The Rainbow Times' May 2017 Issue

2 • The Rainbow Times • TheRainbowTimesMass.com • 10th Year Anniversary

May 4, 2017 - June 1, 2017

The Rainbow Times launches event series Dispatches from the barbershop: Is it possible to

I

t is no surprise that people belonging to marginalized groups have been under considerable more stress in recent days. It is of no surprise that biased based crimes are being committed now more than ever in recent years. It is of no surprise that people have risen to challenge the oppressor. It is of no surprise.

In a recent casual conversation, a friend reminded me about the importance of selfcare during these tumultuous times. Sure, I knew about it and I am a believer in it, but was I still practicing it? The more I posited that very concept, the more I realized how I’ve grossly neglected myself in the process. But, the question is, when you’re committed to social justice, when the world is seemingly falling apart around you, how do you “indulge” in the simple pleasures of life without ignoring the critical work that needs to be done—not just for yourself, but also for others?

Since the last election cycle I have been in overdrive, to put it mildly. I’ve forgotten to smell the flowers along the way. I’ve forgotten to take a breath when I’ve needed it.

Like many of you, I’ve been on edge. I’ve wondered when the next “big hit” will come and although I do the best I can to avoid it, the angst of the certain uncertainty is paralyzing. I recognize a large part of that has to do with how those who are emboldened to act out on hate or prejudice have taken to the streets. It’s obvious everywhere, whether it derives from cowards that inscribe the swastika under the cover of night, or those who have targeted immigrant children in schools and families in communities.

Then, I remembered.

Even though things all around us may appear bleak and intolerable at times, I remember how much the LGBTQ community has overcome in the last few decades. I remember the good fight we’ve had and the good fight that still ensues.

And, then, I remembered to celebrate. We

have an obligation to ourselves and those who once were, to live fully, love fully and celebrate each other fully. No matter how harsh the winter, the flowers always bloom.

As a way to do this and as a part of The Rainbow Times’ 10th year anniversary celebration, we’ve launched a series of events throughout the rest of 2017 and leading into the New Year. While I cannot divulge all of the details just yet, it is an exciting time for the publication and for our community—a milestone, if you will.

First up will be our Pride Kick-off Sunset Cruise taking place on June 23 on the eve of North Shore Pride and departing from Salem, Mass. at 7 p.m. This harbor cruise is well over half sold out already and is bringing in some of the best local talent such as DJ Andrea Stamas, Drag Queen Kristi Kreamm, and as our honorary guest, Pulse Orlando Survivor Christopher Hansen. As June marks the first anniversary of the Pulse Orlando massacre, we will honor and celebrate the lives that were lost that fateful night. We will not forget. If you can, check out our Tribute to the Victims last year (https://goo.gl/3nDXdJ).

For more information about this cruise, including where to get tickets, check out page 16. We hope to see you there!

In the centerfold of this edition, you will find the pullout version of the New England Pride Map. In addition to the centerspread, this quick reference guide will be distributed as a pocket-sized, foldable, 11 x 17 glossy piece at the region’s largest Pride celebrations. Keep this one with you or look out for them at your pride fest.

The next up is the New England Pride Guide, to be released on June 1, 2017.

Amidst the work, the projects and the social justice fights, I realized that part of my self-care is taking pride in our community, in our gains, in our triumphs and struggles.

I remembered how important it is to celebrate our lives and accomplishments. I reRead the rest of this story at: http://wp.me/p22M41-4Nc

Small acts: Tremendous impact on others By: Paul P. Jesep*/TRT Columnist

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FAITH

ood Friday is the day Christians commemorate the crucifixion of Jesus before his resurrection on Easter Sunday.

Jesus chose death to show hope, mercy, forgiveness, and unconditional love for others.

On Good Friday, I received a thank you card from a gay man serving time in prison with whom I’ve corresponded with for about two years. There are many LGBTQ individuals in prison (https://goo.gl/vCpvxY) throughout the country. In general, abuse and violence is the norm for many in these environments and being identified as LGBTQ doesn’t help.

“Well, the journey is almost half over!

Parole is the last leg of this journey,” he wrote in his card. “I’m so honored that I crossed paths with you. Your unconditional friendship was something I never expected to find while in a place where manipulation for ‘survival’ is an art form.”

He continued, “Thank you for your understanding and positive support. Know the cards, the newsletters, and encouraging

words made a huge difference and impact on my life … I hope … I can change someone’s life as you’ve change [sic] mine!”

It’s in these real life experiences each of us is given empowering opportunities to connect with personal faith or spirituality in a meaningful way. One of the lessons Jesus shared was the need to break down walls. Everyone is an equal in the Christian community regardless of race, gender, wealth, conduct, and, of course, sexual orientation.

There are times in which faith is elusive for me. “Are my small efforts making a difference? Why bother?” The excerpt from the above card should dispel any doubt.

Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the injustice in the world. I take comfort in the words of Russian writer Tolstoy who observed in a short story, “You say you would do twice, ten times, a hundred times, more than you did. But if you did ten thousand times ten thousand more than all men have done, what would that have been in the work of God? A mere nothing! God’s work … is infinite. God’s work is you … your

See Small Acts on Page 23

deconstruct & rebuild the idea of masculinity?

HE EPITOMIZES STRAIGHT t’s difficult to find a good, affordable barber in Boston. I’ve lived in the city for nearly 13 MALE PRIVILEGE, SEXUAL years and have had my fair share of overpriced, subpar haircuts at Supercuts and an equal number of reason- AGILITY, AND THE POWER THAT

By: Mike Givens*/TRT Assistant Editor

OPINIONS

By: Nicole Lashomb*/TRT Editor-in-Chief

I

ably-priced, relatively decent haircuts at actual barbershops, most of which don’t specialize in cutting the hair of men of color.

Several years ago, I once had a white barber in downtown Boston preface my haircut with the fact that he doesn’t specialize in “my type of hair.” The fade he gave me was decent, but by no means great.

