The Mission Fly Fishing Magazine Issue #30

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the next generation

T&T Ambassadors Jose and Parker Ucan spending time together in their home waters of the Yucatan Peninsula. Legendary guide Jose is patiently imparting his love of fishing to 8 year old son Parker who at such a young age has already landed a Permit on Fly. Handing down our knowledge and passion for the outdoors to the next generation is key to the survival and growth of flyfishing. At T&T we see a world of possibilities out there and believe the next generation should too.

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W W W . T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M ISSUE 30 NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2021

CONTENTS Cover: River of Shit, by Conrad Botes.

34 GOLDEN THREADS 1 x spiffy new range of clobber, 3 x angler/shmodels and 1 x mystic spirit animal wearing the cap of shame. We teamed up with Jeep Apparel for a mission to the Orange.

48 NO TIME TO DIE As Jazz Kuschke recounts in this round-up of near-fatal encounters - from oceanic rips, to hippo lips and psychedelic scorpion trips - fly fishing can kill you. User discretion is advised.

56 THE EXPEDITION DOCTOR If you’re deep in the bundus and disaster strikes, a first aid kit is essential. David Attenborough’s expedition doctor, Patrick Avery, breaks down what he packs to keep crew members fighting fit no matter how remote the destination.

64 HOUSEBOUND Swopping their homes in rainy locked-down Cape Town for a houseboat on the Okavango, Tudor Caradoc-Davies and crew forgot the real world for a moment and hit the barbel run for tigerfish.

76 DROP THE MICE Bushveld yellows = highly technical nymphing, right? Yes, but if you’re Craig Pappin you’ll also lob mouse flies designed for taimen at them.

REGULAR FEATURES 14 Ed’s Letter 18 Chum 20 Wish List Fish 22 Booze, Beats & Munchies

26 High Fives 84 Salad Bar 90 Pay Day 94 Lifer 100 Guide Room Bingo

Declarations of love, proclamations of sexual prowess and creative insults are inscribed like modern day cave paintings on a road sign at Onseepkans, Northern Cape, South Africa. (Page 34)

www.jeepapparel.co.za

Jeep, the jeep grille and related logos, vehicle model names and trade dress are trademarks of FCA US LLC and used under license by Reviva Technology Pty Ltd. © 2021 FCA US LLC.

Gear that Goes Anywhere.

Does Anything.

1941-2021

CELEBRATING 80 YEARS OF ADVENTURE

Tudor Caradoc-Davies

ED’S LETTER W

e’ve been on a helluva ride over the last five years.

30 deadlines. Some missed, most nailed. A ton of harebrained schemes devised in person, on WhatsApp, or other platforms, the majority of which came to fruition. Through stories and photos, films and interviews, in vaguely accurate, mostly chronological order, we’ve covered the following: Carp on Stompie Flies at the Castle, Smallmouth Bass, Vaal hatch junkies, Keith Rose-Innes, Mark Murray, John Barr’s Meatwhistle, Tony Kietzman, Wolf Barbs, Christiaan Pretorius, Geelbek at night, Paarl Panthers, Trevor Sithole, Jako Lucas, Spotted Grunter, Ray Montoya, Redfin Minnows, Matt Gorlei, Clash of Clans, Arno Matthee, Poons in Gabon, Flats Box Construction, Ed Truter, Murray Cod, Collen Tshabangu, Stillwater Trout, Djibouti, The Legend of Lesotho’s Fuck You Valley, Jono Shales, Bob Clouser, Tom Sutcliffe, Gurnard, Stripers at JFK, James Topham, Baberman, Bream in Cyprus’s DMZ, Low-riding Avocado Salma Hayek, Visiting Lefty Kreh, Da Riddim Stick, The Motivational Carrot and The Black Mamba, Spongebobs, Marco Pierre White, Wolf Fish, Taba “West” Phiri, Grunter on the Sand, Stephan Dombaj, Bushveld Yellows, Kamchatka, Cane Poon, Joe Blados’ Crease Flies, Danie Pienaar, Natal Scalies, Snoek, Craig Richardson, Queens of the Desert, Exmouth, Colorado, Fishing Scientist JD Filmalter, Cape Rock & Surf, the Balbyter, Pat Cohen, Namibian Steenbras, Brook trout and eels in New Zealand, a DIY Death March, Francois Botha, Forest Trout, Mongolia, Eduardo Garcia, backstage at Astove, The Reaper, Dale Steyn, African Pike, A Rite of Bassas, Orange.Free.State, The RasMad Rollercoaster, Jurassick, Destinations & Douchebags, Beetlemania, Guy Ferguson, Belman, JP Samuelson, Mangar in Iran, Nile perch in Cameroon, Oliver White, Jay Smit, Halibut, Irish Sea Trout, Umgeni, Nic Schwerdtfeger, The 40-Year-Old Flats Virgin, Rolf Nylinder, Beach Fishing on Fat Bikes, the Lalu Bug, Marcelo Perez, Ocean Plastics, Humpback Bream, the Vaal, Stu Harley, the Horn of Africa, Treasure Island at Astove, Mark Yelland, Meredith McCord, Sardinata, Batoka Gorge, Gareth Reid, Chasing Natives, Jeremy Block, The Pentz Predator, Chobe Tigers, Ed Herbst, Giant Emperor Cichlids, the Witte, Simon Hunter Bunn, Patagonia, Tim Rajeff, Mr Joe (aka Pharaoh Djoser), Arno van Der Nest, Kakbroek Kloof, Wels Catfish, Milan Germishuizen, Barotse Floodplains, Ndungu, St Francois, Jeff Currier, Ian Couryer, Wildeperd, the Berg, Sudan, Nick van Rensburg, Nigeria’s Quiet Corner, Cape Streams, Bhutan Mahseer, Split-Screen Photography, Bob Skinstad, Greenhead Tilapia, the Reisa, Jeremy Rochester, Oman, Riverhorse Nakadate, Spanish Barbel, Tierra del Fuego, Avroy Shlain, Tusk Fish, Thembane William Tatse, Sioma Falls Tigers, Kenyan Jungle Trout, Footloose in Fiji, Bob Popovics, Kalahari Largemouth Yellowfish Conservancy, Henkie Altena, Sawai, Johann du Preez, St Brandon’s, Witvis, Montana, Chris Clemes, Legless at Lakies, Linda Gorlei, Machaca, Andrew Apsey, Garth Wellman, Cosmoledo Christmas, Cameron Mortenson,

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Matt Smythe, Sobaity Seabream, Anthea Piater, British Columbia, Florida Everglades, Herman Botes, Foam Dungeons, the Falklands Mullet, Ed Ghaui, Mark Krige, Wyoming’s North Platte, Alex Atala, Purple Labeo, Shaun Futter, Somerset East, Chiselmouth, Dan Factor, Germany & Austria, Barramundi in Australia, Largemouth Bass, Blue Kurper, Brendan Becker, Riders on the Storm, Socotra, Pongola Tigers, Gordon van Der Spuy, Bulkheads, Steve McGown, Seabass, Platon Trakoshis, The Feathers Award, Thrift, Santer, Injasuti, Clem Sunter, Ocean Triggerfish, Scot de Bruyn, the Rewa Rodeo, Slamboo, Leervis Taxonomy, Dave Walker, Calico Bass, Luke van den Heever, Float Tube Kob, Long Reef, Jess McGlothlin, Poivre, Mike Fay, Leigh Perkins, Tim Leppan, Rhodes, Farquhar, Chinko Goliath tigers, Derek Smith, MC Coetzer, Basie Vosloo, Alex Waller, Spaghetti Worms, Jeremy Shelton, Zandvlei, Bucknuts and John Thoabala.

Despite all that we feel like we’ve barely scratched the surface of what we want to do.

We’ve aged, possibly matured too, and we have also learned a lot as a magazine, a business and as individuals. When I talk about the “we” or “us” that makes up The Mission, it’s a tiny team. I’m talking about me and my two phenomenal partners from the start, Art Director Brendan Body and Spirit Animal/ Editor-At-Large Conrad Botes. I’m also talking about my wife Ingrid who handles admin, accounts, strategy and other matters, my mother Gill a former journo who subs the mag and Dougie who does distribution. Then there’s the enormous contributions from the Feathers & Fluoro crew (Len, Fred, Jazz, Pete, Dre, Pla, Ewan, LeRoy, JD and Gerald), plus several other regular legends too numerous to name. Thanks to everyone.

Thanks also to the brands that understood we do things a little differently and took a chance on a leftfield South African startup fly mag, manned by oddballs who decided to put out a high-quality, glossy read and to make it free, both in print and digital formats. Without your willingness to play on the stage we’ve built, we would not have come this far.

Last, but not least there’s you dear reader. We’ve thrown some weird and wonderful ideas at you and you not only deigned to read them, but many of you became rabid fans who engage with and support us every step of the way. Without you, we simply would not exist.

It’s been a mission, obviously, but that was always the point. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. The journey is what’s made the last five years amazing and we wouldn’t change a thing about it.

Here’s to another 95.

Thanks for reading.

W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

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T H E M I S S I O N F LY M AG. C O M

Conrad Botes may look like he is urinating on Brendan Body’s head in this outtake from our issue 1 cover shoot, but he is in fact trying to steer a carp from the Castle of Good Hope’s moat into a net. Moments later SANDF troops kicked us off the grounds of South Africa’s sleepiest National Key Point. Photo Oliver Kruger.

EDITOR Tudor Caradoc-Davies ART DIRECTOR Brendan Body CONTACT THE MISSION The Mission Fly Fishing Mag (PTY) Ltd 25 Firth Road, Rondebosch, 7700, Cape Town, South Africa info@themissionflymag.com www.themissionflymag.com

EDITOR AT LARGE Conrad Botes COPY EDITOR Gillian Caradoc-Davies ADVERTISING SALES tudor@themissionflymag.com

CONTRIBUTORS #30 Ed Herbst, Rob Scott, Odette Kleynhans, Bertus Basson, Paul Pablo Freysen, Nic Isabelle, Patrick Avery, Craig Pappin, David Poole, Jazz Kuschke, Francois Botha, Jonathan Boulton, Andreas Linz, Andy Coetzee, Ryan Wienand, Riaan Heyns PHOTOGRAPHERS #30 Ryan Janssens, Gabriel Botha, Platon Trakoshis, Andre van Wyk, Patrick Avery, Craig Pappin, James Topham, Flycastaway, Odette Kleynhans, GoldFish, African Waters Cover artwork by Conrad Botes

THE MISSION IS PUBLISHED 6 TIMES A YEAR. THE MISSION WILL WELCOME CONTENT AND PHOTOS. WE WILL REVIEW THE CONTRIBUTION AND ASSESS WHETHER OR NOT IT CAN BE USED AS PRINT OR ONLINE CONTENT. THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN THIS MAGAZINE ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE MAGAZINE OR ITS OWNERS. THE MISSION IS THE COPYRIGHT OF SOUTIE PRESS (PTY) LTD. ANY DUPLICATION OF THIS MAGAZINE, FOR MEDIA OR SALE ACTIVITY, WILL RESULT IN LEGAL ACTION ……AND THE CULPRIT BEING STRAPPED TO THE FRONT OF RYAN WIENAND’S BOAT AS HE RUNS A GAUNTLET OF HIPPOS ON THE RUFIJI RIVER IN TANZANIA.

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W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

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CHUM

THE FEATHERS AWARD, NEW CLOBBER, AN EISHKOM DODGE, A SMALLSTREAM ROD, BOOTS, HOOLIGANS & MORE

ENTER… … the second iteration of THE FEATHERS AWARDS if you have caught a fish on the African continent that’s worth bragging about. We’re not just talking about big fish, though those do earn some solid points. We’re looking for any catch that is remarkable, whether it’s massive, rare or incredibly difficult to pull off on fly. Have you managed to catch a behemoth gundu (page 20) or maybe huge Niger barbs like last year’s winner Ed Ghaui? Perhaps you have climbed down a sheer cliff face to target jutjaw like Jimmy Eagleton or managed to nail a bellman on fly like Jannie Visser. Send a photo and a short description of what went down to info@themissionflymag.com

CHECK OUT… … Fly Revolution a new entry into the local fly fishing scene. A collab between chommies Kyle Ovens and Gavin Schneider, Fly Revolution have a great selection of caps, Ts, Basotho-inspired technical hoodies and bespoke flies by some of South Africa’s best fly tyers, like LeRoy Botha, Philip Meyer and Gordon van der Spuy. flyrevolution.co.za

SWITCH ON… … with Denise van Wyk’s fly tying light pouches. As Ed Herbst writes, “With South Africa’s coal-fired power stations in urgent need of repair and the return of daily two-hour periods of electricity-free ‘load shedding’, South African fly tyers need a specifically-designed rechargeable lamp to enable them to continue working during these periods of enforced darkness. Denise van Wyk – @ denise_flyfish of @hooksundercover has the answer. It’s ideal – compact and well-engineered and fits any vise stem. It comes in a case the size of a toiletry bag which is sewn by her mom. It would work just as well in a wilderness setting because it can be charged with a solar panel. Her father was an engineer in the mining sector and it shows - in her choice of components and the basic design concept. The prototypes were tested by professional fly tyer and guide @anthea.piater.” You can contact Denise at denisevanwyk@ gmail.com or through her Instagram pages.

18

FOLLOW… … the hooligan running Durban Recrimerrcial, possibly the funniest local fishing Instagram account. Sure, it’s not fly fishing specific, but the memework is out of the top drawer. instagram.com/durbanrecrimmercial

W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

LUST AFTER AND TRY WIN… … Ed Herbst’s Ultimate Small Stream Rod. Derek Smith (right) who has been building synthetic fly rods for more than three decades has taken on a new challenge and it’s all in aid of a very special charitable cause – raising funds for a new emergency room at the Red Cross War Memorial Children’s Hospital in Cape Town. He has agreed to a request from revered South African fly fishing expert Ed Herbst to build a special rod specifically aimed at small stream fly fishing. It will be based on a one piece, fiberglass 3-weight blank made by CTS in New Zealand.

The goal will be to build a low-mass, low-flash rod with the ‘Palm Grip’ as defined by Cape Town split cane rod maker, Stephen Boshoff. The basic details can be found in Ed’s article ‘The Search for the Ultimate Small Stream Fly Rod’ on Tom Sutcliffe’s ‘Spirit of Fly Fishing’ website. Details of the raffle - which will be held just before Christmas - will be carried on Tom’s monthly newsletter – if you would like to subscribe, email him at sutcliffe@mweb.co.za

DROOL OVER… … the Vans Ultrarange EXO HI Gore-Tex MTE 3. These good-looking, lightweight, all-weather boots feature the UltraRange EXO MTE-3 outsole with All-Trac™ all-weather rubber for maximum traction, a GORE-TEX internal bootie waterproof membrane that allows moisture to escape while keeping you dry and 3M Thinsulate™ insulation for warmth without weight. They also sport a triple-density UltraCush™ EVA midsole with molded heel and toe protection and a molded asymmetrical TPU arch cradle for comfort and support. As more and more non-fly fishing brands get deeper into the outdoor market, it’s just a matter of time till BIG SNEAKER puts out a wading boot. vans.com

YOUR FISHING FUTURE ACCORDING TO YOUR STAR SIGN AS READ BY BABERMAN, THE LEGENDARY GRUMPY CATFISH

Sagittarius (The Archer): November 22 – December 21 Somewhat conveniently, you’re referred to as ‘The Archer’, yet your symbol is actually a Centaur (notorious drinkers of the ancient world), half man, half horse, armed with a bow and arrow.

So your mother was a mare, your father smelled of Klippies and you were raised by a Bronze Age militia. Cool, cool, cool. You love to travel but are almost impossible to keep up with what with the four-legged perambulation advantage. At least you have a sense of humour and can nail a bow and arrow cast.

Scorpio (The Scorpion): October 23 – November 21 You’re an interesting little creature aren’t you? Your symbol is a blerrie scorpion, but you are actually a water sign. You are a longgamer, who likes power and planning, which is why you are happy to hide in a bush on the edge of a pool for three hours waiting for the right fish to pass. Then you vat hom! You’re also the star sign most closely linked to genitals. We didn’t call you a dickhead, but there’s a sting in the tail of 2021 for you so somebody else definitely will over the festive season.

