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Issue 79.1
Intro
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Alejandro Ramos, Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com Bailey Mount, Managing Editor manager@lbunion.com Nathan Zankich, Web Manager web@lbunion.com Alexis Cruz, Social Media Manager Andrew Linde, Multimedia Manager Allison Meyer, Multimedia Assistant
ART & DESIGN Sam Orihuela, Art Director artdirector@lbunion.com John Mueller, Graphics Illustrator illustration@lbunion.com
EDITORIAL Matthew Gozzip, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com Sylvana Uribe, Community Editor community@lbunion.com Amanda Del Cid, Community Editor community@lbunion.com Amanda Dominguez-Chio, Culture Editor amanda@lbunion.com Madison Gallegos, Culture Editor madison@lbunion.com Peter R. Clark, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com Kaila-Marie Hardaway, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Elliott Gatica, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Jordan Daniels, Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com Mario Lopez, Travel Editor travel@lbunion.com
STAFF WRITERS Martha Quijano, martha@lbunion.com Karrie Comfort, karrie@lbunion.com
CONTRIBUTORS Anna Elaine Abella, Chidiche Dike, Liz Campos Fitch, Jazmin Lucero, Jorge Paniagua, Julia Velasco-Aguilar
What up, young people! If you’re reading this, then you made it through the first week of the semester at the Beach. You’re still here. And guess what? We’re still here! We’re all doing great. We’re probably gonna skip a class here and there and barely pass a few tests, but we’ll make it to the end of the semester. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m feeling good. My spirits are high due to the fact that things have been going well for the Union Weekly. Our first print issue hit newstands without any issues. People have been coming in and out of our office to say hi and ask how they can contribute to the paper. My job has been pretty easy so far thanks to the work of the talented writers and editors that chose to return this year. To quote Chance the Rapper, “It feels like blessings keep faaaalling in my lap!” Of course, there are still a couple of problems we have to iron out. Our computers are finally set up but some of them run slow and lose connection to the server. There are still piles of old souvenirs and trinkets laying around from our efforts to clean up the office. And there’s still the question of updating the website to a new and improved version. Despite all the work we have ahead of us, I feel good. You might be reading this and thinking to yourself, “Who is this? Is this the same guy that wrote last week’s intro?” The answer is yes. This is the same guy. I just had a lot of time to think and talk with people that helped boost my confidence in my choices and the work I’m doing here. It also helps that I had my face spread around social media. I thought that was pretty rad. It’s not just me though. Everyone in the office has been in a good mood. Bailey has been especially upbeat. She’s been going around and checking up on us to make sure we’re all eating right and getting enough rest. She even tried (and failed) to convince us to do Zumba with her.
There’s no way this wave of positivity can last forever. Eventually the workload is going to get to us and we’re gonna end up slipping a bit. That’s just a fact of life. However, I believe in my team and myself. I know we can overcome any obstacle and be the best publication on campus. That’s a pretty bold claim. I know it’s going to ruffle some feathers, but I mean it. I think we can be the best publication on campus. We have all the talent and skill to consistently put out a high quality paper. Dare I say it, we could be better than our competition. Better than the Daily 49er. Better than DiG Magazine. You can quote me on that. I know exactly the kind of reputation the Union Weekly has, but I’m telling you that it is not the same paper it was two years ago. It’s come a long way thanks to the efforts of last year’s editor-in-chief and managing editor. I watched them slave over hot keyboards to make sure each issue was the best it could be. I owe them everything. I would be failing them if I didn’t work just as hard to make the Union Weekly the best around. That being said, I don’t have anything against anybody from the Daily 49er or DiG Magazine. At the end of the day, we’re all just college students trying to learn and grow as within our respective fields. This is just a little professional competition for the attention of 37,600 students. Speaking of which, did it feel a little crowded on campus? I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen this many people on campus before. I got curious and decided to look into it myself for this week’s feature. It’s going to be a little different than past feature stories though. We’re going to change up the presentation and make it fun to read while keeping it informative. Basically, it’s going to be a lot less words and a lot more images. This is a choice that was more so made for me due to the fact that getting responses
from sources is really f*****g hard on the first week of the semester. I’ll hold this L, though. It’s a lesson for me to not try and do more than I can do. Anyway, be sure to check out the feature. My art people Sam and Nathan worked hard to save it from being a subpar news article. It turned out awesome and definitely deserves your attention. Of course, there’s a lot more to the paper than the feature. This week we’ll be starting a couple of new columns. In Community, you’ll learn how to get the most bang for your buck when you go out on the “$20 Haul” series. In Travel, you’ll get to read about our writer’s less than fantastic travels in the “Bad Travels” series. These are both columns I’m personally excited for and can’t wait to see the kind of content that comes out for them. Oh! I almost forgot! The Grunion returns this week! Grim Fandango and friends are back and wreaking havoc as always. I heard they had a little something to say about a tax for seats in class. That’s all I have to say about that. Grim Fandango likes to keep things under wraps. I’m just really proud of the work we’ve done so far. Like I said, we’re trying to stay positive for as long as possible. Let’s see how long this lasts. Enjoy the issue. I’ll talk to you guys again next week!
Ramos
COVER DESIGN BY: Sam Orihuela FEATURE DESIGN BY: Sam Orihuela CONTACT US Snail Mail: 1212 Bellflower Blvd. Suite 116 Long Beach, CA 90815 Phone: 562.985.4867 E-mail: lbunion.info@gmail.com Classifieds: classifieds.lbunion@gmail.com
@UnionWeekly
Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of their individual authors, not the Union Weekly, ASI nor CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.
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Community
$20 Haul: Taste of Downtown Waterfront Attending a popular food event on a budget
Words and Photos by Sylvana Uribe Community Editor
Gladstone’s Lobster Mac and Cheese Chocolate Martini Tickets Spent: 6 Buono’s Pizzeria Spicy Eggplant Rolls Pizza Slice Tickets Spent: 5 Michael’s Pizzeria Baked Ziti Tickets Spent: 4 The Pie Bar Whiskey Peach Pie Tickets Spent: 3 Total Spent: $18
Chocolate Martinis topped with whipped cream from Gladstone’s were one of many menu items available at the Taste of Downtown Waterfront on Aug. 24 and 25.
One of my biggest obstacles in exploring Long Beach events has been the potential damage to my bank account. Whether it be the pop-up markets or annual festivals, I often don’t immerse myself into those experiences for I fear I can’t afford it. Determined to no longer be held back by the fear of monetary chains, we’ve launched the “$20 Haul” series. The objective is to see how much a person can experience at popular events and shops on a $20 budget. The first haul to initiate this series was at the Taste of Downtown Waterfront. On Aug. 24 and 25, the tasting event transformed the Pine Avenue Pier into an end of the summer party. Both evenings were a lively celebration of local cuisine and artistic talent. While there isn’t an entrance fee, samples from local eateries could be obtained through tasting tickets. Each tasting ticket cost one dollar, so I handed over my money and embarked into the evening with 20 tickets in hand. With some of the food items priced upwards to 5 tickets, I had to be strategic about how I spent my remaining tickets.
