The Rainbow Connection Issue 04

ISSUE 4!

CONTENTS:

1) Magical

2) Realising that cis people exist

3) When I'm With You

4)Review: Helluva Boss: The queer show about horny devils that I needed in 2022

5) My lover is secretly seven seagulls

6) <untitled poem>

7) The Prince and the Gardener

8) The Trans Agenda

9) The Goodbye Magician

After a bit of a break (and possibly the most stressful semester of my university career), The Rainbow Connection is finally back! This issue is jam-packed with lots and lots of spilled ink – prose, poetry, memes and reviews – so much so that they spilled right beyond our pages, so do check out the full versions of a couple of these works via the QRs and links, too. In many ways, this one's a celebration of just allowing ourselves to exist – to take a breather when we need, to unleash page after page of queer fantasy and silliness. With the concern over drag bans and anti-trans laws in the US and UK spilling over to our conservative shores, it must be remembered that this unapologetic queer expression is something they can't take away from us. Hence, the 90s/Y2k aesthetic, commemorating how most of us started our queer journeys and made our marks online.

I have, of course, the brilliant designers to thank for putting this absolute dream of a theme together. Jia,of course, who's gagged me with their work again, and newcomer N who has done this issue's stunning cover art. A massive shoutout to all our artists and writers as always, without whom we would have no zine, and to everyone, reader or contributor, for being so patient with us whilst we got this issue out. We really hope it was worth the wait!

She laughs when I tell her she’s magic. “That’s silly,” she doesn’t say, but I can tell in the roll of her eyes and that wonderful teasing smile tugging on the corners of her lips. She’s adamant that she’s human – blood and bones and all, and I think I understand where she’s coming from.

She’s human when she swears when she thinks I can’t hear, and she’s human when she apologises to the air for her foul language. She’s human when she eats more chips than she knows she should, and she’s human when she shows up to our office with a sheepish grin and a ‘hello’ scrawled onto a piece of paper instead of announcing her arrival with her usual song and dance. Some days it’s more painfully clear than others – she’s human when she lets me hold her, desperate and trembling, when life has its way with her, when she’s lost and afraid and clinging onto me like I’m the only thing keeping her afloat.

MAGICAL MAGICAL

BY EILAELIAS

By Tadpole

"Realising that cis people exist"

When I'm With You

by T.shin

The first time I felt it, I was at the park with her in the middle of the night. She kept nudging me to try the flying fox I rebuked that it wasn’t my thing, that it wasn’t appropriate with the skirt I was wearing, that she wasn’t strong enough to push me all the way to the other end

In essence, I was scared. Yeah, a 15-year-old was scared of a piece of playground equipment that little 5-year-olds rode on a daily basis. Jiamin mocked me in much the same way, as if my reaction were a teleprompt script of my thoughts. I relented and awkwardly attempted to sit on the damn thing. She saw me struggle and halted her sharp remarks, most likely to not dissuade me from my reluctant decision Instead, she opted for a constipated face, struggling to contain her laughter

With an effortful push from Ms Constipatedface, I was sent gliding across the playground with the whirring noise of cables being my only company. It was....not as bad as I thought. The slight breeze that brushed against my face, the passing scenery of a peaceful night was relaxing, the - yeah I was lying to myself. This was fucking scary. My feet were suspended a meter off the ground, ripping any sense of control I had over this damned thing away from me I was at the mercy of the imparted force of Jiamin's push and whatever resistance the ill maintained wires provided Without my calculator and notebook, I had no clue when or where exactly I would stop and not knowing brought upon deep seated feelings of insecurity that I thought I had tucked away under piles of 100th percentiles in report cards.

Fortunately for me, the flying fox slowed down to a stop whilst I was buried in my thoughts The wires sagged under my weight, leaving my feet within reach of the ground Jiamin jogged to me with a gleeful expression painted on her features, clearly very entertained by my suffering. I, on the other hand probably looked like I came out of the Vietnam war. She asks me how it was, and I groaned. Well, “weh” was more accurate, but I’d like to think it was a groan. She chuckled, her deep voice filling the otherwise empty park. It wasn’t any different from her previous chuckles, but my heart clearly felt otherwise

It fluttered.