About two years ago, across the street from my home no less, a barber set up shop. A man of color, he specialized in “my type of hair” and has never given me anything less than a stellar haircut. I’ve consistently given him my business over the last two years.

Barbershops have consistently been a bastion of masculinity and maleness in American culture. They’re often places where sports, relationships, politics, and other superficial topics are jockeyed back and forth between customers and barbers alike, typically with music or sports blaring on radios and televisions in the background.

I’ve never felt comfortable in barbershops. They’ve always seemed to be places where masculinity—particularly toxic masculinity—permeate the air. The concept of maleness and allowing that identity to be on full display—with all its stereotypes and privileges—is an unspoken, but heavily guarded practice for cisgender, heterosexual men.

Once while sitting in the barber shop a

Letters to the Editor [Re: Existence of Trans People Should Not Be Up for Public Debate, Scrutiny] Dear Editor, Most, (dare I say all?), of these people who wish to deny our existence, do not want to understand us and therefore will never understand us. These people who fight our existence and rights, be it based on the Bible or just plain stupidity, only desire to have us go away so that they can avoid dealing with reality. As Jenny Boylan’s grandmother put “it’s hard to hate someone whose story you know.” Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there that have no desire whatsoever to get to know us or our stories ...

—Brianna Harris, Online [Re: Fenway: AHCA Would Harm LGBTs, People Living with HIV, Black & Latin@s] Dear Editor, I am sure this will impact we who are LGBT+ in more ways than we realize.

And what will happen when older people, the people who voted for Trump, when they realize they are being impacted by this, as well? —Stacy Sedgewood, Online

IS OFTEN BESTOWED UPON MEN SIMPLY FOR BEING BORN WITH A PENIS. customer sitting in the chair next to me said, “Only two people can touch your hair: your girl and your barber.” My interpretation of his statement was that “manliness,” in all its fragility, dictates that a man’s hair is sacrosanct, so important that it can only be handled by a (female) lover or the person (preferably a man) who is styling it.

My barber often brags to me about the number of women he’s slept with. He complains about them often; their neediness ...

See Masculinity on Page 23

The Rainbow Times The Freshest LGBT Newspaper in New England—Boston Based TheRainbowTimesMass.com editor@therainbowtimesmass.com sales@therainbowtimesmass.com Phone: 617.444.9618 Fax: 928.437.9618 Publisher Gricel M. Ocasio Editor-In-Chief Nicole Lashomb Assistant Editor Mike Givens National/Local Sales Rivendell Media Liz Johnson Lead Photographers Alex Mancini Steve Jewett Reporters John Paul Stapleton Christine Nicco Jenna Spinelle Chuck Colbert Al Gentile Chris Gilmore Keen News Service

Ad & Layout Design Prizm PR Webmaster Jarred Johnson Columnists/Guest* Lorelei Erisis Deja N. Greenlaw Paul P. Jesep Mike Givens Natalia Muñoz* Keegan O’Brien* Mike Yepes* Affiliations National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association NGLCC QSyndicate *Guest Freelancer

The Rainbow Times is published monthly by The Rainbow Times, LLC. TRT is affiliated with the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association, NLGJA, National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, NGLCC, and QSyndicate. The articles written by the writers, columnists, and correspondents solely express their opinion, and do not represent the endorsement or opinion of The Rainbow Times, LLC or its owners.

Send letters to the editor with your name, address and phone number to: The Rainbow Times (address shown above), or e-mail any comment/s to the editor-in-chief at: editor@therainbowtimesmass.com. All submissions will be edited according to space constraints. The Rainbow Times, LLC reserves the right not to print any or all content or advertisements for any reason at all. TRT is not responsible for advertising content. To receive The Rainbow Times at your home via regular mail, or through electronic delivery, please visit its website. The whole content and graphics (photos, etc.) are the sole property of The Rainbow Times, LLC and they cannot be reproduced at all without TRT’s written consent.

May 4, 2017 - June 1, 2017

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4 • The Rainbow Times • TheRainbowTimesMass.com • 10th Year Anniversary

PHOTO: FACEBOOK

May 4, 2017 - June 1, 2017

Pulse Orlando Survivor Christopher Hansen (center) will be North Shore Pride’s Festival and Parade Grand Marshal.

Pulse Orlando Survivor confirmed as North Shore Pride’s Grand Marshal SALEM, Mass.– North Shore Pride (NSP), celebrating its 6th year of community building, is proud to announce that Pulse Orlando survivor Christopher Hansen will be the Grand Marshal for the 2017 Pride Parade taking place in Salem, MA on Saturday, June 24th.

“I was going to start a new job that I was going to be a slave to for months on …,” said Christopher Hansen, 32, and a Pulse Orlando survivor. “I needed a night to forget [it] all. And, I went to Pulse.”

And Pulse has stayed with him since.

Many consider him a hero, an angel.

Hansen crawled out of Pulse and miraculously made it to safety and was physically unharmed. Instead of leaving the scene, he stayed as wounded victims were dragged from the nightclub to the street. Hansen helped carry those victims to safety. In videos, his voice is heard as he was trying to keep them alert. Hansen helped save two lives that night.

Hansen will also speak at the North Shore Pride Festival on the Salem Commons following the parade. Hansen will have multiple appearances at the 2017 NSP events below: 2017 North Shore Pride events: • THURS 6/22- Interfaith Service – 7:00 p.m. at Tabernacle Church, 50 Washington St., Salem, MA • FRI 6/23- Pride Kick-Off Sunset Cruise

by The Rainbow Times – Cruise departs at 7 p.m. from Pickering Wharf Marina, 74 Wharf St., Salem, MA • SAT 6/24 - North Shore Pride Parade & Festival – Parade begins at Salem Post Office on Margin St. and ends at Salem Commons where the festival will take place • SAT 6/24 - North Shore Pride After Party, Murphy’s Pub, 300 Derby St., Salem, MA • SUN 6/25 - Senior's Dance, 2-6 p.m. – Location and details to be announced “My spirit is full of warmth and comfort with the welcoming of North Shore Pride

in Salem, Massachusetts,” Hansen said. “I have always wanted to visit the beautiful town of Salem and revisit the history while creating our history. Pride is about celebrating who we are, who you are, who I am, and what we are about, unity. The unity or bond of our community is the people, and we all love. To share with you that we must keep dancing, I'm going to dance with you, Salem, and we're going to celebrate Pride together in honor of our risen angels from Pulse to Stonewall, even Matthew Shepard.”

