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SYDNEY’S CREATIVE MELTING POT ART.PHOTOGRAPHY MUSIC.DESIGN | FREE SPITPRESS.COM APR/MAY
Seekae Peter Cagnacci An interview with the A smokey photoposter boys of Sydney’s documentary. electronic music scene
MICROWAVE CHEFS? Generation wh(Y) Cook and Culinary Catastrophe
AND The Waifs, Hair and Make Up artist Amelia Axton, The Little Stevies, Bobo from Cypress Hill, Document1, Hardware Gallery and lots more!
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APR/MAY
4. Editorial 6. Spit Bucket 8. Faces 10. Seekae 12. Blowing Smoke 14. Document1 16. Smokin’ Make Up Artist Amelia Axton 20. Small Gallery, Big Smoke 22. Smoke & Mirrors 24. Creative Profile: Jessica Minervini-Eringa 25. The Waifs 29. Ariel Books 30. Two Baked Pooseys 31. The Little Stevies 32. Don’t Blame Mary Jane 33. Come On Kids, Die Young 40. Inhale the Pain 45. Generation wh(Y) Cook 46. Culinary Catastrophe
opinion
about/work
LOCAL The Spit Press Team Publisher - Spit Press Media Managing Editor & Advertising - Tym Yee tym@spitpress.com Head Designer - Chumpy chumpy@spitpress.com Assistant Editor & Submissions - India McDonough india@spitpress.com Blog Editors - Caitlyn Adamson, Angela Nolimaio caitlyn@spitpress.com angela@spitpress.com Spit Press TV - Grace Tan grace@spitpress.com Senior Contributors: Adam Byrne, Caitlyn Adamson, Edwina Storie, Sally Rawsthorne, Holly Friedlander, Chloe Hazelwood, Sasha Gover, Sophie Begley 2 | THE SPIT PRESS | www.spitpress.com | ISSUE 7
Contributors: Peter Cagnacci, Anne Rutherford, Dan Statz, Georgie Windrum, Elisha Kennedy, Erin Holohan, Charlotte Farrell Scream Hi! www.spitpress.com / info@spitpress / submissions@spitpress.com Facebook: TheSpit Press. Facebook fanpage: facebook.com/ spitpressfb Twitter @spitpress Cover: Photographer - Peter Cagnacci Model - Jack Gunton Assistant - Will Gunton Printed by Spotpress Distribution by Active Promotions
The Spit Press is published bi-monthly by Spit Press Media. The opinions expressed by individual contributors are not necessarily those of The Spit Press staff. All of the content in this issue of The Spit Press is artistic opinion, expression and interpretation of the theme Smoke. In no way does The Spit Press or its staff encourage smoking. For more information visit spitpress.com or email info@spitpress.com WHEREVER YOU ARE, HAVE A RAD ONE!
Please the trees.
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Smoke In a lecture that one of us was in recently, the lecturer asked his entire theatre “Who the fuck reads indie media?” When no one raised their hand he followed up with “Yeah…exactly.” Without categorising or labeling our magazine ‘indie’ (because we know it would lead to a shit storm of confusion and self hatred) we thought about what had been said. We can tell you everything there is to know about this magazine, except for who reads us. We can attempt to stalk you on Facebook, follow you on Twitter and read all the data that comes through from our online platforms, but we can’t honestly say that we know you. This has got to stop. We’re determined to be the first street press to actually give a shit about its readers and as a result, we would like to meet you. We’re having a birthday party on the 7th of May to celebrate our 1st anniversary of publishing and you’re invited! All the details can be found on the back cover of this issue. You’ll enjoy music from The Little Stevies, Gossling and Emma Davis and chill with our humble under-staffed team. Presale tickets are just $15 + bf from thevanguard.com.au and all money raised will go back into printing the magazine. But the good news keeps on coming! We’ve just launched our iPad App which you can download for free from the Apple App Store or iTunes and we’ve also hooked up with a distribution company - so you’ll be able to find us in over 130 locations around Newtown, Enmore, Glebe, Camperdown, Broadway, Sydney’s East/Kings Cross, Darlinghurst, Surry Hills, Paddington, Bondi, Randwick and the CBD. It’s time to lift the smoke, Tym & India.
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SPIT BUCKET
+Dome Seekae’s new album +Dome, the follow up to their critically acclaimed debut album The Sound of Trees Falling on People certainly lives up to its expectations. +Dome sees the Sydney Trio continue their odyssey through the electronica soundscape that they know all too well. Their picturesque melodies and ambient dreamscape beats are consistent throughout the album along with
Heartbreaker Do you have a friend going out with a schmuck? What you need is a professional heartbreaker - an irresistible man that can break up an unhappy relationship and save loved ones from an unsavoury life ahead. Heartbreaker is a modern romantic comedy
more glitch, hip-hop and beat driven tracks. Although elements of their previous works are evident, there is a definite evolution in sound with some new instrumentation most notably guitar on tracks such as “You’ll” and “Go”. +Dome flows well and demonstrates a real avant-garde sound. It’s not hard to see why they are one of the most popular electro acts in Sydney
with the charm of classic Hollywood fare from yesteryear, as it combines the glamour of To Catch A Thief with irresistible contemporary hi-jinks and pop culture references. Set amongst luxe locations in the South of France, this is a winning story of love, reminding us of the beauty of a free spirit versus predictability. Thanks to our good friends at Hopscotch Entertainment, we have three DVD copies of Heartbreaker up for grabs. All you have to do is email us at info@spitpress.com and tell us in 25 words or less how you would stop your friend from dating a schmuck and we’ll pick the most creative answers as winners. Closes 29th of April, 2011.
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Lissa This Sydney based singer/ songwriter is finally starting to embrace the words that fans use to describe her; cute, tiny, happy and sweet. Lissa’s music is not dissimilar and honestly reveals itself through her unique voice and song writing. 2010 was an exciting year for Lissa, playing at numerous venues in and around Sydney including the support spot for Anthony Snape at Lizotte’s, and performing at music festivals in Port Macquarie and Toowoomba, Queensland. She also launched her EP ‘small steps - Part One’ in May to a sold out crowd. Now, in 2011, ‘small steps - Part Two’ has made its arrival. Launched at The Vanguard in March, Lissa’s keen sense of melody, intriguing harmony, genuine expression and delight is sure to grab your heart.
Heartbeats - Exclusive to Dendy Newtown Francis (Xavier Dolan) and Marie (Monia Chokri) are best friends and seemingly have it all – youth, good looks and style in abundance. One night they meet Nicolas (Niels Schneider), newly arrived in Montreal from the country, and they both fall instantly for this beautiful young man. As one rendezvous leads to another, from dinners to trips to the countryside, each of the two friends slides deeper into fantasies around the same object of desire. Soon, they find themselves on the precipice of a love duel that threatens the friendship they once thought indestructible. Win one of 10 double passes to HEARTBEATS, directed by Cannes Film Festival winner Xavier Dolan. Only at Dendy Newtown from March 31. To win a double pass email info@ spitpress.com and tell us in 25 words or less what your object of desire is and why, and we’ll pick the most creative answers as winners!
