Metro Spirit 12.20.2012

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CONTENTS

04 06 07

METRONEWS CROSSWORD AUGUSTA TEK FEATURE

08 13 14 16

EVENTS CALENDAR JENNY IS WRIGHT ART45 SIGHTINGS

18 27 28 29

SLAB MATT’S MUSIC

30 33

THE8

34

WHINE LINE

38

Contributors Greg Baker|Sam Eifling |Rhonda Jones |Austin Rhodes|Josh des|Josh es|Josh Ruffin|Matt Stone|Adam W Wa Wadding|Jenny ding|Jenny Wright

o r t e m IR P S

INSIDER RUFFIN’ IT AUSTIN RHODES

COVER DESIGN: KRUHU

EricJohnson|news editor eric@themetrospirit.com

GabrielVega|lead designer gabe@themetrospirit.com

BrendaCarter|senior account executive brenda@themetrospirit.com

AmyChristian|arts editor/production director amy@themetrospirit.com

JoeWhite|publisher joe@themetrospirit.com

JohnnyBeckworth|circulation manager johnny@themetrospirit.com

Michael-RKQVRQ_VLJKWLQJV Valerie(PHULFN_ZULWHU Amy3HUNLQV_HGLWRULDO LQWHUQ LauraPerry|volunteer

WHINELINE Ya’ll need to give more coverage to Blythe. We have a lot of news happening out here and our city government is out of control with spending. We need Brent Weir to clean house. He is not one of the good-ole-boys controlled by the Southside Mafia.

Insider, keep digging into the Imperial. You will find some

interesting dirt.

It was interesting how a church wanted to make a realistic manger seen using a real live baby -- in cold weather.

So the Feds are fixin to make junk food, like sodas and Little Debby cakes, ineligible for food stamp purchases. MY GOD! WHAT ARE YA,LL GONNA DO? I see what’s in your buggies.

18 o r t e m IRIT 8 SP 12 14

E-bola virus? How about an “inaugeration”.Think he’s a little STD? Question is: WHEN THE confused.If you are so glad to HELL IS SHE GOING TO TESTIFY? be a Yankee, please feel free to return to any rotting decaying Ploch Ploch Fizz Fizz, oh what a NORTHERN city THINK DETROIT. relief it is to take $150,000 and Join the local union and reflect seemingly get away with it. on the fabulous north that most are leaving to move SOUTH. TO the yankee who has his panties in a wad because (continued on page 38) So, Hillary Clinton got a stomach METRO has not told us OBUMA greased back in,and virus, passed out, and got her bell rung. Holy tintinnabulation, mr roundtree who thinks HE is OBUMA and is having an Batman! What’s it going to be next week? Diabetes? The $700. worth of crap and not a bit of fresh meat or vegetables.

Lets hope they don’t banish Ramen Noodles and TV dinners too or ya’ll might starve! Sure wouldn’t want ya’ll to have to put forth an effort to cook something. Not enough time to cook AND spit out another baby.

Sentinel Update: Lawyers continue to battle over private probation

Station Re-identification: Old fire station to aid cemetery detail Getting Active: City attempts to bring levee back to active status Eagle’s Roost: Augusta Regional Airport wants historic fighter for new park

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706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

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SIDER up

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The University of Chicago recently received a package addressed to Henry Walton Jones, Jr., better known as Indiana Jones. They have no idea who sent it or why. How great is that?

down

Do you really need to ask?

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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An Augusta Mystery III When it comes to the missing money from the Imperial, people sure do like to talk.

What’s growing remarkable is just how similar what they have to say happens to be.

For the better part of a year we’ve been discretely asking questions and listening carefully to the answers. We’ve heard a lot, and so much of it is corroborated, so much of it is the same, that the conclusion is unavoidable — this isn’t so much a whodunit as a howdunit.

It’s the unavoidable conclusion because no one is scratching their heads wondering where that $150,000 went, including people who would be far better served to be seen scratching their heads wondering.

Instead, the conversation immediately turns to the ins and outs of how it could happen, who should have known and why nothing substantial was ever done in its aftermath.

It’s clear that there were red flags. It’s clear that people who could have done something about it, people who should have done something about it — in other words, board members — knew there were serious problems with the way the theater was being run.

This is not the idle gossip of people with no skin in the game. The corroboration of these stories is coming from people on the inside. People who knew how things were then and know how things are now.

And that, ultimately, is why this story matters, and why it resonates so strongly in the community.

People love the Imperial. They want to see it thrive and prosper and become again what it once was.

But the theater is about to receive a lot of money. A million dollars is a lot of money, and it can do a lot of good in that old theater. Yet there are many informed people looking in that direction and wondering if it’s worthy of such a check, and that doubt should not be swept under the rug along with everything else.

Oh, Come On… Are You Kidding Me? After last week’s article on the Richmond and Columbia County patrol car choices, insiders were informed in no uncertain terms that this is the first — and last — year for the Ford Taurus in Richmond County. That is as long as Roundtree is sheriff. Apparently, he’s not a fan of the headin’ to Piccadilly senior-citizen cab looking Ford and has informed those in his inner circle to get some Chargers on board, post haste.

Those officers currently assigned to the new soccer sedans are sure going to be jealous of the new cool kid hotrods.

Rumors the new fleet will be royal purple are unfounded as of press time.

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Sentinel Responds Editor, The Metro Spirit: Over recent weeks, Sentinel Offender Services has found itself the target of unfounded and inaccurate attacks. These inaccurate portrayals of our services have gone uncontested in the media as part of an intentional effort to avoid lending any credibility to misinformed authors of those stories.

Unfortunately, the misinformation continues to be spread through media outlets in what appears to be an effort to damage the reputation of our company. In order to begin circulating accurate information about Sentinel and the services we provide, we have now engaged in a concerted effort to inform citizens about the operation of misdemeanant probation services. The goal of our campaign is to provide accurate information to the public for purposes of allowing each reader to reach their own educated conclusion. To that end, here are some things readers should know about the provision of misdemeanor probation and the services rendered by Sentinel.

Did you know?

An individual can only be placed on probation via a court order. A probation officer cannot sentence an individual to probation.

The fines and fees levied against the probationer are ordered by the court and often required by state sentencing guidelines.

Fees are assessed to probationers even when services are provided by the state Department of Corrections or county operated systems.

Sentinel has been providing services to the courts of Richmond and Columbia Counties for 12 years and employs more than 25 local staffers.

The probation supervision fees established in Columbia and Richmond Counties are among the lowest in the state. There is no charge to the county for the services rendered by Sentinel.

Sentinel is obligated to inform the court when a defendant fails to comply, including the nonpayment of fines. Then the court — not the company — can choose to take action against the defendant.

The courts directed Sentinel to establish appropriate deadlines for progress and completion of the requirements imposed on the probationer by the courts.

We share this information with The Spirit with hopes it will continue to seek clarity and accuracy through open lines of communication and avoid publishing inaccurate information based on slanted sources. We anticipate working more closely with the local media through this ongoing process.

Mark Contestabile Chief Business Development Officer Sentinel Offender Services Atlanta, Ga.

Rock and Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution Many on the other side of the river are none too pleased about the plan floating around to move the minor league baseball team — and its stadium, and its noise — to their own backyards. As one resident of the riverfront said, he can already hear the karaoke on weekend nights… from a bar on Reynolds Street.

The plan will be unveiled after we have already gone to press, but if it is what we’ve been hearing, look for the homeowners in the area to lose their minds.

Scanner Nerds Worst Fear Realized Thanks to the ubiquitous broadband network installed over the past year, Columbia County has officially switched over to digital communication. This will allow all county divisions to be interconnected communication wise. But… now you scanner nerds can’t pick up the CoCo PoPo. Until the technology catches up with the technology, you’re stuck listening to the Richmond County static.

20DECEMBER2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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A Prolonged Sigh And little more

When I sat down to start writing this column, I was pretty sure I knew what I wanted to say. Hell, before you even opened up the paper this week, I’m pretty sure you knew what I wanted to say.

In light of recent despicable, tragic events, Newtown, Connecticut, is pretty much the only thing anyone is talking, writing, blogging or — if you’re a politician of any stripe — hemming and hawing over. For reporters — including little two-bit laptop jockeys like myself — the story would seem to write itself.

And that’s exactly the problem: it does.

This is easily my 17th attempt to sit down, hash out my arguments and figure out the best, most original way to say something new about what a topic that leap-frogged the ditch between “national issue� and “national epidemic� more than a decade ago. Some vague statistics: the massacre that took place in Connecticut some days ago is the second or third shooting spree (the first took place at a Sikh temple not 90 minutes from where my wife and I live) that’s occurred since this column was switch-boarded from “whatever you want, Josh� to “whatever you want, Josh, but make sure to call Republicans dicks� about six months back, and God knows how many of them have taken place since I made my screaming, mucusy entrance into this world.

Right, of course this shouldn’t be happening. And I’m sure that we all observed a quiet moment of reflection before kickoff this past NFL Sunday. President Obama made a tearful speech that was rife with emotion and platitudes but short on substance, politicians and celebrities released Grave, Serious Statements, and the gaggle of perky, talking cheekbones across the cable news demographics took a break from their usual 24-hour pissing contest cycles to dust up on their Real Journalism skills.