“North Shore Pride is honored to have Pulse Orlando massacre survivor Christopher Hansen as our Grand Marshal for the 2017 NSP Parade & Festival,” said Hope Watt-Bucci, NSP President. “As we are soon approaching the one year anniversary of that horrific event, we will always remember and never forget our LGBTQIA community members who lost their lives that evening. North Shore Pride embraces this year’s theme of ‘Stronger Together’ as we join to celebrate the LGBTQIA community with [Chancen] Hansen at our side.”

About North Shore Pride North Shore Pride seeks to promote the general welfare, and enhance the social life of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community of the North Shore, and to promote the acceptance of the members of this community by the broader North Shore community. North Shore Pride engages in activities designed to promote greater understanding of LGBTQ issues and advocates on behalf of the LGBTQ community issues that are important to its members.

North Shore Pride engages in producing events with the purpose of fundraising for its activities and giving back to the community.

FMI visit North Shore Pride’s website at www.northshorepride.org, follow us on Twitter (https://goo.gl/j5xZ0m), and like us on Facebook (https://goo.gl/ss8R2Y).

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May 4, 2017 - June 1, 2017

GayBFF’s platonic social network launches in a world full of hookup apps

IN THE LIMELIGHT

By: Mike Givens/TRT Assistant Editor

Ruben Jauregui, CEO and founder of GayBFF, a new social media application, discussed his new app with The Rainbow Times and his hopes for the social network. Unlike apps like Tinder, Grindr, and several other social media platforms, GayBFF is solely for seeking platonic relationships, not sexual encounters.

Q: How old are you? What's your professional background?

A: I am 34 years old. I have been in the commercial real estate industry in Houston for almost 14 years. For the last 10 years, I have worked for one of the most recognized environmental consulting firms in Texas. I help lead our team to success by mentoring and developing them to maximize our impact in the commercial real estate community.

Q: Could you tell our readers about the process to create the app? Did you do it alone or were you supported by others?

Did you receive any sort of funding?

A: I, myself, have always struggled to meet other LGBTQ friends without going to a nightclub or bar. One day, I was watching a television interview with Laverne Cox that focused on trans rights. As I listened to her speak, I found myself wondering where people in the trans community go to meet other trans people and allies. As a tech-

minded millennial, I was dumbfounded. I realized there were no social networking apps for anybody in the community to meet like-minded peers. I decided that I needed to do my part to help change that.

The vision for GayBFF was my own, but I had a lot of help with my execution. I contracted [with] Appzio (https://appzio.com) to develop the app; friends help[ed] me with editing and content marketing; my cousin handles the graphic design; and my partner helps me with everything [information technology] related. It’s definitely a group effort!

I personally fund GayBFF, but I am open to partnering up with interested parties who would like to financially back GayBFF.

(https://goo.gl/1TAv20) The Huffington Post—Highline, we are between two and 10 times more likely than our straight peers to take our own lives, and we are twice as likely to have a major depressive episode.

In my opinion, this “hook up” culture that we have created is not always healthy for us—for many reasons—and can ultimately perpetuate our loneliness. I created GayBFF in order for us to create a supportive community with each other as well as our straight allies.

Q: As of today, do you have an estimate as to the number of downloads the app has gotten?

A: Since the app launched on April 4, over 6,000 users have downloaded GayBFF. Q: What feedback have you received thus far?

A: Not two days after we launched, we were featured in The Huffington Post— Queer Voices (https://goo.gl/eCZX14). I encourage everybody to check out their Facebook page—a lot of the comments are very encouraging. I have also had the opportunity to read what people in the community have had to say on social media, and most of the feedback has been very positive!

Q: Could you share your perspective on hookup culture and the need for an app like this?

A: It is still dangerously alienating to go through life as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer. According to

Q: Do you think that some people will download the app and use it for casual encounters and no-strings-attached sex regardless of the explicit focus on platonic relationships? If so, how do you feel about the app being used for that purpose?

A: Since I launched GayBFF, this question has been asked frequently on social media.

Obviously, there is no way for us to control its direct usage, but I will definitely encourage our users to report any incidents of inappropriate behavior. We also monitor our users’ profiles for inappropriate sexual content. I developed GayBFF for those of us in the community—and our straight allies—looking for platonic relationships.

GayBFF is so much more than a social networking app, and will change the way people meet.

Q: Any other thoughts you'd like to share about this app? Do you think it will rival the likes of Tinder or Grindr?

See GayBFF on Page 23

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May 4, 2017 - June 1, 2017

Osbourne on being open to dating women, celebs who fake gay & at drag club w/mom By: Chris Azzopardi*/Special to TRT

Hollywood spitfire and staunch LGBT ally Kelly Osbourne is feeling tense about her first book, There Is No F*cking Secret: Letters from a Badass B!tch. After all, “What if I change my opinion by the time it comes out?!” she says, laughing because it’s true.

Then there’s our revealing interview, where the opinionated 32-year-old actress, singer and now author—and daughter of Ozzy and Sharon—let her candid thoughts loose on topics ranging from her sexuality (“everybody’s gay”) to her openness about dating women and her issues with celebrities who feign lesbianism for publicity. And that recent controversy over her statement regarding President Donald Trump? She admits it really got to her. Turns out, even badasses cry sometimes.

Q: Kelly, your book, which covers your personal journey to self-acceptance, could have a positive influence on so many young people trying to find themselves.

A: Oh, thank you so much! It’s the most vulnerable thing I’ve done in a while, I can’t lie. I’m kind of like, oh my god, I’ve actually done this, because for the first time in my life I wanted to take my power back, and instead of people telling me who I am, I wanted to tell them.