Phatchance After a year packed with a massive touring schedule, including two national headline tours and supports for heavyweight acts like Method Man & Redman, DJ Premier and The Beatnuts; Australian indie hip-hop artist Phatchance is ringing in 2011 with the release of a unique, acoustic hip-hop offering titled ‘Inkstains (Acoustic)’. Crowned Triple J Unearthed, myspace.com and SBA Music’s Featured Artist as well as packing out venues nationally on his ‘Inkstains’ and ‘I Forget, Sorry! 2010’ tours, Phatchance has quickly become Sydney’s biggest unsigned hip-hop artist. The EP takes cues from the indie-folk revival and features instrumentation and harmony work reminiscent of Laura Marling, Boy & Bear and Mumford & Sons.
Ex-Trendy The charming theatrics of Sydney band Ex-Trendy is infectious. Their EP, Losing Business opens with Robbie Ho’s delicious caramelcrooning, tempered by Matte Rochford’s Robert-Smith-meets-aBeatles-love-child vocals. The recording peaks at the track ‘Battery Low’, where Rochford’s vocals have a gutteral, primordial edge. The lyrics “I have a habit of destroying the things I love and losing them/ I cut them up with scissors, put them in a treehouse and then it rains,” showcases the poetics of their song writing, which clings to you long after you’ve finished listening. Ex-Trendy’s EP ‘Losing Business’ is released independently, available in selected record stores.
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FACES Why do you smoke?
Thomas:
Phoebe:
Eduardo:
John:
“It’s something I started doing in high school and couldn’t stop.”
“I don’t want my mum to see this so I won’t show my face. But when I’m at work, sometimes I just need to get outside and smoke until I’m ready to face work again.”
“Sometimes, when I’m feeling insecure, I like to hide behind a cigarette.”
“It’s just something to do to pass the time, something to hold in my hand at parties.”
Dan:
Haris:
Bec:
Anna:
“When I was in the U.S, the smokes were so cheap, I just started buying them and got hooked!”
“It’s a filthy, disgusting, smelly habit and I like it!”
“It helps me deal with my anxiety. And I enjoy it.”
“It annoys my mum.”
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SEEKAE With Seekae’s second album +Dome safely completed, John Hassell took some time out to chat with Holly Friedlander about plans for the future, the changing nature of Sydney’s music scene and the importance of wet T-shirt competitions. After the success of The Sound of Trees Falling on People, did you feel any pressure during the creation of +Dome? I guess so. A lot of what the pressure seemed to be was not so much what other people would think of it, but whether we would make something we were happy with again. The first record was so fractured. We had made tracks over the course of three years, [but] with this one, we needed to make it more as a band and that was going to take a lot of time to get used to. It felt quite pressured, you know, but we feel that we’ve done a good job and hopefully people like it. I was recently reading an interview with Ivan Vizintin, lead singer of Sydney band Ghoul, and he mentioned that you have a running joke that you’re going to do an EP together. Do you think that could eventuate one day? (Laughs) I actually read that as well! I sent him a message [saying] “Have you seen what Pedestrian [TV] posted up? Maybe we should get this actually happening now.” And it’s one of those things, as he said, we do have a running joke, but we are always so busy. However, we decided we are going to definitely release something, whether it’s an EP or a single, by the end of this year. How did you guys first get together and start playing music? We’ve been in close proximity of each other without really knowing it. I went to school with Alex, the drummer, and Alex went to primary school with George, and I never knew George, but we all met up at Schoolies, at a wet T-Shirt competition. (Laughs) It’s really quite sad.
it was still coming off the back of the ‘indie’ genre, so people [were] wearing tight jeans and shirts where they had rolled up the sleeves and [they had] cool haircuts. I think a lot of people still have that, but it seems people have traded their guitars for synthesisers. A lot of people see Seekae and maybe Ghoul and a few other bands as being the pioneers of Sydney electronic music. What do you think about that? I think it’s strange to hear, because we know so many people who make music and have just done far more interesting things before us, they just don’t want to release it for some reason. People seem too scared to just get their music out there, and I think that’s the only thing [that differentiates us], because people who really looked into Myspace would find far more interesting things, or pioneering things electronically, than we are. I guess it’s just about people finding their confidence, I mean, there is such an emerging scene at the moment, all of these small, electronic acts, that are starting to come through and find their feet a bit. Yeah, they are starting to come out. There are a lot of programs happening, like ‘The NOW Now’, and magazines like ‘Cyclic Defrost’ and blogs and ‘New Weird Australia’ who are starting to bring these people out and give them the recognition they deserve. When we came in, we all used to be in a rock band, so we’d done the gig circuit before. We’ve just replaced all our instruments. What was your rock band name, if you don’t mind me asking?
Do you feel that living in the ‘Big Smoke’ that is Sydney influences your work a lot? J: Yeah, with this album, I would say Sydney’s influenced us. It’s hard not to try and write something a bit more uplifting, or happy, because the weather is so good! I mean, I’m from England, so I’m so used to it being dull and depressing all the time. That’s why there is so much droney fucking emotional music from there, because it’s such a depressing atmosphere. For us, life’s pretty good, and you have to try and figure out what’s the best way of taking parts of where you live and putting it into your music. How have you seen Sydney’s music scene evolve in the past 2 years? It’s definitely become more electronic. When I was first here, when I started really paying attention to it, which was about two years ago,
(Laughs) Oh no. It was Songs for Surgery. Don’t you ever look it up on Myspace, there’s some really bad music. Oh, well, you’ve just given me a challenge now. (More laughter) Oh no! I’m going to click the delete button right now. Where do you hope your music will take you? Well we’re planning to go overseas in May, so I guess it’s already taking us there. All the music we love is from Europe and it would just be fantastic to go over there, see all the artists we love, support them, and see what they think about our music. I think it would be great to live off our music as well. We’re not really good at anything else (Laughs). We would love if it would take us through to the day we die. THE SPIT PRESS | www.spitpress.com | ISSUE 7 | 11
BLOWING SMOKE Quite recently I’ve mastered the art of ‘glazing’. Without too much added complexity this means that now I’m able to completely zone out of an uninteresting or insufferably lame conversation...without anybody realising. Caitlyn Adamson writes It’s quite simple really. All you have to do is follow these steps:
such depth and understanding. Well done, sir, you passed one of the Glazer’s greatest tests. 1) Never EVER yawn. It destroys the facade. In fact don’t show any However a Glazer must be prepared. Sometimes we’ll get caught sign to the converser that you’ve lost interest. Nail biting? No. Hair out and we’ll have to grovel for another chance and then, just when twirling? No. Heavy sighs? Hell no. Screams of unbearable boredom? we’re almost forgiven, we’ll accidentally glaze again...it’s a vicious Maybe. cycle. One of your greatest challenges, however, will come when you’re face to face with someone blowing smoke up their arse. 2) Look directly at them. Not always in the eyes. That verges on Smoke blowers – and not of the tobacco sort – are probably the creep. Just gaze bewilderingly at their general facial area. This area glazing populations’ most mortal enemy. I mean sure we know how to is zen. It maintains interest and intimacy with a hint of distance and tune in and out of conversations that we pick and choose, but when affection. While you are balancing this space occasionally add a non confronted with these fiends of nature we find ourselves wondering aggressive “yeah” or “mmm” or head nod. Subtle, but effective. “How is this absurd arrogance infiltrating my ears?!”. In fact I recently found myself in the midst of this very kind of 3) Imagine you’re a mirror. This means, if your converser is happy, be conversation and, instead of glazing away when the conversation happy back. If they look upset, look upset too. If they’re angry, slam doesn’t revolve around something like bands or directors or start with your fist on the table. And if they laugh, you had better chortle away! “This one time my cat...”, I was becoming increasing and increasingly Massage the face daily in order to sustain the strains of such activities. aggravated at the swelling ego that stood in front of me. Sure us Glazers have our faults, we might have attention spans of fleas and be 4) If ever you find yourself in the disturbance of a blissful glaze caused easily bored by monotone and conversations with no depth. But when by the asking of a question all one needs to do is repeat the following it’s crunch time we can listen the hell out of your story. statement- brace yourself children, this will blow your mind- “Oh, well. But keep your panties on my young Glaze padawans. Anger isn’t You know. That’s a complicated question...” the answer. And violence doesn’t work 9 times out of 10. When next you are faced with the sheer terror of a smoke blower, merely follow the *Sounds of awe*. If it is a complicated question, the converser will wisdom I am about to bestow upon you and your whimsical glazing appreciate the fact that you recognise this and they are already starting days will be undisturbed once again. Breathe, raise your eyebrows to feel comforted. If it isn’t a complicated question, the converser will slowly and simply say “sure...”. be impressed that you think even the most fickle of situations need Now please, let me glaze in peace.
