The 4-1-1 on Love Languages

The 4-1-1 on

LANGUAGES

by Mary Jane Bogle

Whether we’re living as singles or are deeply committed to a lifelong partner, everyone longs for meaningful connections. Making those connections and keeping them strong, however, are two different stories entirely. Most people have experienced that magnetic pull to another person, only to discover that the passion fades with time.

But what if you could renew that spark without the angry silences, confused conversations or hurt feelings? The answer, of course, is that you can. You just need to learn how to speak a new language.

While that task might sound overwhelming, learning the five basic love languages is actually much simpler than your days in high school French, Spanish or German class. First developed by marriage counselor Gary Chapman in 2007, the “love language” concepts have saved countless relationships and spun off to include books for couples, singles, military families, kids and teens. According to Chapman, different people express love in different ways. Whether through Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time or Physical Touch, most people prefer at least one love language to all the others— and that’s where things get interesting.

Most of us give love the way we want to receive it. Unfortunately, few relationships match love language to love language, which means you might be showering your significant other with gifts, when what they really want is for you to offer to do the dishes or clean up the playroom. Likewise, you might long for encouragement and words of affirmation, only to be frustrated Want to know your love language—and that of your significant other? Look no further than Chapman’s website, 5lovelanguages.com. Here, you can take a brief “love language” quiz, learn more about each love language and gain practical tips on how to shower that special someone with love in a way that is deeply personal and highly fulfilling. Otherwise, you might just be speaking Mandarin to someone whose native tongue is Swahili. No matter how compelling your message, they may never receive the full impact of your words.

To prevent such miscommunication, here’s a quick 4-1-1 on the five languages of love:

WORD OF AFFIRMATION

This person thrives on praise. Insults can leave this person feeling worthless, but kind, encouraging words bring life and joy.

ACTS OF SERVICE

Mopping the floor might not be romantic to you, but offering to ease the burden of someone who speaks this love language will make them feel valued in ways that diamonds never will.

RECEIVING GIFTS

For this person, it’s not just the gift but the care and thoughtfulness behind it that matter most.

QUALITY TIME

Turn off the TV, ignore the phone and put the rest of the world on hold if you want to touch this person’s heart.

PHYSICAL TOUCH

Hugs, thoughtful touches and holding hands are vital if this person is to feel close and connected to you. a photos: shutterstock.com