Capricorn (Goat): December 22 – January 19 A seagoat with big-ass horns on top and a mermaid tail for the bottom half Capricorns are the perfect non-binary surf and turf star-sign. Great leaders, good at climbing, prominent lateral lines and a solid bleat, you’re also a leeeetle intense and overly business-like. We advise taking a break from the workaholic vibes and take a fly fishing chill pill in the weeks ahead. Do that, and as Baberman, I will ensure you catch something that reinforces your rep as the G.O.A.T.

THE BABER SCOPE

WISH LIST FISH

GUNDU

R O B S C O T T , O F A F R I C A N WAT E R S , A N D F I S H N E R D R U S S E L B R I A N TAT E W E I G H I N O N G U N D U , O N E O F T H E W E I R D E R F I S H S P E C I E S C A U G H T I N TA N Z A N I A N R I V E R S .

Tiger + Grass carp + Hollywood pearly whites = Gundu, the species you never knew you lusted after.

WHAT: Rob says, “As a species, gundu are a bit of an enigma.

A strange fish that we don’t know much about, gundu sport a tigerfish’s body with what looks like a grass carp’s mouth. They also possess the most bizarre human-like teeth. We’ve only ever caught a couple of big ones (the biggest weighing 16lbs) in the 14 years we have been fishing these Tanzanian rivers. The rest have been two to four pounds.”

of a tiger and a gundu , resulting in an infertile fish that showed a lot of growth through hybrid vigour. Obviously, there is zero way for us to prove that, outside of fishing for another 14 years and hoping to catch another big one, while having a scientist on standby.”

What exactly is a gundu? Truth is, there is no definitive answer so far. Scientist, hydrologist and eco-toxicologist, Russel Brian Tate, says that of the two main species it could be - Brycinus macrolepidotus and Alestes macrophthalmus - the gundu in this picture is much bigger than the maximum size for either species.

Therefore, it’s either a massive specimen or it’s something else.

For now, he’s leaning towards Alestes macrophthalmus.

HOW: Rob says, “Most of the gundu we have caught were on clousers in deep slow corners where they would congregate on a seamline. The few big ones we have caught were 100 percent random. The 16 pounder was caught in a fast shallow rapid over rocks. The second biggest one we caught was in a deep slow pool over sand. The truth is, we’re not really sure what they feed on. Sometimes we see them head and tailing like baby tarpon in some areas. We’d puzzle over them wondering if they were eating something off the surface with those funny human teeth.”

Rob has another theory that he admits is unsubstantiated. “We have spent a lot of time speculating about why we have caught so many small ones and so few big ones. The one theory is that they may be either a completely different species, or a hybrid

20

WHERE: The Mnyera and Ruhudji Rivers, Tanzania.

WHO: Your best bet is to visit Dhala or Samaki camps run by the African Waters team in Tanzania. africanwaters.net

W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

Distributed by Xplorer fly fishing www.xplorerflyfishing.co.za contact 031-5647368

FODDER

BOOZE, BEATS THE BEER – KENNEL BREWERY We’re loving the range of beers coming out of Durbanville brewery, The Kennel (thekennelbrewery.beer). The can designs are striking, from the prescription drug pop pack of Take Your Pils Pilsner, to the Garbage Patch Kids horror styling of their The Grass Ain’t Greener NEIPA and the inter-planetary dogwalk of their Tailwagger Extra Pale Ale (a collab with Old Hands Brewery).

However, we are just as smitten by what’s inside. The Tailwagger, in particular, has become a firm favourite. We caught up with The Kennel’s brewer Paul Pablo Freysen.

Do you guys have a specific approach/philosophy when it comes to brewing beer?

I think the first rule for us is, to brew something we ourselves would want to drink, something you are proud to sell. No point in brewing the “it beer” for the season if you are not a fan of the style. I think then that our main philosophy will be stay creative and keep it fun.

Tell us about the collaboration with Old Hands Brewing Co. on the Tailwagger Extra Pale Ale. We organically grew a little and needed another extra hand in the brewery. Braam, who still brewed at Hey Joe at the time, was looking to start something on his own. So we invited him over, started him a little brand named Old Hands Brewing Co. under The Kennel Brand. We’re another family member richer and he has his own brand/label. But we are all still part of the same litter, so to speak.

THE COCKTAIL - KARO BRANDY AFRICAN SIDECAR As made for us by Jeep Apparel’s menswear designer Odette Kleynhans on the banks of the Orange River, this phenomenally tasty cocktail is made with the Karo 13-year-old Cape Brandy, which is distilled under the watchful eye of Master Distiller Kobus Gelderblom at Oude Molen Distillery. It provided a welcome break from the usual beer and braai fare that these sort of trips entail. kinshipspirits.co.za Ingredients - Karo Brandy - Lemons - Orange Liqueur - Fig jam

Your can art is fantastic, who is the brains behind that?

Thanks a lot. Yeah we pride ourselves on the design and can art. Long story short, a good mate and I started a little company called The Kennel Creative. I can’t design for shit, but the creative part seems to be there. Wynand (designer) seems to get and understand my ideas and way of thinking. Sometimes I’ll just send him a beer title and say “Open canvas...and go!”

What can we expect from you in the months to come? Any new releases on the horizon?

At the moment we are searching for a taproom space in the Durbanville area with an exciting liquor licence on the premises.

Other than that, we still definitely have a few new beers coming out for the year and, in December, we will have a big 24 mixed case for the holiday season.

Method - In a shaker add 50mls of Caro Brandy - 20mls of lemon juice - 15mls Orange Liqueur - 1 bar spoon fig jam - Half rim a glass with salt - Shake and fine strain into glass - Garnish with lemon zest

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W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

& MUNCHIES THE BANANA REPUBLIC - BOERIE ROLL A boerie roll is mos a boerie roll, right? Not when awardwinning chef and judge on the Ultimate Braai Master, Bertus Basson, weighs in with a recipe from his brilliant cookbook, Homegrown (bertusbasson.com).

“Boerewors is an essential part of every South African braai and doesn’t go without emotion. No one can resist the smell of a boerie outside the supermarket on a Saturday morning; it is an absolute South African treat.

Boerewors comes in different lengths and sizes and is very region specific. Here in the Western Cape we produce the Grabouw boerewors which has its own spice variety and recipe. The best boerewors roll you’ll ever taste is in the Paarden Eiland Builders Warehouse car park outside Cape Town. Like so many other traditional Afrikaner foods, the boerewors in a roll has been turned by many into an economic survival mechanism. There are many ooms and tannies putting the kids through school or paying the rent by selling boerie rolls at pop-up stalls around the country.

On the first season of the Ultimate Braai Master we had a boerewors cook-off at the Shark Tank in Durban as one of the contestants’ challenges. One of the teams prepared this incredible bacon, banana and garlic mayo boerie roll.

What a combo. I have used it a few times and it really deserves to be preserved for posterity.

Method • Grill the boerewors over medium to low coals or on a gas grill. As the fat drips, there will be some flare-ups and smoke that add to the flavour. Depending on the thickness, cook the wors for 3 minutes per side. Keep it juicy.

• Grill the bacon and banana on the same fire – it should only take a minute.

• Toss the onions through the milk and drain. Mix the flour, salt and paprika and toss the onions in this seasoned flour.

Fry them in a deep fryer at 160°C until golden brown and crisp. Drain on kitchen towel until you need them.

• For the mayo, whisk the yolk, both mustards and vinegar together. Add the oil a little at a time while whisking vigorously. As soon as an emulsion starts to form, you can add the oil a little faster. Whisk until the mayo is firm.

Season with a pinch of salt and lemon juice. Add the water a little at a time to make the mayo creamy. Make in advance, it will keep for a week in the fridge.

• To finish, slice the rolls open, smear generously with the mayo, pop in the wors and top with the grilled bacon and banana, finish with the crisp onions. Feast.

WORS ROLL MUSTARD & GARLIC MAYO 4 x 150 g lengths of boerewors 1 egg yolk 4 hot dog rolls 1 tsp Dijon mustard 2 bananas 1 Tbsp wholegrain mustard 8 rashers bacon 1 tsp vinegar

2 cloves garlic, crushed CRISPY ONIONS 250 ml vegetable oil 2 medium onions, thickly sliced salt 100 ml milk a few drops of fresh lemon juice 15 ml water 100 g flour pinch of salt Banana Republic Boerie serves 4 paprika

THE BEATS – THE DOUBLE O PLAYLISTS From bellowing, “You can’t find love in a hole!” on the Okavango (in reference to Frightened Rabbit’s Keep Yourself Warm), to PJ Harvey’s We Float on the Orange River, here’s what we have had on repeat at The Mission of late.

With thanks to Odette Kleinhans, Andre van Wyk and Milly Souvlaki.

OKAVANGO GOODNESS PLAYLIST – PRESS PLAY ORANGE RIVER PLAYLIST – PRESS PLAY

HIGH FIVES

NIC ISABELLE F R O M E X P L O R I N G I N D I A A N D C AT C H I N G W O R L D R E C O R D M A H S E E R A S A Y O U N G S T E R , T O G R O W I N G U P A N D S P E N D I N G H I S W O R K I N G D AY S O N L O C AT I O N W I T H F LY C A S TAWAY I N P L A C E S L I K E P R O V I D E N C E , ST BRANDON’S OR STERKFONTEIN, NIC ISABELLE HAS A PRETTY SCHWEET LIFE. BEFORE HE RETURNED TO PROVIDENCE FOR THE F I R S T T I M E S I N C E T H E PA N D E M I C H I T, W E C A U G H T U P W I T H H I M F O R T H I S I S S U E ’ S H I G H 5 S .

Photos. Nic Isabelle, FlyCastaway

5 best things about where you guide?

1. Schools of tailing GTs on Providence Atoll, the most incredible saltwater fly fishing spectacle on the planet.

2. Skinny water fly fishing for enormous bonefish on St Brandon’s Atoll. This is quintessential walk-and-stalk sight fishing bliss.

3. Being part of our guide teams of three. I can proudly say that I work with some of the most professional and experienced fly fishing guides in the industry.

4. The MV Maya’s Dugong and its crew – trusty, reliable, and the perfect launch pad for a successful fly-fishing trip to Prov.

5. Dock beers on St Brandon’s Atoll. The re-telling of a fishy tale isn’t the same without an ice-cold yeast in hand.

5 fishing-connected items you don’t leave home without before making a mission?

1. My trusty Canon 80D. Four years of abuse and still shooting like she did on day one.

2. Hand sanitizer. Nothing cleans saltwater and sunblock from your sunglasses as effectively.

3. A pack or two of pocket tissues are your friends. Blow your nose, clean your sunglasses, dry a drowned dry fly and they’re there to help if a sudden urge to shed a pound occurs.

4. Patagonia Tropic Hoodies, making buffs a thing of the past.

5. Bose Sleep buds. We’ve all had to share a small room with a world-class snorer. Get yourself a pair, you’ll thank me for it!

5 bands to listen to while on a road trip?

1. Stick Figure 2. Rainbow Kitten Surprise 3. Dope Lemon 4. Lewis De Mar 5. Radiohead

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5 things you are loving right now 1. Sapiens - A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari.

2. Anything written by Malcom Gladwell.

3. Bulgar wheat. This healthy, easy to make grain is a game changer.

4. Early morning exercise. We fishing guides aren’t known for our healthy habits but there is honestly no better way to start the day.

5. Maui Jim optics. If you can, try the rose lenses. Yes, you’ll see into the future with those!

5 indispensable flies for saltwater?

1. If there was one fly to rule them all it would be a Tan over White Clouser.

2. Merkin Crab. You can get creative with this fly and everything on the flats eats it.

3. Gotcha. It’s simple, effective and easy to tie.

4. Tan Brush fly. I’ve always liked drab-coloured flies while fishing the flats, especially if there is the chance of encountering a real giant.

5. Fleeing Crab. Tied small or large, this fly gets the thumbs up.

5 indispensable flies for freshwater?

1. Natural PTN in #14 2. Natural GRHE #14 3. Black Woolly Bugger #8 4. Dark Dun Shuttlecock #12 5. CDC and Elk Hair Caddis #14 5 favourite fly fishing destinations across South Africa?

1. Sterkfontein Dam. It’s a no brainer with gin-clear water, loads of targets, beautiful scenery and relatively easy to get to.

2. The Vaal River and its tributaries. If you’re in the right place at the right time you’ll experience some pretty

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Like the pro he is, Nic Isabelle pulls off a perfect advanced Single-knee Bluefin Trevally Hangbal. Overall judges’ score 9/10.

world-class fly-fishing opportunities.

3. The Swartberg with its trophy still water trout and small unknown streams stacked to the brim with dry fly obliging rainbows.

4. A few private farm dams in northern Natal to catch huge largemouth bass and a healthy population of poppereating nembwe.

5. Dullstroom. The fishing might be a little tame but the town isn’t, especially after 9pm!

5 favourite fly fishing destinations globally?

1. St Brandon’s Atoll.

As a sight fishing enthusiast, I can confirm that this is a fly-fishing destination everyone should visit at least twice!

2. India. Exploring the foothills of the Himalayas with a fly rod is the epitome of adventure (the fishing was pretty wild too).

3. The upper Zambezi River. Although now a shadow of its former self, I have fond memories of double-digit tigerfish and hangovers that lasted far too long.

4. Farquhar Atoll.

This is a spectacular fly-fishing destination. Fishing and guiding it was a pleasure.

5. Providence Atoll. This is a place so fishy you can’t help but respect that you’ve entered the food chain the second you step foot on its flats.

5 of the most difficult guiding/teaching experiences so far?

1. Your Indian Ocean guide day one. Nothing will prepare you for that.

2. Trying to find fish on Farquhar in hot green water during the days leading to Cyclone Fantala in April 2016.

3. Trying to entertain my two non-English speaking guests while waiting for the tide to free us from the perils of being high and dry (boat not floating due to error of judgement).

4. Anchoring a boat off sand spits can be tricky. Let’s just say boats are heavier than they look.

5. Cleaning algae off the underside of our boats in the Farquhar slipway with the constant thought that one of the pet GTs might decide your feet are worth a nibble!

5 of the best things you have picked up from guiding?

1. A series of Excel spreadsheets that make packing for any trip fast and easy.

2. The appreciation of the natural world, especially those areas that have little or no human interference. Time spent in places like these is priceless.

3. The appreciation of time. Make the most of it.

4. An understanding of what influences fish to behave in the way we like them to. Whether it be Indo-Pacific permit, trophy largemouth yellowfish, or giant trevally, there is always a reason they’re in a certain area at a certain time.

5. A group of friends and connections that spend more time fishing than they probably should. If I don’t know how or where, I definitely know someone who does.

5 of the worst things you have picked up from guiding?

1. A serious mistrust for anything that claims to be waterproof or stainless steel.

2. This 12-month long racoon tan (sunglasses tan) is overrated.

3. Chain smoking on the water. My nerves!

4. I’m always up early even if I don’t need to be.

5. I do not eat anything unless I am absolutely sure I know what it is. Especially fish.

5 flies to pack (in the smuggler kit under your driver’s seat) to cover most species?

1. Tan over White Clouser 2. Black Woolly Bugger 3. Merkin Crab 4. Dark Dun Shuttlecock 5. Hotspot Natural PTN 5 people you would like to guide or fish with?

1. I’d love to spend some time on the flats with my old man. He introduced me to the sport as a six-year-old and the bug certainly bit. Thanks Dad! 2. Alejandro Vega Cruz aka Mr Sandflea. He has a rep for being a flats ninja that shoots laser beams at permit and gets them to eat. A lot.

3. Frank Smethurst. Running Down The Man and Eastern Rises are my two favourite fly fishing films. The man inspired a lot of adventure in my life.

4. Justin Miller. I could totally smoke ciggies, learn a bit of Russian, and pin a steelhead or two in his company.

5. Craig Richardson. Although we’ve spent countless hours fishing and guiding together he’s now US-based and a few weeks in the American West chasing brookies and rainbows would be epic!

