November 3 2006

VOLUME 95, ISSUE 6

S ex u a l a s s a u l t policy m ay b e r ev i s ed.

NEWS PAGE 3

Less o n s o f co m ed y

The things we can learn from funny man Borat.

OPINIONS PAGE 5

Fu n er a l f o r j u stice

UPS students use the Mexican holiday The Day of the Dead for political activism.

FEATURES PAGE 9

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 3, 2006

WWW.THETRAILNEWSPAPER.COM

Student lost, found on Rainier

By Darin Leedy dleedy@ups.edu News Writer

man’s car at the a helicopter in a trailhead of the clearing around North Loop trail 1:15 pm. the next morning.

According to They conducted a Heitman, she had Senior Sarah Heitman search of the 33planned to go on was lost in Mt. Rainier Park mile trail, but did a four day, three over fall break while back- not find her. Bad night backpackpacking. weather on Thursing trip on the According to Director day, Oct. 19, and North Loop trail of Security Services Todd the morning of at Mt. Rainier Badham, his office was Oct. 20 prevented www.nps.gov Park. She said notified of Heitman’s ab- searchers from us- Heitman was lost the first two days sence on the evening of ing a helicopter to went well. On Oct. 18, when her room- find Heitman, but on Mt. Rainier Monday mornmates noticed that she had by the afternoon over fall break. ing she awoke to not returned as scheduled. the weather had find snow on the Security contacted the Park cleared enough to allow ground, but she had anticiService, which found Heit- it. Heitman was found by pated the weather and con-

hassle for deans

By Bailey Douglass bdouglass@ups.edu News Writer

A&E profiles local cafes in Tacoma.

A&E PAGE 11

A wi n n i n g p a i r Both men and women’s soccer placed first in North West Conference.

SPORTS PAGES 15 and 16

photo courtesy of shira goldstein

Better t h a n l a s t yea r THUMBS PAGE 10

WEEKEND WEATHER

TODAY

57 52

SATURDAY

54 50

SUNDAY

53 30

Compiled from various sources

index

News...................................................1-3 Comics & Classifieds..............................4 Op/Eds................................................5-7 Features..............................................8-9 Arts & Entertainment.......................10-12 Satire & Classifieds..............................13 Sports..............................................14-16

For more Trail, check out: thetrailnewspaper.com

See Hike page 3

Fight against AIDS comes close Annual to campus through efforts of one Rail makes

Coff ee a n d co m p a n y

10th week of school; no rapes, no homicides.

tinued her hike as planned.

As she went on, it snowed more than she expected.

After losing the trail she slipped into a gully, and the steep sides and jagged rocks prevented her from getting out. Though frightened, she managed to keep her head.

“I knew being scared wasn’t going to help,” Heitman said.

Unable to get out of the gully, she climbed down instead, resting frequently and moving to avoid injury.

“The possibility of getting

Four children from a small village in Ghana pose after receiving clothing from a non-profit group that sophomore Shira Goldstein worked with this spring. organizes volunteer and in- stressed that AIDS is preBy Jessica Bruce ternship programs around ventable, whereas diseases jessbruce@gmail.com the world. like malaria are more diffiNews Editor After working for eight cult to avoid in Africa.

After her freshman year at UPS ended in May of 2005, Shira Goldstein decided to take a year off from school and try to find her calling.

More than a year later, she is back at school as a sophomore, the owner of a patch of land in Ghana. She hopes that the land she purchased in the spring will be the home of a free AIDS clinic.

Goldstein took the year off from school because she was not sure what she wanted to do with her future.

“I wanted to have some experience to see what I liked on the ground, instead of just reading about it,” Goldstein said.

She also wanted to travel.

Goldstein applied to volunteer in Ghana through Cross-Cultural Solutions, an international agency that

months to earn the money to travel, Goldstein began teaching elementary school in the Keta Peninsula of Ghana. The classes were crowded, with about 65 students per class. Goldstein focused on using visuals to teach, such as having her students add and subtract with rocks.

“It was fun, but I’m not a teacher, and it’s not what I want to do with my life,” Goldstein said.

Armed with a translator and educational posters that she had made, Goldstein began teaching individuals who lacked formal education about how to protect themselves from AIDS. Many thought AIDS, like malaria, could be transmitted by mosquitoes. Some thought it could be transmitted by witchcraft. Goldstein

“You don’t have to get AIDS, so it’s so tragic that so many people have it,” Goldstein said.

In Keta, where Goldstein worked, AIDS testing is only available at a government hospital. Testing is supposed to be free, but doctors often charge a fee and pocket the money, Goldstein said. Poor laborers cannot afford the fees.

In a community where everyone knows each other, stereotyping of those with AIDS is a barrier to testing.

“People will be kicked out of the community if it is known that they have AIDS,” Goldstein said.

Goldstein learned that the community could benefit from an easily accessible, free clinic, staffed by volunteers from outside the comSee AIDS page 2

Last Friday, students participated in “The Rail,” a progressive drinking party where participants travel in costume from house to house drinking alcohol.

Some cite the dangers that it poses, including encouraging drinking and driving, binge drinking, serving possibly contaminated drinks and students getting lost in between houses.

“The Rail promotes unsafe drinking,” said a freshman who participated in The Rail and wished to remain anonymous.

“It’s basically trying to take as many shots as you can in like five minutes, so you don’t keep track of how many you‘re taking,” the student said. “I had some out of a huge Gatorade container, and that’s stupid because I don’t know what they put in it.”

The Rail also encourages unsafe driving.

“Some people were driving and that‘s not smart,”

See Rail page 3

asups photoservices/alison mesinger

Students celebrate in style.

NEWS

The Trail

November 3, 2006

2

Campus mourns loss of rights Greeks raise thousands

By Lan Nguyen lnguyen@ups.edu News Writer

sions Act and what it means for the community. The school’s Social Justice Residency Program also helped with the demonstration.

The Day of the Dead took The crowd gathered around on new meaning this year. a coffin, many dressed in Instead of the typical black, to mourn Habeas Mexican tradition filled with Corpus. food and colorful masks celJack Rice’s Theatre Comebrating the continuation of munity and Collaboration life, Progressive UPS, teamclass were the drivers of the ing up with other campus demonstration, according to clubs, performed a demonchemistry Professor Steve stration Nov. 1 to protest the Neshyba, who is part of Prorecent passing of the Miligressive UPS. Rice’s theatre tary Commissions Act of class helped brainstorm and 2006, which allows military execute the Habeas Corpus trials of terrorism suspects. funeral.

But theatre wasn’t the only thing bringing the members of the class out to the demonstration.

“It’s a personal thing,” Senior Phoebe Keleman said. “I’m worried about how much the Military Commissions Act will have an effect on us as a society.”

Also in attendance were President Ronald Thomas, students, professors and U.S. Senator candidate Bruce Guthrie.

The Military Commissions Act was signed by President George W. Bush on Oct. 17.

Asups photo services/Nicole Marshall • Lan Nguyen dressed up as Students masked as politicians carry the coffin of Habeas Corpus.

Elvis Presley for Halloween.

AIDS

munity who would protect patients’ confidentiality. In the last month and a half of her stay in Ghana, Goldstein purchased a tract of land with a $250 down payment and spent $100 on drafting official blueprints.

Goldstein’s father, geology professor Barry Goldstein, described the time that Goldstein announced to her family that she was planning to buy the land.

“We were bowled over that she had this tremendous goal, and we said go for it,” Professor Goldstein said.

“She had already been doing lots of planning,” he added. “She went from awareness to having a plan in a relatively short period.

I’m very proud of her.”

On Thursday, Goldstein and Sigma Chi held a benefit concert with the goal of raising the additional $800 that needs to be paid to the landlord before the clinic construction can begin.

Goldstein and Sigma Chi Philanthropy Chair Kris Knowles, a sophomore, had both approached headlining band The Senate about per-

The act also eliminates some of the rights defendants are usually guaranteed under U.S. law, and it authorizes continued interrogations of terror suspects.

The group used the Day of the Dead theme and performed a funeral for Habeas Corpus, which was suspended for non-citizens during the War on Terrorism.

Members of UPS Progressive dressed up as the Bush Administration, while Students for a Democratic Society handed out information on the Military Commis-

forming benefit concerts at UPS. They combined their goals to bring The Senate and Cheer Up Emo Kid to UPS to benefit the clinic.

“I think it’s really cool what Shira’s doing on her own,” Knowles said. “She’s putting a lot of her own money and time into the project, and it is cool to see people doing that kind of thing.”

For now, Goldstein is working mostly alone, spending about 20 hours a week contacting non-profit organizations and planning projects like the benefit con-

cont. from page

1

cert. In order to do grant writing, Goldstein needs non-profit status, and she is looking for a non-profit organization to act as her parent company or to find out how to start one of her own.

She is also considering a career in public health.

“This has become her mission,” her father said.

“It has put her on the track of wanting to help people in a significant way. It’s going to be a major part of her life.”

• Jessica Bruce volunteered at a rabbit shelter.

Security Report Security staff responded to, or received reports of the following incidents oncampus between Oct. 25, 2006 and Oct. 31, 2006: • A faculty member reported the theft of approximately 8 DVD movies from her office. She reported locking the office door when she left it and finding it open and unlocked upon her return the next day.

• Roommates in Regester Hall reported both their laptop computers and an iPod were stolen from their room They said the room was left unlocked and unattended for about 10 minutes in the afternoon.

• Courtesy of Todd Badham.

By Katie Azarow kazarow@ups.edu Co-Managing Editor

Last week, Sigma Chi executed its yearly philanthropy event, Derby Days, raising $12,112 in support of the Make a Wish Foundation. The foundation raises money to make the wishes of terminally ill children come to life.

“Excluding this year, since 2000, we have raised $25,000 for Make a Wish Foundation,” senior Joel Higa, Derby Days coordinator, said.

Senior president of the Panhellenic Council Pooja Bhattacharyya said, “It’s always been an amazing event, but this year, they did a great job of making it more visible and getting people motivated.”

With Derby Days being one of the most prominent Greek philanthropy events, many students on campus were involved with the event, especially sororities who compete in various events during the week.

The women competed in a poster-making competition and a silent auction on the first night of the week. Then on Tuesday, they played a game called Derby Daddy Hunter. This was followed with Sign-a-Sig, in which

the women run around and sign their name and sorority letters on the shirts of all Sigma Chi men. On Thursday, Sigma Chi hosted the infamous date auction in the Rotunda. Many members of Sigma Chi got together to create different date ideas.

“The date that raised the most money was a limo ride to Seattle and dinner at the Melting Pot. It went for $1600,” Higa said.

On the final day, each sorority presented Sigma Chi with a “wish pack,” which is a backpack filled with kids’ toys. It will later be presented to one of the children sponsored by Make a Wish Foundation. Sigma Chi also sold Derby Days t-shirts, ran a penny drive and hosted a week-long scavenger hunt.

When asked about the contribution of the campus community, Higa said, “We’re floored by how selfless people are and how much they give to this event.”

Sigma Chi members said they were grateful to all the sororities, the faculty and staff that were instrumental in the week and, most especially, the campus Riddler.

“It’s not about us, it’s about the kids and the people we can serve,” Higa said.

• Katie Azarow has a wish, too!

1095 Wheelock Student Center Tacoma, WA 98416-1095 253-879-3197 (main & ads) 253-879-3661 (fax) trail@ups.edu (main) trailads@ups.edu (ads)

Editorial Board Brandon Lueken Editor in Chief Katie Azarow Co-Managing Editor Chelsea Taylor Co-Managing Editor Helen Macdonald Business & Advertising Manager Nick Kiest Photo Services General Manager Paul Wicks Photo Editor Jessica Bruce News Editor Lauren Foster News Assistant Editor Yujung Choi News Assistant Editor Maddy Ryen News Copy Editor Will Holden Sports Editor Joe Engler Sports Assistant Editor Liz McGourty Sports Copy Editor Russell Howe Opinions Co-Editor Chris Van Vechten Opinions Co-Editor Megan Dill-McFarland Opinions Copy Editor Kevin Nguyen A&E Co-Editor Mark Delbrueck A&E Co-Editor Kara Becker A&E Copy Editor Cara Munson Features Layout Editor Keith Gordon Features Content Editor Nicole Liuzzi Classifieds & Combat Zone Editor Betsy Walker Hey You’s & Features Copy Editor Elliot Trotter Cartoonist Aaron Lynch Cartoonist David Droge Faculty Advisor

NEWS

The Trail

November 3, 2006

Rail

cont. from page

1

Sexual assault policy may under go changes this year

By Johanna Wallner jwallner@ups.edu News Writer

Asups photo services/jen schmidt

Bottles fill a campus recycling bin following a busy weekend. said another anonymous freshman. “The people that were driving could get to the houses first, so they got the alcohol.”

