Being a Good Ally

BEING AN LGBTQ+ ALLY

Your friend came out. What do you say?

*This guide was created by the Be You LGBTQ+ group*

Definition: ‘ coming out’ is the selfdisclosure of a person in relation to their gender identity or sexual orientation.

When a person comes out to you, it will likely be a big deal to them. They may have thought about doing it for a long time, and they may feel worried they may be rejected.

This guide has been informed by our own experiences of coming out at school, although you don ’t have to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community to be in the group. We hope you will take just a couple of minutes to read it so that Eastbourne College can become a more welcoming community.

Do:

Be curious and ask: “Is there anything more that you ’d like to share with me?” whilst respecting their boundaries Be supportive, open and caring Recognise that the person coming out trusts you Understand that it can be worrying to come out Reassure them Continue to be a good friend; them coming out shouldn ’t change your friendship Be You Group

Don’t:

Some responses that we would have liked to hear ourselves:

Don ’t tell anyone else - it is not your news to tell Don ’t assume that this changes anything about the person telling you Don ’t ask “Are you attracted to me?” Don ’t ask “Is it just a phase?” Don ’t tell them that “You don ’t look trans/gay/lesbian/bi” Don ’t say “ okay ” and then never talk about the subject again Don ’t tell them to “ pick a side ” Don ’t interrogate them - they might not be ready to share anything more

“Thank you for telling me ” “Thank you for trusting me ” “I’ m proud of you ” “You ’ re brave ” “Is there anything else you want to share with me about it?”

Scan this QR code to find Stonewall’s guide on how to become a better ally

To join Be You, contact Mr Ahmed aahmed@eastbournecollege.co.uk You do not have to be a member of the community to be in the group.