Since it’d be nearly impossible to indulge in samples from the 15 restaurants represented at the event, I allowed my love of carbs and cheese to show me the way. Without hesitation, the first of my tickets went to Gladstone’s for their lobster mac and cheese. How can you go wrong with flaky lobster tossed in creamy cheese? You can’t. I found my way to dishes like baked ziti and cheesy eggplant rolls whose size seemed generous considering all menu items were only meant to provide attendees with a sample of what its corresponding restaurants had to offer. My sweet tooth was also satisfied with a visit to The Pie Bar’s tent for a slice of its Whiskey Peach Pie, as well as with another shameless trip to Gladstone’s for its decadent Chocolate Martini. As the night neared its end, I realized I couldn’t possibly continue eating. Although a friend and I had shared almost every sample, our stomachs were full. Two wrinkled tasting tickets were still in our possession, but we opted to stow them away until the tasting series returns next year. I’m certain I’ll have room for more lobster mac and cheese then.
Rummaging Through Lost Treasures Venturing inside the Long Beach Antique Market The third Sunday every month may just be any other Sunday for those who may have not heard of the Long Beach Antique Market. But for the early risers and experts, it’s an opportunity to fill their shopping bags. As I waited in line to pay the $6 admission, drivers weaved through the Veterans Memorial Stadium parking lot at Long Beach City College, anxious to join other shoppers. The market gives you a taste of time and history through the items sold in each stand. Each vendor had something unique to offer. There was a row of shining silver utensils all with distinctive handles, toys dating back to the 60s like bobble heads of former U.S. presidents in boxes that were still in mint condition. Rusting license plates from all states like Ohio, Arizona, and Michigan were piled up next to wooden containers filled with
Words and Photos by Martha Giron Quijano Staff Writer
A collection of rotary phones on display at the Long Beach Antique Market.
colorful miniature toy cars. From collectors to window shoppers, they were all there for the same reason, and people of all ages walked around. As I viewed the items laid out on tables and tarps, I overheard people negotiating prices and stories of people coming from neighboring cities to
find the best of the best. Yolanda Flores is an experienced vendor who has sold antiques for over 30 years. However, she has only spent 10 of those years selling in Long Beach. “We get here around 5 am to 5:15 am until 3 pm,” Flores said of her long days among
other eager vendors. Flores said the most valuable item that she has up for sale are a pair of golden giraffe statues that stood close to my five foot height. She hoped a buyer would take it off her hands for a mere $700. As much as I wanted to splurge, I had no idea the prices were going to be what they were. Vintage denim jackets were priced for about $50 and designer bags were sold for less than half their original price. Clearly the market was no garage sale. I ended up walking out empty handed, but kept in mind to have a better budget plan the next time I visit. As someone who would usually not have given the event a chance, I never thought I’d have so much fun browsing through items that provide a glimpse into the past and meeting new faces. I can honestly say that I’m glad to have something to look forward to each month from here on out.
Community
Summer Spirits Remain Strong
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Welcoming New Experiences Searching for opportunities at Week of Welcome By Karrie Comfort Staff Writer
Diverse flavors at Ballast Point make for a unique brewery experience Words and Photos by Jazmin Lucero Contributor Being home to establishments such as Belmont Brewing Co. and Beachwood Brewery & BBQ, Long Beach is no stranger to craft beer. Coupling this fact with a nautical theme, it seems rather fitting that Ballast Point Brewing & Spirits has now moved into Alamitos Bay Landing where Khoury’s Restaurant used to reside. The San Diego-based brewery opened up shop almost two months ago on June 30. As an avid fan of this brewery, I became ecstatic upon learning they had a tasting room in the area and decided to pay it a visit. I first took note of its size. The Long Beach location is the largest out of the six, with three bars placed throughout the brewery and over 80 taps. I expected an abundant crowd considering how new the brewery is, but despite the rush, this tasting room possessed a warm and comfortable ambiance. The view from the second story overlooking the water definitely elevated the experience. After a 15 minute wait at the main bar, an ebullient bartender took my food order and poured me a flight comprised of their Habanero Sculpin IPA, Tongue Buckler, and Indra Kunindra Export Stout. The Habanero Sculpin IPA is a spicy-lover’s dream come true.
Among the fiery smell of habanero lies the sweet aromas of lemon, apricot, mango and peach. I noticed the beer left a lingering tingle of pepper in my mouth. To even out the hotness, I’d recommend pairing it with something light such as a salad or chicken. This version of Sculpin might also taste delightful in a craft beer bloody mary or michelada. Tongue Buckler, an Imperial Red Ale, is an amalgam of hoppy, malty flavor. At 10 percent, this beer is not for those with a light palate. It complemented the Ballast Point Burger and Truffle Fries I ordered especially well. Tongue Buckler is best enjoyed with heavier meals like steak. My personal palate prefers beers with loud and usually bitter flavors. It is no surprise Indra Kunindra Export Stout took the gold for me. This award-winning brew is actually a collaboration between Ballast Point and Alex Tweet of Fieldwork Brewing Co. Its prominent scent comprised of cayenne, coconut, cumin and curry. Indra Kunindra is the perfect fall season beer with its eclectic combination of piquancy. For more information about the brewery and its beers, visit www. ballastpoint.com.
Indra Kunindra Export Stout, Habanero Sculpin IPA and Tongue Buckler (pictured on the left) are just three of the many beers available at Ballast Point.
Week of Welcome. A more accurate name would be the Circus of Clubs! It is in fact, not a full week, but two tightly packed days on the central quad in which just about every club, organization, fraternity, and university program sets up a table and tries to recruit new members. We have Greek row, complete with all of the university’s fraternities and sororities, ready to rush a new class of freshmen. Not to be forgotten are the more academic clubs, devoted to each major or department. Whether you’re pre-med, engineering, history or business, there’s bound to be a club for you. Religious or spiritual clubs have almost a whole section to themselves, and even though some students are away from their usual family and friends, a lot of these groups provide a new home for them. But it’s not all serious with groups like the Underground Music Society who host local bands and talent. Or maybe you want to dance your way into a social club like Salsa Club, one of the largest groups on campus. There are also sports groups like the Dragon Boat Racing club in need of recruits to join its team of 20 paddlers who pack into a boat along with a drummer and steersperson in hopes of crossing the finish line before its competitors. And what would any gathering be without free swag, pens, stickers and knick knacks to remind you to come out for weekly meetings and special events? Don’t worry about food either, there will be two food trucks at the event to keep your stomach occupied while you wander in and out of the rows. Even though it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the number of people in the crowd, there is also a sense of community. The university provides a space to figure out what kind of things you are into and where you belong, and that’s what we’re all trying to do.