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Tiger Got to Hunt, Bird Got to Fly Georgie Windrum and Elisha Kennedy are two local creatives off on an overseas journey of art and adventure. Riding on a wave of enthusiasm and great ideas, we can’t wait to see what these young dynamos create with Document1, Berlin. For a whole 10 months we sat on a balcony in Erskineville with a punnet of strawberries and a mug of earl grey ‘talkin’ bout our generation’. Honestly, in hindsight that’s pretty much all we talked about. Sure we went out, studied, spent whole days watching David Attenborough’s ‘Planet Earth’ - but it would always come back to that same balcony. Many say that our generation lacks creativity, that what we ‘create’ is just a ‘re-creation’ of things past. We feel this is an awfully narrow point of view that can be disproved behind any number of doors. (We would be happy to provide you with addresses should you doubt this.) Our generation has a plethora of street-style photographers, musicians, bloggers and creative aspirers. So where are they all? Often it seems like loose ends, sometimes tangled together but relatively lost in a general web of cyberspace perceived to be far too out of touch with reality. It seems that creativity is constantly thriving, but in the sea of desperation to be recognized, to make it big - where is the sense of community? The true respect for natural expression and the beauty of collaboration is too often overrun by the anonymity of the Internet and the danger of instant and fleeting fame. You can join an online community, exhibit your work, make and receive comments, gain followers – but what lies beneath these anonymous profiles are real people channeling raw, fearless creative energy- something we should take advantage of. Imagine walking into a space that’s just like an enormous Internet server full of people creating, sharing and learning without fear. To
have unknowingly found ourselves amongst a new movement in creativity and so we’re going to let it run wild. Document 1 is about feeding the cultural evolution and breaking down walls: breaking distance, age and ethnic barriers whilst developing a balance between online expression and physical reality, and breaking away from exclusivity to encourage participatory creative work, fostering an environment of artistic respect and opportunity. A space that is constantly realizing and recreating itself, gaining new members and more voices, whilst maintaining the simplicity of supporting individuals. It isn’t restricted to a single style, idea or place – something indefinite. A blank document where you can create, cut and paste, re-arrange, re-visit, multiply and distribute. Document 1 will be somewhat like a creative circus. An exhibition of unique, like-you’ve-never-seen-before talents that will re-locate itself across the globe as well as on the web. So far we’ve built up a base of Australian, American and Canadian creative contacts, who will help the concept come alive in the European spring. The Berlinbased commercial space will encompass aspects of a work studio, exhibition space, retail store / café, hangout and event location with a low-key atmosphere. We’re not placing any limitations on this movement or the direction it will take. We are in the process of gathering a creative force that will continue to emerge and manifest in different places, with different voices and with different feelings to express. You can follow our blog - document1blog.blogspot.com - and check out our supporters and collaborators like fashion and fine art photographer Hyun Lee, writer Roxanne Groebel and singer-songwriter La’i Dowsett. (They’re pretty
comment on something and have an instant verbal reply with eye contact. To work and publish amongst work of infinite variety. We
darn talented). So, get to a computer, get involved and submit your ideas – document1.yolasite.com. We want to meet you!
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A FILM BY
PASCAL CHAUMEIL
“A romantic-comedy that packs charm, humour and warmth in spades.” E M P I R E M AG A Z I N E
“Laugh out loud funny and utterly chic.” VOGUE
AVAILABLE ON DVD MAY 19
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Smokin’ Make Up Artist Amelia Axton I have been doing makeup now for almost 3 and a half years. I’ve always been artistic, even through high school I sold my paintings in galleries. I studied at a little makeup college in Brisbane, and then moved to Sydney to further my career and assist Australia’s top makeup artists such as the incredible Rae Morris - an amazing role model who I have learnt so much from. I was in the top four in Australia for Cleo Magazine’s “Make me a Makeup Artist” competition. Magazines I have worked for include Grazia, DOLLY, Men’s Health and Culture. Advertising clients include - Triumph Lingerie, Lorna Jane, Gary Yang, Mink Pink & SENSO. My goal is to be travelling and working with other creatives who love what they do, and doing makeup for runway shows and high end labels around the world. I absolutely love my job. Being a hair and makeup artist, you are doing something new and exciting every day. From runway to television and fashion photoshoots, even making every day women feel amazing for a special occasion. Each job is so rewarding. Every time I do someone’s makeup I still get excited as I see it all come together, using colour, contouring and highlights you can completely transform and enhance people’s natural features, and you can see how it instantly makes them feel more confident.
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Small Gallery, Big Smoke. Hardware Gallery is a commercial art gallery and performance space located in Enmore, Sydney. Alongside the exhibition program it houses the Record Room and hosts Sound Series, a monthly night of experimental and exploratory music. It is a place where the artists are the stars and Hardware works for them, not the other way around. Tym Yee asked director Lew Palaitis...
T: There are a lot of small galleries around Sydney, what makes Hardware different? L: I think what separates us from many other spaces is that we are neither an ARI or a traditional commercial gallery. At our core, we are a commercial gallery - we carefully select artists to participate in our exhibition program and manage every aspect of their marketing, sales and curation of exhibitions. We also have a large stockroom of up to 500 artworks. However, we have never in our 11 years of operation demanded any form of exclusive representation of artists who exhibit with us. One of our goals has been to encourage artists to maintain their independence. This is one of the big reasons why I didn’t go down the normal route and just name the gallery after myself when I set it up. And we are also a little bit different because we have a used record store here inside the gallery...and a bar...and a DJ booth.
bargain hunting. One time on the way back from France, I got pinged for $1200 excess baggage. These days, I have tried to sift my personal collection down to around 3-4 thousand, which was really hard, but made moving house easier. T: What kind of art does Hardware exhibit and why?