Participants have to purchase wristbands to be allowed into the houses, but The Rail’s hosts do not attempt to discern participants’ ages. Many participants did not get to the houses until the alcohol was consumed.

“I should have known it was just a ploy to rip off the freshmen,” said the first student. “Lots of people hardly got to drink any alcohol at all on The Rail. I bet they made a lot of money.”

The university noted the problems The Rail creates which last for months, according to Associate Dean of Student Development Mike Segawa.

“During The Rail, we have two or three times the amount of issues we have on a normal weekend, and with a lot more severity,” Segawa said.

“We have problems like students coming back to campus intoxicated to the

point of having no idea where they are, passed out students in the neighborhood and on campus, neighbor complaints, students in the hospital with alcohol poisoning,” Segawa said.

“We’re dealing with follow-up on these issues for months after it happens.”

Segawa said the administration makes an effort to increase security to minimize The Rail’s harmful effects.

“We hire Tacoma police to go on neighborhood patrol, like we would on any other weekend,” Segawa said. “We notify them that it is The Rail weekend. We also have a lot of the administrative and security staff on call.”

Many residence halls sponsor alternative programs.

“There was a movie night in Regester that I could have gone to,” said the second anonymous student. “I kind of wish I had. The entire thing kind of just made me feel sick.”

3

UPS has a sexual assault policy that is a subset of its policy on sexual harassment.

Here, an alleged assailant of rape has the ability to choose their venue — honor court, integrity code board or administrative hearing of punishment.

Two years ago, the Vagina Anti-Violence Alliance (VAVA) brought attention to these faults. As a result, last year the Sexual Assault Policy Task Force, a committee of faculty, staff and students, was set up to review the present policy.

After researching the policies of other universities, the task force made a unanimous vote that UPS should change its policy.

“We found that comparable institutions do not have their sexual assault policy as a subset of sexual harassment,” Mike Segawa, Associate Dean for Student Development, said.

Furthermore, the task

force agreed that it is unfair for an alleged rapist to be given a choice in their method of punishment.

“The outcome really lies in the hands of the perpetrator, not the victim,” said alumni Erin Cronshaw, former member of the Sexual Assault Policy Task Force.

Segawa is in the midst of using the conclusions of last year’s task force to write a possible new policy.

There is no formal commitment by the university to change the present policy.

Segawa’s draft will be presented to the deans, who have the decision to review it and forward it on to the president’s cabinet.

The cabinet has the option of reviewing it and deciding if it should be forwarded on to the Board of Trustees, which has the final decision to change the policy.

“It’s a long way to go before a possible new policy is enacted,” Segawa said. “It’s a hope to me that we’ll have a resolution by the end of this year.”

Segawa plans to share the draft with other possi-

• Bailey Douglass was Editor in Chief for Halloween.

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ble stakeholders like VAVA, ASUPS and faculty senate.

“This process is three years in the making, with VAVA being the starting point,” Segawa said. “The intent is to give more visibility and more access to resources involving sexual assault.”

Last year, the task force also suggested possibly holding some sort of open forum to receive input on the proposal.

“We want widespread input into what the needs are,” Lisa Ferrari, politics and government professor and member of the task force, said. “We want to make sure that we’ve put things in the language that makes the most sense to potential victims.”

Cronshaw said more visibility is needed. She sees a lack of reporting of sexual assault at UPS as a consequence of its faulty policy.

“When you look at our current policy, it’s not all that surprising,” Cronshaw said.

• Johanna Wallner carries a rape whistle.

Hike

cont. from page

1 seriously hurt was always in the back of my mind,” Heitman said.

She found her way out of the gully by way of a goat path, avoiding injury. She set up camp Monday near a river and began to follow it the next morning, but soon realized it was not Granite Creek as she thought. In pain and completely lost, Heitman set up camp where she knew she would be visible from the air. She rationed her food and waited.

Heitman said that she was not scared because people would be looking for her.

She finally saw a helicopter at around 11 a.m. on Friday.

She was rescued later that afternoon.

“I gave the first guy who came a giant hug,” said Heitman. “I knew I was going to be found, but there’s still a little piece of you that has to entertain other options.”

Heitman said she was touched by the response on campus to her return and the effort put into finding her.

“I couldn’t believe how many people were pulling for me,” she said.

Heitman is an experienced backpacker with eight years of hiking background.

She has backpacked alone through Europe, and has had first aid and emergency medical training.

“I’ve been lost before and I’ve been scared before,” she said. “Fear causes a lot of people to do really stupid things.”

• Darin Leedy carries Spam in her backpack, just in case!

Comics & Classifieds November 3, 2006

4

The Trail

“HEY YOU,” secretly, I’m not in love with you anymore. Sorry.

“HEY YOU,” with the red Jack Johnson bike, sweet ride!

“HEY YOU,” I have rage!

“HEY YOU,” freshmen outside A/L, we’ve told you once, we’ve told you twice, now SHUT UP! “HEY YOU,” all of you, I think you’re beautiful and hope you know that too.

“HEY YOU,” Sigma Nu, when did you become so fratty?

“HEY YOU,” buy a Tamanawas!

“HEY YOU,” UPS Women’s club soccer: we are awesome!

Way to be!

“HEY YOU,” in my CSOC class, let’s get together and make some indigenous people.

“HEY YOU,” Theta, great job at Derby Days!

“HEY YOU,” Rootbeer, anyone?

“HEY YOU,” Rubik’s Cube guy, let’s hang out sometime and solve our puzzle.

“HEY YOU,” I need a cure for senioritis. My straight C’s aren’t cutting it.

“HEY YOU,” UPSTART, thanks for the yummy goodies!

Keep it up!

“HEY YOU,” TP3, shut up, people live below you!

“HEY YOU,” cute freshman, why do you always come over and talk to my crazy housemate?

“HEY YOU,” Stressballs, we’re as responsible as you are!

“HEY YOU,” B-GLADers, you fill my heart with rainbow love!

“HEY YOU,” sΣΧy Theta cyclist, thanks for being my movie date!

“HEY YOU,” it’s skeezy mustache week – do it!

“HEY YOU,” where’s the $450 you owe me?

THE TRAIL CLASSIFIEDS POLICY

The Trail reserves the right to remove any classified ad listing without warning, notice or refund. The Trail shall not be held liable for the content or accuracy of its Classified or Hey You ads. The opinions of the “Hey You” ads do not represent the opinions of The Trail or The Trail Staff. No personal names are allowed in the “Hey You” ads. The Trail reserves the right to modify or discontinue any and all parts of the ad, and without notice. The reader agrees not to use the The Trail’s Classified/”Hey You” ad section to create damaging, unlawful, harmful or threatening content; commit libel or false accusations; be false, inaccurate or misleading; or discriminate in any way shape or form.

Although The Trail strives to accurately portray each reader’s classified or “Hey You” ad, providing a service for the UPS community, The Trail always has the final say in the final copy of the Classified/”Hey You” ad section. Paid members of the Trail Editorial Staff do not create “Hey You” ads. To submit a Hey You, e-mail trailheyyou@ups.edu.

“HEY YOU,” KUPS, when we actually DO play your station, you have musical showtunes playing for two hours. When you stop disappointing us, we’ll start playing your music.

“HEY YOU,” have you seen “Better Than Chocolate,” lately, because it’s mine!

“HEY YOU,” I got drunk last weekend, and someone took advantage of me so who do I talk to now?

“HEY YOU,” Grizz, nice rack!

“HEY YOU,” take a shower.

“HEY YOU,” walk it out!

“HEY YOU,” friends, you are the best! 1, 2, 3 FRIENDS! “HEY YOU,” bring your dishes back to the SUB! “HEY YOU,” dinosaur hands, how’s the ear?

“HEY YOU,” duck tape is funny.

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OPINIONS November 3, 2006

The Trail

5

Borat equally good, bad, ugly Senior’s letdown

By Seth B. Doherty sdoherty@ups.edu Opinions Writer

Perhaps I do not get off campus enough, but from the comfort of my room I do have access to the internet, where perhaps, just perhaps, I can glean better information about the outside world than by actually getting up and leaving anyway. This reality hit home while reading about the controversy over Sacha Baron Cohen’s (of the Ali G show) new film being released in theaters today, “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.” In fact, the controversy demonstrates how even a film intended to criticize and mock American culture can actually play into and enhance international ignorance.

Cohen, a master satirist, takes aim at American society through the character of a backwards foreigner, whose anti-Semitic, sexist and homophobic beliefs fit into the United States a little too comfortably. Unfortunately, Cohen’s hero comes from a real nation, the former Soviet satellite Kazakhstan.

Of course, Cohen could

have taken an country in the world, with a imaginary na- rather oppressive, but techtion, but that nically democratic, governwould not have ment. had the same According to the film, effect. As Co- some Kazakhstan traditions hen was inter- that Borat engages in inacting with real clude drinking horse urine people under and punching goats. What the impression that he was, in fact, Borat from Kazakhstan. Thus, Cohen needed a real nation, but one that Americans had heard of, while still knowing nothing about it.

Hence, Cohen created an image of said nation, (using shots from Romania to depict Kazakhstan), that had very little basis on the true image of Kazakhstan and was more a cross beimage courtesy of www.palmbeachpost.com tween a funhouse mirror image of America’s worst is slightly more damaging and the American stereotype is the image of the people of Kazakhstan as bigoted of rural Eastern Europe.

There is reason to see misogynists (Borat is proud Kazakhstan as more than that his sister is the fourth this, as it is the ninth largest most successful prostitute

in Kazakhstan). Of course, these images are not meant to attack Kazakhstan, but bring out these sorts of beliefs where they exist in our own country.

Cohen’s intentions seem to be in line with a classic satirical attack on ignorance and bigotry. In the film, Borat receives positive responses from a rodeo crowd by announcing to them: “We support your war of terror,” and looks forward to the day that “Premier George W. Bush will drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq.”

He also discovers from a gun-store owner that the best gun for killings Jews is either a 9mm or a 45.

Yet, at the same time, Cohen fails to take into account how he is contributing to the image of Kazakhstan in the American consciousness. This disregard has continued even after Kazakhstan began an advertisement campaign in the U.S. that coincided with the country’s President, Nursultan Nazarbayev’s, visit to Washington D.C. in September.

In fact, while Nazarbayev was in Washington, Cohen, as Borat, gave a press conference outside of the Kazakhstan embassy.

See Borat page 7

Writer wants his foods mutated

By Russell Howe rhowe@ups.edu Opinions Editor As a dedicated journalist, and young/hip college student, I enjoy a reputation of always having my thumb square on the heartbeat of popular culture, which would be much more enjoyable if I didn’t have such sweaty fingers and a nervous tendency to squeeze and cut off circulation.

Despite the awkwardness of this position, I am instantly alert to current trends. I was one of the first to recognize the musical genius of Vanilla Ice; I foretold the meteoric rise of the Segway; I even knew the internet was going to be big way back in 2003; and currently I am noticing a growing fear, even hatred, of genetically modified (GM) foods.

“Organic” is the big buzzword nowadays. Mothers want their tomatoes grown naturally. Students want their chocolate milk free from hormone injected cows. Vegans want … well, nobody much understands what vegans want. But the fact is that anything “modified” is to be avoided. Just last week a colleague of

mine wrote about the supposed evils of GM foods (and beaver pelts, which just goes to show you how weak his grasp on reality really is).

Truthfully, all of this concern over food production is complete idiocy. There is nothing wrong with GM foods, or increased hormones in cows, or even farmed and imitation seafood (although there is something very wrong with the way seafood looks, but that’s a story for another day). Put simply, it’s all just food, folks.