It was all so jarring, so sad, so clear and loud a call to action. Except it wasn’t.

On a gut level, we’re all still a bit shocked. I can’t pretend to speak for those who were present at the school on the day of the shooting, or for those who lost loved ones, but it’s safe to assume a fair amount of emotional devastation and probable, lifelong PTSD. Reality never truly comes crashing until it directly impacts you, or at least touches your life in some way. How many loved ones of the Newtown victims went about their business the day after this country’s last mass shooting?

Don’t answer that. The answer is depressing.

And this is the problem: no one is surprised anymore. Mass shootings — at schools, at mosques, at churches, at camps, at military bases, wherever — have become an event so commonplace as to require from the rest of us nothing more than a going-through of motions. Did you see the footage of North Koreans “mourning� after Kim Jong-Il passed away? That’s us, only we’re not being paid and/or we don’t have tanks pointed at us. Sorry for the comparison to a hilariously inept nation, but such parallels are becoming less and less unfounded.

Every time this happens, I think, “Well, now the government has to do something about it.�

Not only is it a glaring social issue, it’s becoming more and more of a political liability for political leaders. You wouldn’t think so, though, as their reaction when something like this occurs is to see if a second thumb can fit up their ass.

One of the primary problems is, of course, special interest groups like the NRA. Make no mistake, the socio-political dialogue — and, by proxy, the socio-political zeitgeist and current state of affairs — is dominated by such special interest groups. Groups like the NRA and the National Organization for Marriage (itself a glorified hate group) are nothing more than well-heeled viper nests, preying on the insecurities and deep-seeded fears of our electorate’s loudest demographics.

Gay marriage threatens your own personal moral practices‌ how? Making guns easier to purchase — through lax permit laws and the infamous gun show loophole — keeps us safer‌ how?

The arguments are nonsensical and borderline maniacal in their Ourobouros-esque threads of logic. There’s no word yet on whether the Newtown shooter purchased his firearm through legal channels, but the specifics of whether or not he did in this specific case are irrelevant. It’s not difficult at all for an early-to-mid-20s male to purchase a gun at one of hundreds of gun shows taking place across the country on a daily basis.

This could happen at literally any time. Any. Time.

And we don’t care. At all. If we did, we wouldn’t sit idly by while s**t like this continues to go down on our own doorstep. If we did, we wouldn’t elect simpering coward babies to high office just so they can parry responsibility until the end of their terms.

If we did, this might not have happened.

Look to Australia, of all places. After a widespread gun control reform bill passed in 1996, gun-related fatalities — on both large and small scales — saw a free fall. If an island nation that saw its genesis as a prison country for bucktoothed imperialists barely a century ago can reach such a logical and effective conclusion so quickly, then what is keeping the United States — allegedly one of the more progressive, developed countries in the Western Hemisphere — from doing the same?

Look to death tolls. Look to numbers, if it makes it more real for you. Look to God, if you must.

Look to, and sit in judgment of, yourselves.

JOSHRUFFIN, a Metro Spirit alum, is a published

journalist and poet who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

Come in for a tour TODAY!

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&DOO .HOOLH 3XJK DW WR VFKHGXOH \RXU SHUVRQDO WRXU WRGD\ 353 N. Belair Rd | Evans M O R N I N G S I D E O F E V A N S . C O M 6

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Common Sense and an Ounce of Prevention Needed in Wake of Madness Conservatives have been challenged to discuss and present solutions in the wake of yet another slaughter of the innocents by gunfire at the hands of disturbed individuals.

While nothing, and I do mean nothing, will stop any killer who is smart enough and careful enough to plan a specific attack on specific individuals, there are a few common-sense, stop-gap measures that can and should be put into place to stop and prevent further attacks in these so-called “gun-free zones” that have actually become little more than target rich killing fields.

In Columbia County, if I rent any public-owned space and the attendance is expect to be more than just a handful of people, I am required to have a certified police officer on the premises. By rule, the larger the crowd, the larger the contingent of officers on hand.

So how many officers are required on the premises of any of the county’s elementary schools? That would be zero.

Currently, school resource officers are shared between middle and elementary schools, but even that arrangement is based on the whim of the current political leadership, and it could change or be eliminated completely at any time. I say we need at least one, and likely two or more, armed officers at every public school in the country, and we need them now.

Two recent out of town trips by plane put me and my family up close and personal with more TSA officers than I can even begin to estimate. Four or five in Augusta, about two dozen each in Dallas and Baltimore, and way more than that in Atlanta. I have no problem with 99 percent of these folks, and I appreciate their diligence in the face of largely angry, frustrated and occasionally disrespectful and disruptive travelers. No one is ever happy to be screened by airport security, yet we have legions of these officers in place all over the world.

So with all the massive security in force at airports, why do we seem to skimp on security in the one location where more of our most precious possessions are stockpiled in large numbers than anywhere else? It makes not one damn bit of sense, and it needs to change.

As far as others on campus who might be able to help in such a situation, I say get out of their way. In the column I wrote for the Spirit the week after the Columbine massacre, I questioned how safe my second grade daughter was sitting in her little bitty desk at National Hills Elementary School. As I learned, there was no officer on duty at the school

20DECEMBER2012

(at the time) and guns, as always, are completely banned. Just out of curiosity I contacted the only male I knew who worked on campus, Principal Harry Hamm. I asked him if he knew of any of his staff who had military or law enforcement training, and he told me there was one person who actually had Green Beret training. It happened to be Hamm himself.

I asked him if he would have a gun on campus if he was allowed by law to have one, and he said, “You better believe it!”

Obviously, such a dangerous tool would be kept under lock and key (preferably a combination lock), just like a fire axe or acidic drain cleaner. But who in their right mind can attempt to articulate an argument that a man trusted to be an elementary school principal, who was a combat war veteran with Green Beret training, is not to be trusted with access to a locked away gun on school grounds?

For that matter, who can debate that the state should offer defensive firearms training to any and all certified personnel who meet the qualifications to have access to that locked gun cabinet if and when the time for action arrives?

People seem to have forgotten we have already had one local experience with an armed nutcase intent on killing innocent school kids. In September 1988 it was Jamie Wilson pulling the trigger at the Oakland Elementary School in Greenwood, S.C. What stopped him? A phys-ed teacher named Kat Finkbeiner, who despite being shot in the hand and the face, managed to fight the 19-year-old gunman until other personnel were able to take him down. twenty-four years later, Wilson remains on death row for the murder of two eight-year-old students that day.

Seven children and two teachers were hit. No one ever shot back.

Give educators such as Harry Hamm and Kat Finkbeiner the ability to respond if ever engaged, and maybe these rampages will begin to end. At the very least, they will be far shorter in duration and body count.

Arm every teacher? That is impractical. Give trained and certified personnel the ability to respond to armed attacks in kind, and the bloodshed will be reduced.

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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ERICJOHNSON

Station Re-identification Old fire station to aid cemetery detail

Mattie Mitchell and Deputy Administrator Bill Shanahan examine the progress at Cedar Grove Cemetary

Uncovered grave

A new use for an old fire station could mean better upkeep at Augusta’s two inner-city cemeteries.

Deputy Administrator Bill Shanahan would like to take the May Park Fire Station, an unused station that once housed the Augusta Youth Center, and turn it into a Recreation Department substation to house the vehicles and heavy equipment used at Magnolia Cemetery and Cedar Grove Cemetery. He believes the station would provide better oversight for cemetery operations by relocating the supervisor from the Common closer to the cemeteries.

“Probably what we’ll do is get to the beginning of January and then we’ll redo that building,” Shanahan said. “We’ll be able to store all the equipment we’ve never had any place to store in the past.”

Currently, the equipment is kept in the open at Magnolia Cemetery.

“Face it,” Shanahan said. “It’s an eyesore.”

Not only is it an eyesore, but it’s not safe. The department has experienced both theft and vandalism from leaving equipment out and accessible to the public.

The converted fire station would also provide storage for downtown landscape and maintenance crews as well as potential meeting space. Additionally, the station could house the tents and equipment used by the city’s special events team for activities held at the Common, Riverwalk and Marina.

Special events materials are now stored in South Augusta, and moving that equipment into the fire 8

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

station would provide savings in both fuel and time.

Shanahan estimates the cost of retrofitting the station would be about $15,000, and though the cost is significant, the savings would be considerable, both in terms of equipment and supervision.

Some claim the cemeteries, particularly the historically black Cedar Grove Cemetery, have suffered neglect.

A couple of weeks ago, Mattie Mitchell was shocked to find large dirt piles in Cedar Grove when she went to the cemetery to visit her grandparents’ graves.

“They were five feet tall and 15 feet wide,” Mitchell said. “And they were covering graves.”

Mitchell said that a descendant of W.S. Hornsby, the cofounder of the Pilgrim Health and Life Insurance Company, approached her about the dirt piles, as did others, including the elderly son of one of the managers of the historic Lenox Theater, an AfricanAmerican theater that was torn down in 1978. Both were concerned about the condition of the cemetery.

“When these people purchased these gravesites, they purchased perpetual care,” she said. “So when I came and saw the dirt piles, I’m like, ‘That’s not perpetual care.’”

