March 9 2007

The Trail

University of Puget Sound Student Newspaper Established 1910 VOLUME 98, ISSUE 15

Uniting a community through food

Tacoma residents and UPS alums work together for local food co-op.

NEWS PAGE 2

FRIDAY MARCH 9, 2007

WWW.THETRAILNEWSPAPER.COM

OIS battles with management obstacles to achieve stability

Lessons from living in Afghanistan An Afghan students tells his personal story of the Taliban.

OPINIONS PAGE 5

Debate over “Lights out with Liz” brings heated controversy to campus

By Kara Becker kbecker@ups.edu News Writer

Club sports at UPS

Features profiles the great “Weekend Warrior.”

FEATURES PAGE 8 & 9

Schematics rocks Swiss A&E features the UPS band rocking out in local bar.

A & E PAGE 10

asups photoservices/NicK Kiest aNd paul WicKs

students upset with technological services on campus look to ois for answers. however, ois has been struggling to make a positive working environment for their staff and many employees have quit out of frustration with the office. as of now ois is without a cio and a director of technology.

Women’s basketball moves on to Sweet 16

Women’s basketball wins game with the 12th-ranked team in nation. SPORTS PAGES 16

Thumbs up to Diva Cup The Sustainability Advisory Committee promotes a new alternative to tampons.

THUMBS PAGE 6

WEEKEND WEATHER

toDaY

48 46

satUrDaY

sUnDaY

53 45

55 50

coMpiled FroM various sources

INDEX

News...................................................1-3 Comics & Classifieds..............................4 Op/Eds................................................5-7 Features..............................................8-9 Arts & Entertainment.......................10-12 Combat Zone........................................13 Sports..............................................14-16

For more Trail, check out: thetrailnewspaper.com

By Brandon Lueken blueken@ups.edu Editor in Chief

plans to meet with the various technological groups on campus. These include Student Technology Advisory Board (STAB), Technology Planning Group (TPG), Library, Media and Information Systems (LMIS) and the President’s Cabinet.

Through these meetings, Mondou hopes to synthesize the different needs and desires of campus groups into a position description so that a search can commence to find a replacement CIO. So far, the list of charac-

vironment, and because they felt their input wasn’t being considered at all.

Andrew Moll, former Help Desk student manager, left in Students frustrated with September after being a part technological services on of OIS for several semescampus may not have their ters, prompting other student woes alleviated for another workers to file their resignasemester. The Office of Intions just a week later. formational Services (OIS) “The department was uncurrently lacks a permanent willing to change or listen to Chief Informational Officer constructive criticism about (CIO), a position formerly them,” Moll said. “People known as Associate Vice took things personally.”

President for the Office of Many students also felt Information Services. that they couldn’t ask quesSince the departure of Nortions about policy. One man Imamshah, the Asexample was another sociate VP of OIS, late former student manager, “[OIS] had the attitude of a busi- Chris Sheppard. Sheppard last October, the future of OIS has been uncertain. ness providing service, not of a had been working in OIS Theresa Duhart, Interim university organization seeking to since September of 2004.

Team Leader and Director reinforce our mission statement.” He quickly rose to the -Chris Sheppard of Technical Services, has position of student manbeen holding down both ager, but as he advanced of her positions, attemptthrough the ranks, his dising to keep things runsatisfaction grew. ning. However, OIS needs teristics includes vision and “As I moved upwards, I leadership more than any- planning, communication, became more aware of the thing else. leadership abilities and ex- problems,” Sheppard said.

“The CIO is a critical posi- ecution.

Sheppard worked with a tion for the university,” said “A CIO should be able variety of different departSherry Mondou, Vice Presi- to mobilize people around ments but essentially acted dent for Finance and Admin- shared goals to further the as a liaison between student istration. “Before proceeding mission of the university,” staff members and full time to search for candidates, we Mondou said. staff members, where his job are being thoughtful about However, the CIO will was to know the policies and the characteristics we want have to do more than that. explain them. in a CIO.” Last semester, five high-rank“The problem was that To do so, Mondou has ei- ing students quit their jobs at see oIs page 2 ther been meeting or making OIS because of the work en-

Many students have recently been exposed to a new column in The Trail called “Lights out with Liz,” featured in the A&E section every week. The column is written by sophomore Liz Elling, and has been the source of controversy for many different members of the campus community.

The first column, published in the Feb. 9 issue, was titled “Valentine’s Day loving,” and discussed how to have great sex on Valentine’s Day. The second column was published on Feb. 16 and was titled “Pleasing your man with your mouth.” This article talked frankly about giving oral sex to males and gave detailed tips on how to give an effective blow job. The third column, titled “Pleasing your woman with your mouth,” was published on Feb. 23.

It was intended to be a follow-up article on the previous week’s, and focused on how to perform oral sex on a female. The fourth and most recent column was published on March 2, and was titled “Finding the seven secret spots.” It was dedicated to highlighting seven of the most erotic erogenous zones outside of the obvious genitals and mouth.

The idea of the sex column was first proposed at the beginning of the spring semester after Elling was hired.

A&E editor Kevin Nguyen was excited that one of his new writers wanted to do such an edgy piece.

The first sign of negative feedback came in the form of a letter sent to Dean of Students Mike Segawa that was written by a parent of a prospective student. In the letter, the parent referenced the first two columns Elling had written, calling the Feb. 16 article “repulsive.” The parent then added that they had heard about the same story from two different UPS parents, and went on to describe both their children’s current problems with their roommates based on sexual activity happening in their shared rooms.

The letter-writer also described The Trail as having a “pornographic flavor,” and continued on to question the see LIgHts oUt page 3

News OIS the policies weren’t written down, which the department has started to address, but there were other problems,” Sheppard said. “They had the attitude of a business providing service, not of a university organization seeking to reinforce our mission statement.”

Sheppard felt that he could ask what a certain policy was, but not explain why it was implemented to students.

“The Help Desk management simply didn’t like it when I inquired why certain policies were made the way they were, such as the unwritten policy to refuse support for Firefox,” Sheppard said.

“Asking ‘why’ was pushing things too far at the Help Desk, despite the fact that my classes constantly teach me to ask and answer the ‘why’ question in my papers.”

However, OIS has been attempting to deal with some of their problems. One of the main complaints among the student managers was software support. By the written rules, the university doesn’t support the popular browser Mozilla Firefox, among other programs. Because of this, none of the student employees can answer any in-depth questions about the browser.

Currently, Firefox is under review for support, but this begs many questions.

“What is review?” Sheppard said. “How is this process conducted? Is this process going to be applied to Microsoft Software? ” The OIS review process tests obstacles on five principles: security, support availability, compatibility, future concerns and the rate of change. Future Microsoft programs will also undergo this review process as well.

For the time being, OIS has been trying to focus more on its future. Currently, it lacks not only a CIO, but also a Director of Instructional Technology. A search was conducted for a new director last semester and resulted in four finalists. Before winter break, two of those finalists took other positions, and another took a position in England during the break.

The remaining finalist was brought to campus for interviews, but it was determined the applicant wasn’t a sure fit for the university. The search has been halted, in favor of starting anew once the CIO search has finished.

Once Mondou has finalized what the university wants in a CIO, a search will begin. The university will hire a search firm to find applicants, and all finalists will be brought to campus for open session interviews, which will be open to the student body and public at large.

“When we bring finalists to campus, we will have open sessions for the campus community to hear from the candidates and we will allow lots of time for questions and answers,” Mondou said.

“It is important that we seek feedback on the finalists and

The Trail

March 9, 2007

2 cont. from page

1

that we receive input from students.”

However, when this will occur is unclear. Once the CIO is hired, then it is possible that restructuring and other changes to the department will be made.

“Our new CIO, like any good manager, will be thoughtful in determining how best to organize and deploy our finite resources to best meet the needs of the campus community,” Mondou said.

There are those that believe the department could use some new ideas.

“OIS originally started as an ad hoc organization,” said Reneé De Voursney, voting member of STAB. “It started there and grew until we ended up with the structure we have now.”

Some also say that OIS isn’t meeting the demands of students and faculty.

“Technology in the classroom is here to stay,” De Voursney said. “Supporting technology for faculty, staff and students is an important need. Restructuring is a good way to meet those needs.”

Those needs are being addressed to a certain degree.

Within OIS, there is the Instructional Technology department, which houses Randy Thornton, an Academic Technology Consultant. He is in charge of the up coming change over from Blackboard to a similar system, which could be easier to use and more beneficial to the classroom experience.

He has worked here since September, 2005, dealing mostly with professors and their desire to integrate technology into the classroom.

He has noticed a shift in the way that things are working around OIS. “Before, we needed to talk about topics X, Y and Z, but we got ignored,” Thorton said. “Now, we’re talking about X,Y and Z again.

We’re having meetings now.

Before, the entire department didn’t get together and have meetings.”

Different departments within OIS are continually working on jobs within their jurisdiction. The wireless zones are expanding, including the Center for Writing, Learning and Teaching by the Network department. Open source Blackboard alternatives like Moodle and Sakai are being tested by Instructional Technology. Another project of Networks involves UPS joining a Washington state wide network that would provide additional bandwidth and the possibility of video conferencing. OIS is also looking into what it would take to turn the ASK network into a digital presence.

With proper leadership and vision, OIS will better meet the needs of the university.

Until then, students can attend STAB on Wednesdays at 5 p.m. in Wheelock 202 to air their wants and needs.

• Brandon Lueken had fun smashing computers this week.

UPS Alums organize Food Co-op to supply organic, fresh produce

By Johanna Wallner jwallner@ups.edu News Writer Tacoma residents are considering reestablishing a consumer food cooperative in Tacoma, and two UPS alums are involved with the project.

A cooperative is an association of people united to meet a common economic, social or cultural need and aspiration through a membershipowned and democraticallycontrolled business.

Today, there are over 100 million cooperatives worldwide, ranging from credit unions to energy providers to dairies. Consumers form food co-ops to control the products, the operation and the financing of the store.

Tacoma formerly had a food co-op, but it closed in 1984. In fall of 2006, a group of Tacoma residents with an interest in obtaining affordable, organic, local and natural foods organized to discuss the idea of reviving a food co-op in Tacoma.

This initial discussion led to the creation of a Tacoma food co-op steering committee.

Kira Doley, a 2005 UPS alum and manager of the Tacoma Farmers Market, is a member of the steering committee.

Additionally, Chris Andree, a 2006 UPS alum, is active with the group project.

“The vision for the group is different, focusing on the environment and the community,” Andree said. “There are essentially four elements to the co-op’s vision: affordability, environmental sustainability, local supply and healthy options.”

Andree went on to explain how the food co-op’s goal is to fill a need within the Tacoma community, the need for an affordable grocery store with local, organic, healthy, bulk, whole and natural foods.

Furthermore, the planners envision the Tacoma food co-op educating and building community. “(A food co-op) builds social capital,” Andree said.

“It’s not just a store, but it brings people together, enriching one another.”

The community-based vision for the potential Tacoma food co-op was agreed upon by the members of the steering committee, which intro-

asups photoservices/Nicole Marshall

UPS alums work to grow healthy and natural food in a Tacoma co-op. duced its vision to the public on Feb. 21 at a communitywide meeting to attract attention, support and enthusiasm for the project. Seventy-five people attended the meeting.

The steering committee has been working with the Northwest Co-op Development Center (NWCDC), an Olympia-based nonprofit organization that assists new and existing cooperative businesses.

NWCDC hopes to encourage community economic development with the cooperative business model.

NWCDC provides potential co-op groups with information that evaluates the conditions of the community and examine the needs of the potential co-op.

“The Tacoma food co-op group agrees that it needs to be both flexible and realistic (with the products it can offer),” Andree said.

For instance, Andree gave the example of bananas, which are not going to be available locally in Washington state. A feasibility study will help evaluate essential elements like the fact that not every product will be organic or local.

NWCDC’s Market Feasibility Study costs an estimated $8,000 to $10,000.

“The steering committee is researching options as we approach the future feasibility study,” Amber Englund, a member of the steering committee, said. “We are trying to assess currently if that (NWCDC’s cost) is a consistent cost or not.”

Consequently, the next step for the Tacoma food co-op group is to raise funds.

“We have to take into account the feasibility of our vision, and we need to do lots of fundraising,” Andree said.

“Fortunately, there are lots of funding alternatives specific to co-ops.”

As the preliminary surveying of the potential Tacoma food co-op occurs, the group hopes that the project can establish a store in about two years. Two sites are under consideration.