In fact, it is more than food. It’s super food. Cows are getting larger and larger thanks to growth hormones, and crops are producing more thanks to genetic resistance to diseases and insecticides.

Ultimately, what this all means is that the U.S. is capable of producing more food than ever, which is a critical step towards both solving world hunger and making Americans fatter.

We should not be avoiding this new type of sustenance; we should be embracing it. Genetic modification of foods is merely the next step in our agricultural process.

Long ago, someone thought

about planting wild grains in their backyard, and thus was born farming. A little while later the plow was invented, crop-rotation came along and before you know it we were slurping the cream out of Twinkies. And now genetic manipulation is our newest tool for growing more food.

Don’t like the thought of hormones in your beef? I am completely serious when I say I love it. I want more hormones. In the future, I want cows to be dragging around gigantic über-udders that shoot out milk like firehoses with enough pressure to strip the paint off the barn. I want their obese udders held up by enormous cows standing 10 feet tall with neon pink fur. (The pink fur wouldn’t be a nutritional improvement, I just think it would look neat.)

I want fields of corn that grow twice as large as they do now. I want mean, angry corn, the kind of corn that will grow over any weeds and carnivorously devour any insects that land on it.

Of course, there are many who disagree with me. They want their food organically grown, old-fashioned style.

They distrust this new technology, and grasp at straws to avoid giving GM foods the credit they’re due.

One of the major complaints is that GM foods could possibly, if the moon and stars align in just the right configuration, and the correct episode of the Simpsons is playing that week, harm us. Something might go wrong with their DNA, causing us all to get cancer and die, turn into mutants like the Swamp Thing, or causing the food to just plain taste sh**ty.

Yeah, and so? Are we not already at risk from cellphone radiation and bad driving? Isn’t it much more likely that the verifiably bad food served at Taco Bell and KFC will do us more harm than any theoretical harm from GM foods?

Yes, I’ll admit that GM foods have the potential for some harmful side-effects, but until those start appearing in large quantities, do we really need to be fixated on them? Let’s just enjoy the food we have, while we have it, and leave all the technological guilt at home.

Because in the end, no one is going to be complaining when all those nice pink cows dot the landscape and cheap, fortifying milk can be had by all.

• Late at night when everyone else is sleeping, Russell Howe is out in the fields dying cows pink.

By Katie Azarow kazarow@ups.edu Co-Managing Editor

It is m o r e t h a n halfway through fall semester, and as a senior, I am still trying to figure out what is so great about my class standing. The past three years have been a blur of parties, papers and people telling me that “senior year is the best year of your life!”

Now that I am living it, however, I have been driven past the point of skepticism, and right on to disbelief. Senior year is terrible, and personally, I feel that even that is an understatement.

This is quite possibly the worst year of a college student’s existence. Now, I fully understand that some of you have a hard time believing what I am telling you, but hang in there with me, if you will, so that you can begin to see what I mean.

The easiest way to do this is to throw all the worst things about senior year right at you, like say, a ton of bricks, or the feeling you get when your advisor tells you you’re two classes short of graduating, so get ready. Hopefully by the end of all this, we can come up with some solution for seniors to come.

1. “What are your plans for next year?” I cannot tell you how sick seniors become of this phrase. I almost vomited on my mom when she asked me a few days ago. Really, it is probably the worst thing you could ever say to a senior. Any respectable person knows never to ask a stranger about politics or religion, but the stupid person at the grocery store really should add, “Do you have any jobs lined up for next year?” to that list. After I am asked this disturbing question, I turn around and make my 12 pack of Bud Light a 24 and know my night is ruined because I will spend the rest of it wondering if I might someday be that person working the checkout line at Safeway. If trying to get passing grades, manage an off-campus house (without having the toilet explode) and find time to get out once in awhile wasn’t enough, now I have to decide what the hell I want to be when I grow up!

See Senior page 6

OPINIONS Senior

The Trail

November 3, 2006

6 So, low and behold, what I am doing after college is still up in the air. No, I don’t know what the hell I am doing, and I haven’t filled out any applications, and I don’t know where I see myself 10 years from now!

I probably won’t know tomorrow either, but people asking me is only going to make matters worse. Would you prefer if I told you that I knew what I aspired to be?

“Yes ma’am, my goal in life is to flip burgers during the day and whore myself out at night.”

This probably would not go over so well with the rents, let alone the checkout person at Safeway. So, number one, on the list of reasons senior year is the worst: people asking you what you are doing next year.

2. There are no remaining eligible hook-ups on the face of the UPS campus.

Everyone that you want to hook up with has already been conquered. And if you haven’t conquered them yourself, your best friend has, and therefore, they are completely off limits, unless you wish WWIII to ensue.

3. Where people are available, they are freshmen, and it has been brought to my attention recently that freshmen are three, if not

cont. from page

5 four years younger than the year is cramping my style average senior. Not only is in more ways than one, and this weird, it is hella creepy. I think I speak for at least Therefore, the freshmen a few others who have had class is ineligible to be con- these same feelings of residered hook-up options; pression and anxiety conrefer to number 2, above. cerning their future and this 4. Let us for a moment god-awful year in general. talk about “parties.” These I have come to one congatherings that UPS stu- clusion, and it is this: the dents believe constitute a only reason that seniors say “party” are just a bunch of that senior year is the best the same 50 or so people year of their life is because, who always go out, hoping if they were not to say this, that new people will decide they would simply lose all to come out and party with hope. And as “young adults” them. And don’t forget the (as my grandpa might call foamy keg beer, and that one us), hope is pretty much the drunk idiot only thing we who “prehave. While funked” struggling “Yes ma’am, my goal to get a few for so in life is to flip burg- more grade long, that before the ers during the day and points into said party whore myself out at that average, begins, he/ night!” hoarding SUB she is lypoints and aling on the ready mourncouch with ing the loss no shirt and a huge penis on of our “student” status on the side of his/her face ask- Facebook, without hope, ing someone to point them we would have absolutely in the direction of the bath- nothing! room. Guys have way too So what can you, diligent much testosterone to handle reader, do to help? Quit askat these types of events, and ing me questions about my girls run around screaming, future, try going out with a “oh my god, I am so fric- new crowd some nights and kin’ drunk right now!” until buy me a shot of tequila to one of those guys catches get me out of this senior on and approaches her. year slump!

• Katie Azarow isn’t really a So, while this list is in no senior. Please don’t tell her. way comprehensive, I think Even in sign language. you get my drift. Senior

Dear Editor, To the person responsible for removing yellow ribbon magnets and stickers from my vehicle in the library parking lot: Since fall term began this year, I have had several yellow ribbons magnets, and most recently, a yellow ribbon sticker removed from my car while parked in the library parking lot.

Do you realize that there is a difference between supporting our troops and supporting the war? Apparently you are trying to make an anti-war statement by continually removing my “support the troops” yellow ribbons from my car.

However, all you are really doing is denying me the right to express my support for the military.

I would not do anything to try and deny you the right to protest the war, if that is how you feel.

Please treat me with the same respect.

Do you have any idea what a difficult job the troops have in Iraq? Do

Dear Editor,

Dean Jean’s Drop-In Hour Dean of Students Jean Kim will be available for drop-in visits from 1:30 – 2:30 pm each weekday in her office in Wheelock Student Center 208.

Feel free to stop by if you have an issue to discuss or just want to get acquainted.

Hope to see you there!

Langlow Haunted House

Letters to the Editor

I am simply baffled at Mr. Zafar’s column in last week’s issue of The Trail. He takes a shot at the UPS Democrats for not standing up to the Republicans in the student debate that took place on Oct. 9. Mr. Zafar mentions, in particular, the 2006 Military Commissions Act as being particularly troublesome (or at least appears to despite his constant reliance on sarcasm) and implies that the “defeatocrats” did not bring up this bill as an example of problems with the Bush administration. While Zafar does not mention the bill’s name, the UPS Democrats did in their closing arguments and explained exactly why the bill was a serious blow to our civil rights without having to fall back on sarcasm.

Mr. Zafar goes on to quote one of the College Republicans (although he does not bother citing this quote himself) as saying “Do we really want to spend money

“Bloody October” Iraq

putting the people who want to kill us through the judicial process?”

What Mr. Zafar fails to mention is the Democrats response to that, which was a resounding “yes!”

The Democrats clearly stated that we believed that anyone detained by the United States should be given the same fair treatment and trial that any U.S. citizen would receive.

Admittedly, though, the 2006 Military Commissions Act does make one wonder how fair the treatment and trial of U.S. citizens will be in the future.

Mr. Zafar apparently does not abject the ridiculous claims the College Republicans made, such as that we would wake up to see a mushroom cloud over a major U.S. city if Democrats are elected in November.

As the Democrats pointed out, this kind of fear mongering is irresponsible and unacceptable.

In fact, the Democrats responded to every point the College Republicans made and, I believe, did a good job at it.

10th week of school; no rapes, no homicides.

you know any of them personally? We do; our son has served two tours of duty over there. The conditions are unimaginable – working 7 days a week in the sweltering heat, wearing heavy gear for protection and facing constant danger. Many of these troops are no older than the students at this college. They are doing the job that has been assigned to them, just the same as many of you. However, they are doing their job in much more difficult and dangerous circumstances.

They certainly deserve our support and respect.

Instead of going behind my back and stealing items off my car, I would appreciate it if you would meet me face to face and please explain why it is that you think I do not have the right to show support for my son and thousands of other military personnel who are serving our country.

Sincerely, Maryanne Ellis Admissions Office Of course, Mr. Zafar would know all of this if he had bothered to stay for the entire debate.

The fact is that he left before the first topic was even finished and this explains why he did not see the strong responses of the Democrats. I hope The Trail will be more careful in choosing the columns it publishes in the future, as having all the facts is extremely important if an event is to be accurately represented.

While I will grant Mr. Zafar that the national parties and their candidates can seem very similar at times, there are important differences between the parties, and the debaters on both sides did an excellent job exposing these differences. Mr. Zafar’s claims to the opposite are simply not supported by the events of the debate and I think that anyone who actually stayed for the entire debate would realize this.

Sincerely, Walker Lindley

The Rail

OPINIONS The Trail

Borat

November 3, 2006

“I would like to make a comment, on the recent, advertisements on television and in media about my nation of Kazakhstan, saying that women are treated equally, and that all religions are tolerated.

These are disgusting fabrications,” Borat said. (In reality, while some religious groups have faced hostility from the state, religious freedom is one of the more secure civil rights in Kazakhstan, and it is in fact in the country’s constitution.)

Cohen could have taken the occasion to show he does not support the same sort of stereotype and discrimination that he so successfully lampoons. Instead, he gave

cont. from page

5 an irresponsible, yet very amusing response.

I for one, look forward to actually leaving campus and seeing Borat, laughing with horror as Borat leads a bar full of Americans in singing “Throw the Jew Down the Well,” but only taking his attacks on American culture at face value.

Instead of taking Cohen’s portrayal of Kazakhstan seriously, I hope viewers take the film, not as an excuse to continue baseless stereotypes, but as an opportunity to evaluate misconceptions that allow us to so easily accept an image so disconnected with reality.

7

Our poison Ivy League

er issue here, one that concerns our generation and the idea of determining the value of education with Princeton Review rankings.

I wear the maroon Some people believe that jacket, but deep down, where you earn your degree I’m just like most translargely determines your vofer students: scholasticational future. I am not cally promiscuous by naone of those people, but I’ll ture. entertain the concept for the It’s not that I don’t like purposes of this article.

UPS (I do), it’s just that I Assuming the aforemendon’t believe that going tioned theory is true, then here makes me any better or if nothing else, the “Har“smarter” than the students vard of the West” analogy at PLU, Saint Martins, TCC is a great marketing tool or anywhere else for that for the University. It draws matter.

Simultaneously, so-called “competitive” stuI’m not ashamed to “be a dents’ interest thus raising • Seth Doherty once ate an Logger” and feel no need our national rankings and entire ‘family size’ can of to kowtow to Georgetown, prestige. To put it bluntly: tomato soup. Northwestern, Rice or anywhile you may one else who is catch more flies Editorial Policy: Columns do not necessarily represent the supposedly highwith honey than er up on Newsopinions of The Trail. The Trail encourages all readers to Alternatives to our use of vinegar, nothweek’s collegiate respond to all articles or important issues by writing a letter ing attracts a totem pole.

