ranks. Plus, I like customization when it comes to online play. It occupies me in the downtime between games.

Battlefield 1 Out now on PS4, Xbox One, and PC Price: Standard $59.99 Deluxe $79.99 and Ultimate $129.98 Titanfall 2 Out now on PS4, Xbox One, and PC Price: Standard $59.99, Deluxe $79.99 and Collector’s Edition $249.99 through Amazon.

Election Day is Nov. 8, 2016. And if you’re like me, then this is your first time voting (what great choices we have). One of the best short-lived shows of the early 2000s was a drama about two young boys — one of them would eventually become the President of the United States in the year 2040.

“Jack and Bobby” was an American drama series following the coming of age of two boys — Jack and Bobby McCallister. Jack is a teenager figuring out his way through high school while Bobby is the youngster just entering it.

On first impression, their personalities represent an innate goodness that calls for your attention. And as the series progresses, you get to experience the trials and tribulations that each boy goes through in dealing with the stressful relationships with themselves and their offbeat, obstinate, and outspoken mother.

Greg Berlanti was one of the main program creators. He is an absolute awesome guy who has a way of creating characters with a naiveties that doesn’t make you cringe.

“Jack and Bobby” is one of the WB’s critically acclaimed dramas that was just gone too quick after one season.

Each episode provides a flash-forward in the form of talking head-interviews of close friends and the appointed professionals within the McCallister Administration—to elaborate on the brothers, the men they’d become, and provide more obscurity as to which brother becomes President.

With the election, watching the series showed me some interesting similarities. I mean let’s be honest, the political election is not that much different from coming-of-age television dramas.

WSomeone is always getting into trouble for lying or doing something else morally corrupt; and there’s frequently some love triangle problems. I guess in our election, we’re missing the love triangle part. It seems more like an octagon of infidelity.

But anyway, “Jack & Bobby” is the perfect election show to get your mind settled before making the big decision. Less grown-up than “The West Wing” but more relatable to the young times of our college years, I definitely recommend a quick look. Good luck America, until the next tvtb.

For more TVTB visit our website medium.com/long-beach-union-weekly

30 days. Who knew in such a short amount of time one can completely immerse themselves in another culture. I lost myself in Italy... I don’t know why this is so fucking hard to write about. Maybe it’s because I left a piece of my heart in Florence. I’ve gotten home and I still

don’t know how to adjust to this lifestyle.

Everything here is so fast paced and time oriented. We revolve our lives around our schedules and hardly take the time to just sit back and (as the Italians would say) “enjoy & relax”. It all feels like a dream to me that I was

“ And oh, what a feeling it was to feel so alone in such a beautiful place.”

ever there, to be honest. I’ve come back home and fallen back into my regular routine. It’s been a challenge to say the least.

I felt different out there. Life was different out there. I was alive and free and as much as I may have hated myself at times for some of the

decisions that I made, I learned to pick myself up day by day and face the things that I did. I grew over there as a person. All I had was myself to rely on. It was just me, and it felt amazing being truly on my own for the first time.

And the adventure begins…

Part one: bella ricordi di Italia

By Danielle Gabriella Contributor Going out there I experienced feelings of culture shock. I’ve learned about culture shock through my intercultural communications class in the past, but this was different.

It was beyond just definitions and terms for an exam. It was a legitimate feeling that you could feel in the pit of your stomach, like never-ending butterflies that just won’t go away.

And oh, what a feeling it was to feel so alone in such a beautiful place. I was so fucking scared my first week. Being in a brand-new place I’ve never heard of before, meeting people different than myself in all aspects, living in a culture different than my own. It was all new to me.

From the time I stepped off that plane in Milan it hit me how real this was. I wasn’t in America anymore. I was in a foreign country. On my own. With three bags of luggage (I overpacked) and no clue how to speak Italian.

My first instinct, when I got off the plane, was to head straight to the bathroom and hide because I didn’t know where else to go. I couldn’t read the signs, my phone wasn’t working, and I needed a place to clear my mind and regroup.

Once I hit the bathroom, I took a minute to calm down, looked in the mirror and gave myself a little pep talk about what my next move would be.

Weeks prior to arriving in Italy, I had been in contact with a guy I

TRAVEL

Letters from Italy

13

met on Airbnb. My plan was to stay with him for a week until school started… See, my dad works for the airlines, so instead of paying for a flight, I flew standby. I had to leave in advance to make sure I’d make it there in time.

The guy from Airbnb was sweet, his name was Antonio. He was handsome, looked like he was about my age, and he spoke a little bit of English. I read his reviews and he seemed legit and his place was affordable, so I figured why not.

I contacted him on WhatsApp as soon as I landed. He said I had about 4 or 5 hours until I could check in, so I took my time getting from Milan to Florence. Once I finally left the bathroom and checked out of customs I went to find somewhere in the airport with an outlet so I could fully charge my phone.