Mitchell estimated that at least five graves were covered with dirt, but that wasn’t the worst of it. Some graves were uncovered to the point where the caskets were visible through the holes in the ground.

Mitchell contacted Shanahan.

“Cemeteries are a whole new field for the Recreation Department,” Shanahan said. “They’ve never done it before, so it’s been a little bit of a learning curve.”

The reorganization of county government split up the Public Works department.

Part of it went to Engineering, some of it went to Environmental Services and some of it, including the cemetery detail, went to the Recreation Department.

Shanahan confirmed that he’s in the process of hiring a new supervisor for the cemeteries, which use county labor as well as inmates for some of the mowing and raking.

According to Mitchell, the clean up process, which took about a week and a half, began immediately, and while there are still some examples of slightly uncovered graves, she feels comfortable that the cemetery is now getting the attention it needs.

“It looks like a final resting place again,” she said.

“They did a good job, and we’re very pleased at how it looks.”

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ERICJOHNSON

Getting Active

City attempts to bring levee back to active status Because the Corps of Engineers has moved the Augusta Levee from “Active” to “Inactive” status, city leaders are attempting to find solutions that will bring the levee back into the fold, a move that right now requires an additional $69,000.

As a result of a U.S. Army Corps of Engineers periodic inspection in August 2010, the corps dropped the levee from a program that provides financial assistance when repairing a levee or the public structures protected by a levee if they are damaged as a result of a flood.

After a meeting in February 2011, the city was able to address most of the corps’ concerns, but the corps asked for additional information regarding two deficiencies — the Waters Edge subdivision and Port Royal, both of which are built on the levee.

“They’re saying that it could cause some problems, but we’re just basically trying to prove that it doesn’t impact the levee and then come up with a plan of action,” says Engineering Director Abie Ladson.

If successful, that plan of action would reinstate the levee into the Corps of Engineers’ PL 84-99 program, which gives the corps authority over flood preparedness. Ladson says the inactive status is not affecting the city right now, but the assessment is an attempt to head off trouble. Potentially, the inactive status could affect property owners in terms of the cost of their insurance. And should the levee be damaged in a flood, compliance would mean financial assistance in the levee’s repair as well as the repair of property protected by it.

“Most likely, the consultant will try to prove that the construction on the levee doesn’t negatively impact it,” Ladson says. “I think they’re going to throw that out there and if they don’t bite on that, they might come up with some alternatives.”

For Port Royal, the new assessment work would include a search for the original plans, a field survey and map of existing structural improvements, and a structural analysis of existing walls that retain the levee.

The main work, however, involves the Waters Edge, where plans advocate widening the levee by adding a 20-foot thick soil embankment to the land side of the levee between 13th Street and Hawks Gully, which would leave the existing Waters Edge outside the effective levee. The phased approach to this would likely produce new drainage elements and a relocated bikeway.

The Port Royal portion of the assessment will cost nearly $22,000, while the Waters Edge assessment will cost $37,500. Adding the response letter to the corps and miscellaneous consultation, the total cost of the project will be just over $69,000. The money will come from SPLOST IV recapture funds.

This cost, of course, only covers the assessments, not the cost of any actual changes.

Many in Augusta feel the levee is an unneeded structure that, if torn down, could drastically improve the downtown area by adding valuable riverfront property, but Ladson says he isn’t sure that’s realistic.

“You’ll probably pay way more money to tear it down than to keep it up,” he says. “You’re talking about hauling all that dirt out — where do you put it? To me, that’s just not feasible.”

10 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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ERICJOHNSON

Eagle’s Roost

Augusta Regional Airport wants historic fighter for new park

If Augusta’s Aviation Commission gets its way, Augusta Regional Airport will have an F-15 Eagle to anchor a new park for aviation enthusiasts. “Passengers and residents in the community have for a long time wanted access to a place to watch aircraft landing and taking off,� says Diane Johnston, the airport’s director of marketing. “We thought having an F-15 at the park would be a nice draw so folks would have something to look at.�

Located at the south end of the main runway, the park would be off Doug Barnard Parkway on General Perry Smith Parkway, a new airport road named after retired Air Force General Perry Smith, a distinguished author and well-known military commentator whose Air Force career and life in Augusta are widely recognized.

The choice of the F-15 is appropriate, since Perry, who flew 180 combat missions over Laos and North Vietnam and served as commandant of the National War College, flew the twin-engine tactical fighter during his time as commander of the F-15 wing in Bitburg, Germany.

The road named in his honor, which will be built with SPLOST funding, is part of the airport’s overall expansion,

which includes the new Fixed Base Operator facility that opened in September and changes with the short- and long-term parking lots that have drastically altered the look of the airport. “We need access to our property in case of emergency situations, since right now we have no road down there,�

Johnston says. “But what that will also do for us is open the property on the south side for the industrial park we are envisioning there.�

The industrial park planned for the 200-acre site on the southeast side of the airport would likely serve aviationrelated businesses. Such industrial parks are common at many airports across the nation.

As for the plane-watching park, Johnston says it would probably also contain picnic benches and possibly the child-size model of a Piper Cub built by Augusta astronaut Susan Still Kilrain’s father, Joseph M. Still, founder of the Joseph M. Still Burn Center. The astronaut donated it to the Augusta Museum, which in turn gave it to the airport.

The proposed park reminds Johnston of the park she used to visit growing up in Miami. “You could get out and sit on top of your car, and it felt like the planes were landing on you, almost,� she says.

Adding the F-15 to the mix, however, requires a lot of paperwork and, potentially, a lot of money as well.

“It’s all dependent on the status of the aircraft,� Johnston says. “Typically, they’ll go ahead and designate an aircraft for decommissioning and a lot of times they’ll just fly it in so it doesn’t have to be disassembled and it won’t have those costs associated with it.�

If the plane would have to be disassembled and then reassembled at the park, it would cost from $25,000 to $40,000, which wouldn’t include site preparation.

Johnston says the funds would come from airport revenue.

The value of the plane, which would be loaned to the airport by the National Museum of the United States Air Force, is $21,000 and would require an annual insurance premium of about $315. “This is just a request to see if we could get approved,�

Johnston says. “It doesn’t necessarily mean we have to take it. If we get down the road and find out it’s going to cost us $25,000 or $50,000 to get this aircraft, they’ll make the decision whether or not this is something we want to move forward with.�

Whatever the Aviation Commission’s eventual decision about the historic fighter, construction of the $4.1 million General Perry Smith Parkway is expected to begin the middle of next month.

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METROSPIRIT 11

V23|NO50

ERICJOHNSON

In the Books

Another Fit to Be Gold champion is crowned last year’s winner Chelsie Lee kisses her husband Grady, this year’s winner.

Earl Taylor went from 48 waist to 40.

Though the competition for the Season 5 Fit to Be Gold Challenge was tight until the end, the final weigh in proved to be a family affair.

Grady Lee, husband of Fit to Be Gold Season 4 winner Chelsie Lee, won a decisive victory by losing 54 pounds in the 90-day competition.

While certainly impressive, the weight wasn’t the most lost by a participant — that honor belonged to third place finisher Earl Taylor — but the official measurement for victory has always been percent of weight lost, and there Lee dominated, finishing with 22.18 percent.

Second place finisher Tim Bryant ended the competition nearly five percentage points back.

Lee will apply the $1,000 victory check toward the same thing his wife applied her money to when she won last season — tuition — but the energy and stamina he developed over the course of the three-month struggle is something he said he’ll be applying toward his future.

Collectively, the 10 finishers lost 299 pounds.

Though Lee’s win was impressive in its decisiveness, it was Taylor’s dramatic before-and-after photo op with his pants that was perhaps the most graphic testimony to the power of what one Premier Fitness trainer called DNA — dedication, nutrition and attitude.

Taylor lost eight pant sizes, and those lost sizes equaled one trainer, who was able to stand with him behind his outstretched pants.

Of the remaining 10 — the competition started with 25 — all reported a new confidence as a result of making the lifestyle changes needed to stay in the challenge.

While nobody said the three-month journey was easy, they 12 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

all expressed a desire to continue even after that final step up to the scale.

Tenth place finisher Charles McNeil, who lost 10 pounds, said he should have lost 20. Actually, he lost 30 since he started trying to lose weight in May, and while he blamed an illness for slowing his workout regimen, he wasn’t making excuses. He freely admitted to getting tripped up by pasta at a golf outing.

Seventh place finisher Antoinette Hart, who lost 12.6 pounds, spoke of working out in her living room, making the most out of the challenges that come with working odd shifts.

Beth Collum reflected on the rigorous Saturday boot camps that were new to the challenge, and she assured everyone that she was going to continue what she started.

Maybe the most confident competitor was seventh place finisher Angela Lowe, who lost 12 pounds.

“I feel great and I look great,” she said. “I have the meal plan down, and that was 90 percent.”

All had their eyes on Lee’s wife, Chelsie, who has managed to keep the weight off since winning the last Fit to Be Gold Challenge. She acknowledged that her time competing gave Lee an understanding of what to expect as well as a willingness to see it through to the results.

“He saw what I did and he was excited,” she said. “I just encouraged him.”

While she continues to participate in the Body Pump classes, she admitted that by adding muscle, she can allow herself to be a little more relaxed when it comes to eating, which is another thing that undoubtedly excited her husband now that the competition

is over.

