DECEMBER 2023
THE SOBER EDIT LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE WRITTEN BY SOBER PEOPLE FOR THE SOBER & SOBER CURIOUS
MAGAZINE DEDEE PFEIFFER
A family intervention, spirituality, being reborn and new podcast
DENISE WELCH
Talking all things sobriety, mental health and family
THE SOBER EDIT
CONTENTS
06-08 Denise Welch: Interview
16-19 Interview: Dedee Pfeiffer
30-31 Sharon Hartley - Over The Influence: Interview
04 Editor's Note 05 Bossing Your First Sober Christmas by Janey Lee Grace 09 A Million Day One‘s by Jo aka Sober Step 11 Hey Sweetie! By Laura Bradley 13 Ten Things to Avoid If You Want to Enjoy a Happy Sober Christmas By Clare Honeyfield 14 I’m Finally Free by Christina Vochatzer 15 Can’t Find Your Tribe? By Duncan Bhaskaran Brown 20 The Sober Rap By Margaret 21 Dear Harriet By Harriet 22 I Believed That Mommy Needs Wine By Shannnon McCabe 24 Getting Comfortable with Sober Sex by Allison Guilbault
40-42 The Sober Sommelier Alex Norwood Hill
43 What It Feels Like To Be An Alcoholic - Kate Davidson
46 Lexie - The Life Changing Power of Travel
25 Wouldn‘t Stop Until My Body Physically Couldn‘t Take Anymore By Sarah Catchpole 26-27 Navigating a Sober Christmas in a Tipsy Wonderland by Katie Taylor 28 London Alcohol-Free Comedy Club
29 Morning Routine by Luke Bayliss 33 The Comparison Trip By Jenn Kautsch 34 Stealing Seasonal Solitude By Rosaleen Palmer 35 Sober is Sexy By Michael Singh 36-37 Embracing An AF Life: The Birth of AF.TER Party by Andy Blackman 38 Never Too Old to Quit By Peggi Cooney 39 The Empty Nest By Claire Honeyfield 44 The Higher Self: A Journey Beyond Alcohol By Chrissy Janiga 45 Sober Girls Yoga: Stop Drinking, start yoga and transform your life! By Alex McRobert
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Becki Lane Editor-in-Chief At The Sober Edit, community is our heartbeat. We understand that the path to sobriety is as unique as each one of our readers. Whether you're just starting or have been on this journey for a while, think of this magazine as a friendly companion cheering you on. Each lovingly curated issue is like a care package for your soul, filled with heart-warming articles and expert advice from wellness professionals. We'll explore topics like mindful living, alternative therapies, creativity, relationships, and purpose. The Sober Edit is your cozy corner to amplify voices that might not always be heard. Our contributors, coming from all walks of life, share personal triumphs, challenges, and the lessons they've gathered along the way. Their stories are like a warm hug, offering comfort, encouragement, and a dash of inspiration. As we embark on this edition together, we invite you to not just read, but to actively engage. Share your thoughts, suggestions, and snippets of your own story with our wonderful community. Let's keep the conversation going, offer support, and nurture a safe space where everyone feels like part of the family.
Editor’s Note Hello and welcome to The Sober Edit! We're thrilled to have you re-join us on this journey of discovery, celebrating the joys and possibilities of a sober lifestyle. Get ready for another edition filled with warmth, connection, and renewed inspiration. In a world that can sometimes feel a bit fast-paced and impersonal, The Sober Edit is here to be your friendly oasis. We genuinely believe that choosing sobriety leads to moments of clarity, bursts of creativity, and an abundance of inspiration. Our mission is simple: to share stories and experiences that showcase the transformative magic of embracing a sober life.
A big, warm thank you goes out to our incredible contributors. And, of course, our warmest gratitude is reserved just for you —our wonderful readers. It's your curiosity, your openness, and your shared journey that make The Sober Edit what it is. Together, let's keep challenging the norms, celebrating the beauty of sobriety, and exploring the endless possibilities that lie ahead.
With gratitude,
Becki x
THE SOBER EDIT PAGE 05 The truth is if you ditch the booze, you aren’t giving anything up, you are only gaining. You have the opportunity to get back your health, your ideal weight, your appetite, your sleep, good relationships, your sanity…You will feel less anxious, the link between alcohol and mental health cannot be denied and then there’s surprising benefits like feeling brave, and getting ‘sober hair’ (Who knew!) Ask yourself: Could my festive season be better without the booze? If the answer is…Yes! Set yourself a challenge, WOOP IT! Plan ahead using the great behaviour change planning tool called WOOP developed by Dr Gabrile Oettingen, It’s been used effectively in many areas of life. WOOP, stands for:
WISH OUTCOME OBSTACLE PLAN Many Sober Club members find the festive season tricky. Alcohol is so deeply ingrained in our culture; it’s the ‘social glue’ that sticks everything together, ‘celebrations to commiserations’ We’ve been brainwashed into thinking there are two types of drinkers, those at rock bottom – alcohol dependent – and everyone else. The reality is it’s a spectrum, the majority of people fit into the category of ‘Grey Area Drinkers’, I reckon there are at least 50 shades of grey, and none of them sexy! Without doubt, what helped when I ditched the booze almost 6 years ago, was being able to calm my ‘inner toddler’ who was telling me I may be ‘missing out’. However, we can ‘Keep the ritual, change the ingredients’ The rise in popularity of alcohol free drinks by the big breweries as well as artisan producers is monumental. There are alternatives to beers, spirits and botanicals, not to mention Kombucha and fabulous artisan tonic waters.
Wish – Set your wish, to achieve a meaningful goal and make it a memorable phrase (ie Ditch the booze for minimum of 100 days) Outcome – What is the outcome you want – the best result from accomplishing that wish? .(ie: You’ll have more energy, less anxiety) Obstacle – What might prevent you from accomplishing your wish, or what make you feel wobbly? (ie: A family party) Plan –How can you plan ahead, in case the obstacle presents itself? (ie Offer Af cocktails) Write down your ‘WOOP’ on a piece of paper and use the technique every time you have a new situation coming up. Become Sober Curious! Janey Lee Grace is the author of Happy Healthy Sober, runs The Sober Club community and hosts the Alcohol Free Life podcast. Janey also trains Sober 360 Coaches www.thesoberclub.com linktr.ee/janeyleegrace1
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"I WAS GOING THROUGH A PERIOD OF INTENSE DEPRESSION, AND IN AN ATTEMPT TO NUMB THE PAIN"
regrets or things you wish you could change?
I've been sober for about 11 years now, and the realisation hit me in my late 30s. I was going through a period of intense depression, and in an attempt to numb the pain, I turned to alcohol and drugs. It's funny looking back; I was in constant denial about having a problem, despite the years spent using substances to cope with anxiety and misery. It's interesting how denial can be such a powerful force. Can you share more about the circumstances that led to this realisation? Absolutely. I was working on Coronation Street at the time, away from home frequently, and my depression was at its peak. I reached a point where I would do anything to alleviate the pain, and unfortunately, I thought alcohol and drugs were the solution, at least temporarily. It wasn't until my late 30s that I found myself caught in this cycle. You mentioned your husband, Lincoln, and how you both got sober together. Can you elaborate on that and how your relationship played a role in your journey to sobriety? Lincoln and I met in a nightclub at 6:00 in the morning, and we got sober within two months of each other. We often reflect on where we would be if we hadn't met. It's intriguing to think that the nightclub we met in eventually closed, possibly due to our sobriety. We've always wondered about the impact our meeting had on each other's lives. It sounds like a significant turning point in your life. Going back to your struggles, did you find yourself drinking alone at home, or was it more about going out? It was a mix of both. I would drink alone at home, but I was also adept at hiding the extent of my struggles. I wasn't the stereotypical image of a mother with a bottle in the morning; my drinking was more binge-oriented. I didn't drink every night, but when I did, it took over my life.
Of course, there are moments I wish I could redo, especially in terms of my children's experiences. However, a friend recently reminded me that my past has shaped who I am today, enabling me to be the person and mother I am now. It's a delicate balance between acknowledging mistakes and appreciating the growth that came from overcoming them. How do you fill your time? Any new hobbies or activities? Surprisingly, I don't seem to have much free time. Between work commitments and our love for travel, every moment is accounted for. Recently, we returned from a three-week trip to America to be with our son on tour. Family time has become a cherished priority, especially considering the time my eldest son, Matty, spends away on tour. Our idea of a hobby is enjoying comfy clothes and indulging in true crime documentaries. It might not be conventional, but it works for us. Did anyone of your family members or friends say, Denise, you need to cut back the drinking? The decision to stop drinking wasn't something I had planned. It was more of a culmination of various factors in my life. One significant influence was my sister, who expressed concerns about my drinking habits. While I initially resented her for it, looking back, I understand her perspective better now. She played a crucial role in caring for my children, and her worries were valid. It sounds like family dynamics and concerns from loved ones played a role in your journey. How did your relationship with your sister and other family members impact your decision to quit drinking? My sister's concerns were a source of tension, and there were times when we weren't completely estranged but faced difficulties. However, my father, who I unfortunately lost two years ago, was my constant support. He never judged me, even when he had every reason to.
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"PLEASE TAKE CARE OF MY Denise Welch, celebrated British actress and TV presenter, navigates a BOYS & ANIMALS AND I'LL career. Beyond on-screen success, she bravely shares her GO!multifaceted I WAS LOOKING AT 800'S journey through depression and sobriety, becoming an inspiring NUMBERS FOR HELP LATELY, advocateI for mental health. BUT I WAS SO ASHAMED, COULDN'T BEAR CALLING ANDWhen ADMITTING I HAD Ahave a did you first realise that you might Your journey highlights the complexities of drinking problem and then start thinking about addiction. Looking back, do you have any PROBLEM... " sobriety?
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His unconditional love was a significant influence, and he often took my side against my sister, attributing my struggles to depression. I think he understood that my drinking was linked to trying to cope with my depression, even though, in reality, it was worsening the situation. How did your depression intertwined with your alcohol use, and how has giving up drinking impacted your mental health? I want to emphasise that giving up drinking didn't magically cure my depression. Instead, it stopped compounding the issue. Drinking on top of depression and antidepressants only prolonged the duration of my depressive episodes. When I stopped drinking, it didn't eliminate my depression, but it made it more manageable and shortened the duration. I've been free of depressive episodes since 2019, and while I don't consider it completely gone, I am grateful not to wake up in fear of my illness anymore. How did you navigate professional and social situations after quitting drinking? It was undoubtedly challenging, especially in my line of work, which involved a lot of social interactions. Initially, I struggled with confidence and the fear of not fitting in. Sobriety meant relearning how to engage with people without relying on alcohol. It was a process, but over time, I discovered the joy of genuine connections without the need for substances. Can you share more about the role that your husband, Lincoln, played in your sobriety, and how facing the challenges together strengthened your marriage? Lincoln has been my rock throughout this journey. Facing sobriety together wasn't always easy, and we sometimes found ourselves being judgmental about others' drinking habits. However, having each other for support made all the difference. Our marriage became stronger, and sobriety became a foundation for a more fulfilling life. I often reflect on the fact that without sobriety, we might not have the incredible relationship we have today. What advice would you give to others who may be struggling with alcohol dependency or mental health issues? My advice would be to seek support, whether from loved ones, friends, or professionals. It's essential to recognise that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sobriety is a personal journey, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach. Be kind to yourself, understand that setbacks may happen, but each day is a new opportunity to make positive choices. And most importantly, know that you're not alone in this journey.