Q: How much of your gay submergence do you credit to your mother?

A: It’s equally my mom and my dad. In rock ’n’ roll, you were the outcasts back then and outcasts tend to find each other,

especially in London.

Q: You recently wore a hat emblazoned with the words “I Am Gay.” Were you being literal?

A: You know my honest opinion? Everybody’s gay. It is a strictly human thing.

You can’t put a gender on love.

Q: Are you open to loving a woman?

A: I’m open to loving anybody. It’s about the person. I don’t think it’s about sexuality at all.

Q: You’ve been to a lot of LGBT events: Pride with your mom, where you shut down protesters; Elton John’s wedding.

What’s the most memorable gay event you’ve been a part of?

A: Oh my god, that’s so hard to pick! I can’t really think of an event that’s not a gay event.

When you really think about it, what major party have you ever been to that

was put on by a straight person? Because I can’t think of one.

Q: What scares you most?

A: The way that people feel totally lost, don’t feel safe. When people don’t feel safe, it manifests and comes out in evil ways. There’s a lot of evil going around right now when we were finally at a place where people were ready to love. Now people are just ready to point fingers, judge and blame.

I don’t get to vote. I’m still going through the process of citizenship in this country—if it goes through, because I don’t know how things are going to change. I do encourage people to vote, but when we went down to downtown L.A. to check out the marches after the election, I asked

people, “Who did you vote for?” Nine times out of 10, people said they didn’t vote. I was so confused! Like, why are you here?

But I have to keep to myself right now because I don’t want to enter into this political cannibalism that’s going on where people say stuff and then everyone just eats you alive for your opinion. Every attempt I have made in defending the (LGBT) community I somehow manage to fuck it up and piss everyone off. I cried over the backlash of the Donald Trump thing with my speech, because if you read my whole speech, you’d get what I was saying, but they put that one sentence in there and I was like, “You d!cks.”

Q: How are you feeling about where we are headed regarding LGBT rights?

A: I don’t know—and that’s what’s scary.

I mean, I’m sorry, you cannot give somebody the right to marry and then take it away from them. You can’t do that. You just cannot do that. But what I’ve learned right now, because everything is so confusing and every single day threats are made and until you fully understand what’s going on, it’s like, keep your opinion to yourself.

I’m aware that there’s gonna be a lot more to fight for in our present time. Until I know exactly what it is that I’m fighting for —everything keeps changing and one day this, one day that, and no one can figure out whose side to be on. People can only figure out how to hate, and I refuse to do that.

To read the rest of this story visit: http://wp.me/p22M41-4N6

May 4, 2017 - June 1, 2017

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10 • The Rainbow Times • TheRainbowTimesMass.com • 10th Year Anniversary

May 4, 2017 - June 1, 2017

Trump’s unprecedented attacks on LGBTQ community President Donald J. Trump has appointed instead of dividing us, Donald Trump has

PHOTO: GAGE SKIDMORE

cabinet members, justices and signed executive orders directly attacking members of the LGBT community, according to continuous reports by the Human Rights Campaign (www.hrc.org/trump).

To maintain a record of such attacks, the HRC has started a timeline that chronicles Trump’s first 100 days in office and lists the incidents one by one (on video https://goo.gl/hWjXJu), as it spotlights efforts to undermine the LGBTQ community from “rescinding guidelines protecting transgender students, to appointing Jeff Sessions to the nation’s highest law enforcement post, to threatening a ‘license to discriminate’ Executive Order and erasing LGBTQ people in federal data gathering—as well as how the community is fighting back.” The timeline will be updated daily, according to the organization.

“Since the moment he walked into the Oval Office, Donald Trump has attacked our progress and undermined the rights of countless Americans,” said HRC President Chad Griffin. “After promising to be a president for all Americans, Trump has stacked his cabinet with anti-LGBTQ officials, rescinded protections for transgender students, pushed a Muslim ban and draconian deportation orders, and is reportedly considering a license to discriminate order. But

Your June Ad in The Rainbow Times.

united us. Never before have Americans been more eager to participate, to advocate and to fight back. And today, HRC and our grassroots army are harnessing the full power of our democracy to protect our progress and resist Donald Trump’s attacks.”

In the run up to the 100 day mark, HRC is also launching a social campaign spotlighting 100 Messages of Hope that highlight how people have come together—and to encourage people to post their own messages.

Since Inauguration Day, HRC members and supporters have logged hundreds of thousands of calls, e-mails and meetings with members of Congress to rally for the Affordable Care Act, to fight Trump’s nomination of antiLGBTQ Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch and other appointees, to lobby for the Equality Act and more. HRC has also mobilized tens of thousands of supporters for protests outside the White House to #ProtectTransKids and join grassroots rallies across the nation—including the Women’s March and Save Our Care events.

Some of Trump’s most disgraceful actions targeting the LGBTQ community include: • Rolling back (https://goo.gl/09lpNN) Title IX guidance detailing critical school

See Trump’s Attacks on Page 23

Look for the glossy pocket-sized version at your pride.

Look for the glossy pocket-sized version at your pride.

Look for the glossy pocket-sized version at your pride.

New England Pride Map! • New England Pride Map! Look for the glossy pocket-sized version at your pride.

New England Pride Map! • New England Pride Map!

• The Rainbow Times’ New England Pride Map • 13

www.therainbowtimesmass.com

• www.therainbowtimesmass.com

12 • The Rainbow Times’ New England Pride Map

Look for the glossy pocket-sized version at your pride.

Look for the glossy pocket-sized version at your pride.

Look for the glossy pocket-sized version at your pride.

New England Pride Map! • New England Pride Map! Look for the glossy pocket-sized version at your pride.

New England Pride Map! • New England Pride Map!

