Health: The Invisible Workload of Mothers

By Mary Jane Bogle Pop Quiz !

• How many rolls of toilet paper are left in the bathroom cabinet? • When are summer soccer sign-ups? The school play?

Piano recital? • Where does your child fit on the pediatrician’s growth chart? • When is the next dentist appointment? (BONUS: What’s your child’s favorite toothpaste and how often does brushing really happen?)

If you’re a mom, you likely know the answer to each of these questions, plus thousands more. You not only know what’s for dinner every night this week, but you also know each kid’s favorite foods and have balanced the meal plan so everyone gets something they really like at least once. You also know what’s in the pantry and what you need to buy to make said meals.

Dads? Not so much. It’s not that dads care less about the specifics of running a household. But the fact is, for the most part, women are the ones who manage what is known as the “invisible workload”– the thousands of tiny details that keep the family going each day.

Those details aren’t just a giant to-do list, either. The invisible workload includes emotional and mental strain, as well. It’s all those nagging worries that keep moms up late at night. Is my child making friends? Are my kids getting the nutrition they really need? How much physical activity did we fit in the schedule this week? Are we relying on screen time too much? What books are they reading? You get the idea.

To be fair, most of us had a pretty good idea that we would be the ones handling these details when we became parents, and we wouldn’t trade our families for anything. But that doesn’t mean resentment can’t creep in as the reality of just how much we carry really hits home. How can we manage these details—or ask for help—without sounding like a complete nag? Here are a few ideas to discuss with your family that can help lighten the load:

• Manage expectations. Do each of the kids really need to be involved in three sports, plus summer camp, plus music lessons, plus…? Cutting down on expectations and activities can make a world of difference and give everyone—including mom—some breathing room.

• Divide and conquer. Imagine making dinner and walking away from the kitchen, leaving the kids—or dad—to clean up the mess. At our house, we all do our own laundry. No more questions about lost uniforms or favorite jeans.

Knowing who does what, with clear expectations in advance, is huge.

• There’s an app for that. No, seriously, you can choose from a ton of apps to help manage lists and calendars. Cozi, Siri, Alexa and Evernote are just a few that can keep up with the grocery list and help everyone stay on track of shared calendars.

• Make time for you. Before dismissing this idea as impossible, consider the brain benefits of completely unplugging for an hour each week, or a few minutes each day. I recently started distance running. You’d be amazed at the solutions I discover while out on the trail. And don’t forget the value of scripture/motivational reading and prayer. Plugging in to a higher power can bring peace, even in the midst of all the crazy we love and hate each day. a

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