MILLION
DAY
ONE’S
learn from it, reflect upon it, see what can be changed next time. Do not just sweep the failed attempt under the carpet. You cannot see what needs changing, what worked, what didn’t, under there! Change your mind set, every day 1 takes you nearer to success. Let that sink in. A second observation is drinkers are a determined breed (I speak as an ex-drinker myself!), I see people who have, literally a million day 1’s and keep on going. I mean, come on that in itself deserves a round of applause. If I had to give a piece of advice though, it would be the classic, “Do not keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results “. It is the classic mistake. Failing to reflect upon where things went wrong, what can be done differently next time, what do you need to do differently and how can the outcome be a different one. I see people slogging on, keeping going but getting nowhere. The DREADED Day 1. If you are stuck on the treadmill of repeated day 1’s, it As a Grey Area Drinking Coach and Hypnotherapist,
is highly likely you need to do something different. Go
when clients first come to me, they have often had a
into each day 1 with excitement and wander. Your life
million day 1’s and feel quite desperate and
is full of possibilities. I see clients whose lives change
despondent. But I want to change the bad press of the
for the better ALL the time. The sober life is out there,
repeated day 1. It really is something to be embraced
waiting for you to grab it with both hands and make it
and used as a tool to progress.
your own. You just have to find the right way for you.
If you are stuck on the treadmill of repeated day 1’s, then do not lose hope. It is part of the process. Use
Jo Tiler is a Mental Health Nurse by background and
each and every day 1 as an opportunity to learn and
went on to train as a Hypnotherapist and Coach,
grow. Changing your relationship with alcohol is rarely
specialising in helping Grey Area Drinkers change their
a linear process.
relationship with alcohol forever, after successfully changing her own relationship with alcohol.
An observation I see time and time again, is each day 1 can teach us something. Embrace the failed day 1,
Follow Jo here Instagram @Sober.step
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A
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Sober Life Guides Sober Life Guides is a new Sobriety platform inspired by the journeys of sober couple, Luke Bayliss & Jess Sparkes, who have come together with a shared vision. To help others break free from alcohol and other substances and embark on a transformative journey towards becoming the best version of themselves.
They have both navigated their own sober journeys, been through the high & lows, successes & failures and drawing from their own experiences, they are committed to facilitating positive changes in people’s lives.
Their mission is to help others break free from the challenges that hold them back.. by offering guidance from experience, an exclusive private chat room, online community connections, meet ups and much, much more.. Everything needed to see a significant transformation and embrace a future filled with clarity, purpose and sobriety. Follow their new and exciting journey & discover more on their Instagram page.. @soberlifeguides
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HEY SWEETIE!
Are you craving sugar? Gobbling chocolate and munching on Haribo? Welcome to the sweet-toothed phase of your sobriety journey. Many of us find that after cutting out alcohol, our sugar cravings really come into a life of their own. Sugar causes dopamine to be released by the brain, the very same hormone that’s released when you drink alcohol. Sugar activates the same reward pathways in the brain as alcohol, and this is why you can find yourself using it as a feel-good substitute. First things first, although we all know that sugar isn’t exactly a health food, it’s a far sight better than the damage you’d be doing to your body by consuming alcohol instead. So please don’t start feeling guilty if you’re eating a slab of Dairy Milk a day. A lot of us start off our sober life by not only cutting out alcohol, but also committing to new diets and workout regimes in a real health kick. Then we slip and we beat ourselves up. So, my first advice is to commit to giving up alcohol and working on that first, working on your triggers and reasons for drinking.
Try to add IN healthy foods rather than focussing on cutting things out, and you’ll be much more likely to stay the course. Giving up alcohol can be tricky for a lot of people; don’t go making life harder for yourself than you need to. But let’s say you’re at the point where you’re ready to cut down on the sweet treats. What’s the best way to do this? When you first quit drinking, your body can have a hard time regulating your blood sugar levels, so give it a hand. Eating a savoury breakfast full of veggies and protein will help to keep your blood sugar levels on an even keel and keep you fuller for longer. And if you do fancy something sweet, eat it at the end of a meal. This will all help prevent your blood sugar from spiking and crashing and causing cravings. But let’s say you’re at the point where you’re ready to cut down on the sweet treats. What’s the best way to do this? When you first quit drinking, your body can have a hard time regulating your blood sugar levels, so give it a hand. Eating a savoury breakfast full of veggies and protein will help to keep your blood sugar levels on an even keel and keep you fuller for longer. And if you do fancy something sweet, eat it at the end of a meal.
This will all help prevent your blood sugar from spiking and crashing and causing cravings. The disrupted dopamine pathways caused by alcohol means that it can be harder to find happiness from the little things in life at first. Rather than turning to sugar for this hit, exercise is a great mood booster. “Find a hobby” can be a cliché for those in sobriety, but activities that make you feel happy and relaxed such as yoga, meditation and taking a walk will release dopamine and as a result you’ll find yourself reaching for the biscuit tin less. Sugar cravings will pass as your body balances out, and hopefully these tips will help to manage them until they do.
I believe that by eating well, we can all live better lives, and my philosophy is to create food that will both nourish your body and excite your taste buds. Laura Bradley www.laurabradley.co.uk Instagram
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Ten things to avoid if you want to enjoy a happy and sober Christmas
People pleasing – avoid saying “yes” when you mean “no”. “Can I get back to you?” is a great reply to give yourself time to check in with yourself and get clear about what it is you’d like to do Over-doing the entertaining – you do not have to host as if your life is a shoot for a glossy magazine. Less is more. Your bank balance will thank you in January. Going over budget and getting into debt – is it really that important to look good to others? As tempting as it is to push to boat out, everyone would prefer you to feel ok than to go overboard.
Most of all, remember that Christmas is really only one day, you can start your own traditions and drinking alcohol is not compulsory and you do not have to justify your choices to anyone!! Have a wonderful time.
Perfectionism – whatever it is, let it go – your sanity is more important than some unattainable ideal of how life should look. Family drama – let people do what they want, don’t put pressure on others to conform to your idea of what Christmas would look like. Enjoy the quiet! Food containing booze – check the ingredients before setting off a craving or making yourself feel like you’ve failed. (which you haven’t) Feeling isolated – stay in touch with your sober community, supportive friends and your usual support network. Cabin fever – remember to get out for walks in the fresh air, even if it’s raining. Feeling thirsty – keep hydrated, have a bottle of water in the fridge, turn your wine glass upside down if you are eating out (waiting staff often don’t listen to/remember my request not to fill up my wine glass I find)
By Clare Honeyfield helps women entrepreneurs to build their 5-star life and business on their own terms so they can live in abundance and contentment and contribute to a better world. Clare is an award -winning business founder, a best-selling author and a high-performance coach who is sober. www.clarehoneyfield.co.uk
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I’M FINALLY FREE I am a Real One as THEY say. I do everything alcoholically as I like to say. You know, nothing exceeds like excess. I was destined to become an alcoholic if you ask my parents. They never kept alcohol in the home and always maintained strict order keeping my ADHD in check with routine and discipline. They prayed that I wouldn’t one day become what they feared. That I would “catch” the disease that plagued our family for generations. Her father, his father and siblings. My uncle, who served time for stabbing a woman in a drugged-up stupor, while his brother led the charge against drugs in South Texas working for the FBI. It wasn’t until my late twenties that my drinking career began. As my first marriage ended, I didn’t know how to handle all of the emotions I had and numbed myself during Happy Hours with colleagues, dinner with Moms and ultimately alone in bed at night. My 5-foot frame blew up to 200lbs and I was diagnosed with Hepatic encephalopathy, a reversible, yet scary syndrome where I began hallucinating because of the amount of ammonia in my bloodstream that my liver could not clear. You would think that being told I was going to die would have curbed my appetite for cheap grocery store wine, but alas it did not. I wish I could tell you there was a singular event that led me to sobriety but I think it was the culmination of a lot of things that drove me to seek help. I tried traditional group meetings and rehab to work through the steps that were to keep me sober. But, the problem wasn’t my faith or community. My problem was being alone with ME. Looking at my blearyeyed self in the mirror of a dark bathroom and not liking what I saw, I
By Christina Vochatzer
finally chose to serve me. And, I’m glad I did. My second husband, who I had always called the Saint, had finally given up on me.
Give Christina a follow Instagram.com/christina vochatzer/
Two weeks out of a treatment center focused on mental health to drive wellness, I learned that my husband had a girlfriend of 8 months who was pregnant and he had filed for divorce. All of this while I had been avoiding my life in a drunken stupor.
“They prayed that I
To my own surprise, I stayed sober through everything that happened
wouldn’t one day
next. I remember all of it. Every emotion, every tear, every act of betrayal
become what they feared. That I would
and, I am a better human because of it. Today, I wake up to a daily routine that has allowed me to live a life free of Lexapro, Adderall and the countless number of drugs I was prescribed. I’ve learned to honor
“catch” the disease
my body with a focus on whole foods, minimizing my toxic-load and
that plagued our
leading likeminded women in loving and caring for themselves first,
family for generations.”
naturally.
“When you listen to the podcasts and read the books they say ‘you’ll find your people’ but that has not been true for me.” That statement jumped off the page. I was casually flicking through the latest batch of interview answers that my assistant had sent over, coffee in hand. But that answer made me put down the cup. But we need to be careful not to create the wrong impression. There are many people doing spectacular work – sober events and communities are popping up all the time. For some, those are the places to “find your people”.
