Who’s Going Home With Oscar? by sir lance st. laurent
Can you smell it in the air, folks? The smell of overblown pageantry and broken dreams. That’s right, it’s Oscar season yet again. So, as the The Miscreant’s resident Oscarologist, it is my job to act as an unfunny Carnac (google it, kids), trying to read the inside of envelopes with nothing more than my keen powers of perception. As I do every year, I will attempt to read the minds of the biggest group of octogenarian voters this side of the Florida primary and guess the winners of the major categories at this year’s Academy Awards. And what would an Oscar article be if I didn’t add my own personal picks for the awards? Let’s get started, shall we? Best Adapted Screenplay Alexander Payne, Nat Faxton, Jim Rash, The Descendants; John Logan, Hugo; George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, The Ides of March; Aaron Sorkin, Steven Zaillian, Moneyball; Bridget O’Connor, Peter Straughn, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy Will Win: The Descendents The Descendents is this year’s silver medalist, so it’ll gobble up any award that The Artist isn’t nominated for. After winning dozens of awards from critic’s groups around the country, this one Should Win: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy Let’s be real, this is a shitty field of nominees. In lieu of someone who really deserves it, I’ll pick the folks who managed to compress a dense novel into a tidy two-hour movie. Best Original Screenplay Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris; JC Chandor, Margin Call; Asghar Farhadi, A Separation; Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist; Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo, Bridesmaids Will Win and Should Win: Midnight in Paris The Artist could come back to steal this one from the man who rightly deserves it. If that happens, I will be leading the rioting. Who’s with me!? Best Supporting Actress Berenice Bejo, The Artist; Jessica Chastain, The Help; Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids; Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs; Octavia Spencer, The Help Will Win: Octavia Spencer Against all of my hopes and dreams, Spencer has won almost every major award for her work in The Help. Cause frankly, that shit’s racist. It’s highly unlikely that trend will stop at the Oscars. Vote splitting between her and Chastain may pose Berenice Bejo as a spoiler. Should Win: Melissa McCarthy I believe that every year, the Academy should take the time to honor at least one actor who has the courage to loudly shit their pants on screen. They should make that award; we’ll name it after Al Pacino. Best Supporting Actor Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn; Jonah Hill, Moneyball; Nick Nolte, Warrior; Christopher Plummer, Beginners; Max Von Sydow, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close Will Win: Christopher Plummer I found Beginners to be a little to twee for my tastes, but Plummer does fine work. He’ll win his obligatory overdue award this year…cause he’s old. Congrats, I loved you in Sound of Music.
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