Premier Fitness Owner Tony Dempsey reiterated the fundamental element of commitment — you have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired — and though apparently not everyone who started the competition was sick and tired enough to see it through to the end, those who did found satisfaction in their perseverance whether or not they took home the prize.

265 running 5k in january 20DECEMBER2012

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LAST NAME FIRST

By Patrick Berry / Edited by Will Shortz

heartthrob 87 High-flown poetry 88 Furnace worker 90 Coffee from Big Sky Country?

94 Coxswain’s teammates 95 It’s suitable for framing 96 No. 1 priority?

100 Smarmy preprandial blessing?

104 California’s San ___ County 106 Filmmaker Lee 107 Official seal on a Havana cigar?

108 Beverage made by squeezing fruit-filled cookies?

111 Partook of 112 Wind-chime location 113 Lagoon encloser 114 Benevolent Narnia denizen 115 ___ judicata 116 Oklahoma city 117 Looked bad in comparison 118 “The Christmas That Almost ___” (1966 holiday film) Down 1 Specifically 2 Last Oldsmobile to be made 3 Conniving sergeant of 1950s TV 4 Hanes competitor 5 Up to now 6 Frightened, in dialect 7 Proctor’s charge 8 Debating choice 9 “Holy cats!”

10 More than none 11 Low class 12 Device with a click wheel 13 Soweto uprising figure 14 Stock holder 15 Ed who wrote the 87th Precinct novels 16 Chewing-gum ingredient 17 Goes under 20 Checks (out) 23 It flows through Orsk 25 “Love Train” group, with “the” 28 Passenger ship 30 Tae ___ do 31 Venn diagram sets, usually 32 Trade magazines?

35 ___ law (acronymic 1970 measure) 36 Minor suit?

37 Timeline divisions 38 Plenty 39 Early fratricide victim 40 Sacred piece 41 Click again, maybe 44 Turn signal?

45 “Have You Seen ___” (1971 hit) 46 Word written across a bad check 47 Central parts 48 Certain female grouse 49 Like biopsies 50 Logical things to study?

51 Busybody 54 Try for a hit 55 Minor-league classification 59 Exhaust 62 Cry from Homer 64 Country’s Acuff or Clark 66 Ankle-length 67 Rest area 70 Petroleum component 72 Tick off 75 Portable diversion 76 Longing 77 Honey 79 “Girls” creator Dunham 83 One called upon to talk?

84 Suspicion 85 “Vissi d’arte” opera 86 Loud osculations 88 Private action?

89 Iroquois factions 91 Source of irritation 92 Timeworn 93 “Benny & ___” (1993 rom-com) 94 Player’s trophy 95 Lessened 97 Barrelful at a hardware store 98 Like Cuzco’s builders 99 Insurance seller 101 Place to rest a guitar 102 Fibbie 103 Musician Shankar 104 Carpal or tarsal starter 105 Unable to pass muster, say 108 Refresher 109 Uppercut target 110 G8 nation

1

2

3

4

5

6

18

7

8

9

10

11

19

22 26 30

41 45 53

56

57

61

46

76

49

66

70

71

78

72

94

84 87 91

95

92

93

96

103

107

104

97

105

106

108

109

111

112

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114

115

116

117

118

F O L K H A S H E S H A R F A V O A M E R U N S S S L O W W E N O R A N R O I L D I R E B C U P

L A N I

O P E C

O L D E

B I E R

E S M E

80

90

O A H U

B E O K

73

79

83

89

P C T S

99

67

86

102

98

60

65

77

82

101

51

55

59

64

85

100

50

39

48

69

81

38

43

47

63

75

88

37

54

68 74

17

33

36

58

62

16

25

42

44

15 21

32 35

52

14

28

31

34 40

13

24

27

29

12

20

23

PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

Across 1 Striped pet 6 Befuddled 11 Mr. ___ (old soft-drink name) 15 Variety-show overseers 18 Antipasto tidbit 19 Simulate 20 Old photo’s tone 21 Loop locale, informally 22 Entry in a metalworker’s personal planner?

24 Roast a red-breasted bird?

26 Gall 27 Like movies and bonds 28 Pounds and pence?

29 Exercised caution 32 Copies from CD to PC 33 Distresses 34 What misbehaving kids must have inherited from their parents?

37 Funnywoman Boosler 40 Nose wrinkler 42 They might not be on the charts 43 Holds up 44 Napoleon, e.g., prior to exile?

48 Stuff 49 Suffix with fatal 52 W. Hemisphere alliance 53 Soprano role in “Il Trovatore” 54 Fishing spear?

56 Verizon forerunner 57 Where many last names start with “O” 58 Shirt front clip-on 60 Like superfans 61 Has a capacity of 63 Timid swearword 65 Bit of news 67 Spoke to one’s flock?

68 Small sandwich 69 “___ that” 71 Undergo 73 1975 TV debut, briefly 74 Moocher’s most valuable acquaintance?

78 Sent texts to, in bygone days 80 Hard water 81 Meaning reverser 82 Claim findings 83 The Salt, in Arizona?

85 Forum wear 86 ___ Cassidy, 1970s teen

F A O X L E I D N L R I A V F O T R I N N O G A C T A L G U E N R C H

A N C L U B L I B A B A F A C T O R R V A N E B I T E C L A S S S A T T E S O L O O N Y E W R S L A L A T A G V O T E R E S I N C G L O A P P T O R S C L O I E R I N N S O E D T E F L O U T T O P P S S W E

S E A L O I F A F N M O M H E S S M I A F U T D

A N T O N I O

C C R I D E R

A D A M A N T

R A V I N G S

C O A T T H A T A R A

A B U S T

L A N E D

110

C O N J

U S D O

L O A D E L K E D W A R F I F O O N C I N G E D D S I Z E A M A V T A B L E P U E R A P E S T N E T A I N S E S D A Y E A R N D S C S

FROM BEETHOVEN TO THE BEASTIE BOYS Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

20DECEMBER2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 13

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GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D

The Zombie Apocalypse

Gifts to help you prepare for the end of the world (or for Christmas) With everything going on this holiday season, I’m sure that most folk have forgotten that Friday, December 21, is the end of the world. Now, we don’t know how the world is going to come to an end. Will it be an asteroid like the one that took out the dinosaurs? How about a nuclear winter? Alien invasion? Hmmm, probably not.

Of course, I’m still holding fast to the belief that Augusta is going to be overrun in a Zombie Apocalypse originating either from the Savannah River Site or the basement of the Medical College. (Likely, MCG) Either way, I hope that you’ve been watching your “Doomsday Prep’ers.”

(Side note: Have you noticed how many people are watching “Duck Dynasty”? It’s been a topic of conversation at every Christmas party I’ve attended. We all agree that when the zombies come, they are the one family that won’t have any problem adapting to the new world. Heck, Si will fit right in.)

Here’s my favorite zombie gifts for Christmas. Show some love and exchange gifts early. Chances are the zombies will be here before Santa.

The first gift is sure to get everyone in the Christmas Apocalypse spirit, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies!: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.” This collection of zombie melodies includes holiday classics such as “I Saw Mommy Chewing Santa Claus” and “Deck the Halls with Parts of Wally.” While nothing in here will actually prepare you for the end of the world, you will certainly be in better spirits when it happens. Better yet, on amazon. com you can get this book of Zombie Christmas Carols bundled with “The Zombie Night Before Christmas” and “Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill: A Book of Zombie Nursery Rhymes.”

Remember to order overnight shipping… Saturday deliver will be too late.

Preparation for a Zombie Apocalypse begins first and foremost with “The Zombie

14 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead.” Published nearly a decade ago, this guide is still the “go to” book on how to survive the hordes of undead that may be stalking you right now. The book starts with zombie physiology, then covers weapons, tactics, long-term strategy and finally presents an overview of historic zombie outbreaks.

The reference guide is incredibly thorough, and every course of action is analyzed in depth to ensure the reader understands the risks and benefits. I hope you ordered it last year. If not, don’t worry. It’ll still be a great read of what you should have done.

One of the toughest struggles in a post-apocalyptic society is simply finding something to eat. The food production infrastructure collapses just like everything else. Supermarket shelves are cleaned out by survivors, and what is not taken eventually rots. Hunting or farming present challenges due to the possibility of contamination. Fortunately, Harcos Laboratories has developed processing techniques to extract nutrients from Zombie biology. Zombie Blood Energy Potion promises four hours of energy derived from the extra strong green Zombie cells, and with Zombie Jerky, survivors can recycle the redead, undead into tasty teriyaki. All 100 percent mutagen free! Find these products and more at livingwithbloodlust.com/zombie. (Hey, zombies… how about them brains?)

The post-zombie world will also suffer from a lack of electricity. A study shows that within 24 hours of a zombie event most portions of the United States and Canada, aside from a rare island of service in a rural area near a hydroelectric source, would be without power. Now the serious planners have already constructed survival bunkers in the outlying areas of Lincoln and Burke counties, and those bunkers are stocked with at least a year’s supply of diesel. However, many of the living will be trapped in population centers without power. For these folk, devices like the American Red Cross AXIS TurboDyne Weather Alert Radio will be invaluable. The hand-crank Turbodyne is a powerful direct power transfer device that will charge a cell phone. Frankly, I’m not sure who you’re going to call once the horde descends upon you… but hey, at least you’ll have your iTunes.