Duncan Bhaskaran Brown is a leading expert in getting sober and staying that way. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobe rwarriorcoach
But what if they’re not your people? Don’t get me wrong I love you guys but that doesn’t mean you’re as interested in falling off your roller skates as I am. Honestly, if the only thing we have in common is that we don’t drink – spending time together is as dumb as when we used to hang out with people simply because they drank. And that’s not what the sober superstars do. True some of them have friends from rehab, The Fellowship, masterminds or group coaching programmes. But they all
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dunc anbhaskaranbrown/
also have friends that they meet doing activities that don’t revolve around alcohol. That’s the key point. You don’t actually need sober friends. You need communities that don’t revolve around alcohol, and there’s a big difference. Let’s imagine I live in Oxford – and that I like to mention it because I think it makes me sound clever – a quick google search reveals two sober events I could attend in the next four weeks. That’s not a lot. It’s not hard to imagine that no other inline skating, 90s throwback will be there. I might go to both, not connect with anyone and go home disappointed. Now think about communities that don’t revolve around alcohol: sports clubs, business networking groups, volunteering organisations, political groups,
“You don’t actually need sober friends.
educational establishments, spiritual societies and The Thames Valley Roller Skating Club. How many events will these groups be holding over the next four weeks? The Thames Valley Roller Skating Club meets every week, though they do allow in people on quads, which isn’t right.
You need
The point is you can go along to a triathlon training session or a business breakfast
communities
matter what they do when they get home because while you’re with them they’ll be
that don’t revolve around alcohol, and
or a demonstration or a pottery class and people won’t be drinking. It doesn’t sober. The sober superstars don’t limit themselves to sober communities, they realise that any group that doesn’t revolve around alcohol is a chance to “find your people”.
there’s a big
Please don’t stop telling people how great being sober is. Don’t stop telling them
difference.”
need sober in its name to become your tribe.
how important finding your people is. Just realise that a group of people doesn’t
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Can’t find your sober tribe?
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"PLEASE TAKE CARE OF MY BOYS & ANIMALS AND I'LL GO! I WAS LOOKING AT 800'S NUMBERS FOR HELP LATELY, BUT I WAS SO ASHAMED, I COULDN'T BEAR CALLING AND ADMITTING I HAD A PROBLEM... "
Congratulations on your sobriety, how long has it been now? Thank you for asking me to be a part of your awesome journey! I am 4+ years sober and proudly recovering out loud in the hopes to help others. What motivated you to seek help and enter recovery? Well, I'm fiddy nine (aka: 59yrs young lol) about to turn "sexty" (aka: 60 yrs young lol) and I was a high functioning alcoholic to say the least! I learned from the best (my dad) and I came from a generation that did not talk about these things nor any mental health topics. So, to say I lived with this disease of addiction for a long time would be correct considering it is a kind of 'whack a mole' behaviour ie: food, love, sex, shopping, work, etc can all become your DOC (drug of choice) at any given time! So basically, 4+ years ago my family came to me and said they wanted to do an intervention and I stopped them in their tracks! They expected to hear a big fat F*** Y** (because that's what you would normally hear from someone who's not ready), but instead I said, "Please take care of my boys & animals and I'll go! I was looking at 800's numbers for help lately, but I was SO ASHAMED, I couldn't bear calling and admitting I had a problem... " 3 days later, I was off to an intensive inpatient 30 day program w/no phones, nor computers, ect! To this day, I describe that day as one of the scariest days of my life and the beginning of my rebirth-day. Can you share some of the most valuable lessons or insights you gained during your recovery process? Oh man! There are many LOL! Let's start with this one that I still have to remind myself of... 1. Stay in your own lane! 2. You 'have' a story... you are 'not' your story! And my favorite one: 3. When you are active in your disease you are "The Identified Problem", but the day you start your journey in recovery? You become "The Identified Possibility!" I know this one is deep, but let that settle into your soul and it's powerful.
What strategies or tools did you learn in rehab that have been particularly helpful for you in maintaining your sobriety? One of the most important tools I learned was the importance of having some kind of support or community! It usually comes in the form of another sober person or people, but no matter who or where you find it (in person, online, meetings, or even a text chat group, which is what I've leaned on now for years. There are these 3 people from my rehab that we STILL text in our group chat every day to just let each other know that we are not alone on this journey. We even named our group chat "The Mighty Fucks" LOL!!! Because we are. How has your life changed since you began your recovery journey? The fact I say I've experienced a rebirth the day I started my journey in recovery says it all! Just like a newborn learns to walk, someone in recovery learns how to strengthen their sober legs is what I call it! The change in the way I think, feel, and now behave from before, is night and day! My heart is filled with so much light, love, and no fear and this came from my sobriety! It's also given me the insight as to why I'm here in this body in this lifetime! And it's NOT about slowly dying in my earth body like I was before while I was in my disease, but rather doing light-work and showing others that their life is worth living too... Just be and they will follow the wise ones say! What role has your support system (family, friends, support groups) played in your recovery? It's ALL about your support systems when you start your rebirth! Just like adults help babies when they first start to walk? Early recovery is SO important, so I say if you are around a person or people that are rubbing you the wrong way, you can use that as an excuse to relapse OR an excuse to take your recovery by the balls and find other people who are more in harmony with your energy. An example is not everyone has the same GOD, so if that's not your thing, then search out others who are spiritual or are using a more clinical modality like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), etc.
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Dedee Pfeiffer took a 10-year break from Hollywood to earn her Master of Social Work degree from UCLA, and returned to acting as a series regular, playing Denise Brisbane on the ABC drama Big Sky, now focusing on her sobriety and brilliant new podcast Down with Dedee.
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I'll add that my family were great because they knew they didn't understand what I was going through because they were what I call "Normies'' (aka: no addiction) and so they just said we love you, have no idea what you're going through, and if there's anything I can do to ever help you, please tell me what that looks like... It truly is the best way to support someone is to tell them you love them, are not going to try to pretend to even know what it's like to be going through what you're going through, but are there for them if needed. Are there any specific challenges or triggers you've encountered in your daily life, and how have you learned to cope with them? The world is attacking itself with all these wars, people hurting each other, people hurting animals and the disregard for our planet are all big ones for me... I'm not going to lie that all these things didn't bother me to no end before when I was drinking and active in my disease and drinking and smoking cigarettes were a way to try to escape the feelings of helplessness I felt all the time. AND, my first sponsor said something to me that I keep close to my heart as a reminder of a truth... If all these injustices in the world are eating you alive and you're thinking of relapsing because of them? Think twice because the world needs you NOW more than ever AWAKE, STRONG, ALERT, EMPOWERED, and READY to go out there and be part of the solution, not the problem! I was like, Damn! If that ain't the truth!!! We have choices and it's important to be mindful of when our authentic self is making the choice for you or your addict... again deep I know LOL! What advice would you give to someone who is considering entering a recovery program or has recently started their journey to sobriety? I know they say "trust the process". I used to hate that LOL! Yet, they are speaking the truth because think of it this way... Why would anyone lie about that? Have faith in the process. I just want to say I understand how difficult this is and remember it's hard because you can't "SEE' the process and faith works best in the dark! And the best part is, a new life is waiting for you if you can just learn to breathe and be in the moment because I'm here to tell you it WILL get better! Again, why would I lie about that? LOL! How do you plan to maintain your sobriety in the long term, and what are your goals for the future? Oh that's easy! Giving back to others in any way that feels right is one of the gems in recovery because it's a 2fer!
You get to help another which helps them and that ricochets back to you and it makes you feel good and reminds you of why you choose sobriety and we all need each other btw. Because we are all connected. Have you found any new hobbies or activities that have helped you stay focused on your recovery and stay healthy? OMGGGGG!!!! I'm crazy mad about anything supernatural/paranormal and watching real footage of whistleblowers and people who are not attention seekers, but real people telling of their experiences fascinates me to no end, because I've had experiences with all of that and we are living in a time where it's a bit safer to come out and say it! Well, there's still those who think those of us with our experiences are crazy but honestly I don't care what people think anymore because like those like me? We KNOW what we saw or experienced and no one is going to ever take that away from me or them. We used to weaponize the unknown... not anymore baby! Tell us about your brilliant new Podcast Down With Deedee. Oh you're so sweet! Thank you! My podcast started out from my wanting to recover out-loud on a larger scale to help more people and it still is, but it has grown into its own living thing lol! It's a 30 min podcast that you can see on YOUTUBE or wherever you get your podcasts (many prefer to watch it because of all the colorful guests I've been so fortunate to have on ) and it's broken into 3 parts. My guest and I have a solution focused discussion for 15 mins on 1 element of a social issue that my guest is passionate about. Then, 10mins on whether they believe in the supernatural/paranormal and why? Then, 5 mins on what animal would they like to be reincarnated as and why? So, each episode is as colorful as you can imagine and everyone's episode is special to them and no 2 are alike! I'm proud of what my producer DJ and I have done so far and I'm excited to continue because when I hear from a follower that one of my episodes lightened their day or maybe planted a positive seed in their thoughts, I know I'm part of the solution out there in this noisy world we live in, oof! My motto: Ignore the noise and keep your poise! Plant the seed and run!
🙏
Where can people find the podcast? You can find me on Instagram: @dedeepfeifferofficial My podcast: DOWNWITHDEDEE @downnwithdedee www.downwithdedee.com (You can get all info here)
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The Sober Rap (or the evils of ethanol) by Margaret I achieved it Hard to believe it I’m a booze free zone I’ve learnt to hone My mocktail skills Keeping all the thrills But none of the ills Of ethanol Chamomile before bed Remembering books I’ve read Waking up with a clear head Not wishing I was dead Because of some situation Fuelled by self medication With ethanol Always knew I oughta Drink a lot more water Now I do I know it’s true It’s better for you Than ethanol I can party when I’m happy And if feel snappy Cos I find I’m sinking In the mire of people drinking I’ll go and find some space I’ll slow down the pace Avoiding the pull Of ethanol Alcohol weaves right through our nation Everyone drinks to intoxication Damaging their health Bleeding their wealth Ruining friendships Testing relationships Poisoning their souls With ethanol Here’s what to do If you want to join our crew Take all your drink Pour it down the sink Recycle the container It’s a no brainer Have some fancy tea Set yourself free From the pull of ethanol
"I am very new on my sobriety journey only 5 weeks in and I’m worried how I will navigate to continue not drinking as my wife is constantly putting pressure on me to drink with her and our friends, any tips would be useful."
Thank you for reaching out! I would first consider whether you feel ready to have a conversation with your wife about what your sobriety means to you. When we make changes in our own lives, it can cause changes for our loved ones too. We’re not asking for others to become sober but perhaps need some extra support in the early days to achieve our goals. Find a comfortable time to initiate a conversation with your loved one to help shape what this looks like for you together. Buddying up with a sober friend who can help you if you’re cravings/triggers hit can also support you through social events. Someone who you can call or who may attend the event with you. Remember to trust your intuition. You know if you’re putting yourself in an uneasy situation. Do you have a question you would like answered, email us at hey@thesoberedit.com linktr.ee/50shadessober
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Dear Harriet,
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I believed that ‘Mommy needs wine’ I’m not an expert and I can’t speak to anyone else’s life or reality. But I drank for the first 15 years of my daughters’ life, and I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that being sober this past 14 months has made my reality of being a special needs mom SO MUCH BETTER than it’s ever been. Dylan has Down Syndrome and Autism, she is non-verbal and still incontinent. She requires care and supervision 24/7. Nothing about Dylan or her situation has changed … yet our life is drastically different - for the better since I quit drinking. My patience level has improved by leaps and bounds. I used to be so short tempered, quick to anger, and also really prone to spiral into depression, anxiety, overwhelm, sadness…. all of it. I had no idea how much alcohol was the cause of it all. I rarely feel those intense sad emotions anymore. I am sooo much more capable of managing everything without feeling like the sky is falling all the time. It’s easier for me to stay calm. Easier to stay positive. It’s easier to process the heavy & hard stuff - of which there’s plenty. My husband and I trade nights sleeping with her. She’s in diapers 24/7. She can’t talk. And there’s the looming reality of a long legal process to stay her guardian when she turns 18.