5 fish on your species hit list?

1. Tarpon. There’s a reason it’s in the Sistine Chapel.

2. Blue tigerfish (Hydrocynus tanzaniae) – 20lb plus tigers on surface flies, are you kidding me?

3. Atlantic salmon. I love the history and traditions associated with this.

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4. Golden dorado. Bolivia sounds like an adventure on a par with some of the others I’ve been fortunate enough to experience.

5. Clanwilliam yellowfish. They’re the last native yellowfish species left on my hit list.

5 shower thoughts that have occurred to you while fly fishing?

1. How many times have I actually caught the same fish?

There are ways to track this, but it’ll put ghosts in my head that I may never recover from.

2. How often have I been within close proximity of a true giant of any species without knowing it?

3. Can bumphead parrotfish communicate with each other? I’ve watched these fish and there’s something strange going on there.

4. Why do people fish the same places during the same conditions expecting a different result?

5. Of all the species in the world why are Indo-Pacific permit the most useless at evading hungry sharks?! Talk about a fish trying to break your heart every opportunity it gets.

5 of the most underrated species in your book?

1. Sailfish. They’re acrobatic and very, very happy to eat a fly.

2. Milkfish. Nothing beats an end-of-day milkfish session.

3. Smallmouth yellowfish. The big old girls are incredibly strong and difficult to sight fish successfully.

4. Tigerfish. Nothing hits a fly quite like it.

5. Golden trevally. You have to take this species seriously.

The whole process is the same as a permit except it likes to eat flies.

5 things that make where you fish so special?

1. The bits of nature you get to see if you frequent the farflung atolls of the Indian Ocean. Whether it be watching a turtle laying a clutch of eggs in front of your chalet or a tiger shark hunting turtles on the flats. It’s what you watched on National Geographic as a kid except now it’s in real life.

2. The people we get to share these fisheries with. They’re often enjoying the most exciting six days of their year.

The mood and energy is always great.

3. The camaraderie we share in our guide teams during each season. There’s always someone that drops an absolute pearler to lighten the mood when things get tough.

4. The virtually unlimited photographic opportunities available to you. Finding fish forces our focus towards the water and the fish but if you take time to look around you there’s always something interesting happening near a body of fresh or saltwater.

5. The shared moments in the evenings while retelling the stories of the day or the interesting conversation inspired by the ambience of a fire and the odd Scotch.

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“I’M ALWAYS UP EARLY EVEN IF I DON’T NEED TO BE.”

4. 3 cups of clean water and hungry fish 5. A pinch of good company 5 flies that to look at make no sense but that catch fish all the time?

1. Milky dream. It’s caught a long list of species including GTs, bluefin trevally, dogtooth tuna, big eye trevally, bonito, and also a few thousand milkfish.

2. The mop fly, erh.

3. The DDD. This thing really makes no sense but fish Hoover it.

4. Mrs Simpson.

5. Honestly, just about every fly. We go to great lengths to tie realistic patterns yet there is a giant piece of steel sticking out its underside…

5 destinations on your bucket list?

1. Location X. Sight fishing to migratory tarpon is definitely at the top of my list.

2. Tanzania. The African bush will always have a special place in my books. Spending time in this setting while fishing for large tigerfish makes me excited.

3. Bolivia. South American rainforest, various fly fishing scenarios available, giant golden dorado… Yip, sounds good to me.

4. Jurassic Lake. I watched a homemade film of this fishery when I was a teenager and it’s always stuck with me. Since then I’ve acquired the taste for delicious lamb and red wine. Oh yes… and there’s also a healthy population of enormous rainbow trout.

5. Henry’s Fork. I’ve met a fair number of people who have fished there. The stories, history, and community make it one of those places I have to visit.

5 things you would take up if you weren’t always fly fishing?

1. Wing shooting. Much like fly fishing, this sport allows us to spend time in good company outside, in places you would probably never consider visiting.

2. Overlanding – same as the above.

3. Multi-day hiking. I love a bit of a challenge. Why not hike for four days with your house on your back?

4. I would definitely become a droewors (dried beef sausage) connoisseur and make my own, perfectly.

5. Keeping and maintaining a bonsai tree or three. I appreciate this living piece of art.

5 essential ingredients for an incredible mission?

1. 2 cups great food 2. 1 Tbs better coffee 3. 2 Tbs kickass tunes

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5 things about fly fishing that you may never understand?

1. The fact that we’re often willing to risk life and limb to catch a fish.

2. Competitive fly fishing. Isn’t fly fishing supposed to be a relaxing sport?

3. Tenkara fanatics. I’m all for minimalism but this is just taking it too far.

4. Our need to have fly boxes that are completely filled to the brim only to fish two or three patterns consistently.

5. The absolute faith put into fluorocarbon tippet, especially in the freshwater environment.

5 common mistakes that most clients make?

1. Undervalue the importance of casting practice before a trip. The single most important factor between success and failure is your ability to deliver the fly to your target.

2. Although this takes practice, anglers often forget to keep their eye on where your fly is in relation to the fish.

This is really the part that makes sight fishing so exciting.

You can manipulate your retrieve according to the fish’s body language.

3. Showing little interest in catching anything other than the iconic species available. My two cents is - cast at everything, the practice goes a long way when the real deal is encountered.

4. Not cleaning your sunglasses regularly, especially while visiting a sight fishing destination. It’s important that you do everything you can to improve your vision on the flats, riverside, or lakeside.

5. Arriving in one of the most remote destinations on earth without the recommended flies and tackle. We’ve always got gear and flies on location for this reason but surely the pre-trip prep is half the fun?

Your last five casts were to….

1. Stillwater rainbow trout 2. Spring Creek largescale yellowfish 3. Vaal River largemouth yellowfish 4. Vaal River smallmouth yellowfish 5. Common carp

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J E E P A P PA R E L X T H E M I S S I O N

GOLDEN THREADS W E T E A M E D U P W I T H J E E P A P PA R E L F O R A M I S S I O N TO THE ORANGE RIVER. DESPITE LIFE DISHING UP M E TA P H O R I C A L L E M O N S , W I T H B R I L L I A N T N E W C L O B B E R , THREE FISHING SHMODELS WITH MAD SKILLZ AND A SOUPED-UP JEEP WRANGLER SAHARA, WE STILL MANAGED TO MAKE LEMONADE.

By Tudor Caradoc-Davies Photos Ryan Janssens, Gabriel Botha

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omething that’s always bothered me about the Jason Bourne series is how, in the second movie he moves to Goa, India, with his Swiss girlfriend in an attempt to get away from his old life as a CIA assassin and to ensure that nobody finds them ever again. For a smart guy with survival instincts, that was a dumb move. I’ve been to Goa. It’s BUSY. There are lots of tourists, but that does not mean you, as a pair of Caucasians, will meld into the crowd, because there are way more locals. If you’re Jason Bourne, it was always going to be just a matter of time until (SPOILER ALERT), a Russian hitman pops up out of nowhere and tries to kill you and your missus.

Now if Jason had moved to Pofadder in the Northern Cape of South Africa, his chances of living a long, happy, sun-baked life would have increased exponentially. Not only can Matt Damon pass himself off as an Afrikaner (see his role as Bok legend Francois Pienaar in Invictus) thereby ensuring he does not stick out in the far reaches of the Northern Cape but, as a capable guy he could have reinvented himself as a mechanic, a farmer, a professional hermit or a fly -fishing guide on the Orange River.

This was top of mind as we made our way out of Pofadder with just the last stretch of the drive down to Red Rock River Camp at Onseepkans ahead of us. As we rumbled in convoy past the village’s solitary church, hotel and a few grids of neat houses with cactus gardens, we stopped briefly to get ice and a pink tennis visor from the curio shelf that said POFADDER. I said to no one in particular, “I get the sense that if you live in a place like Pofadder, it’s because your family is from here and that is your life. But, if you moved out here, you’re running away from something.”

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“How cute is that? ‘Mariette is lief vir Frikkie want hy n@#i soos a doring.’"

“JEEP APPAREL’S NEW RANGE WAS DESIGNED SO THAT YOU CAN WEAR IT ON THE WATER, IN THE BUSH, OR UP A MOUNTAIN AND THEN FIT BACK INTO SOCIETY AGAIN WITHOUT BEING LABELLED A SARTORIAL PARIAH.”

Bod, my partner in crime on this fine fishing rag, looked across the vast nothingness of desertscape around us and said, “That, or you really just want to spend the rest of your days fishing the Orange River like me.”

Talking of reinventing yourself, that seemed to be the inadvertent theme for this trip. We weren’t filming a Bourne movie, but had rather partnered up with Jeep Apparel, makers of gritty outdoor/urban clobber, who have come out with a new range of clothing that they wanted to test in the field on us. That was why we also had a Jeep Wrangler Sahara 3,6L V6 to play with.

As for our shmodels, Gabriel, Brett and Bod, well they were not Jason Bourne, but they can all fish and they were up to the job of testing the new Jeep Apparel range while fishing. While it wasn’t by design, each of them also embodied the theme of reinvention.

Gabriel was with us because, as shmodels go, he is still in his 20s, good-looking and doesn’t have to think about whether eating those carbs was a good idea. Plus, as an editor and cameraman, he works with Ryan our photographer a lot and had a multi-faceted role to fish, pose and shoot. His reinvention came early when, after studying industrial psychology at Stellenbosch, it dawned on him that that was not going to be the career for him.

He is now sought-after for his filming and editing skills.

As far as modelling credentials go, Brett actually was/is a model so he knew, more than anyone, how to turn on the blue steel vibes. Brett has also reinvented himself a few times from commercial property to publishing magazines (The Lake), to selling fly rods and reels (Taylor). He has found his calling now owning and running 131A Gallery in Cape Town, where every artist worth their salt seems to want to be. Brett fishes a lot, but had little experience of yellowfish and had not been to the Orange before. Gabriel on the other hand has caught plenty on the Vaal and kills it on the Clanwilliam yellowfish front, but had also never made it to the Orange.

The third Orange River virgin was Bod, aka Brendan Body, The Mission’s art director. Bod’s a balaclava model, but he was there because he is 6’6” and looks okay if shot

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with a long lens from a distance. Also, because he would probably have set fire to The Mission offices if he hadn’t been included. An enigma wrapped in a papsak, smoked like a bindi, back when Bod started and ran Session Skateboarding Magazine, he lived in Gauteng where he spent years fishing the Vaal and its tribs for smallmouth and largemouth yellows. Then he moved to the Cape, where he eventually launched The Mission with me and Conrad Botes. Since he’s lived down south he has been obsessed with the trickier cousins of those Vaal fish, the Clanwilliam yellows. However, for a man who never shuts up, the thing he has shut up the least about over the last few years, was a trip to the Orange. So this was something he had been looking forward to for years. Hence the deep thoughts he had about relocating to Pofadder.

When the new apparel was handed out, there was almost a palpable surprise at how well it suited these guys both in terms of how it looked and how it performed on the water.

The new range is a fresh departure from what you might expect from Jeep Apparel’s standard styling of the last few years and is aimed at a crowd that favours versatility in a garment. It was designed so that you can wear it on the water, in the bush, or up a mountain and then fit back into society again without being labelled a sartorial pariah.

If you’ve ever gone straight from fly fishing to a bar or a restaurant, dressed like a piscatorial gnome, a court jester or a rodeo clown, you’ll know what I’m talking about. And while not specifically designed for fly fishing (which usually means doubling the price), this range felt like it might well have been designed with fly fishing in mind. We’re talking quick-dry fabrics with stretch which helps when rockhopping or casting, materials like ripstop for durability and smart detailing from haemostat loops to zippered pockets, perfect for a fly box or a phone.

It’s makes perfect sense that with this new range Jeep would want to appeal to a much bigger target market than just the fly-fishing crowd, but it was interesting to discover that they do in fact have history with fly-fishing clobber. In fact, years ago they kitted out the original Flycastaway team of Gerhard Loubscher, Arno Matthee and Keith Rose-Innes in technical fishing shirts and sponsored a fishing series called Hook, Line and Jeep.

Their new technical shirt worn day-in day-out by Bod,

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IF YOU’RE A CITY SLICKER LIKE US, YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME GAWKING SLACK-JAWED AT THE SCENERY”

Brett and Gabriel, is a more than worthy successor to those earlier styles. It still ticks all the tech shirt boxes – plenty of utility, quick-drying and easy to move in - but boasts a much improved fit and look.

If you’re regular city slickers like us, you find yourself spending a lot of time along the Orange gawking slack-jawed at the scenery, trying to make sense of what you see. The landscape feels truly lunar or Martian and the settlements could easily have been the inspiration for George Lucas’s Tattooine in Star Wars. Piles of ochre boulders ranging from the size of a man to that of a house, form mountains on both the South African and Namibian sides of the river. A green rash of riverine vegetation runs through the desert, its curves swollen by agriculture in places. All along the Onseepkans stretch, there were signs of both initiative and decay. A brand-new rose geranium farm and its expensive-looking equipment all funded by government lies abandoned, while a well-irrigated grape farm looks almost too neat to be real.

The Spanish Mission looked immaculate next to a pile of burnt cans. Dotted here and there were derelict houses that belonged to the original farmers who grew cotton and watermelons up here.

On the first day, like aliens, we probed gently around our new planet, but once we figured out the basics of where to shower, find a canoe and a cold beer, the days quickly found their own routine. Gabriel and Ryan analysed the weather apps with the foreboding of ancient druids reading the entrails of a badger. As we arrived, there was a lowpressure system so when the first day went by with hardly a fish coming to hand, we weren’t entirely surprised, but we weren’t overly upset. The barometer settled and our second day was looking good with the third day earmarked as the winner (in so far as one can get excited about something as unreliable as a fishing prediction based on the weather).

There was life everywhere, from barbel and muddies stuffing around on top, to schools of smallmouth yellows we could spot from atop our canoes. The problem was, we were hardly catching. A juvenile largie here, a barbel or muddy there. The odd smallmouth yellow.

Visually, it looked perfect. Undercut banks against the reeds, deep boulder-dotted seams, threads and braids splitting and re-joining again and again. We tried to target the bigger, slower moving pools, fed from multiple sides upstream by rapids, because it was at the tail-outs that all our more experienced friends and guides had told us we would find good fish.

Above the water, there was a considerable amount of wildlife, which was a little surprising given that we were floating through a desert. Vervet monkeys and baboons let off alarm calls both at us (you get the feeling they’re a lot shyer than the troops closer to the city) and at each other. A pair of fish eagles circled overhead, Giant kingfishers made a beeline for honey holes with the kind of certainty we wish we had ourselves and we interrupted the same Goliath heron on multiple occasions as he moved downstream each time we got close.

Make no mistake about it, the fishing was not on and we were beginning to feel it. The problem with social media is that it’s hard not to compare your trip to images of what has just happened on the Orange River, somewhere else along it’s 2200km length. We’d seen recent trip reports of guys who had blanked hard and others who had been smashing fish, catching behemoth largies in particular. Pre social media, that kind of expectation would never have existed. Now we were burdened by performance anxiety. What if we didn’t catch? There’s a special kind of pressure that comes with a collab like this. Obviously, we’re working together to test the gear and get the shots, but beyond that we needed to catch fish. It’s a heavier need than if we were just fishing on our own. On your own you can have bad luck, bad weather or fish like a poephol and simply write it off to experience. When you need to catch fish to make a collab story, total failure is just not an option.

We queried pressure from the weather, pressure from humans (we found nets along our route), pressure from the massive floods last year and we wondered if maybe there just weren’t that many fish around on this section.

Then we countered our own arguments with the stories we knew of friends who had been here and done well and reassured ourselves about others who had been here and done worse. We gave ourselves pep talks and convinced ourselves over evening campfires or morning coffees that today would be better. It didn’t matter - doubt had crept into our camp.

Bodies too accustomed to sitting at desks get stretched out paddling on each day’s 10km route. There’s a solid age gap between Bod, Brett and myself in our 40s, Ryan in his 30s and Gabriel in his 20s and nowhere was this clearer in who groaned the loudest around the campfire at night.