L: In the past few years we have opened up our selection policies a great deal to embrace all forms of art and all mediums. Ranging from traditional mediums such as painting right through to installations and conceptual pieces, and performance art through the Sound Series. Previously we had focused heavily on 2D works and the main two mediums we looked at were painting and printmaking. The reason for the change was more about a shift in focus from: not just the art, but the artist. It might sound odd, but a lot of what we look for in our exhibitions is the skills, commitment and level of T: Can you tell us a little bit about your professionalism of the artist themselves. I’ve seen record collection? a shift over the past ten years that suggests its no longer enough for an artist to just make art. L: Oh dear. I have too many! By the time I set We look for artists who are not only creative up the Record Room here at the gallery, my and make great art, but are also reliable, own collection of vinyl had reached somewhere professional and super well organised. between ten and twelve thousand. It was a bit absurd. I’ve been collecting records since T: How do visitors interact with your space around 1990, originally focused on dance and the art works within it? and electronic. Over the years I progressed from spending my weekends at shops here L: The first step is to actually get the people in Sydney, to buying and selling online and through the door. Nobody is going to come travelling overseas quite often and doing some in just because you have a sign up saying
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art gallery. So we work really hard on the marketing to ensure the number of people coming through is always high. Once they are here, we make an effort to make them feel relaxed enough to properly engage with the exhibitions. Sometimes visitors are happy to keep to themselves, study the work, read about it and chat amongst themselves. Other times, people want to ask questions, meet the artist or engage in long discussions about what they have seen or what they think. One piece of consistent feedback I receive that makes me really proud of what we have achieved is that people say they always feel welcome when they walk into Hardware Gallery - everyone gets a ‘hello’ when they arrive. T: Will there be any events or shows in April? L: Sure will be. Opening on Tuesday 5th will be a split solo show by Andrew Ensor and Beth Josey. Both artists have shown at Hardware in group shows in the past and this will be the first time I get to work with them on a solo project - their work is awesome. They are artists to keep your eye on over the next few years - check our website hardwaregallery. com.au for more details. Their exhibition runs right up to Easter. We also have Sound Series #12 on Friday 15th, our next installment of sound performance. Oh, and it will also be the deadline for submissions to be received for Medium: Vinyl exhibition, which opens next month in May. It’s our annual art on vinyl show with over 200 artists from around Australia and around the world.
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Smoke & Mirrors “When I travelled to Africa, I had a goal to reinvent myself – to find myself and to be complete with who I am. I went to discover if I’m gay or if I’m straight, And if I’m gay, the plan was then to come out and to admit it and come back as a different person.” Edwina Storie was curious and asked Yotam more about his story...
I have never had to sit my parents down and say to them “Mum, Dad… I’m heterosexual.” I have never had to explain my sex life or my preferences for one the most intimate of human acts to friends and family, or prove that it is not ‘just a phase’. It baffles me that homosexuality is something that must be confessed to and justified. Two years ago when travelling through Africa, I met an Israeli guy called Yotam and a girl called Yael who were camping through Ethiopia, Tanzania, Mozambique and beyond. Carrying one tent and all their supplies on their backs, they trekked, bussed and climbed through the bustling dirt roads, cliff-lined coasts and rocky mountains of their journey. Every traveller I had met in Africa had a purpose for their adventure – whether it be to sit with the gorillas in the Ugandan jungle, swim with the whale shark of Mozambique, or climb Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. Not until two years on, when my conversation with Yotam has now moved from the maze-like paths of a village in
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Mozambique, to a digital Skype call over our laptops, did I realise that there were some travellers with destinations that had no geographical coordinates. ‘Coming out’ seems to have its own journey. Whilst the rest of us are following the norms of boy meets girl, others are having to keep up a façade, or strain their eyes to see through the smoke to who they are, and why they don’t fit with the majority. Over this Skype call that stretches our voices 14,000 kilometres from a small town in Northern Israel to Sydney, Yotam explains the wrestling of his hazy sexuality. Taunts at school for ‘being gay’ hadn’t made sense when sexuality wasn’t of interest. As life progressed, boys had seemed less threatening, less fickle, and easier to approach. But being dragged into a group of experimental acquaintances, his experiences with homosexuality were drenched in guilt. “The first time when I did it, I felt really bad… like I have to take a shower and I have to wash everything all over me – I was disgusted by myself.”
But with time the dates became more and more regular, and his life more disjointed between the two roles he would play. “Around my parents and my close friends I had to hide my real me … It was very… it wasn’t true. And to my mother if I went out on Friday and she used to ask me ‘Where are you going?’ And I would put up some lies and… it was very… uncomfortable - lying to my mother. I felt like I had to be ashamed of what I am doing. And when I met those strangers it wasn’t really me either because it was just like sexual content. There was really nothing else.” The trip through Africa became an escape from one world to define who he would be when he eventually returned. “We met some Israeli guys and they ask me ‘How is it to share a tent with a girl?’ and I said ‘Well it’s like sharing a tent with a guy.’ I didn’t really [think] about what’s behind the meaning of sharing a tent with a girl or what can happen, because it was never there …”
Then comes this need for admission. This ‘confession’ that has to be made not only personally, but to friends and family – the explanation having to be repeated over and over. There is a need to justify sexuality to the people whose opinion matters the most – but who should care the least. “I look at myself now, and looking back and it’s two different personalities… I felt trapped in the world in which people think I’m straight and I have to act and behave along those behavioural codes. And trapped in the world in which I’m meeting some complete stranger just to have sex and then go away and have to deal with this in the other world… I didn’t choose it... It’s like a bomb that fell on me… Nobody would choose this. No body wants to be a minority… But I’m done justifying myself. I have a boyfriend who I love deeply and it’s good for me. Because right now, when it’s out there and I feel comfortable having my boyfriend in my house - at my parents house next to the table… it’s… it’s pure joy.” THE SPIT PRESS | www.spitpress.com | ISSUE 7 | 23
Creative Profile: Jessica Minervini-Eringa Jessica Minervini-Eringa is a Sydney based artist who is about to undertake her honours year at Sydney College of the Arts, majoring in Printmedia. For the moment she mainly works with screenprints and papercraft. Always enjoying the process of creating, her works are often as much about the creation as the finished product itself. This is most evident in her current project, translating long forgotten photographs into CMYK screenprints. CMYK referring to the four inks used in colour printing: cyan, magenta, yellow and black. For Jessica inspiration comes from her travels, old photographs, phrases that get caught up in her head, music, books and the many brilliant blogs that are out there. She is an active member in the rah collective which is an awesome group of people who are there to encourage and inspire each other in the tough task of breaking into the Sydney art scene. They have 3 shows already lined up for the second half of this year and are also publishing a book of emerging and student artists to be released mid year. Should you want to see more of her work head over to www.rahcollective.com/jessica
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THE WAIFS One of Australia’s most celebrated and cherished musical icons The Waifs have taken an inspiring journey that has seen them go from small town Western Australia to The Big Smoke and back again. 19 years on and having just released their 6th studio album Temptation, Vikki Thorne told Tym Yee about living in North America, touring with Bob Dylan, family life and everything in between.
