LITERARY|Moths

Moths

by Jellycris France Andaya

My heart sank, I felt it fall all the way deep down my gut

I tried to react and say something but my mouth is completely shut

I didn't see it coming as it threw me way off guard

How did I get myself into this? I laugh for it hit me so hard

My eyes should've looked away when you smiled the other day

I should've left after you told me about who you love but chose to stay

Wanted to believe that I'm happy for you as I listen to your stories about him

But when I went home my chest feels the same, knowing my chances are worse than slim

My mind tries to subject my confused heart that unruly yells

It feels unlawful to admire you coz you're in love with someone else

I feel shame to even like you coz I'm younger than you and I act childishly

I thought I'm feeling butterflies but turns out they're moths destroying me

My knees grow weak and they turn to jelly when you laugh at your own silly joke

Telling you you're not funny while I make fun of you, I grin and I try not to choke

Am I being obvious? I need to be careful, I can't let anyone see me blushing

Being friends but restraining myself from getting too attached, what am I thinking?!

My lungs try to breathe but I have trouble with it when you are near

It's annoying that catching another glimpse of your smile is what I fear

Are you already figuring out about how I feel? Because I can't let you know

It will be awkward and complicated and maybe you'll hate me, so no

My stomach sheltered the moths, now they grew and became problematic

I shouldn't have let this happen, shouldn't have acted like a hopeless romantic

I was completely fine without this feelings, why do I have to have them

Now I am afraid that these moths won't ever leave my system

My hands are full, holding it in, I am overwhelmed by all of this things

I hope that these moths will just starve to death as I ignore their fluttering wings

I still want to love you and hold you dear but not in a way that I cross any line

To be your friend is a wonderful chance, to be close to you, I think I'll be fine