Week of Welcome comes to the Central Quad on Aug. 31 and Sept. 1 from 11 am - 2 pm
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Opinions
The State of Me
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Two perspectives of mentality coming into the new semester By Jorge Paniagua Contributor I remember, the first time I came out to a fellow student— it was in my physical science class. She asked if I was seeing anyone, and I told her, “Nah. But that guy over there is pretty cute.” Her eyes lit up, and immediately started to smile. “Oh my God, He is.” She is now one of my closest friends. Comparing how I feel about my sexuality now to the way I felt last semester is something I deem encouraging, because of the positive change I underwent. Today, I’m open about being gay and strive to make this campus a safe place for all LGBTQ+ students — I do this because, for awhile, I didn’t feel safe on campus.
differently if I told them about my relationship was actually with a guy. Moreover, I was frustrated at the fact that I had to endure so much religious nonsense being thrown at me by these public speakers on the daily. “This is a university,” I thought. “These are places where progressive thinking flourishes and is accepted. What are these religious nuts trying to achieve by making
By Chidiche Dike Contributor If race were a noise, it would be loud. It figures out ways to present itself boldly, commanding attention whenever and wherever. We are not always aware of its presence, but it is always in front of our faces and it always demands that we give it our full attention. It is always about race, even when it’s not. The start of every semester is always a
“I have every reason to feel safe on campus and every reason to be myself.” Some events that made me reconsider telling anyone about my sexuality while at school were the religious extremists that used to, and still, visit our campus. These preachers would deliver loud and offensive speeches to students about how being gay is a “God-damned sin” and how all homosexuals would “burn in hell.” As I made my way past these preachers of hate, I’d shake my head and sometimes laugh at their distorted and inaccurate view of the Christian God. “How would Jesus approve of such religious slandering against students?” I thought. “He doesn’t.” I am gay, but I am also a Christian. The God I pray to is loving and allknowing. He does not hate us, He understands and accepts us. I was shy at the time and I correlated my social anxiety to the fact that I had recently come out to myself and wasn’t sure how to go about it. Questions like “Should I tell people I’m gay?” and “Can they already tell?” were the kind I’d constantly ask myself. These affected me negatively; I became an introvert, not because I was afraid of sharing my sexuality with others, but because I was afraid of how’d they react. Whenever colleagues would ask me if I was seeing anyone, I was reluctant to share my sexuality with them. I would lie about having a girlfriend, because I felt I was going to be treated
turned somebody has wanted to sacrifice me for my own good—only they were the ones who benefited.” These feelings are not new. Being a black student in higher education, you quickly realize that if you do not recognize your power and stand firm in your existence, your body takes the form of a commodity. My presence on campus does not represent that of a person, but a dollar sign. When I see images of black students in brochures, posters, and even black student athletes on campus shuttles, I cannot help but conclude that the university exploits our black bodies to promote this idea of “diversity” that is just a facade.
“My presence on campus does not represent that of a person, but a dollar sign. ”
Illustration by Sam Orihuela Art Director such scandalous remarks here?” However, I began noticing how students would surround these preachers each time they came to our campus. For every protester, there were at least 10 students countering their arguments. In that moment I knew that a large sum of my fellow 49ers would always have my back. I have every reason to feel safe on campus and every reason to be myself. I tried something new the following semester - I began opening up about my sexuality to new people I met on campus. I came out to my colleagues and those colleagues would become friends and I would become a much more social person. I began creating genuine relationships with amazing people. It’s important to be yourself during your college endeavors. This campus is filled with loving people, who are willing to open their minds to new ways of thinking. Coming into this semester, I am no longer afraid of being who I am.
struggle. Being one of very few black, female Economics majors at CSULB, there is always added anxiety walking into a classroom for the first time. Professors tend to treat me one of two ways- like I am invisible or the only student in the room. My classmates typically stare me down as I make my way to a seat. Their looks can be interpreted in many ways, but usually express confusion with the question of “is she in the right class?” lingering in the air. This is a common experience for me as a black student. Last semester was rough for all students, but many black students at this university suffered a great deal of mental, physiological and in some instances, physical trauma. As a student, I felt isolated, threatened and betrayed by the university in regards to the lack of transparency concerning issues that I believe were important for students to be aware of. In Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man, the titled character says, “Everywhere I’ve
As a student, it’s hard enough adapting to the changes in one’s personal life, transitioning into “adulthood” and keeping up with course work. As a black student, there is an added stress of professor biases, nonstop microaggressions, frequent covert racism, not as frequent overt racism, and a general understanding that we all may or may not just be walking, living, breathing parts of a quota. This is our reality. But, as I am hurt, I am also hopeful.. Going into this academic year, I’m understanding of the importance that hope and faith have in this situation as it prevents stagnation. There are a lot of conversations to be had, a lot of healing to be done and even more mutual ground to be created in order for us to all bring forth positive change in the CSULB community.
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FEATURE
FEATURE By Alejandro Ramos The first days of the semester is always a sight to behold. Freshmen and transfer students overrun a campus that is new and foreign to them. Returning students show up prepared and ready to get to work. The result is often a hectic mass of bodies as everyone tries to go about their business. This is expected, though. Crowds will always be an inconvenience that we have to work around at first. After the past week, it’s safe to say that our school is definitely overcrowded to the point where it will bring problems for students and faculty going forward. Let’s go over the list of grievances students and faculty had throughout the week. Parking was impossible to find. The lines at eateries on campus stretched out the door at times. Classes were full and difficult to add at the last minute. It was the busiest first week that I had seen in the six years I’ve been in college. This has been coming for a while, ever since the student population increased by about 1,200 students from fall 2013 to fall 2014 and continued to increase over the next couple of years. According to the Institutional Research & Assessment (IR&A) at Cal State Long Beach, the count rests at
37,773 as of August 26. It won’t stop there, either; the final count won’t be known until a census is conducted in late September. Until then, the number will continue to fluctuate as students add and drop classes. The last time the student population reached such a high was in 2008, when it reached the record-level of 37,916 students enrolled. That record could feasibly be broken within the next couple of weeks. Let’s take a second to agree that the Beach is reaching max capacity and things are going to get worse for students and faculty unless changes are made. Take the issue of parking for example. With only 14,000 spots, the parking lots aren’t capable of accommodating all the students that drive to campus. Some are forced to park off campus and hop on a bus to go the rest of the way. As annoying and inconvenient looking for parking is, it’s a trivial issue in comparison to overcrowding in the classroom. According to the California State University’s website, every academic major and program at Cal State Long Beach is impacted, thus making it difficult for students find open sections for classes they need or proper attention
from their teachers. These issues have been voiced time and time again and yet nothing has been done to remedy them. If anything, there are fewer options available to students. In 2008, Cal State Long Beach had 895 tenured or tenuretrack faculty members on board. In 2014, that number had dropped to 839. That’s a drop of 56 faculty members, a number whose effect is intensified when you think about how many students those teachers could have taught. Cal State Long Beach is going to have to make a decision and soon. The education students receive is going to suffer over a classic case of quantity over quality. The longer it takes for the university to fix the issue of overcrowding, the worse it will get. It’s in the best interest of both the students and the university to find a common ground in order to work towards making both successful. What happened in the past week – packed parking lots, long lines for a bite to eat, scrambling to crash full classes – isn’t going to make that happen.