BUT, now that alcohol is not clouding my reality, there are so many more moments of SIMPLE JOY. Gratitude for the little things. Being present & feeling CAPABLE, no matter what. I drank because wine helped dull the edges of the hard parts of parenting. I thought it took the sting out of what felt like ‘too much.’ But here’s the thing I realized: it was dulling the good stuff too. So many good moments that I now only have fuzzy, blurry memories of because I believed that ‘mommy needs wine.’ Towards the end of my drinking I started to see that the stress and sadness and frustration wasn’t about the circumstances of my life anymore - it was because of the internal struggle caused by and fuelled by my drinking. Alcohol was completely hijacking my emotions, and made parenting so much harder than it already can be. Sober parenting does not mean everything is magical - but sure it is so much more manageable and for that I’m grateful. Shannon McCabe @mommydoesnotneedwine
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Getting Comfortable With Sober Sex
So, you’ve given up alcohol. You feel more confident, emboldened and maybe even unstoppable. But then the panic sets in. How am I going to have sober sex??? If this thought has creeped into your psyche, you are not alone. But facing sober sex is not all that different from other firsts when getting sober. While it may feel initially unfamiliar and scary, it is ultimately exciting, empowering and liberating. Here are some tips from Allison Guilbault Therapist & Mindset Coach (sober) Licensed Sex Therapist on facing the bedroom alcohol-free:
Challenge your thoughts: If you are on a sober journey, you have probably had a lot of practice challenging thoughts that no longer serve you. You have rewritten stories like “I am more fun (or social, or likeable) when I am drinking”. You have replaced that faulty logic with more empowering truths that honor who you truly are, someone who is whole and likeable and worthy without alcohol. Now it is time to do the same with intimacy. It is likely that you have old narratives telling you that you need alcohol for sex: to relax you, make you more adventurous, more confident even. But those are just thoughts. None of it is actually true. Remind yourself that alcohol is a numbing agent, both emotionally and physically. Sober sex actually allows you to be more present, more in touch with your needs and allows you to better communicate and connect. That’s pretty hot. Know it is okay to be nervous: Just like the first time you went to a wedding sober, turned down your first drink, or told your first person that you were not drinking, the unknown can be scary. Feeling nervous about something new is understandable and valid. But just like all the other “firsts”, what is strange at first will become familiar over time. The scaries are only temporary, but sobriety is life-changing.
Start slow and communicate: Whether it is with a new partner or someone you have a long-standing relationship with, it is okay to start slow. Kissing, massages, and gentle touching can all help build confidence in the bedroom. Tell you partner what you want, what feels good and what you are uncomfortable with. Don’t be shy about experimenting, either with your partner(s) or in solo play. Practice Mindfulness: An excellent benefit of sobriety is you can reconnect to your senses. Focus on your breath. Feel the touch of your partner. Pay attention to your sensations. In the end, sober sex is liberating, empowering and freaking amazing.
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My name is Sarah. I’m a mum and a wife from sunny Essex, UK, and I quit alcohol when I was 28 years old. Now approaching 15 months sober, with my 30th birthday hurtling towards me, I’ve been reflecting upon my experience of giving up alcohol in my 20s, in a world that is literally obsessed with alcohol. People my age (the ones I hung around with anyway) were the tail end of the underage cheap binge drinking generation. £1 shots, knowing the right bouncers so you didn’t get ID’d, pre-drinks (never going into a bar without getting hammered first). From the first time I got paralytic drunk at 14 years old, I never drank alcohol for the taste, but to see how battered I could get for as cheap as possible. I would drink to take away my insecurities and give myself the confidence I lacked when sober, and I wouldn’t stop until my body physically couldn’t take any more (enter, the tactical chunder). It was normal… Until it wasn’t. People my age (the ones I hung around with anyway) were the tail end of the underage cheap binge drinking generation. £1 shots, knowing the right bouncers so you didn’t get ID’d, pre-drinks (never going into a bar without getting hammered first). From the first time I got paralytic drunk at 14 years old, I never drank alcohol for the taste, but to see how battered I could get for as cheap as possible. I would drink to take away my insecurities and give myself the confidence I lacked when sober, and I wouldn’t stop until my body physically couldn’t take any more (enter, the tactical chunder). It was normal… Until it wasn’t. How do you even do that?) and I knew that eventually, I was going to end up ruining the life I had worked so hard for. The life that was far from the insecure, binge drinking teenager who grew up with an alcoholdependent parent herself.
I WOULDN’T STOP UNTIL MY BODY PHYSICALLY COULDN’T TAKE ANYMORE It took me a while to get there, a lot of failed attempts to grasp the illusive, silver-bullet that is moderation, but eventually, I resigned myself to the fact that if I wanted to be the person my family deserved and that I deserved to be for myself, I could not drink alcohol any more. I wasn’t physically addicted, I didn’t have a rock-bottom as such, but I was miserable and hurting people. I knew all too well how it could end, so what was I waiting for? Giving up alcohol in my 20s is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself and my family. I’ve learned so much about myself, I’ve improved my relationships, my career, my mental health and I would say to anybody that struggles with their relationship with alcohol, no matter how young they are, to dip their toe in. By Sarah aka shesnotdrinking
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Navigating a Sober Christmas in a Tipsy Wonderland By Kate Taylor @walking_the_straight_line You might think that navigating a sober Christmas will be like trying to swim through seaweed. When the pull of drinking is so strong you’ll be lucky to simply stay above water, let alone enjoy yourself. But actually, it is possible and once you put some boundaries in place you should be able to float above the tangled mess that is other people’s drinking, and really savour this festive time of year. I know because I’ve done it twice now. Ok, enough of the swimming analogy. It’s too cold for that. Here’s my advice for dealing with a drunken Auntie Peg or a slurring cousin Christopher this Christmas. Start by reminding everyone ahead of time that you aren’t going to be drinking. A simple ‘I’m not drinking this year’ really should suffice. It’s up to you how much detail you provide but don’t apologise about it, you have nothing to apologise for. In my opinion you should be celebrated! Just state it as a fact and move on, like it’s no big deal. Telling people when they’re sober will help to plant the seed firmly in their minds; bringing it up when they’re half-way through a bottle of Baileys will be a lot harder to navigate. It's not a bad idea to let people know a few weeks ahead of time. I got given bottles of booze my first year sober as nobody knew I had quit (it had only been a week) and it made it a bit awkward for everyone as I was left handing half my gifts back to the people who bought them for me. Not ideal!
Find an alternative to drink. If you have a glass in your hand, you’ll feel more involved when everyone else is holding theirs. And people won’t constantly ask you if they can get you a glass of champagne or wine because they’ll see you’re covered. I put a piece of tinsel on my glass to mark it as mine, as there are usually lots of people drinking and I don’t want to pick up the wrong one by accident. I also keep it somewhere slightly hidden away so nobody tops me up without realising I don’t drink. What can be meant as a kind and generous gesture could set you off on a 6-month-long binge. I know because it happened to me. Now here’s a nugget for you to remember. When it comes to slipping out of a room, you don’t have to be Houdini to get away with it when there is drink involved. People who are drunk really do not notice when someone disappears, as long as there are other people around to talk to. Obviously, this is harder if it’s just the two of you! I have snuck off for a bath, a walk, and even to watch an episode of a mini-series without being detected! Take breaks. And take them as often as you need to. Pop some cake over to a neighbour who is spending the day alone, and stay for a cup of tea! Take the dog out for a walk and listen to a podcast. No dog? Just go out for a walk yourself. Or invite one or two kids if there are any around. I’m sure they’d love to kick a ball around or go to the playground with an adult who can actually walk in a straight line.
It’s a good idea to have at least one sober person in your contact list who you can message if things get triggering. I have sent many a message on important days to people who I know don’t mind. Getting support, even if it comes in the form of a text, can be a total lifesaver if things start to get tricky. And I promise you that places like Instagram will be full of people posting support and encouragement, so go to the bathroom, lock the door and take a few minutes to hop on there and get some inspiration from your favourite sober accounts. Once it starts to get late, or if you find it’s just becoming too overwhelming – if people are getting too drunk or trying to pressure you into drinking – go to bed. I mean it. If you feel tired but the shots are coming out and someone is suggesting a Mamma Mia Sing-Along, say goodnight. Or don’t. Just head off to bed, pop in some earplugs and drift off to the thought of Sugar Plum Fairies. You need to remember that this is your Christmas too. You are not a performing Elf, there to make everyone else happy. You have as much right as anyone to have a Christmas you enjoy. And that involves getting rest! Never forget why you are doing this, and what the alternative actually looks like. This is a good thing, a wonderful time of the year, and you deserve to go to bed happy and at a decent hour. It's a myth that you can’t have a good time without alcohol. You absolutely can. A better time. A time you remember. This will be my third sober Christmas and my final piece of advice is that each year I buy myself something. A Christmas gift for myself.
I probably save around £500 over this season from not drinking so I buy and actually wrap a gift for me and open it on Christmas day (I do this alone because I don’t want to make it into an event or make the drinkers feel awkward). This reminds me of what an amazing thing I am doing. Last year I got a beautiful pair of Hunter boots that I wore almost every day and just looking down at them while everyone was out sipping mulled wine from flasks, made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, and gave me a sense of pride that I would take any day over the guilt that used to follow me around. It's really sad that we have to ‘prepare’ to get through what should be a wonderful time of year because we have decided to be healthy and not drink alcohol. But it’s how it is and preparation is key. Have something you like to drink ready to pour, don’t be afraid to walk away if things get uncomfortable, check in with other people who are doing this too, and get ready to enjoy a Christmas that revolves around music, lights, family, friendships, love instead of a poison dressed up in a pretty bottle. Sober is the new cool and even the gingerbread cookies are skipping the rum extract this year! You’ve got this. Now get out there and enjoy yourself.
