Motherhood: How To Talk About Sex and Relationships

By Deborah C. Gerbers

Sex. It’s a dreaded topic of discussion for many parents, yet a crucial one to address with children. It can be difficult to navigate sex, puberty and relationships with your kids, but there are age-appropriate ways to broach the subject. We consulted with a local expert to give you some tips on talking to your kids about sex.

Dr. Jenny Seiss is a licensed clinical psychologist and managing partner with Oaktree Guidance & Wellness Center in Fort Wayne. She advises parents to start a conversation about sex by using things that come up in music or television.

“Ask children what their thoughts are about sex, stay curious and LISTEN,” she said. “Too often as parents we want to cram in all the values and morals we have in hopes of persuading our children to take them as their own and out of fear that they will make mistakes. While it is important to share our values and morals with our children, it is also important that our children feel heard and respected and are allowed to have their own thoughts. The root of the word education is ‘educare’ which means to draw forth. Ask children what and how questions instead of telling them what and how reasons.”

Dr. Seiss also recommends that parents start talking with their children about sex early.

“Always answer questions as honestly, clearly and simply as you can,” she said. “Younger children will ask more questions if your answer is too simple, or they will stop when they have enough information. As children’s bodies begin to change, they will become more curious about their own and other’s bodies. Provide resources like books about their development, puberty and sex. There are several good resources available.”

Parents may wonder how they can keep an open conversation with kids about sex and relationships in a world that is so socially media influenced. Listening is key, according to Dr. Seiss.

“It’s important to keep the lines of communication open by staying curious and really listening to our children,” she said. “The more judgment or pressure we put on them to adopt rigid ideas of right and wrong, the more they will hesitate to talk to us. Ask questions like, ‘What do you think about that?’” As kids grow into pre-teens and teenagers, peer pressure becomes a more prevalent issue. Continuing to talk to them as they navigate their journey of maturation will increase the likelihood of them being open as well.

“The more we can keep the lines of communication open, the more likely it is that our kids will talk to us,” said Dr. Seiss. “It’s important to really know who each of our children are and not to react out of fear of what we don’t want them to do or be.”

If you’re still unsure about how to talk to your kids about sex, do some reading and research from experts in the field.

“There are several books and resources available to parents and teens about this topic,” said Dr. Seiss. “Take time to learn how to have these difficult conversations and stay intentional about your relationship with them.” a

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