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Music
“Blond” and Emotional
“Brave Enough” is Beyond Good Enough
Frank Ocean’s new banger hits close to home
Lindsey Stirling releases a new album with a bold twist
By Anna Elaine Abella Contributor
By Elliott Gatica Music Editor
Frank Ocean went on to start a new genre that I’ve never heard of -- experimental R&B. His new album, “Blond”, contains a lot of different content, from a song with a soft melody to one with an aggressive synth. I feel so biased because I can vibe on all the tracks, but there are a few that I want to talk about in greater detail. “Nikes” is quite a way to start off an album. When I started listening, I had immediate butterflies. The beat is superb and causes you to make many interpretations from this song. I think the main theme deals with the idea of materialism and marriage. “Pink + White” is like a mature version of the song “Sierra Lione” from “Channel Orange”. Ocean kicks off the song with a carefree, melodic tune. It was like I was floating on a cloud. He also insinuates the idea that he’s on pure ecstasy and drugs - with the “white” being cocaine and the “pink” being female genitals - and starts to talk about what’s on his mind. The song talks of Ocean’s feelings on environmentalism as well. In “Self-Control”, he fantasizes about a lover. He starts off with confidence that he’d “…be the boyfriend in your wet dreams,” but as the song progresses, he recognizes that they can’t be together and the pitch in his voice goes lower and slower. In the chorus, he says, “keep a place for me, for me / I’ll sleep between y’all, it’s nothing.” Here, Ocean is trying to express that he still wants to rekindle their love. In some way, he’s trying to take back his past lover. This is probably one of the saddest songs on the album. “Nights” goes from a pissed off heavy rap-style lyric about getting money
The highly esteemed and talented dubstep violinist Lindsey Stirling has created another batch of magic—I mean music. With more artist and composer collaborations than her previous albums, “Brave Enough” is a big step in a new direction for Stirling. It’s a bit concerning at first because most of us Stirling-ites are used to violin-infused dubstep tracks, but I listened to the whole album with an open mind. Boy, my expectations were beyond met. In fact, I actually preferred the tracks with guest vocalists over the tracks that were more vintage Stirling. I won’t really say much about the seven tracks in the original album without vocals, because they are just as masterful as her previous songs from her singles, “Shatter Me”, or her first self-titled album. Instead, I want to focus more on the collaboration tracks. “Brave Enough”, the eponymous song from the album, is sung by Christina Perri. The lyrics are simple, but good. This is actually the second song on the album, which does better justice in defining what the tone will be for the rest of the album. After listening to the previous songs, “Where Do We Go” makes me assume that there is a theme of lament throughout the album. Carah Faye, associated with Shiny Toy Guns, joins Stirling in the production of this song. Her voice is amazing paired with the usual Stirling sounds, making this a very enjoyable, yet somewhat saddening listen. Nashville-based country duo Dan + Shay are included in a song titled “Those Days”. These lyrics are tear jerkers for people who have lost someone close to them. For Lindsey, I can see this song having a heavy meaning to her because an associated act and dear friend to her, Jason Gaviati, succumbed to lymphoma during the production of the album. I even shed a few tears reminiscing on the departures in my life. Another guest in collaboration with Lindsey Stirling is ZZ Ward, with the song “Hold My Heart”. This feels a bit more upbeat because of the soul in Ward’s voice and the tone of the music. Despite the lyrics being about having an internal struggle between oneself is strong or not but overcoming the struggle creates something different in a good way.
through music, to a tiresome one where the production becomes a lightweight, dreamy melody. I have two interpretations of this song. In the first part of the song, Ocean is motivated in making that money and is so focused that he won’t give time and attention to his significant other. In the second part, he conveys how tired he is of the grind and it leads him to become a different person. He needs a break. He changes his mind about pushing the other person away and now wants their attention. My second interpretation is that he’s just talking about himself in first and third person. They’re all him. When he refers to “you” and “him,” he’s referring to the fact that he’s two different people -- a hopeless romantic that just wants to be with his significant other and a motivated man reflecting on the journey that music has led him to. “Facebook Story” sounds more like an excerpt or skit applicable to today’s society. Technology is something that is supposed to help people live an easier life. However, in this skit, French DJ Sebastian talks about how technology became toxic and detrimental to his relationship. The girl’s priority was more on social and internet life rather than what was already in front of her. Overall, I strongly believe that Frank Ocean’s “Blond” is an emotional and poetic masterpiece about his relationship with life. Whether it is references of social media, drugs, and diluted love, he delves deeply into raw human emotions that many of us go through. People may think that this is a depressing album, but I see it as a way for him to vent his feelings t h r o u g h music. Ocean really shows a different side of himself on this album.
One of my personal favorites in this album has is the song “Mirage”, which features an Indian-American singer, Raja Kumari. It breaks away from the sad tone of the album and actually makes me feel energetic. Giving off a freestyle and hip-hop vibe, Kumari sings her parts in Indian, adding more into its uniqueness. The frontman and lead guitarist for Weezer, Rivers Cuomo, sings a duet with hip-hop artist Lecrae in “Don’t Let This Feeling Fade”. I honestly thought that this collaboration would not be so great, but I was wrong. The next song with a guest singer is “Love’s Just a Feeling”. Featuring pop singer and songwriter, Rooty, Zedd produces the music for this track. His rhythm and sound paired with Rooty’s profound lyrics, this song is a personal close second favorite on the album. The final song with vocal collaboration, “Something Wild”, brings in group Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness. The song’s lyrics talk about going through hardships, but eventually finding a way to get past them and find solace. It sounds like a song of adventure. Lastly, “Gavi’s Song” is perhaps the saddest, most beautiful ending song for an album released in recent times. It isn’t a collaborative piece, but instead is Stirling’s tribute to her lost friend, Jason Gaviati. With combinations of slow and sincere piano and Lindsey’s violin, the sad tone sounds as if tragedy has struck. I can honestly say that this is a great tribute, especially with the ending, where a preserved bit of Stirling and Gavi was recorded via phone. This was a great album; I can’t stress this enough. It’s a must listen. Various talented voices, new Stirling sounds, different composers, and the overall theme make this album a masterpiece.