“WE GAVE OURSELVES PEP TALKS AND CONVINCED OURSELVES OVER EVENING CAMPFIRES OR MORNING COFFEES THAT TODAY WOULD BE BETTER. IT DIDN’T MATTER - DOUBT HAD CREPT INTO OUR CAMP.” 42

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“We’ll never take gold for synchronized swimming at the Olympics if you refuse to mirror my hips!”

The only body not complaining was Brendan Body.

He was in his element, coursing a charge of positivity through the group as he seemed to get stronger, more confident and to fish better with each passing day.

The pink visor of shame which he had won on two consecutive days for losing (and having rescued) his 5-panel cap and for putting his lifejacket on inside out and upside down, was now his by rights, a crown of glory and pride that came out when he started catching fish. He’d become someone else, a symbol of rebirth, Zef Pofadder, the Phoenix, the spirit animal of this trip. Tall and animated, fuelled by brandy sidecars and smokes, each night below the Milky Way and shooting stars he’d strut around the pit braai, kicking up dust like a prehistoric rooster, throwing cave man shadows in the dirt, re-living and re-enacting each and every fish that had come to hand. Every trip needs a lucky talisman and Bod was it.

Still, there was a point with 2km to go on the third and final day, where things were looking dire. Even though the UV protection on Jeep Apparel’s tech shirts kept us cool, under the baking 38° sun it was hot as hell.

Our belief was at an all-time low and there were only a few more solid sections before the take-out point. We came to a section where the river split in two around an island.

On what looked like the deeper, left-hand side we could

see that Gabe had suddenly found a honey hole, catching two good smallies in quick succession and losing a third.

I went down the left, by-passing Gabe from some distance so I could fish the tailout. Bod and Ryan went down the right-hand side. While where they were looked a lot shallower, there was a good channel carving off a sandbank and running up against the reeds.

Ryan got hit first but missed the fish, something with shoulders judging by his anguish. Bod was in first with a largemouth on a black muishond, causing retarded high fives to be thrown and whoops whooped. Ryan missed another, then Bod was on again. This time it was a much bigger smallie, a magnificent pulchritudinous Kardashian of a fish weighing in at 8lbs. He followed that up with another decent smallie.

I watched this play out from about 80m away downstream, too far down to get back up against the current and join them, but not far away enough to be out of earshot.

Desperately bombing out casts of my own, I was happy for them, but also envious as all hell. This was the twist in the tale. A golden thread in the river.

If I’d had earphones on me, it would have been the perfect moment to play the Jason Bourne theme tune.

“BOD HAD BECOME SOMEONE ELSE, A SYMBOL OF REBIRTH, ZEF POFADDER, THE PHOENIX, THE SPIRIT ANIMAL OF THIS TRIP.” 44

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5-PANEL CAP “ONE OF THE BEST 5-PANELS I’VE WORN, I ASKED FOR TWO” - BOD

CITY MOON BAG WILLYS CARGO PANTS

COMFORT STRETCH TWILL CARGO PANTS

J E E P A P PA R E L

SHOP THE MISSION CITY COMMUTER JACKET WATER REPELLENT / PACKABLE / WINDPROOF - R1299 “THE KHAKI COLOR BLOCK JACKET WAS MY GO TO FOR THE TRIP, SUPER LIGHTWEIGHT, STEEZY, DURABLE AND HAS MORE POCKETS THAN A SNOOKER TABLE” - BRETT BELLAIRS

HYBRID HIKER BOOT

UTILITY TECH SHIRTS

QUICK DRY/ UV PROTECTION / MOISTURE MANAGMENT R899 “PERFECT COMBO BETWEEN PRACTICALITY AND FASHION”- GABRIEL BOTHA

COMMUTER BACKPACK

WILLYS MOUNTAIN MAN SHORTS HARDWEARING CANVAS / POSTED INSEAMS. COMFY AROUND THE CAMP FIRE, HARDY ON ON THE RIVER” - BOD

WILLYS TRAIL SHORTS QUICK DRY PACKABLE SHORT “THE SHORTS WERE RAD, PERFECT LENGTH AND GOOD STRETCH MADE NAVIGATING THE RIVER A LOT EASIER” - RYAN JANSSENS

JEEP WRANGLER SAHARA 3,6L V6

JEEP CLASSIC LOGO T 100% COTTON APPLIQUE T

J E E PA P PA R E L . C O. Z A

CLOSE CALLS

NO TIME TO DIE FLY FISHING – GENTEEL SPORT FOR LIMP-WRISTED, TWEED-CL AD, UPPERCL ASS TWITS. RIGHT? TRY AGAIN. AS JAZZ KUSCHKE WRITES, FLY-FISHING CAN RESULT IN SEVERE INJURY OR DEATH, FROM BREAKING BONES IN DISTANT VALLEYS, TO BEING ATTACKED BY TWO-TON PACHYDERMS, STUNG, BITTEN OR WASHED OUT TO SEA. USER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. Photos. Ryan Wienand, Jazz Kuschke, Andreas Linz, Riaan Heyns, Jonathan Boulton, Francois Botha.

“Somewhere along the line, you’re going to get into shit,” says Garth Wellman. “If you fish alone in remote places, it’s only a matter of time.”

Garth is an immensely experienced and well-travelled angler in both salt water and fresh but, in 2019 his luck ran out when he had a bad fall on the Cape streams, breaking his leg in multiple places. Fortunately, Garth was fishing with a partner. “If I had been fishing alone, I would have been in deep. My fishing partner managed to climb out of the valley, run back to the car park, pick up cell reception and call in the troops.”

Even so, it was a mission to get him out. Garth fell at around 5pm, the paramedics got to him at about 8pm and it took the better part of six hours to get him out the valley, into an ambulance and off to hospital.

Garth says, “I learnt a couple of lessons for sure. A: Never fish alone and B: Always be prepared to spend a night out there. Have sufficient clothing, rations and a space blanket to do that. You never know when it might happen.”

Garth was fortunate to get away with his life. So were these fly anglers:

HIP HIP HOORAY

Ryan Wienand and the sea cows of Tanzania

Late one afternoon we were drifting down a section of the Mnyera River in Tanzania where we’d seen a few hippos earlier in the day. We have a section we call Oxbow Lake and it’s very good for tigers. I had just rinsed my hands and grabbed my rod and started casting when we were hit.

There was zero warning. We had no clue the hippo was there. It felt as if an airbag had gone off in my face. It was just this unbelievable force.

The hippo launched the boat vertically and threw me into the air and outward over the railing. Somehow, as this was happening, I managed to claw my way back into the boat

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but, for a moment, the boat was vertical in the air and I was looking down into the hippo’s mouth. I landed with my chest on the railing as the boat came down. I don’t know how, but I managed to get my knees back in on the boat and get my weight backwards, all the while watching this hippo’s mouth, wondering if I was going to land on top of it. It was going to hurt. I winded myself badly on the railing and stayed on my knees for a good five minutes afterwards.

Thankfully, we were on quite a big, heavy boat with a 60 Yamaha on the back. If it had been smaller, there would have been no way we would have stayed upright.

That was crazy enough but then, a year later, it happened again on a small tributary of the Rufiji River. We went up there early one morning – the Rance brothers and I – and headed back in the late afternoon on the small tinny with a 15 horsepower engine on. You know hippos - they’re in the reeds during the morning, but, in the afternoon, they are getting ready to go out and graze. So, when we headed back that afternoon, there were hippos everywhere. I told the boys to sit down on the bottom of the boat, not even on the bench. I used to be a PH (Professional Hunter) so I had my rifle with me and I was on the front.

The next thing, I thought we’d rammed into a rock, it hit us so hard. It was a female that had hit us from the back, on the side. Craig Rance was full of slime and water, because it hit about six inches behind his hand which was holding the back railing. Fortunately, our driver, Saidi, was super-reactive. He locked the engine away from the cow and accelerated so that the back of the boat was now spinning around. The force of the impact knocked me down and I couldn’t get to my rifle. As I looked down the side of the boat, all I saw was the hippo trying to get into the boat, porpoising out of the water. Every time she would just miss the boat because it was accelerating away from her in an arc. She would just touch it and push it away, splashing water over the boat.

The third time she did this, we hit the bank and then Saidi managed to accelerate and get us away from her. That was a much closer shave than the first incident. This cow was attacking us. She wanted to get in the boat and eat us.

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POINT OF NO RETURN Riaan Heyns almost goes too far in the Seychelles I was on Alphonse Island, in the Seychelles. On this particular day, most of the crew had gone to St Francois, but Andrew Apsey and I chose to fish the flats at Alphonse. We split up and I decided I was going to fish Point Tamatave, the south westerly-point of Alphonse, on my own.

I fished the channel close to the island and caught a couple of nice bones and then it started drying up. I walked towards the edge of the reef and I came across a trigger and then the whole ledge just ran dry completely.

I realised I needed to fish on the surf side, so I decided to walk as far as I could along Tamatave while it was dry, then work my way back. I must have been just short of a kilometre from the island, fishing the surf when I found a lovely looking spot. I put on a Flaming Lamborghini and an absolute tank of a bluefin came and smashed it and missed. I changed flies and cast again. No interest.

So, I walked about 50 or 60 m further ahead and let the point rest for a bit. When I put the Flaming Lamborghini back on and cast at the bluefin again… same result. This was the biggest bluefin I’d ever seen and I became absolutely obsessed with it. It made me look like the biggest asshole in the history of man. I was so preoccupied with this fish that I’d let it rest, catch some other fish, come back and do the same thing over and over again. Suddenly the wave action started picking up. I looked behind me and saw that the tide was starting to push in over the lagoon. I thought I’d better start heading back. Then I saw that fish breach again. I turned around and gave it a few more casts, but I was beaten. I let it go and fished on the way back.

After I had walked about 150m on the reef, a reef that was bone dry an hour prior to that, the water was already rushing between my knees and my hips and I knew I was in trouble. It was like a river in flood coming over that reef. If I had to guess, I probably had another kilometre left to walk to get back to Alphonse. When I was about halfway there, I was up to my waist in the water. I’ve got one of these ATG bags that you can inflate and I was thinking, ‘I’m going to use that to stay afloat’, but it looked like the current would take me past the island and I would probably end up on St. Joseph’s. What made it worse was, all of a sudden, there were turtles all around me and lots of lemon sharks. Then I thought, ‘Now all I need is for a tiger shark to come.’

Obviously, the deeper it gets, the slower you walk. I walked like I hadn’t walked before. I was ready to drop my rods and swim for it. I was a few hundred metres from shore and the water was literally up to my shoulders. I was holding my backpack over my head. No one knew I was there. At

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various points I had to tread water a bit just to find some elevated reef. By then I was convinced I was going to die.

When I got to about 200m from shore I felt some sand under my feet and I knew I was near the shallow channel just south of the main island. I tiptoed my way to safety and got out of the water completely exhausted. I trudged up the beach, plonked down on the sand and sat there on the shore under a palm tree trying to process what had just happened. I could hardly believe that I had made it.

All of a sudden, I heard a woman’s voice, ‘’Hey Riaan, you want a beer?’’

I looked around the corner and, in a little bay, I saw two of the wives of our group, sitting in the shallows with a cool box drinking wine. There I was, still coming to terms with surviving this whole ordeal, almost getting eaten, nearly drowning and then two mermaids just nonchalantly offered me a cold beer. It was kind of surreal.

WHEN THE DOWN CHASES THE MAN Andreas Linz tangles with the (wrong) wildlife in Baja A few years ago, I went on a mission to the Baja, Mexico, to target rooster fish. I went to a spot my wife’s uncle’s friend knows. He spends a month up there annually. He sets up a shade cloth camp on the beach with his 4x4 and boat and then fishes. After catching nothing all the first week, I finally connected with my first rooster. That night I went back to the campsite and decided to make a big bonfire on the beach. At that point, it was just me and another old guy in the campsite. He lent me his bakkie (truck) to go into the desert to collect firewood. I came back and started making the bonfire.

Everything was peachy. I’d caught my first rooster; the fire was going; I was sucking back on a few Coronas and having a smoke. As I reached for a piece of firewood to throw on the fire, BAM! something stung me on my thumb.

There, on my thumb, was a little white, creamy-coloured scorpion.

I was kind of pissed by this stage, as was the old guy.

“Bru,” I said, “I’ve just been stung by a scorpion.”

He said, “Did it have big or small pincers?”

“Little pincers.”

“Fuck. That could be a poisonous one.”

Bear in mind, this was Mexico. I didn’t know anything about local critters. A bit like if something bit or stung me in remote parts of Africa, I also wouldn’t have a clue. By then, my whole arm was burning. So I asked the old guy,

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“What do we do now?” There were two options, both crap.

We could either get in the 4 x 4 and drive the four hours to the clinic, or I could just sort of ride it out.

What happened next was this full-on psychedelic dream, where I was walking in the desert towards the sunset holding my mom and dad’s hands.

“What do you wanna do?” he said.

I said, “Okay, let’s just see how it goes.”

I woke up the next morning and my whole left arm was completely numb with pins-and-needles. When I eventually got to the clinic they told me, “You were very lucky, that was a deadly type of scorpion.”

From then on I was just power-drinking Coronas and smoking as the pain started moving up my arm and under my armpit. I was really starting to freak out. The joy of catching the rooster fish was long gone, the booze was taking hold and so I figured I would just drink myself to sleep. I was lying on the sand, looking at the stars and before I knew it, I had passed out.

The numbness lasted two or three days and then the feeling started to come back. We camped on the beach for another three weeks and caught some lekker roosters, ladyfish and snapper.

SINK OR SWIM Andy Coetzee takes a long swim to freedom Around 1996, I was living on North Island in the Seychelles doing some environmental research for Wilderness Safaris.

I was on the island all by myself. Part of the research was to plot the coral reefs and find where the good fishing was. It was May or June and the south-west and south-east monsoons were blowing off Mahe. I had this dodgy rubber duck with a 15 horse-power engine and so I went out into a bit of bumpy surf to the northern point where the wind was blowing from behind me. I was drifting along catching a couple of bluefin and kawakawas, just getting a sense for where the fish were. I ended up a bit far from the island so decided it was time to head back. I pulled the motor but it wouldn’t start.

Now, having looked at the map the night before, I thought if the southeast monsoon blows south-west like this it’s going to blow me on to Somalia. I didn’t have any water or any other gear with me. I just had my fishing rod and my baggies and that was it. And, blow me down, I couldn’t start that motor. My options were to A) jump overboard and swim to the shore (which was about 2km away by then and fast disappearing), or B) tie the rope to my waist and swim with the rubber duck and my fishing tackle, or C) jump over the side with my fishing tackle and abandon ship.

Eventually I chose B), tied the rope around my waist and started swimming. I would swim for, say, 15-20 minutes until I was really tired and then jump back on the boat, try and start it and it would kick in with barely one cylinder and then cut out again. I’d then jump over the side and carry on swimming again.

It took me three hours to get back to the shore. By then I was on the western side where the waves were a little smaller but there was still a swell. To get through the swell without a motor I tied the rope around my waist again and kind of acted like a sea anchor. As a wave came, I would push the boat away from me and it would go in stern first. Eventually I got out. I was very, very shaky, but I survived. I swore I’d never go out in that dodgy boat again.

However, three days later, I was sitting with my binos watching sailfish and kawakawa cooking some baitfish and I was out there again in no time. But then I got clever. I powered upwind with it so, if I broke down, I’d wash back into the island. Lesson learnt.

SWEPT AWAY Jonathan Boulton of Mavungana Flyfishing puts a foot wrong off Benguerra Island and it was nearly his last step Mark Taylor – who had worked for me for many years before going abroad to Farlows and eventually Osen Gard – had come over to South Africa between seasons for a bit of a break. I had been commissioned to do an article on the newly-revamped Benguerra Island Lodge.

On Mark’s international guiding salary, the charter flight ticket was small change, so he joined me for the fun.

We got some cracking cuta offshore but then the weather turned horrendous, so the usual tactics (developed by the pioneering island fly guides Andrew Parsons, Ant Diplock and later Graham Pollard of drifting pinnacle reefs and dredging full sink lines and mega clousers from the boat), were no longer on the cards.