“Harvard of the West”... to the Editor. Columns and letters in the Opinions section swarm quite like Perhaps that’s bullsh**. are printed at the discretion of the Editorial Board. The Trail why I always This prestige, reserves the right to refuse any letter that is submitted for cringe when I • The somewhat milkier Tuskegee however, often publication. Letters must be signed with a full name and hear someone comes with a of the West refer to UPS as contact information and are due no later than 5 p.m. on Monprice.

Often uni“the Harvard of • The sane Bob Jones of the West days. Letters may be mailed to trailops@ups.edu or delivversities in our the West.” ered through the mail to CMB 1095. position that are The apathetic, activist-free, Kent • What is this repeatedly treatcomparison supState of the West ed to favorable posed to be based academic evaluThe Stanford of the West • upon?

Aside ations by Kapfrom basically • The non-fortified University of lan and others, equitable tuition become overly Chicago, of the West costs (Harvard: distracted by the $30,275 – UPS: image of their $29,870 accordivy replication to ing to their renotice the many spective websites) we’re issue of the Boston Globe real opportunities for schonothing alike. placed it at only number lastic innovation.

So where did this idea behind MIT, Harvard UPS is still a relatively come from? I have my four and Duke). young college that has a theories, but nothing truly Dartmouth, founded in chance set itself apart conclusive. Whatever it is, 1769 by Reverend Eleazer from thetoIvy League trash it can’t be unique to UPS. Wheelock for the purpose that has ruled academia for Following a brief of “re-educating,” “Chris- so long – to become a school Google search, I tianizing” and “civilizing” of merit in its own right and discovered that Native Americans. One within its own construct, countless other think that Dart- just like Reed, William and public and private would mouth would be ashamed Mary, Kalamazoo and many universities also de- of that, but instead, they other revolutionary universcribe themselves had the audacity to name sities have before. It would as “Harvard of the one of their campus’ build- be a shame if we didn’t take West” including: ings the “Wheelock Student advantage of it.

Berkeley, BYU- Center.” I think I speak for If you are student or Idaho, Chapman, everyone in saying that only member of thea faculty/adClaremont, Colo- a sick university would be ministration who is currently We are the Steven Klein Company, LSAT rado University, to do that. using the expression “HarPomona College, inspired Specialists. After 18 years and 4,500 students, Then there is Brown, vard of the West”, please UCLA, University whose own Steering Com- stop.

If you want to go to there probably isn’t anyone who knows more of Montana, USC, mittee on Slavery and Jus- Harvard: It’s really not about this test or how to teach it than we do.

West Virginia Uni- tice recently acknowledged that hard.go.

All have to versity (don’t those that “much of the money do is enroll in you That is why Steven still teaches all his own the Harvard dumb hillbillies to create Brown and Extension School. Courses classes. That is why you should call us. know they’re in the used ensure its early growth are held at night and online, east) and Western came either directly or indi- and you don’t even need to Our nine week course features 36 hours Washington Uni- rectly from the slave trade.” take the SAT to apply. Yes, of class time with weekly help sessions, seven versity. No college, Thank God we’re not the when you graduate there is mock exams and assistance with the applicahowever, is more “Brown of the West” – oth- a slight distinction on the commonly associ- erwise September’s Race diploma, but God knows, tion process for the reasonable price of $995. ated with “Harvard We can answer any LSAT question - let us of the West” than and Pedagogy Conference most people who are genuhave been awkward. inely impressed with HarStanford. And if might prove it. Call now for a free seminar.

Are truly the lega- vard won’t be smart enough you ask me, they cies thethese University of Puget to know the difference.

206-524-4915 can have it.

• Chris Van Vechten calls Sound wishes to attach itWho really wants self to? all students to engage in his to define themintellectual insurgency.

Of course, there is a deepselves within the

Kids Can Do

By Chris Van Vechten reb091284@aol.com Opinons Editor

Children

Ivy League’s construct?

Aside from their reputations and nation-state like endowments, what makes them so great in the first place?

How are they revolutionizing academia or inspiring independence of thought?

How are they changing the world for the better? Trust me; there’s a lot about the Ivy League that is far from enviable.

There is Cornell, which is traditionally considered to be the “suicide capital” of academia (although a 2001

Midsummer Nights Dream

Holiday Flicks Soon

Features 8

November 3, 2006

The Trail

ELECTION 2006 : Pierce County Proposed Charter Behind I- 933

Amendment 3 – Instant Runoff Voting

By Maddy Ryen mryen@ups.edu Features Writer

By Keith Gordon krgordon@ups.edu Features Content Editor

A high profile issue for Washington voters this election is Initiative Measure Number 933 (I-933), concerning government compensation for the damage of private property.

The measure, one of a series of ballot initiatives around the country concerning eminent domain issues, “would require a government to consider and document certain factors prior to enacting laws regulating private property,” according to the Attorney General’s explanatory statement provided in the state ballot guide. The government would have to compensate private owners when regulations restricted the use of their land or damaged the value of the property.

The initiative’s explanatory statement outlines the documentation the government would have to go through before passing such regulations: identifying the property affected, noting the purpose of the proposed action, outlining the effect on property owners, estimating the required compensation and proposing “less restrictive means of accomplishing the governmental purposes.”

The statement included in the voters’ pamphlet in support of I933 argues that “excessive government regulations” interfere with the business and rights of property owners and that the initiative would address this problem.

“Washington’s state constitution says, ‘No private property shall be taken or damaged … without just compensation,’” says the statement. “I-933 will force government to respect our rights and follow the constitution.”

Opponents of I-933 argue that the language of the initiative leaves too many loopholes which could result in an increase in lawsuits against the public by property owners.

“If laws prevent a property owner from expanding a strip mall in a neighborhood or building a subdivision on farmland, I-933 would force the community into a no-win choice – either waive the law or have taxpayers pay the property owners for not being able to build,” says the voters’ pamphlet statement against I-933.

Amendment 3 will certainly be one of the most important propositions for Pierce County residents on the up-coming Nov. 7 ballot.

The measure proposes the implementation of Instant Runoff Voting for most future county-level elections. Instant Runoff Voting, a process in which voters can rank the candidates who appear on the ballot, would drastically reshape the electoral process in the county.

If approved on Nov. 7, Amendment 3 would do away with the unpopular Pick-a-Party primary, a system in which voters are constrained to voting for only one party in the primary election, and will replace it with a single election where voters cast their votes in terms of preference for each candidate. Such a process not only eliminates the need for a primary, but also provides the potential to challenge the two-party system.

Richard Anderson-Connolly, Comparative Sociology Professor at UPS and long-time advocate for IRV and proportional representa-

• Maddy hopes you vote on Tuesday!

tion in government, supports the amendment for this very reason.

With IRV, voters can place their first preference for a third-party candidate while placing their second and third preferences for either the Republican or Democratic candidate. The preferences will then be tallied and a majority winner declared.

“In the current system, a vote for a third-party candidate is a wasted vote. For instance, a vote for the Green Party takes a vote that might otherwise have gone to a Democratic candidate,” AndersonConnolly said.

Anderson-Connolly supports Amendment 3 and IRV precisely because it offers a distinct alternative to the two-party stranglehold, giving third-party and independent candidates a much better chance.

Ranked-choice voting, like IRV, would entail a step away from our current plurality voting system and towards more proportional representation.

For Anderson-Connolly, the two-party system poses a problem to fair and representative democracy. First, it limits genuine representation by limiting the number of parties.

“For me, a democratic government should be a microcosm of who we are. If ten percent of us all are environmentalists, then ten percent of our governmental representation should reflect that.

Those who are in power should look like us,” Anderson-Connolly said.

Moreover, Anderson-Connolly feels that the two-party system also limits political discourse.

“In our current system, voices outside the two parties are silenced from the debates. If the two candidates agree on an issue, it is never addressed, even if it is a concern of the voters,” he said.

Recently, Green Party candidate Aaron Dixon was prevented by police from participating in a debate in Seattle between the Democratic and Republican candidates.

“More discourse produces better ideas, and better ideas produces better laws,” Anderson-Connolly said.

IRV will pose a challenge to the two-party system, giving a political edge to marginalized parties outside the current partisan system.

background and became especially active in local politics after he and Diane Kelley moved into the 28th District.

“He studied Political Science and Economics at Berkeley before going on to get his JD and MBA,” said Diane Kelley. “Shortly after we bought our house, he started attending the 28th District Democrats meetings.”

This is a close race. The district is split almost evenly between Democrats like Troy Kelley and Republicans like his chief opponent, Don Anderson.

“Our district is really split 5050, so the election will likely be close,” professor Kelley said. “But I really hope he wins. He would be very very good at this job.”

Troy Kelley’s campaign focuses on classic Democratic issues, including helping small business owners, health care and education, which is particularly relevant to the student body.

“We’ve got two small kids, and I’m sure the students here agree,

education opens doors. We need to make sure all children have the opportunities a good education offers,” said professor Kelley.

Troy Kelley decided to run for this position in response to the Republican incumbent’s retirement.

“When Gigi Talcott, a Republican, decided to retire after serving 12 years in the Legislature, Troy saw an opportunity to run for that open seat and participate in the improvement of our community by serving in the State House–hopefully at the side of the other Rep. from our district, Tami Green, a fellow Democrat,” said professor Kelley.

Diane Kelley encourages students to remember to vote this Tuesday regardless of their party.

“Please remember to vote by Nov. 7, wherever you are registered. It’s important you exercise this right, especially this year when so much is on the line,” Diane Kelley said.

• Keith really wants you to vote on Tuesday!

Candidate campus connection

By Bailey Douglass bdouglass@ups.edu Features Writer

Associate French Professor Diane Kelley has a special reason to vote this Tuesday–her husband, Troy Kelley, is running for State Representative in District 28, the legislative district that includes UPS. Troy Kelley’s campaign includes members of the campus Young Democrats focused and many of the volunteers and interns are UPS students.

“There’s a fantastic group of dedicated volunteers and interns helping him out on the campaign, including about 15 from UPS,” professor Kelley said. “They generate walk lists, research issues, write responses to voters’ inquiries, doorbell, work on the phone banks, go sign-waving, do data entry and various other campaign-related tasks.”

Troy Kelley has a political

• Bailey encourages you to vote on Tuesday!

Features The Trail

November 3, 2006

9

The Trail explores political involvement at UPS The Case for Republicans in 2006 A New Direction for America

By Giorgio Cafiero Guest Writer

This Nov., Republicans should maintain majorities in both Houses of Congress as they have provided Americans with security, economic growth, two outstanding Supreme Court justices, and have refused to grant amnesty to millions of illegal aliens.

With our aggressive foreign policy, the Department of Homeland Security, and the Patriot Act, all of which have met firm resistance from Democrats, Republicans deserve credit for over five years of no attacks on America.

Bush’s tax cuts have created millions of jobs.

Today’s 4.6% unemployment rate is lower than the average rate throughout the 1970’s, 1980’s and 1990’s. Without raising taxes, our deficit has decreased 30%, as tax revenues are soaring.

Recently, the Dow Jones Industrial

Average set another record high close at $12,127.88.

Republicans have confirmed two brilliant legal minds to the Supreme Court because, during their confirmation hearings, they proved to be loyal interpreters of the U.S. Constitution. With Harry Reid in control, no judicial nominee will be confirmed unless they meet certain ultra-liberal litmus tests established for political reasons, as anything the ACLU opposes will be “unconstitutional.”

After the Senate passed an amnesty bill, which unfortunately the President signed, it has not become law because of House Republicans. House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, would not secure our southern border, not just from illegal workers but also terrorists, or ever require foreigners to immigrate to our country with respect for our laws.

Republican candidates should win this Nov. because Americans care about homeland security, our economic future and the role of the U.S. Constitution.

• Giorgio Cafiero is a representative of the UPS Republicans.

By Steven Sparks Guest Writer

It’s popular to say that the Democrats have no plan for America if they take control of Congress. Anybody making this claim is wrong. Our "liberal media" chooses not to report about the platform, which is the core of the problem.

Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi and other Democratic leaders have given speeches across the country during this campaign season about their plan called "A New Direction for America."