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On the subject of kids, if you have children around at Christmas, they are so fun to hang out with. It’s really for them anyway and in the past this season has become more about drinking than my kids. I hate to admit it but it’s true. So I make sure I give them my full attention these days. And on a more serious note, they really will notice the adults drinking and will appreciate knowing there is a sober, responsible adult in the house who they can rely on if something goes wrong or they need someone to intervene in an argument. This isn’t me having a dig at drunk people, it’s purely stating a fact. I was that person for the first 12 years of my kids’ lives. And I can tell you that someone who has drunk a bottle of wine is not able to properly look after a child. It’s great to have a sober adult around at Christmas to put the kids to bed properly, instead of finding them asleep on a random beanbag at 1am.
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FROM LIVE AT THE APOLLO TO THE LONDON ALCOHOL-FREE COMEDY CLUB! Sober IS Fun & The London Alcohol-Free Comedy Club founder Martyn Davies told us what to expect at this year’s Dry January Special.
We really have a fantastic show planned , as we have invited back some of our favourite comedians since the inception of our famously funny sober comedy shows back in 2018. Our host for the afternoon is comedian Sally-Anne Hayward, who is one of Sarah Millicans chosen support acts and has supported her recently on her 2023 tour. Sally performed at one of our first ever shows in Essex in 2018, and has been a great supporter of Sober IS Fun.
Next up we welcome back Stefano Paolini who has performed at one of The London Alcohol-Free Comedy Clubs inaugural shows. Stefano starred on Britain's Got Talent in 2022, having reached the semi-finals and is a big hit at every show. Another crowd pleaser at the club in 2022 was ally Beaton, who two weeks after performing for us starred on Live at the Apollo! To close the show we welcome one of my personal favourite comedians Mike Gunn. Mike will be familiar face to many, after numerous TV appearances which includes also Live at the Apollo & Michael McIntyre Comedy Road show. Mike also wont mind me mentioning he is also over 30 years sober, and was a big inspiration to me on my own personal sober journey! Experiencing top professional stand-up comedy sober just hits differently, the sound of sober laughing out loud is just magical. With great alcohol-free drinks available, and doors open from 2pm for the pre-show social, why not join us for the afternoon and Sober Laugh Out Loud with us! For remaining tickets and further information please visit www.soberisfun.co.uk
I don’t know about you guys, but when I was drinking my mornings were awful! I would wake up sweating in a panic, full of anxiety and feeling like a piano had fallen on my head! I’d have such fear at the thought of the day ahead and even taking a shower felt like climbing Everest. I would pace around the house, head in a spin thinking about the interactions I would have deal with at work. I’d always be late, and I called in sick numerous times with really bad excuses. When I got sober, I wanted to insert certain key pillars into my life that would keep me on the straight and narrow, boost my positivity, focus and drive and ensure I was consistently working on my own self development. One of these pillars which I cannot promote enough, was my morning routine. I chose what time I wanted to set the alarm for and after hearing such amazing things about the 5am club by Robin Sharma, I decided that was the time for me. I would plan different things that were all based on my overall self-care and implement them to release my inner kick start Kangaroo! to bounce around the house and feel positive for the day ahead. I knew how important it was to make a bee Line for natural sunlight (in order to keep a well-oiled body clock and get my circadian rhythms playing in time), so I would get outside and embrace this new improved sober vision I had discovered for the beauty of nature. Then it was all about exercise, so I started with going for a stroll round the block and built progress from there. I’m currently training for a half marathon, so now I get out and run like Forest Gump at 5am.
Then it was all about exercise, so I started with going for a stroll round the block and built progress from there. I’m currently training for a half marathon, so now I get out and run like Forest Gump at 5am. Once home I’d have a coffee, do my journaling to get my thoughts out onto paper and write a gratitude list to keep me grounded. Journalling is an incredibly cathartic exercise and I’m now writing a life journal for accountability of the past, even if it does read like War and Peace. Ha I was diagnosed with ADHD during my time at The Priory, so I wanted to include self-motivated learning in my routine. I’d listen to a podcast around ADHD or mental health to get my brain going and educate myself which would make me feel pretty proud of myself, considering this I all before most people even wake up. I also added in creative exercises such as making a vision board, filling in the self-care wheel or focusing on positive self-talk and my strengths and it has been so beneficial to how my mind is set before I leave the house. Then it’s a healthy breakfast and water, some music and I plan the day ahead. All of this done and dusted while the rest of the world is snoring away and waking up groggy. I suggest you all implement the same structure to your mornings, but remember sleep is the most beneficial thing for our health. So, if you are getting up at 5am like I do, it’s important to make sure you get to bed earlier to ensure you’re still getting that all important REM sleep to recharge and regenerate. No point in doing this if it makes you want to collapse in the afternoon.
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MORNING ROUTINE
It’s all about ‘me’ time so make sure you stay away from doing work or catching up on those left over chores from yesterday. This is all about being you, doing you, for you! all before the life siren goes off and you get wrapped up in the chaos of ‘life’. I also make sure the things I include are all easily achievable, relevant to me personally and a routine I can keep consistent. it’s all about adding in your small bricks to build your strong and powerful wall. There’s no point in saying “I’m going to run 100 miles, scream affirmations at the world while doing push ups on the pavement!”. You’ll get fed up, fall at the first hurdle and feel negative, which is the opposite of what this is about. The idea is to make you feel positive, driven and full of energy to tackle whatever life throws at you! It’s honestly been the most beneficial part of my ongoing sober journey and I cannot tell you how great it’s made me feel. Give it a go, start small with zero pressure and do all the things you can to ensure a healthy, happy and positive you!!!! Luke Bayliss Follow Luke's journey on Instagram - llukebayliss
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Sharon Hartley - Over The Influence Podcast Sharon was a daily drinker before she removed alcohol from her life completely in September 2018. She drank too much, too fast, too often but booze became boring, so she decided to jump off the hangover hamster wheel and start living her life to the full. Can you share with us your personal journey to sobriety and what inspired you to start this podcast? Where do I start?! In a nutshell, I became a daily drinker who drank too often, too quickly and too much. I only ever wanted to take an extended break from alcohol... 90 days originally as I knew 30 was never quite enough... but something happened that I didn't expect. I fell in love with living a sober life and 5 years later I've never looked back! Every single aspect of my life has been impacted so positively by that one decision, my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. One of my proudest achievements in sobriety is the Over The Influence podcast I host with Ben Anderson and the launch of our alcohol-free community which is all about inspiration, motivation, support and connection. It's been an incredible journey and one that simply would not have happened if I hadn't decided to ditch the booze back in September 2018. What's the main message you're trying to bring to your podcast? That sobriety isn't boring and that you don't have to do this on your own. In fact, it's quite the opposite. It's one of the most exciting decisions you can make despite it feeling so difficult in those early days. Our main podcast is all about the guests and their incredible stories of recovery, sobriety, middle-lane drinking... wherever you are on the scale. We want to normalise sobriety and we want people to know it's fun, full of new challenges, exhilarating and ultimately life changing. What are some common challenges people might run into when they're new to sobriety, and how does your podcast help listeners tackle these issues? One of the hardest parts of sobriety in the early days can be the loneliness and the overwhelming feeling of being a sober lone-ranger. Our podcast lets people know they're not on their own. We talk to influencers, authors, rock stars and radio stars as well as sharing the extraordinary stories of ordinary people who've decided to make a change.
Find your people, find what works for you, make new friends, try new activities and before you know it your life slowly begins to change for the better in ways you could never have imagined! What sort of topics do you like to dive into on your podcast, and why do you think they're important for our journey to staying sober and enjoying life? No topics are out of bounds on OTI. We discuss addiction, trauma, mental health issues and delve into the reasons why someone may have become addicted to alcohol. Equally, we focus on all the positives that come over time in sobriety. Changes in relationships, new career opportunities, personal growth and endless opportunities. We also laugh a lot...! How do you choose the people who come on your show, and what kind of stories or knowledge are you looking for in your interviews? It's important to us that our guests - in the main - are fully alcohol-free. We stay away from discussions surrounding moderation as this can potentially be triggering for our listeners. We talk to people who've pulled themselves out of the rock bottom they've found themselves in and we talk to people who drank occasionally who found that removing booze has been life changing. We talk to people in the public eye as well as invite stories from members of our community. We seek out the positivity but share the tough stuff too as it's all part of the journey! What kind of impact do you dream your podcast will have on people who are dealing with addiction or working on their sobriety? That they know they're not alone and that change is possible.
Can you tell us about some uplifting stories or moments from your podcast that have made a big difference in the lives of your listeners? There are too many to mention and I couldn't possibly single out an episode as they're all amazing. There's something to take from every single podcast we release. One recently that caused my phone to melt was an episode featuring my own daughter. My co-host Ben invited her on to mark my 5 year soberversary in September and it was a huge surprise for me. She shared how she felt during my drinking days and she shared how proud she is now about the changes I've made. It blew me away, it was very emotional and it's a must-listen for any parent struggling with their relationship with alcohol. How do you stay connected with the sober community, and how does this connection shape the way you steer your podcast? The sober community is a wonderfully supportive place and we love nothing more than sharing the stories of others. We invite people to get in touch with their stories and continued connection is key. Are there any exciting projects or upcoming episodes on the horizon that you're excited about and want to give us a sneak peek into? We're recording a very special episode for release over Christmas with someone we're big fans of. That's all I can say for now! And we're also working on our OTI Outdoor Adventures for 2024 which will include more mountains, hikes, poor weather and laughter! Are there any cool resources or support networks you'd recommend for people who want to tackle addiction or maintain their awesome sobriety? Just. Keep. Going. Stay close to the sober community. Listen to the podcasts, read the quit-lit and make new connections. And be proud. You're doing a hard thing where you're surrounded by alcohol at every turn. It's not always easy but it is always worth it. Hosting a sober podcast sounds like a great experience. How has it impacted your own journey of recovery and personal growth? It's been the best thing I've ever done and keeps me accountable every single day. I'm continually inspired by the guests we have the privilege of talking to and our community members are the most supportive, friendly and funny bunch of people I've ever met. Sobriety isn't boring.
Being stuck on the hangover hamster wheel of hell is boring. You can jump off, do something different and ultimately change your life. It's the gift that just keeps giving and I'm forever grateful I gave myself a chance and went for it. You can too and if you'd like any further info about what we do contact me direct at Over The Influence - sharon@overtheinfluence.co.uk
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We know this is the case because of the feedback we receive privately. It's why we do what we do! we do what we do!
Jenn Kautsch Your Sober Minded Sis
If you want to be living your best life, then take your eyes off other people’s drinking and notice how alcohol is impacting your life. There are always going to be people who drink less than you and if you really try, you’ll always find people who drink more than you. Any way you slice it, comparison keeps us stuck.