A central downtown location would fill the need for a grocery store in the area, while a store in the Hilltop area would specifically provide more options for better food to people of low income.

“The primary focus (of the food co-op) is to attract and engage all parts of the community,” Andree said.

• Johanna Wallner loves bananas, she loves them so much that sometimes she dreams about living in a banana tree.

Security Report Security staff responded to, or received reports of, the following incidents on campus between Feb. 28, 2007 and March 6, 2007: • March 3: Security responded to two reports of vandalized men’s bathrooms in residence halls. One on the 3rd floor of Todd/Phibbs and the other on the 3rd floor of Anderson Langdon Hall. In both incidents shower curtains were torn down and stuffed in the toilets.

• March 4: A student reported his 1997 Honda Civic was stolen from the parking lot east of Seward Hall. The theft was reported to Tacoma Police.

• March 6: A student reported his 1995 Acura stolen the parking lot south of the Wheelock Student Center. The theft was reported to Tacoma Police.

Crime Prevention Tips: Please remove all valuables from your vehicle. Expensive items visible from the outside increase the chances it will be broken into.

Some Toyotas and Hondas are susceptible to theft. The use of an external steering wheel locking device is highly recommended.

• Courtesy of Todd A. Badham

News The Trail

Lights Out

March 9, 2007 cont. from page

3 1

type of material that Elling back to Relationship Stone one. It’s fun advice, it’s there. chose to write about.

Age in just a couple of sen- If you don’t want to read it, Segawa called Elling in af- tences.” then don’t.” ter giving her a copy of the The letter continued on to Senior chemistry major letter, and the two discussed criticize Elling’s apparent Robel Biru weighed in on the what actions should be taken perspective on relationships issue. in response. Ultimately both as gath“I could Segawa and Elling decided to ered from definitely refrain from writing any sort her colsee how it “Not everyone on campus agrees could be of rebuttal or response to the umn, and complaint, with Segawa giv- proceeded on everything, and so if we can distasteful ing Elling full responsibil- to give ad- print something that challenges to some ity and power over what she vice and people to consider how they think p e o p l e , ” wanted to do. p e r s o n a l and what they think, we’re doing Biru said.

The second complaint o p i n i o n s our job.”

“I thought -Brandon Lueken it was kind came in the form of an e-mail as to the to Segawa from the parent c o n t e n t of trashy of a current UPS student on and mesmyself.

Feb. 26, and referenced the sage of her articles. The letter However, I support the right Feb. 16 article and adjoining also pointed out the fact that of The Trail to run it and I cartoon. The cartoon was of Elling is not a certified sex don’t think it’s out of charactwo toucans, with one saying, therapist or relationship ex- ter for a college newspaper.”

“I like your enthusiasm, but pert, and questioned her auThe Trail editors, for their try a little lower.” The e-mail thority on the matter, asking, part, have been in constant was short and expressed dis- “What credentials give her discussion over the issue. In belief. the right to dispense what we the last issue on March 2, the Segawa was quick to re- see as irresponsible sex thera- editors added a disclaimer spond, and sent the parent a py and relationship advice to above Elling’s column saydetailed reply. In it he stated her fellow students?” ing, “This column contains that The Trail is a student-run The letter also addressed the sexually explicit material that publication and that it is man- idea of journalistic freedom some readers may find offenaged by ASUPS. He also said, and integrity, saying, “The sive. The Trail does not nec“While the tastefulness and privilege of expression does essarily endorse or condone appropriateness of them has not come without responsi- participation in such acts.” been questioned, the editorial bility. You owe your fellow Editor-in-Chief Brandon staff of s t u d e n t s Lueken is in full support of The Trail better than the column and says that he was well what you feels it has a place in the pa“I thought it was kind of trashy have pro- per. He acknowledges the within its authority myself. However, I support the vided them concerns heard from many to publish right of The Trail to run it and I in your last different people, but also says the article don’t think it’s out of character for two arti- that there has been a lot of and car- a college newspaper.” cles.” positive feedback, including -Robel Biru toon.”

E l l i n g , one response from parents Segawa for her that said that they liked getthen addpart, is in- ting something that was a bit ed, “We will however con- credibly surprised by all the different than anywhere else. tinue to work with The Trail fuss. She said when she was “Not everyone on campus students to help them grow originally trying to think of agrees on everything, and so and develop as responsible a topic on which to write if we can print something that journalists.” she debated either writing a challenges people to consider Segawa felt it was impor- health and wellness column how they think and what they tant to keep all decisions on or a sex column. She chose think, we’re doing our job,” the printing of the column up the sex column because she Lueken said. “As much as I to the students, and said that felt that it would be more fun want to make people happy the only time he would get and provocative and would with the paper we produce, involved was if a student vio- increase readership. part of making some peolated the integrity code.

Elling felt the complaints ple happy is making some The third complaint came in were somewhat unfair, as people angry, and we’ve got the form of a letter addressed she had received none in re- to deal with that.” to the editorial staff of The sponse to the Valentine’s Day Lueken also pointed out that Trail on Feb. 28. This was the column, which was an article UPS sponsors other functions most extensive complaint to that also directly referenced on campus that relate to and date, and came from a source sex in a how-to manner. She talk about sex in a graphic, on campus that is widely used says that lewd manby many students: the Coun- she does ner, such selling, Health and Wellness not intend “What credentials give her the as CockServices department. The let- for all of right to dispense what we see as Tales and ter was signed as being from her col- irresponsible sex therapy and rela- the Vagina CHWS Staff Members as a umns to be tionship advice to her fellow stu- M o n o whole. as risqué dents?” logues put It addressed Elling’s two as the two -Letter of complaint from on every articles on oral sex. The letter on oral individuals working at CHWS year. took specific phrases and pas- sex were, “ T h e sages from the past columns with this Trail is and criticized them not only week’s besupposed from a standpoint of health ing on STDs and next week’s to inform students about awareness, saying that Elling on services that CHWS offers what’s going on, but [it’s] has an obligation to discuss in regards to testing and coun- also supposed to raise pubthe health risks involved, but selling in relation to sex. lic discourse about different also from a social and moral Elling was especially sur- subjects,” Lueken said. platform. prised at the CHWS letter A&E editor Nguyen is also In one part of the letter, a because she felt like it insinu- in support of Elling, noting previous sentence was cited ated that she had much more that her last column was the from the article titled, “Pleas- sway over the student body top viewed article on The ing your man with your than she currently feels like Trail’s webpage. mouth,” in which Elling had she has.

“I like the column, it’s rewritten that men enjoy part“It’s just supposed to be ally well-written and handled ners that are excited and will- fun, making people aware of with maturity, but at the same ing to give oral sex, and that the choices they make,” El- time it’s a little tongue-inpartners should not act like ling said. “I feel like relation- cheek,” Nguyen said. “Liz it is a chore or an obligation ship advice is something that likes writing it, we like runeven if it is to them. is the parents’ responsibility ning it and apparently people Part of CHWS’s response to teach their children, not like reading it.” to this advice was, “Ms. El- mine. It’s humorous, and I • Kara Becker also writes books on sexuality, her most famous ling has managed to slam us don’t intend to lecture to anytitled “Hard Times.”

Nominate a Student Leader TODAY for a University Leadership Award!!!

Nomination forms available on-line at: http://www2.ups.edu/dsa/nominationform.shtml

Due Date: March 21, 2007 University Leadership Award Ceremony April 21st at 3 p.m.

Kilworth Chapel Corrections from last week

In the picture story on ASUPS elections Brett Veerhusen’s name was spelled incorrectly. Also, in the Tamanawas article, Tamanawas sold 350 yearbooks, which was much more then the reported $350 in sales. We apologize for any confusion this might have caused.

1095 Wheelock Student Center Tacoma, WA 98416-1095 253-879-3197 (main & ads) • 253-879-3661 (fax) thetrailnewspaper.com • trail@ups.edu

Editorial Board Executive Editors....................trail@ups.edu Editor in Chief Brandon Lueken Managing Editor Katie Azarow Advertisements..................trailads@ups.edu Business & Advertising Manager Helen Macdonald Photo Services..........photoservices@ups.edu General Manager Nick Kiest Photo Editor Paul Wicks News...............................trailnews@ups.edu Co-Editors Yujung Choi, Lauren Foster Copy Editor Maddy Ryen Sports..................upstrailsports@gmail.com Editor Will Holden Assistant Editor Joe Engler Copy Editor Erica Petrofsky Opinions............................trailops@ups.edu Co-Editors Russell Howe, Chris Van Vechten Copy Editor Betsy Walker Arts & Entertainment...........trailae@ups.edu Editor Kevin Nguyen Assistant Editor Nick Martens Copy Editor Megan Dill-McFarland Features.....................traileditors@ups.edu Layout Editor Mark Delbrueck Content Editor Fayez Rumi Combat Zone................trailheyyou@ups.edu Hey You’s & Combat Zone Editor Nicole Liuzzi Hey You’s & Features Copy Editor Allison Ause Cartoonists Elliot Trotter, Aaron Lynch Trail Faculty Advisor..................David Droge

COmiCs & CLAssiFieDs

“HEY YOU,” stuck-up girls who cut in front of us at the lottery, learn some manners.

“HEY YOU,” Czech chick, your sperm looked great on the wall like that.

“HEY YOU,” the housing lottery sucks balls.

“HEY YOU,” girl in my genetics class, you have such a sophisticated appeal.

The Trail

March 9, 2007

4

“HEY YOU,” ASUPS, the way you organized the voting last week was the most flawed, undemocratic BS I’ve ever seen. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

“HEY YOU,” with the moustache, let me see your boobs.

“HEY YOU,” stop smoking so much and do me.

“HEY YOU,” with the skirt, keep your knees closed because I don’t want to see it.

“HEY snitching.

YOU,”

stop

“HEY YOU,” congrats on the tourney. Way to keep it in the Alpha Charlie.

“HEY YOU,” what the f**k is Chi?

“HEY YOU,” stop s**tting on the floor.

“HEY YOU,” Cellar, you are my savior.

“HEY YOU,” running traffic stop signs can cause serious injuries, or in some cases death.

“HEY YOU,” why do only jocks and Greeks sit on the first floor in the SUB?

“HEY YOU,” couples partner, I like it when you get dirty.

“HEY YOU,” burnt sienna tights in the cafe, tights aren’t pants.

“HEY YOU,” redhead, dance the funky chicken.

“HEY YOU,” you liked my beard. Flash me them titties!

“HEY YOU,” we should have more parties in bathrooms.

“HEY YOU,” men's crew team, if you want to wear rugby shirts, play rugby.

“HEY YOU,” we miss the beard. And that’s right, Catholicism is cool biatch.

“HEY YOU,” next time you are in Canada, take off your shoes.

“HEY YOU,” RA, your hat is remarkably white.

“HEY YOU,” people who trashed T/P bathrooms, not cool.

“HEY YOU,” get back on your beach diet.

“HEY YOU,” you're the sexiest sprinting gymnast I’ve ever seen.

“HEY YOU,” Catholicism is cool, I swear

CLASSIFIED

“HEY YOU,” stop puking on my wall.

“HEY YOU,” senior guy with the glasses and the hat, you drink more beers than your housemates.

CLASSIFIEDS POLICY The Trail shall not be held liable for the content or accuracy of its Hey You ads. The opinions of the “Hey You” ads do not represent the opinions of The Trail or The Trail Staff. No paid members of The Trail editorial staff may submit “Hey You” ads. No personal names are allowed in the “Hey You” ads. The Trail reserves the right to modify or discontinue any and all parts of the ad, and without notice.

The reader agrees not to use the The Trail’s ”Hey You” ad section to create damaging, unlawful, harmful or threatening content; commit libel or false accusations; be false, inaccurate or misleading; or discriminate in any way shape or form. Although The Trail strives to accurately portray each reader’s classified or “Hey You” ad, providing a service for the UPS community, The Trail always has the final say in the final copy of the ”Hey You” ad section.

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“HEY YOU,” girl in my class, don’t hit on me if you a have a boyfriend, it’s just poor form.

“HEY YOU,” I really wanted to say something to you, but I just couldn’t think of anything.

“HEY YOU,” stop talking about masturbation, just stop.

“HEY YOU,” Trail editor you have an unhealthy affection for apple sauce.

“HEY YOU,” Russian lit, you are depressing but addictive.

“HEY YOU,” Texas, get ready for some PNW lovin’.

“HEY YOU,” stupid girl, just because it sounds good in your head, doesn’t mean it sounds good out loud.

“HEY YOU,” I know you want to sleep with our professor. That’s gross.