The Democratic plan is not just a referendum on President Bush – the six-point plan embraces important values that benefit all Americans: • Energy: Eliminate oil company subsidies and use savings to develop alternative energy sources.

• Healthcare: Ensure that every American has health insurance,

support stem cell research and enable Medicare to negotiate lower prescription drug prices from pharmaceutical companies.

• Minimum Wage: Raise the national minimum wage to $7.25.

• Education: Expand Pell grants, cut college loan interest rates in half and permanently make college tuition tax deductible.

• Social Security: Work towards a solution while preventing privatization. The money used for Bush's tax cuts would have made Social Security last 75 additional years.

• Real Security: Our national security policy must be honest to our troops, citizens and allies to establish trust and respect at home and abroad. We must reassess Iraq: "staying the course" has failed.

Our current government is out of touch with mainstream values. The goal of the Democratic plan is to move our country forward. Young voters can make the difference – be sure to vote on Nov. 7.

• Steven Sparks is a representative of the UPS Young Democrats.

Funeral for Habeas Corpus, Nov.

Junior Tom Dewey gives a eulogy at the funeral while sophomore Maggie Milligan, acting as Habeas Corpus, sits on a coffin.

Mourners of Habeas Corpus gathered to show their lament for Habeas Corpus’ passing. Sophomore Pat Cassados and senior Chris Dewar (left) brought flowers to the gravesite while grieving senior Haviva Avirom (right), in complete funeral attire is comforted by senior Katelyn Bruhn.

1

The processional, lead by sophomore Maggie Milligan as Habeas Corpus, makes its way to the funeral. Students wearing Laura Bush, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush and Donald Rumsfeld masks followed.

Chaplain Dave Wright said a few words at the funeral.

ASUPS PHOTOSERVICES/Nicole Marshall

Arts & Entertainment November 3, 2006

The Trail

Midsummers sparkles

Olympia Film Festival

10

• Mainstage show serves light fun

By Brandon Lueken blueken@ups.edu Editor in Chief

It is November now, and people are starting to get depressed. Clouds cover what were once clear blue skies, refusing to burst and let a cleansing rain revitalize students. Instead the clouds, and the long trek to Thanksgiving, hangs over the heads of all the students. Everything is gray, boring and monotonous.

That is, everything except the theatre department’s production of William Shakespeare’s “A Midsummers Night Dream�.

Directed by theatre professor Geoff Prohel, the production is a madcap distraction from the regular rigmarole of classes.

Featuring the intertwining stories of fighting lovers, an inept theatre troupe and squabbling fairies, the play clips and zips along at a delightedly fast pace.

Beginning in Athens, or more precisely the magical year of 1985, in some long forgotten high school, lovers Lysander (junior Parakaram Singh) and Demetrius (senior Adam Davis) are attempting to court Hermia (freshman Megan Noyce).

Lysander would be winning, if it were not for Hermia’s pesky father Edeus (freshman Bryan Sullivan), who insists that Demetrius is the better suitor. At the same time, Hermia’s friend Helena (senior Ann Marie Meiers) is deeply in love with Demetrius, but of course he only has eyes for Hermia. After Thesus, the Duke of Athens (senior Evan Tucker) announces that Hermia must choose between the two suitors, meaning that it had better be the pretty boy Demetrius, Lysander and Hermia hatch a plan to run away together.

Meanwhile, a group of rude Mechanicals, pretending to be a troupe of players led by Nick Bottom (junior Jeff Schmitz) are planning to put on a play for the Duke of Athens. They intend to practice in the woods outside Athens later that evening.

Once the evening in question arrives, the lovers and the troupe stumble into the wilderness where the Fairy King Oberon (sophomore Chad Barasch) and his Queen Titania (junior Sophie Lowenstein) are having a marital spat. Planning to teach his queen a lesson, Oberon instructs his servant Puck (senior Tim Strauhal) to place a love spell on her while she sleeps so that she will fall in love with the first thing she gazes upon while waking.

After this everything gets very convoluted, but it is suffice to say that a variety of hijinks and madness ensues.

Photo Courtesy: Kurt Walls

Midsummer’s Kate Stone, Sophie Lowenstein, and Jeff Schmitz.

While all is well that ends well, a great part of any classic Shakespeare show these days is looking at how a particular production adapts it. In the production here on campus, the audience will be treated to an interesting visual feast and specific costume motifs. The Duke and his wife are the Prom King and Queen, Demetrius and Helena are preppies, while Hermia is some sort of unkempt waif. Lysander is the bad boy from the other side of the tracks with washed out denim digs, and Edeus looks rather like an angry history professor from another play.

The Mechanicals are audio visual techies that are decked out in the most garish colors that one could imagine, which is a touch surprising considering their performance art backgrounds. Never fear though, costume designer Mishka Navarre turns these fashion bozos into amazingly costumed thespians in the last scenes of the play.

Visual gags and pop culture references abound in every single one of their costumes, with some being not so subtle.

The true standouts however, are the Fairies. They are the Goths, and they exude sex. They are sex. The audience will want to have sex with them, so long as the Goth culture is your bag.

Lowenstein’s slits on her Titania costume go scandalously high, and her four attendants Cobweb (sophomore Shannon Woods), Peaseblossom (freshman Kate Stone), Mustardseed (senior Katelyn Bruhn) and Moth (sophomore Alisha Edmundson) are all different manners of tempting, with corsets, fishnets and hair like you would not believe.

Equally impressive is the

array of acting within the play. The female set of the lovers do well, with Meiers being the stronger of the two female leads, while their male counterparts suffer interesting problems.

Singh has an accent that is very hard to understand, so his lines are often garbled.

Fortunately, he makes up for this fault by committing to his lines and playing the emotions honestly. Davis, on the other hand, can be wooden at times, but this is often a product of him being underused. He showed more range in the last Geoff Prohel production, Tony Kushner’s “Angels in America�. While he shined all through that play with an amazing performance, his sheen is not as bright here.

There are some great scenes and small details that he gets right, but he lacks the appropriate stage time.

See MIDSUMMER page 12

By Jordan Barber jbarber@ups.edu A&E Writer

Goodness, there are some hard-hitting movies out right now. I cannot decide if I want to go spend my eight dollars either on that raw emotional horse-tale “Flicka� or if I would rather see another “Saw� kill-fest.

Alright, you got me – my hands are up. I lied. Both of those films can non-hesitatingly be declared as awful. “Flicka� is a poignantly undercooked side dish simmering in its own self-perception as that one horse movie we have all already seen. We have lived long enough, as college students, to have experienced both of those movies in some form or another. It is time to move on and find other things to watch.

Although it is okay to watch “Labyrinth� every now and then.

The point to be made here is this: let us try something different. I am not pointing towards cinema elitism, but rather opening up the option to see films that are not inherently geared towards mass audiences.

As college students, we should look for films that perplex us, or twist our heads in the search for meaning in the film. Let us exercise our brains, with films.

That said, there are two options that will allow you to experience the kind of independent or foreign films just mentioned. One, the Film Criticism Society on campus watches films that are generally regarded as historically or critically significant to the art of film. Often their selections come from the Criterion Collection. Either that or they choose movies that are offbeat and enjoyable.

The Film Criticism Society (usually) meets Tuesdays at 8 p.m. in the Rendezvous.

The second option to consider is the Olympia

Film Festival (OFF). In its twenty-third inception, the OFF is a week-long event organized by the Olympia Film Society (olyfilm. org), packed with international and independent movies seeking to escape from genre generics and show you something a little more gosh-wow. Occurring from Nov. 3-12 (that is this weekend and the next), the festival promises films that range from the classics to the obscure.

On Sunday Nov. 5, OFF will be showing the very first film adaptation of Peter Pan, filmed in 1924.

It has only recently been fully restored in 1995, and is deemed to be the “mustsee� in the festival. This historically original landmark once thought lost should not be missed. The silent film is accompanied by live music, and shows at the Capitol Theater at 6:30 p.m. on Nov. 5.

The original Godzilla – or “Gojira� – will be featured at the festival as well. Not the bumbling shanty of a dinosaur that Americans were introduced to, this original “Godzilla� presents a theme of catastrophic disaster.

Produced in 1954, the subject of helplessness against calamity in “Godzilla� presents a powerful image for a society still recovering from WWII and two atomic bombs. “Godzilla� will be shown at the Capitol Theater at 9:30 p.m. on Nov. 4.

On the same day as “Godzillaâ€? is the best of the Ottawa International Animation Festival – described by the Olympia Film Society as the “most insanely great short films ‌ the cream of the crop.â€? They might not be lying, considering that the Ottawa Int’l Animation Festival is one of the most important events for animation each year. They are shorts you will not see anywhere else unless you went to Ottawa, and guarantees an hour and a half of genuine admiraSee OLYMPIA page 12

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Parakaram Singh, Adam Davis and Ann Marie Meiers observe a sleeping Megan Noyce. Sort of creepy.

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Arts & Entertainment November 3, 2006

The Trail

11

Scenery Uncovering local cafés in Tacoma let company housed in the floor above which bangs for study around like an elephant on

a coke binge. Worst ballerinas ever.

Unfortunately, the hipster vibe at the Kickstand sometimes invites its stepsisters Detachment and Pretension to the party, which makes for an inconsistent atmosphere. Not the friendliest service I found on my travels, as well as a couple stink-eyes from the patrons. Nobody said being artsy was fun.

At any rate, for some good art and a cup of joe before catching a movie at the Grand, stop into the Kickstand Café. 604 Fawcett Ave. (253)779-KICK.

By Tom VanHeuvelen tvanheuvelen@gmail.com

A&E Writer

Halloween has come and gone, and we have all done what we were waiting all year to do: get dressed up and go to a party.

However, now that it is over, we must all return our focus onto classes.

Now is the time that our professors have piled paper on test on 100 page a day homework. This in itself can drive a student insane. Just think what could happen if you forced yourself to study in a boring or ugly environment.

Luckily, The Trail is here to help.

We list below some places around campus that we think are beautiful or ugly locations to study. Each site has been carefully tested and inspected.

Even if you do not agree with our ideas, we hope at least to help you think of places you would want to get buried alive by academic literature.

See STUDYING page 12

ASUPS Photoservices/Jen Schmidt

Don’t be fooled by the minimalist design of the Blackwater’s exterior; the coffee is outstanding.

By Travis McNamara tmcnamara@ups.edu A&E Writer I have always supported sticking it to the Man, but today we must band together to stick it to the Mermaid: Starbucks Coffee is drowning the Northwest.

The coffee behemoth has just released what some are calling its “Grande Plan” to triple the current amount of their stores worldwide.

Triple! You already can-

not walk down 3rd Street in Seattle without passing more Starbucks than fingers you have on your hand.

I bet I could sit in front of one and throw rocks at three other ones. Increasing their ubiquity from the current 10,000 worldwide stores to their target 40,000 is only going to make my chances better (which is okay, because I throw like a girl).

But the worst part about these big chains is the lack of soul inside of them.

Everything is pre-packaged, everything is stylishly composed, everything is the same, the same, the same. There is something that feels inherently wrong about America’s obsession with the chain ideology and its unflinching consistency.

It makes me feel like I am just a number, just an economic unit. After all, you are what you drink, right?

Well I say, drink something else. Drink something that makes you feel like an individual. Drink something that nobody else can drink, anywhere. Drink something with its own homegrown flavor, its own quirks and scents.

In order to turn this tide of cultural ferment, we have to go to the little guys: the independents, the holesin-the-wall, the Davids in a country of Goliaths. If Starbucks is drowning the Northwest, our only hope to stay afloat is through supporting the finest of Tacoma’s independent coffee shops. Here are a few of my downtown favorites: The Kickstand Café and Blackwater.

(two espresso shots in a coffee), the Kickstand aims to please. If you are hungry, they also sell soup ($3.50) and sandwiches ($6), as well as a variance of delicious and probably fattening bakery treats.

Sparsely decorated with old bikes and metalworkings, the Kickstand also displays works of local Tacoma artists, which change each month.

Visit the cafe today to see the works of Ric Hall & Ron Schmitt, a pair of “tandem pastel artists” who work side-by-side on the same canvas to jointly create a finished piece.

