a sugar-induced coma on the king sized bed, until it seemed only appropriate to check in to the onsite spa for a loll around the pool. For those of you all too familiar with the vernacular of the digital age, loll means to sit, lie or stand in a lazy and relaxed fashion. It does not mean to fall to the floor and ‘laugh out loud’. The spa is set amongst the hotel’s beautifully-appointed gardens and offers a range of treatments alongside its jacuzzi, heated pool, sauna and gym. I opted for a hot stone massage. Of course, it was only moments into the treatment that I fell into a trance. Having used all my energy to make small talk with the lovely staff, I drifted off. I awoke some time later feeling relaxed and soothed and decided the only thing to do was prop myself up in the relaxation area on a lounger with a lemon water. It would be another hour before my lady would appear, rejuvenated and raving about the Darphin Facial. Darphin produce custom-
ised skincare products from botanicals and essential oils, by the way. If you consider a good spa treatment to be something reserved for the fairer sex, you are somewhat misguided. I don’t carry much stress with me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t apprentice a deep tissue massage to soothe the muscles once in a while. Having purified our bodies, it only seemed appropriate we break the slumber with a stroll across the nearby Paradise Wood. The deer were in good form, strolling across the park with some of the males coming to about two metres. Having strolled as far as we could without going rambling, I decided it might be time to return to the well-stocked bar for a libation and perhaps a cigar. With a garden as beautiful as this, it seemed rude not to sit and admire the groundkeeper’s work. The double hammocks were a nice touch and despite the weather being a little inclement that day, we did manage to spend a good few hours the
following morning drifting in the breeze and soaking up the sunshine. As the sun set, we realised the pickled eggs and pork scratchings at the local Acorn Inn probably wouldn’t suffice, so decided that the hotel’s AA rosettes needed to be tested. Who can turn down a restaurant that has won Best British Cheeseboard? A staggering combination of different curds from the local area and beyond. Not to mention Dorset Restaurant of the Year. The restaurant is a typically country affair. In terms of style, there were a couple at the back who had opted to dress in a fashion that made them blend perfectly into the upholstery on the walls. They disappeared more than a few times. One of the few things that irks me at good restaurants is, well, to be honest, other diners. I always seem to end up sat next to card-carrying members of the malign Tight-Ass Club. People that look over at me with malcontent for wanting to talk to my partner over dinner. One can only hope that