“HEY YOU,” Arcadia, why so long?

“HEY YOU,” sorority girl, try to keep the twins under wraps. It’s not that they’re a bad thing, but save them for special occasions.

“HEY YOU,” red-headed neighbor, thanks for the peanut butter.

“HEY YOU,” seniors who don’t have to write a thesis, you’ll be working for me one day.

“HEY YOU,” with the iPod, step into the real world.

“HEY YOU,” dude in my Phil. class, it’s okay to shut up every once in a while.

“HEY YOU,” midterms, stop molesting me.

“HEY YOU,” varsity crew boys, nice spandex.

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The objective of the game is to fill all the blank squares in a game with the correct numbers. There are three very simple constraints to follow. In a 9 by 9 square: 1. Every row must include all digits 1 through 9 in any order.

2. Every column must include all digits 1 through 9 in any order.

3. Every 3 by 3 subsection of the 9 by 9 square must include all digits 1 through 9.

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Opinions March 9, 2007

The Trail

5

Keeping patients’ right to heal clear from reach of insurance

By Jesimin Berman jberman@ups.edu Opinions Writer

It’s a relief to see a fair amount of activism on the UPS campus. Last year’s “Take Back the Night” raised awareness of sexual assault cases and if you walk into the SUB and look towards the Info Center, you can’t help but notice the big white board filled with dots representing sexual assault victims. Yet when it comes to health care (depending on how jaded you’ve already become by life), would you expect insurance companies to infringe on the rights of women who need breast cancer treatment?

If you’re looking for a way to be politically active with a minimum amount of energy, go to http://www.lifetimetv. com/breastcancer/petition/ signpetition.php and sign a petition aimed at securing breast cancer patients the option of a minimum two-day recovery stay in a hospital following a mastectomy.

The Breast Cancer Protection Act has been introduced to Congress in four previous versions and will be raised again this year in order to put an end to “drive-thru” mastectomies in which the entire breast is removed as part of an “outpatient procedure.”

There are various types of mastectomies and in more extensive versions, the sur-

rounding muscle through a mastectomy, would tissue beneath the you want the responsibility of breast and even taking them home and having the lymph nodes to help them monitor for such under the arm are fun side effects as swelling, removed as well. redness, or infection at the Could you imag- surgical site as well as a pooline being a wom- ing of fluid that would have to an, placed under be drained out of the surgical anesthesia so that your breast site, not to mention the emocan be removed, and then sent tional side effects that can inhome? Anyone who has had clude depression and suicidal any sort of surgery that re- thoughts? In fact, sometimes quired anesthesia knows that the tubes used during the proyou do not wake up in happy cedure to remove the breast mood. You awake disorient- have to remain in the patient’s ed. Considering that the type body for some time; what a of surgery we’re discussing shock that can be for the perhere deals son awakwith caning from cer and a surgery.

Forcing the patient prewoman The botlosing a maturely out of the hospital tom-line is part of at the request of the insur- that a masher that is ance company is anything tectomy is highly asessentially s o c i a t e d but fair. an amputawith her tion.

The femininpatient has ity, is it too much to ask that to leave the hospital minus she at least receive proper an emotionally crucial body post-surgery care?

The part; a body part that was Breast Cancer Protection Act removed because of the sewants to require a minimum riousness of the cancer that two-night stay in the hospital was in it. Forcing the patient following the mastectomy so prematurely out of the hospithat the patient can be proper- tal at the request of the insurly monitored by a medically ance company is anything but certified staff who can handle fair; the insurance company’s any potential side effects of “power of the purse” should the surgery. not be a factor in deciding if a Maybe you’re not con- patient is entitled to an inpavinced at this point that a tient procedure. The Breast minimum stay after a mastec- Cancer Protection Act wants tomy is necessary. But as the the choice to be in the hands loved one of someone going of the doctor and patient who

has to live with the consequences of the procedure.

But insurance companies should not despair, there are women who will opt to go home after the procedure but it should not be demanded of all women; patients’ reactions to the surgery will vary just as the impact, both physically and emotionally, differs between people.

This was a big issue during the Clinton Administration that has since faded behind larger issues of war, national security, and the economy.

While no overarching federal legislation has to date been enacted to ensure that insurance companies don’t force a patient out of the hospital too early, twenty states have issued their own laws. However, like so many things in life, “prices and participation” in coverage and eligibility requirements for mastectomy care will vary. Sign the petition because it will make a world of difference to the people in this country who have to go through such a traumatizing surgery and risk complications by being denied the option for an overnight stay because of pressure from insurance companies to cut costs. Do not let these rights slip away from one segment of the population or who knows what will be taken away next.

• Jesimin Berman encourages all women to take action for their health rights.

Learning lessons from Afghanistan

By Walid Zafar wzafar@ups.edu Opinions Writer

As we made our escape through a cloak of darkness, relaying from one courier to the next before securing safe passage to Pakistan, we abandoned our homes and our lives in Afghanistan – a nation then torn by civil war and strife. Frankly I remember very little of it, but that which I do recall is as vivid as yesterday. When I was about three or four my grandmother took me to a market in the De Afghanan district of Kabul.

Either not realizing my youthful sensibilities or unable to think of anything else to tell me, she took me to a then crowded section of the city to show me where a rocket had fallen the day before. Along the sidewalk stood a square makeshift shrine which contained the unidentifiable body parts of the victims. I did not understand death then, but I understood what a rocket was, I understood what pain was, and my adolescence did little to assuage my understanding of war. At that point, the “international community”

did not feel much for a people who were mired in a myriad of wars and a prolonged drought that left millions homeless and starving (and all this, mind you, before the Taliban even exist-

ed).

From Pakistan we eventually immigrated to the United States. Here we settled, assimilated and attempted to forget all we had seen – especially my uncle, who at 17 had been forceably conscripted into taking up arms. The mine fragments that riddled his legs and lodged near his heart serve as permanent testimonies to what war is. Yet no one cared about my uncle back then, nor my grandmother, nor – for that matter – Afghanistan.

Then 9/11 hit and all of a sudden the entire world cared about the Afghan child and the Afghan woman. Within months, President George W. Bush proclaimed that the ousting of the Taliban had saved the Afghans from “starvation and freed a country from brutal oppression.”

The truth, of course, is a lot murkier. In order to get rid of the brutal Taliban regime, the

U.S cooperated with a bunch of thugs, akin to rape, murder, drug smuggling and the like.

One of the most notorious of these mass murderers was a warlord named Dostum, who during the War orchestrated the notorious “Convoy of Death” in which thousands of Taliban prisoners were executed. He later became Afgahnistan’s defense minister.

Another brutal warlord and drug trafficker, Muhammad Daoud, assumed the position of deputy interior minister.

Saving people from oppression by replacing their brutal government with people far more sadistic defies logic, but in this day and age, specifically where American foreign policy is concerned, what doesn’t? Though there have been improvements made in this regard, and many of the warlords have been purged from the Cabinet, they nonetheless control most of the country. President Karzai has failed to ameliorate strife; his influence does not extend beyond Kabul and even there, he is escorted everywhere by a slew of American supplied bodyguards. Millions of these “saved people” are still starving and have become disenchanted.

Not surprisingly, but much to the chagrin of Toby Keith fans, the Taliban are close to recapturing Afghanistan. After five years and a couple hundred “precision” bombs “mistakenly” dropped on sleeping children, Operation Enduring Freedom has failed miserably. Aside from miniscule improvements in the Afghan peoples’ daily lives, there has been very little to celebrate. According to the British-based Senlis Council, “certain provinces of the country lay claim to the worst maternal mortality rates ever recorded in the world.” Most worrisome to the liberal psyche is that many of the same misogyny laws that somehow justified occupation still remain on the books.

Perhaps the greatest proliferation has been that of opium. Afghanistan now accounts for close to 90 percent of all the opium production in the world. Far from being saved, the nation has become a narco-state. Worse is the introduction of something entirely new to Afghan theopolitical conflicts: suicide bombings. During his time, my uncle had never heard of a single suicide bombing see TALIBAN page 7

Letter to the Editor Dear Editor, Since Friday, activists from around the Northwest, including the organizations Tacoma Port Militarization Resistance and Olympia PMR, have been demonstrating at the Port of Tacoma. We have been resisting the military’s export of Stryker vehicles and other weapons of war through our port to join the illegal, immoral war in Iraq.

Last year, the military did the same through the Port of Olympia, and experienced mass public opposition, including acts of nonviolent civil disobedience to block the vehicles from entering and exiting the port. Fort Lewis was scared enough to avoid Olympia this year and to export war through Tacoma under the cover of darkness.

Yet activists have demonstrated every night since Mar. 2 at the Port of Tacoma. Other demonstrations are planned this week, including a vigil over I-5 Monday and a rally at the Federal Courthouse on Tuesday.

The demonstrators’ actions are not against the troops. They are directed at the approximately 300 Stryker vehicles being shipping to Iraq in advance of the deployment of the 4th Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division from Fort Lewis. The 4th Brigade is being deployed earlier than planned, as part of Bush’s suicidal “surge.” They are being deployed so quickly that they are forced to skip their final desert training in California.

The worst thing that will endanger the troops is to ship them over to Iraq. Our actions are being conducted out of concern for the lives of U.S. soldiers and, equally, the lives of Iraqi people.

Contact your local officials to express your opposition to them allowing the military to use our public facilities to endangers troops’ lives and export this illegal, immoral war on innocent civilians.

Sincerely, Rich McGrew Tacoma, WA 206-550-6945

Opinions The Trail

March 9, 2007

6

Springing for break by staying at home

By Russell Howe rhowe@ups.edu Opinions Editor Ahhh, the smell of Spring Break is in the air. Can you smell it? No, that’s the stench of the guy with pit stains standing behind you.

I’m talking about the scent of freedom and relaxation that is wafting around campus, heralding nine glorious days free from class.

Many will take this opportunity to go to the beach, go camping, go to wild parties, gamble, gorge on the carnality of youth, become pirates and engage in various other exciting activities. Others will merely sleep, and in my case, that sleep will be punctuated by nightmares of Keebler elves with clammy hands.

The truth is I will not do anything exciting for Spring Break. I never have, and at this point I might as well make it a clean sweep. And I am not the only one who shuns the excesses of extravagant Spring Break bacchanalia. For every Cancun and Ft. Lauderdale party, there is probably one other person beside me who remains home and makes the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I mean, there must be: right?

Just from the law of averages and what not? In any case, this article is for them — the “remain at homers.”

I’m tired of seeing all the hype for wild Spring Break destinations, tired of hearing others talk about their elaborate vacation plans, tired of feeling expected to do something original and thrilling.

Every year I am subjected to story after story about crazy parties involving beer bongs, watermelons and wild horses. What is wrong with doing things the old-fashioned way — sitting at home and using Magic Markers to draw constellations over your body’s moles?

Those of us who choose to forgo such extremes might not be the most beautiful people on campus, or the most socially connected, or even all that hygienic, but we are still people (except for that one kid who smells like goat). As such, we deserve recognition for our accomplishments, or our lack of accomplishment.

Anybody can have fun while taking tequila shots off of naked bodies. Now imagine having that same amount of fun without the tequila, or the naked bodies, or the fun. It doesn’t even make sense, but that’s what we do.

The fact is that Spring Break does not need to be exciting.

It does not need to be exotic, unique, extreme or even fun.

The only thing Spring Break needs to be is defined by the name: a break.

Long live the stay at homers.

Phil moore

Cutting costs with “Mercs” • What it means to be a contractor in Iraq

By T.J. Rakitan trakitan@ups.edu Opinions Writer

Imagine getting a bill for services you know were never rendered. Now imagine that the company billing you is one of a few dozen that you’re employing. Now, imagine further that you can never quite put your finger on the exact nature of what any • Russell Howe is a very sad of these companies are doand lonely man. ing, but your accounts show that, either way, it’s less expensive to have them doing the work than to do it yourself. Has this ever happened to you?

Well, you’re not alone: it turns out that the Bush administration has had this problem too.

Perhaps it’s a sign of the times: as Peter We are the Steven Klein Company, LSAT W. Singer of the Saban Center for Middle East Specialists. After 18 years and 4,500 students, Policy wrote in Foreign there probably isn’t anyone who knows more Affairs on March 1, about this test or how to teach it than we do.

2005, “... A whole raft of former state responsiThat is why Steven still teaches all his own bilities—including educlasses. That is why you should call us. cation, policing, and the operation of prisons— Our nine week course features 36 hours [have been] turned over of class time with weekly help sessions, seven to the marketplace.” I’m mock exams and assistance with the applicasure that English economists Adam Smith and tion process for the reasonable price of $1095.