Let’s talk about the comparison trap. Have you ever found yourself questioning your own drinking but then looking around? We can easily justify our drinking choices, when we can find one person in the room who’s drinking more than we are. If we can find that one person, then we can convince ourselves that it’s not that bad. That we don’t have a problem. Comparison is a trap. And being a little “better” than the worst person is going to keep us stuck. Here’s the deal. Think about it, do you drink more or less than you did when you first started drinking? I’m talking about the amount and how often. I remember, at the beginning, when one glass of pink Zinfandel would make me feel like a noodle. But over time, I built up a tolerance. And I thought that was a good thing! If you want to get free, you need to keep your eyes on you. The amount that someone else is or isn’t drinking really has nothing to do with you. Rather than convincing yourself that you’re “not as bad” as she is, there are better questions you can be asking. • Are my relationships at home affected by my drinking? • Are my drinking habits keeping me stuck emotionally? • Is my alcohol consumption interfering with my sleep or my health? • Has drinking become a coping mechanism for my anxiety?
When realizing there’s a full drinking spectrum, you may find yourself in the “gray area”. It may be that you can physically stop anytime you want but “staying stopped” may be more difficult from an emotional or mental perspective. Personally, I had a thinking problem more than drinking problem. I wasn’t broken but my thinking pattern was and the good news…that’s fixable and you CAN change! It’s never too early or too late to change your relationship with alcohol. It can be tempting to ask yourself the question, “Is it bad enough?” but the better question to ask yourself is…”Is it good enough for me?”
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The Comparison Trap
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STEALING SEASONAL SOLITUDE Back in October the weather in much of the UK remains unseasonally warm but the signs are there... items appearing on shop shelves, exhortations to book your festive party… yes,my friends , Christmas or the “Holiday Season” if you prefer, is peeking over the horizon. I love Christmas – the anticipation,the preparation, the food, drink, decoration, music, scents and sounds – but I have learned it is wise to grab opportunities to steal away and be alone. So often I have heard former alcohol drinkers say they thought they were extroverts but since removing alcohol from their lives they realise they are naturally more inclined towards introversion. Alcohol subverted their need for time alone by making it more bearable to be in company but it exacts a price. Christmas is a time when we are thrown together with friends, family, work colleagues to a degree which does not happen during the rest of the year. As Henry David Thoreau said, company can be “wearisome and dissipating” and socialising without alcohol certainly takes a toll on our energy reserves . To quote the glamorous Audrey Hepburn: “ I have to be alone very often...That's how I refuel.” Women still bear the brunt of preparing for Christmas- shopping, cooking, decorating, diary organisation etc, so it's particularly important for us to have some breathing space. So here are a few of my strategies, not mind-blowingly original, but doable: Fresh air: I am fortunate to have a garden so a few breaths of fresh air out of the steamy kitchen and maybe even hiding up in my Lady Shed, out of sight and mind . If you live in a high rise, open the window and get a blast.
By Rosaleen Palmer Instagram sobersixtiessuffolk Walking: Even a walk around your local streets, clocking everyone else's decorations, will benefit your mind and body. If you have access to coast or countryside, great - “It's such a stress reliever and helps clear my head and the feeling of accomplishment at the end always gives me a buzz.”@sober.walker_wales Give your busy mind a break: a little crochet, journaling, jigsaw ( my fave), interpersed between your jobs throughout the day. Music: try and get to a Christmas music concert or some carols. There are so many taking place from November onwards. Go alone, don't talk to anyone, let the music flow over you. Bed: go to bed early with a book, audio or podcast. I am well aware while writing this that I am privileged to be retired with no children living at home. I can remember being in the midst of all that busyness and alcohol representing a quick and efficient route to momentary relaxation, but if you are trying to limit or remove alcohol from your life, you need other ways to keep your balance. Perhaps we need to jiggle our priorities a little and just sometimes stop for that calming breath, beautiful scent,or poignant song. The writer May Sarton said :” Loneliness is the poverty of self ;solitude is the richness of life” . As we grow older we may need to learn to balance both sides of that equation. So, here's wishing you all a festive season where “Love, clarity and authentic connections shine brighter than Christmas’ spent in a haze of intoxication”, in the words of @emma_supersonic, and may the universe send you just enough solitude as you need.
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SOBER IS SEXY One thing that always frustrated me is the misconception that sober people live very boring and prudish lives. Now, what better way to challenge and overcome that stigma than to do something outlandish that I would not have even comprehended doing in my drinking days! This is how the Sober is Sexy calendar was conceived, through two sober gents (Michael Sargood and myself) wanting to try something a little bit different in order to raise funds and awareness for Alcohol Change UK. Our idea was to create a “calendar girls”-style calendar including people in this wonderful sober community in order to challenge the “boring” stigma. We wanted to showcase how beautiful, amazing and most importantly sexy sobriety can be, and how we are able to push ourselves out of our comfort zone, get our kits off and have some fun along the way. But it was also a great opportunity to really tell our stories, show people who we are, and display what sobriety means for us. Last year, in record time, we managed to pull together the 2023 Sober is Sexy calendar, which was a huge success, raising £2,151.75 for ACUK.
And this time, we are back and we aim to make things bigger than ever! For 2024, we are featuring a brand new line-up of incredible and beautiful sober models, including superstars such as Abi Feltham and Carmela Rodia. We were so delighted and grateful for the support, donations and love we received last year that it was a no brainer to do this again. I am so excited for how the calendar is going to turn out with each model showcasing not only their beautiful selves, but also reflecting their amazing personalities in their calendar pictures. We are currently in the process of creating the calendar, and we aim to get these available to buy in Q4, ahead of Christmas for the perfect stocking filler. All proceeds made by the calendar will go to Alcohol Change UK. If you are interested in learning more and signing up to be notified when the calendar is released, then you can do so by registering at https://sobersocials.co.uk/sober-is-sexy-2024 Thank you all so much, and I cannot wait for you all to see our naked bodies!
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EMBRACING AN AF LIFE: THE BIRTH OF AF.TER PARTY For many, the decision to embark on an Alcohol-Free life marks a life-altering and liberating journey. It was precisely this transformative experience that inspired me to create the brand @AF.ter_Party, and I hosted an event, with the support of The Sober Guys, dedicated to celebrating sobriety and challenging societal norms surrounding alcohol consumption on 29th October, at Terrace NQ, Manchester. We had guest speakers including Janey Lee Grace, Paul Briley (who came from USA!) and Michael Sargood. The launch of AF.ter Party sprouted from my personal journey, a path laden with both challenges and revelations. The event was a platform for me to share my personal journey to living AF, spanning over three years. It commenced with a pivotal moment shared with a sibling during a run, leading to the courageous proclamation, "I think I might actually try and quit alcohol." This decision was groundbreaking, signalling a departure from societal norms and family routine. My drinking journey started when I was in my teens, and my university days were characterised by heavy alcohol use and always being the last one standing. I became an ‘expert’ in writing mitigating circumstances letters for late submission of assignments, looking back I probably spent most of my time on them as I did my essays! As the years went by after University, I knew I was drinking too much, and I had comments of concern from people who were closest to me. It was a revelation after I stopped drinking alcohol, that I was using it as a stress-coping mechanism, and social lubricant but a few years ago it was clear that it was having a detrimental impact on my mental and physical well-being. In a heartfelt speech, I spoke about the loss of my Uncle, who died recently after a short illness related to alcohol consumption. Like most of his generation, he was a ‘grey area’ drinker. He rarely drank before 6pm and he held down a demanding job. He certainly wasn’t tee-total but neither was he a ‘rolling drunk’. My Uncles sudden death re-enforced my decision to embrace life and ditch the booze for good.
At the heart of AF.ter Party lies a profound desire to create an environment where sobriety is not only accepted but also celebrated. I felt in such a privileged position to emphasise the incredible benefits experienced post-sobriety, reinforcing the importance of fostering an inclusive space where people can open up about their struggles, beyond solely alcohol-related issues. At the event I highlighted the multi-layered benefits gained from embracing an AF life. From rediscovering authenticity and confidence to nurturing healthier relationships, redefining self-perception, improved physical health and a significant improvement in my symptoms of depression and anxiety. I have newfound determination, drive, and passion. I have more time, time to be a more present parent and I’ve become a morning person! Becoming a sobriety coach and championing the message of embracing an alcohol free life publicly became defining moments of my journey. AF.ter Party, in essence, is an ongoing mission and extends beyond a singular event; it's part of a movement aimed at reducing stigma and creating a supportive space for individuals exploring the 'grey area' of alcohol consumption. The vision encompasses expanding support for those seeking abstinence and advocating to normalise sobriety in our culture. I aim to challenge the prevailing attitudes toward alcohol and inspire a shift in societal perceptions. It's a stance against the glamorization of alcohol in media and an advocacy for effective support systems catering to individuals navigating an alcohol free life. Unveiling the Next AF.ter Party Event: Join Us in Manchester this January! Following the resounding success of our previous AF.ter Party event, I am thrilled to announce that we're back with another empowering and engaging gathering, set to take place in Manchester this January! I have teamed up with Karl Considine – founder of the Manchester ‘pop up’ bar, Love From. The outpouring of support, enthusiasm, and heartwarming feedback from our previous event has been nothing short of inspiring. Comments like "Andy’s take on alcohol-free living is down to earth, realistic, and speaks from his own experience" and "The talks were literally mind-blowing!!!" resonate deeply with my mission to create a space where sobriety is celebrated and embraced.
The success of my previous event was not just about talks and speeches; it was about creating an atmosphere where individuals from all walks of life, ages, and backgrounds could come together to share stories, learn, and celebrate a new way of life. Stay tuned on my Instagram account @Af.ter_Party for exciting updates and more details about the upcoming event. Join us as we continue to break barriers, challenge stigmas, and celebrate the beauty of sobriety in Manchester this January!
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I chose to inspire other people by action and sharing my positive experiences. The choice to live an AF life isn’t devoid of difficulties, but the benefits I have experienced, support from family and ever-growing number of sober friends feeds my momentum.
From heartfelt testimonials expressing a newfound sense of belonging, to the thrill of navigating a bar without the usual (alcoholic) drink in hand, the feedback has been overwhelming: "I lost sight of it being alcohol-free at one point. Everyone was chatting and laughing with a drink in hand. It was like any normal party but no one being a lairy knob head or falling over." "The AF-ter Party event was buzzin'. It was such a welcoming and inclusive community there was absolutely no stigma or shame alluded to regarding alcohol." "The talks were so engaging that you would have heard a pin drop in that room because there was just absolute silence and focus on every word." "I attended the AF-ter Party event and it was buzzin' the place was full and lively. It was such a welcoming and inclusive community there was absolutely no stigma or shame alluded to regarding alcohol. I have not stopped thinking about the day, and it felt more like a celebration of discovering a new way of life."