I sat on the ground and began fixing myself. I changed shirts quickly, braided my hair, and put on makeup to cover up the +12-hour flight. I wanted to look presentable when I saw him. As soon as my phone was fully charged, I headed out.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to go about getting to Florence. All I knew was that I needed to take a train, but I wasn’t sure where it was. I wandered around the airport staring at signs until I found my way to a ticketing station.

They weren’t much help. The lady behind the counter was short with me and simply said, “You need to go to Milano Centrale” and that was my clue.

P.S. Check in with us next week for the next installment of Letters from Italy. Next week we catch up with Danielle as she makes it to Milano Centrale on her journey to Florence. Ciao!

14 CULTURE

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Día de Los Muertos came to the Museum of Latin American Arts (MoLAA) on October 30th. As a Central American. And I know that Dia de Los Muertos is more of a borrowed festivity from Mexico and that there are certain rituals that don’t follow throughout the rest of Central and South America. Additionally, I had never been to MoLAA so this was an adventure of discovery for me.

As I entered the museum, the first thing that caught my attention was the one (of the many) altar[s] that was captivating with its vibrant marigolds surrounding pictures of deceased Latino artists and family members.

There were also plenty of tamales offered to the dead that definitely made me crave some.

The rest of the museum was still open so I got distracted a little, went ahead and walked around the gallery. Once the distraction was over, I went back to the entrance of the festival and the entrance was beautifully decorated with Día de Los Muertos art. Sculptures of skeletons and an entire room full of altars. There was an altar that demonstrated in a small way how each country in Central America captivates the holiday. There was another altar dedicated to Prince.

While being in the altar room, I could Top Left to Right: Day of the Dead sculpture, Altar for Prince, Girl dressed up as La Catrina, Altar decorated with papel picado, (Bottom right): Altar decorated with marigolds.

hear trumpets, my first and correct guess was Mariachis performing in a large room in the back. The room was crowded with activities.

As soon as you entered the room, there was the calavera (skull) face painting on the right with a long line of children of all backgrounds waiting with their parents. On the opposite side, there were the arts and crafts tables.

Those tables were also filled with children and their parents trying to make paper flowers.

And in the center of the room, the crowd surrounded the mariachi and the folkloric dancers. Because there had been some morning showers that day, everyone wanted to be inside and dry but the room was not big enough for everyone and it was overcrowded and hot.

There were food trucks and crafts vendors outside that struggled keeping themselves and their products dry. The food remained intact. The churros, chicharrones, tacos, and candy apples were there, ready to be eaten. There was going to be a calavera contest fashion show that I unfortunately didn’t get to attend. However, I was able to capture the work of some of the contestants.

Dia de Los Muertos was very well projected by MoLAA and I felt very happy for attending. It heightened up my Latina roots.

CULTURE

Embellished Environmentalism

15

An overview of the Elements of Style Ecquo Fashion Show Words and Photos by Madison Gallegos Culture Editor In collaboration with JuslistenTV and the Black Student Union (BSU), Ecquo Environmental Solutions put on their third annual Elements of Style Ecquo Fashion Show at The Walter Pyramid on October 28. Ecquo Environmental Solutions is a non-profit organization that focuses on promoting environmental health and awareness.

Many synthetic materials like rayon, polyester and cottons (the largest consumer of water and pesticides) have negative repercussions in nature, an issue most people are oblivious to.

Solutions partnered with JuslistenTV, a movement that uses the media to empower

talented individuals in an effort to spread consciousness and influence change in the Long Beach community. The BSU brought this event to our campus as a means to showcase the brilliant artistry in our area and inspire innovation to our future leaders.

The fashion show featured seven unique collections, each using solely environmentally friendly and/or biodegradable materials. These designs were phenomenal and proved that you don’t have to sacrifice environmental health in order to be trendy, chic, and the envy of the room.

ZIRAN

Never Invi Co-founded by Long Beach natives Ray Carter and Roy McNeese, the first collection presented was NeverInvi Clothing, a graphic tee centered brand. Inspired by the city, they utilized minimalism to expose the individuality that suggested through simplicity.

The pieces featured were primarily the average jeans and tees, amplified by unique details such as interestingly placed logos and rips.

The line demonstrated that flash is not what makes a label stand out; it’s the details, the effort, and appreciation for the little things.

What really marks NeverInvi’s image is their use of a silk screen-printing machine that requires no power. With this revolutionary eco-friendly tool and their muted designs, they aim to make the world a better — and better-looking — place.

Annex Collection Started in 2014, Annex is the culmination of high fashion meets streetwear. The line is a mix of menswear and womenswear, although all the pieces are made from or inspired by men’s clothing. Gender lines are blurred throughout the collection as the women are often featured in oversized t-shirts, jackets, and general boxy silhouettes and the men in floral prints and Chanel-influenced designs.

