By Quinita E. Good
Coursing the Waters of Middle Aged Love
T
here was a time when I hated to see Valentine’s Day come because I didn’t have a valentine of my own. The month of lovers was a month of misery for me and I expended a lot of emotional distress over not having that special person in my life. Now, at 56-years-old and unmarried, I course the waters of relationships very carefully. By carefully, I mean that I watch my tendency to be carried away with potential mates like I might watch boiling water. I don’t want to scorch the pot (lose my sense of self) or lighten the temperature so much that I never feel what it’s like to be in love again. America in the 1950s and 60s labeled women like me “spinsters”—a seemingly lesser form of existence as a woman. Then, spinsters were a phenomenon. Today, we are almost the norm. With fewer male prospects our age, a higher rate of divorce, and even personal choice, women in their 40s, 50s and 60s are defining their singleness in new terms—terms like self-reliance, autonomy, freedom and unconstraint. Somehow, being happy is no longer dependent on having a partner, whether it’s through personal choice or not. For most, the desire for a committed relationship is still there. Our libidos haven’t actually died and the need for companionship still lingers—as it probably does with any human being. Often, we’ve tried to make
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The Positive Community February 2014
For most, the desire for a committed relationship is still there. Our libidos haven’t actually died and the need for companionship still lingers—as it probably does with any human being marriage happen in our earlier years, wishing and hoping that this time it might happen. But time goes by and fewer prospects appear and we sign a new lease on life and determine to make the most of it, no matter what. Miraculously—if we pay attention—when we reach the point of resolve, a fresh new perspective surfaces. We begin to count our blessings and recognize our talents and Continued on page 66 www.thepositivecommunity.com