For music, they hold an open mic night every Thursday, which has seen the likes of acoustic acts, poetry readings and even a play. It is all done on a small stage in a back room, where I could imagine good atmosphere on a crowded night.

You can bring in pets, there is free WiFi and they play decent music (in comparison to the smooth jazz at Starbucks, Death Cab sounds, for once, not sissy).

Probably not the best place for doing homework however, because there is a bal-

Blackwater Three blocks down from the Kickstand Café resides a minimalist red box of art/coffee perfection called Blackwater. Long and slender like an upturned matchbook, Blackwater has a vibe all its own: sparse, vibrant, edgy, yet comfortable. There is a sense of cool here without the baggage of trendiness. Stained glass lines the bar and windows in oranges, reds and greens, which lends an artfully manic tone to Blackwater’s otherwise sparse aesthetic. Tables up front, couches in back … this place feels right.

What sets Blackwater apart from the pack, however, is their espresso. My housemate Locke is both the manager of the UPS coffee shop and a snooty asshole when it comes to coffee, and he swears by the baristas at Blackwater. He is right on mark, however, as they are all battle-tested veterans from other local favorites such as the Kickstand Café and the Mandolin.

As a coffee philosophy, their website claims that “coffee should be strong as hell, black as death, and sweet as love.” It is totally obvious that Blackwater comes hard with the darkness.

See CAFÉS page 12

The Kickstand Café The Kickstand Café is a funky, art-house coffee shop in an excellent location.

Nestled on each side by the Grand Cinema and the Two Vaults Studio art gallery, the Kickstand fuels this hidden art-centric neighborhood in downtown Tacoma.

Offering a full menu of espresso drinks, assorted teas, ASUPS Photoservices/Jen Schmidt Naked juice, beer, wine and a drink called “Schwinng!” Junior Kayla Blincow enjoys a cup of ‘chino at the Blackwater.

Arts & Entertainment November 3, 2006

12

Studying

The Beautiful

wonderful. It has no pretension of being ergonomic, The Wooden Benches but is rather two slabs of wood perpendicular to one Outside the Café These benches exist at another. the intersection of several realms. They are fairly The Ugly secluded, but you do not feel like you have be- The Cubicles on the Seccome a hermit. You are ond Floor of the Library sitting amongst concrete, Oh the poor student who but there is a garden di- must study in the large recrectly in front of you. tangle of cubicles! There The garden has changed are so many factors playrecently, though, which ing against your ability to almost put this location maintain a soul. Fluoresin the ugly category. Li- cent lights shine down on lacs of a delightful, arti- you, crisping the edges of ficial purple were crowd- your being. The massive ed within a green hedge rectangle of cubicles looks rectangle. These were like a place for mindless replaced by short, round bureaucratic bookkeeping. plants that look like they If you value beautiful locacome from a purple alien tions, avoid this place at all planet. There are fewer cost! of these alien plants, and they are much shorter, Simultaneously so looking at them becomes somewhat of an Beautiful and Ugly endeavor. However, the location still feels peace- The Large Room on the ful and there are still pots First Floor of the Library The room with all the of flowers and a view of Kittredge, and so it warrants an inclusion in the beautiful category.

cont. from page 11 study tables is such an ambivalent place. On the one hand, you get large windows with beautiful views and strange feeling, though oddly comfortable, couches and chairs.

On the other, the library counters all the natural light that would be coming in, drowning it in soul sucking fluorescence.

Also, this is usually the place in the library where you will sit next to a guy with his iPod on full volume, you will hear the full transition from loud to quiet speaking by everyone who comes into the library, you will hear the librarians in their back room through the wall and you will overhear the conversation by the guy on the second floor of the library who thinks that he is alone.

• Tom VanHeuvelen is no longer on Facebook.

The Bench in between Jones and the Spirit Phallus If it starts to rain consistently, this location will not work until next semester however, if it is sunny, there is no better place to study. You are sitting outside in a verdant field of grass in between two arboretums, and you can hear the music kids as they practice.

The distance between you and the Music buildASUPS Photoservices/Emily Hearst ing gives their music a mystical echo.

According to The Trail’s expert on nature and happiness Tom The bench itself is VanHeuvelen, studying in the library is utterly macabre.

Olympia

tion. The best of the Ottawa Int’l Animation Festival begins at 7 p.m.

Beyond the fore mentioned events, there is an array of other features and films to capture your interest. A full schedule is available at olympiafilmfestival. org.

Other great features to watch: “Iron Island” (2005) from Iran, an expressive film about a group of Iranian families living off an old oil tanker in the Persian Gulf. “Touch the Sound” (2004) is a film about the famously deaf award-winning percussionist Evelyn Glennie that appeals to the creative universality of music. In perhaps the most globally amusing picture of the festival, “Paper Dolls” (2006) is about a group of Filipino drag queens living in Tel Aviv, Israel.

There are also a couple unique events, including the “Best-of” young-adult filmmakers, and a “Locals Only” program featuring films from the Puget Sound region.

Because OFF is occur-

Cont. from page 10 ring for two weekends, it would not be a huge hassle to find a day to drive (or bus) down for a day, Bumbershoot style. Olympia is about 40 minutes away by car: just take I-5 south to exit 105b and a left on 5th Avenue. That will lead you to the Capitol Theater, but you should check on the OFF website where all the venues are located.

Pierce County Transit has a Tacoma to Olympia Expressway from the TCC Transit Center to the Olympia Transit Center, a couple blocks from the Capitol Theater.

Single tickets for nonmembers are $8. Prices vary depending on how many events you attend.

Films are an excellent medium for enjoyment, but they can also supplement and expand learning beyond books and lectures. Even if you are not able to attend the film festival, check out the Film Criticism Society here on campus. Otherwise, enjoy the movies.

• Jordan Barber is thinking about Labyrinth more.

The Trail

Midsummer

10

Photo courtesy: Kurt Walls

Ann Marie Meiers and Adam Davis don’t seem to enjoy Saw III.

The Mechanicals are excellent as comedic relief, especially at the end of the play. Junior Tom Dewey as Peter Flute steals the entire last scene with his play within the play as Thisbe.

The Mechanical we see the most, however, Schmitz, is perhaps the weakest one.

Part of the problem is that his costume through the middle of the play, a ridiculous clown nose, impairs his ability to speak and makes him hard to understand. That and sometimes his lines are rushed, which may have been because this was the first weekend.

The Fairies do an excellent job in their roles.

Strauhal uses the mischievous role of Puck to command most of the scenes he is in, occasionally being brought in to rein by Barasch, who has to because he is the Fairy King. Strauhal delivers a playful, active performance, rolling, sliding and cavorting all over the stage, hardly able to keep still.

The scene design works marvelously, with a night sky painted on stage that is neither a dark void, nor an overly done starry night.

There are a series of metal

Cafés Like the Kickstand, Blackwater hosts local artist exhibits each month. Up now is black & white photographer Kristin Giordano, who is also, in fact, the wife of UPS professor Andrew Gardener. If you are an anthropology major, maybe buying some of her extra large prints will score you some extra credit. But then he might see through that. I mean, he is an anthropologist.

Anyways, Blackwater has got free WiFi, a bottomless drip cup for $1.63, friendly and knowledgeable baristas and a good local feel. This place is a gem. It is open until 9 p.m. and a great place for homework, reading, or just drinking coffee and being deep. And if you get really deep, maybe you can hang out with Locke.

747 Fawcett Ave. (253) 404-0000.

So if you love coffee and live in Tacoma, drink local.

The inevitable flood of Starbucks will come so long as Grande Plans exist, and it

cont. from page

poles on stage that emphasize the playground mentality of the different liaisons throughout the night.

Contrasting this is the most atrociously wonderful red plush couch on wheels that is constant throughout the entire night. Amazing in its hideousness, the couch adds to the entire production.

The entire production hosts a great sense of fun and the audience can actually laugh out loud pretty much the entire time, but there is something missing. While “Dream” is certainly the most enjoyable, accessible and well-done play since the controversial “Angels in America”, there is not necessarily a statement to be made. The play is lighter fare and provides a well deserved escape for many students, but there should have been more, some sort of commentary about the way relationships work, or the expectations of others. Hopefully with the conclusion of the “Three

by Bill” cycle that has been ongoing since last fall, the spring production of “Arcadia” will attempt to broach a larger theme.

• Brandon Lueken is allergic to tomatoes.

Cont. from page 11

ASUPS Photoservices/Jen Schimdt

Senior Laura Lee Phibbs and junior Kyla Burnett pretend to talk about sophisticated things like politics and books at Blackwater. is safe to say that the yuppies of the world do not believe in sandbags. The best we can do then is to find a place of our own to love, hole up with a good book

and a warm cup of coffee and hope that the Mermaid drowns before we do.

• Travis McNamara only wrote this article because he can’t swim.

Combat Zone November 3, 2006

The Trail

13

Make primetime worth your time • “Justice”: what could be

By Fabio Bustamante better watching a show Combat Zone Boob Tube about than high priced lawyers?

Analyst There’s a fine tradition of le-

gal shows. Why not exhaust an already dead genre? All the excitement of legal loop holes, torte reform, race cards, pretension and of course, sex … because all professionals have copious amounts of sex, with exclusively attractive people.

Although everyone should know the journalist is humanity’s answer to bunnies.

We get laid like nobody else. (Editors note: If this is true, God help me.)

• “Gray’s Anatomy”: The drama of the average hospital, which has daily bomb threats, small pox, mummies and, of course, lots and lots of sex triangles. (Triangles are the natural friend of sex, look at the lesbian movement.) Pretty much the same thing as “Justice” but with doctors who yell “20 CC’s of isopropenal, stat!” instead of, “I object!”

• “Desperate Housewives”: If you are looking for sexual drama in primetime then look no further.

This show tells the story of your average wealthy supermodel housewives who have sex with anything that moves (and some things that don’t. There was this scene with a staircase bannister. It was gnarly.) On occasion they even have sex with their husbands.

There is more drama in a minute of this show than there is in an entire year of havoc on your mood. Try Aries giddiness instead.

3/21 - 4/19 It’s time to bang the gong!

Ah, Primetime TV, the last bastion upholding true culture. It provides the viewing public with an unending array of tempting options from “Gilmore Girls” to “Prison Break.”

For some of us it can be difficult to pick what to watch every evening. The Combat Zone has decided to step in and help some of our more flighty readers to decide how to spend an evening.

Remember, you have to watch something; conversation with friends and loved ones can be dangerous. After all, if you don’t watch the advertisements how will you know what to buy … commie … that’s right, I said it.

• “Prison Break”: One would think that a show about a prison break would get old after the actual event, but how wrong you would be. There is the police chase afterwards too, and the people are way, way more attractive than they are on “Cops.” (Remember readers, the fine show of “Cops” has occasionally been filmed right here in Tacoma. Isn’t that inspiring?) Plus there is someone who looks disturbingly like liberal punching bag Alan Colmes in the upcoming season. It’s a whole new opportunity to watch that guy get pushed around.

H o r o s c o p e s

life in your average sorority house. (Editors note: Sorority girls on staff contended this.) Somewhere the Puritans are rolling around in their graves. (With the current cultural climate, they’re actually increasing the rotational speed of the earth.)

• “‘Til Death”: Remember the unfunny brother from that terrible show “Everybody Loves Raymond”?

The big, deep voice cop?

Curly black hair? Italian?

Yeah, neither do we. But apparently Fox did, and they decided to give him a show, based on the shockingly original premise of a married couple and their hilarious arguments. This promises to be like no other sitcom ever written.

• “Nip Tuck”: If “Gray’s” sex and violence aren’t enough for you, this cable show will kick it up a notch.

It also adds some of the most adorable gender stereotypes. This mind-blowing combination of partial nudity, fake blood and scenes of graphic surgery makes sure you won’t remember your conscience for an instant.

(Thank God the shoulder angels haven’t unionized.)

Besides, if they aren’t going to glorify the world of plastic surgery, who is?

Taurus

parsnip brown

cont from last

week’s issue Luiphobia, Lutraphobia, Lyssophobia, Maieusiophobia, Malaxophobia, Medomalacuphobia, Medorthophobia, Melophobia, Mycophobia and Phobophobia.