We were now forced to fish land-based but we had great action with lighter nine-weights, fishing in low light and into the night using luminous, squid skirt flies. Ant Diplock would take his boat to North Point Benguerra, anchor in the lee and then we would walk onto the very aggressive, wave-beaten sand point. Here we’d chargeup our luminescent flies with head torches and land some really good bigeye trevally.

We didn’t want to shine our torches on the water as it would frighten the fish and destroy the night vision of the others casting on the water’s edge, so we would walk up away from the water and turn our backs to the sea. We would take it in turns and rotate into the prime casting spot where the wash and the drop-off met, and then go back up the beach once our flies had dimmed for a recharge.

It was my turn casting and, being vertically-challenged, I recall really pushing the limits and wading pretty deep.

Too deep. It was raining heavily, so I had an old Patagonia rain jacket on, hat, head torch and the ubiquitous laundry stripping basket. As I took one last step before releasing my last cast, I had that feeling underfoot of the sand dislodging, as it was sucked away by the wash. The next thing I was out in the rip current and getting swept away from the point.

Gone!

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I looked back and all I could see was Mark and Ant with their backs turned towards me charging up their flies and having a drink. I was screaming hysterically, but they didn’t turn to look, unable to hear anything over the crashing waves and pelting rain. I thought it was my last day. The deadly currents in the channel between Bazaruto and Benguerra and the reputation of the huge sharks that patrol it are no joke.

Sucked out in the current, I focused on not panicking, I unstrapped the stripping basket and put that in the same hand as my rod. Adopting the crucifix position I floated on my back looking up at the inky night sky. Instead of

trying to fight against the rip current, I just took a right angle and paddled across it. After what seemed like an age, I felt the sand under my feet again and eventually managed to get out and scramble back onto the shore.

At a guess, I came out about one kilometre around the point.

Walking back up, absolutely exhausted and looking like a drowned rat, I eventually reached Mark and Ant and the welcome: ‘Where the fuck have you been!?’

Look out for more wild stories from Jonathan in a book covering all his adventures, out soon.

AFLOAT Francois Botha and Arno Mathee, go adrift off the Republic of Congo Arno Mathee and I went to the Republic of Congo to explore for tarpon. We soon figured out that they were not in the estuaries, but in the backline. There was this particular place at the mouth of an estuary where the tarpon would congregate. We would travel there, about 20 miles up the coast, and then start missioning right on the backline, targeting monstrous tarpon in between sets of waves.

The surf at its flattest was about six feet and when normal was around eight feet. At sea level it looked 20-feet. It was quite a daunting thing, especially considering we had a tiny little inflatable with a 25-horse motor, which we were still running in. There was quite a big oil content and often the spark plugs or something else would get flooded and it would take a while for the motor to accelerate.

We were put-put-putting in between sets in the impact zone when a set came through. As I tried to accelerate, the motor cut out. I tried starting the motor with the kind of urgency that takes hold when your life depends on it but, it just wasn’t starting. Next thing this huge wave flipped us. Arno had his fly rod in his hand, but everything else had gone. I thought, at least we’re super buoyant, if the surf pummels us, we will go to the side. Another wave came through and knocked us off the flipped boat. We climbed back on again and, as another wave hit us, a very strong offshore breeze started blowing us out to sea. Arno just said, ‘Paddle.’

I lay on the front of the nose like a surfboard and began to paddle.

Each time I looked up I realised the beach was just getting further and further away. No-one even know where we were. We had one Rasta back in camp ghetto-blasting Bob Marley. If we didn’t come back for a week he would just think we had gone home without saying goodbye. As we drifted further and further out, I got this real sinking feeling. I’ve been in some really hairy situations in my life, but when it dawns on you that you are in real shit, it’s just a different experience. Arno and I are very experienced skippers but, try as we might, we just couldn’t right this boat. We were adrift for a few hours by that time and the coastline was just a slither. It was like the opposite of when you have just done an ocean crossing and start seeing land for the first time. It was a really harrowing experience.

Miraculously, we then saw some guys far out to sea on a pirogue.

In that neck of the woods, they have these giant trees that they use to make these one-ton plus, seven or eight metre long pirogues.

Fishermen use these to paddle out to far out reefs. It just so happened that the direction in which we were drifting was also in the direction of their reef.

We were waving and shouting and eventually took our shirts off and started waving those, going mad to get their attention. Eventually they saw us and one of them just lifted a paddle up as if to say, “Yeh, yeh, we see you...”

Long story short, they helped us ashore and we managed to dry the motor and restart it.

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W H AT ’ S I N M Y B A G

THE EXPEDITION DOCTOR W H E N H E ’ S N O T T R Y I N G T O C A S T A F LY, D R PAT R I C K AV E R Y C A N F R E Q U E N T LY B E F O U N D T E N D I N G T O S I R D AV I D AT T E N B O R O U G H A N D HIS BBC FILM CREWS ALL OVER THE WORLD … FROM RAINFORESTS T O S AVA N N A H , I C E L A N D T O A N TA R C T I C A . H E R E ’ S H I S A D V I C E O N T H E M E D I C A L K I T T O PA C K F O R A P R O P E R E X P E D I T I O N .

Photos Patrick Avery

I

was lucky to be born, raised, and schooled in Kenya in the 1980s. Our family recreation time was generally spent on safaris exploring the wilderness areas of East Africa, camping, learning about African flora and fauna, hiking up hills, fishing, competing in the Rhino Charge - an extreme offroad driving event, and getting lots of experience fixing Land Rovers.

I did alright at school and, for one reason or another, I decided to apply for medical school in the UK. The culture shock from this move was immense and the graft was longer and harder than I had anticipated but, eventually, after six years of uni and a further eight years of post grad work/study I qualified as a General Practitioner. I always felt somewhat stifled by life in the UK, given the lack of wilderness and adventure. In 2010 however, I stumbled upon the discipline of wilderness/expedition medicine and due to various fortuitous circumstances this opened up a wealth of incredible travel opportunities and experiences to me.

Over the course of the last decade, alongside the extensive personal fly-fishing travel I have done, I’ve been fortunate to have worked as an expedition doc for the BBC Natural

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History Unit in a multitude of different environments worldwide. These include the rainforests of Costa Rica and Congo, the jungles of Burma, the harsh wintery wastes of Iceland, Siberia, Finland and Antarctica, and the good old African bush country of Kenya, Zimbabwe and Zambia. My role on these trips is nominally to keep the team safe and to respond to any acute medical problems that may arise, as well as mucking-in with the rest of the team, taking photos, and sneaking in some fishing where time and opportunity arise.

Although my primary day job is as a GP (now based back in Kenya again), in latter years one of my most important and cherished roles has been keeping a watchful eye on Sir David Attenborough on a number of different international filming trips. A lifelong idol/hero of mine it has been a privilege to spend so much time travelling with, and getting to know the great man. I’ve been lucky.

Expedition Medical Kits: what to take Expedition medical kits can be very large and extensive but for the purposes of this article I will focus primarily on what med kit I carry as a lightweight, bare minimum when heading to an equatorial African fly-fishing destination.

These trips often necessitate meagre luggage allowances so the med kit has to be similarly whittled down.

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“Well…this little piggy went to market and this little piggy stepped on a thorn.”

Dr Patrick Avery performs running repairs during the ForRangers Ultramarathon, Kenya, 2021

Before you go Always remember that prevention is better than cure. Take some travel advice before you go and research the main medical risk factors. Check whether you need any specific vaccines or antimalarials. Normally people worry overly about things like snakes/scorpions/spiders which, in reality, rarely cause you problems. The main risks are generally related to road travel accidents, heat illness, sunburn, foot/ leg injuries, skin problems, allergies, infected wounds, insect bites, and diarrhoea. Get that sensitive tooth or niggling medical problem looked at before you head off to the middle of nowhere. Toothache will ruin your trip! Pack a small travel mosquito net and get full travel insurance from a reliable provider to cover you for evacuation and take heed of FCO black lists. Consider doing an advanced wilderness first aid course so you have some skills.

Take a sufficient supply of any regular meds that you take normally (tablets, inhalers etc). Pack a couple of EpiPens if you suffer from anaphylaxis and make sure those travelling with you know where you keep them and how to use them.

If you are prone to regular bouts of a specific illness that requires a specific treatment, take a supply of that treatment with you just in case. Some people get constipated when they travel. If you do, take some laxatives with you.

Do some fitness/training before you go. These fishing trips can physically take their toll on feet, hands, shoulders, and backs particularly when throwing a 12 weight for hours on end in the surf in places like Gabon. Some cardio and strength endurance training in the 6-8 weeks pre departure will make you more resilient. Fighting a 70kg tarpon on a fly rod is not easy. I’ve witnessed someone fighting a big fish having to walk 200 yards backwards up the beach into the adjacent rainforest, rod in hand, in order to drag a big fish ashore which they simply were incapable of winding in.

Heat illness Heat illness is incredibly common and is made more so if people are unfit, overweight, jet-lagged, dehydrated, hung over, over-exerting themselves, or unacclimatised.

One can acclimatise but this takes several weeks to do.

Heat illness causes a range of symptoms from headaches and nausea, to coma, collapse, and death. Destinations like Gabon or Cameroon will often have ambient day time temperatures of close to 40 degrees C with high humidity.

Simply standing on a beach/river bank in the middle of the day can give you heat illness. Being mindful of this and keeping a watchful eye on one another is critical.

Anyone who starts behaving strangely/stumbling/ mumbling needs to be swiftly taken into the shade and

cooled by stripping them down, pouring water on them and fanning their bare skin. They will be more prone to further heat illness in the following days and must take extreme care to avoid repeated heat injuries ideally by avoiding operating in the heat of the day. Keeping your head and skin covered from the sun’s UV rays is critical.

Don’t wander around shirtless and hatless. UV-rated long sleeves/gloves/leggings are a must. The leggings also help prevent chaffing. I’ve found a small UV-rated umbrella is an essential travel item both for providing shade and rain cover.

Foot/skin care Your skin takes a hammering on these trips. Whether it be fish spines in the hands, friction burns, sunburn, thorns, or blistered and bruised feet. When walking around in forests, flooded environments, or beaches with lots of debris there are plenty of ways to hurt your feet/legs. I’ve seen several deep lacerations to legs/ankles sustained in this manner and I’ve also very nearly walked on a Rhino Viper barefoot on a Gabonese beach. I’ve had to suture up both my own ankle and my Dad’s calf on separate trips. Whilst it is nice going bare-foot, I’ve realised from bitter experience that wading shoes are a good way to protect your feet.

Plenty of bottled/boiled water irrigated over a wound is the best way to clean it thoroughly. I also always carry a small bottle of betadine for cleaning wounds and a small suture kit with some 4/0 sutures, needles, syringe, and 5mls of 2% lidocaine anaesthetic. For those who can’t suture then some steri strips and some standard super glue work very well for closing most wounds. The glue is useful for fixing fishing tackle too. A 50 x 5 cm piece of kinesio tape cut and rolled is invaluable for cutting into strips to place over any blisters/hot spots on the feet and can also be used on fingers for friction burn prevention. A roll of zinc oxide tape and a selection of fabric plasters for small cuts are also a must.

I carry a small tube of Germolene which is a good antiseptic application for wounds and also helps soothe chaffed nether regions. Pack a couple of sterile hypodermic needles for digging out thorns or gently decompressing a blister. I always carry a Leatherman so I have a knife and scissors to use.

Insect biting activity can be horrendous on these trips. The itching drives you mad and can lead to a skin infection.

Some topical steroid cream applied twice daily (15g of either hydrocortisone 1% or Eumovate) is brilliant for reducing the itch and irritation. Likewise a small tube of Eurax HC is excellent for itchy bites.

“ONE OF MY MOST IMPORTANT AND CHERISHED ROLES HAS BEEN KEEPING A WATCHFUL EYE ON SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH ON A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT INTERNATIONAL FILMING TRIPS” W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

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Trauma Serious trauma, while generally rare, is a life threatening problem. I always carry the following: 1. battlefield tourniquet for staunching bleeding limbs 2. small pack of Celox quick clot for bleeding in the groin/ armpits/neck 3. large bore cannula for decompressing tension pneumothorax and IV access 4. a single trauma bandage 5. 1000mg of injectable tranexamic acid for haemorrhage control Pain relief Its always worth having a range of pain relief options as follows (increasing strength): 1. Paracetamol 500mg x 16 2. Ibuprofen 400mg x 12 3. Co-codamol 30/500 x 10 Antibiotics I always carry two antibiotics: 1. Co-amoxiclav (Augmentin) 625mg x 21 to cover skin/ chest/throat/ear/sinus/urine infections (if penicillin allergic take Clarithromycin 500mg x 14 instead).

2. Azithromycin 500mg x 3 to cover traveller’s diarrhoea/chest Allergic reactions I don’t tend to carry an EpiPen as I don’t have allergies myself but will carry a couple of vials of 1:1000 adrenaline for use in event of anaphylaxis in a companion. I also carry: 1. Chlorphenamine 10mg injectable (antihistamine) 2. Cetirizine 10mg x 5 (antihistamine tablets)

3. Ventolin inhaler for asthma attacks/anaphylaxis 4. Prednisolone 5mg x 28 (steroid tabs for severe allergies or exacerbations of asthma. Take 6-8 at once for 3-5 days) Other assorted items A few other assorted essentials that I carry: 1. Omeprazole 20mg x 5 (anti reflux meds) 2. Chloramphenicol eye ointment x 4g for eye injuries/ infections 3. Buccastem 3mg x 10 (anti-vomiting tabs that dissolve in your mouth) 4. Oral rehydration salts x 5 packs 5. Nasopharyngeal airway x 1 6. Gauze swabs 7. Tweezers 8. A roll of compression bandage for binding up twisted ankles or other swollen joints. Also useful in event of snake bite where immobilisation and compression bandaging of the affected limb/bite site is recommended.

Fishing gear Depending on where my expedition work has taken me, if there is a potential for some fishing I always try to pack an appropriate rod and reel combination for my perceived quarry. Normally this is a #6 or 7 wt travel rod. Over the years during downtime on BBC trips I’ve managed to catch mahseer in jungle rivers in Burma (where I’m convinced no one has ever thrown a fly before), giant Icelandic brown trout, and tigers in the Zambezi. If ever you are looking for an adventurous doctor to accompany you on a trip somewhere then please drop me a line. IG: @drpatrickavery

Patrick takes a dip with 80kg of Nile perch, caught below Murchison Falls, Uganda.

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O K AVA N G O

HOUSEBOUND SWOPPING THEIR HOMES IN RAINY, LOCKED-DOWN CAPE TOWN FOR A HOUSEBOAT ON THE OKAVANGO, TUDOR CARADOC-DAVIES AND CREW FORGOT THE REAL WORLD FOR A MOMENT AND HIT THE BARBEL RUN FOR TIGERFISH.

Photos Platon Trakoshis, Andre van Wyk

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he Germans have a word, fernweh, that describes the longing for far-off places you have never been to. It’s made up of fern meaning ‘distance’ and weh(e) meaning ‘ache’ or ‘sickness’. So fernweh combines to mean distance sickness. Basically, it’s the opposite of homesickness.

But the interesting part is that it applies to places you have never been to.

I don’t know about you, but over the last 18 months to two years, I have had chronic fernweh. There’s no doubt it was caused in part by lockdowns and the four-walled cabin fever staying at home for far too long brings. Throw in the nowcommon cocktail of anxiety at a seemingly unfathomable plague, severely curtailed travel options and a reeling economy (plus the fly fishing doldrums of a Cape winter), and you have all the makings of ferocious fernweh. So, when Natural Selection who have a spread of incredible camps and mobile safaris in Botswana, Namibia and South Africa, got chatting to us, I had an inkling here might be the cure.

When they said there was a houseboat on the Okavango panhandle that The Mission could visit for a week to fish, film and shoot the barbel run, it felt like someone deep in the polytheistic bureaucracy of water gods, demi-gods, genies and goblins had heard our prayers.

While I was amped about the fishing to come, I was just as, if not more excited, about the destination itself. For as long as I can remember, I have had deep fernweh for the Okavango.