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THE WAIFS
T: Tell me, where have you guys been for the past 4 years? V: Well, we’ve all ended up in The States. I live in Southern Utah; Donna lives in Minnesota and Josh lives in California. We see each other from time to time but, you know, we’ve got families and other stuff going on. It’s different having kids. For the past 4 or 5 years we’ve stopped focusing on our music careers and started looking at it more as a hobby and something we feel really fortunate to be able to do. When we have the time we can call an agent or jet out to a festival and play a gig and then go home again. This album we’ve recently released, Temptation, came about through the tour we did in 2010 in The States. We had a couple of offers from festivals and when we got together we had a heap of songs that we’d written individually and started playing to each other. T: What was it like coming together again after focusing on all of the other things going on in your life? V: It’s fantastic. I live in a small town and I play music with my husband just for fun around the house and we have jam sessions with a lot of other musicians in town. But when I got together with Josh and Donna and Dave and Ben, people that I’ve been playing music professionally with for 19 years, it just astounded me how well and quickly everything gelled. Everybody knew their place and their parts… how naturally it all flowed to make the music. I forget that because we do it so rarely now, you know, we get together once every 1 or 2 years. It’s just wonderful to still be a part of that experience. It’s just getting better and better... It’s a lot more enjoyable all round.
I mean, it didn’t actually stop, but it went back to about 6 months a year instead of 10 months a year. Gradually over the past 6 years it’s been less and less. Touring has changed as we’ve earned more money on tours so we’ve been able to make it more comfortable in terms of getting our own hotel rooms and we could bring along family members so we weren’t always pining for partners and kids. And more than that just being able to pick and choose better venues, better sound systems, having a crew, just making it more enjoyable for everybody by easing up the pressures. Early days touring we used to take our own PA set up, do our own sound mixes from the side of the stage, pack down the PA at the end… I mean, that’s really early days. Can you imagine, we used to have to tune our own guitars (laughs). T: On your last day of school your sister Donna picked you up in a Kombi van and asked you to travel with her… V: No, it wasn’t a Kombi, that is a myth! That’s one of those things that has totally become a myth… it was this ugly and old HiAce (more laughter). T: Well, I won’t ruin the dreamy image in my head… but what was going through your mind when you decided to travel and tour? We’re glad you did…
V: I was just out of school and I’d failed my TER subjects and I just wanted to get out of there and have an adventure and get into the pub basically (laughs). But seriously, that was my motive. I was pretty clueless, very young and just wanting to see what life was all about. Donna, she’d already been in the work force for a couple of years and had a 9-5 job. She knew what the daily grind T:You’ve been on the road for most of your was and she was a lot more motivated to professional music career and getting make things happen in terms of just getting together once or twice a year now, has the out of that grind and creating a different touring experience changed a lot? reality for herself, but I was clueless to all of that. I just tagged along. She made all V: Yeah. I’d say for the first 10 to 12 years the money, did all the deals with pubs, got we were on the road most of the time. the gigs and I was just a little sister tagging That all stopped when I had my first child, along for the ride and that was the case for 26 | THE SPIT PRESS | www.spitpress.com | ISSUE 7
at least the first couple of years. After Josh joined the band and we started writing our own songs we realised that actually, we couldn’t join the daily grind or get a 9-5 job anymore because I wasn’t qualified in anything (more laughter). So, I had no option but to knuckle down and try and make it in the music industry. We’d come so far and devoted so much time to it already that it was the obvious career choice for all of us. Back then the live music pub scene was still very vibrant. T: From that scene, did you ever think your music would take you to where you are today? V: Um, no. I mean I always say no, but maybe in the back of my head we had hopes because we certainly had enough drive and ambition to keep about it when it was very difficult – when we weren’t getting along and we didn’t make any money, the gigs were shitty, but something kept us going. Whether that was a love for what we’re doing or whether it was ambition or because we had no other choice I couldn’t really tell you. V: How did you get through those low points? V: Touring became our 9-5 job basically. We were doing what we needed to do to survive and fortunately it involved music and music was the thing that we loved to do – I love to perform and so do Donna and Josh, so at the root of it we were doing what we loved and for that reason it was worth getting through those times. And when I say those times, it took 10 years of traveling pretty much on the bones of our ass, but it all brought new experiences. When our manager, Phil Stephens, who is still our manager, and John Butler’s manager, and started the whole Jarrah Records thing, when he walked into the picture we were already doing national tours and selling albums ourselves, but he sort of said, well we can take this somewhere else and I can alleviate this thing. We were very suspicious and didn’t want to give up what we had
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THE WAIFS
worked for. This was coming out of the 80’s where I know in the Australian music industry there were some horrific stories of managers and record companies ripping bands off, so we came out of that school where we had only heard warnings from people. I don’t think we really did believe that it could go any further. As far as we were concerned we were successful because we were touring and selling albums and making money and we didn’t think it could go any further. When he stepped in a couple of things fell into place and we put out an album and he got it on the radio, London Still, released a single… you know we didn’t really know what a single was at that point. T: Those are humble beginnings, but it’s really good that you found the right catalyst for you… V: Oh yeah, and then we went overseas and that was the stuff we never dreamed of. Yesterday I went to visit an old friend and she said I’ve got something for you that’s really special. She came out with this Bob Dylan songbook which I think Donna had stolen from the high school library that we both learnt our first songs out of. It’s tattered and torn and has got about 200 Bob Dylan songs in it and chord charts and it just brought back this flood of memories of us sitting in this caravan on the beach where we grew up, working out the chords to these songs. Obviously, 15 years later, I had no idea that we would be singing with that man or touring with him (laughs). I mean, you can’t possibly imagine anything like that!
There was a long time that I was actually in a relationship with Josh, so Donna was the one left out, and we had all these other band dynamics that we used to carry onstage - all that, thankfully, has gone and long past. What we’re left with is very solid and loving relationships where we appreciate each other. I love the songs they write and I love playing music with them. We don’t see a lot of each other anymore. We’ve got different lives but it’s brought us together – a lot closer in other ways.
I always still envision my future at some point in Australia. Right now though I love being in The States, being in a foreign environment and landscape. I don’t live in a city, I live out in the bush where there’s a bunch of wild beasts roaming around and I love that (laughs). I love the seasons and the landscape. It’s still really new to me. I don’t think as far as The Waifs goes that we’ll collectively ever settle, I can’t see it at this point. It’s strange because when we started we were such an Australian band in our T: Speaking of loving relationships, you have ethos – the music we wrote about and the two kids now… countryside and the experience was all very Australian. Other people might see that now V: Yeah… but who said anything about loving that’s not as prevalent in our music; I’m too relationships (laughs). Yeah I’ve got 2 and 1 close to hear the change but other people on the way actually. might see it. T: Being a fisherman’s daughter in Western Australia had such a profound impact on your music and lyrics. Do you think your children will have a similarly unique childhood like that?