Athletics
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A Tale of Two Gyms The difficulties of maintaining physical fitness in a regular gym
The Black and Gold Standard: Ashley Gonzales Lets Her Play Talk LBSU’s prolific scorer is collected amidst the brightening lights By Matthew Gozzip Athletics Editor Practice concluded at George Allen Field but Ashley Gonzales is still zoned in. It’s the day before the game against nationally ranked Southern California, a fact made more apparent when the hyperfocus in her eyes remains unbroken after her coaches call her. Gonzales’ aura of intensity remains even when she is at standing rest. “Every practice, every training session is like a game to me,” says Gonzales. “I embrace the role of being under pressure.” Believe it or not, Gonzales might never have been a start soccer player. Originally a cheerleader in training, the only reason she was signed up for soccer because she didn’t meet the age requirement to for the cheer program. Gonsalez, a born comeptitior, embraced the challenge. Sixteen years later, the love for the sport has remained entact. “When I was younger, I didn’t enjoy anything as much as I did soccer,” Gonzales says. “I loved to run, plus the thrill of scoring and celebrating was so exciting.” And Gonzales did a whole lot of celebrating. At Chino Hills High School, she led the offensive attack with 38 goals and 20 assists. In her senior year, the Huskies captured the section title after an all-everything awardwinning season for Gonzales. Scoring is a natural ability for Gonzales
due to her unusually aggressive attack. The junior forward routinely battles for balls and seals out defenders when need be, not always opting for simply taking a through ball. Opposing players know the ball is coming to her and she still manages to deke and drive the ball through the net. Gonzales’ offensive edge has awarded her a reputation on the pitch, but it’s hard not to observe one of her other notable traits: her soft-spoken calmness. Rarely, if ever, does Gonzales yell at her teammates. Critiques are done in private or
established herself as one of the greatest soccer players in program history. Her 19 goals, 42 points and several post-season accolades justify this sentiment. This season her two goals and assist have helped result in an undefeated season so far against strong competition. Despite the continual praises from the media and her opponents, Gonzales remains modest after all the attention. The star soccer player balances the stress of on field pressures by focusing on her studies. A child development major, Gonzales finds joy in helping kids fulfill their potential like she does with her teammates. “One day, I want to be that person that helps a kid experience their first ‘first’s’ ”, Gonzales says. “The first time did well in school. The first time they had fun with new friends. To share that kind of experience with someone feels amazing.” Even when she is in the spotlight, there is no contempt for Gonzales. For a person who enjoys first’s, Gonzales is the first of her kind: a hard-hitting striker with the mindfulness of a coach, the confidence of a professional and the humility to realize that she can be better even when she is near the top of the sport.
“Many believe that a leader should have vocal command...Gonzales’ calm presence over her teammates actually amplifies their play.” off to the sideline. Many believe that a leader should have vocal command of their teammates in effort to display confidence. Gonzales’ calm presence over her teammates actually amplifies their play. “Pushing myself and my teammates is something I try to do everyday and that is putting out a hard effort”, says Gonzales. “Helping people be successful is different for everyone”. And actions have spoken louder than words. In two years at LBSU, Gonzales has
By Karrie Comfort Staff Writer Like most of us, I entered the summer with high hopes and low muscle mass. I had one goal - to hit the gym. I didn’t mean mentally telling myself for the fifth time, “you know, you should really go to the gym Karrie”, but actually getting off my butt and doing it. So I bought a gym membership to Chuze Fitness. At the time, I did it because it seemed relatively inexpensive and its bright yellow color scheme appealed to me. That marketing scheme really worked on me and I was excited to start. But it was not meant to be. As it would turn out, Chuze Fitness doesn’t have deadlifting platforms, free standing squat racks or bench presses. This basically eliminated half of my workout. So I learned to improvise. There are some barbells that go up to 80 pounds for curling, but I was able to use them for deadlifting. Sure, I wasn’t hitting any personal records, but I was able to make up for the low weight and lack of resources with extra repetitions. For benching, I used dumbbells instead of the standard barbell, which really increased my control, even though I was unable to practice normal benching. Squatting was the easiest to do, since they have a Smithson machine, which is basically a squat rack with the bar locked in. It wasn’t ideal. Neither is working out during the semester, I’m beginning to find out. I can already anticipate that the “Rec Center Rush” will die down within three weeks, and many students with the same high hopes I began with will be eating ramen in a huddled mass rather than gaining muscle mass. I’ll be ditching Chuze and returning to the Student Recreation and Wellness Center. It has many more different activities to choose from. Being in shape isn’t an easy thing while also being a full-time student, especially for those who work as well, but I believe in us. Stay strong, improvise, and don’t waste money on an outside gym membership.
12
Culture
Inside Guillermo Del Toro’s Bleak House LACMA displays the director-writer’s darkest creations Words and photos by Liz Campos Fitch Contributor
Welcomed by red-wine colored walls and Faun from “Pan’s Labyrinth”, the Guillermo Del Toro “At Home with Monsters” exhibit at LACMA invites the public to look closely at Del Toro’s mind. “At Home With Monsters” consists of maquettes, sculptures, paintings, notebooks and other forms of art from some of the Mexican film director’s most popular films. Eight different themes divide the exhibition, starting with “Childhood and Innocence”. It then follows with the “Victorian Era”, “Rain Room”, “Magic”, “Alchemy and the Occult”, “Movies”, “Comics and Pop Culture”, “Frankenstein and Horror”, “Freaks and Monsters”, and ends with “Death and the Afterlife”. In the first room, which depicts childhood and innocence in Del Toro’s work, a sculpture of Faun stands next to a television screen that shows scenes of “Pan’s Labyrinth”, the film that he appears in. With thunderstorm and chain sound effects as the occasional background music, the exhibit then switches to a room designed to transport the audience to the Victorian Era. Here, costumes worn by characters of “Crimson Peak” are the main attraction. The rather somber ambiance of this room is then followed by the “Rain Room”, a replica of an actual room of Del Toro’s “Bleak House”. Here, a window is designed to show raindrops against the glass even when it’s not raining. A sculpture of Edgar Allan Poe sits next to it in company of other characters such as Dracula and a collection of decades-old fairy tale books. In between the “Victorian Era” and the “Rain Room”, a wall full of insect replicas and drawings raise eyebrows. The uniqueness of this room is a great representation of what Del Toro transmits in his work—finding beauty in the shadows. In the “Frankenstein and Horror” room, a lot of the essence of Del Toro’s work can be seen. On one of his many works regarding “Frankenstein,” a quote by the filmmaker reads: “I really think I was born to exist in the [horror] genre. I adore it ... I don’t look down upon it in a way that a lot of directors do. For me, it’s not a stepping stone; it’s a cathedral”. His appreciation for the beauty that lies beneath shadows and the occult continues to be seen in the following rooms, “Freaks and Monsters” and “Death and the Afterlife”. Overall, the exhibit allowed me to get to know Del Toro a little bit better. His life experiences are so engrained in his work. I consider myself a person who sees beauty in what’s hidden in the dark, and it’s an amazing feeling to know that someone from my own country, who speaks the languages I speak and who sees what I see has an outlet to reach a greater audience and is recognized on art platforms such as Los Angeles’ very own LACMA.
