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THE NATION ON SUNDAY FEBRUARY 26, 2012
Arts & Life
SUNNY SIDE
Cartoons
By Olubanwo Fagbemi deewalebf@yahoo.com 08060343214 (SMS only)
POLITICKLE
Some people should not die
CHEEK BY JOWL
OH, LIFE!
THE GReggs
Fame is a bee, It has a song – It has a sting – Ah, too, it has a wing. — Emily Dickinson “‘I HAVE everything’, ‘I have nothing’, ‘I have everything’, ‘I have nothing’ …,” read the visiting cousin after picking up the empty case of a cassette of mixed recorded music. Cousin could not understand why anyone would want a cassette full of just two tracks by the same artiste. But the writer could, as well as the friend who lent the cassette – for such was the enduring charm of Whitney Houston who was buried last week in New Jersey a week after she was found lifeless in a bathtub at the Beverly Hilton hotel in California. The 48 year-old’s funeral was followed worldwide and attended by a galaxy of stars including Kevin Costner, her co-star in the film, The Bodyguard. The cause of death may not be known for several weeks until toxicology tests are released. The demise of the star struck a sad chord in the writer and he finds himself fiddling with yet another lost string on his musical side – the first and infinitely disappointing being favourite, Michael Jackson. Perhaps the most famous voices of the eighties and nineties, Michael and Whitney enlivened dreary mornings and serenaded dull nights; but it is of the latter that the writer is more concerned today. Whitney was not just a great voice – she was the voice. With more than 170 million albums, singles and videos sold, the six-time Grammy award winner was one of the world’s best selling artistes. Mentored by original diva, Aretha Franklin, Whitney inspired Alicia Keys, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Beyonce, Rihanna and other contemporary divas with her powerful and effortless voice. Her initial decision not to follow the more soulful style of Aretha and other predecessors, however, drew criticism by some who saw her as playing down her black roots for pop music favoured by white audiences. She eventually transformed into an enduring diva while unleashing an unforgettable string of hits including Saving All My Love for You, How Will I Know, You Give Good Love, The Greatest Love of All, Where Do Broken Hearts Go and I Wanna Dance with Somebody. Big screen score I Will Always Love You, a remake of Dolly Parton’s timeless hit, predated similar accomplishments. Long-time followers will also not forget in a hurry her inspired rendition of the American anthem, The Star Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl venue of the American football league final, during the first Gulf War in 1991. The moving performance set a new standard and reaffirmed her standing as America’s darling. But Whitney punctuated her career highs with drug abuse and blamed her troubled marriage on partner Bobby Brown. As the end neared, there were missed concert dates, a stop at an airport due to drugs, and public meltdowns. A world tour launched overseas confirmed suspicions that Houston had lost her treasured gift, as she failed to hit notes and left many fans disenchanted. If the public stared and mocked as Whitney sank to the depths of abuse and despair, shall we now solely blame the individual? The writer thinks not. The best memorial to her life is acknowledgment that she came as flawed as the greatest of them: Achilles, Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, Joan of Arc, Mohammed Ali and Jackson of the serial child molestation scandals; and like them, gave much more than any bargained for. Even Ghandi, the meekest of the pantheon of mythological and real idols, was not free of a vice or two. There is thus great merit in the thought that the souls of the gifted feed on vices to the extent of tragedy. Besides, millions of ordinary folk demonstrate worse demeanour under the shelter of anonymity. Shall we not choose then to downplay failing for the exquisite experience of Whitney’s voice? That is a sentiment clearly supported by her mentor Clive Davis. “You wait for a voice like that for a lifetime,” he said. Whitney will be remembered by daughter Bobbi Christina, 18, from her failed marriage to Bobby Brown, her mother Cissy (father Russell Houston, Jr. passed away in 2003), cousin and fellow diva Dionne Warwick, as well as fans across the world. She will always be our baby.
Jokes Humour Tipsy Analogy A HERD of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
The chief says to the first guy, “As punishment for trespassing I give you a choice, death or Frum Frum.” Not wanting to die, he picks Frum Frum. He is then beaten and clobbered to unconsciousness in front of his friend. Asked to choose his punishment the second man says, “I’d rather die than suffer that.” The chief says, “Great, death it is – death by Frum Frum!”
Ready Customer
A FELLOW getting a shave asked a rather rough barber if he had another blade. “Why?” asked the barber, “Is there something wrong with this one?” “I don’t know,” replied the customer. “But I would appreciate a chance to defend myself.”
Frum Frum
QUOTE
TWO guys get stuck on a desert island. They are soon caught by the natives and brought to a village and put before the chief.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. —Napoleon Bonaparte •Culled from the Internet
U
SING a structure: Writer ’s Broth There is no one right then to push him out a window so he can enjoy the structure for a book any more than there is one right structure for a inner courtyard. house. Some will be linear, and take the reader Use strong verbs and nouns: step by step directly through to a conclusion like a The verbs are the action words. They put things in motion. Make yours as strong as possible. long hallway opening into an inner courtyard. The verb to be (am, is, are, was, were) puddles on Others will feature a spiralling staircase that takes the reader around and around the topic, al- the floor. Eliminate it wherever possible. In English ways climbing higher to the secret chamber at the we can’t leave verbs out of our sentences, but we top, or to the rooftop view where everything be- can make those we use work hard for us. Nouns name the people, places, and things in comes clear. The fair thing to do is to use a reasonable route to the destination. It’s unfair to take our world. English has multiple words for almost your reader up the staircase to the fourth floor and everything. A male parent can be father, dad, pop, daddy, the old man, pater, progenitor, sire, begetter, Some things you should know: conceiver, governor, abba, papa, pa, pap, pappy, •Walt Disney, the creator of Mickey Mouse, pops, daddums, patriarch, paterfamilias, stepfather, was afraid of mice while Thomas Edison, the foster father, and other family nicknames. Choose light bulb inventor, was afraid of the dark! the noun that does the best work for you. •Google (or googol) is actually the common Short words are usually best. They have more name for a number with a million zeros. punch. They hit the gut hard. •The verb “cleave” is the only English word Be wary of adverbs and adjectives: with two synonyms which are antonyms of If your verbs and nouns are strong, you can get rid each other: adhere and separate. of many adverbs or adjectives. Don’t know what •Peanuts are one of the ingredients in they are? They are the “describing words” your dynamite. elementary school teachers told you to use to make •Every three months our bone cells are your writing “more interesting.” completely replaced. Be particularly wary of words ending with -ly.