T: I’ve romanticized that for them but I haven’t made a reality of it. My husband and I are trying to work out how we can create that environment for our children because you have these ideals as parents of how you want to bring your kids up, but the reality is that you still struggle with day to day stuff like getting the taps fixed. Before you know it you’ve created something that wasn’t what you intended. Matt and I play music together and I think the kids, certainly for the first 3 years of their lives, they were exposed to a lot of music. I’ve always wanted to create one of those families where T: I can’t imagine what that must have felt all you did every Saturday night is- you didn’t like. You once referred to The Waifs as ‘two own a TV- and you just sat around playing chicks and the guy in the middle’. What is music. That was the family I thought we’d be the relationship like between yourself, Donna but we’re a little bit more normal and average and Josh now that you’ve all settled down all (more laughter). We don’t own a TV…but these years later? DVD’s are handy. V: It’s good. There were always some funny dynamics between Donna and I which were well known, we used to take it on stage and use it a bit, people sort of enjoyed this bickering and bitching that used to go on onstage, and Josh was physically and emotionally in between that continually. 28 | THE SPIT PRESS | www.spitpress.com | ISSUE 7
T: Well it’s good to hear you still have your Aussie accent, otherwise that would be a true loss. V: (Laughs). Otherwise people would forsake us altogether, wouldn’t they? T: I think so. Finally, what’s in store for the future of The Waifs? V: Well, we just take it on a year-to-year basis now. We talked a lot about should this be our last album? Should we tell everybody it’s our last album? Will this be our last ever tour? But those were questions we couldn’t even answer ourselves because all we really know is that we love playing together and if there’s an opportunity to do that in the future then we’ll most definitely take it, it’s just that those opportunities are becoming much rarer… so who knows. But we have to at least make it to 20, which would be next year. I imagine we’d do a big 20th anniversary tour. I have fantasies of hitting the road in a camper van and playing every little town that we come across.
T: For such iconic Australian musicians, it has been a bit of a loss having you guys over in T: The camper van might have to be the The States. Will you be coming back at any size of a large bus with the family and point or are you over there permanently? everything else in tow… V: As a band I couldn’t tell you because we’re on our individual paths, but for me personally
V: Or we’ll just take a jet plane, what the hell (both laugh).
ARIEL BOOKS Literature is one of those universal delights that people from all walks of life can indulge in. Chloe Hazelwood swoons over one of our favourite little book havens. I’ll never forget story time with a teacher from my early years, holding the astonished gaze of twenty-five children as she opened the cover and breathed in the scent of an old or new book, rubbing the pages lightly. This turned reading into a truly tangible experience. Now that school days have passed and the magical “Book Week” is no longer on my calendar, I’ve taken to meandering through bookstores to get my fix of these wonderful little bundles of paper that tell stories from all corners of the imagination, fictional or factual. One such splendid place is located in an area the locals call ‘Paddinghurst’, nestled between Darlinghurst and Paddington on Oxford St - the cultural epicentre of Sydney. It goes by the ethereal title of Ariel Books. Steven and the team at Ariel endeavour to create an environment for the customer that transcends that of other book retailers. “The key comment we get is how interesting and unusual the selection of books are,” he says. I ask him what made ‘Paddinghurst’ an ideal choice of location back in 1985 when Ariel was established. “It has always attracted an eclectic crowd who are interested in art and new ideas.” If you haven’t had the pleasure of visiting yet, Steven sums it up for you. “Ariel has been designed to make choosing a book a pleasurable experience, with warm lighting and interesting background music. Our staff enjoy interacting with customers and helping with their enquiries and questions. Our book buyers are, we believe, some of the best in the world; they are always looking out for interesting titles and new authors for our customers. It is a place to seek, discover, and have fun.”
Anyone looking to tap into the mindgrapes of writing masters will surely embark on a satisfying learning journey throughout the aisles of Ariel. The store also prides itself on featuring myriad art, design and photography titles, as well as “design and gift items from all over the world.” Seriously, if I could take my bed and personal effects and set them up in a cosy little corner of the store, I most certainly would. The staff wouldn’t mind someone inhabiting the space, would they? I wouldn’t make much noise, as I’d have my nose buried in books 24/7. In a perfect world, this is how our living quarters would be. What is the demographic of Ariel’s customers? Steven offers a wise and concise response; “We please those interested in art ideas and the power of the written word.” If you’re slightly pressed for time or would like to browse from home, Ariel Books online offers an advanced search option for the entire range of local and internationally published books available. With a quick click of the mouse and a couple of taps on your keyboard, you can order titles and wait with breathless anticipation until they reach your mailbox. Are there plans to open more stores in Sydney? “No… not at this stage but stay tuned, our website is about to be a lot more interactive.” This is a rather modest statement when there is already a stack of original gift ideas, thoughtful staff reviews and exclusive special offers filling it to the brim. Peruse www.arielbooks.com.au and then head to the store and see what makes it so delightful!
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featuring
Baked Eggs with Tomatoes and Bacon A meal to cure the deadliest of hangovers. Waking up Sunday morning at noon covered with that layer of general filth accumulated from the night before is just plain unpleasant. Yes, you had fun the night before, but it is in these moments you really question whether it was worth it. I say definitely yes, but it is the next meal you consume that can be the deal breaker. After rolling out of bed, make your way to the kitchen and whip up this super quick and easy dish. Leave it to bake in the oven for 30 minutes whilst you shower out the smell of smoke from your hair, then tuck into this hearty home cooked meal. Enjoy, Sophie and Zabrina xx
Baked Eggs Serves 2 Ingredients: 2 rashers bacon 1 small onion 2 cloves garlic 1 tin tomatoes, diced or crushed Handful of fresh basil Handful of fresh oregano 2 tbls wholegrain mustard Salt Pepper 4-6 Vine ripened tomatoes 100g Danish feta, crumbled into large chunks 2 Eggs
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Method: 1. Pre-heat oven to 180 degrees fan-forced. 2. Dice bacon and brown in a small pan over a medium heat. Set bacon aside. 3. Using the same pan, sautĂŠ the onion and garlic. Add the tin of tomatoes, chopped fresh herbs and mustard, and let the mixture simmer for 3-5 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste. 4. Add cooked bacon to the tomato mixture and pour into an oven-proof dish about 25x10cm. 5. Create two wells in the center of the dish and carefully crack an egg into each hole. 6. Take the cherry tomatoes and crumbled feta and arrange a top layer around the eggs. 7. Bake in the oven for 25-30 minutes. If you want runny yolks, cover the dish with foil and check the progress after 20 minutes. Remove foil and continue until yolks are cooked to your liking. 8. Serve hot with a side of toast, wilted baby spinach and avocado. For more cooking madness visit http://twobakedpooseys.tumblr.com or follow us on Twitter at TwoBakedPooseys.