Despite our best intentions and collective fernweh, the trip got off to a disastrous start.

As I left the house to go to the airport, I put my email out-of-office message on but something went haywire. It started responding to thousands of year-old messages with the gleeful announcement that I was going to be in the Okavango for the next week and that all queries would be handled by either my wife, who runs accounts, or The Mission’s art director, Brendan Body. My sleeping wife, whom I had planned on kissing goodbye dramatically before disappearing silently and mysteriously out the door, was not amused that I was leaving her to deal with an administrative crisis.

Then, at the airport, one member of our group was told he could not get on the plane. Platon had had Covid about a month earlier and while his PCR test was positive for Covid, he had been assured by everyone from his doctor, to the Botswanan embassy and the Civil Aviation Authority that, because so much time had passed, he was no longer contagious and he had the green light to travel. SA Airlink were working off different rules, so we boarded the plane one man down. As we took off for much hotter climes, Platon drove off through the rain. I imagine there was a sad trombone solo playing on his car’s sound system. He was

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determined to get another test hoping for a different result so that he could join us the following day. Just in case, we stole his fly boxes from his pack before he left.

In just a few short hours we left cold, rainy Cape Town and were in the baking hot streets of Maun, the safari and Okavango Delta centre of Botswana. Conrad, Dre and myself were picked up by Murray and Bibi of Natural Selection and after a seven-hour drive up to Shakawe, plus a 500m dinghy ride, we boarded the Okavango Spirit. Our home for the week, the Okavango Spirit is a houseboat with seven en-suite cabins with balconies, a large lounge/dining room and a crew consisting of the captain, Sam (who called himself Captain Deadfish), Rasta the chef and Bibi and Lucas who manned the small boats we would be fishing off. Far from mobile reception, my phone dead and all those email problems a world away, my fernweh was rapidly easing.

We’d made it. We were in the bloody Okavango!

W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

LIKE A SORT OF WHACK-A-MOLE FLASH MOB OF UNRULY CATFISH, THERE ARE SPORADIC RUNS THAT POP UP IN DIFFERENT PLACES.”

Andre van Wyk with a fin-perfect Okavango tiger above, Tudor Caradoc-Davies testing his own G&Ts on the Okavango Spirit (above right) and Conrad Botes tweaking Clousers for the next day’s fishing (below right).

For those readers from other continents who might not be familiar with the Okavango, let me put my Attenborough hat on and break it down for you. Usually river deltas flow into the sea. Formed by seasonal flooding, the Okavango is one of the world’s few inland deltas and instead of flowing into the sea, it eventually dissipates into the sands of the Kalahari Desert. Around Jan-Feb, the Rio Cubango drains summer rainfall in the Angolan highlands and surges south for over 1200km, across a tiny bit of Namibia (the Caprivi strip) and into Botswana where it becomes the Okavango. From March to June the waters then spread over the delta where the high temperatures cause rapid transpiration and evaporation, which results in not one, not two, but three cycles of rising and falling water levels.

Somewhere between June and August (Botswana’s dry winter months) the flood hits its peak and the delta swells to three times its permanent size, attracting animals from all over the region. That’s why it’s a UNESCO world heritage site, one of the seven wonders of Africa and a huge contributor to Botswana’s GDP through safari tourism. Amid this insane concentration of wildlife, from birds to big mammals, are a lot of fish. And what we mean when we talk about fish and the Okavango is barbel.

As anglers, we may come for the tigerfish, but it’s the barbel run that makes it all possible.

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As far as mind-blowing spectacles go, along with the Great Migration of wildebeest in the Serengeti/Masai Mara and the Kasanka bat migration in northern Zambia, the Okavango barbel run is one of the most special natural phenomena on the African continent, or anywhere else for that matter. As the floodplains recede, millions of minnows and baitfish from bulldogs to robbers, Churchills and tilapia that have spawned in the shallows get pushed closer and closer to the deeper channels of the river. As they hide in the papyrus along the channel’s banks, the barbel begin to feed on them, driving the minnows from the safety of the reeds into the channel where tigerfish lurk. Skulking behind the tigerfish and hoping to catch them, were sunburned anglers from Cape Town trying to cope with Botswanan winter temperatures in the high 30s.

Like game rangers sharing significant sightings in the bush, the guides from the various lodges and houseboats in the area talk and share information. Lucas and Bibi got word that the run (a run) was happening further south down at a place called Red Cliffs. That meant a 5:30am start to try to get there as the sun started warming the water up.

When you cruise through the Okavango panhandle on small boats, you’re low in the water so much of the scenery looks the same. Bend after bend of river, flanked by towering banks

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“AS BEE-EATERS SWOOPED ABOVE US IN THEIR HUNDREDS, WE BOMBED OUT CASTS.”

of papyrus and phragmites grass, punctuated by occasional openings which reveal cattle and goats, or occasionally elephant and sitatunga antelope with their splayed toes which have evolved for wading in marginal marshy water.

Every so often there would be the odd sandbank and lush islands topped with ilala palms and massive hardwood trees, then more bends as the river worked its way much farther south towards the delta proper and the desert.

Red Cliffs, so named for the relatively imposing red earth cliff face, was book-ended by big trees and pitted with hundreds of Carmine bee-eater nests. In a flattish landscape, it stood out as a landmark. The river took a dog-leg to the right below the cliffs forming a deep pool with shallower weedy sections on the outside bend and structure provided by halfsubmerged logs right in the corner. When we arrived there there were already three other boats swearing with joy as they got hit by tigers. That told us everything we needed to know. As we put-putted closer, we could see the water on the margins was alive with action. As bee-eaters swooped above us in their hundreds, we bombed out casts. Tied to the end of our rigs were tiger clousers in black and purple and black and red, Platon’s Bulky beef zonker pattern, plus Henkie Altena’s heavy Ma se Hare, his go-to fly from years spent fishing this area.

I’m sure species like Papua New Guinean black bass, dorado etc. have their defenders when it comes to laying claim to podium places, but I’m pretty confident there are few fish, especially in freshwater, that hit as hard at tigerfish do. With the sensitivity of a fly rod, it’s accentuated even more and the thrill of that eat never gets stale. Even the first 15-20 seconds with a smaller fish can be deceptive, because they hit so hard. We had many declarations of, “Proper fish!” only to revise that down to, “Not that big, but it fought ridiculously well for its size.” When the sun gets up and the heat of the day sets in, it’s easy to drift off a little mentally in the rinse and repeat of bombing out casts.

Then, out of nowhere, you get poesed and inevitably miss the strike or, worse, trout-strike.

Just as suddenly as the run began, it was over. The boils in the shallows disappeared. Across the pool and down into the channel the water still moved with catfish. They were no longer feeding, but swirling around near the surface, as they moved further downstream as one massive roiling, boiling loosely-conjoined organism of whiskered malice.

We returned dog-tired from that first day, our first barbel run experience and a few tigers on the scoreboard, and were greeted by the sight of Platon at the houseboat. As G&Ts washed down Rasta’s hearty meals, Platon brought us up to speed. He’d managed to get another PCR test, one that gave the right result, and had flown in a few hours earlier (throwing up on the plane for dramatic effect) having only lost a day. Platon grew up in Zimbabwe and has fished all across Southern Africa including in the Okavango, so he was by far the most experienced tiger fisherman of the

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four of us. I’d been on a couple of tigerfish trips before to the Zambezi and Chobe, while Dre had fished for tigers with his late father and had also always wanted to make it to the Okavango. For once Conrad, conqueror of tarpon from the beach and kob from everywhere, was the noob with zero tigerfish experience.

Over the days that followed, we understood that there isn’t only one run which, on further reflection, seems obvious.

Like a sort of Whack-A-Mole flash mob of unruly catfish, there are sporadic runs that pop up in different places.

Why the minnows get smashed in one area instead of another is hard to decipher, but it probably has something to do with water levels, temperature and at least one illtempered catfish deciding to start a riot. The trick is to be there when it starts.

Usually, the giveaway is a bunch of birds – egrets, herons, cormorants – congregating in a specific spot on the edge of the dense banks of papyrus and phragmites grass,

W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

“WE STAYED HYDRATED WITH ST LOUIS BEER, A SUPER-LIGHT BOTSWANAN LAGER THAT HAD ALMOST ZERO EFFECT AND WHICH SEEMED DESIGNED FOR DAY-DRINKING IN THE SUN.”

WHEN YOU EVENTUALLY GET THERE, YOU’LL THANK YOURSELF FOR DOING IT, BECAUSE THIS IS THE STUFF PROPER MEMORIES ARE MADE OF” trying to feed on minnows that the barbel have not yet Hoovered. When we saw birds, we’d pull up in the boats to both spot and listen out for the barbel. Yes, listen because, when the barbel are feeding you tend to hear them long before you see them. It sounds like something large, hippos perhaps, moving through the reed and grasses, cracking stems, splashing and bashing smaller fish into their mouths or into the channel where the toothy maws of the tigers await. Only when they get close to the channel do you start to see the barbel moving in the grass. The idea is to anchor a little downstream, cast towards the bank and let your fly swing into the channel like a petrified minnow.

Back to our full complement of anglers, including Murray from Natural Selection who used to run a nearby lodge on the panhandle, we set out to decipher the fishing.

According to Platon and Murray, it wasn’t firing in the way they knew it could. We were still catching, but not the sort of hand-over- fist results you dream of. There was next to no visibility so, to catch these largely visual predators, it was going to be a case of getting the fly in front of their noses wherever they were holding. That meant getting

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them down as far as we could into the unseen troughs and holes adjacent to any barbel runs we could find.

Worryingly for the locals, who’ve taken a serious knock as Covid hammered tourist numbers, the river was at the lowest it’s been for 36 years. It’s weird to be in a place so remote and wild and to find yourself speculating about the possible impacts of climate change, the future of earth and whether Musk will find anything worth fly fishing for on Mars.

I’m sure other more sensible, leisure-minded people would spend more time on the houseboat, fishing just the early morning and late afternoons and filling the rest of the day with mid-morning and mid-afternoon naps, bush/ birding walks, long lunches and sundowner cruises. Not us. Fully aware of how cold and wet our home town was and how long it had been since we’d used our passports, we were on a mission to maximize the opportunity, spending almost every waking moment looking for the runs. We’d leave early each morning when there was still a surprisingly cold mist on the water, negotiating sandbanks and hippos alike, slowing down to lessen the wake so we didn’t disturb the African Skimmer nests on the banks.

W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

O K AVA N G O

We’d fish through the morning then lunch on an ilala palm island, scoping out the area for crocs, before Bibi dished up a feast. We dunked our shirts in the river and wore them wet for all of five minutes before they dried again. We stayed hydrated with St Louis beer, a super-light Botswanan lager that had almost zero effect and which seemed designed for day-drinking in the sun. While searching for runs in the mid-afternoon, we explored the still side-pools adjacent to the river, marveling at the freshwater jellyfish while trying to catch bream and juvenile tigers on lighter rods.

It was hard going, but untethered both literally and metaphorically from the digital shackles of our normal lives, the graft of constant casting and stripping line felt good.

The fact that we were doing it in the Okavango, chilling on a houseboat at night and catching tigerfish during the day made it even better. I guess that’s why I want to bring up love. Depending on the habits of your generation and how you feel about “feelings,” the “L” word might make you a little uncomfortable, so let me clarify and categorise it a little. There’s love for your significant other, romantic love if you will. There’s love for your family - your children, your parents, siblings and so on. There’s love for your pets, itself a deep and unique kind of attachment. Then there’s the love you have for your friends.

Now, I fish a lot with this crew in and around our homewaters in the Cape. We’ve spent many a long day and night on the water, often blanking, sometimes klapping it, always with great cheer, brotherhood, bonhomie etc. Hell, we even see each other beyond fishing. So, to be out on the water at last, in a completely different place, fishing for a species we normally don’t get to target during a natural phenomenon, was an exceptionally special experience. For me, it was one doused with capital letter Love. Love for the fishing, love for the friends, love for the place and for the opportunity. You can call it “a jol”, “epic”, “amazeballs” or whatever nomenclature works for you, but at its base it’s love. It really did not matter that the fishing was not as off the hook as Platon and Murray said it could be. Because, if the time of Covid has taught us anything, it’s how to appreciate what we’ve got, how lucky we are to be alive and to be able to travel and do cool things like drink beers at 10am and catch tigerfish.

Unless you’re already someone who frequently does these things with friends, I want to leave you with a piece of unsolicited advice… Find a place that gives you fly fishing fernweh, like the Okavango did for us and then do something about it. Book a houseboat. Rope in some friends. Plan it. Get the ball rolling a year or two in advance, if necessary, and get everyone to put in the cash. When you eventually get there, you’ll thank yourself for doing it, because this is the stuff proper memories are made of, memories that you’ll dine out on for years to come.

To book the Okavango Spirit or check out Natural Selection’s other lodges, visit naturalselection.travel

SHOP THE MISSION

RIO POWERFLEX WIRE BITE TIPPET The phrase gamechanger is thrown around a lot these days (tH@NkZz Blane Chocklett), but when it comes to fly fishing for tigerfish this knottable wire tippet from Rio warrants the description. No more swivels and wire straighteners. Simply treat it as you would any other leader material. rioproducts.com, xplorerflyfishing.co.za

ST LOUIS BEER

THE MISSION SKULL ISLAND CAP

SWIFT EPIC 8WT

“IN THE LOWVELD, COME MORNING, THERE’S ALWAYS A HALF DEAD SHREW IN A DOG BOWL OR IN THE POOL“

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DROP THE MICE S I N G L E N Y M P H S , L O N G L E A D E R S , E X T R E M E S T E A LT H - F LY F I S H I N G F O R B U S H V E L D S M A L L S C A L E Y E L L O W F I S H I S U S U A L LY A D E L I C AT E A F FA I R . U N T I L C R A I G PA P P I N S TA R T E D L O B B I N G M I C E PAT T E R N S D E S I G N E D F O R TA I M E N .

Photos Craig Pappin, James Topham

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t was over a bottle of rum that I got the wild idea of throwing a massive articulated mouse fly fit for taimen at our local yellows in the Lowveld. My longtime fishing buddy, James Topham, who grew up with me on these waters but has travelled the world as a fly-fishing guide and actually fished for taimen with mice patterns, must have been thinking that as usual, ‘Baas Craig, that’s mal (crazy)’. But James knows the way my brain works. If there’s a chance of a successful result, I’ll throw the thing anyway.

Thinking back on it, the idea of throwing a mouse pattern for fish has been a bit of an obsession for me since I was a laaitie (youngster). After seeing a picture in a book of a gerbil or mole rat-type rodent swimming across a pond with a massive pike inches below it, I’ve always been fascinated by fish that smash rodents. I bought my first mouse pattern for no reason other than it looked cool and I knew I was going to bamba (hit) bass on it. What I did not realise is that a mouse fly is a bitch to cast. With a Stealth Start as my trusty one-and-only fly rod back then, the set- up sucked and I quickly moved onto fishing more manageable flies like minnows and hoppers. These were the early days of fly fishing for me so, at that age, I also knew fokkol (nothing) about double hauling. I must have thrown the fly once or twice at trout dams in the hope of an explosion but I can’t recall anything happening.

At that stage I hadn’t even thought of targeting our bushveld bones with one, let alone seen the massive fish the Sabie River holds. Having been fly fishing somewhat successfully since the age of 11, my mates and I would go through each other’s fly boxes, stupidly manipulating the inanimate flies and laughing hysterically as the flies got crazier. This practice merged into our actual fishing and, like puppeteers, we would manipulate our flies on the water. They were mostly dragonfly nymphs, damsels and the occasional leech. We would give every twitch, strip and retrieve intent and purpose. The trick was to imagine the environment surrounding your fly and to try to give your mouse a character. These characters were always in the deepest kak (shit) as they tried to make it across the water towards dry land. Sight fishing with a large mouse pattern provides plenty of humour.