As a form of women empowerment, Annex strives to showcase beauty through unconventional means, demonstrating that femininity is not based on heels or skirts, but rather from the woman herself. Ripped clothing, jeans and tees are interspersed with lace, fur, and extraordinary heels.

This line is bold, unique, and has a look for anyone and everyone.

Along the Lines of Ysabel Along the Lines of Ysabel is an edgy, all-black collection characterized by minimalistic overtones paired with unique and dramatic details.

Created by 18-year-old SoCal based designer, Ysabel Hilado, the line features looks for every occasion and every personality.

Hilado competed in Season 1 of “Project Runway: Junior” and was featured in Teen Vogue and Seventeen. Her expertise is clearly displayed in her designs. Every outfit is complemented by a pair of striking heels, perfectly encapsulating these fierce, bold ensembles.

This collection was my favorite and the most innovative of the entire showcase.

While writing her undergrad thesis on “Fashion in China,” designer Kelly Wang Shanahan stumbled upon the crown jewel of all her designs — “xiang yun sha” silk.

This all-natural silk combined with her enchanting Chinese floral motifs produced some of the most beautiful designs I’ve ever seen. She is the only person in the United States that uses this material, making her designs completely unique and revolutionary to the high fashion world.

In an amazing dichotomy, she collaborated these romantic, feminine motifs with edgy, street-style silhouettes such as overalls, co-ops, and boxy, open tunics.

Terziank The most elegant collection of the show, this line is comprised of sexy silhouettes, long lines, and intricate details.

These designs are the epitome of high fashion, featuring velvet and silk fabrics with plunging necklines, high slits, and form-fitting profiles.

Dark lips and stilettos complete these looks.

My favorite is a black velvet maxi dress

with a plunging neckline.

Like most of these looks, it’s diverse; you can wear it to the club or to a sophistocated event.

The brand is driven by the ideals of flattery and creating show-stopping designs for women with that same mentality. The designer’s collection lends women fearless and glamorous outfits to take over the world in — while simultaneously sustaining it.

Nevow The final collection of the fashion showcase came from Mix Media artist Daniel Chimowitz. His goal was to bring the art studio to the runway, a sort of “walking art.” He succeeded.

In a beautiful display of color, his designs were all completely unique from each other. While many contained paint splatter or tie-dye patterns, the pieces themselves ranged from ripped up streetwear to sophisticated dresses and blazers.

Any skin shown was covered with painted hand prints, only expanding the

feel of an art show. The essence of edge, these looks inspire DIY designs and further promote environmentalism by being your own designer.

Volume 79 Issue 13

Monday, November 7th, 2016

LBUNION.COM

The Grunion is a work of satire. It in no way reflects the views of Long Beach Union Weekly or Associated Students Inc.

STAFFERS

I AM THE EDITOR NOW

Mercedes Colomar GRUNION EDITOR Cervantes LeMans STAFF

Forgoo THE ELUSIVE ARTIST Send submissions to: grunion@lbunion.com

ASK MS. COLOMAR

DEAR MS. COLOMAR,

I want to go on a date with this really attractive guy. Everything about him is perfect, but he just so happens to be a centaur. I have never dated a centaur, or a horse for that matter. What advice can you give me for dating this sexy half-horse, half-man?

FROM, Stallion Lover

DEAR STALLION LOVER, Are you sure you don’t have a little horse in you? If not, saddle up.

Decide which half of him you want: the man’s arms or the horse’s dick.

Once you’ve made the right choice, go here: http://bad-dragon.com/products/ tyson And start practicing.

DEAR MS. COLOMAR, My husband seems to be upset with my recent addition to the bedroom. I wanted to add some spice to our love life, but apparently a Real Doll was not something to do it. What other things can we get to add to our bedroom play that might re-invigorate our sex life?

FROM, Sex Starved Nancy

DEAR SEX STARVED NANCY, Take your lover on a surprise trip far away, somewhere sexy.

Then ignore your husband’s calls and enjoy the sweet sensation of a silicone scrotum across your skin.

INSIDE

HOW TO BE DEAD..............................2 I AM THE EDITOR NOW: PT. 2............3 GRUNION-STYLE MEETING...............4 HOW TO MAKE CERVANTES SALSA.5 FORTY DAYS OF FUN.........................6 VEGAS TOUR..................................777 WHY SPORTS ARE DUMB..................8

Article By Mercedes Colomar

So after the tragic fiasco that was the podcast, I stormed into Manny’s office and choked him. Of course since he is Art by Forgoo dead, it didn’t do much, but then I started THE ELUSIVE ARTIST punching him, kicking him, and doing just about anything to harm a being that can’t or those who are really be harmed. unaware, last week I What really set him off was when I went missing. Yes, I started separating his bones from the rest Mercedes Colomar went of his body. Finally he admitted defeat missing last week. That was because and I seized control of this newspaper.