The little stevies Boasting one of the most endearing sounds to hit the Australian music scene in quite some time, Aussie darlings The Little Stevies are making waves with their second LP Attention Shoppers. Caitlyn Adamson had a chat with bassist Robin about their latest release, touring and recording in the US of A and their exciting promotional tour. C: Attention Shoppers was recorded in LA over 4 weeks. Tell us a bit about that experience and how it’s differed from other album and EP recordings you’ve done. R: Well the biggest difference wasn’t exactly LA itself; it was more the process of taking yourself away where you had nothing to focus on except the album. The last album we recorded over several months, usually between University and on weekends, this was an intense month of recording; 10am until 9pm for four weeks with nothing else to focus on. It was a very intense experience. C: This wasn’t your first time in the U.S, you’ve ventured there before... R: Yeah that’s right we headed over there in February last year for a showcase tour. It was very preliminary stuff but it turned out to be very successful. We toured around, played at a folk festival and we picked up a booking agent. Lots of producers we were looking at working with were in the states and we thought, well it might be a good idea to head back there. C: Can we expect this new record to be similar or different from the debut album Love Your Band? R: The sounds on it are a little surer of themselves. A bit more settled. There’s a much more integral “band” sound. However it’s similar because there’s a focus to the songs, not just the sounds. We were trying to make an album of great songs rather than an album of new and amazing sounds.
C: That’s been said about you guys a lot - you don’t just make great melodies but you create great songs with great stories. R: A lot of the people we look up to as songwriters have a strong story writing element in their song writing and we really tried to create that through this album. C: What are you looking forward to about heading on the road? R: New songs for a start. We play live a lot, I think it’s one of our strongest elements. It’s just great to have a whole new set of songs to explore and grow into. We’re just excited to keep that relaxed and intimate vibe we’ve always had on stage, even at the bigger venues. C: Who were your biggest inspirations on the new album? R: I think we try and listen to music by artists who had great songs and a great dynamic. Fleetwood Mac. Gomez. Anything with a collaborative and diverse nature. Living in LA was one of the biggest influences even though it wasn’t intentional. It’s a sunny and easy place to live and that lightness really rubbed off on the album. C: If there was any song in the world you could have written what would that have been? R: I analyse things too much...probably something like In My Life by John Lennon, it has a sentiment I always think about. I wish I had the song writing skills to encapsulate any emotion like that song. THE SPIT PRESS | www.spitpress.com | ISSUE 7 | 31
Don’t Blame Mary Jane High profile marijuana advocate Bobo (from Cypress Hill) shared his thoughts on legalising the bud with Dan Statz. Sally Rawsthorne reported on the findings. Here in NSW, possession of marijuana is a criminal offence. And arguably, it is illegal for a good reason. Studies have linked chronic use of cannabis to schizophrenia and other mental illnesses. While not a physically addictive substance, MJ has addictive tendencies. Its physical impact on the heart and the lungs is also not good news for those amongst us who enjoy the occasional hit from the bong. The social cost of recreational use of illicit substances such as cannabis is quitte high. There are negative consequences to almost anything that we do. Drive a car? You’re creating greenhouse emissions, you might crash, you’re contributing to the infamous Sydney traffic. Listen to an iPod? You’re definitely damaging your hearing and probably stealing music. Like everything in life, Mary Jane has both good and bad aspects. As Bobo suggests, the social cost from the precious ‘erb comes primarily from its prohibition, not the substance itself. Throwing people into prison is inherently damaging, arguably more so than enjoying the occasional j, and legislation throughout the world is changing to reflect that. “Here we are today, 20 years later, and so much headway has been made. In the United States and even some other parts of the world, as far as decriminalising the law so that it’s not such a big offence. The use of medical marijuana, it’s safe, it is helping a lot of people and I think that finally it’s being recognised as a good thing.” The increased acceptance of weed by governments and individuals throughout the world is something that Cypress Hill is immensely pleased with, particularly given their long association with the cause of legalizing weed. “It was always from the beginning of Cypress’ career, just getting in and being affiliated with getting
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the word out about the good uses of marijuana and everything,” he explains. Societies all over the world are becoming more accepting of weed, Bobo is happy to note. “You know some countries, and some states in the US, they don’t want it, they will never want it, and that’s fine. But it’s definitely not going to be [seen as] such a bad thing any more, eventually it’s all going to be good.” This increased acceptance is at least partially due to an increased awareness of the drug as something that is not inherently bad. Cypress Hill were significant contributors to an increased understanding that smoking weed is not a force for social destruction, but a personal choice. “We’re not trying to force feed the public into saying we smoke this, we smoke this, we smoke this, you know what I mean?” says Bobo. “That’s what made us kind of different, you can’t repeat yourself so much. Then even all the weed songs on every album were different, you know, really talk about different aspects of ‘erb.” One such aspect is the use of medicinal marijuana. Although not everyone agrees with its use, decriminalization in a medicinal context is hardly the precursor to an uncontrollable increase in the use of weed. Studies have shown that the decriminalization of pot in parts of the world such as the Netherlands and Canada has not lead to an exponential increase in the drug’s use. Availability does not necessarily lead to abuse. According to Bobo, “The facts talk for themselves, you’ve seen them [people] with a joint and it’s not like people are dying because now medical marijuana is out there. They can control how it’s dispersed, how many dispensaries there can be, how it’s sold and how it’s given to the public. But at the same time, it’s speaking for itself so you don’t have anything negative really to say.”
Come on kids, die young Peter James Cagnacci 24/03/1990 Favourite drink: Whisky on the rocks. Good Lord, yes please. Northern Beaches, Sydney
I suppose out of artistic frustration I picked up a camera with more serious intentions than I had before. Very few of the drawings I had been doing would come out the way I wanted so I figured I’d get into photography more, and then bam! I got her pregnant and now I’m stuck looking after the thousands of photobabies she’s left me with. I’ve never studied, maybe because of my short attention span or just laziness. I always look at photos as if they’re trying to evoke emotion through light and colour, although I’m a bit colour blind so what I see might not be the same as everyone else. Music inspires me more than anything, I don’t seem to pay too much attention to any other photographers apart from Ryan Mcginley and Jake Terrey, they’re fucking geniuses. A very dear friend of mine is kind of a muse to me, she always is saying amazing things that’ll spark some kind of new photo idea in my head or she’ll be the model in my shot and I always get what I’m after. She’s in these photos you’re browsing now. Rollerskates girl. Taking photos of people is probably the best thing I can think of doing next to having sex with them. I love taking photos of girls (in a non-perverted way) they’re just absolutely stunning and it’s fantastic being able to accentuate that with particular shots. It’s something I want to do for the rest of my life. I had some grand ideas for elaborate smoke themed shots, however I soon ditched this when I realised I spent all my time with my friends who smoked anything and everything all the time. Getting stoned and taking photos is a wonderful thing.
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Album Out Now
Featuring the single
‘Machines’
“
Another impressive song from one of the great quiet achievers of the Sydney scene. This one marries her great voice and ear for melody with percussion that sounds like Ben Gibbard playing the spoons while waiting for his egg to boil.”