I mulled over that feeling for several weeks. It wasn’t a foreign concept to me. I’ve heard friends talk about it at the canteen, heard hushed gossip amongst classmates during lessons and dramatized portrayals in media. But why now? Nothing has really changed between us; she hasn’t changed at all. So why now? 2 months ago, I would’ve said her laugh sounded like a dying pig but now I’m not so sure. I took a glance at her, seated at a table diagonally to the right of me To the undiscerning eye she was diligently taking notes in class, her face laser focused on what she was producing on paper But I knew better. She was probably drawing bats and skeletons and anything else that could pass as a villainous henchman in a kid’s cartoon. She never cared much for math, or any other subject outside of recess. She once told me that she didn’t see the point of trying since she wasn’t planning to go anywhere after secondary school. When I pried further, she said, “I’m damn stupid. Confirm cannot go anywhere”.

I think the only time I've ever seen her willingly try to study was in Primary 5, a year before our Primary School Leaving Examinations. She suddenly became very interested in studying after I told her I wanted to go to Bukit Panjang Government High, a top public secondary school. Maybe she finally realized how important studying was. For that entire year she was buried in textbooks. I swore her head could've become a bookmark. When results came around, everyone thought it was a miracle, some divine intervention from god, that she did as well as she did But I knew better She was never one for prayers We both entered Bukit Panjang Government High and Jiamin went back to slacker mode

She turned to me, sensing my stare We made eye contact, chocolate brown meeting chocolate brown, - yes Chinese kids all look the same – but for some reason I was ensnared.

I felt my face flush red.

I want to die Please take me now death

Bewilderment was plastered on her face. A moment passed. Then, as though she was struck with a thunderbolt of genius, her expression turned to a knowing smirk. Death, anytime now please.

She stuck her tongue out at me like the child she is and I, obviously, returned the favor Because what else do you do when someone flicks their tongue at you? Ok, no death for now

We shared a quiet giggle before turning back to our work. Well, I tried to. My whole body was consumed by….nice feelings. Warmth that felt like a hug. Butterflies threatening to break from my ribcage. That sort of stuff. It was topped off with starry eyes and a dreamy smile that probably made me look crazy

I was so glad I didn’t have a tablemate, else I’d be probed on my strange expression. I don’t think claiming that I was merely enjoying the lesson at hand would’ve been believable. If it was it would imply that I was going gooey eyed over first order derivatives. I know I’m a nerd but I have standards. It’s got to at least be partial derivatives in a matrix to get me flustered

So uh yeah, “mulling” didn’t actually involve thinking about my feelings. More like awkwardly fumbling through the full spectrum of emotions. I should do something about it. Just as I was about to plunge into another train of thought, I received a text from none other than her.

Jiah Lian*

Wanna go to monti next week?

That’s weird Monti was a candlelit atas* [Fancy & expensive] restaurant that sat on Marina bay, aka the kind that people bring their lovers to for a proposal and have anniversaries and junk I’d been wanting to eat there for months because appare tableside (I know, I have spoilt rich girl tastes) bu kind of thing. If I nagged her enough, she’d proba and complain about spending $58 on pasta Sure,

ANONREVIEWS! REVIEWS!

REVIEW: HELLUVA BOSS: THE QUEER SHOW ABOUT HORNY DEVILS THAT I NEEDED IN 2022

I’ll be honest: for a long time, I didn’t understand fandoms. There have been works of media that I enjoyed greatly, but I never got how people could obsessively follow fan artists, line their rooms with shelves and shelves of merchandise, or spend half their waking lives arguing online about ships.

Then I watched this funny little show about gay devils And I get it now

That funny little show is an adult animated web series called Helluva Boss. Created by Vivienne Medrano and produced through her indie studio Spindlehorse Toons, the series follows an imp in Hell named Blitzo (the ‘o’ is silent) who leads an assassination company specializing in killing people onEarth. His employees include Moxxie and Millie, two imps who are married to each other, as well as Blitzo’s adopted hellhound daughter, Loona. Rounding out the cast is the owl-like demon prince Stolas, who provides Blitzo with a magical grimoire he and his employees use to travel to Earth in exchange for, uh, sexual payment The show focuses on the interactions between these characters and the darkly comedic misadventures they get up to.