• The Rainbow Times’ New England Pride Map • 11

www.therainbowtimesmass.com

• www.therainbowtimesmass.com

14 • The Rainbow Times’ New England Pride Map

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May 4, 2017 - June 1, 2017

Much-needed support for trans community can come in different forms By: Deja Nicole Greenlaw*/TRT Columnist

A

TRANS OPINION

fter being deep in my closet for five decades, I finally reached out for support. It was in late 2001, just two months after the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and reportedly the White House. It was a scary time and I knew that I finally had to begin dealing with my gender issues before my life was over. With the attacks I realized that at any time and at any place some religious extremist could end my life. It was then that I knew I had to address my gender issues right away.

I tried to find a therapist, but back in 2001 there were not many therapists who knew anything at all about trans people. I found that the therapists that I saw knew much less about trans people than I did. After giving up on therapists, I decided to contact a local trans support group.

That was the beginning of my support. From that group I found out that I was not alone in struggling with my gender identity. All of the people I met in the group had similar stories to mine. I immediately felt a sense of community. Through the support group I found out where to go to

purchase clothes, wigs, and makeup, what bars and various events I could patronize, while dressed as female, and about other local support groups. Suddenly, a whole new world opened up to me. I no longer felt

get immediate feedback in person.

Since 2001, I have watched many folks receive help from trans support groups, both in-person groups and online groups.

Online groups are wonderful, too, but I pre-

STILL, THERE ARE OTHERS WHO PRETTY MUCH GO IT ALONE AND DON'T HAVE MUCH CONTACT WITH OTHERS IN THE TRANS COMMUNITY. alone and scared.

Maybe it was because the group was my initial form of support, but I do recommend support groups that meet in person for most people who are dealing with their gender struggles. There was something about meeting and talking to people face-to-face that really helped me. How to do things, how to approach them, dealing with family, friends, and workplaces, dealing with church groups and various clubs, and basically dealing with everyday life were the questions that I asked and received answers on what to do and what not to do. Afterwards, I could discuss my successes or failures with the group and get various opinions on maybe what I did or what I should have done instead. It was great to

fer groups that meet in person. Not everyone feels like I do, however, and many folks rely on online groups and online friends to help them with their gender struggles. I think that online support groups do fill important needs for these folks and it is truly wonderful to go online and feel an immediate sense of community and support.

Still, there are others who pretty much go it alone and don't have much contact with others in the trans community. Usually these people have support systems of their own. Many of these folks have a significant other, friend, or a family member who loves, accepts, and helps them so they might not need to seek out additional help.

This is great. The main thing is to have sup-

port.

Since 2001, I've noticed that therapists have come a long way and now are becoming well versed in dealing with trans people and the struggles that trans people face. I've heard many good stories from trans folks who were greatly helped by their therapists.

Some of these therapists recommend that their clients attend an in-person support group to meet others who are like minded.

Sometimes the value of an in-person support group is warranted. I help run a local trans support group and I've noticed that many new members have been referred to our group by their therapists. Sometimes in-person support groups really help others in finding a sense of community and belonging.

So, I guess that it really doesn't matter where you get your support from, but rather that you have a place where can you go to get information, receive support, and find a feeling of acceptance. The most important support we can get, in my humble opinion, are the feelings that we are no longer alone, that we are okay, and that we are worthy of living our lives. The rest is gravy. *Deja Nicole Greenlaw is a trans woman who has 3 grown children and is retired from 3M. She can be contacted via e-mail at: dejavudeja@sbcglobal.net.

The epidemic of misgendering trans people must end immediately, it’s hurtful By: Lorelei Erisis*/TRT Columnist

I

PHOTO: DAVID MEEHAN

ASK A TRANS WOMAN

have a new rule. Whenever somebody misgenders a trans person, the proper response will be to apologize. Briefly, correct yourself immediately, and then proceed to give half of however much money you have in your wallet to the trans person you have misgendered.

This will work quite well, I think.

To begin with, trans people will have a way easier time getting over the hurt of being misgendered. Trust me, as a waitress of many years, I know nothing eases a multitude of offenses better than a fistful of cash at the end of it all.

As for the rest of you, the misgenderers, I bet it'll get way easier for you to start consistently getting our pronouns right with a little financial incentive.

Obviously, I'm not entirely serious about this proposal—only because I'm pretty sure it would be impractical to enforce. However, when I mentioned this idea to a group

THE RAINBOW TIMES DIVERSE............just like our team is OBJECTIVE..........someone has to be INCLUSIVE........no one is left behind .....That is HOW media should be.....

of trans people recently, it is illustrative that they all immediately understood where I was coming from and enthusiastically agreed it would be an excellent plan.

Speaking for myself, I get misgendered a lot. If I'm out and about, it happens on average at least once or twice a day, if not more. Mostly it’s by entirely well-meaning people. It's honestly pretty rare that anyone misgenders me intentionally or maliciously, though that has happened.

Most people simply aren't thinking.

When people encounter me, they hear my strong voice and my direct manner and they register that I am, more often than not, taller than they are. Things they automatically associate with masculinity, with men.

And the words that come out of their mouths are, “he, him, his.”

It doesn't matter that I'm really pretty femme-y, or that I have long blonde hair, great legs, well-proportioned breasts, and a feminine frame generally, albeit on a somewhat larger scale than most women. It doesn't matter that I'm wearing a dress, or even that I am a genuine pageant queen— the ultimate affirmation of stereotypical western femininity.

Even when they are trying to be polite, they call me, "sir."

Frankly, it's easy to see the automatic nature of the misgendering.

The misgendering when pointed out is almost always followed by a slight flash of embarrassment at the realization of their insensitivity.

If I was a sociologist looking in, I'd be fascinated. But I'm not. I'm trans and I am not watching, I'm just trying to live my life.

THERE’S NO HESITATION OR QUESTION AT ALL OF THE PRONOUNS TO USE WITH ME. THEY HAVE A VESTED INTEREST, SO THEY GET IT RIGHT. And honestly, I know it's not that hard to get a person's pronouns right. All it takes is the slightest amount of attention to one's surroundings and a small degree of sensitivity.

Think, for just one second, and make a conscious effort to readjust any automatic reactions and assumptions. I know that people are capable of doing this, because I see it work all the time.