David Ricardo are tapWe can answer any LSAT question - let us dancing in their graves. prove it. Call now for a free seminar.

Once again, free-market capitalism is efficiently 206-524-4915 allocating scarce resources (like mercenary manpower) where they

Sparta

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are demanded. Or, supported standards of interis it? rogation. Literally, they get The short answer away with murder. But it’s is yes: through cheaper than letting the milicontracts with pri- tary do it. vate military firms It’s no coincidence that war (PMFs), our gov- is being privatized, either. ernment has signifi- This is part of a far larger (and, cantly reduced the some would contend, more overall cost of involvement in sinister) trend that’s been Iraq. The long answer, how- in the works since the Cold ever, begins with “not really,” War: neo-liberalism.

Ok, and addresses the question of calm down, all you Politics whether or not it was really and Government majors out worth it. See, the unintended there, I didn’t mean that quite effect of contracting military the way it came out. Neo-lib(read: public) goals to private eralist policies are very open firms is that the firms can act to outsourcing things in genwithout the government’s eral. Here’s an example boroversight. Just think about rowed from economist Philip how many Morowski allegations of the Unihave been I’m sure that English versity of l e v e l l e d economists Adam Smith Notre Dame: against priduring the vate industry and David Ricardo are Cold War, in their the Amerioperating in tap-dancing Iraq lately: graves. can governHalliburton ment did its has been best to subaccused of sidize and billing for nonexistent serv- finance scholarly studies in ices; the shadowy mercenary the natural sciences—largely types serving on the battle- so we could show the Soviets fields often come with in- what freedom of the sciences complete background checks; could do and what wonders mercenaries have delayed, were achievable in American suspended and even walked democracy. This all came to away from critical operations an end when the Berlin Wall when they looked too hard; fell, meaning that neo-liberal and privatized prisoner-tor- capitalism had won the great ture need not be addressed by clash of ideologies and phigovernment standards. PMFs losopher Francis Fukuyama contract for results, not proc- was having a field day. It is ess—that is, they don’t need probably no coincidence that the Military Commissions Mr. Fuykuyama, a contempoAct to conduct a tribunal, nor rary champion of the neo-libare they bound to publicly- see CONTRACTORS page 7

Diva-cups

Tampons

Opinions March 9, 2007

The Trail

Taliban

The Pulse

PHOTO POLL

What have you done on past Spring Breaks? “Went to Canada and made out with an Australian.�

Ella White Sophomore

“Watched topless people ride on top of semis.�

within Afghanistan.

Instead of scattering “like rabbits� as the Toby Keith song goes, the Taliban have become even more emboldened. Two weeks ago, Vice President Dick Cheney was welcomed to Afghanistan by Abd al-Rahim. Rather than the proverbial rose petals, Cheney was greeted in Bagram by a “loud boom,� as he described it. Al-Rahim detonated himself, killing upwards of 20 people, more as a show of force than an actual assassination attempt.

With the snow thawing, opium proceeds growing and Pakistan harboring and openly colluding, the Taliban are poised to recapture Kabul from the warlords, whose governing style (albeit in a democratic cloak) has been just as horrible as that of their predecessors. The lesson of this, which should be very clear now as a result of the obvious yet not officially confirmed defeat in Iraq, is that in this post-modern age, Apaches and F-16s can-

Contractors

Matt Lonsdale Junior

eral ideology, once worked as an analyst for the RAND Corporation, a secretive U.S. Government-linked thinktank with origins in military weapons research following World War II. The bottom line is that there are not enough competitors for government contracts operating in Iraq to even approximate a competitive market, to say nothing of the fact that the shorter-term contracts that are being negotiated have no provisions against outright war profiteering. We might call it a bastardization of neo-liberal political economy.

So, in light of this egregious misuse of policy, I propose the following counter-strategy: throw open the gates to the rest of the world, inviting PMFs from across the globe to converge on Iraq and com-

“Saw Leslie Nielsen on a plane.�

Myke Okuhara Junior

“Went to temple with my mom.�

Anna Danila Freshman

“Killed a man ... is this going in the paper?�

Grizz Statue Sophomore

7 cont. from page

5

not help starving people, let alone free them. Indiscriminately killing hundreds of thousands with a single strike worked during WWII but today, when there is much greater transparency and one can hear what happened in Baghdad five minutes ago, an occupation just doesn’t work.

As the Israelis can attest (although not openly), killing people, especially innocent children and calling them “collateral damage� only serves to embolden those whose land is being occupied.

It is a shame that the majority of the world sees this.

Even our friends in NATO see this, but the talons of the world superpower just cannot clutch reality. Iraq and Afghanistan, two nations going through the “birth pangsâ€? of democracy are in fact two failed states. Why do we in America not see what the rest of the world does? • Walid Zafar works hard to bring you the truth about the world. Sometimes it works. cont. from page

6

Letter to the Editor Dear Editor, I was dismayed to read the story in the March 2 issue about the struggles the yearbook staff is having getting this year’s issue of Tamanawas published. I oversee the University Archives, which is housed in Collins Library. It would be a great loss to Puget Sound if the yearbook was no longer published. The Tamanawas and The Trail are the two most important collections in the archives for historical information on the university, particularly information pertaining to students and student life. They are referred to all the time. We live in an era of digital photographs, e-mail, text messaging, and myriad other forms of intangible communication.

None of these formats are yet considered durable enough to last decades, let alone centuries, like paper and print photographs. We risk having our chapter of the history of the University of Puget Sound being incomplete or missing.

I urge students to support the yearbook. Provide photographs. Assist the yearbook staff. Leave something for your future reunions.

pete for contracts valued in the billions of dollars. We could issue vouchers or permits for mercenary work (to be voided upon violation of government standards) and establish a market for them— any firm wishing to play war profiteer must posses one of these permits with failure to hold one while operating in the hot zone punishable by persona-non-grata status.

Firms could trade the perSincerely, mits, selling them to others if their game becomes unprofElizabeth Knight itable, and the U.S. governUniversity Archives ment could tax a percentCo-ordinator age of this revenue and split Collins Library the take with the new Iraqi regime.

You never know: it just might work.

3 &AWCETT !VE THE Or, on the other 4ACOMA 7!

hand, we could C I N E M A WITH STUDENT )$ just leave. • T.J. Rakitan is a

Editorial Policy: Columns do not necessarily represent the opinions of The Trail. The Trail encourages all readers to respond to all articles or important issues by writing a letter to the Editor. Columns and letters in the Opinions section are printed at the discretion of the Editorial Board. The Trail reserves the right to refuse any letter that is submitted for publication. Letters must be signed with a full name and contact information and are due no later than 5 p.m. on Mondays. Letters may be mailed to trailops@ ups.edu or delivered through the mail to CMB 1095. If possible, submissions should be

shorter than 400 words.

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SPRING BREAK

Regretable Facebook photos to follow

SDS

Tacoma PD

FeAtUres March 9, 2007

8

Twice a week, a small group of UPS students meets to practice falling, throwing and physics. No, they are not bored science majors. They are the UPS Judo Club, and they are learning the martial art under the tutelage of Professor Karim Ochosi, an Olympic coach and previous national team member with 33 years of judo experience.

The club has been practising for two years on wrestling mats in the Fieldhouse dance room. Junior Ali Divanfard, treasurer of the club, estimates that two to three members come to practice consistently.

“It takes more commitment than many people expect,” he said. “It takes years before you become like the guys in the movies.”

The first thing members learn is how to

ASUPS PHOTOSERVICES/ EMILY HEARST

fall correctly and safely. After that, they practice the fundamental throws and holds of the martial art.

“The most important thing is breaking the balance [of your opponent],” Divanfard said.

“It’s not about strength, it’s about leverage. It has a lot to do with physics – maximum efficiency, minimum effort. Theoretically, your weight and size don’t really matter.”

Though funding has prevented the club from competing in any tournaments as of yet, they have travelled to other clubs in the area to train. Divanford said that in those situations, Ochosi’s coaching has been valuable.

“It’s kind of a testament to how much it matters who your teacher is,” he said.

The Judo Club’s small size often means it gets lower priority for facilities, but the club still prefers to let students “self-select” into the group rather than advertising widely. Divanfard hopes the club will become stronger as more people join; more students will have higher rankings, and will therefore be able to help less experienced members. He emphasized that the club welcomes both men and women interested in competing.

For more information on the club, e-mail judo@ups.edu.

By: Maddy Ryen • mryen@ups.edu

The Trail

arsity athletics not your cup of tea? UPS has a up your alley. For a full listing of all

The rugby team is a bunch of handsome, to reflect his motto: “Respect, structure and snot-blowing, mud-loving, head-cleating tenacity.” The team consists mostly of freshblokes that just love to get dirty in all situman and sophomores who have never before ations. A sport similar to both soccer and played rugby, but are picking up the game football, rugby is a game very quickly. Led by Senior of grace and intensity. Gut Captain, John Zager, the team wrenching tackles done at has a record of 1-1 in league full sprint are a common games with good showings sight at matches that usuat both matches. The team ally result in a player (on is optimistic that this will be the opposing team’s side, a very successful semester. of course) being hauled off All the remaining games for to the emergency room. the rugby team will be held ASUPS PHOTOSERVICES/ HOLDEN SAPP The UPS team has had at home, on Todd field. So a revival in the last couple come out to the games, get rowsemesters. Recently acquired dy and support Logger Rugby coach Dan Cantillana is molding the program team as they tackle their way to victory.

By: Andy Lundequam & Fayez Rumi • frumi@ups.edu

At a tournament in Idaho during its first season in fall, 2005, Clear Cut, the women’s ultimate Frisbee club team only had three UPS players. However, that stage is history; this season the team now has a full roster of 17 players, doubling last year’s numbers. The women’s playing experience ranges from those who have played on high school teams to others who have never thrown a disc before. The women practice at least three times a week, including conditioning sessions and practising throws and plays. Overall improvement has not only showed in the evolution of uniforms, (formerly hand screened, now professionally printed), but also the women’s

PHOTO COURTESY: HTTP://ASUPS.UPS.EDU/CLUBS/ULTIMATE

skill; the team’s knowledge and finesse ingame have significantly improved with each tournament.

Last semester, the team participated in three, two-day tournaments. Clear Cut first

journeyed to Arcata, Calif. for the Humboldt State University tournament. There, the women were 2-4 and competed against many aggressive competitors including UC Berkeley and Humboldt State. At the Sundoger Tournament in Burlington, Wash., the women went 2-2. One of the highlights was beating the nationally-ranked U British Columbia team. The last fall tournament ended in Eugene, Ore. at the OFUDG Tournament where the women also went 2-4. Currently, the team is aiming to qualify for the Northwest Regional Tournament held in April.

By: Caitlin Holland: Guest Writer

FeAtUres March 9, 2007

The Trail

a number of club sports that may just be right the club sports on campus, visit:

The Puget Ping Pong Players (P4) are not just hitting a little white ball back and forth across a table. They are becoming better people while they do it.

P4’s mission is “to bring a forum for friendly competition and non-competitive Ping Pong games; to provide an atmosphere of love and appreciation for the sport [and] to foster opportunities to be challenged in competitive Ping Pong while encouraging mental, emotional and spiritual growth.”

Juniors Alex Lichty and Allison Beller founded the club in the fall of 2005. The group meets approximately once every two weeks, and Beller estimated that five to ten

The inter-mural UPS Soccer Club is getting ready to kick off their 2007 spring season. The team, only two years new, has some fresh, young faces ready to bolster the roster, which is currently filled with mostly juniors and seniors. The crop of new talent is exciting to see, and should help the already successful soccer team carry on for years to come.

UPS FC has gone to the Greater Seattle Soccer League’s championship game two fall seasons in a row, only to come up short on both occasions. The most recent went into a shootout. UPS FC is ready to shake off the disappointment and dominate the upcoming games. The spring season usually consists of seven games with no playoffs and the players are itching to get on the field. Many of the team’s veterans were abroad last semester, but they have returned and the team should prove very dangerous.

PHOTO COURTESY: JANECE LEVIEN

It’s that time of the year again. Lager Lacrosse is rolling out and this player couldn’t be more enthused. Coached by Kevin Leary and Kyle Berggren, the Lagers – yes, like the beer – have arrived at a 2-2 record since beginning their regular season games on February 17. So far, the Lagers have faced off

against Linfield, Willamette, Central Washington, and Whitman. We are set to take on cross-town rivals PLU on Saturday, March 24 at PLU. All UPS students are encouraged to come; club sports are just as much fun to watch as varsity sports.