So my friends, barring the end of the world, I wish you and your loved ones a safe and happy holiday! See you on the other side! @gregory_a_baker.

GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.

20DECEMBER2012

Coming Soon to Evans!

Early 2013

Our Interest is in You! 4349 Washington Road Across from Mellow Mushroom in front of Kroger www.firstbankofga.com

V23|NO50

ERICJOHNSON

Battle Royal

Sides toughen in probation battle

The battle for and against private probation in Richmond and Columbia counties has become more heated by the day, with so much volleying back and forth that it sometimes seems more like an artillery battle than a legal battle.

But the stakes couldn’t be higher.

On one hand you’ve got the fundamental right of personal liberty — the right not to be incarcerated because of an inability to pay a debt — that some say is being infringed upon by private probation’s ability to use incarceration as an incentive to pay.

On the other hand, you have the right of a private company to be able to do business, however unseemly that business might seem to some.

And the probation business is certainly plenty unseemly.

Over the course of the last few weeks, the Spirit has exposed many of its questionable practices, from a wholesale lack of accountability that leaves those on probation vulnerable to the whims of the lowpaid employees of the private probation company — in this case, Sentinel Offender Services — as well as the low paid Recreation Department employees who supervise their community service with a virtually unchecked ability to add or subtract or lose altogether evidence of that community service.

We’ve reported on specific people caught in that vortex and talked to those in other communities who have grown suspect of private probation’s lack of accountability not only with probationers, but with the communities that hire them to provide a service.

It’s unseemly, but is it illegal?

Attorney Jack Long thinks it is, and along with 16 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

attorney John Bell, he’s launched a multi-front assault that has gotten Sentinel’s attention, first with the challenge to private probation’s constitutionality and then with a challenge to Sentinel’s ability to act as a private probation company in Columbia County.

That particular battle started with a class action suit filed on November 20 alleging that because the contract required by Georgia Code doesn’t exist — it was never signed by the commission — Sentinel hasn’t been legally operating as a probation company.

That is an issue that so far Sentinel lawyers have not yet publically challenged.

To protect the rights of those in the system — those in danger of being arrested on probation violation warrants — Judge Danny Craig, who by local rule is hearing all cases related to the primary case involving Sentinel, signed an order appointing a referee, meaning that the execution of any misdemeanor probation warrant coming out of the Superior Court of Columbia County would have to be approved by him.

That order was part of a plan agreed to by the parties involved to find an orderly resolution to a knotty problem, but it was far from the last word.

On Monday, December 17, Judge Craig signed an order as submitted by Sentinel attorney Jim Ellington releasing more than 20 people incarcerated for

probation violations in Columbia County.

“In order to preserve to the parties their right to a fair and orderly adjudication of the issues in this case and related civil cases and in recognition of the dispute as to certain warrants issued by the County with regard to probationers who have been placed on probation supervised by Sentinel, which warrants

20DECEMBER2012

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have been executed, the court herby orders that the following individuals are to be released immediately on any Warrant to Arrest Probationer arising from a violation of a condition of probation issued in the case numbers set forth below,� his order reads, followed by a list of names and case numbers.

Such a large get out of jail free card is rare, but those who oppose misdemeanor private probation would argue that such an exodus is not the threat to society it might first appear. Misdemeanor violations tend to be minor and often the reason for probation violations stems from an inability to pay the fines assigned by the court and the fees assessed by Sentinel.

Now, rumors are swirling throughout the legal community that Sentinel filed nine arrest warrants in Columbia County that same day, then asked to have them recalled. Whether that is simply a miscommunication or a hardball tactic remains to be seen.

In addition, speculation is also high regarding the role of the referee now that Judge Craig has issued the order to release those incarcerated in Columbia County for probation violations. That order would seemingly leave the referee with nothing to do, yet at press time, no order has yet been filed relieving him of his duties. Given the fact that the issue of whether Sentinel has a valid contract to legally operate in Columbia County has yet to be resolved, there is still the very large outstanding issue of who is authorized to run the probation service, collect fines and supervise the conditions of probation, since cases are continuing to be tried and people will continue to be placed on probation.

F L S

HUGE Christmas SALE!

Everything Every ything g Christmas is

50% OFF! www.MARTINAS.com 706.863.7172 3830 Washington Rd, Augusta, GA 20DECEMBER2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 17

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Not quite in that Christmas spirit yet?

There are two places close by that might be able to help you out with that. Because, after all, who doesn’t like Christmas lights on steroids?

Christmas in Hopelands, at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken, will be held from 6-9:30 p.m., December 20-23, 26-27.

Free; donations accepted. Call 803642-7631. And Lights of the South, located off the I-20 Appling/Harlem exit past Grovetown traveling West from Augusta (Exit 183), is open daily from 6-10 p.m., through December 30.

It features more than five million lights in a 100-acre forest, as well as food, sweets, beverages, hayrides, walking trails, a Christmas train, a Christmas Tree maze and more. Call 706-8256441 or visit lightsofthesouth.com.

ENTERTAIN

ME

Exhibitions

Fall into Art Exhibit shows at the Arts and Heritage Center of North Augusta until 4 p.m., Friday, Dec. 28. Call 803-441-4380 or visit tbredcountry.org.

“Local Legends,” a new permanent exhibit highlighting Augusta notables, is now on display at Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Music

Christmas Eve Concert and Lessons and Carols will be presented by the Saint John United Methodist Church Choirs and Orchestra at 10:30 p.m., Monday, Dec. 24 to benefit the United Methodist Children’s Home. Call 706-724-9641 or visit stjohnaugusta.org.

Artist Tom Supensky exhibits his work until Saturday, Dec. 29 at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

Sunday Brunch Piano with John Vaughn will be held 11 a.m.-1 p.m. at The Willcox in Aiken. Call 803-648-1898 or visit thewillcox.com.

Piano Bar will be held at The Willcox in Aiken at 6 p.m., Tuesday, Dec. 25.

Call 803-648-1898 or 877-648-2200, or visit thewillcox.com.

“The Five,” Ester Melton and “T’is the Season” exhibitions show at the Aiken Center for the Arts through Friday, Dec. 28. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

Thursday Night Jazz will be held at the Willcox in Aiken 7-9 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20 and 27. Call 803-648-1898 or visit thewillcox.com.

Real Dance Music will be held with Preston, Weston and Sandra at 8 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 27 at Rose Hill Estate in Aiken. Call 803-648-1181 or visit rosehillestate.com.

Lillie Morris, Lucy Weigle and Judy Avrett Exhibition shows at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through Friday, Dec. 28. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Annual Doll Exhibition shows through Monday, Dec. 31, at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Free with museum admission. Call 706724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com.

Annual Quilt Exhibition shows through Monday, Dec. 31, at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7243576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com.

“Reflections on Water in American Painting” shows through Sunday, Feb. 10, at the Morris Museum of Art in downtown Augusta. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

“Blast From the Past” is a new exhibit currently on display at Augusta Museum of History in downtown Augusta to celebrate the museum’s 75th anniversary. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

18 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Christmas With John Berry will be presented at the Imperial Theatre Thursday, Dec. 20. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com.

A Bluegrass Christmas will be presented by the Savannah River Bluegrass Band at The Stables Restaurant at Rose Hill Estate in Aiken, 7-10 p.m., Friday, Dec. 21. Call 803-648-1181 or visit rosehillestate.com.

Behold the Star 2012 holiday concert will be presented by Barefoot Productions, Inc. 3 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 22 at the Grover C. Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. Adults $15, age 12 and younger $10. Call 706667-4100.

Kiokee String Quintet performs at 3:40 and 5:15 p.m., Sunday, Dec. 23 at Warren Baptist Church. For info call 706-860-1586.

The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass.

Call 706-364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Literary

Book Club at the Harlem Branch Library meets 4 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20 to hold their selection party for the next year. Pre-registration required.

Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

Book signing for Janaka Bowman Lewis, Ph.D., will be held 5:30-7:30 p.m., Friday, Dec. 21 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. $2. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com.

Preston and Weston will perform at The Willcox in Aiken at 6:30 p.m., Sunday, Dec. 23. Call 803-648-1898 or 877-648-2200, or visit thewillcox.com.

Poetry and spoken word open mic held at M.A.D. Studios every Thursday in December except Dec. 27. $3. Call 706-836-5683 or visit madstudiosaugusta.com.

Lyra Vivace Chamber Orchestra performs at 5 p.m., Monday, Dec. 24 at First Baptist Church in Augusta. For info visit inpraiseofmusic.org or call 706-495-4455.

Submission deadline for “Quickies,” Le Chat Noir Theatre’s short play festival, is Dec. 31. The theater is seeking original scripts by CSRA authors. Email scripts and a cover sheet with contact information to info@ 20DECEMBER2012

V23|NO50

lcnaugusta.com. Visit lcnaugusta.com.

Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults, and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration.com.

Dance

Belly Dance Class is held every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:309:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477.

Tango Night is held from 7-9:30 p.m. every Thursday, 7-9:30 p.m., at Casa Blanca Cafe in downtown Augusta. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com.