The most striking thing about Helluva Boss that sets it apart from other shows – even other LGBTQ+ shows – is how little it seems to care about catering to a straight audience Society is becoming more accepting of LGBTQ+ people, but there’s still this expectation that we need to cater to heteronormative culture to earn that acceptance. It’s common to see complaints that gay people “won’t shut up about being gay” or “make being gay their entire personality”, even if all they’re doing is expressing their sexuality as much as straight people are You can be gay, but not too gay. Moreover, queer people are held to a much higher standard. Any failure on one queer person’s part is seen as proof that the entire LGBTQ+ community is inferior or doesn’t deserve equal rights

Helluva Boss isn’t having any of that. The show is unabashedly queer, almost to a fault In the main cast alone, Blitzo is pansexual, Moxxie and Millie are both bisexual, and Stolas is all but confirmed to be gay. Their sexualities are not just a passing detail either, but a fundamental part of their characters and the show Aside from this, many identities outside the heteronormative perspective are also depicted, such as same-sex couples, non-monogamous relationships, transgender people, and other forms of gender and sexual deviancy.

Even Moxxie and Millie, the show’s token heterosexual couple, still engage in crossdressing and pegging. Furthermore, these characters are just about the opposite of a “good gay”.

Readoninthenextpage!

When Blitzo and co. aren’t killing humans in violent, gory fashion, they’re behaving as dysfunctionally as you’d expect from denizens of Hell. All of them have personality flaws that often drive a wedge in their relationships. They can be caustic, ignorant, petty, and incredibly horny. So horny that in an already profane show, one character’s dirty talk still has to be censored. While I can see this being off-putting for some people, even some LGBTQ+ people, I found it refreshing how shamelessly queer Helluva Boss is. It’s a reminder that we don’t need to downplay ourselves to be more palatable to the straight gaze, and we should demand acceptance and equality on our own terms

As much as I applaud this transgressive side of Helluva Boss, it’s the depth of the character writing that elevates it to another level Underneath all the raunchiness and violence and comedy, there’s a soft, beating heart at the core of the series In between the assassinations, we get to glean the personal lives and relationships of the cast. These include Moxxie and Millie’s sweet, stable marriage and Blitzo’s and Stolas’s complicated yet loving relationships with their respective daughters There’s a lot of dysfunction in Hell, but there are also flashes of family, friendship, and love within that dysfunction.

Additionally, the more you dig deeper into the characters’ unpleasant behavior, the more their behavior reveals itself to be a facade that hides their innermost insecurities and desires. Nothing shows this better than the show’s take on the “Will They or Won’t They?” trope with Blitzo and Stolas Unlike the usual setup, Blitzo and Stolas actually are in a sexual relationship, but it’s one of transactional sex that is deeply problematic. It doesn’t help that Stolas treats Blitzo condescendingly (Stolas is a prince while Blitzo is just a lowly imp) or that Blitzo is aloof to Stolas’s affections

As the story goes on, however, it becomes clear that both of them do truly yearn for a more fulfilling, romantic relationship, but their personal traumas and issues make it difficult for them to progress to that stage. It’s messy and complicated in the way real-life relationships often are, but the series still gets you to hope that these two crazy kids can somehow find their way to each other.

I love it.

I’m not going to pretend that Helluva Boss is perfect. In the early episodes (especially the pilot, which is probably best skipped), the writing can be inconsistent, as if the creators weren’t sure what direction they wanted to take The art is typically fantastic, with gorgeous backgrounds, evocative visual effects, and dynamic animations. Unfortunately, this occasionally comes at the cost of choppy framerates. However, when the show’s firing on all cylinders, particularly in the spectacular Season 1 finale, there’s nothing else like it. It can deliver scathing humor, showstopping musical numbers, and emotionally devastating moments in an episode 20 minutes or shorter. All while still being queer as hell

There were better shows I watched in 2022, but I can’t think of another as close to my heart as Helluva Boss. The stunning animation, the way it ricochets between over-the-top dark comedy and sincere tenderness, the sheer lack of filter in its portrayal of queerness – all of this made Helluva Boss a show I not only loved but would wholeheartedly consider myself a fan of. It won’t fit everyone’s tastes, but as someone still coming to terms with my own sexuality, it resonated with me in a way that few other shows do I hope it will resonate with you, too. But if you still need more convincing, there is a gay kiss in episode 6 and it is glorious.

(All nine released episodes of Helluva Boss are available on YouTube for free, and season two is currently in production The length of the episodes ranges from about 11-22 minutes.)