The Lagers receive funding through ASUPS, but also participate in fund-raising events (i.e. obnoxious country concerts) in order to raise money for travel, league dues, etc.

Honestly, this Lager has seen Rascal Flatts and Sugerland one too many times.

But it’s certainly not all work and no play for us Lagers, (trust me, we get plenty of play), because the club atmosphere allows the athletes (yes, we are athletes, but no, we’re not better than you) to relax and just enjoy the sport with-

9

students show up regularly for practices, though they have seen up to 20 students on occasion. Dean Jean Kim served as the team’s advisor until her resignation.

Though the sport – also known as Table Tennis – is often thought of as simply a recreational activity, competitive play is common.

It has been an Olympic event since 1988.

Beller said most students come to the club already knowing how to play Ping Pong; those who do not, pick it up quickly.

“I am interested in the club purely for fun,” she said. “Everyone loves Ping Pong, even if they won’t admit it.”

By: Maddy Ryen • mryen@ups.edu

PHOTO COURTESY: JOE ENGLER

Their first competition will be an exhibition match against the inmates of the McNeil Island Penitentiary on the first Sunday following spring break. Official times for regular season games against other men’s teams in the Seattle area are yet to be announced.

If enough student show interest in the club, a tryout will be held soon within the upcoming weeks. The team tries to keep around 19 players and there are currently about six positions available on the roster.

Students who wish to find out more about the team, or to display their skills, should contact Micael Lucia at mlucia@ups.edu.

Joe Engler • jengler@ups.edu

out the hassles of NCAA regulations.

That means we can gamble and join Facebook pools – sweet.

While us Lagers don’t take ourselves too seriously off the field, on the field, the Lagers bring it like any other team, varsity or otherwise. What’s so great about our team is that being a club sport gives everyone equal opportunity to sign up and learn how to play Lacrosse, even without previous experience.

This makes our team dynamic warm and welcoming. One could say we’re like a family.

Maybe that’s why so many guys signed up to play this year. Then again, maybe it’s the fact that we get to chase people around and hit them with metal sticks. One or the other; I’m a family man myself.

By Jim Seratt: Guest Writer

Arts & Entertainment The Trail

March 9, 2007

10

Schematics rock casbah • UPS funk band knocks out audience at the Swiss

Disclaimer: This column contains sexually explicit material that some readers may find offensive. The Trail does not necessarily endorse or condone participation in such acts.

Lights out with Liz • Sexually Transmitted Diseases Part 1

By Liz Lumiére

your urethra (men) or your cervix (women) to test, and if you are positive, will Sex Columnist prescribe oral antibiotics.

Chlamydia is easily treated While high school sex-ed within a week or two once might have scarred you for diagnosed. life, if you are sexually active this article will provide Genital Herpes a good refresher course on Herpes is a viral infection sexually transmitted diseas- that can be caused by two es (STDs). different viruses that begins STDs are among the most with a very noticeable, often common contagious dis- painful outbreak of sores. eases and anyone can get an However, other symptoms STD by vaginal, anal or oral may include fever, headsex. The germs that cause ache and muscle aches. As STDs are found in semen, with most STDs, there are blood, vaginal secretions often no symptoms at all. and sometimes saliva.

There is no cure, but there You are at a higher risk if are antiviral medications you have more than one sex that can suppress or lessen partner, you have sex with outbreaks. One head’s up: someone who has multiple condom use can decrease, partners, or you do not use a but not eliminate, the risk condom (“unprotected sex” of getting herpes. includes oral sex without a condom).

Gonorrhoea Even if you only have one Gonorrhoea is a bacterial partner, be sure to consider disease that can grow in the who else your partner has reproductive tract, vagina, slept with. If your partner urethra, mouth, throat and is worth anything, they will anus. 75% of cases occur not object if you suggest in people aged 15-29 years, that they receive tests. Re- which makes gonorrhoea member that condoms can testing especially important decrease the risk of getting for college students. Any or transmitting an STD, but unusual pain, discharge, they are not guaranteed pro- or spotting can be signs tection. of gonorrhoea, but often Often, STDs have no symptoms are unnoticeable symptoms, especially in or absent. women. Having an STD Gonorrhoea is easily conweakens the immune sys- tracted in the throat through tem and leaves you more oral sex and signs of invulnerable to other infec- fection include burning or tions. Not treating an STD swollen glands in the throat. can lead to organ damage. A swab or urine sample will So here is a rundown on the be taken during testing for most common infections: gonorrhoea, and your doctor will prescribe antibiotics Chlamydia if results are positive.

75% of infections in women occur without HPV symptoms and 50% of inThere are many types of fections in men occur with- the human papillomavirus. out symptoms, which leads Types 6 and 11 produce to Chlamydia being eas- genital warts and types 16 ily spread. If you do have and 18, while they do not symptoms, they usually result in genital warts, are occur within 1-3 weeks of linked to increased risk of contact and may include cervical cancer. Most HPV abnormal discharge, pain infections do not result in when having sex, itching or any symptoms, but if they burning. see STDS page 11 Your doctor will swab lightsoutwithliz@gmail.com

Asups photoservices/jen schmidt

Top: Taking a break from an evening of wailing, saxophonist Brett Cummings says a few words to the crowd.

Middle: Drummer Alex Westcoat, bassist Alex Dunn, and guitarist Colby Sander employ their signature garage funk sounds to an anxious Friday night audience at the Swiss Pub on March 1.

Bottom Left: Keyboardist Nigel Finley shows that it takes more than the Suzuki Method to get people dancing.

Bottom Right: Alex Dunn (again) and percussionist Sam Esecson hold down a steady funk rhythm in the back.

For more information on the Schematics, check out their MySpace page at myspace.com/schematicstacoma.

Mythbusting Logger traditions on campus

By Jessi Wyse jwyse@ups.edu A&E Writer You looked at all the pamphlets. You took a campus tour. You met with admissions representatives and sat in on a class or two. There was no question about it: UPS was the school for you.

And at this point, it still is.

Sure, you may have dealt with a crazy kid or two in your residence hall, eaten your share of funky SUB food, written the ten page paper from hell and been asked, “What can brown do for you?” by five thousand witty family friends. But regardless, it has

been a fun ride.

Still, a year or four after enduring the admissions process, one cannot help but think back on the preconceived notions we all developed when we first made our choice to become Loggers, and how quickly they wore off.

Between the website, the tour guides and the full-color brochures, there were bound to be some little embellishments here and there.

These myths are minor and harmless, but definitely worth a giggle now that we are here and love it anyway.

Let us take a look at a couple of the misconceptions you may have had before joining the world of Puget Sound.

Asups photoservices/jen schmidt

The marquee proudly announces Maroon Friday. But is it really?

Myth #1: UPS students like to study on the beautiful green UPS grass.

Everyone who has ever opened a UPS brochure has seen the pictures of students sitting or flopped on their stomachs in the middle of a

quad with books and laptops and pencils and smiles. The sun is always shining, the grass is always growing and Puget Sound students always appear to be creating a beautiful, happy, outdoor academic community.

It seems like a nice idea.

And there are some elements of it that do ring true. UPS students are (generally) friendly and smiley. Many do love the outdoors. And most of them spend at least some of a given day doing homework, sometimes in big grinning study groups like the ones pictured.

The problem? Everyone who has ever veered off the path for a shortcut through the grass knows that beneath the inviting green carpet lies a dangerous species of mud that can only be bred from the combination of Pacific Northwest rain and excessive watering. Even in August, there are places to see

MYTHBUSTING page 12

Arts & Entertainment The Trail

STDs

do occur, it is usually not until two to three months after infection. Since symptoms can be so delayed, it is important to be tested regularly to avoid passing the virus to another person.

Once again, condoms can decrease the risk of contracting HPV, but do not offer sure protection.

In the United States, 26% of women between the ages 14 and 59 currently have an HPV virus. Because of the link to cervical cancer and abnormal Pap smears, HPV can be especially dangerous to women. There is currently a vaccine for HPV and many health clinics are beginning to offer it, though usually at a high cost.

Syphilis If left untreated, syphilis is one of the most dangerous STDs. This bacterial infection often occurs in four phases, beginning with one or more sores in the mouth or on the genitals.

The next stage may include a red rash on the palms of the hands and the soles of the feet, flu like symptoms and possible weight loss.

During the third phase, the infection is often latent,

March 9, 2007 Cont. from page 10 producing no symptoms at all. The last phase results in severe organ problems and nerve damage that can lead to blindness, paralysis and dementia.

Your doctor will test for syphilis with a blood test.

If results are positive, your doctor will likely prescribe penicillin, which will kill the infection completely.

Talk to your partner before you begin a sexual relationship. If you choose to engage in risky behavior (such as having multiple partners), be sure to stay informed, get tested regularly and practice safe sex. Do not forget that for a condom to be effective in preventing STD transmission, it must be put on properly and before any genital-to-genital contact is made. Disheartening as it may be, do not rely upon your partner’s honesty. Being safe, tested and treated is your responsibility.

For more (intriguing) information regarding sexual heath and the resources available in Tacoma and on campus, read the next Lights Out with Liz. • Liz was nicknamed “The 300” in high school.

Scouting out film and theater

By David Lev dlev@ups.edu A&E Writer

will happen next year. McCarren Caputa, the Resident Director for Todd/Phibbs Hall, is the Faculty Advisor for the club.

She received this position officially when Dougharty left, although she had been involved in the club since she came here five years ago.

“It’s a good way to support the arts, and it gives you people to talk to about the theater,” she said.

Caputa also mentioned that the club is trying to put more emphasis on going to see movies. There are two times scheduled for going to see films—one at the end of March, the other at the end of April.

Unlike the play tickets (which have already been bought), going to the films is still up in the air. Simply contact Pugh at spugh@ups. edu to get on the mailing list. Freshman Betsy Kersey joined at the beginning of the year when she saw the club’s booth at LogJam. She went to the first show, “Moonlight over Magnolias” at the Intiman Theater, which has won the Tony Award for best regional theater in the U.S. “It was very funny. You didn’t need to know anything about ‘Gone With the Wind’ (which the play was based on), but it was funnier if you did,” she said.

Kersey has been a devoted member ever since.

She thinks that more people should join.

“We would appreciate more new members, especially guys,” she said.

Interested students should email Pugh or check out the club website: asups.ups.edu/ club/fts/website/default.htm.

With all the theater and film on campus such as “Arcadia,” the Infinite Monkeys Festival and Campus Films; you would think that people would have had enough. But evidently, some people crave the theatrical arts so much that they need to get off campus to be satisfied. For them, there is Film and Theater Society (or FTS).

This club was founded in the fall of 2000 by an alumnus named Justin Garland and former Associate Dean for Student Services Houston Dougharty. Both were passionate about the theater and wanted to make it easier to see plays in Seattle and Tacoma.

Here’s essentially how the club works: at the beginning of each semester, the club meets to buy tickets for productions of plays.

Since it is a group of students, they get a special rate, usually below twenty dollars a pop. When the time for a production comes around, the club rents vans from the University to go to the play.

There are discussions and bonding moments both on the way to the play and back.

“You end up getting to know people next to you pretty well,” said senior Susanna Pugh, the current president of FTS. In the past, the club has also sponsored an “Alternate Spring Break,” where members go down to Ashland for the Oregon Shakespeare Festival or to New York City to see Broadway plays.

• David Lev’s favorite musical It will not be doing that this year, however, due to lack of is the musical episode of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” interest. Pugh hopes that it

11

THIS IS SPARTA • “300’s” take on Battle of Thermopylae is a riot

By Kevin Nguyen and Nick Martens knguyen@ups.edu nmartens@ups.edu A&E Editors The trailers for “300” might be the highest achievement of human commercialism.

The incredible visuals, the preposterous yelling and the absurd violence all work together to create 60 seconds of enrapturing advertisement.

The question is, though, how does the movie stack up to the marketing? Is it everything that you have been led to believe? The A&E editors are here to debate that very topic.

Kevin Nguyen: Based on Frank Miller’s graphic novel of the same name, “300” is a high-budget depiction of the Battle of Thermopylae, retold and tailored with a visual style and energy pandering to our testosterone-saturated, patriarchal society.

Nick Martens: Basically, this movie is about 300 Spartans kicking the crap out of, like, a million Persians. It is totally sweet, and you have to run out and see it. Right now.

Go. KN: What? You liked it?

NM: How could you not like this movie? It’s everything you could ever want out of a historical action movie.