Christian Singles Dance, a smoke-, alcohol- and drug-free event for those ages 40 and over, is each Saturday night at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Dance lessons start at 7 p.m., and the dance begins at 8 p.m. No partners needed. Members $8, guests $10. Call 706-854-8888 or visit christiandances.org.

School’s Out Movies, featuring double features, will be held at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library at 2 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20 and 27. Bring your own snacks. Free. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

“Arthur Christmas” will show at the North Augusta Library 4-6 p.m., Friday, Dec. 21. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

“Polar Express” will show at the Aiken Library, 1-2:45 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 22. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Disney’s “A Christmas Carol” animated movie will show at the Aiken Library, 3-4:45 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 22. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Special Events

Columbia County Planning Commission meets 6-7 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20 at the Evans Government Center Auditorium. Call 706-868-3343 outside the county, or 311 inside. Visit columbiacountyga.gov.

Christmas in Hopelands will be held in Aiken 6-9:30 p.m., Dec. 20-23, 2627. Free; donations accepted. Call 803-642-7631.

Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are held from 4:306:30 p.m. each Friday, and from 1-6 p.m. each Saturday. Call 706-9229463 or visit vine11.com.

Theater

Historic Trolley Tour of Augusta boards at the Augusta Museum of History at 2 p.m., Saturdays. See historic sites and hear spooky legends. $2, including admission to the museum. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. Visit augustaga.org.

Auditions for Peg Tribert’s “Fox on the Fairway” will be held at the Aiken Community Playhouse 3 p.m., Sunday, Jan. 6 and 7 p.m., Monday, Jan. 7.

Call 803-648-1438.

Lights of the South, located off the I-20 Appling/Harlem exit past Grovetown traveling West from Augusta (Exit 183), is open daily from 6-10 p.m., Dec. 1-30. It features more than five million lights in a 100-acre forest, as well as food, sweets, beverages, hayrides, walking trails, a Christmas train, a Christmas Tree maze and more. Call 706-825-6441 or visit lightsofthesouth.com.

Flix

Health

Love Letters by A.R. Gurney will be performed at Le Chat Noir at 8 p.m., Friday and Saturday, Dec. 21-22. Features Meredith Anderson and Austin Rhodes. Cost is $30. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.

School’s Out Movie Matinee will be held at the Friedman Branch Library at 2:30 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20. Free. Title to be announced. Call 706-7366758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Weight Loss Support Group will be held 6-7 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20 at Doctors Hospital. Visit doctors-hospital.net.

Mobile Mammography Screenings will be held 8 a.m.-3 p.m., Friday, Dec.

21 at Internal Medicine Partners and Dec. 27 at University Hospital.

Appointment required. Call 706-774-4145 or 866-774-4141.

Bariatric Seminar will be held 6-7 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 27, at Doctors Hospital. Focuses on exploring options for medical weight loss. Drs. Michael Blaney and Darren Glass will speak. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Weight Loss Surgery Seminar will be held 7 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 27 at the Georgia Health Sciences Alumni Center. Call 706-721-2609 or visit mcghealth.org.

AA Meeting held every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aurora Pavilion in Aiken. Call 803-641-5000 or visit aikenregional.com.

Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson’s Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Members, free; nonmembers, $3. Pre-registration required. Call Claudia Collins at 706-9229664 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is every Monday at 6 p.m. and Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org.

Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets from 1111:45 a.m. every Thursday at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program is held at 6:30 p.m. every Thursday. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of Georgia Health Sciences University. Visit georgiahealth.edu.

Adapted Evaluation, a 30-minute initial and annual evaluation including medical history and water assessment, is offered at the Wilson Family Y. $25. Call 706-922-9664.

Adapted Special Populations classes offered at the Wilson Family Y. Members $10; non-members $20. Call 706-922-9664.

Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual half-hour classes for physically and

A Spa Gift Certificate 706.364.7347

Salon & Spa 706.651.0202

georgia therapeutic massage 7013 Evans town center Blvd.

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developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. Members $10, nonmembers $20. Call 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Adult Sexual Assault and Rape Support meets for group counseling. For more information, call 706-724-5200 or visit universityhealth.org.

by appointment Monday-Thursday, from 4-8 p.m., at the center at 1401 Magnolia Drive. Appointments required. Call 706-737-1625 or visit aug.edu.

Child Safety Seat Inspections and Car Seat Classes, sponsored by Safe Kids East Central, are offered by appointment at either the Safe Kids Office or Martinez-Columbia Fire Rescue. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth. org/safekids.

Families Who Have Lost a Baby Support Group is offered by GHSU. Call 706-721-8299 or visit mcghealth.org.

Holiday Tours of the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson are held from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. each Tuesday through Saturday. Adults $5; seniors $4; kids K-12 $3; under 5 years free. Reservations required for groups of 10 or more. Call 706-722-9828.

Support

Weight Loss Support Group will be held 6-7 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20, at Doctors Hospital in Augusta. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Sleep Apnea Support Group will meet 7-9 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 27 at the Resource Library at Georgia Health Sciences Children’s Medical Center. Call 706-721-0793 or visit mcghealth.org.

Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital’s Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building. All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-6516660 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Moms Connection, a weekly support group for new mothers, is held 1-2 p.m., each Tuesday. All moms and babies welcome. Free. call 706-7219351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Narcotics Anonymous meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Visit na.org.

AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Centers’ Aurora Pavilion, and includes an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com.

Beyond the Bars is a support group for those with incarcerated loved ones.

For more information about meetings, call Gerry Nail at 706-855-8636.

Diabetes Youth Support Group meets quarterly. For more information, call 706-868-3241 or visit universityhealth.org.

Cardiac Support Group meets three times a year. For more information on meetings, as well as for pre-registration, call 706-774-5864 or visit universityhealth.org.

20DECEMBER2012

Education

Computerized Greeting Cards class will be held at the Wallace Branch Library Tuesday and Thursday, Dec. 20, as part of their ongoing computer classes. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Free guided tours of the Aiken County Historical Museum in Aiken at 10 a.m., Thursday, Dec. 20. Call 803-642-2015 or visit aikencountyhistoricalmuseum.org.

Augusta State’s fall commencement takes place 2 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20, at the Christenberry Field House. Reception will be at the Maxwell Alumni House. For commencement info, call 706-737-1444. For reception info, call 706-737-1759. Visit aug.edu.

Open house for culinary students will be held by Helms College 2-6:30 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20, at the Augusta campus. Visit helms.edu.

Aiken Historic Tour takes place 10 a.m.-noon, Saturday, Dec. 22.

Reservations recommended. Call 803-642-7631.

Fort Gordon Toastmasters meets 11:30 a.m. each Wednesday in the Organizational Conference Room (Fish Bowl) on Fort Gordon Army base.

Open to public. Visit fortgordon.toastmastersclubs.org.

Adult Hebrew class is taught at Congregation Children of Israel at 10:30 a.m. every Thursday. Email office@cciaugusta.org or visit cciaugusta.org.

Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Beginner’s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Free Tutoring for all ages, offered by ASU’s Literacy Center, is available

GED Classes are held Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5:30-8 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org.

English as a Second Language (ESL) classes are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org.

The Joy of Signing meets every Thursday from 10:30-11:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Augusta Museum of History in downtown Augusta is open ThursdaySaturday 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sunday 1-5 p.m. Closed Monday-Wednesday.

Adults $4, seniors $3, kids 6-18 $2, children 5 and under free. Call 706722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Guided tours of 1797 Ezekiel Harris House offered by appointment only Tuesday-Friday, and Saturday 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Last tours of the day begin at 4 p.m. Adults, $2; children, $1. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Historic Trolley Tours of Augusta offered by Augusta Museum of History at 1:30 p.m. each Saturday. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Benefit

Harrisburg Village Christmas Open House takes place at American Legion Post 63 at 6:30 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20 to benefit the Harrisburg West End Neighborhood Association. $5. Call 706-733-9387.

Larry the Bird Man and his talented birds will perform a benefit on behalf of CSRA Happy Tails Rescue, at Quantum Fitness in Evans, 6

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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p.m., Friday, Dec. 21. $5. Call 706-210-1140 or visit csrahappytails.com.

Concerts With a Cause: Christmas Eve Concert and Lessons and Carols will be held at St. John United Methodist Church 10:30 p.m., Monday, Dec. 24.

Concert is free but donations will be taken to benefit the United Methodist Children’s Home. Call 706-7249641 or visit stjohnaugusta.org.

Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio in downtown Aiken at 10 a.m. each Friday. Participation is free with donation of a personal item to be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Pet adoptions are held by CSRA Happy Tails Rescue at the Mullins Crossing Petco in Evans from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. each Sunday and from 1-4 p.m. each Saturday and Sunday at the Tractor Supply Company. Visit csrahappytails.com.

Sports-Outdoors

The Augusta RiverHawks home games this week are as follows: The Huntsville Havoc, Friday, Dec. 21; The Knoxville Ice Bears, Saturday, Dec. 22 and Friday, Dec. 28; The Fayetteville Fire Antz, Thursday, Dec. 27. All games begin 7:35 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $10-$21. Call 706-993-2645 or visit augustariverhawks.com.

Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek.

Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@wrh.org. Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706-5560594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Zumba Sentao and Zumba classes meet every Monday and Wednesday at 6:30 p.m. at the Aiken County Recreation Center on Jefferson Davis Highway in Graniteville, S.C. $6 per class, with coupons available.

Call 706-627-1767.

Weekly Group Runs include the Monday Metro Run meeting at Metro Coffeehouse at 6 p.m.; Monday Intervals meeting at the Family Y track on Wheeler Road at 7 p.m.; the Tuesday Nacho Mama’s Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Blanchard Woods Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday Stay in Shape Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Post Office Hill Training Run at 7 p.m.; Thursday’s Homer Hustle at 6 p.m.; and Saturday’s Stay in Shape Run at 8 a.m. Visit augustastriders.com.

Augusta Canal Interpretive Center and Petersburg boat tours winter schedule runs through March 31 and is as follows: The Center is open from 9:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Hour-long Petersburg boat canal tours depart at 11:30 a.m., 1:30 and 3 p.m. Admission to Center is $6, or free with $12.50 boat tour ticket. Seniors 65+, active military/dependent and students (age 4-grade12 or with valid college I.D.) are $2. One child under 3 per ticketed adult may get in free. Closed Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 4. Groups call ext. 7. Visit augustacanal.com.

Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net.

Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. Entry fee $5; ace pool $1. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com.

Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace.

Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required.

Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com.

Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.

Swamp Saturday is held at Phinizy Swamp in Augusta the first Saturday of every month at 9:30 a.m.

Excursions feature free hikes of 1 ½ hour, 2 ½ miles through the park’s wetlands and over scenic hills.

Groups can call in advance at 706-828-2109.

Zumba with Sohailla is held every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706421-6168 or visit zumbawithsohailla.blogspot.com.

Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1:30-3:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History.

Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.

BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. Members $35 a month; non-members $50 a month. Preregistration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Kids-Teens

Holiday Craft Workshop will be held at the Appleby Branch Library at 11 a.m., Thursday, Dec. 20, for ages 3-5. Bring glue and crayons or markers. Preregistration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Gingerbread Wars kids program is Thursday, Dec. 20, at 4 p.m. at the Aiken Public Library. Call 803-6422023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706722-8878.

All Aboard the Christmas Express, a kids storytime and activity, is Thursday, Dec. 20, at 7 p.m. at North Augusta’s Nancy Carson Library. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org.

The Augusta Rugby Club holds weekly practice sessions at 6:30 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Larry Bray Memorial Pitch in Augusta. Experienced players and newbies ages 18 and up are welcome.

Bring a pair of cleats or cross trainers, a mouthguard, gym shorts and a T-shirt. Visit augustarugby.org or Facebook under the Augusta Rugby Club heading.

Winter art day camps will be held at the Aiken Center for the Arts from 8:30 a.m., Dec. 20-21 and 26-28 for ages K4 and up. Half-day $40; full-day $60. Discounts and scholarships available. Call 803-641-9094.

Hott Shott Disc Golf is held each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf in downtown Augusta, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf.blogspot.com/p/ 22 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Family Night: Gingerbread Houses will be held at the Kroc Center 6:30 p.m., Friday, Dec. 21. It will be a night of cookie construction and decorating gingerbread houses. $10 for a family of four; $2 per additional child. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

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County Public Library YA Room 2 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 22 for ages 11-17.

Learn how to wrap the boxes of presents you bring in fun, exciting ways.

Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

‘Tis the Season shows at 6, 7 and 8 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 22 and 29 at USC-Aiken’s DuPont Planetarium. Weather permitting, the observatory housing the Bechtel telescope will be open for viewing after each show.

Adults $4.50; seniors $3.50; grades 4K-12 $2.50; USC-A faculty, staff and students $1. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca.edu/planetarium.

Parents’ Night Out will be held at the Family Y of North Augusta, the Wilson Family Y, the Marshall Family Y, and the Family Y of Augusta South from 6-9:30 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 22. Kids age 2-12 can have a fun night out. Members $12; non-members $20. There is a discount for additional siblings. Financial assistance available for all Family Y programs. Register at any Family Y location or online at thefamilyy.org.

Parents’ Night Out for children ages 2-12 of deployed soldiers will be held for free at the Marshall Family Y from 6-9:30 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 22. For info visit thefamilyy.org.

20DECEMBER2012

Winter camps will be offered at the Wilson Family Y, the Marshall Family Y, the Family Y of North Augusta and the Family Y of Aiken County. Camp is held for seven days over a two-week period, beginning Wednesday, Dec. 26. For info visit thefamilyy.org.

Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Little Friends Gym, a parent and child class for those ages 6 months-4 years, is held each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov.

Story Time is held at the Columbia County Library at 10:15 and 11 a.m., Tuesdays, for kids under 2 years old; at 10:15 a.m., Mondays, Wednesdays

and Thursdays for 2-year-olds; at 11 a.m., Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for preschoolers; and at 4 p.m., Wednesdays, for all ages. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Loud Crowd, a supervised after-school program for those ages 4-12, is Monday-Friday from 3-6 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov.

Homeschool PE Time, for elementary school aged kids, meets MondayFriday, from 9-11 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Members free. Call 706-3645762 for non-member prices. Visit krocaugusta.org.

Mother’s Morning Out is every Tuesday and Thursday, 9 a.m.-1 p.m., at the Wilson Family Y for children ages 3-4. The schedule follows the Richmond County school calendar. $90 per month for members; $110 per month for non-members. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamilyy.org.

Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Story Time is held every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

youngsters (7th-12th grade), meets every other Sunday at Adas Yeshurun Synagogue. For info call 706-733-9491.

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

Registration for the next session of story times at the Columbia County Library is being offered now. Call 706-447-7657 or visit ecgrl.org.

Lap-Sit Story Time, for children under two, is every Tuesday at the Columbia County Library at 11 a.m. Story time for two-year-olds is every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:15 a.m. and for preschoolers at 11 a.m. Group registration required.

Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Kroc Trotters Running Group, for those ages 16 and older, meets at 6:30 p.m. each Tuesday and Thursday at the Kroc Center to run the trails of the Augusta Canal. $15. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Story Time is held every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Story Time is held each Wednesday at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Pre-registration required for groups. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org.

Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Story Time is held each Wednesday at the Appleby Branch Library from 10:05-10:20 a.m. for toddlers age 18-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschool kids age 3 and up. An adult must remain with the child. Call 706-736-6244.

Story Time is every Wednesday at Appleby Branch Library from 10:05-10:20 a.m. for toddlers 18 months-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschoolers ages 3 and up. Parent must stay with child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Story Time is every Wednesday at 10:15 a.m. for Pre-K, and either 11 or 11:30 a.m. for preschoolers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org.

Story Time at the Euchee Creek Branch Library, for all ages, is held each Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. and each Tuesday at 4:30 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Study Hall for teens meets Wednesdays from 3-5 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org/teens.

Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803613-0484.

Mudpuppies, an arts and crafts program for ages 2-5, is held each Thursday at 10:45 a.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov.

The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854-0149 or visit augustasoccer.com.

Kroc Tots Activity Hour, for those 5 and under, meets every Friday from 9-10 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Free, members; $1, non-members. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Fun-Time Fridays, for ages 2-5, is held each Friday at 10:45-11:30 a.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov.

Gesher, a teen program for post b’nai mitzvah 26 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Creek Freaks, a Georgia Adopt-a-Stream team of middle- and high-school students, meets regularly at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park to monitor the health of Butler Creek. Call 706-796-7707 or visit naturalscienceacademy.org.

Seniors

Dancin’ with the Young at Heart, an event geared toward those ages 50 and older although anyone is welcome, is each Friday at 7:30 p.m. at the Aiken DAV. In addition to dancing to Yesterday’s Sounds, there will also be prize drawings, snack and drinks. $6. Call 803-292-3680.

4-12 $5. Kids 3 and under free. Call 803-252-1770 or visit historiccolumbia.org.

Story time is held at the Midville Branch Library in Midville at 4:30 p.m., Fridays. Call 478-589-7825.

Magellan String Quartet performs at 11 a.m., Sunday, Dec. 23 at Sandersville Methodist Church in Sandersville. Call 478-552-3374.

Story time is held at the Sardis Branch Library in Sardis at 3:30 p.m., Fridays. Call 478-569-4866.

Story time is held at the Warren County Library in Warrenton at 10:30 a.m., Wednesdays. Call 706465-2656.

Thursday Nights at the High, a special event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, offers half price tickets from 4-8 p.m. each Thursday. A guided tour is offered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4200 or visit high.org.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

Story time and craft is held at the Burke County Library in Waynesboro at 10:30 a.m., Fridays, for preschoolers. Call 706-554-3277.

Elsewhere

Mobile Mammography Screenings will be held 8 a.m.-3 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20 at Milliken, in Johnston, S.C. Appointment required. Call 706-774-4145 or 866774-4141.

Third Thursday in Barnwell takes place 5-7 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20. Call 803-259-3266 or visit cityofbarnwell.com.

Candlelight Tours and Carriage Rides will be held at the Robert Mills House and Gardens in Columbia, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 20. Members free; adults $6; youth $3. Call 803-252-1770 or visit historiccolumbia.org.