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Never Too Old to Quit Alcohol use in older adults has been trending upwards over the years, particularly among women. One epidemiological study determined that in the United States between 2001 and 2013, among people 65 and older, the rate of alcohol use disorder increased 107%. (1) There is no doubt that COVID and the resulting isolation increased this number considerably. I am one of those older adults. My path to problem drinking began later in life. Although I had lots of unaddressed childhood trauma including family violence, parental alcohol abuse, divorce, early loss of my parents and loss of a child, I was pretty much a take-it-or-leave it drinker. I drank socially, never alone. Then, in my mid-50s I was hit with a multitude of contributing factors, menopause, empty nesting, step-parenting and working as a social worker in child welfare where I was exposed to secondary traumatic stress and system stress on a daily basis, I found myself coming home from work and escaping with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, then two, then three, then the entire bottle. Repeat. My friends and colleagues had no idea how bad it had gotten, but my family did. On July 12, 2019, after an out-of-control drinking episode on the previous evening, my adult daughter, Lindsay sat down in front of me and said, “Mom, if you don’t do something about your drinking, you will not be able to have the relationship you want with me, Jason and the kids.” At that moment, the price for continuing to drink became too high and I never picked up another glass. It was certainly not all rainbows and unicorns. I was angry and believed that I would be the most boring person on the planet when I stopped drinking. What I discovered is that I am a much better mother, teacher, partner, friend, and colleague as a sober person. I am a much better listener – I don’t need to be the center of attention anymore. In fact, I love my new role as an observer, getting to know people, and connecting on a much deeper level.
Peggi Cooney
As a Social Work Instructor/Coach with a Master's in Social Work, I have spent 16 years in Child Welfare and Adult Protective Services as a social worker. Since getting sober, I have become a sobriety advocate and have developed quite a following through Facebook, Instagram, and my website This Side of Alcohol.
https://thissideofalcohol.com/
My family can count on me because I am predictable and present. My grandchildren feel safe around me, especially when I am the only one in the room who is not drinking. Case in point: Last week, I got a phone call from my granddaughter, Rylan, asking for a girls’ sleepover. I cannot think of a better benefit from being sober than that. I have a third more to my day. I sleep at night, lost ten pounds, exercise, journal every day, wrote a book and am starting on my second. I am very active in the recovery world because being of service and hearing other peoples’ stories ground me in my own sobriety. My health is better, my brain is no longer foggy, and I love knowing I will never have another hangover again. And then, there’s the science. Once you know what alcohol does to our bodies (thanks to books like This Naked Mind/Annie Grace and Alcohol Explained/William Porter) I know I can never go back. I love to know that my decision to stop drinking gives me a better chance of adding years to my life. The good news is older adults have the best recovery rate in alcohol addiction of any age group. I am so grateful to be among them. (1) Sugarman, D and Greenfiled, S. “Rising Alcohol Use Among Older Adults”. September 21, 2021. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/rising-alcoholuse-among-older-adult-202109242599 on October 30, 2023.
I’ve been here before. The silence in the evenings. The utter lack of mess. The peaceful meals. No giggles at the table, no “who’s going to do the dishes?” I remember the first parenting course I went on, one of the opening phrases from the facilitator was about how parenting is as much about letting them go as it is about holding on tight. So here I am, saying goodbye to my youngest. Only this time he isn’t going to uni 4 hours away, he’s off to the other side of the world for some time. Maybe years. “Don’t cry mum” he says as I hug him for the umpteenth time. I don’t cry. I’m happy for him, of course. I wouldn’t want anything less than for him to have the freedom and confidence to go out into the world and pursue his dreams. And I can visit. The first couple of nights are strange. I find myself with tears rolling down my cheeks. A kind of warm wholesome grief. The grief that something important is over. My mothering years. Decades, lets face it. The first thing I do is deep clean the kitchen, then get sad that’s it’s not going to immediately get messy again. I decide to make him proud by trying out some of his plant-based recipes. I find a bar of vegan chocolate in the kitchen cupboard he’s bought and enjoy it just that little bit more.
I keep coming across little things of his, which I carefully fold and put in a storage box to go in the back of the airing cupboard. A kind of weird non-bereavement, I feel guilty for my self-indulgence. I tell myself to stop being so selfish. I have a bath and put on a pair of socks he gave me before tucking myself in for the night. “Weirdo” I say to myself.
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The Empty Nest I decide the only thing to do is to invite friends for supper, which is great. And so far I have a 100% success rate of making my own lunches, which is saving a fortune on takeouts and also gives me a smug feeling of having my life together. I’ve been for two long woodland walks this week with good friends and solo supper club is going well. A month in and I am smashing the empty nesting. I think. Mainly because I have done this before and know that selfcare and connection are key. I might even get to the gym soon.
By Clare Honeyfield helps women entrepreneurs to build their 5-star life and business on their own terms so they can live in abundance and contentment and contribute to a better world. Clare is an award winning business founder, a bestselling author and a highperformance coach who is sober.
THE SOBER EDIT PAGE 40 After a stellar start in drinks as a Michelin Star Mixologist on both sides of the pond in the 90’s, initially at Marco Pierre White’s Canteen in Chelsea and Michael Caine’s South Beach Brasserie in South Beach, Miami, Alex followed these roles with a colourful stint in Corporate Hospitality in the 00’s. Then, in 2017 after an ‘aha’ moment, Alex decided to choose the path of sobriety and was inspired to launched Sober Sommelier Ltd, becoming a leading influencer in the alcohol-free space.
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SOMMELIER Ah, it’s that time of year again! No sooner have you put the pumpkins and fireworks away, then ‘bingo’ up go the Christmas lights on the high street and the John Lewis advert is tugging on the heart strings. I am a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to the ‘Festive Season’ and as a result don’t really kick into gear until well into December, however that doesn’t stop me planning all the delicious no and low drinks, cocktails and tipples I will be creating and quaffing during ‘silly season’ in midNovember. It seems funny to call it ‘silly season’ now as for me that doesn’t really apply, the days of December being a month of boozy work dos, painful hang overs and zero productivity are now thankfully a distant, if not slightly excruciating memory. Almost 7 years ago, when I started my sobriety journey, this time of year would be tricky to navigate and somewhat triggering, the no and low options being severely limited while those drinking alcohol, often un-appreciatingly spoilt for choice, would perpetually ask me ‘what’s wrong with you?’ or question patronisingly ‘is everything ok?’ given my ‘alarming’ and in their view ‘pathetic abstinence’.
Alex Norwood Hill is one of the resident Alcohol-Free mixologists at the much-lauded wellness space, Fire and Alchemy in Shoreditch, recently featured in Hello Magazine. He is co-founder of ‘Sober Sound System’ with Nick Hayes (aka Mr Purple), a regular ‘zero proof and high vibe’ clubbing experience with carefully selected dj’s and the finest alcohol-free cocktails, currently held at Club Soda AF Tasting Rooms in London’s Covent Garden and was featured in this December’s Cosmopolitan Magazine. He has also just been invited to join the judging panel of the highly prestigious Word Alcohol Free Awards in March 2024, alongside a number of highly respected figures in the No and Low drinks space.
Find The Sober Sommelier here: https://linktr.ee/alexnorwoodhill
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Thanks to the incredible Sober Community and the ground-breaking No and Low drinks movement, an ever-growing roster of delicious and innovative alcohol-free liquids are now available and ‘sober shaming’ is thankfully dissipating. Mindful drinking and ‘taking a break’ are longer seen as ‘odd behaviour’ but instead a conscious and socially acceptable lifestyle choice, as part of a collective shift by society towards more embodied holistic wellness. In my humble opinion, the key to a successful sober Festive Season is to make sure that you are properly equipped with the finest alcohol-free beverages close at hand for every ‘moment’ or ‘occasion’ you are faced with, whether it be a kitchen supper at home or a Christmas party ‘out out’! Preparation is essential, so get stocked up early and if you are going to someone else’s event or a restaurant / bar always check ahead as to what alcohol-free options are on offer. If it transpires their no and low offerings are not satisfactory, ask if you can bring your own selection, most hosts and venues will be more than happy to accommodate you. I have been known to turn up to a Christmas party with a fully stocked alcohol-free bar wheeled in on my very snazzy Fortnum and Mason’s cool box and by the end of the party most of the booze guzzling guests end up drinking my creations as they taste far better than the offerings made with alcohol. So what are the ‘must have’ no and low drinks that will be making up my festive bar this Christmas? When it comes to fizz, Copenhagen Sparkling Tea is very hard to beat and Thomson and Scott’s Noughty Organic Sparkling Chardonnay and Zeno Liberated Sparkling NV both make great ‘working fizz’ for that AF Champagne moment. When it comes to aperitvo time, my ‘go to’ libation at the moment is the mind blowing and ‘hero liquid of 2023, the bittersweet Botivo, lovingly hand crafted with notes of apple cider vinegar, gentian, wormwood and honey, served simply over ice, with soda and a slice. Alternatively, a refreshing and zingy Christmas spritz is always well received, using either Wilfreds Aperitif, packed with zesty bitter orange, aromatic rosemary a hint of rhubarb or Everleaf Forest brimming with exotic botanicals of saffron, vanilla and orange blossom. Never one to miss out on the traditional festive bloody-mary, my alcohol-free version blends Bax Botanics Verbena with Longbottom Co Virgin Mary mixer and a handful of condiments including celery salt, fresh horseradish, fresh nutmeg, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco, heaps of All the Bitter 0% Orange bitters and a stick of fresh celery.
When it comes to the perfect alcohol-free G and T, Sea Arch, Warners Juniper Double Dry 0% and new kid on the block Hallets, are all superb zero-proof spirits and compliment perfectly with a few dashes of All the Bitter 0% Aromatic bitters and Double Dutch premium tonic. These award-winning alcohol-free bitters are jam packed with Christmassy flavours including cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves, enhancing any drink they are added to and are an absolute ‘must ingredient’ when I whip up a festive alcohol-free Mulled Wine using Rochester Organic Mulled Berry Punch. Drinks that pair with food and finding a decent ‘wine moment’ liquid cannot be underestimated at this time of year. For red wine alternative see Zeno alcohol liberated red overflowing with delicious pronounced aromas of red and black forest fruits, sweet spices and sweet green pepper. Oddbird GSM Non-Alcholic Red and DC Red Shiraz are both excellent, but if I am to leave you with once nugget of absolute gold, to take your alcohol free red wine to the next level (given most are a bit thin and missing the all-important tannins) I recommend adding at least 5 dashes of All the Bitter 0% New Orleans bitters. Brimming with milk thistle seed, dandelion root and Schisandra berry it turbo charges any alcohol free red wine boosting the viscosity, mouth feel and depth of taste to an exalted height. For a white wine alternative, I prefer kombuchas or fermented teas as their smokey complexity is better equipped when married with punchy food pairings. Real Drinks Dry Dragon Tea or Peony Blush rosé are both delicious as is Saicho Darjeeling which is exceptional.