The idea of yellowfish smashing a warm-blooded terrestrial came about quite organically. Come morning In the Lowveld, there’s always a half dead shrew in a dog bowl or in the swimming pool. Spending a lot of time fishing the Sabie River I would witness these explosions on the water, where a small creature gripped, by the meniscus would be there one moment and the next it would be engulfed from below. Sometimes it was hard to believe the ferocity and explosiveness of the eat. What made it even better was that I knew it was an 8lb Bushveld smallscale yellowfish doing the damage.

“IT’S A PLACE YOU WANT A GUIDE’S EYES WATCHING YOUR BACK FOR FLAT DOGS AND HIPPOS. HOW I’M NOT CROC SHIT I DON’T KNOW."

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The balloon vine is an invasive scrambling vine that grows along many water courses in the Lowveld. It has a balloon pod that floats down the river and the fish can’t leave them alone, often hitting them so hard you get nervous and amped at the same time. There’s no reason for that fish to hit that pod other than instinctive behaviour. I’ve also heard stories of frogs getting smashed off the surface as they swim back to the river’s edge after been spooked by passers-by and many anglers had told me how they get big yellows on conventional poppers and surface lures. Spending hours on the river as a youngster and finding hooks baited with skinks initially led me to think locals were fishing for barbel or eels but, as my mouse mission began to take shape, it occurred to me that they could have been set for yellow submarines.

Dead mice in the pool, death-row mice getting smashed on the water - all this resulted in my attempt at getting a Bushveld smallscale yellowfish on a mouse pattern.

It took numerous attempts of wading on my own and doing some seriously risky shit before it became apparent that, with this large fly, as I stood waist deep in the river and with all the movement in the water, it wasn’t going to happen.

My technique was plain dodgy. Winter waters are too cold and waders were not part of the kit. I’ve always taken a much stealthier approach to fishing the Sabie River, crocs and hippos being the main reason. If you fish mostly alone, you’re at high risk of meeting a sad end.

The other reason is that there are very few good pools holding the bigger fish and once they’ve been spooked, that’s it for an hour or three. Fishing with a single nymph and an indicator has been my go-to for our local yellow fish as there are so many species of barbs, minnows and tilapia that affect your slow drift. The idea of a multi-nymph rig and the thought of having multiple flies tangle or snag up just doesn’t cut it for me. It’s not often that you catch these large yellowfish without seeing them first. You will find the honey hole or know from previous sightings where these fish hold up and it’s an incredible sight to see gin-clear waters and ankle-deep banks that have cruising behemoth yellows coasting from lair to lair.

I started to fish a large articulated mouse fly James had given me one evening at a braai. It’s not easy getting any 8lb plus yellowfish out of a narrow section of river and the Sabie River is an aquatic oasis with all the structure you could imagine. The yellow submarines love to hold up in these often-snagged pools and back eddies, places where you can see hippos getting their backs groomed by labeo; where Cape clawless otters stash their young and where Nile crocodiles protect their nests. The hundreds of years of matumi tree growth has created deep undercut embankments that holding the biggest Bushveld smallscale yellowfish deep in their caverns. The easiest way to access the river is by raft. This allows you to cover more water and puts you onto the fish without disturbance. However, zigzagging through hippo paths has its dangers.

Casting is also a challenge. In some parts of the river it’s pretty dark with overhanging trees and, as evening approaches, the river gets a tunnel-like appearance with light at either end. A screaming Giant Kingfisher always calling as it’s exactly overhead, just adds to the wild experience. It’s a place you’d want a guide’s eyes watching your back for flat dogs (crocodiles) and checking the banks for evening grazing hippos. So often I’ve fished like this, stoked on the wildlife and the adrenalin, the only soul on the river making crazy gestures and calling a mouse towards me. How I’m not croc shit I don’t know.

There’s a short window period of only a few months to get the best out of the Sabie River. Winter months are slow and larger flies don’t seem to interest the bigger fish, spooking the pool and leaving you leap-frogging through hippo paths and riverine jungle. In the down time I ended up purchasing an 8 weight, setting myself up for estuaries and found it to be perfect for delivery of the odd larger fly. Practising in the farm dams on bass and honing my skills to present the rodent with precision was enjoyable, even hitting the river for some false casts and getting the presentation dialled in. Changing to a large surface fly like the mouse came with its challenges and getting this large fly into the zone was getting dangerous. That was until I had a massive explosion behind the fly. Funny how when the fish are biting all my concerns about Africa’s deadliest animals go out the window. These fish seem to turn on when something big plops in their pool and proceeds to attempt to swim its way to safety.

“BEHIND THE ROD YOU’RE JUST THINKING, ‘HOLY SHIIIIT! I’M A FOOOKEN MOUSE!’, AS YOU STRIP AND POP IT TOWARDS YOU.” Behind the rod you’re just thinking, ‘Holy shiiiit! I’m a foooken mouse!’, as you strip and pop it towards you.

There’s lightning about to happen; you’re so nervous the next hit is going to make you kak your pants and you trout strike out of absolute fear, maybe even letting out a little girl scream at the same time. I was getting these hits but zero commitment from the fish, possibly because of the water clarity or even more likely because of the size of the Mongolian mouse.

Sharing these experiences via short clips and telling my fishing mates what was happening just didn’t cut it and, with no fish to back it up, it downplayed my case. After some banter from the buggers and a visit home from James I was dead keen to show someone what I had been going on about for the past month or so. With the water clarity improving, winter around the corner, a mouse in hand and optimism riding high we hit the river in James’s inflatable raft. We drifted past a seriously good section of river where a submerged tree was just sticking out of a pool at the tail end of a rapid. I threw the fly towards structure and it wasn’t two or three retrieves and we both saw the fish come out and smash the surface churning

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mouse from Mongolia. On! Like chimps receiving bananas we were going off. We were both lit up like kids again, because the river we had been fishing for so many years had just turned it up a notch.

“They will eat a mouse! A large freakin’ mouse from Mongolia!”

To finally pin a fish after so many attempts was just such a good feeling. James convinced me to tie on one of his home-tied mouse patterns, smaller, uglier and easier to cast. It proved to be the go-to surface mouse pattern for the job. While that session only produced some smaller fish, the stoke of catching them on surface mice and witnessing the fly moving through the most dangerous place for any terrestrial to venture, was next level. Tight casts under structure and between hanging matumi trees was the order of the day, not to mention bashing fish on a four-hour rafting trip with a good mate.

Catching Bushveld smallscale yellowfish on surface mouse patterns is achievable. It not only works, but it’s a highoctane, fast, active retrieve. The results are explosive.

W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

Remote Richtersveld Drift - Namibia

Est. 1997

exclusive trout waters - DuLlSTROom

tigerfish experience - Pongola Mavungana Flyfishing Center

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Mavungana Flyfishing JHB, Shop 3B

Illovo Square Shopping Center, 011 268 5850 travel@flyfishing.co.za

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SALAD BAR SIMMS - FLYWEIGHT PACK FISHING VEST Are you built like a trail-running racing snake? Do you like to head up distant valleys for unpressured fishing, with just the bare essentials on you? Then we think you need to take a gander at the Flyweight Pack Fishing Vest from Simms.

Super lightweight, low-bulk and customizable, it’s designed to fit more like a garment than a pack and offers easy access to essential fishing gear. Its tough 420-denier CORDURA® and lightweight 210-denier nylon ripstop with polyurethane coating is highly durable and weather-resistant; while the mesh shoulder harness is lightweight and breathable. The easy-access roll-top design compresses or expands to accommodate various-sized gear loads. Exterior straps cinch down the roll-top opening. The fully adjustable, lowprofile shoulder harness fits close to the body and evenly distributes weight on the trail. The shoulder harness sports both Simms’ 5.11® HEXGRID® panel and stretch mesh pockets that can accommodate multiple attachments and accessories. Because we are effectively human camels, our favourite feature is the 2-liter HydraPak® reservoir. simmsfishing.com, frontierflyfishing.com

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PATAGONIA – TRAVEL ROD ROLL We love the look of the rod-carrying solution from Patagonia made from 100% postconsumer recycled polyester ripstop with a TPU-film laminate, upcycled from leftover material from Patagonia’s Black Hole bag range. With room for up to four fly rods, the roll features internal daisy chains to help secure rods, while exterior compression straps can be used to set up a rod station when not traveling. Black Hole side panels keep elements out and add extra security to rods while rod roll is rolled up and in use. This product is also Fair Trade Certified™ sewn, which means the people who made it earned a premium for their labor. patagonia.com, xplorerflyfishing.co.za

“THE PEOPLE WHO MADE IT EARNED A PREMIUM FOR THEIR LABOUR.”

ORVIS – PRO MEN’S SUN HOODIE As fly anglers who spend all day in the sun, staying cool has become a priority, especially as the planet gets hotter and hotter. Orvis’s Pro Men’s Sun Hoodie is made for intense tropical sun, humidity and heat. The Polartec® Power Grid™ bi-component knit fabric spreads moisture quickly over a large area helping with rapid evaporation and enhanced cooling, while it also has the highestrated UPF 50+ for maximum sun protection. Gussets in the underarms facilitate Usain Bolt levels of freedom of movement, there’s a hidden zip pocket in the side-seam, integrated thumbholes on the sleeves for back-of-hand sun protection and Polygiene® odor control for extended wear ensures you don’t sit alone at lunchtime. orvis.com, flyfishing.co.za

HARELINE – FLY TYING MATERIAL KIT WITH PREMIUM TOOLS AND VISE Thinking of getting yourself or someone else a comprehensive fly tying kit for Christmas? Check out Hareline’s Premium kit which includes a complete material selection (48 different materials including premium hooks and Veevus threads), a 60-page pattern book and Griffin’s high quality USA-made tools and fly tying vise. hareline.com, frontierflyfishing.com

“THINKING OF GETTING YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE A COMPREHENSIVE FLY TYING KIT FOR CHRISTMAS?” XPLORER – BEADS We all love a draaaaflaaa, but the fact is the vast majority of fish feed below the surface and if your nymph game is strong you will catch a ton more fish than a dry fly purist if there’s fokkol happening up top. If you have some production nymph tying on the horizon, check out the large range of tungsten beads Xplorer have. From slotted to cyclops beads, in sizes 2mm, 2,5 mm, 3 mm and 3,5 mm and in 18 different colours, they’ve got you covered.

Note, do not Google ‘(E)xplorer + beads’ as that might take you to a corner of the Interwebs you’re not ready for. xplorerflyfishing.co.za

L AT ES T R E L E A S ES

SALAD BAR THOMAS & THOMAS - CONTACT II T&T’s second generation Contact rods, the Contact II have developed a proper fanbase among euronymphers and are in huge demand. The blank is constructed from five different types of premium carbon and fibreglass, bound together at strategic angles with T&T’s proprietary aerospace resin system, to produce a blank with phenomenal strength, sensitivity and accuracy. The guide spacing has also been

optimised so there is decreased line sag between your hand and the first guide. Throw in a downlocking reel seat on the 2-4 -weight models, black RECoil snake guides, brown and olive thread wraps and you have an understated beauty of a rod that should result in a ton of great fishing (if you know what you’re doing). Available in 10-foot, 2, 3 and 4-weights from Upstream Fly Fishing. thomasandthomas. com, upstreamflyfishing.co.za

ORVIS - BATTENKILL FLY REELS If fly fishing runs in your family, then there’s a good chance someone from an earlier generation owned a Battenkill and that the generation below yours will also have Battenkills. It’s that level of classic. Machined from durable, heavy-duty bar-stock aluminium, the all-new ultra-lightweight Battenkill still looks as stylistically timeless as you’d expect, but houses a technically enhanced, four-position click-and-pawl drag system that is adjusted internally and is designed to work in tandem with the palm of your hand on those screaming runs. Constructed with a narrow spool for less line stacking on retrieve and a larger spool diameter for higher line retrieval rates, the Battenkill balances perfectly on shorter rods. orvis.com, flyfishing.co.za

ORVIS - HYDROS® REELS Blessed be the tinkerers, for they are constantly improving on classics. Like the new Orvis Hydros reel, which has had any unnecessary material removed to further lighten it, while the narrow spool has been stiffened to lessen line stacking. Then the drag knob got tweaked (our art director’s favourite kink) to make it ergonomically accessible. The seal on the sealed drag also got an upgrade that further protects the clutch bearing and the reel foot was made less kinky for leaders. As for this reel’s main business - the fully sealed drag with stacked carbon and stainless steel disc washers is still one of the strongest in the industry, with zero start-up inertia. orvis.com, flyfishing.co.za

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E: fish@upstreamflyfishing.co.za

SEYCHELLES

www.upstreamflyfishing.co.za

TANZANIA

T: +27 (0) 21 762 8007

CAPE STREAMS

CAPE TOWN

NOW AVAILABLE

IN STORE AND ONLINE

Visit the shop: 274 Main Road, Kenilworth, Cape Town, South Africa, 7708

L AT ES T R E L E A S ES

SALAD BAR PELAGIC GEAR - EXO-TECH AMBUSH CAMO HOODY Talk about technical, Pelagic’s Exo-tech Hoody could be the Transformer of your fishing wardrobe. Part sunshirt, part fishing shirt, part hoody, part face shield – it’s designed to create a force-field between your skin and the sun’s damaging UV rays. Features include a built-in mesh faceshield, a vented mesh hoodie and a large front secure zipper storage pocket. pelagicgear.com, safarioutdoor.co.za

“IT’S DESIGNED TO CREATE A FORCE-FIELD BETWEEN YOUR SKIN AND THE SUN” PATAGONIA - STEALTH HIP PACK While we have drowned enough phones and cameras to be properly paranoid about wanting waterproof bags, the truth is that you don’t always need them. One of the many things we like about Patagonia’s new Stealth Hip Pack is that there is a removable waterproof pocket that can be stored inside or outside the pack. In fact, the whole pack has been designed by someone who clearly fishes a lot. From the 11 litre capacity, to the way the large main compartment is divided into sections, to the zippered pockets on the belt straps, the end pocket on the pack that can house a jacket or a water bottle or the multiple D-rings, docking stations and sleeves designed to keep any of your equipment—even a net – close at hand. Made with 100% recycled nylon ripstop with a polyurethane coating on one side and a TPU coating on the reverse, it’s also Fair Trade Certified™ sewn as you we have come to expect from Patagonia. patagonia.com, xplorerflyfishing.co.za

HOWLER BROTHERS - SHOALWATER TECH PANTS Maybe it’s because we’re from South Africa, but when we think about fishing, we tend to visualize ourselves fishing in shorts (we’ve got great cankles ok?). The reality is, especially when fishing in incredibly hot destinations, we are getting incrementally smarter. That means we increasingly fish in longs, because A) sunburn/cancer and B) multiday comfort due to avoiding serious sunburn/thorns etc. Howler Bros Shoalwater Tech Pants are designed for exactly that job plus you can wear them amongst non-fishing mortals without looking odd.

