OOO, GONE FISHING

Out-of-office replies for when you’ve completely checked out

by Kiley Parrish and Rachel Loring

Subject: Gone Fishing (For Stability)

Hi there, I’m currently away from my inbox in search of peace, purpose, and possibly a stable romantic partner with a boat. Responses will be delayed, much like my emotional development.

Continue being patient,

Subject: OOO: Catching Nothing but Red Flags

Hello, I’m currently out of office and knee-deep in romantic delusion. If you need something, ask someone with better boundaries and a less active imagination. Hope this helps. It won’t.

Subject: Gone Fishing (for Boundaries)

Thank you for your message. I am currently unavailable due to a complete and glorious absence of giving a damn. Please direct all questions to someone who’s still pretending to care.

Subject: OOO: Hooked on a Thought Spiral

I’m currently unavailable because I’ve made one small mistake and decided to relive every embarrassing moment I’ve ever had. I’ll be back once I finish romanticizing my downfall and/or get a compliment from a stranger.

Until then, Godspeed.

Subject: Gone Fishing (Spiritually)

I’m away, fishing for answers. I’ll get back to you when I have one. Pray for me.

Subject: OOO: Restoring Sanity via Saltwater

I’ve gone to submerge myself in ocean water in hopes that it rinses off my anxiety. Will reply when my brain turns off.

Subject: Something’s fishy

Maybe it’s the week-old salmon bowl leftovers, but I’m feeling a little sea sick today. Will be on the search for a horizon to stare at, and a mop to swab the deck with.

Subject: OOO, Marooned

My super is coming to fix my wifi, in the meantime, I will be video calling from my hotspot.

Apologies for the inevitable glitches.

Subject: Need bait, don’t text

I will be taking the afternoon to enjoy a meal eaten outside on a blanket, preferably in a park.

Subject: OOO, Caught in a Net!

Aka doomscolling with teams open