The ads promise Leonidas, the Spartan king played by Gerard Butler, shouting and kicking a Persian into a random bottomless pit, and that’s what “300” delivers throughout.

It’s absurd, and it knows it.

Photo courtesy: 300themovie.warnerbros.com

Gerard Butler gives even bad ass Chuck Norris a run for his money.

In fact, the movie revels in its absurdity.

KN: Fine. “300” is a film that takes pride in its own stupidity; it wallows in its own vulgarity. This is hardly something I could recommend to anyone.

NM: I could easily recommend it to anyone who knows the value of good entertainment. This movie is visually stunning, and the “vulgarity” you reference is wonderfully stylized and powerfully visceral. The action scenes in this movie are truly jaw dropping, and I enjoyed every second of them.

KN: I see your point, Nick, but there are better examples of good entertainment. While action films don’t have to be brilliant in order to be engaging, “300” is like watching your little brother play Nintendo. The Spartans slaughter wave after wave of Persian soldiers for no purpose other than to show gratuitous amounts of computer-animated blood.

NM: By that token, you would have to throw out all

mindless action movies, and I don’t hear you decrying “Terminator 2.” The brilliance of “300” is that it works within the usual action movie framework and takes advantage of what has become a tired and predictable genre.

Take, for example, a shot from the first battle sequence.

We are treated to a slow-motion side view of Leonidas marching confidently into charging Persians. The shot holds for a few whole minutes as Leonidas impales, amputates and eviscerates everyone in his path. It was one of the most well choreographed and strikingly executed action sequences I had ever seen. Director Zack Snyder wasn’t out to change action movies; his goal was to make the best action movie possible.

KN: Action films are all about good directing, and I don’t think “300” was a fair example of this at all.

Rather than calculated battle sequences, Snyder has gone for sensory overload. Rather see 300 page 12

Surveying splendors of Youtube

By Jordan Barber jebarber@ups.edu A&E Writer Youtube has been well publicized for its transformative effects on information. People from across the globe can post and view films, transcending political and cultural boundaries. No longer are large media corporations in control of what we view: Youtube and other “Web 2.0” sites such as Wikipedia and Myspace put the power of information directly into the user’s hands.

For the internet savvy, Youtube has also created a new type of entertainment.

Youtube has brought the advent of short amateur videos, something we never had easy access to before. Traditionally when we view film, we are accustomed to long movies asking us to invest a great deal of time. Youtube has an abundance of short, often ridiculous videos posted by anyone with a camera.

These videos do not take up very much time and are the new cutting edge in cultural humor. They focus on the younger generation: the absurd, the nonsensical, the

usual WTF-ery that belongs to the internet buff. Youtube is helping transform visual media by producing a new type of film humor itself, that which pokes fun at rapidly changing worldwide culture through silly amateur videos made by anyone with an internet connection.

Amateur films reign on Youtube, although most are of poor quality and not worth watching. Some are so ridiculous that they bear viewing, just like a spectacle on the street. Take “Crazy Screaming Lady,” for instance. The plot is innocent: a couple of teenage boys are filming in a parking lot when an insanely angry woman comes up to them and demands they stop filming. She parades about for around four minutes, yelling and convinced that these boys have been around for months filming and spying.

“Crazy Screaming Lady” is funny for a couple of reasons, but mainly because it takes an ordinary experience and propels it into the incredible. Even though this film was not acted or prepared, the reaction of the adult is so extravagant and absurd that we have to laugh at it. Like most Youtube videos, this

film is particularly funny for younger people. While the lady screams at the top of her lungs, the kids calmly remind her that they are in a public area. The generation gap here plays well: the adult is acting preposterous and paranoid, compared to the mellow and reasonable kids.

Other films play well on youth culture directly. “Shoes,” an incredibly strange but funny video, features the misunderstood teen Kelly who just wants to buy some shoes, but it is so much more than shoes. Kelly’s parents are awfully stereotypical, when the film reveals what everyone is thinking about, the dad blithely envisions “fiscal responsibility.”

After the first main scene, “Shoes” dives straight into the nonsensical and does not look back. Kelly busts out in song while on a rampage for the cutest shoes, no matter the cost. She is so wonderfully awkward and weird amidst a world of ho-hum that we cannot help but laugh. Kelly herself may not like being an awkward teenage girl, but she is so funny, and we want her to stay that way. The see YOUTUBE page 12

Arts & Entertainment Mythbusting

avoid. And between October and May, (which, I may add, encompasses virtually the whole school year), the whole area turns into a giant swamp that probably claims more socks than all the residence hall dryers combined.

As part of my myth-busting experiment, I asked my friend Amelia Thornton to come with me and see what studying in the grass would really be like.

It was your average drizzly Tacoma day at about noon, and we chose to have our faux academic powwow in the middle of the South Quad. I asked Amelia to lie on her stomach and look over my binder for a few minutes, then to stand back up again.

The results, though not at all shocking, were pretty unfortunate. Amelia’s feet, shirt, jeans, hands and chin were covered in muck, and the front cover of my binder was in equally bad shape.

It definitely did not make me want to bring my notes and laptop out to study, and I began to rethink my choice to wear anything but disposable clothing around campus.

It was pretty obvious that if I ever happened to trip in the grass, my entire outfit would be a goner.

Myth #2: Maroon Friday Every time you walk past the little electronic reader board by the SUB, there it is in big, bold, red, all-caps lettering: EVERY FRIDAY IS MAROON FRIDAY! When I first arrived at UPS, I figured this was one of three things: either students were supposed to dress in maroon to show their school spirit, professors were supposed to dress in maroon to spice up casual Friday, or that something on campus that was not ordinarily maroon became

Youtube

maker of “Shoes” has many other videos on Youtube. Try watching his other popular film called “Muffins.”

Some films do not even try connecting themselves to reality, such as “Charlie the Unicorn.” Inexplainably weird, “Charlie” is a unicorn reluctant to leave his sleeping spot, but eventually follows two eccentric unicorns up to see Candy Mountain. The main humor here is in unfamiliarity — the WTF-ness of it all. The voices are unsettling and most of the characters border on annoying.

After meeting up with a “magical” leopluridon, the plot quickly excuses itself from reality. The film knows it is absurd, but that is why “Charlie” is funny. When Charlie remarks that there is not really a Candy Mountain, the two other unicorns eerily reply, “Shun the nonbeliever, shun.” Indeed, this kind of humor is only for those willing to disassociate from any notion of sense or logic. Another similar film is “Adventure Time,” a Nickelodeon cartoon short that plays on the stereotyped and exhausted cartoon-adventure genre, but makes it funny by purposefully offering no explanation for itself.

The Trail

March 9, 2007

12

Cont. from page 10

Photo courtesy: Jessi wyse

Studying in the grass can yield messy results after light rainfall.

decorated with it. I finally found the explanation on the UPS website: “Every Friday at Puget Sound is Maroon Friday as folks on campus show Logger pride and spirit by wearing the traditional Maroon and White.”

This made sense. My next question was: Who and where are the people who actually do this? The fact of the matter is, you will always see a decent amount of kids around campus in maroon and white simply because most students own at least one Puget Sound hoodie and they generally wear little else. But as far as students who actually dress in maroon intentionally, I have yet to encounter any outside of sporting events.

The issue is not that students lack Logger pride, rather, many of us just feel that it goes without saying.

After all, agreeing to live at school is a pretty large pledge of spirit.

To examine the impact of Maroon Friday, I made a mental note of the number of people in my 9 a.m. class

While most videos are short, some are episodes within a larger work themselves. Like many other short films, these episodic works combine everyday, commonplace drudgeries with the youth culture that we all know. “Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager” is a film series about Darth Vader’s cousin Chad, who is the day shift manager at a super market. Need I go any further? The hilarity is already apparent.

Also, be sure to view “College Saga,” a series that incorporates the old Zelda video games and routine college life. They are fantastically well made, and feature quests and fights between stereotyped professors and students in the familiar Zelda setting.

The list of films I could include could go on forever. The essence of Youtube is similar to a treasure hunt: there are gems amidst the wreckage.

I have found a few for you, but for the rest you will have to browse. Included in this article is a listing of Youtube videos I think are especially good — whether just plain weird, or actually very interesting. Some films are very well known, others obscure.

Youtube is not simply a video-sharing internet site. It

on Monday and Wednesday decked out in their UPS duds.

Monday had one, Wednesday had three. On Friday, I faithfully forwent my Snoopy sweatshirt for my solid maroon UPS one and spirited my way on over to Wyatt.

One other girl in my class was sporting a Puget Sound sweatshirt. The rest were wearing whatever they had managed to grab out of their school-issue set of drawers in the dark without waking up their roommate.

In other words, pretty typical attire for a 9 a.m. class at the end of the week, and little maroon in sight. The point?

UPS is an awesome university with plenty of stimulating classes, great teachers, fun classmates and fantastic opportunities to get involved.

Any reason you would realistically come to a college, we have going for us at UPS. Just be sure to wear your maroon whenever you want, and for God’s sake, avoid the grass.

300

than plot development, we get a film that is almost entirely in slow motion. None of the fight scenes carry any weight because we can’t empathize with characters that scream every single line of dialogue.

NM: You’re assuming that the point of the movie is the characters, when it seems perfectly clear to me that the visuals are far more important. Make no mistake, most of them are completely preposterous, but they do manage to fill you with a sense of wonder and awe.

KN: Wonder and awe? The only thing “300” makes me want to do is take steroids, eat steak, punch women and shout war cries.

Here is a movie that expects us to believe that aggressive masculinity is the only thing that matters.

NM: I don’t think that’s a fair criticism. First, Sparta really was a male-dominated society, and I think that it would be stupid to change history for the sake of political correctness.

Second, the Spartan Queen is a far cry from a weak and submissive wife; she serves as perhaps the most evenminded and admirable of all the film’s characters.

KN: “300” hardly serves as an accurate depiction of Spartan culture. It’s a hyper-stylized world with scary ass monsters. On top of that, the Persians are, in contrast to the Spartans’ balls-to-thewall masculinity, depicted as either effeminate or androgynous. This movie appears to stand against anything that isn’t the most stereotypical ideal of machismo.

Additionally, Lena Headey’s role as the stupidly

Cont. from page 11 named Queen Gorgo serves nothing more than an excuse to show a slow motion sex scene. That was actually my favorite part of the movie though.

NM: Is it Frank Miller’s fault that the Persians were a bunch of pansies? Besides, anybody would look effeminate in comparison to the Spartans; they were some of the most hardcore dudes in history.

And let’s not pretend like only women are objectified in “300.” There are maybe three or four sets of bare breasts in this movie, for a total of perhaps five minutes. The rest of the time, you’ve got some of the most ridiculously jacked men ever running around in speedos.

KN: I guess if you’re into that sort of thing.

NM: Standing up for feminism one second and making gay jokes the next. Classy as always, Kevin.

KN: Whatever. At least I am wearing pants.

NM: Touché. Where did those go anyway?

KN: The point is, the target audience of “300” is obviously men and only a specific constituency of men. If you find yourself driving a Hummer, drinking Budweiser, talking about how sweet lesbianism is, or overcompensating for your small penis in any other way, this film is probably for you.

NM: Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. “300” is for anyone, man or woman, who wants to see a movie that is guaranteed to entertain. If you’re not some stuck-up intellectual snob, check out this flick.

• Kevin Nguyen and Nick Martens are fond of Y-O-U.

• Jessi Wyse is facing a dodo’s conundrum.

Cont. from page 11

has become a quick cultural newsfeed into the rest of the world. Whether through ridiculous videos, or some intelligible ones, we are able to see what the rest of the world is laughing at, and then join in.

• Jordan Barber is a deerhoof.

List of Notable Clips

For the videos mentioned in the article, search Youtube for the following phrases: Funny?

• Adventure Time • Charlie the Unicorn • Condi Rice Raps • Gap Girls • Japanese Potty Training Video • Muffins • Shoes • Mace Windu: How it should have been Crazy People • Crazy Jesus Woman • Crazy Screaming Lady Episodic • College Saga - Episode 1 • God, Inc – Episode 1 • Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager Well Done • Kiwi!