Lightweight, amphibious and tough as nails, these 85% nylon, 15% spandex quick-drying pants are made of a 4-way stretch nylon-spandex blend with articulated knee and crotch gussets for freedom of movement and comfort, rear zipper and pliers pocket, drawcord waistband and bungee closure at bottom hem. A front seam velcro phone pocket and zippered stretch pocket completes the package. Your legs will thank you. howlerbros.com, upstreamflyfishing.co.za

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PELAGIC GEAR - BAJA STRAW SUNHATFISH CAMO Headwear is a highly personal thing, but when it’s hot as Hades out there, the one style that trumps all others from truckers to flat caps and floppies, is a massive straw hat. Pelagic’s Baja Straw Fishing Hat is a 100% Natural Fiber “lifeguard-style”, full-brim sun protection hat that features a front PVC rubber marlin and tuna patch with custom Pelagic elastic sweatband on the inside and their Ambush Camo print on the under-brim. It looks like it comes with a Caipirinha mixing set for beach cocktails, but it doesn’t. pelagicgear.com, safarioutdoor.co.za

FISHPOND - TACKY FLY BOXES When Fishpond bought Tacky in 2019, we didn’t see it coming, but in retrospect the acquisition makes perfect sense. Fishpond have always been about innovative, sustainable design and in Tacky they found kindred spirits. From the colour scheme to the use of recycled polycarbonate boxes, to the patented silicone anchoring technology or the latchless magnetic closure, the range of new boxes (available at Frontier Fly Fishing) are the ultimate lovechild of Tacky and Fishpond banging two years ago. If you were onboard the Tacky train before the acquisition, you might want to check out the Original Fly Box-2X. It sports all the nifty features of the Original Box but with double the space, holding up to 336 flies. If you want one box to cover pretty much every situation, check out the Double Haul Fly Box. With capacity for over 287 flies, you can load one side with nymphs, the other with dries and want for nothing all day. Lastly, if you’re looking for a bigger box, perfect for your bonefish flies, check out the Pescador Large. From crabs and shrimp to mediumsized baitfish, you’ll have everything on hand to fool even the most selective fish. If you’re in the fresh it will happily house your larger dries and streamers. It holds up to 238 flies, but an optional add-on fly page increases capacity to 532. fishpondusa.com, frontierflyfishing.com

UMPQUA - ZS2 OVERLOOK 500 CAMO CHEST KIT Like chest packs, but hate the neck strain and visibility issues they sometimes come with? Umpqua’s resolves both with a 4-point harness attachment and sleek, tapered face. Plus you get to choose which back option you prefer, either a flat mesh back or a full 550 cubic inch back with net holster. Throw in multiple ZeroSweep features like two retractor stations for nippers and floatant, ambidextrous hemostat station, foam fly patch and a tippet holder and your accessories are well covered. The molle modular attachment station allows you to integrate the Overlook with other ZS2 accessories. umpqua.com, safarioutdoor.co.za

DEEP WANTS

PAY DAY THE SPORK OF THANOS, THE READ OF THE FESTIVE SEASON AND A V6 SHOOTER JEEP - WRANGLER SAHARA 3,6L V6 EHRMAGHERD, now this was a lekker toy to play with! We took it to the Orange River and back and we can confirm it is as ridiculously fun as it looks. Not an overland touring vehicle so much as it is a savage offroader, the Jeep Wrangler Sahara 3,6L V6 boasts incredible 4x4 capabilities and we were amazed at how effortlessly it took on serious boulder negotiating. The styling features classic Jeep heritage cues, but it packs all the mod cons from the

touchscreen Uconnect™️ Navigation to Reverse Parkview®️ Camera.

It’s also highly customisable in that it allows you to remove various roof, side or door sections to get the openair set up you want. Sure, it may not

be quite right for the school run, nor will its fuel economy place it high on Greta Thunberg’s hierarchy of needs, but if you have the bucks and want to climb rocks on weekends, this thing is the tits. jeep.co.za

GERBER - THE SPORK OF THANOS A spork is a spork is a spork, right? Not in this case. If you are hiking in to remote fishing spots and need to keep your pack weight down, the Devour Spork from blade and multi-tool specialists, Gerber, covers all your bases. With a nine function multi-tool (including a serrated package opener, can opener, bottle opener, pry bar, small flathead driver, large flathead driver, deep basin spoon, offset long tine fork, flat cut/scrape edge), it also features mounts at the back to keep the fork elevated when not in use, a textured grip, corrosion resistance and a kickstand feature. While Gerber do not in any way suggest this, if push came to shove you could probably fight a mongoose with it. gerbergear.com, yuppiechef.com

DAVID PROFUMO - THE LIGHTNING THREAD

Looking for a solid read to devour in the festive season? Look no further than David Profumo’s The Lightning Thread – Fishological Moments and The Pursuit of Paradise. An award-winning novelist and Booker Prize judge, Profumo has also always written about fishing. He and fellow heavyweight Graham Swift edited The Magic Wheel (1985), an anthology of fishing in literature, and Profumo also wrote In Praise of Trout (1989). In The Lightning Thread, he takes us on a fishing journey through his life from the Scottish Highlands of his youth, to the Arctic Circle, the South Seas and beyond. From fishing with his father (former British Secretary of War John Profumo) during the Profumo Affair scandal, to smashing mojito in Cuba while targeting permit, The Lightning Thread pulls together all the threads of the man’s life through the lens of fishing, celebrating the intense personal pleasure that fishing brings to us. As someone who truly understands what calls us to fish, Profumo’s writing transcends the mere act of just catching fish and incorporates all the other touchpoints of a life well fished, from the destinations visited to the people he’s fished with and the gifts each experience dished up. Funny, intelligent and a joy to lose yourself in, this is a must-read. simonandschuster.com

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LIFER

THE ROCKSTAR F R OM R E D RO CKS A ND I BI ZA TO BASS AN D CORBIN A, DAVE PO O LE IS A LI F E LO N G FLY A NG LE R WH O ALSO HAPPENS TO BE ON E HALF OF GLOB E T R OT T I NG S O U T H A FRI CA N ELECTRONIC MUSIC / DJ DUO GOLDFISH.

T

he first fish that really peaked my interest in fishing was when a childhood friend of mine caught a rainbow trout from under an overhang with some bread. It was big and beautiful and I was jealous that I hadn’t caught it. I tried for many years in that river with little or no success, but it still holds a magical place in my childhood memory. Wading up a river fishing upstream with a dragless drift is a beautiful thing, which I hadn’t mastered back then.

I grew up in Somerset West, then moved to Cape Town.

Both were home but then GoldFish began for Dominic Peters (Dave’s bandmate) and myself and we started going to Ibiza in Spain every summer for eight years. San Diego has been our home for the past 5 years.

The name GoldFish came about at a time when I was fishing almost every day while doing my masters at UCT (University of Cape Town). We needed a name for the project. Dominic had a legendary short term memory so between that and my fishing, the two things came together rather nicely to name the project after a fish.

I’ve always been in music. I tried selling pizza slices as a kid and was like this is a kak jol (shit gig) so I kept at the music. I’ve been playing in bands since I was 13 years old.

The very first gig my band played was when we opened for the The Blues Broers. We had Albert Frost in our band whose Dad was Frank Frost the legendary drummer of The Blues Broers. We scored the gig at a venue called the Smoke house in Loop street. Myself and our drummer, Tim Rankin, pitched up with no adults and managed to hustle our way in and play the show. It was pretty legendary, both getting in as 13-year-olds and actually playing the show.

In terms of a typical day, we live a kind of strange duel life. If we are at home for a stretch then a perfect day would entail getting up early for either surfing, mountain biking or fishing. Then I jump into making fishy music and sorting out upcoming tours followed by a lekker braai. The other life is touring: jumping on flights, sound checks, late nights ,epic shows, early morning flights, minimal sleep and doing it all again…

My homewaters tend to be the amazing lakes around San Diego which have great Largemouth bass fishing.

They chase bait fish to the surface at many times in the year which makes them rather susceptible to my fly rod.

I have had decent success with Woolhead Mullets, the odd Clouser Minnow and various poppers. With fish breaking the surface, it’s pretty high action sight-fishing. During Covid I really got into fishing off the beach in San Diego for Corbina which was super fun and I had some decent success.

The best advice I have ever been given is that if you do something unique you suddenly have way less competition, as opposed to doing something really well but that everyone else is doing. This really translates well into many areas of life from fishing to music and beyond.

I guess what I am most proud of is being part of GoldFish and having written songs that people listen to all over the world.

The most satisfying fish I ever caught was not on fly and I did not catch it, though I came close. We were fishing for sea trout off downtown Miami and I was absolutely smashing it with multiple fish caught on fly. My buddy who was fishing a conventional rig wasn’t doing as well, so I offered to swap with him so he could smash them with the fly rod too. On my first cast with the conventional tackle I get bitten off by some big blue runners (Elf). I re rig the rod and next cast BAM! “FISH ON!” A 40/50 kg tarpon that did three tail walks and set off on run after run. Only issue was we were fishing light tackle, so after fighting this monster for over 60 minutes it broke me off then swam right next to the boat giving me the birdy. Other notable mentions: sight fishing for Carp and Smallmouth Bass.

My go to drink is good tequila or mescal. It helps that we live 30 min from Mexico so there’s plenty of that around.

One place, never again…there was this hotel in Jozi we stayed at back in the day that was so sketchy it had a deadbolt on the door and what looked like blood splatter on the roof.

“WADING UP A RIVER FISHING UPSTREAM WITH A DRAGLESS DRIFT IS A BEAUTIFUL THING” 94

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One place I have to return to is the Maldives to surf and fish.

The handiest survival skill I have is fishing. I definitely won’t go hungry.

On the life skills front something I would love to master is the piano. It’s such an amazing building block into all kinds of music song writing and production. In terms of fishing skills, there are so many niche skills which is definitely part of the attraction. I love fly fishing however I do a fair bit of conventional bass fishing too. Fishing a jig or Texas rig has always been a challenge for me (as my gear has got a bit better it has definitely go easier). I would love to master these two skills.

Before I die, I want to catch the following fish: bonefish on fly, peacock bass on anything and tigerfish on fly.

It would be even better if I get to do this with my kids. One of the most fun things to do in fishing is teach your kids how to do it and then seeing their faces when they get bit!

I have such great memories of fishing with my dad as a kid, in fact I still have his ancient fly rod from who knows when.

What I get out of fly fishing has not changed over the years. I still feel like I get the same kind of enjoyment out of being outside in amazing places, with friends or alone pitting yourself against amazing creatures, trying to figure out that day’s secret sauce for success to hopefully catching them and letting them go again. I love the fact that we

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have managed to fish all over the world while touring, from browns in Aspen to bonito on fly in the Seychelles to sockeye salmon during the run in British Columbia.

If I could change one thing in fly fishing, I would change how often I get to do it.

Looking back on my life, there are definitely a few things I would have done differently, but I concentrate on the good stuff and try make that better rather than harp on about the things that didn’t work out.

Something I have changed my mind about is that I am no longer a purist when it comes to fly fishing. I am a purist in some ways, like catch and release, but I am happy to fish several styles, from fly fishing (preferably sight fishing), light conventional tackle or spinning.

The last thing I caught was in fact my index finger. As I landed a bass the fish went bananas and suddenly it wasn’t the only thing that was hooked. The barb was in nicely so I had to do that line trick, which was not easy but we got it out. That was probably the last fish I caught too. I got four on fly on that trip which was pretty epic, as you literally wait for them to chase the shad up and get a fly in to the boil as quick as possible and BAM! If you want to see pictures of me not catching fish but blowing a saxophone then head over to all the usual platforms @goldfishlive

W W W. T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

BREEDE RIVER JOIN US FOR SOME OF SOUTH AFRICA’S BEST SALTWATER FLY FISHING. AFTER THE CROWDS OF FESTIVE SEASON HOLIDAYMAKERS GO HOME, THE FISHING ON THE BREEDE RIVER SWITCHES ON AGAIN AS THE KOB, GRUNTER AND LEERIES COME OUT TO PLAY. HAVING CONSULTED THE LOCALS, EVALUATED THE TIDES AND SACRIFICED TO THE GODS, LUCKY BASTARDS HAS SECURED THE PRIME WEEKS AT KAROOLSKRAAL FLY FISHING CAMP OVER THIS PERIOD. ACCOMMODATION IS IN A COMFORTABLE TENTED CAMP AND ALL MEALS ARE INCLUDED. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS ROCK UP AND FISH TO YOUR HEART’S CONTENT. BOOK NOW TO JOIN LUCKY BASTARDS FOR SOME OF THE BEST SALTWATER FLY FISHING IN SOUTH AFRICA. EMAIL INFO@THEMLUCKYBASTARDS.COM TO SECURE YOUR SPOT. VISIT THEMLUCKYBASTARDS.COM FOR MORE.

guide room bingo!

‘T I S T H E S E AS O N TO GE T J O L LY, FA L A L A L A L A L A L A L A L A . A N D THAT – A LON G WI TH T H E FACT T H AT W E H AV E T H E M ATURI TY OF 12-Y EA R-OLDS – I S WHY WE HAVE DEVI S E D A D R I N K I N G GA M E BAS E D O F F T H E CLI CHED I N STAGRA MMI N G MUS I N GS OF FLY FI S HI N G G U I D ES, S O - CA L L E D “ P U B L I C F I GURES ” A N D A MBASSA DORS VY I N G FOR REL EVA N CE. ESP ECI AL LY W H E N T H E PO O R B U G GERS A RE ON THEI R OFF-S EAS ON , THEY A RE OFTE N FOUN D S I T T I NG AT H O M E C H U RNI N G OUT I MAGES FROM THEI R MASS I VE A RCHI VES OF O B S C E NE LY L A RGE F I S H . A RE WE J EA LOUS ? GUI LTY AS CHA RGED.

ONE MAN’S INSTA-GLORY IS ANOTHER’S STRAF-DOP. HERE’S HOW TO PL AY.

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YOU NEED MORE THAN ONE PERSON. THE PERSON KNOWN FOR TAKING THE MOST SELFIES STARTS. OPEN THE INSTAGRAM APP AND SCROLL FOR ONE MINUTE WITH WITNESSES. IF, WHILE SCROLLING, YOU COME ACROSS ANY OF THE FOLLOWING PHRASES (OR APPROXIMATIONS THEREOF), YOU NEED TO SHOUT BINGO! AND CONSUME THE CORRESPONDING PENALTY. IF YOU ARE KNOWN AND SHOWN BY ONE OF YOUR COMPETITORS TO HAVE USED ANY OF THESE PHRASES, THEY CAN PUNISH YOU WHEN IT IS THEIR TURN. MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PERSON. THE SOBEREST PERSON WHEN PHONES ARE ALL DEAD IS THE WINNER, IT’S THAT SIMPLE.

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D IS C L A IM E R : D ON ’ T D R INK AND D R I V E O R D O ANY T H I NG E LS E ST U P I D.

Crime

punishment

“CA N’ T STOP T H I NKI NG ABO U T T HES E FISH.” C l e ar ly you c a n Kevin, becaus e you j ust hashtagged 1 5 diffe r ent species .

“FISH OF A THO U SAND CA STS .”

At l ant ic sa l m on, large mouth ye llows and myri ad o ther s p e c ies g et t hi s label. Maybe , like the f utu ri sti c T V show o f the 80s and 90s , we need to go… Beyond 2000?

“SL A B OF G OL D.” C ool your je t s King Mid as . T hat ye llow is actu ally a di r t y o l ive c ol our, while the othe r one is more si lver. Do n’t be la zy. “S l a b of o live” is f ine.

“IT ONLY C OUNTS O N F LY.” Ye ah b ut no b u t. Se ll that to Rob Kyle .

“SUC H A N HO NO U R /PRI VI LEGE/BLESS IN G TO CATCH O NE OF TH ES E.” We knig ht t he e , Sir Supe rlatives , Over- E x aggerato r o f t he Real m .

“HITTING BACKI NG KNOTS .”

O M G m usc l es, you must be s o well- end owed.

“RIP LIP S.” W hy b e l ike t h at?

“HE RE I A M AT LO D GE X WI T H M Y GR EAT MATE Y.” T hey c a n’ t al l be great mate s , can they?

S ur ely som e a re mild acquaintances ?

“I’ V E GOT <INS ERT S PECI ES > O N T HE BRAIN .”

C a l l D r House.

“TH ESE FISH AR E S O M ET HI NG EL S E.” E r…ok. A nim a l, mine ral or vege table ?

“BOX ES A R E STO CKED.” Gim p is c ha ined . Cof f e e is s ippe d . Butt is wi ped.

Shoel a c es ar e tie d .

“C OUNTING TH E DAYS T I LL...”

C hr ist m a s. U s too.

“TH E BEST PART I S WATCH I NG T HEM SWIM AWAY.” A hac kneyed and highly d ebatable state ment. That’s the s e c ond b est p ar t. T he be st bit is T HE E AT. We’ll fi ght yo u to t he de at h on this .

1 BE E R PU N IS HM E N T = 1 FIN G E R ’ S WI DT H O F B E E R F R O M YO U R G L ASS

Stephan Dombaj Jnr. of Fly Fishing Nation

BACK ISSUES (AND NEW CAPS) MISSING A COPY? GET YOUR BACK ISSUES OF THE MISSION AND A R A N G E O F N E W L U C K Y C A P S AT T H E M I S S I O N F LY M A G . C O M

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