St
STRANDED AT A GLANCE ALL THE NEWS THAT ISN’T FIT TO PRINT
WILL NETO
STUDENT ADDICTED TO UOFT CLOTHING
For first-year life science student Brad Marshall, the time of year which more seasoned students refer to as “midterm season” is nothing to worry about. Despite having tests in biology, chemistry, physics, and calculus in the next week alone, Marshall seems calm as we speak to him outside Burwash Hall. “Yeah, I mean, I’m feeling pretty good about my midterms next week,” says Marshall. “I had a couple of tough tests in high school, but I got through those, so I figure this should be no different.” Marshall has plans to look over his notes the day before the test, but other than that feels as if he is “well-prepared” for whatever may come. Sources close to Marshall have declined to confirm whether or not he actually knows exactly what university he’s currently attending.
A second-year student has been reported to be suffering from an intense addiction to buying and wearing Uof T-branded clothing. “It’s just that the bookstore has so many good sales,” says Rose Li, 19. “First there was the backto-school sale, and then the second-week-back sale...and apparently the Thanksgiving sale is just around the corner!” Li, who has already purchased three hoodies, nine sweaters, five pairs of sweatpants, six baseball caps, and ten t-shirts, says that she won’t be stopping anytime soon. When asked about the lone Ryerson shirt in the back of her closet, Li would only say that it was from a “dark time”, and that she wouldn’t like to comment further.
INNOCENT LIBRARYGOERS SHUSHED BY FELLOW STUDENT Sources report that on Monday afternoon around 4:45 PM, three individuals in Robarts Library were shushed by another student. The incident occurred on the tenth floor, Harbord side. Second-year students Melissa, Courtney, and Sarah were enjoying a casual study session in a study room when they were suddenly shushed by a student outside. “We were quietly discussing the Emma Watson UN speech, when out of nowhere we heard a loud “SHUSH” from outside the room,” Courtney told our reporters. Many bystanders in the area said that the girls’ conversation was not disruptive to the surrounding floor. “It’s not like they were screaming and laughing. They were just talking with their indoor voices,” an anonymous source told Stranded. Sarah was most harshly affected by the “SHUSH”, and is in critical condition as a result of the incident. She did not wish to leave a comment. The identity of the perpetrator of the “SHUSH” is unknown. However, rumors have it that he is a third-year engineering student and is just really stressed out with midterms already.
EMILY POLLOCK
FIRST-YEAR STUDENT FEELS “PRETTY GOOD” ABOUT MIDTERMS
WHY YOU SHOULD (HAVE) SEE(N) THE GARDEN PARTY NEIL MACISAAC STRANDED ASSOCIATE EDITOR The Strand regrets to announce that, due to a computer virus received while trying to pirate a copy of 22 Jump Street, the Victoria College Drama Society’s promotional article regarding its production of Václav Havel’s The Garden Party was unable to be included in our September 23 issue. Please find the article below, originally written on September 18: Fans of drama are likely eagerly anticipating Victoria College Drama Society’s first production of the 2014-2015 season: The Garden Party. As an absurdist satire of communism first staged in Czechoslovakia in 1963, current students might be forgiven for considering
16 16
this play to be as ludicrously outlandish as a case of Ebola in the continental United States. But rest assured, the comedy is relatable and as plentiful as Canada’s blood donation reserves. Director David Kitai promises that audiences will be “as satisfied [with the play] as Obama is satisfied with the protection provided to him and his family by the Secret Service.” Speaking with Bennett Steinburg (playing protagonist Hugo Pludek) during rehearsals, I found him to be a bit nervous about certain aspects of his performance. “It’s a lot of pressure; the dialogue and blocking can be very tricky in certain spots,” he remarked. Asked about what motivates him, he said, “My parents are very sup-
portive. They’re travelling to hike some mountain in Japan a few days before we go on, but they’ll be back in time to see me!” In the interest of honesty, I must confess that I am the assistant director of this play, and am thus slightly biased. But with each late-night bike ride home from rehearsals on busy streets, wind in my un-helmeted hair and the Space Jam soundtrack blaring in my headphones, I feel more and more confident in this cast and my own seeming invincibility. I hope to see you all there! [Note: The Strand sends its deepest condolences to the Steinburg and MacIsaac families.]