As a tall person, I am often asked by little old ladies in supermarkets if I can get something down from the top shelves for them. And let me tell you, as soon as they need something, they get my pronouns exactly right. It's all, "excuse me ma'am," and "thank you miss," and "isn't she sweet."

There's no hesitation or question at all of the pronouns to use with me. They have a vested interest, so they get it right.

All of this is both frustrating and absurd for me. I tend to present myself as quite femme. I wear skirts and dresses pretty much every day. Not because of any archaic ideas about how a woman should dress. I'm pretty much the only woman in my family or even close circle of friends who wears a dress anything more than oc-

casionally. A woman should dress how a woman wants.

But for me, there is no androgyny. I cannot just put on jeans and a t-shirt. I know that doing so will get me sir'd and generally misgendered all day.

So even though I do, thankfully, identify as a femme, I dress far femmier on a regular basis than I always feel. It’s just short of a freaking, blinking neon sign that says, “Hey! I’m a girl! Use she/her pronouns please!”

I do it because all that misgendering wears on me.

Although people mean well, and although they might not even notice themselves all the he's and him's, I hear them all.

Even the quiet, quick misgenderings sound to me like they have been screamed in my face.

All of that misgendering adds up and wears me down.

And I'm lucky! My gender is fairly straightforward and binary. None of my pronouns are unfamiliar and no one ever argues with me that the words I use to idenRead the rest of this story at: http://wp.me/p22M41-4N3

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QPuzzle: “Rainbow Flag” closer to Pride

Across 1 The Oscars, and others 6 "Woe ___!" (Hamlet) 10 Greek war deity 14 City of Lorca's homeland 15 The Boys in the Band, in 1968 16 Ward of Once and Again 17 Official dessert of the rainbow flag?

19 Ginsberg's "Gotcha" 20 One-named designer 21 Pennsylvania city 22 Lake site of a gay and lesbian ski week 23 Official band of the rainbow flag?

26 Heteros, on PlanetOut? 27 Brand for covering your bottom 30 List-maker Schindler 32 Home of the Buckeyes 33 "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ___" 34 Six Feet Under auto 37 Queen, to a dealer 39 San Francisco's Nob ___ 40 Building managers 43 Sixth notes in "Do-Re-Mi" 46 Fourth book of the OT 47 What some are doing in bed 49 "Fast," to Leonard Bernstein 51 Follower of James Buchanan, familiarly 53 Official song of the rainbow flag?

55 Fruit desserts 57 Emma Donoghue's country 58 Colors hair 62 "I've had better..."

63 Official beverage of the rainbow flag?

65 "No" to someone who is "lesbisch" 66 Bear overhead 67 Treats meat 68 Marine flyer 69 Rosie Jones supporters 70 Begins, as a Broadway play Down 1 Ironically straight singer Marvin 2 State with certainty 3 Gay tune 4 Claim 5 Saint, in Rio 6 Len Deighton's The ___ File 7 Like Harvey Milk in 1978 8 Get by barely 9 Queer body part on TV 10 Continent of Margaret Cho's parents 11 Official seafood entree of the rainbow flag?

12 She's George 13 Wise guys 18 TV show with Isabelle 22 Little biker in a gay pride march 24 Cell stuff, for short 25 It hangs from your butt 27 George O'Malley, et al.

28 Birthright seller of the

Bible 29 The other official song of the rainbow flag?

31 Mouth-open-wide sound 35 Sling mud at 36 Muppet pal of Rosie 38 Laurie Partridge portrayer Susan 41 Ridges on condoms 42 Trump-mocking comedy 43 Thin plates 44 "___ Comes Mary" (The Association, 1966) 45 "Reduce Speed", on a sign 48 Bonheur's war 50 With butts in the air?

51 Make up (for) 52 Rainbow flag designer Gilbert 54 Use a rubber 56 Timothy Daly's sister 59 Time of Camelot 60 Genie portrayer Barbara 61 Abuse orally 63 Glossy gay magazine 64 Logical beginning

SOLUTION

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6 Steps to effectively confront a cheating partner

THE FRIVOLIST

By: Mikey Rox*/Special to TRT

A

bout 21 percent of American men and 19 percent of American women admit to cheating on their partners, according to polling company YouGov (https://goo.gl/yxgKAu). Not a massive number, but still big enough to raise our brows. So what can we do when we suspect our partner is stepping out with a sidepiece? Before you take that Louisville slugger to both headlights, consider these effective ways to confront the cheater in your life.

1. Prepare Yourself For Immediate Denial If you’ve ever been cheated on and confronted your partner about it, you already know what the immediate response is: “I’m not cheating on you.” It’s human nature to lie in the face of confrontation, especially if we know we’re wrong and that whatever we did could have serious consequences. So prepare for it. If you know for a fact that your partner hasn’t been faithful, present solid facts. Your partner will change their tune quickly when they know they’ve undeniably been caught in the act—and that’ll give you the upper hand straight out the gate.

2. State Your Case With Evidence There’s an abundance of life advice floating around out there that warns you against snooping on your partner. F#ck. That. A

cheating partner is absolutely your business, and you owe it to yourself to get to the bottom of it so you don’t end up in an emotionally and mentally damaging relationship, or worse, with an STD. Considering the slim-to-none likelihood that your partner will readily admit to cheating, gather your evidence. If that means going through boo’s email and phone, get to it— because all bets are off when your health and future are put at risk. If they’re not respecting your well-being, you shouldn’t feel guilty about not respecting their privacy.

3. Stay Focused and Calm When you’ve presented your case on your partner’s philandering ways, expect an eruption of emotion. You both may be simultaneously sad and angry—among a host of other emotions—but this problem will not be solved with a screaming match.

That’ll be hard to avoid, depending on your personalities, but try to stay in control. If you fly off the handle, you run the risk of hurting yourself even more; your partner may use your emotions against you by calling you unstable or saying hurtful things like, “This is the reason I cheated on you in the first place.” Remember, their feelings will be hurt too—they may even be remorseful—but nobody likes to be cornered; they’ll attack back if you push too hard.

