me giving you directions but rather, permission, to be the slovenly homebody you were born to be. LEO: Hey girl! I have an exciting proposition for you. What if you start a new tradition that involves doing your very own laundry? Don’t get mad, you fiery creature, it’s not that big a deal. I know mommy’s been telling you what a special gift to the world you are, but you have to get your information from other sources. Could it be time to grow up and cut your own crust off your own sandwiches? VIRGO: Hey girl! How could someone not love a country strong, salt of the earth guy like you? It is possible though, don’t freak out. Even though freaking out about not being loved is kind of your thing. Just remember that the amount you freak out is inversely proportional to the amount of pure true love you’ll experience if you leave yourself open to it. LIBRA: Hey girl! Why are you being so nice to me? I just heard you say to a group of people that I look like a sausage in my sweater. That’s not very nice but what do I expect from the zodiacs’ drama queen? You’re not going to find the love of your life with that nasty attitude. Or perhaps you found them and lost them and that’s the reason you’re such a bitch. Either way, the planets have aligned to receive your incessant pining, so pine away. We know it’s your favorite thing to do anyway. SCORPIO: Hey girl! Have you ever thought about a life of crime? Of course you have, you’re a wicked, diabolical Scorpio. Everyone knows you walk through Neiman Marcus wondering whether you should stash those $60 La Perla panties in your pocket. So do it. Luck is on your side at this time. Give into your natural inclinations and launder that money, extort that philanderer, you might just get away with it right now. SAGGITARIOUS: Hey girl! Does your back hurt? Maybe it’s from all the bending over backwards, trying to be the life of the party that we all wish you wouldn’t be. Maybe it’s all those Insanity workouts? Tell Shaun T. to chill for a minute. Treat yo’ self. Turn on that Golden Girls marathon, and settle down into your New York cheesecake. And thank you for being a friend. CAPRICORN: Hey girl! Take it easy. I know it feels good to be the first one up the mountain, wearing the hippest gear but sometimes you should just hang out on a ledge and make for summit later. Are you capable of that or will your over ambitious nature force you to race up into the clouds until lack of oxygen gives you brain damage? Only you can decide if it’s worth it. Hint: It’s not
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