"It'sareminderthatwedon'tneedtodownplayourselvesto morepalatabletothestraightgaze.".

my lover is secretly seven seagulls by Dane

Waking up in a brand new location

Seagulls flying through pine tree oceans

Dance it off to the beat of the motion

Feathers peaking from underneath your dress

I always fly in my dreams

But you only see black and white

I don’t know what it all means

But I know we’re both lucid tonight

So take my hand feel a whole new sensation

I’ll take your breath if you don’t pay attention

Dance with me til the end of devotion

With seagulls flying through pine tree oceans

The stars they fall from the sky

The planets have closed their eyes

And the roses are red with the blood of a gull

work writeup:

Recently realized I have repressed trauma surrounding relationships, which is rather distressing. I guess this poem is on mutual entrapment that was disguised as escapism from real life. Or maybe it’s just about seagulls.

The Prince and the Gardener

By Enyale Frost

hat are you looking at?”

jumps out of his skin. He spins on his heels tearing his gaze away from that beautiful man tending to the garden just outside his window to find Maggie behind him, her arms folded.

“Oh, it’s you,” Howard gripes.

“Excuse me. That’s not a very nice tone to use with your advisor. I could ditch you and find another job elsewhere. Maybe the country of Alvenna would take me in.”

Howard wilts at the threat. For a prince, he’s not got much of a backbone. “I’m sorry.”

Maggie pushes her spectacles up the bridge of her nose. “Anyway, you’ve got paperwork to attend to. What are you ” She narrows her eyes. “Are you staring at the gardener boy again?”

“What? No!” Howard cries, perhaps louder than he expected. “I’m just…” He shrinks back under Maggie’s piercing gaze. “You’re right. I’m staring at the pretty gardener boy.”

“When is this phase going to pass?” Maggie sighs. “This crush of yours has gone on long enough. You know that Princess Shelby is arriving next week, right?”

“I know,” Howard whines, using that high-pitched voice that he knows Maggie can’t stand. “But he’s right there! Looking all pretty and lovely, and ”

“You are a right mess, you are,” Maggie huffs. She shakes her head, before turning to step out of the room. “Head over heels for a man you’ve never even spoken to.”

Howard pouts like a petulant child. “I have, though.”

“Other than formalities?”

At Howard’s silence, Maggie smirks, tells him to get a hold of himself before attending to his duties. She leaves and shuts the door behind him, leaving Howard to deal with the gay panic brewing in his chest.

Perhaps his parents will relent if he shows them how much happier he’d be with this gardener boy than a random princess. After all, they’ve always talked about how they want Howard to be happy. This should fall into that category too.

That means that Howard must pluck up his courage and initiate a conversation with the gardener and get to know him, because the only thing he knows of the gardener is that his name is Joseph. And it’s only because he demanded it from Maggie.

Howard may not be the most extroverted person on the planet, but never before has a cat gotten his tongue this bad. Here his dumbstruck self stands, in the blazing sun, holding the gaze of the most beautiful man to exist on Mother Earth.

Sandy blond hair tucked under a straw sunhat, curious eyes staring into his, one hand holding onto a trowel, and the other, what looks to be a bush of roses against his slightly plump body.

“Your Highness, are you doing all right? You’re a little red in the face.”

“N-No, I’m perfectly fine,” Howard insists, having found his voice after what felt like an eternity. “How are you, uh, doing today, Sc I mean, sir?”

Joseph blinks, maybe because he isn’t too used to the prince calling him sir. Howard can’t blame him; he panicked. “I’m doing good today, Your Highness. I’ve trimmed the bushes, the hedges, and I’m now planting the roses. Oh, I’ve also tidied the orchids by the fountain.”

“That’s good,” Howard says, because he knows next to nothing about gardening. He knows what bushes are, and what trimming is, but orchids… “So... could I ask your name?”

Even though he already knows it, but it’s probably less creepy than just announcing the gardener’s name back to him.

“I don’t know why Your Highness would like to know the name of a lowly servant like myself,” Joseph says, “but I am Joseph of Gosmia.”

Gosmia is a small town not far from the capital, known for their dyes and their houses being an amalgamation of technicolour blends. Howard himself has never been there too busy with his princely duties but he wishes to visit one day.

With this new piece of information, his desire to see this town, where the object of his affection hailed from, has grown much stronger.

“And I’m Howard. Uh… prince of the Lovenrell kingdom,” Howard says, and Joseph chuckles.

“I know. I think everyone does.”

Howard flushes, and he silently berates himself. Curse Joseph and his adorable face, that cute laugh, and… just everything about him. “Well, uh… what made you want to come to Lovenrell, Joseph?”