4. Resist the Wounded Puppy Routine Read the rest of this story at: http://wp.me/p22M41-4N8

May 4, 2017 - June 1, 2017

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Discriminación de la comunidad LatinX hacia la LGBT: Otra forma de defraudarnos Por: Gricel M. Ocasio*/Publicadora de TRT

H

LATINX VOICES

ace poco los cristianos celebraron las Pascuas. Pensé un año más lo que he observado que eso parece significar para muchos. Las acciones de algunos demuestran una carencia de gratitud hacia otros miembros de comunidades marginadas, durante todo el año, no tan sólo en la santa semana. ¿A qué me refiero con esto?

Me refiero al prejuicio que existe en algunas comunidades marginadas en contra de la comunidad LGBT. En específico deseo hablar sobre la comunidad latinx.

Recientemente muchos de ustedes nos han visto envueltos, a nosotros en este periódico “The Rainbow Times” en luchas que incluyen derechos de inmigrantes y de los votantes hispanos en Salem, Mass. Lo que hemos hecho lo hacemos porque firmemente creemos que no debe haber desigualdad o injusticia hacia ninguna comunidad. Una

MI ESPOSA ES MI AMIGA, PERO NO ES TAN SÓLO MI AMIGA, ES TAMBIÉN MI ESPOSA, MI AMANTE, EL AMOR DE MI VIDA, LA PERSONA A LA QUE AMO ROMÁNTICAMENTE. persona de la comunidad Latinx a quien le tengo mucho respeto y admiración me dijo no hace mucho tiempo, “Ustedes (refiriéndose a Nicole, a nuestro equipo, y a mí) verdaderamente creen en las luchas de todos los grupos y lo demuestran con sus acciones. La mayoría de las personas aquí no actúan de esa forma”. Me quedé pensando en esas palabras. En el momento, me dije a mi misma, bueno creo que muchos miembros de la comunidad dominicana y puertorriqueña nos apoyan en nuestras propias batallas. Pero, no me olvidé de su comentario. Y luego me di cuenta de otras acciones.

Como suele suceder, no mucho tiempo más tarde me percaté de que la persona estaba en lo correcto—quien me dijo sobre la desigualdad total de unos hacia otros. Muchos de los miembros de la comunidad Latinx me han defrau-

dado. No crea que no sé qué es un/a homofóbico/a porque no lo dice directamente.

El hecho de que alguien tan sólo me habla o busca cuando necesita de lo que el periódico, o yo como publicadora, le puede ofrecer es insólito. Sin embargo, así ha pasado. Usted sabe quién usted es. Hay inclusive miembros de la comunidad Latinx que se acercan a mí y me saludan y luego me preguntan cómo está mi “amiga”. ¿Amiga? ¡Qué falta de respeto! Mi esposa es mi amiga, pero no es tan sólo mi amiga, es también mi esposa, mi amante, el amor de mi vida, la persona a la que amo románticamente. Si eso le molesta, no me pregunte por ella. No merece saber de ella y mucho menos de mí. Más aún, si no sabe nada al respecto sobre la comunidad LGBT, entonces no pregunte pues puede ofender a otros, hasta herir a seres queridos que quizás ni salen del clóset debido a su homofobia o transfobia. ¿Por qué cree que luchamos tanto para obtener el matrimonio igualitario? No fue para que se refirieran a

nuestras parejas como “amigos”. ¿Cómo se sentiría si le preguntaran cómo está su amiga/o al referirme a su esposa/o, novia/o, etc.? La validación de nuestras relaciones—de parejas del mismo sexo y del sexo opuesto—es sumamente importante.

Eso no cambia. Usted ama a quién usted ama. A quien yo amo no le debe molestar y ofender a nadie.

Y, si me va a hablar de Dios, por favor dígame, ¿dónde en la Biblia que cita habló Jesucristo de la gente “gay”? No hay ningún verso que hable de que Jesucristo evadió a la gente LGBT. ¿No cree que si hubiera sido algo tan importante para Dios no hubiese enviado a su único Hijo a llevarle ese mensaje a las masas? Parece ser que ese mensaje no fue, como muchos de ustedes piensan, tan importante para el Todopoderoso. Más aún, para explicar esto en su lenguaje, cuando en el Nuevo Testamento un escriba le preguntó a Jesús "¿Cuál es el primero de los mandamientos?". Jesús respondió (Marcos 12: 18-24): "El primero es: “Escucha, Israel: el Señor nuestro Dios es el único Señor; y tú amarás al Señor, tu Dios, con todo tu corazón y con toda tu alma, con todo tu espíritu y con todas tus fuerzas. El segundo es: Amarás a tu prójimo como a ti mismo. No hay otro mandamiento más grande que estos". ¿Está usted amando a su prójimo cuando le juzga, cuando le rechaza, cuando le deja de hablar, cuando le abandona, cuando se cree mejor que él/ella?

Lea el resto de esta columna en: http://wp.me/p22M41-4Na

May 4, 2017 - June 1, 2017

Small Acts from Page 2 work will be neither small nor great, it will be God’s work” (https://goo.gl/Aw6pVm).

Put another way, think about the story of the starfish. Two friends are walking along a beach and hundreds of starfish are washing up and will soon die. One of the individuals picks up a starfish and throws it back into the ocean.

“What do you think that will accomplish when so many will die?” asked one friend to the other. “It made a difference to that starfish,” was the response.

My long-distance relationship with the inmate is also an example of how a modest amount of time and kindness can make a lasting impression. You never know how a handful of simple acts can plant a seed.

Although the inmate was very thankful, I too have been changed by our interactions. It’s humbling to hear the stories of the imprisoned and the per-

Masculinity from Page 2 and pettiness in seeking his company often dampen his desire for them. He frequently shirks emotionally intimate connections with women for the sake of short-term sexual encounters.

Sex and casual companionship are what he seeks from women who’ve often freely given him money, food, clothing, and their bodies. He epitomizes straight male privilege, sexual agility, and the power that is often bestowed upon men simply for being born with a penis.