I was planning something. Something So here I am. that was both dangerous and crazy, but What now? How do I even run a something I had to newspaper?

Well do. The following I started off by are the events as sprucing up the they happened. place. It looks okay, I was fed up with right? I’ll do more Manny’s shit. He when I have the asked me to go home time. I sent our Staff for the day. I did, Writer, Cervantes, but not because he off to write an asked me to, rather aritcle.

Hopefully because I wanted he comes back with to do something something good. more drastic. It was I just thought time to kill Manny of something. Now Calavera and that I am the editor become the editor of of this newspaper, the Grunion.

I can start writing Well the plan whatever I want! was a little skewed This is going to be because you can’t great. Expect some actually kill that Graphic depiction of Mercedes extricating Grim from his position as Fucklord as good stuff coming which is already depicted by The Elusive Artist, Forgoo. No one really knows who Forgoo actually is. from me next time. dead. But I had this Maybe even some idea right, what if I choke him and get to do anything if it meant doing work. I’m cool political stuff. him to give me ownership? It sounded getting off topic again. Fuck. Anyway, Whoa. So much responsibility, so stupid, but I had to try something. I did the podcast and so I had to come much to do, so much to change. The Working for Manny has been a fucking out of hiding for a little bit. It was ok, and Grunion will be different form now on. nightmare. Things had to change. nothing drastic happened. Manny thought Now if I only I could figure out how to Before I could go through with my that Mr. LeMans ate his sandwich, but it do anything. Maybe I should hire Manny plan some asshole named Andrew... or was me. Haha I will rue the day when back as some sort of Staff Slave to take was it Andy? Whatever, some asshole Manny gets his just desserts. up Cervantes’ old position. Muhahaha.

GRUNION EDITOR

F

podcaster wanted me to be a guest on his show. It’s called something like “Deep Inside” or “Bite the Pillow, I’m Going in Deep.” I forget, but it is related to that other publication that gets printed upsidedown on our paper. I never understood why they get 15 pages upside down, and we only get 1 right side up.

Anyway, I agreed to do the podcast because some person named Allison asked me so nicely. I wouldn’t have done it because Anne? Drew? Whatever, sounded like a person who doesn’t want

A GRADUATE’S GUIDE TO LIFE

By Cervantes LeMans

STAFF

I

noticed some of you future graduates do not know how to write a resume or a cover letter. I will teach you the ways of writing both and sending them to esteemed organizations such as the prestigious Grunion. You too can have a successful career living such as being a paid Grunion fucklord.

Your cover letter should be blank. It tells the organizer’s profiler that you understand the bullshit concept of cover letters.

You acknowledge the pain of a screener reading through thousands of submitters who will all have the same cheesy cover letter. I recommend looking up nearby restaurants of your chosen organization.

See if they have special offers, and attach those special offers onto the cover letter.

At the bottom, write “Look, I know that I am applying at a systematic all-white grad school. I know I am under qualified, but

I figured you will be hungry or thirsty later on. Here’s some coupons to Starbucks and El Pollo Loco.” It leaves the screener either puzzled or increases the blackness in their cold heart. Now, onto resume building.

Every resume has an objective. Your objective should state your life goal. Mine says, “To attempt to achieve multiple goals in life as much as I can with the help of family and friends while trying not to die. Those last five words are important.” If that does not tell your graduate profilers or employers that you are ready for life and you are humane, their dreams have probably died along with their hopes.

In the work experience section, do not write your expertise of certain tasks.

Instead of listing experienced duties, tell them the worst experience that you ever had at a job and how you overcame it. For me, I wrote “I sat through countless sexual harassment education videos for most of my jobs. I learned that humans are capable of being evil in an office-based setting or just about anywhere. I dealt with an angry

customer who publicly scorned me for not knowing how to refund her money when my manager was not around. I know how to smile uncomfortably in stressful situations including how deal with stress by intensely sighing. I know how to hold in all the workrelated stress and then letting it come out as tears. I know how to blow a whistle and receive lower pay as a result.” All these work experiences demonstrates that you are capable of overcoming challenges. If you do not have work experience, tell them that you know how to obey commands, listen to drama, and are able to tolerate other people’s mistakes. Those are essential skills at any job, at any place. Trust me, I am a professoional Grunion writer.

And finally, in your education, you list the number of years of mental breakdowns, broken relationships, friendships, and acquired addictions, such as caffeine, from your specific major at your college. It demonstrates your built character. Good luck with the “real-world” and make it a great life or not, the choice is yours.