Vijay Khurana, Triple J
Album available on ITUNES & in all Fish Records Stores or myspace.com/emmadavismusic THE SPIT PRESS | www.spitpress.com | ISSUE 7 | 39
inhale the pain Anne Rutherford is a 22-year-old artist from the Central Coast who draws inspiration from the Old Hollywood eras of the 30s, 40s and 50s. In her attempts to capture people’s insecurities, vulnerabilities and passions she creates intense images that display an understanding of humanity well beyond her years. To see more of Anne’s work, follow her blog; http://artbymissanne.tumblr.com
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Smoke Gets In Your Eyes Named after the classic song by Jerome Kern and Otto Harbach, this depicts that elated feeling of being in love.
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Inhale the Pain A portrait of one of my closest friends. She has the ability to see the pains of life as merely another facet of life’s beauty. Amazing.
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Breathe in the Fumes Inspired by the flappers of the 1920s; excitement about progress in the future and disillusionment in past ideals.
I’ll Wait For You By The Smoke I remember waiting hours and hours in the dark for someone to come. They never did.
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Microwave chefs Culinary Catastrophe Things can get a little hazy in the kitchen. Erin Holohan writes
I burn things. Before you go jumping to conclusions, I am not an arsonist, nor is this article going to detail my selfconfessions of that nature. I simply can’t cook and I get no joy out of testing my culinary expertise. Unfortunately for me however, it seems this just isn’t cool anymore. Long gone is our society’s obsession with simply eating good food. Now it seems everyone wants in on the preparation. As the hugely successful reality television program Masterchef this month goes to air for its third season, it appears as if gourmet cooking is very much in vogue. As an unsuccessful and unwilling chef, I can’t help but feel the pressure to join the bandwagon is starting to boil. It’s not that I haven’t tried to cook. I have, and on many occasions. Each has been as uninspiring as the next. I’ve tried to learn. My Kitchen Rules, Masterchef - I’ve seen them all. Junior Masterchef really put me to shame. Yet the improvement in my skills has been minimal at best. Fact of the matter is, when it comes to fine dining, I’m fried. As for baking, I crumble every time. My biggest downfall when testing my hand in the kitchen has repeatedly been my fear of undercooking. You know those people who take four minutes to prepare two-minute noodles? That’s me. In my opinion, there is nothing worse than a meal that’s been prematurely placed on the table. Unfortunately, the consequence of this has been many a smoke-filled kitchen. On countless occasions I have feared the arrival of the fire brigade at my front door. I am almost certain my neighbours have considered making the call plenty of times. Then again, they must by now be used to the fog that drifts so frequently from my kitchen window. Even microwave use has proved disastrous in my case. Two occasions are perhaps most notable.
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In the first instance, I microwaved nothing for twenty minutes. That’s right, absolutely nothing. Forgetting to put the rice cooker in was a very easy mistake. Hello new microwave. The second time was a little more dramatic. Note to self, plastic should not be placed in the microwave and should most definitely not be left spinning unsupervised. On this occasion, I nearly did require a fireman, returning to the kitchen to find what was to be chocolate mousse, and the bowl in which I was making it, alight and with fifty-three seconds of rotating to go. I have often considered making a serious effort to improve my cooking skills and join the now popular struggle to become a master chef. At times I have certainly felt a little inferior to those of my friends who prepare meals regularly. I may have even been slightly envious of their interest in the culinary craze and the opportunity it provides them to let off a little steam at the end of the day. Sometimes however, we have to be honest with ourselves and truth be told, the kind of steam I let off in the kitchen is far too literal. I can’t cook and as much as I admire and appreciate those who can, I don’t really want to. This is probably for the best. In the process of writing this article, I let a pot of boiling peas overflow and burnt a meat pie to the point of no return. Enough said. I like gourmet food and I’m a big fan of home cooked meals. In the future, I hope to find a man who’ll want to cook for me, a goal to which my grandmother responds, “Good luck!’” But I don’t see why that won’t work. Today, everyone’s a chef, or wants to be. And I’ll make it fair and do my share of the cleaning. After all, as they say, too many cooks spoil the broth.
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The initial idea of cooking up a storm seemed brilliant, but after finally shutting off the screaming fire alarm, I stood in the kitchen blinking through the haze of smoke, wiping the sweat from my arm pits and the bitter disappointment from my face. I surveyed the damage. On the stove lay limp my piéce de résistance, with the charred remains of what were vegetables beside it. Whatever was in the oven smelt bad – a definite no-go zone – and the food processor lay on its side with a sad face. There and then I decided that this was not my thing. That’s why when I received a series of cooking classes as a gift from my boyfriend, it was like a forgotten demon rearing its ugly head. What was he trying to say? Forcing a smile, I retracted my claws and thought about the situation rationally: I am a 22-yearold woman on the cusp of moving to Spain with my boyfriend, and I have the culinary skills of a blind, drunken samurai. Perhaps my boyfriend has a point, but the thought of being surrounded by knives, burning hot plates and sweaty, swearing chefs is not my idea of a pleasant Friday evening. The culture of food has evolved. Women are no longer chained to the stove and ‘eating out’ has become the fashion. Restaurants are now often cramped, loud, spicy; we like our food hot and fast and our drinks cold and by the many. The proliferation of fast food outlets means we can have food on the go, in between work meetings and gym workouts, all produced in a perfect serving size, packaged and ready to eat. And since there is always so little time, we grab what we can and wonder why we ever cooked in the first place. Just as food has blanched into the background, so have our social responsibilities. Just the other day, while munching on a burrito, I met with a friend and gave
her a run down on my life like a shopping list: Work – painful, Boyfriend – great, Parents – annoying, then taking another bite of my burrito, I pointed at her like a game show host and she followed suit with her own shopping list of news. I didn’t even have time to finish my burrito, so I threw the rest in the bin, and ran out the door to make it back to work on time. Running back to the office, I wondered – when was the last time I actually enjoyed spending time with a friend? I barely remember the feel of breaking bread with my fingers, and sitting down to a home cooked meal and spending real quality time with friends- at a decent hour, not on my lunch break. That night I came home exhausted and found the gift voucher for the cooking class on my bedside table. So with guns blazing and a sweaty brow, I made my way to my first ever cooking lesson. The class was taken by Dan Hong, the head chef of Lotus and Ms. G’s in Potts Point. He’s not much of a showman, but the torrent of Asian spices and herbs and sizzling jalapenos stirred an old flame inside my belly. It made me sad to think that I had given in so willingly to the epidemic of mass produced food; that the kitchen in my home could soon become dusty and vintage like the old recordplayer left untended in my basement. My mother always said that I would learn to cook when I got married but that’s still a far away notion for me. Moving to Spain, however, is just a few weeks away and no matter how fast life may be over there, living in another country is wasteful if I don’t enjoy every moment. And that includes making home -made Spanish food and sharing culinary skills with my boyfriend. So from now on, my kitchen is my friend and I will walk into it with my head held high, the knife far from my face and hope that as well as keeping my limbs intact – I don’t set the house on fire.
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