On some quiet-as-it’s-kept level, he knows that I’m gay. He never asks about

10th Year Anniversary • TheRainbowTimesMass.com • The Rainbow Times • 23

sonal challenges they may have faced before arriving in prison. I’m not excusing a person’s missteps. I try to understand without excusing bad behavior and acknowledge life can be cold, complicated, and make little sense.

His willingness to write and engage helped me learn more about myself. It drew me into deeper conversations about spirituality and how to best act and live my faith.

Living one’s faith, no matter what it is—Jewish, Pagan, Wiccan, Buddhism, Christian, Humanist, Muslim or other— requires the application of sacred lessons to everyday experiences. All great faiths have universal themes of joy, hope, love, kindness, compassion, and redemption.

It’s what faith and spirituality, broadly defined, give us to share with one another. *Paul is a corporate chaplain, seminary trained priest, and lawyer in greater Albany, NY. He’s also author of “Lost Sense of Self & the Ethics Crisis.” my personal life or relationships, my assumption being that as a straight man he figures all men must want to know about his sex life while the sex lives and relationships of gay men are best kept secret.

The afternoon after the Pulse Nightclub shooting that took the lives of 49 people, most of whom were Latinx, and wounded more than 50 others (https://goo.gl/zjMmy3), my barber and I sat in his shop discussing the massacre. As he took a razor to the edges of my hair to sharpen my fade, he teared up. The massacre that killed and maimed all of those people in a gay nightclub had taken a toll on him, not because most of the victims

Trump’s Attacks from Page 10 protections for transgender students; • Appointing and nominating anti-LGBTQ extremists to all levels of government; including Jeff Sessions, Tom Price, Ben Carson, Mark Green, Roger Severino, and many others; • Nominating anti-LGBTQ judge (https://goo.gl/CoUMQO) , Neil Gorsuch, to a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court of the United States; • Erasing LGBTQ data collection (https://goo.gl/nwNUXm) from federal surveys; • Scrubbing (https://goo.gl/qbu71s) all mentions of LGBTQ issues from the White House website only hours into his administration; • Signing an executive order stating policy to repeal the Affordable Care Act (ACA)—landmark legislation that provides access to healthcare for millions of LGBTQ people; looked like him, but because he acknowledged the loss of human life. This nearly 50-year-old man, who consistently maintained a bravado of sexual dynamism, edgy masculinity, and unabashed philandering, who lauded casual sexual encounters with women in their early 20s and sexcapades with an unhappy housewife, showed an intense moment of humanity where he shed his stereotypical masculinity and mourned the lost lives of those he’d never met. It was touching, to say the least.

In the weeks and months that followed, he continued his stories of sexual frivolity; I always listened without judgement or scorn. In the same way that I have the right to do what I choose with my body, so does he. Over the course of knowing him, my exposure to his stories has subtly transformed from benign, half-hearted listening to an intensive observation of this incredibly complicated and nuanced man. The rules of the barbershop prevent me from asking deeper questions about why he views women the way he does, so I settle for nonpartisan examination and speculation as to how his views on gender, gender identity, and sexuality came to be.

On Easter Sunday, as per my usual habit, I sat in his barber chair and listened quietly as he had a conversation with several other barbers, often going back and forth between English and Spanish. At one point, a young boy, no older than 6, and the son of a fellow barber, exclaimed, “I don’t want a gay brother.” While I raised my eyebrows at the sudden admission, his father, whom I’ve had virtually no contact with, chuckled proudly.

“Regardless of whether he’s gay or not, you have to accept him,” my barber retorted to the child after noticing the surprised look on my face.

I wasn’t paying enough attention to the conversation to know the context with which this little boy made his declaration, but his emphaticness and tone were clear.

Over the course of a few seconds, the rest of this boy’s life unspooled before me.

He’d continue to grow up with a father who would snuff out any signs of femininity. He and his brother would be strongly encouraged to play sports, objectify women, and wear their maleness as signs of superiority.

My barber, complicated as he is, meant well in what he said to the child, but I have

• Leaking a draft of his plan to grant a taxpayer-funded license to discriminate (https://goo.gl/WbJWm9) against the LGBTQ community; • Signing a cruel executive order blocking all Syrian refugees and prohibiting nationals from seven Muslim-majority countries from entering the U.S Check the video that the details Trump’s actions: https://goo.gl/hWjXJu.

GayBFF from Page 5 A: To compare GayBFF to Tinder or Grindr would be [like comparing] apples [and] oranges. Tinder and Grindr are great options for getting dates and "hooking up," but not ideal for making friends. I developed GayBFF for those of us in the Community and our straight allies looking for platonic relationships. *GayBFF can be downloaded wherever you download apps on your smartphone.

MY INTERPRETATION OF HIS STATEMENT WAS THAT

“MANLINESS,” IN ALL ITS FRAGILITY, DICTATES THAT A MAN’S HAIR IS SACROSANCT, SO IMPORTANT THAT IT CAN ONLY BE HANDLED BY A (FEMALE) LOVER OR THE PERSON

(PREFERABLY A MAN) WHO IS STYLING IT. little hope that this boy will grow into a man who will acknowledge the dignity of LGBTQ people. With all of the successes we’ve experienced in the movement for LGBTQ rights, there are still people in the world who operate from a place of ignorance and privilege, two ways of being that, when combined, are as dangerous and lifethreatening as the most potent acid.

The idiom “out of the mouths of babes” has often been used to characterize children who say something incredibly wise and profound. This young boy’s thoughts are far from that and my fear is that people like his father will encourage his homophobia and ignorance; one generation passing down insensitivity and intolerance to another.

My weekly haircuts will never be the same … *A graduate of the Boston University College of Communication, Mike Givens has been a social justice advocate for more than eight years. During that time he’s worked on a range of initiatives aimed at uplifting marginalized populations. An experienced media strategist and public relations professional, Mike currently devotes his spare time to a number of vital issues including racial justice and socioeconomic equity.

24 • The Rainbow Times • TheRainbowTimesMass.com • 10th Year Anniversary

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