• Noah takes a photo of himself every day for six years • Real Life Simpsons Intro • Rejected

aaron lynch Friday March 9th- Wednesday March 14th The Queen Nightly @ 7:00 pm Saturday and Sunday Matinee @ 4:15 pm Rated PG-13

Thursday March 15th Tacoma Sister City International Film & Food Festival Movie: Suite Havanna Cuba Doors open 5:45 pm

Rocky Horror Picture Show Saturday @ 11:30 pm

Combat Zone March 9, 2007

The Trail

13

Putting style back in spring break

• Combat Zone travel agents assist with classic vacation ideas

By Carmen SanDiego Combat Zone Chenandler

Horoscopes

It is almost time for spring break and that means the cruelty and pain of midterms are over. Many students are ready to blow off a little steam and indulge in some well-earned relaxation. In short, many people are about to embark on week-long drinking binges. Some people don’t care where they are, just so long as their time is spent profoundly intoxicated. Other folks demand a little more atmosphere; they want exciting backdrops for their benders – or at the very least Canada, which is not exotic but does allow a more substantial slice of the population to push their livers to the limit.

Most students have already made plans, purchased plane tickets and procured several ounces of weed, condoms, some KY and a carrot (if you need to ask what this is for, you are too young to understand). However, there are probably some sad sacks out there who have yet to commit to anything. Perhaps it’s because they lack the willpower to willingly eradicate a good third of their brain cells, or maybe they are just nerds who don’t like to party.

Don’t worry, it’s not too late!

The Combat Zone has a list of destinations and trips preapproved by the University (University of Phoenix Online).

The first option we present for your consideration is the

ski trip. This option is essentially the same as any other spring break trip, except you will be drinking in a parka and occasionally falling down snowy hills at high speeds. If you go to Whistler, you will also be very stoned.

Next up is Lake Havasu, which is pretty much your standard Roman orgy. There will be a lot of intoxication, some gladiatorial combat, gorging, vomiting, weird wanton and public sex and of course a large number of hairy Italians who everyone just wishes would put pants on. Oh, and Jet Skis, but I don’t think the Romans had those.

If you prefer a more tropical excursion, we suggest Cancun. With all the joys of visiting the third world, including child prostitution, a shaky legal system and widely available drugs, Cancun is a charming vacation alternative that’s a bit closer than the actual third world.

On the plus side, there aren’t many roadside bombs and the violent anti-American sentiment has been toned down in recent years in an attempt to get a hold of your money.

For those of you who fancy a sophisticated culinary experience, Vancouver is just what you’re looking for. The city prides itself on its authentic cultural cuisine, featuring their world-famous Chinese sushi. Not only does Vancouver have beautiful ocean views, but it also boasts a good Red Light District and a lower legal drinking age. Of

Aries

3/21 - 4/19

Savvy?

Taurus

4/20 - 5/20

We can’t stop here. This is bat country.

Gemini 5/21 - 6/21

I think we’re beyond euphemisms at this point: God’s a Skee-Ball fanatic.

course, no one actually visits Canada for any of that; it’s for the history, money with the queen on it, fries with gravy ... okay, it is for the booze. Be sure to bring your passport unless you want your rectum searched. Remember the carrot?

The more worldly travelers should contemplate a trip to Amsterdam. The mecca of misbehavior and canals, this city is not to be missed.

Everyone loves the Dutch.

After legalizing weed and prostitution, how could we not? Besides it’s a law that all Dutch people must wear braids, wooden shoes and carry chocolate. This makes the munchies infinitely easier to deal with.

Scholars and theater fans will enjoy the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. The festival takes place in the town of Ashland, which exists entirely to support a community of aging nerds who like Ye Olde English. If you are terminally uncool, you may actually consider this a destination. I must warn you, however, that Combat Zone marksmen will be standing by to pick you off as you enter town. Die theater geeks, die.

Staying in town is also an option. Tacoma isn’t a destination, so much as a statement. It roughly translates as, “I hate myself, and I want to die.” You either don’t have any friends, or enjoyed yourself so much last spring break the doctors won’t let you out of that iron lung.

Of course, there’s always

Cancer 6/22 - 7/22

the old standby: expanding your consciousness (read: burning holes in your brain with LSD). You really don’t need to go anywhere to do this, but trust me, it’s a journey. A scary journey – the kind where you wake up naked in a bathtub full of ice, missing some organs that you had grown fond of over the years. But it was worth it … oh yeah … it’s full of stars.

•Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego?

Asups photo services/ Nick kiest & paul wicks

Libra

9/23 - 10/22

I am Jack’s wasted life.

7/23 - 8/22

10/23 - 11/21

Scorpio

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler ...

You’re my boy, Blue! You’re my boy.

8/23 - 9/22

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

Virgo

What’s with today, today?

Think you’ve got what it takes to write for the Combat Zone?

If so, submit an article as a word attachment to trail@ups.edu.

Each week the senior staff will choose the best, funniest, wittiest, combat zone lovin’ story to be featured in that week’s issue.

Who knows ... you just might see your name in print some day.

Not doing anything for spring break can have disastrous results.

Hey, careful, man, there’s a beverage here!

Leo

ATTN: READER

Sagittarius 11/22 - 12/21

Capricorn 12/22 - 1/19

Take the red pill.

Aquarius 1/20 - 2/18

Have you ever given a foot massage?

Pisces

2/19 - 3/20

I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey.

Disclaimer: The Combat Zone is a work of satire and does not reflect the views or opinions of The Trail, its staff or the administration. In fact, the Combat Zone doesn’t really represent the opinions of anyone. Please send complaints to trail@ups.edu.

Sports The Trail

March 9, 2007

14

UPS softball sweeps doubleheaders Logger baseball chops down • Loggers win convincingly over NWC opponents

By Nadine Leonard nlleonard@ups.edu Sports Writer Logger softball swept their doubleheader on Saturday, winning 2-0 and 11-3 against Lewis and Clark. On Sunday, the Logger women dominated George Fox in that double header, winning 4-0 in both games.

The first game against the Pioneers centered predominantly around the pitchers.

The Loggers have two strong returning pitchers, seniors Jessica Roberts and Adrian Herlache. In the Lewis and Clark game, Herlache struck out six batters. The only runs in the game came with UPS senior Lindsay Fujita’s home run.

In the second game, the Loggers worked hard at their offense, scoring six runs after three innings. They allowed the Pioneers three runs in the fourth inning but pulled their defense back together in the last half of the game.

The Loggers grabbed their win in the fifth inning after an RBI single by Fujita, which brought home Meg-

asups photoservices/emily hearst

The Logger bats got going in the opening weekend as the team scored 23 runs when all was said and done against Linfield.

han Watson and Kelli Ishi to score.

Fujita was pleased with the team’s performance but would like to see better offense.

“If we can match our offense with our defense we will be pretty competitive in the conference and surprise a lot of people,” Fujita said.

The double header against the Bruins again showed the Loggers’ pitching strength.

Herlache almost had a no-hitter in the first game, allowing just one hit in the seventh inning. Lindsay Janes also had a complete game shutout.

The Logger lead started early and the game moved quickly in the first game.

Fujita and sophomore Victoasups photoservices/emily hearst ria Raeburn scored two runs off of a bunt and a double, Adrian Herlache allowed six hits respectively. and zero runs on the weekend.

The second game put the Loggers’ first score on the

board in the third inning with a single by Hilary Rice.

Janes allowed four hits for her seven innings pitched and struck out three Bruins batters. George Fox did not score once.

Fujita, despite the four wins, still wants to intensify the team’s effort.

“Our defense is always solid and our pitchers are doing well,” she said. “[But] we definitely need to step it up for our next games at Linfield.”

The Loggers hosted Corban for a double header on Mar. 7. Results for those games were not available at press time.

UPS will head to Oregon for four games with Linfield on Mar. 10 and 11 to continue their conference play.

• Nadine Leonard celebrated the softball victories by beating the opposing fans with brooms.

2006 Spring Northwest Conference Standings MEN’S TENNIS Whitman Linfield PLU L&C Willamette Puget Sound George Fox Whitworth Pacific BASEBALL L&C George Fox Puget Sound Pacific Whitworth PLU Linfield Whitman

W

L

GB

Ovr.

12 6 4 2 3 3 2 2 0 W 5 3 3 2 1 0 0 0

0 3 2 3 5 6 4 4 7 L 0 0 0 1 2 3 3 3

6.5 8.5 10.5 9.5 9.5 10.5 10.5 12.5 GB 2 3.5 4.5 5 5.5 5.5

13-2 7-7 4-4 2-3 3-6 3-7 2-4 2-6 0-7 Ovr. 6-4 9-0 4-5 4-2 3-9 9-3 3-6 0-9

WOMEN’S TENNIS Linfield Puget Sound Whitman PLU L&C Whitworth Willamette George Fox Pacific SOFTBALL Whitworth PLU Puget Sound Linfield Willamette George Fox L&C Pacific

W

L

GB

Ovr.

2 2 2 1 1 1 0 0 0 W 4 4 4 3 1 0 0 0

0 0 0 1 1 1 2 2 2 L 0 0 0 1 3 4 4 4

1 1 1 2 2 2 GB 1 3 4 4 4

4-1 6-1 6-3 4-2 3-4 2-4 2-6 1-5 0-7 Ovr. 7-0 6-0 6-1 3-1 2-3 2-10 1-10 0-4

not-so-tough NWC opponent

By Mike Jones mjones@ups.edu Sports Writer

It was a captivating and successful weekend for the UPS baseball squad as they completely swept the Lindfield Wildcats, three games to none. For Saturday’s doubleheader, the Loggers threw two of their top pitchers, Evan Scandling and Ryan Gustafson, in a one-two combo that knocked Linfield off their feet and secured two wins, 2-1 and 8-3.

The first game was slow to get off the ground as both pitchers showed dominance and ownership of the plate.

It was not until the bottom of the third inning when the Loggers took the lead off a single up the right side, hit by Michael Olsen, which would score the speedy Timothy Staggall.

“Its like pimpin” said Steggall, “You either got [speed], or you don’t and you know I got a lot of both.”

The game would go on to be run-less until the seventh, when Linfield’s Kearns singled into the left side to advance and score Stanly.

However, this attempt at a comeback did not faze the focus of the Logger squad.

The following inning, Olsen, walked to get on base and was advanced to second when Joseph Newland was hit by a pitch. Douglas Cox pinch ran for Olsen, whose blood pressure is higher than his batting average. Cox would score off a bonehead throwing error by the Linfield third

Women’s B-Ball

baseman to seal the deal.

The key player in this win was pitcher Evan Scandling.

He pitched the full nine innings with two hits and one run allowed. Newland took a beating with two hit by pitches.

The second game of the double header was the opposite of the defensive battle in the first game. The Loggers proved to Linfield that they not only had the bullpen to shut them out for eight innings, but that they also had the offensive dynamism to tear the cats a new one.

The Loggers started off strong with an RBI from Newland to score the one and only, Timothy Steggall.

In the second inning, Linfield responded with three runs. Details about these events are not necessary because the Loggers easily tied the game in the following inning, and would pour salt in their wounds by posting up five more runs.

Ryan Gustafson threw an amazing eight scoreless innings and stuck out five.

“The second inning should have been 1-2-3,” Gustafson said, “I got out ahead with two strikeouts, which is always a nice start. I just couldn’t quite get that third.”

Despite the three runs allowed in the third, Gustafson pitched an amazing game to help give the Loggers the two game sweep. Some key performers were Joe Newland (1-5, 2 RBIs), Gregorio Beck (2-5, 1 RBI), and Olsen (1-3, 2 runs, 1 RBI).

See Baseball page 15 continued from page

16

and forth with George Fox all night.

But what ultimately carried the Loggers through was their defense and rebounding, especially on offense. UPS outscored their opponents 2416 in the paint and led in second chance points 16-3.

“This weekend was all about will and determination, asups photoservices/emily hearst and that’s what Claire Ely faces down a defender. UPS faces off rebounding is about. Who- against Howard-Payne in Indiana on Mar. 9. ever wants that board more good job about remaining and has the heart to go after it is going to confident and focused on the road and on the opponent’s get it,” Hirsh said.

Next weekend, the Log- court,” Hirsh said.

No doubt that focus will gers are headed to Iowa to face Howard Payne in the push UPS through to the third round of tournament Elite Eight. Best of luck, and Go Loggers! play.

“It can be tough to travel • Jess Columbo will be shaving across the country for games, her head and lighting it on fire but at the same time this sea- for the Sweet Sixteen. Howard son we have done a very Payne ain’t got anything.

Sports March 9, 2007

The Trail

15

Ultimate frisbee teams Postmen and Clearcut, head to coming tournaments

By Adam Restad arestad@ups.edu Guest Writer

UPS Clearcut. Larsen played ultimate for Oxford University, and Lindsey is a local school teacher. Captains this

The UPS Postmen were founded in 2004 by a small group of enthusiastic freshman and one sophomore, under the coaching abilities of then Assistant Professor Cathal Woods. While the ultimate frisbee team started as a coed group, the women split off in 2005 to form the women’s team UPS Clearcut.