Scorpio

10/23 - 11/21

4/20 - 5/20 Dishes are rolling every You’re up for a challenge which way, and the cat is this week, Taurus: arm in shock, why are you just wrestling a chestnut is no standing there? small feat.

Gemini

5/21 - 6/21

Sagittarius 11/22 - 12/21

If you’re feeling inhibited It’s up to you to be the this week try losing your skeptical detective. Try cell phone, then start talking not to get too dizzy. to perfect strangers in your quest to find it.

Cancer

•“Family Guy”: The Griffins are back and zanier than ever. This show became known for its outrageous humor and off the wall characters, and Fox has bet that if a lot of that is awesome then zaniness that overrides plot, character development and human dignity is sure to be a “mind-f**k.”

This show is so funny we aren’t even sure what we’re laughing at or why, but hey, something this weird has to be smart? Right? (It also makes it harder to play the drinking game. It’s a constant waterfall experience.)

• “Gilmore Girls”: Take the girliest thing you can imagine (a ballerina on a pony, in a hair salon) and coat it in Ben and Jerry’s, paint it pink and garnish with Tweety Bird stickers, and you have a vague inkling of what lies in wait for you with this show. If you have no real female drama in your life then this is the best place to go – you will be well provided for.

• Fabio Bustamante’s favorite shows are “Project Runway,” “America’s Next Top Model,” “Will & Grace” and “Sex and the City.”

ATTN: READER

Think you’ve got what it takes to write for the Combat Zone?

If so, submit an article as a word attachment to trail@ups.edu.

Each week the senior staff will choose the best, funniest, wittiest, combat zone lovin’ story to be featured in that week’s issue. Who knows ... you just might see your name in print some day.

Photo courtesy of www.vrak.tv

“Gilmore Girls” airs every Tuesday night at 8 p.m. on the new CW network. You know you want to watch. Don’t deny yourself.

Disclaimer: The Combat Zone is a work of satire and does not reflect the views or opinions of The Trail, its staff or the administration. In fact, the Combat Zone doesn’t really represent the opinions of anyone. Please send complaints to trail@ups.edu.

NOW

MONEY FOR COLLEGE

6/22 - 7/22

Capricorn It is ill advised to do the - 1/19 splits at the dinner party. Potholes12/22 will plague you, Try card tricks instead. but keep your chin up and write an email instead.

Leo 7/23 - 8/22

Aquarius It may feel like you’re 1/20 - 2/18 outrunning an avalanche, I know you want to spread but you have an opposable thumb. Never forget that. the love, but remember to (insert safe sex euphemism of choice here).

Virgo 8/23 - 9/22

Pisces Brownies are the 2/19 - 3/20 exception to the comfortable reading Finding focus isn’t easy chair rule, but there’s when you rediscover what you have in the fridge. more than one way to do things.

Libra

9/23 - 10/22

A schedule that goes pitter-patter will wreak

• The Combat Zone horoscopes are vaticinated

by Madame Zenith, who has had a sugar headache all week.

Because Aunt Joan needed more Botox®*.

She got a facelift, you got the tuition bill.

Not to worry: a Campus Door student loan can cover up to 100% of your education costs, with online approval in less than a minute.

All without the painful side effects.

campusdoor.com *Botox® is a registered trademark of Allergan, Inc.

Like this poster? Download your own printable PDF version at campusdoor.com/posters All loans are subject to credit approval. Programs, rates, terms and conditions are subject to change without notice. Other restrictions apply. Trade/Servicemarks are the property of Campus Door Inc. and/or its affiliates. Lender is Lehman Brothers Bank, FSB. ©2006 Campus Door Inc. All Rights Reserved. Equal Opportunity Lender.

Sports Loggers win ground game battle • Football’s defense bends but doesn’t break on road

By Jess Columbo jcolumbo@ups.edu Sports Writer

The Logger football team faced an elevated Colorado College this past weekend, Oct. 28, in Colorado Springs. UPS managed to keep the Tiger’s second-half offensive push at bay, defeating them by a score of 28-25.

Logger game preparation was altered slightly for the change in altitude, but air pressure could not contain the UPS offense, running or passing.

Running back Rory Lee led both teams in rush attempts and yards, averaging over nine yards per carry.

Lee dominated the Tiger defense with speed, scoring the first two UPS touchdowns.

Quarterback Kavin Williams did his part as well, gaining another five yards for each of his carries, and passing for 52, one of which was to running back Silas Paul for the third Logger score.

UPS looked strong and unwavering as half-time approached. Tough defensive play had contained Colorado and forced them to rely on their kicker and his field goals to get on the board. At the half, the Loggers led 216.

Coming into the third quar-

The Trail

November 3, 2006

14

ter, however, it was obvious the Tigers had found new intensity which pressured an unsure Logger squad.

Just minutes into the second half, Colorado rushed past the UPS defense for their first touchdown, making the score 21-12.

“I wasn’t ready for them to come and start running their no huddle stuff,” linebacker Bucky Brenner said.

“That definitely threw us off as a defense.”

Tough Tiger defense contained Lee and Williams enough to force Brian Ames to punt with four minutes left in the quarter. A tired UPS defense got back on the field, ready for another Colorado attack. Again their opponents rushed hard and fast, sneaking in for their second touchdown. These third quarter Logger mistakes let Colorado back into the game.

“At the half we felt in control,” tight end John Lorge said, “but when our first three second-series end up fumble-punt-fumble it’s hard to keep momentum going.”

Two minutes into the fourth quarter, the Tigers scored their last touchdown of the game, gaining the lead 21-25. This was a turning point for the Logger team – offense and defense buckled down, determined

to get back on top. Recomposed and aggressive, UPS took the lead on a short rush

by Williams with eight minutes left in the game. Justin Dougherty’s kick was good and the Loggers took their lead back, 28-25. From there, it was all up to the defense.

“What changed wasn’t our D strategy, but more, our determination to not let them score again,” Brenner said. “Everyone on defense realized it was on us to win this thing and so we buckled it up and Loggered up to stop them.”

Drives were back and forth for both teams through the rest of the fourth quarter, but the Loggers ended up on top when the clock ran out, 28-25.

“During the season, there’s always going to be games where the team doesn’t play like they should on paper. Good teams win those games,” Lorge said.

And the Logger football team looks just as good as they can be coming into this weekend’s game against Menlo at home.

The Loggers final home game of the season will come Nov. 4 at 1 p.m. against the Oaks of Menlo college.

• Jess Columbo, just like Paul Walker, lives her life one quarter mile at a time.

Men’s Soccer

rates. Logger keeper Pete Van Sant matched that statistic with six saves of his own for shutout number 11 on the season.

Van Sant earned six more saves and shutout number 12 the following day, Oct. 29, with a 4-0 Logger victory over the visiting Whitman Missionaries.

The LogAsups Pho- gers had the toservices/Mark lead going Delbrueck into halftGreg Swanson ime after a minute 29 goal from Blanchet off of a cross from junior Mark Conrad. The Logger offense found their spark in the second half when junior Jason Sisneros headed a pass from senior captain Byron Conforti into the goal only two minutes in.

Junior captain Greg Swanson converted a 30yard free kick a few minutes later to give the Loggers a big 3-0 lead. Conforti got his second assist of the afternoon with a free kick directed to sophomore Taylor Hyde, who scored in minute 64 to give the Loggers the 4-0 win.

Hewitt attributes the high scoring games of the last

Cont. from page 16

two weekends to the focused execution of game plans.

“The opportunities have always been there and it takes a little more concentration to make it happen,” he said. “Our goal is to achieve to our potential and to keep taking steps to get better.”

Hewitt also noted that two factors have carried the team so far.

“We have good chemistry and we have been lucky so far with injuries,” he said.

Prior to the start of the match, Byron Conforti, Marcus Asahina and Jeremy Denman were honored as seniors playing their last home game. This week the Loggers take on Pacific on Fri. Nov. 3 and close out the regular season the following day against George Fox. Though the Pacific University Boxers handed the Loggers their only loss of the year at their last meeting, Hewitt is not interested in hyping up the match. To him, the bigger challenge is simply the fact that it is a road game.

“I think we should have won that game and we should win this one,” he said. “There is no big revenge.”

• Rachel Gross disagrees with Hewitt, bloody revenge is most definitely in order.

Sports The Trail

November 3, 2006

15

UPS reaches top of standings Volleyball splits weekend

By Stephanie Hill-Parks sparks@ups.edu half, they held a 6-0 advan- season. Once again, Folsom Sports Writer tage in corner kicks. Whit- had a part in each goal.

• Folsom tears up opponents in Loggers’ wins

By Joe Engler jengler@ups.edu Assistant Sports Editor

An electric performance by junior forward Bird Folsom highlighted the UPS women’s soccer team’s wins over W h i t worth and Whitman at home on Oct. 28 and 29, asups photoserv- r e s p e c ices/holden sapp tively. The Lea John drives L o g g e r s won 3-0 to the goal. against both opponents, moving into first place in the NWC standings.

Right from the start, UPS was knocking on the door.

Starting forwards Folsom and fellow junior Katie Gillette put the pressure on Whitworth early. They chased down long ball after long ball, often beating the Pirate defenders and sending in crosses. But missed headers and high shots plagued the Logger offense for most of the first half.

Minute 41 was the turning point. UPS strung together a couple passes in front of the Whitworth goal, ending with senior midfielder Abbie Ogaard finding the NWC’s leading goal scorer in the middle of the box. Dribbling parallel to the goal, Folsom beat the Pirate’s junior goalkeeper Leah Motz by shooting back across her body and finding the corner of the net.

The halftime score was 1-0 Loggers, but could easily have been more. Not only did UPS outshoot Whitworth 6-2 in the first

worth’s best chance in the Freshman forward/midperiod came off a free kick. fielder Melissa Abellanida The Pirate player struck the struck paydirt in minute 38. ball well, only to have it sail She received a cross from over the top of the crossbar. Folsom six yards out from The Loggers did not slow the goal and put the ball into down in the second half. the back of the net. AbellanWith memories of their 1- ida repaid Folsom in minute 1 draw against Whitworth 42 by assisting her for the back on Oct.1, UPS was de- Loggers’ second goal of the termined to have a different game. The half ended with outcome.

UPS up 2-0.

Senior defender/midfieldThe lone goal in the secers Katy Daly and Lea John ond half came off the foot both earned assists on the of John in minute 73. Sosecond goal in minute 69. phomore defender Nikki Daly fed John on the right Graff took a pass from Folside, who then found Fol- som and fed John for the som’s head on a perfect third goal. Graff and Folcross. som both received assists The Loggers were not on the play. done yet. In minute 85, In a battle of two freshsenior midfielder Jenna Dwiggins passed up the field to a wide open Folsom. The speedy forward dribbled the ball up the right side and slotted home the rock for Asups Photoservices/daniel adler her third goal of the The women celebrate after one of Bird Folgame. The som’s four goals on the weekend. hat trick was a career high for Folsom, as man goalkeepers, the Logshe makes a strong pitch for gers’ Wolfer came out NWC Offensive Player of on top with four saves in her second shutout of the the Year honors.

Defensively, UPS was weekend. Whitman keeper solid as well. Led by senior Courtney Porter made five Megan Shivers, the Loggers saves for the Missionaries.

The Loggers will face Paallowed only six shots total, just two of which freshman cific on Nov. 3 and George goalkeeper Kallie Wolfer Fox on Nov.4, both on the had to save in the shutout. road, in their last two reguThe game against Whit- lar season games. man turned out to be more • Joe Engler has become of the same. An offensively ridiculously cool by taking minded UPS squad out-shot others’ coolness. There can be the Missionaries 17-9 in only one! their last home game of the

2006 Fall Northwest Conference Standings FOOTBALL Linfield Whitworth PLU Puget Sound Willamette Menlo L&C W. SOCCER Puget Sound Willamette Whitworth PLU Whitman George Fox Linfield L&C Pacific

W 4 4 3 2 1 1 0 W 11 11 9 8 6 3 3 3 1

L 0 0 2 2 3 4 4 L 1 2 4 4 4 9 9 10 12

GB 1.5 2 3 3.5 3 T 2 1 2 2 4 2 2 1 1

Ovr. 8-0 6-2 3-5 6-2 1-6 3-5 0-7 Pts. 35 34 28 26 22 11 11 10 4

M. SOCCER Puget Sound Whitworth PLU Pacific Linfield Whitman George Fox Willamette VOLLEYBALL PLU Linfield Puget Sound Whitman Whitworth George Fox Pacific L&C

W 9 8 8 6 5 4 3 0 W 13 12 9 8 6 5 5 5

L 1 3 3 5 5 7 8 L 1 2 5 6 8 9 9 9

T Pts. 2 29 2 26 1 25 1 19 2 17 1 14 1 10 1 1 GB Ovr. 19-5 2 19-2 4 14-7 5 12-10 7 7-18 8 9-16 8 8-16 8 7-17

The Loggers traveled to Eastern Washington last weekend for two Northwest Conference matches, coming home with both a win and a loss. The Loggers spent Oct. 27 in Spokane, Wash. facing the Whitworth Pirates, coming from behind to win the match 3-1. Puget Sound lost the first game but won the next three, with scores of 29-31, 30-18, 3634, 30-22.