“I was looking for work that didn’t involve… dyes,” Joseph says, nose scrunched almost imperceptibly. “I always liked gardening, and well, one of your men scouted me. Said the royal family needed a gardener, so that’s why I’m here.”

“I see. So, our gardener is from humble beginnings.”

Howard could be wrong, could be hoping too hard, but he swears that he just saw Joseph blush. A faint red tinge on his cheeks. “I suppose.”

“Well, uh… how was your family like ”

“Forgive me for interrupting, Your Highness, but I would advise that we move to a gazebo to continue this conversation,” Joseph says, his brows furrowed. “If we were to carry on, you would no doubt suffer a heatstroke.”

Howard isn’t even aware of how much he was sweating under the heat of the sun. Now that Joseph mentions it, he realises that his tunic is completely soaked. Beads of sweat roll down his cheeks, and Howard pretends not to care about how uncomfortable he feels.

With a cough, Howard declares, “Yes, let’s go, then. Lead the way, Joseph.”

“Follow me, Your Highness,” Joseph says, his eyes twinkling, and Howard has to hold himself back from swooning.

Want to read more? Scan here to continue!

TRANS

THE TRANS AGENDA

TRANS POWER ANTI-AGE CREAM

Transform your skin (and yourself)!

Trans Power reduces wrinkles, improves firmness, and helps prevent age spots*

By Tadpole

Work writeup:

I've seen other bi people online joke that imposter syndrome and repeatedly having your sexuality being questioned are often part and parcel of being bi.

This is an overgeneralisation, of course, but my experience certainly bears that out. Some of this questioning is internal, as I awkwardly feel my way through the nuances of certain experiences that sometimes still feel surreal; some of this is external, as the validity of my identity is questioned by people both inside and outside the LGBTQ+ community.

I don't want to disappear but sometimes it's too painful to speak, so I let them dismiss me in silence. While I don't experience this a lot (as I'm surrounded by supportive friends and am not very open about my sexuality), certain events have left an impact on me, so I wanted to express my feelings with this poem.

N (they/she/he)

N is the 14th letter of the English alphabet. The 14th letter of the Greek alphabet according to Google is Tzi (pronounced Xi) and looks like the Chinese letter 三 (pronounced San, meaning three), and three is the number of breakdowns they have had since the week started; Xi reminds him of ⼣ (pronounced Xi) which is the time of day where light is lost, much like their sanity.

Eilaelias (Any pronouns)

eilaelias has noted the horrifying lack of gay scientists in literature and decided to do their duty to fill that void

Enyale Frost (she/her)

An avid gamer and writer, Frost spends her time imagining creative worlds in her head and putting it to paper. She dabbles mainly in thrillers, humour, and mystery, though romance is not really her cup of tea.

Editor Michael (they/them)

Hi, I’m the mould that haunts your rainbow eyeshadow palette fit for a drag queen or perhaps a 17th century monarch, Michael.

around a lot between Singapore and various other countries as a kid. During these difficult times, fanfiction. This piece embodies those fanfictions gave me, with

Dane (they/them)

Dane has been getting sleep paralysis every night since the age of ten and their sanity is hanging by a thread. This is cry for help /joking

Tadpole (he/him?)

Likes eating insects. Hopes to become a frog someday.

Designer Cheese (they/them)

And I'm the eye you lost not from the mouldy eyeshadow but something else, Cheese formerly Jia.

Anon

T.A (she/her)

Image credits:

1) Back cover rainbow monkeys: myspace-era freak.tumblr.com/post/661354166648717312/rainbowmonkeys

2) When I'm with You: https://www.tumblr.com/rachbtw/617501671153696768

https://www.tumblr.com/mybruisedankleneedsakiss/6528

82584932630528

https://favim com/image/7076827/

3) Anon Review background: https://wallpapers-clan com/wallpapers/vaporwavecomputer/

4) Anon Review screenshots: https://bookstr com/article/helluva-boss-a-youtube-seriessensation-created-by-vivziepop/ https://hazbinhotel fandom com/wiki/Stolas

5) Untitled: Artemisia Gentileschi, Judith Slaying Holofernes, 1614–20, Oil on canvas 199 x 162 cm, Uffizi, Florence The Taking of Christ (Caravaggio)

6) The Prince and the Gardener: https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/vector-dropcap-english-letter-w-1575904189

7) The Goodbye Magician: https://sombr.co.uk/product/stanczyk-print/ https://blog.tepapa.govt.nz/2018/05/31/the-secrets-foundon-the-backs-of-paintings/