Travel
Terminal Purgatory A horror of a time at the airport You would think that after traveling for so long I would know what to expect from airports, flight agencies and passengers. However, that has not been the case. I migrated to the United States eleven years ago and I have been traveling every year since then, and I have only had one true travel horror story — for now. It began when I courageously traveled by myself. To clarify, I was traveling back to my home country, Guatemala. There are always direct flights to Guatemala, but they are expensive, and the Guatemalan airport is on the other side of my hometown, which would mean endless hours of road trips in incredibly dangerous roads. No thank you. The Mexican airport is a major stop for numerous travelers that are heading to and from South and Central America. Nonetheless, I always get stuck there for a minimum of three hours. That particular day I had to wait four and a half hours, the flight was delayed. Then I flew to the Monterrey International Airport. I had to make a “quick” stop there to be able to get back to LAX (Los Angeles International Airport). I arrived there at 3 am on a Sunday morning. Everything was closed. The airport was actually closed. I was confused just like the other travelers. My flight to LAX didn’t leave until 10 am. The airport was going to
By Julia Velasco Contributor
day — it was a lie, but I wanted them to know the importance of me getting back to LAX. They were able to get me back to LAX, but not directly. I had to stop by the Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport, then LAX. I took my flight and arrived at Phoenix. I was hungry so I went to a Mexican restaurant. I ordered some type of fajita burrito. There was no God at that point, because I got food poisoning. I ran to the restroom to vomit. After a couple of minutes of uncomfortable vomiting, I got out. One of the cleaning staff members was there and she was smiling at me. I was—once again—confused. She then proceeded to say with an accent, “Ohhhh!!! You pregnant!” hands gesturing a baby bump on herself. I just stared at her blankly for a couple of seconds because I was dead inside. Not dead enough, because I Illustration by John Mueller Graphics Illustrator clarified with her that I was not be opened at 8 am. A nap sounded nice, but face, not the good kind either. pregnant, although I was tempted to just say the cleaning crew came in and was trying to She told me to wait and went around to yes. I thought I was done throwing up, but I kick us out so they could clean and move ask her co-worker for help. I was starting to the seats around. After us panicking and get concerned. After a couple of minutes was wrong. I puked my way over to LAX. Eleven years of traveling have taught them getting tired of trying tokick us out, she came back and told me that they didn’t me to not have any expectations at all — we were shoved to a corner. have any flights going to LAX that day. this just helps diminish the amount of After waiting hours for the airport to I froze. She was trying to explain open, 8 am finally came and everyone rushed something to me but all I heard was the disappointment. My only advice to you guys is to not have over to the desk to confirm their flights. I “Kill Bill” sirens and started panicking once any expectations for the traveling part of stood in line and when I gave the information more. I told them that I had to get back to your travels. necessary to the flight agency rep, she made a Los Angeles because I had school the next
Air Talk with a Stranger:
d n From: ou p R Long Beach, CA Tri To: Austin, TX
13
“When you drive do you wear a hat that says ‘drive’ on it?” I turned to look at the guy sitting next to me on my early morning flight to Austin International Airport. It took me a few to process exactly what he was saying, but then I realized I was wearing my favorite snapback which said “FLY” on the front. How clever of him. I laughed and told him no, that this was just my favorite hat, and here began the best plane conversation I have ever had, to date. I have never forgotten the conversation, and I still have the flight ticket as a memento to remind me of our short encounter. I was flying to Austin for a very short term mission, to attend economics seminar for college students, hosted by one of my favorite economics websites FEE.org, or the Foundation for Economic Education. And yes. I know it sounds boring, that’s
Words and photo by Karrie Comfort Staff Writer
what Paul, my flight partner, thought too. But, don’t you worry about me, I loved it. He on the other hand was making a whole life change, and was moving from Long Beach to Austin to pursue his career goal of being a doctor, something he’d dreamt about for a while. Paul Nguyen was his full name, and yes that is his real name, which I feel comfortable sharing since I know there are quite a lot of Paul Nguyens, as I discovered after my flight when I tried to add him on Facebook... I stopped trying to find him after the first two pages of Paul Nguyens weren’t him. Vietnam was his first home, he told me, and he said that he was excited for Austin, not only because of the career potential, but also because the muggy weather would remind him of his tropical home country. He admitted he was a little bit nervous. He had friends picking him up from the
airport, but he didn’t know many people in Austin and he expected it to be a little bit of a shock at first. “I am ready though, I have been through all the schooling and I’m ready!” he said with such conviction that I believed him. The remainder of the flight was just as interesting, and we talked about everything, from church to fashion to the weather, and at the end of the flight, I was sad to say goodbye. There was an awkward side hug and I got up and exited to my short little seminar, and I reboarded a similar flight three days later: round trip back to Long Beach. Sometimes the best part of travel are the people you meet on your way, for those brief interactions that leave a lasting memory. I hang onto my round trip tickets to remind me of the trip, and of Paul Nguyen, the future doctor with a one-way ticket. UW-8292016
14 Entertainment Hell or High Water Texas, cowboys, and bank robberies By Andrew Linde Multimedia Manager “Hell or High Water” Length: 1 hr 42 mins Director: David Mackenzie Starring: Dale Dickey, Ben Foster, Chris Pine, William Sterchi, Jeff Bridges, Gil Birmingham, Katy Mixon
Sausage Party Stupid fun made by stupid people By Bailey Mount Managing Editor “Sausage Party” Length: 1 hr 29 mins Directors: Greg Tiernan, Conrad Vernon Starring: Seth Rogan, Kristen Wiig, Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Salma Hayek, Nick Kroll
The Get Down A celebration of hiphop’s history By Matthew Gozzip Athletics Editor “The Get Down” Season 1 now on Netflix 12 episodes Starring: Justice Smith, Shameik Moore, Herizen F. Guardiola, Skylan Brooks, Tremaine Brown Jr., Jimmy Smits, Stefanée Martin
Every once in awhile a film will be quietly released amongst the bigger blockbusters and that film will blow them all away. This month that film is “Hell or High Water”. The film opens with Ben Foster (“3:10 to Yuma”) and Chris Pine (“Star Trek Beyond”) robbing a bank. Jeff Bridges plays the Texas Ranger, more Rooster Cogburn than the Dude, searching for the bank robbers. The rest of the film plays out as the audience learns the significance of the money being stolen. From “Sicario” writer Taylor Sheridan, what follows in “Hell or High Water” is a tense battle of wits. No one gets away with anything, as Foster’s character says in the film. Much like “Sicario”, the audience learns sympathy for a man doing bad things is dangerous. Foster as Tanner and Pine as Toby play a tense and realistic brotherly bond.
Immediately there is the sense that Pine is the kind brother and Foster is the mean brother. But this film never lets any character be that
“Sausage Party” left a funny taste in my mouth. With its cultural caricatures, overthe-top depravity, and typical Seth Rogen marijuana jokes, it initially feels like a film only a creator could love. What truly makes it worth seeing — though not revisiting unless aided by some marijuana yourself — is its sheer volumes of stupid fun. Heralded as “the first CGI animated R film,” it tells the story of Frank (Seth Rogen) and Brenda (Kristen Wiig), a hot dog and a bun that just want to get it on. Shenanigans ensue to prevent this from happening. The main villain is an actual douche in a world of almost exclusively sentient food items. Humans can only understand the food if they’re high on amphetamines. Seeing a type of media reserved for children have adult comedy is funny — for
about thirty minutes. Not so much for a feature length film. After a point, it gets uncomfortable in a way that leaves you squirming in your seat. I can now say that I have seen a food
One of the most memorable scenes from “The Get Down” depicts the mixing of a hip-hop beat. Legendary DJ Grandmaster Flash demonstrates to his pupil the elements of the “get down,” the process of isolating an instrumental break in a song and then queuing a beat on the other turntable. Using quasi Buddhist rhetoric, Flash explains that the two turntables are life and destiny, the balance between present and future. “Be in the moment but give the future your utmost attention.” The scene may seem subtle compared to the rest of the sensationalized spectacle of the show but it holds true to the motifs that power the series through a very successful first act: the relevance of hip-hop’s origin story to the modern day. Set in the Bronx during the late 1970s, “The Get Down” recreates the rise of hiphop amidst the tumult of a neighborhood crumbling under the weight of institutional destitution and tempered artistic dreams. Societal pressure to conform in the hopes of escaping the danger becomes as formidable a challenge to the protagonists as street gangs
or corrupt politicians. Despite the bleak backdrop, polarizing director and producer, Baz Luhrmann, infuses color to the tale through his storytelling methods. Luhrmann realized hip-hop’s genesis is best told through street fables and not a Wikipedia synopsis page.