Next, the Loggers traveled to Walla Walla, Wash. on Oct. 28, to face the Whitman Missionaries, but fell short in three games. The match ended with scores of 28-30, 17-30, 26-30.

Despite the win on Oct. 27, senior Jamie Eggers believes that both nights could have been better for the Loggers.

“We didn’t play up to our potential,” Eggers said.

“Both nights, we didn’t find our game. At the end of the season we should be playing our best. We didn’t play our best when it counted.”

Friday night, the Loggers looked as though they might be upset by the Pirates, as Whitworth put forth an impressive effort to take the win in the first game. With the match tied after the first two games, the third game proved close, having a tied score fifteen times throughout the game.

With the final tied score of 34-34, an ace by junior Jessica McPhee-Hayes and a kill by junior Monica Groves brought the final score to 3634. The fourth game seemed close at first, but the Loggers steadily increased their lead throughout the game and finally ended it with an ace from Eggers.

During the match, several Loggers put up impressive

Cross Country are things that we can really build on and be proud of.”

Each team’s goal before the championship was toppling the mighty Willamette, and the goal remains the same as they set out for regionals that will be held in Chino, Calif. on Nov. 11.

“We want to look at this race as teasing (the Bearcats),” Timmer said. “They can squeak by at conference, but we’ll just have to go out and beat them at regionals where it really counts.”

When the team treks down to sunny Calif., it will bring Peacock back to the state he calls home. He’s hoping it, and the course at Chino, which many of the Loggers have seen, will treat the team well.

“Well, last year it flooded, and if it starts raining down there this time, it could definitely happen again,”

statistics. Groves and Eggers each recorded five kills, while freshman Lindsey Denman had 13 and freshman Kalli Kamphaus had 11. Junior Rachel Gross led the team in digs with 29 total, setting a new team record for most digs in a season. Sophomore Jamee Fred recorded 51 assists and 16 digs.

Saturday night, the Loggers were unable to repeat their victory from Friday as they were swept by the Missionaries, 3-0. In the first game, the Missionaries were able to capitalize on 10 errors by the Loggers as well as dishing out 15 kills. During the second game, Puget Sound hit .23, only to have Whitman hit an impressive .531. The final game played out with the Loggers hitting .220, only to be outplayed by the Missionaries’ hitting of .343.

The players were held to much lower numbers Saturday night than they were Friday night, as Denman led the team with 14 kills and Eggers put up 10. Fred added 27 assists for the night.

Gross, setting the record for digs the night before, was held to only nine throughout the night.

The Loggers (14-7, 9-5 NWC), will play in their final two matches of the season this weekend. Puget Sound will take on Lewis & Clark College on Nov. 3 and Willamette College on Nov. 4.

“We definitely need to bring our A game to both matches this weekend and we need to finish out the year with two wins,” Eggers said.

Both matches are Northwest Conference games, and will be played at 7 p.m. in Memorial Fieldhouse.

• Stephanie Hill-Parks has an A game, just ask your Pops.

Cont. from page 16

Peacock said. “It’s more of standard cross country with some elevation changes and the weather is a lot hotter when it doesn’t rain, so all those things we will have to be preparing for.”

The Loggers will indeed have to be prepared if they want to secure a bid to participate in the national competition in Mason, Ohio, which is automatically awarded to the top two teams at Chino.

Top individual performers could also advance.

“The way we’ve been running this season, some of our individual runners definitely have the ability to compete at the national level,” Pollard said. “But we run as a team and don’t like to put a lot of focus on the individual glory, so we’ll go as far as our teams take us.”

• Will Holden couldn’t run an 8k with two shoes on.

Sports The Trail

November 3, 2006

16

Cross Country finishes high at NWC’s

By Will Holden wholden@ups.edu Sports Editor

On what was a sunny brisk day in Parkland, Wash., a berth for the regional tournament was on the line for both the UPS men’s and women’s cross country team. Each secured a position and each nearly toppled the previous year’s champion Willamette, as both the men and women walked away with second place team finishes.

“A lot of people don’t understand that in cross country, the final conference placing is determined by one race,” junior Trevor Hanlin said. “So that makes these sorts of races that much more important because if you don’t succeed you don’t advance.”

Each team was coming off of a week-long layoff, but neither felt as though that was a disadvantage.

“Our program is designed to race every other week,” Cross Country Head Coach Mike Orechia said. “We

have a very high focus on practice and that helps us to be prepared come race day.”

The NWC conference meet has a rotating schedule and this year it happened to fall on what Orechia referred to as a “fast track” at PLU. “It was a little bit short, just within the parameters of what is allowable for an 8k race,” Orechia said. “A lot of our runners had personal bests, but it was more like a track meet.”

While the course wasn’t what Orechia would call a traditional cross country one, there were many runners who didn’t mind.

“I enjoyed the course,” freshman Emily Timmer said. “Some runners didn’t appreciate the multiple loops, but I loved them, it meant people were always cheering for you.”

Freshman Franics Reynolds also enjoyed the multiple laps.

“As a freshman it’s nice to have a circle because it makes it easier not to get lost,” Reynolds joked.

There was much for UPS

Men’s soccer has way with Pirates and Missionaries

• Loggers in position to clinch conference

By Rachel Gross rgross@ups.edu Sports Writer

In the last home games of the regular season, the UPS men’s soccer team racked up two wins to solidify their place at the top of the Northwest Conference rankings.

Oct. 28, the Loggers took on the visiting Whitworth Pirates, who had held first place in the conference rankings. The Loggers earned the lead early in the game when junior Scott Blanchet put freshman Micah Wenzel’s cross from the right side into the net in minute 12.

Despite offensive pressure from the Pirates, the Loggers continued their attack with another goal in minute 28, this time from a penalty kick. The kick was award-

ed after the second yellow card in a minute was shown to a Pirate player. The first was given to Sean Lambrecht for a collision near midfield, while the second was shown to Whitworth keeper Kevin Bostock for a foul in the eighteen-yard box. Wenzel converted the penalty to give the Loggers a solid 2-0 lead.

Although this game was important for conference standings, Logger junior Andrew Hewitt said that the key to success was treating the Whitworth game like any other.

“It was just as important as the games that came before it and the games that will come after it,” he said.

“We try not to get too far ahead of ourselves.”

Besides letting in two goals, Bostock made six saves for the visiting PiSee Men’s Soccer page 14

Asups Photoservices/Mark Delbrueck

The Loggers attack the net led by Kyle Johnson (far right).

fans to be happy about too, as many individual Loggers enjoyed solid performances.

On the women’s side, Timmer placed second with a time of 21:25.8, trailing only Sarah Zerzan of Willamette, who led much of the race and finished with a time of 20:32.66. Junior Brittany Hodgson placed fifth with a time of 21:52.31 while junior Liana Roberts placed 10th with a 22:08.90.

Hanlin placed fourth in a highly-competitive men’s race, finishing the course in a time of 24:56.65. Ian Batch, of Willamette, walked away with a first place finish of 24:30.70. Dan Pollard placed seventh with a mark of 25:02.36 while Stephen Peacock finished eighth with a time of 25:09.77.

The women just missed out on a conference title, falling just four points in team score behind Willamette, who has now piled up five consecutive conference titles.

“We ended up losing that team title in the last 200 meters,” Orechia said. “It was frustrating not to come

Off the Bench

By Tony Schwartz tschwartz@ups.edu Sports Columnist

Congratulations to the St. Louis Cardinals – winners of the World Series with the lowest television rating of all time. But hey, at least the ratings were better than the Tiger’s meager offense.

I’ll be honest; I did not watch much of the World Series. Blame it on my professors and their competition to see who could give out the most homework and tests that week.

I did not even know game five was being played on Oct. 27 – and I would not have known the Cardinals had won it all that night had I not opened my inbox and saw junk mail from Macy’s congratulating the Cards – and discounting 10% off shipping for my online order. Whoopee!

But nevertheless, no matter how the World Series had played out, it still signifies the end of the season. To put it in the words of baseball legend, Rogers Hornsby: “People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball. I’ll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.”

So with the ghastly cold weather upon us and all the California students trying to figure out why the hell they came to Washington in the first place, I present to you what I will miss and not miss from the end of another season of America’s pastime.

out on top when it was that close, but our women really ran a great race.”

The men turned up with their share of gutsy performances as well, but perhaps none more heroic than Pollard, who ran nearly the entire race on one foot as he had his shoe stepped on in the first minute of the race and yet still finished in the top ten.

“Hopefully I can keep my shoe on at regionals,” Pollard laughed, with his foot in a bandage.

The men finished off the pace set by the Bearcats as well, although it was not quite as close, as UPS turned up a team score of 40 and Willamette a score of 58.

“We’re really proud of how each other as individuals competed and we’re proud of the way we hung around and really pushed it to the end,” Hanlin said.

“To have Dan finish with one shoe and to have Francis up there competing with Dan, Stephen, and myself See Cross Country page 15

Logger sports week in photos

ASUPS PHOTOSErVICES/Daniel Adler

Bird Folsom dominates

ASUPS PHOTOSErVICES/sam armicido

Football keeps smiling

ASUPS PHOTOSErVICES/Matt Loewen

Volleyball splits games

Tony Schwartz says goodbye to baseball

I will miss reading the box scores in the morning paper with my bowl of cereal and coffee. I won’t miss reading another steroid-related question.

I will miss the Red SoxYankee games on national TV. I will miss the excitement of watching every game on the edge of my seat and the unpredictability of what could happen.

I won’t miss the series results from what happened this year.

I will miss driving home listening to a game on the radio and vividly visualizing the game in my head.

I won’t miss the worst TV broadcast duo ever – Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

I will miss Kirby Puckett, Buck O’Neil, Cory Lidle, and the other 85 people in baseball that have passed on this year to play on God’s ball field now.

I’ll miss random stops at little league fields in June and July to watch the little guys play. I’ll miss the smiles, the laughter, the tears and the sound of aluminum bats. Damn, I already miss snacks after the game.

I won’t miss the loudmouth, complaining, egotistical parents that think their eight year-old kid is the next MLB superstar.

I’ll miss the Chasing Aaron ticker on ESPN and seeing Barry’s stat line for the day.

I won’t miss hearing the words Bonds, baseball, and steroids in the same sentence.

I will miss Bonds dressing

like Paula Abdul though.

I’ll miss manager tirades, such as the one by minor league manager Joe Mikulik. In what other sport can you watch a manager slide into second base, pick it up and show it to the umpire, toss it into right field, argue some more, cover home in dirt, throw every bat in the dugout onto the field, water home plate, show the umpire how to call a strike, and spike the water bottle on home plate?!?

I’ll miss the talk of how the Yankees were a failure and what to do with PayRod, the Playoff Choker.

I’ll miss “Manny Being Manny.”

I won’t miss hearing all about the Boston Massacre from my Yankee friends.

I’ll miss the trade talk, watching new superstars emerge and watching future major league players on “Dollar Deals Night” at Cheney Stadium.

I won’t miss my pathetic fantasy league team – but like the Cubs, “There’s always next year!”

But more importantly than anything else that the baseball season has to offer, winter is coming and all I can do is look at my window and wait.

Because what I miss the most from a season that has past, I know I just have to wait a bit longer before once again I can take some hacks in my cage, play catch with my father and watch my brother play.

• Tony Schwartz will also miss finance next semester.