A festive no and low bar would not be complete without a few notable alcohol-free beers, and mine is no exception. I am a big fan of Leffe 0% (makes a mean shandy with Botivo – thanks Alice Lascelles for the tip off), the classic and well-loved beer Lucky Saint, the brilliant Guiness 0% and my ale of choice is the locally brewed to me in East Sussex, Harveys Best Bitter 0.5%. Cocktail wise, I plan to make a colourful festive Pomegranate Cosmopolitan using the ground breaking, mood enhancing GABBA spirts Sentia Red, a spicy pineapple Piquante Margarita with fresh green chilly and the stunning Kahol Anjejo 0% Tequila and a peppy zero proof Expresso Martini with the brain activating, functional Three Spirit Livener. And what does The Sober Sommelier leave out for Santa on Christmas eve? It has to be either Lyres’s yummy Non-Alcoholic Amaretti served over ice or the luxurious after dinner sipping spirit and one of the breakthrough liquids of 2023 (apart from Botivo #obvs), the award winning Pallini Limonzero. It’s the most divine alcoholfree Limoncello in the world and is guaranteed to have your taste buds singing ‘ding-dong merrily on high’ all over the Festive Season! ‘Chin Chin and Happy Holidays (as they say across the pond!) my darling sober chums!’
Ten years ago, my alcohol addiction was so severe that I needed alcohol in my bloodstream twenty-four hours a day, otherwise I would suffer severe physical and mental withdrawal symptoms. That level of addiction is what I will try to describe. As a simple description, being an alcoholic is like trying to balance out a seesaw. On one side of the seesaw sit the withdrawals. I needed to drink in the morning to feel ‘normal’ again. If I could drink just enough to eliminate the withdrawal symptoms, I could pass as functional and get on with my day. But alcohol addiction doesn’t work like that. Once I started to feel ‘balanced’, I couldn’t resist the urge to continue drinking. Consequently, the seesaw became weighted down on the opposite side as I got drunker and less able to function. This is how the cycle continued day by day. On a more personal note, as an alcoholic, I was terrified, lonely, and ashamed. I was absolutely petrified. I understood that I was physically and psychologically addicted to alcohol but there was a distressing element to the addiction that overpowered my free will. It was as if I’d been possessed by an external force that was controlling my actions. I felt a strange sensation of being an observer of my own actions. I saw myself buying and drinking alcohol, wishing that I could just make myself stop. It was like I still existed within myself, but I had been suppressed and silenced while addiction held the reigns. Alcoholism created a heightened state of anxiety in me. I was on the verge of a panic attack most of the time. I woke each day after four hours sleep to tremors, shakes and a racing heart. Then the panic set in; I needed to find the alcohol I had stashed the night before, desperately hoping that there was some left in the bottle. My waking hours would be spent obsessing over the next drink, specifically where I would get it from and when would I be able to drink it. The only time I felt calm was when I passed out or fell asleep again.
I felt totally alone in addiction. I have never felt a loneliness like it since. As I hadn’t spoken to anyone other than my husband about my alcoholism and we were both struggling to understand it, I felt like this was a very personal nervous breakdown with symptoms exclusive to me. I thought I had lost my mind, and would never get better. My husband’s support didn’t ease how lonely my experience of addiction was. It was only when I attended AA in sobriety that I realised how universal my experience was among alcoholics. And I was so ashamed. I was ashamed that I had become an alcoholic, that I had brought it on myself, and that I didn’t have the willpower to stop drinking. When I allowed myself to envisaged recovery, I felt the burning shame of everyone knowing that I didn’t drink anymore because I was an alcoholic. Kate Davidson Twitter: @sunnykatewrites Substack: @sunnykatewrites
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WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC
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The Higher Self: A Journey Beyond Alcohol The concept of a “higher self” represents our trustiest and most authentic self. It’s believed that this is part of us that transcends the limitations of our physical world and is connected to a divine or universal consciousness. The higher self is often seen as a source of guidance and inspiration, helping us navigate through life and make decisions that are aligned with our true purpose and highest good. I view your higher self as the self that knows exactly what you need and often pushes you towards this way of living. Your higher self is intuitive and if we follow our intuition, we can only live a life of abundance. Many people who give up alcohol or take prolonged breaks or have thought about removing alcohol for a while. I believe that this is their higher self and intuition leading them on a path of health and purpose. Ask yourself, have you thought about not drinking alcohol? Have you thought about how it has not been serving you and something has been off? If you were to follow this guidance, what else might you get clarity on? Sobriety gives you clarity and a healthy life. When you’re clear, you can get nudges from your higher self to grow yourself. Tony Robbins discussed human needs and stated that we need growth and contribution. Alcohol can block intuition and make it difficult to assess your higher self. Therefore, alcohol blocks your full potential. To reach our purpose, get growth, and contribution, we must listen to ourselves on this journey. Once I removed alcohol, I began to think of my purpose on this earth. I heard myself say write books and began to coach others. I feel like I’m growing daily with personal development and have had to work on limiting beliefs. I’m contributing to the alcohol-free movement to help others become sober and find their soul purpose. I’ve written and published two children’s books. Removing alcohol opens doors of possibilities.
Our higher self will guide us if we listen. Once we continue to follow the guidance, alcohol becomes less and less significant in our lives. We begin to learn about our true self when we remove alcohol. This is where we have to address our emotional state, limiting beliefs, people pleasing, boundaries, and mindset. This can feel heavy for many, and this can fool you into thinking alcohol helps. Your authentic self, your highest self knows exactly what you need. That’s why surrounding yourself with sober communities and support is instrumental in your sober journey. Invest in yourself and trust the process. Removing alcohol is only the beginning to finding your soul’s purpose. Start to ask your higher self what your purpose is. Just be open to guidance, trust yourself, and get help as needed. Chrissy Janiga Mindset Coach www.chrissyjaniga.com Instagram @chrissyjaniga
Why do we pair yoga with sobriety? Here are some of the key reasons! Stress Reduction One of the main reasons we are led to drink is stress. When you first quit drinking or take a break from it, you might experience big emotions. Yoga supports us in stress reduction & relaxation techniques, including breath-work practices and meditation practices. By incorporating these practices daily, we can better manage stress and anxiety. This will lower our levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, leading us to be in a calmer state. Emotional Healing Often when we go alcohol free, we might discover unresolved emotions. Yoga provides a safe and supportive place for emotional exploration and healing. Through yoga, we can tap into our emotions, release trauma, and develop emotional resilience required to navigate these challenges. Additionally, in our sober specific yoga classes, we have a welcoming and nonjudgemental space to connect and share our sober stories. This sense of belonging is a powerful motivator to stay committed to your journey.
Sober Girls Yoga: Stop drinking, start yoga & transform your life! In 2019, I took a month off of drinking. This was the direct result of my life falling apart. I was in credit card debt, I was anxious and depressed, and I didn’t like my job. I grew up in Toronto, but in my early twenties I moved to the Middle East. I had been living there for four years and was spending multiple nights a week at bottomless brunches and unlimited alcohol ladies nights. I realized something had to change. When I initially quit drinking, the plan was to quit for twenty-eight days. I didn’t realize that it would end up becoming a lifestyle choice that would change the course of my life. I got deeper into my yoga practice and I realized that yoga played a key role in helping me find strength and support. It helped me sustain my sobriety. It helped me develop my Mind-Body connection. This led me to create Sober Girls Yoga: a 30 / 60 Day Challenge which helps women change the entire trajectory of their lives, through obtaining key skills to aid in your sober journey: journaling, meditation, asana practice, and connection to community. The groups are small, with no more than ten participants in each program. Many participants later go on to join one of my online or in person Yoga Teacher Trainings, and/or join me on an International Yoga Retreat.
Building a Healthy Routine Consistency is essential in your early days, especially as you are trying to replace old habits with new, healthier ones. Yoga offers us a daily practice that will help establish commitment and self care. Your daily practice can be integrated onto your schedule and help you develop purpose and structure. This is key. Holistic Healing It’s not just about quitting drinking, it’s about building a healthier life. Yoga aligns with this goal. It supports individuals towards a balanced, fulfilling life. Yoga and sobriety are linked and the practice of yoga is powerful for your toolbox! It helps you build your mindbody connection, reduces stress, supports emotional healing, build a sense of community and a healthy routine. The benefits will extend far beyond your mat! Get grounded in time for the holidays and establish new routines to help send you into 2024 with a head start! Join us for our next Sober Girls Yoga 30 Day Challenge which will start on Saturday December 2, 2023. The link to join is here: https://www.themindfullifepractice.com/30-day-soberchallenge
See you there!
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The challenge is also excellent for people who are already alcohol free, but looking for some support and inspiration on their journey to stay the course.
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THE
LIFE
CHANGING POWER
OF
SOBER TRAVEL
The night it became undeniable that I had to get sober, I thought it was the end of everything. My entire identity revolved around being this larger than life traveler, complete with a full glass of wine in my hand, ready to take on the world. I think that was the root of the problem… believing so deeply that the world was something that needed to be “taken on” rather than something to be received with an open heart. I was standing at a precipice - do I stop traveling since the idea of traveling sober was so foreign and horrible? Or do I figure it out and be the best sober traveler the world has ever seen?! I had to follow the call of my heart to discover who I was without alcohol, and to prove to myself that the adventure didn’t end with sobriety . I used to see travel as a form of escape - much like my drinking was a way of checking out of my life, travel was a way to do the same. I was always running away, never running toward anything. Sober Travel has revealed the brilliance of running toward. Running toward my highest dreams, running toward a life I’m proud of, running toward the open arms of the world, running toward myself. The work of my life is sharing the life changing power of Sober Travel. I have found that exploring the world, really exploring it through sober eyes, has been the greatest act of self love. And to think, I almost missed it all! I’ve climbed more mountains, seen more sunrises, and remembered more conversations and meaningful moments than I could have ever dreamed of! In a culture of escapism and quick fixes, I believe that travel can bring you home to your most authentic self. That can be in the next town over, or across the globe! The world is waiting to welcome us with open arms. Nowadays, my travels are filled with meaningful experiences such as water purification ceremonies in Bali, canyoneering in the Philippines, wildlife expeditions in Borneo, and multi-day jungle treks in Laos! You can build a life that you don’t constantly have to escape from, a life that’s rich in nourishment and deeply aligned to your highest values. It’s true that life goes by pretty fast, if you don’t pay attention…you just might miss it! Here’s to being in full presence of it all. Lexie Polk Sober Travel Blogger Instagram: Lex.on.the.loose Blog: www.lexontheloose.com
CHECK OUT SOME FUN GIFTS IDEAS FROM THE SOBER FROOTCAKE HERE
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