simple. Tanner has spent some time in jail. He sees the world as a place full of enemies. Toby has had a different kind of hard life, scraping by in a dead town. Bridges plays an equally complex character, who at times resorts to racial slurs
orgy. I have seen a douche insert itself inside a man and use his testicles to move him “Ratatouille” style. In a way, this film broke me.
This led to a fair amount of interpretation in the show. Luhrmann and company get lost at times in clarifying interlacing storylines but their focus on capturing what originally made hip-hop so pure and appealing to people is what ultimately shines through. Hip-hop’s fluid essence cannot be captured without creative chaos.
and stereotypes when talking with his Native American partner (Gil Birmingham). The old cowboy is close to retirement, and maybe that’s a good thing for the state of Texas. Other colorful characters populate the film, making this a fully realized setting and helping remind the viewer that Texas is a little more than guns and racism. This is to be expected from screenwriter Sheridan. The film includes moments of levity that are much needed from the gravitas of the situation. In another writer’s hands, there could have been a sloppy message attached to the film, but instead there are just subtle indicators of what world these characters inhabit. If you’re anything like me and have grown bored of Chris Pine playing Captain Kirk, definitely watch “Hell or High Water” to see him truly act.
Yet what few charms it has stems from the insanity of its characters. Salma Hayek plays a lesbian taco, offering up a bevy of jokes just in those two characterizations alone. Bill Hader is Firewater, a grass-burning bottle of liquor. And as the film races to top each scene, it creates a crazy ride that never shows any signs of stopping. In the end, this film’s target audience is undoubtedly people like Seth Rogen — people who like stupid fun and are probably stoned. For us outliers, it’s a nice one-hit wonder to knock out a Saturday night. If you’re looking for a feel good, relax and enjoy the sheer incredulity of what you’re seeing kind of film, “Sausage Party” is for you. If you’re looking for a successful adult animated film, keep looking. Rating: 3 out of 5 sausages
“The Get Down” is part of the hip-hop’s latest movement to revisit its roots. Rising artists are beginning to reintegrate a central musical influence that hip-hop derived from: disco. New subgenres have emerged headed by artists such as Anderson . Paak, Kaytranada and Toro Y Moi that combine electronic synth instruments with a steady beat of hi hats and bass that are used in most disco tracks. On top of that, the dance elements of hip-hop have become simplified to suit a more casual audience, similar to more synchronized disco dances. At its best, “The Get Down” is a thoughtful tale for hip-hop heads and casual audiences, a series that has the ability to provoke the viewer’s nostalgia of personal creative expression. “The Get Down” is as much a celebration of the past as it is excitement for the future of the hip-hop culture. All images on this page sourced from: imdb.com
Entertainment
15
No Man’s Hype Hello Games makes promises they can’t keep By Peter R. Clark Entertainment Editor After playing “No Man’s Sky”, an exploration game by Hello Games, for a couple of weeks, I can safely say that this game is not very good, unless you’re a simple person who likes simple games. “No Man’s Sky” is a procedurally generated adventure games that revolves around you going from planet to planet in real time, and discovering things. The goal of this game, if you can call it that, is to get to the center of the universe, which is very, very, very far away. There is also some light crafting (and resources to collect), and some economic gameplay, but for the most part this game is light on the actual content. Yes you can explore a vast universe full of billions of mostly unique planets, and meet thousands of unique-ish aliens, but that’s about it. This game lacks any depth. It’s as big as an ocean, but as shallow as a puddle. The game tries to pad content by allowing players to collect words of alphabets from four different alien species. For whatever reason you can only really learn these words from ancient ruins, monoliths, or plaques. Because you know, asking them from the aliens would be too… convenient (as a note, you can sometimes learn words from Aliens, but the best way to learn words is get them from the aforementioned ruins, monoliths, or plaques). The tedious Al Bhed Primer-like learning system is more an annoyance than anything. It’s a system that is cool at first, but
quickly becomes something that you spend most of your time doing. After you learn a bit of the language, speaking to aliens becomes a bit easier, but
then you realize that even though you know the words, their sentences tend to make little sense. I once had a sentence that was just “death” repeated over and over. When you meet aliens you are given three choices to interact with them. Choosing the right one gives you a reward and increases your standing with them. Choosing the wrong one—you guessed it— gets you nothing, and your standing decreases with them. How your actions with one alien somehow affects the entire race of aliens is beyond me, but those are rules of the game. Once you get enough resources to leave a planet, you can go into space, but that doesn’t make the game much better. There’s not much to do in space except go to another planet, space station, or leave the system to go to another one. Upon arriving in a new system you are given the same three options. Each option leads to the same result: meeting aliens, learning words, collecting resources, and discovering things. Wash, rinse, repeat. This
game is more repetitive than a lot of modern shooters. You can upgrade your ship light crafting. You gather resources found in both space,
and on planets. However, upgrading your ship takes up slots in your inventory. The only way to expand your ship’s inventory is to buy a new one from a travelling trader, or
transferring from planet to Space is very well done. The art style is good, I guess. Hmm what else… there aren’t very many good things I can say about this game. I wanted
find a crashed one. Both options have their own risk-reward features. However, there is little to no depth to ships in general. The only difference between ships are looks and inventory slots. On the technical side, it has a lot of issues too. The game runs at sub 20 frames on my computer, and didn’t even run until they made a patch for it a week later. The options on the PC are limited at best, and the field of view slider doesn’t go as high as I would like it to. In addition to that there are many console features that are left in this version. Auto aim, auto-piloting (can’t fly into caves, fly low, or fly into water without mods), and menus are clearly made with a controller in mind. I also really hate the hold to activate. It’s very unintuitive and thankfully a mod was released to fix it. But let’s not be too hyper-critical here. There are some redeeming qualities “No Man’s Sky” has. At it’s best, the game can look quite beautiful, especially when transferring from planet to space. Also the seamless
this game to be good, and in its current state, it’s not. It’s been gutted of features promised for the release, and it is a pretty shitty console port to boot. “No Man’s Sky” is a testament to the shit stick that gamers are getting shoved up their asses. It’s a game that was promised to be made with PC gamers in mind, but it ended up being a load of feces covered in other feces. Where are all the features, Hello Games? Why did it take you years to develop this? There isn’t much going on in this game and it took you this long? “No Man’s Sky”, aka, No Man’s Hype, aka, this community will make the game you couldn’t. People who like a grind and doing things over and over again, will probably like this game. Hell if you like landscapes that are sometimes good to look at too, it’s a plus. But actual gamers who like games with substance, depth, and things to do will not like this game. This game, in its current state, is for a very small number of dedicated people, everyone else should avoid it. Perhaps in the future either Hello Games or the community will add enough content to the game to make it more interesting, but right now, it is not worth the $60 price tag. Rating: 2 out of 5
Volume 79 Issue 2
Monday, August 29, 2016
LBUNION.COM
The Grunion is a work of satire. It in no way reflects the views of Long Beach Union Weekly or Associated Students Inc.