The coaching duties for the Postmen during the 20052006 were handed to Zach Entwhistle.

This year, local ultimate enthusiasts Adam Larsen and Sean Lindsey are co-coaching the Postmen and Josh Hiltunen is coaching the

Where Ultimate Frisbee is Today

Ultimate is now played by an estimated 100,000 players in over 40 countries, with the Ultimate Players Association in the U.S. having over 13,000 members. The 2002 WUCC in Hawaii was the largest ultimate meet to date, with over 2300 players and 120 teams from 24 countries participating. (www.wtdf.com)

Baseball

year are Adam Nishimura and Dylan Gitlin. Long-standing members also include Alex Paauwe, Justine Smith, Elliot Trotter and Yao Zhao.

In their early years the Postmen had a rough history, but with steadily improving roster and abilities, they’ve recently defeated local rivals PLU Reign (currently ranked 102 in the nation) in a scrimmage and intend to do some serious damage this year. The Postmen and Clearcut will be playing in the upcoming tournaments PLU BBQ (March 10-11) and Dirty Deeds (March 1718).

• Adam Restad performed well in his writing debut, next step, conquer the world.

continued from page

With two wins in the bag and only two pitchers used the Loggers took the field with the intent to bruise Sean Kiriu from Honolulu stepped to the rubber and brilliantly threw. The Wildcats were doomed and this they sadly knew broken and confused Linfield failed to rally the troops.

Although the Wildcats put up one run in the first inning of the third game, their efforts were not enough to prevent UPS from scoring.

The Loggers scored in the fourth inning when Olsen grounded out to first base, allowing Steggall to reach home and tie the game.

In the seventh inning, the Loggers got going again with a Newland single up the middle. Tanner Moylett, one of the rising stars in the ball club, pinch ran for Newland. Beck, Chico, CA’s finest, laid down a gracious bunt that would advance Moylett into scoring position. Pete Marcek stepped up to the plate and drilled the ball to the third baseman and scored Moylett.

14

asups photoservices/Daniel Adler

Sean Bayha stretches for the throw as he covers first base. The Loggers secured two victories over the Wildcats on the weekend.

Kiriu would pitch a shut Next week watch as they out game after the first to help take on Pacific university, in give the Loggers the win. a double header.

The Loggers skillfully • Mike Jones doesn’t actually played every game this week- know the names of the players, end and made very few misso he just makes up his own. takes.

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Women’s lacrosse drops tight game, then wins big

By Mackenzie Morton mmorton@ups.edu Sports Writer

On March 3 and 4 the UPS women’s lacrosse team played Linfield and Pacific in two non-conference matches.

They dropped their opening game after a hard-fought battle against the Linfield Wildcats, coming up short a mere 15-14. The following day, however, they crushed the Pacific Boxers 22-1.

The game against Linfield started quickly, with an exchange of goals within the first two minutes. Freshman Karen Hansen scored on her first attempt against the Wildcats, to be followed a minute later by sophomore Jessica Knight, who scored another goal for the Loggers.

After a quick first half, Linfield led 10-8, and the second half opened again with rapid goals from each team. Linfield built up the lead 14-10 with just under 20 minutes remaining. The Loggers battled back, eventually tying the game up with 8:30 minutes left, but the comeback was not to be as Linfield fired 30 seconds later, giving the Wildcats the lead for good.

“We were disappointed in the loss because we were so close. We kept tying and then they would come back and score, but overall our team played really well,” Sarah Meister said.

UPS’s offense was strong with three Loggers scoring multiple goals. Linfield’s

Madness

old ladies in sweaters, NBA scouts and overtired college students freshly out of midterms happy to be sitting in the free seats provided by their university? Where else can you watch eight games a day that all end in last second shots and crying players, fans, parents and coaches?

Imagine if the real world worked as March Madness does. What if elections for President were run with a play-in game between the 64 and 65 ranked Senators?

What if countries in the U.N. faced off in a tournament (possibly in beer-pong or even whiffle-ball) to determine who would serve on the security council?

We would all find ourselves cheering on Ghana or Costa Rica as we do for teams like George Mason and Gonzaga.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is that college basketball and its yearly tournament is everything that’s right with America.

Capitalism functions perfectly around our beloved athletes with sponsors chiming in at every possible interval. The same commercials run on repeat for a full month, leaving us entirely exhausted with that damn Mellencamp song about America, yet entirely satisfied with hearing the music of kids our age

goalie was just too much for the Loggers’ offense, however, as she recorded 12 saves in front of the Linfield net.

The Loggers’ goalie, freshman Erienne Pederson, had an almost equally impressive performance, recording 10 saves of her own.

In the second game the Loggers easily handled the Pacific Boxers, making sure the Boxers’ first ever varsity game was one to forget.

The Loggers’ stifling defense allowed only five shots from the Boxers during the entire contest. UPS also racked up 42 shots. Clearly, the Loggers offense was outstanding in this lopsided victory. Another telling statistic in the game was turnovers, as the Boxers had 19 compared to UPS’s five.

Hansen and senior Ellen Fisher found the back of the net four times. Sophomore Lindsey O’Brian had a phenomenal performance as well, netting three goals with four assists.

Undoubtedly this weekend was bittersweet, and while the Loggers were disappointed in their loss against Linfield, they expect to beat Linfield the next time around.

“We expect to do really well this season. We have a really strong offense and offensive plays along with a strong defense. We are constantly shooting and throwing out passes. This season should be awesome,” Meister said.

• Mackenzie Morton does not like to be asked, “where my dogs at?”

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scream with joy and ecstasy after achieving the seemingly impossible.

But the most American thing of all is the dream of being able to triumph when an entire voting and seeding populace doubts you.

My appreciation for this time of year has grown with each passing year. And now I can watch these amazing athletes on television and boggle my mind thinking about how “these guys are our age!”

This article is not meant to motivate you to watch the tournament, but rather to stop and think while you are enjoying your favorite Cinderella team’s run to the Final Four. Stop and remember all the homework you could be doing. Think about all the responsibilities you are disregarding. Think about how long it’s been since you dialed home (unless your dad is as big a fan as mine is) to say hi to your parents.

And remember that it’s all good. The work will get done, the calls will be made, the trash will go out on time, but not until after the end of just this game.

• Sam Kussin-Shoptaw has come down with the madness, March madness. It is contagious, but in a healthy sort of way.

Sports The Trail

March 9, 2007

16

Track team impresses, sets records

Going mad for • Slew of old and new faces perform well in first home meet month of pure “I was happy with the re- exhilaration

By Brandon Henry bhenry@ups.edu Sports Writer

It was another successful weekend for the University of Puget Sound track team as they hosted their first home meet of the season. The Loggers faced off against Lewis and Clark and Seattle Pacific University in what was also their first outdoor meet of the year. A significant number of Puget Sound athletes performed well enough to qualify for the conference meet, with Loggers recording first place finishes in almost half the events and setting two meet records this weekend.

Brian Kramer set the meet record in the men’s triple jump with a mark of 13.23 meters, almost a full meter longer than the second-place finisher. This qualified him for conference and left him less than a meter shy of the NCAA provisional mark.

AJ Middleton fell just shy of qualifying for nationals in the shot put by besting his own previous meet record, set last year.

“Yeah, I did all right this weekend,” Middleton said from in front the Memorial Fieldhouse. “The record was already mine, so it was no big deal for me. Get used to this kind of thing, boy; I’m a PR machine. I’m so strong I could throw this building.”

Middleton expressed his

asups photoservices/matt loewen

Logger teammates provide each other with hurdling competition. faith in the other men’s throwers but tempered expectations.

“Man, it’s going to be competitive this year. It’s still early, and guys all over the conference are putting up good marks. Not as good as my boys, though. Bailey and Bacon both PR’d in the hammer. They’re both looking real smooth in their speed suits and throwing it far.”

Middleton is really excited about the new addition to the men’s throwing squad, freshman Brian Walker.

“This was just his first meet, so he was just getting his feet wet. Man, Brian’s so

strong he can’t control himself yet. He’s a gorilla. With some experience he’s going to start embarrassing people.

He’s just too damn strong,” Middleton said.

The distance runners are also looking to have a big year, winning both the 3k steeplechase and the 10k this Saturday. Freshman Francis Reynolds qualified for conference in his first collegiate outdoor meet in the 10k, and after running throughout high school he is looking to contribute. After posting a qualifying mark in his first ever 10k, Reynolds was humbly optimistic about the season.

Logger women win, head into Sweet 16 with win over NWC foe George Fox

By Jess Columbo jcolumbo@ups.edu Sports Writer

The Lady Loggers are headed to the Sweet Sixteen. After two big tournament wins against McMurry and George Fox, UPS is headed cross-country to face Howard Payne University in Decorah, Iowa on March 9.

Last Friday, the Loggers travelled down to Newberg, Ore. for their first round of play against the 12 ranked Indians of McMurry University. UPS came out strong, pulling ahead with a 22-6 lead, but the Indians an-

Scouting Howard Payne

The Yellow Jackets’ victory over Chapman, which saw an unheard of D3 crowd of 4,356, was hardly ever in doubt as they won 76-37. Howard Payne was the only team to receive a first round bye in the tournament as well and is 28-1. However, their only loss on the year came from McMurry, a team UPS beat in the first round.

swered. At the half, the Loggers had regained a 10 point lead by way of solid defense and considerable bench contribution.

Junior Morgan Harter exploded for 19 points off the pine, going 8-8 from the free throw line.

With more big players stepping up and 13 additional free throws in the second half, the Loggers were able to put McMurry away. asups photoservices/emily hearst “Free throws were huge this Morgan Harter and the Loggers are making weekend.

We some noise on the national level. stepped up and hit them when they counted the most,” jun- any given night,” Hirsh said.

On March 3, the Lady Logior Laura Hirsh said.

Sophomore Karen Chase gers came up against a team had a game-high 10 boards, they had battled and lost to and Hirsh put on a show of three times throughout the her own. She finished the season, once just a week prinight with 18 points, eight or, George Fox University.

“We both knew so much rebounds and three assists.

“Our bench production has about each other. We were been key the past few games, just excited to have another it always is, and that really shot at them,” Hirsh said. just shows the depth of our And UPS took full advantage team and the ability for dif- of their shot, going and back ferent people to step up on See Women’s B-Ball page 14

sult. I ran a time that I can hopefully improve on while concentrating on other events, like the 5k and the 1500. I was a little nervous going in, ten thousand meters is a lot of laps. But I had a good time.”

Freshman mid-distance runner Anna Danilla gave Reynolds a vote of confidence this weekend, saying, “He’s going to conference.

No big deal.”

She also set a personal record this weekend, in the mile. A new member of the women’s track team, Danilla has greatly improved on her mile time this year, thanks in part to input from the other runners.

“Carolyn and Emma and Bonner have all been awesome. As a newbie, it’s very encouraging to have them support me. They’ve all been really positive and a blast to run with,” Danilla said.

Hopefully, the Loggers can ride this weekend’s success into the Joe Peyton Invitational this Saturday at home.

It was a great weekend all around for both the men’s and women’s teams, and if they can sustain this pace 2007 looks to be a good year for Puget Sound Track and Field.

• Brandon Henry used to compete in the shot put, but decided to stop so he could quit embarrasing people.

By Sam Kussin-Shoptaw sshoptaw@ups.edu Sports Writer

Here it comes again: that rumbling in your heart, the feeling that something momentous is about to take place. Yes, spring is on its way, but more importantly, March Madness is around the corner.

Why must we religiously follow a tournament of 65 college basketball teams each and every year? It begins with brackets, dreams and bets and ends with the constant replaying of the CBS song you know and love (and love to hate) for almost a full month.

I know March Madness has been written about more than Anna Nicole Smith’s death and the O.J. debacle put together, but I honestly believe that there is something holy and innocent in the NCAA tournament and that you, reader, should watch as much of it as humanly possible (remember that all games are on CBS.com if you have to laptop it in class).

Where else can a team from any town in America rise up and defeat every Goliath in its path to claim the biggest trophy in college basketball? Where else can a sideline consist of crazy See Madness page 15

Logger Sports Week in Photos

asups photoservices/emily hearst

Lindsay Fujita and the Loggers kicked the year off with five straight wins. Find the full story inside on page 14.

asups photoservices/matt loewen

Several Loggers compete in the team’s opening meet against Lewis and Clark runners. Find the full story above.