SHITLORDS
C U NEXT MONDAY
Grim Fandango Grunion Fucklord
Mercedes Colomar News Secretary Cervantes LeMans Staff Slave Send submissions to: stalkyard@gmail.com
DEADLINES
Long Lost Flava Flav Mixtape Washes up On Shore at Local Beach
By Grim Fandango (Manuel Calavera)
GRUNION FUCKLORD
I
s… is it safe? Are you reading this? Okay… it seems we’re live once again. Apparently someone—someone who is mentioned in another article on this page—wasn’t too happy with one of our articles we wrote last time. This time we have to be a little more careful. We have to be more subtle with our jokes. But that doesn’t mean I have to fully censor myself. I just can’t say something else, as blatantly as I did. I honestly say fuck that, but I’ll find a way to slip it
in… but I’ll have to ask permission first. What’s new? Well I hired a new staff writer. I fired most of my other writers except my News Secretary Mercedes. I had to fire Olivia Ofrenda due to her comments on our last issue, which is directly related to my previous statement. I also fired Khaled M. Khaled for being annoying, and Avril Fickhauser for flipping too many people off—for no reason. Our new writer has potential and might potentially have the chops to be your next Fucklord. Check out Cervantes LeMans’ article later on this page. Oh yeah I am required to say that the Grunion is accepting contributors. So if you think you think you have what it takes to write for us, feel free to send us an article. All submissions are reviewed by our excellent group of copy-editors (me),
and then if they are worthy, I’ll put them into the issue. You find the submission email somewhere on this page. Well slaves... err readers I hope you enjoy our new content this time. We’re increasing our total number of issues, and coming out every two weeks instead of whenever the fuck we want. So hopefully it turns out good. In other news, we considered changing our production day to Tuesday, but we decided to keep it on Monday because Tuesday would make it harder for our printers. So, see you next Monday! (actually, since we’re on a biweekly basis, it will actually be next-next Monday, but I’m making a joke here, so go with it). -The Boney Editor, Grim.
GETTING BACK TO ASS TAXES
By Cervantes LeMans
STAFF SLAVE
I REMAINS LOST: The person who found it threw it back into the ocean, because despite his best wishes, nobody wants that. Sorry Mr. Flav.
CSULB Campus Overrun with Parasitic Tapeworms
n order to combat overcrowding, California State University, Long Beach President Conoley has enacted Executive Order 66: The Seat Tax. All chairs or furniture made for the human tushy are to be rented upon use. “Hopefully, the taxation of chairs, benches, and toilets should raise an enormous amount of money for our college,” said President Conoley. On top of that, restaurants and office supply stores are also following similar suit. Under the restaurants’ jurisdictions, students must bring their own food for restaurants to cook. In return, they get one free fork and one condiment of their choosing.
Also, under office supply policy; customers must bring their own papers or ink in order to use their printers. In return, they receive a 17 page receipt and expired coupons for yesterday’s deals. They were redeemable for ten cents or one small Mexican candy. Unfortunately, students are protesting by sitting on tiled floors, carpeted areas or even on the grass. “Under section 7734, penal code 8008135: Any acts of tushy sitting, butt cheeks to a solid object or pointy if you dare, are considered under penalty fees renting charges,” said Conoley. When asked where the money would go, she replied, “Don’t sweat it bro-skis and bro-chachas. All forced donations will go to any of the corrupted charities, we have selected.” Here are the main charities: 1. The “More Raises for the 100k Earners“ Charity
2. The “Bend the Students Over and Continue to Fee Their Asses” Charity 3. The “Hire Contractors to Fuck Up Parking and Add More Palm Trees” Chair-a-tee In other non-sequitur news, I drank pink wine called “Winesin”. After that, I went semi-buzzed to my class. The pink wine was good, I would recommend it.
this subject, but you cannot publish the documents or photos verbatim.” After throughly examining the documents, we have concuded that it is unclear whether or not these are real or fake documents. Some seem too good to be true. On the one hand you have a high-quality photo of Trump and El Chapo kissing, but the very next photo is what looks like a horribly photoshopped mess of an image. Some of the transripts, and recordings appear to be tampered with as well. None seem too official, and most appear to be shoddily made in Word or Audacity. However, one does stand out as very interesting. A phone conversation between Trump and El Chapo. “I’m wearing that suit you like, Chappy. It’s got holes in all the right places, if you know what I mean,” says Trump.
“Good good, now please stick your finger...” is El Chapo’s response, but we’ll spare you the details. It goes on to include raunchy dialogue about walls and having El Chapo pay for them, to which it is quite clear that El Chapo climaxes. It doesn’t take much for Trump to arrive as well, when El Chapo starts talking about how all his fellow nationals are criminals. Both Trump and El Chapo could not be reached for comment regarding this issue, and I doubt they will ever comment on it. Perhaps this all made up to be put these two in a false light, but in any case it is hilarious and we’ll continue to report on this topic in the event that new evidence presents itself. I need to stop writing about Trump, he doesn’t need all this publicity. You hear me, Grim? Give me substance!
Emily Rauchburn, 19, not too happy about the new taxes and is forced to use the toilet on the floor. (Mercedes Colomar/Grunion)
TRUMP AND EL CHAPO: LOVERS?
By Mercedes Colomar
NEWS SECRETARY
OVERBURDEN: The campus of CSULB is currently overrun with over 30,000 parasitic nightmares, more commonly known as “students.” On a related note: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!
GUTTED
HOW TO MAKE SALAD DRESSING...2 FECAL FRENZY...................................3 POTATO FISTING................................4 7 SHITS FOR SUMMER......................5 KULDEEP CROSSBUSTER............666 MAGICAL FUCKING DONKEY............7 JEROME SIMPSON’S ERUPTION......8
A
recent document leaked by an anonymous source indicates that presidential candiate Donald Trump mught be in a serious relationship with drug lord Joaquín Guzmán otherwise known as El Chapo. A document was sent to us recently simply titled “Eyes Only” and inside was a number of photos, and transcripts of phone calls (and even a few recordings), meetings, and other incriminating evidence that show that Trump and El Chapo have been together now for many years. The anonymous sender provided a message saying, “You may report on