Breakfast With Victorian Santa will be held at the Robert Mills House and Gardens in Columbia, 8-11 a.m., Saturday, Dec. 22. Adult members $8; youth members 4-12 $3. Adult non-members $10; youth

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Age Appropriate

What, and how, to tell you kids important news isn’t the same for everyone He was reading a children’s encyclopedia. The Boy has always loved reference books; you can never know too many random facts. As I got closer to him, I could see diagrams of the reproductive organs. I quietly took a step backwards, hoping he didn’t see me. Back away.

“Hey Mama? So the eggs come from the ovaries and sperm from the testes?

And it takes an egg and a sperm to make a baby?” He’d been studying.

“Yep. You’ve got it, buddy!” Pleasedon’taskmore. Pleasedon’taskmore. He didn’t ask more, and I didn’t offer extra info. He didn’t ask how the sperm and egg actually get together. His daddy can take it from here.

The point is, he wanted to know an age appropriate amount of information, and that’s what we gave him. Someday he’ll need to know how the sperm and egg make a baby. Today? Not so much.

Last Friday, as the horrific events in Connecticut unfolded, I watched the news in total shock. I emailed The Girl’s teacher and asked her to hug my baby. She did. The sadness was suffocating. I wanted to check The Kids out of school. Instead, I waited. When they finally got off the bus, tears welled in my eyes as they happily ran up the driveway. Big hugs and extra kisses.

I don’t regret it at all, but the TV was still on when they got home, with some 24-hour news source reporting the killings. The Girl, having gone straight outside to play, missed it completely, but The Boy didn’t. That’s one of the many differences between our two. The Boy wants the facts. He wants to know how and why. The Girl wants to know what they were wearing and what they had for snack.

“What do you think about all that?” I asked The Boy. “It’s terrible. Who does that to innocent children? I’m glad the guy who did it died, because he sure would have a lot of unhappy people to deal with.” In his boyish but 45-year-old way, he was soft spoken but directed.

“Does that scare you?”

“Well, it is a little scary, but I think sometimes things like this just happen.

We can’t be scared all the time. It’s like when someone dies. It’s sad and terrible, but life has bad things sometimes.”

Bless his heart. I’m so proud of my boy. I’m not proud of the fact that we live in a nation where he thinks tragic situations are as common as death, but he seems to have a pretty good grip.

Because he was up to speed, it was only fair to tell The Girl. You see, they talk about things, as kids do. I brought her in, holding her on my lap, and told her an abbreviated version of the day’s events. She rested her head on my shoulder and I held her tight. “Does that scare you?”

“A little, Mama.”

“Well, baby, if you want to talk about it more we can. Just know that your teachers do everything they can to keep you safe every day, okay?” Forehead kisses.

“Okay, Mama.”

Death isn’t something we want our kids to witness. Hell, as an adult, I’d rather not witness it either. It’s terrible and sad. But it happens. At about the same time as the first sperm and egg story, a family member passed away.

He had been sick, and he was an older man. The Boy had been to visit him days before he died. At the request of the man’s wife, we brought our then

20DECEMBER2012

five(ish)-year-old son to the visitation. As soon as we got there, I noticed the open casket. The funeral directors assured me that The Boy was too short to see anything, so we went in. Within 10 seconds, I saw the The Boy do a triple take. He’d seen it. I quickly ushered him out to hopefully avoid the “That man is sleeping!” or “Wake up Mr. Bill!” questions that were inevitable with a fiveyear-old.

As soon as we were outside, he said “Mama, that man was sleeping.”

Because The Man and I had already talked about it, I knew what to say.

“No, buddy, Mr. Bill died.” Before you call me harsh and unfeeling, please understand my tone. It was gentle.

“Oh, he can’t talk anymore?”

I went on to explain that he couldn’t eat, sleep, breathe or do anything on earth anymore. He said, “Oh, okay. So he will go to heaven, but people here won’t see him again.”

You got it, kiddo.

We’ve gotten mixed reviews regarding our approach to tragedy. The Man and I weren’t sheltered from bad news when we were little, so we’ve chosen to treat our kids the same way. Many of you believe that children should be children as long as possible. I couldn’t agree more. My kids shouldn’t have to carry the burden of these terrible things. That’s why I’m here. I know what mine can handle, though.

Death is terrible. It’s sad. No one wants to talk about it. It is part of life, though. Just like sperm and eggs.

There’s no right way to handle this. I wish we didn’t have to worry about it at all. Whether you decide to tell your kids or not, you’ll know the best way.

Before school on Monday, I reminded the kids that not everyone would want to talk about the shootings. They could ask their teachers questions or wait until they were back home with me. The Boy has wanted to talk about consequences for the killer. The Girl just wanted to sit on my lap. They’re handling it differently. We can handle it. I’m more than happy to have the chance.

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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VALERIEEMERICK

The Happy Campaign Artist’s billboards advertise… nothing but joy

where great food rocks Live Music Lineup T H I R S T Y T H U R S D AY | A C O S TA F R I D AY N I G H T R O C K S I S T E R E O T Y P E S AT U R D AY | G O O D T I M E S B A N D S U N D AY F U N D AY I S A B O A N D D AV E 12.25 ANNUAL CHRISTMAS BASH AT THE WING

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AUGUSTA I 3035 WASHINGTON ROAD 706.364.WILD I W W W. W I L D W I N G C A F E . C O M 28 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Local artist Leonard Zimmerman (aka Porkchop), is causing a bit of stir this holiday season. Billboards all over town are making people smile. But that’s the point. He wants to spread happiness.

“I work in advertising, so we make band posters and gig posters and posters for this and that and advertisements for everything and I was just thinking, why not advertise something really simple,” Zimmerman explains. “Something that you don’t have to pay for — with what I do, what is the simplest message I can put out there? And I thought about getting a random smile from a complete stranger — and I knew how that could totally improve my day, and so — ‘be happy,’ or just simpler than that, just ‘happy’.”

The campaign began over the summer with occasional posters that simply said “happy,” being posted downtown.

“Earlier this summer,” he says, “I randomly just put up a ‘happy’ yellow poster — The general ‘happy’ is yellow — yellow with black. And I just started putting them up every once in a while in different places. Then as the holidays rolled in that’s when I started thinking of how to make this bigger. I made the holiday one, the red one with the Santa hat.”

So, the idea was to randomly spread happiness. But as he mentions, he wanted to make it bigger. This is where the billboards come in.

“Thanksgiving weekend,” he recalls, “I was like, ‘I wonder what would it take to move this up to the next level,’ so I sent an email to Stuart Rayburn, at Billboard Guru. That weekend I got a reply from him. He cut me a huge deal.”

How huge?

“My idea was to put up one billboard,” says Zimmerman. “And then I met with him.

He actually worked out a really good deal where I could afford three out of my pocket. I had already paid rent, I could do that. So he signed me up for three.”

“He told me it was the ‘Happy’ campaign, and I was interested,” explains Stuart Rayburn, “so I asked him what it looked like and gave him some prices and he sent me over the artwork. I told him I would put them up for free, if he or someone else could cover the production costs, I could donate space.”

Three, soon became six.

“This is where it gets really cool,” gushes Zimmerman. “I was talking to Shishir [Chokshi], at Tire City and telling him about it, and he and Raoul [Pacheco] and some other people got together the money for three more. They’re going to be all over town.”

“We were just all going to chip in $20 or so,” says Shishir Chokshi. “I mean, people are dropping that in the bar across the street on two drinks, so I thought we can probably figure it out one way or another. Ultimately, it was just something cool to do during the holidays.”

“It’s fun and it’s positive and it’s definitely a good thing for Augusta,” adds Rayburn.

“It’s like a Christmas card for the city.”

If you haven’t seen the billboards, or if you want a little happiness of your own, there are posters and buttons strategically placed downtown that are up for grabs. Zimmerman encourages everyone to take what they need. Don’t want to bother with the fuss of going all the way downtown? Zimmerman has you covered there as well. Just visit his website, makemyporkchop.com, and click on the “Get Happy” link. From there you can download your very own PDF. 20DECEMBER2012

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Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Brandy Saal with Autumn, Rebecca Dawkins, Shae Foss with Dolly, and Diane Sharpe at Paws & Claus Cut-a-thon at Hair & Essentials Salon.

SIGHTINGS

Chip Hicks, Lauri Orr, Holley Phillips and Shane Elliott at Oddfellows Art Gallery.

Katie Poole, John Viske, Alyssa Schneider and Charles Jensen at the Chilly Chili Cook-off at the Evans Town Center Park.

SIGHTINGS

Micki Eubanks, Cynthia Hayes and Lauren Rice at Casa Blanca.

Margaret Alligood, Michael Johnson and Jessica McGahee at the 12.12.12 party at Wild Wing Cafe.

SIGHTINGS

Peter Menk, Katie Garren, Kaitlin Richards and David Thornton at the 12 Bands of Christmas at the Augusta Common.

Rhonda and Jody Dowdy with Jessica at the 12 Bands of Christmas at the Augusta Common.

Bill, Kasee and Kory Futreal at New Moon Café.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Lee and Jamie Luke with Jennifer Neal with Will Greene at the 12 Bands of Christmas at the Augusta Common.

Are you so frustrated with your computer you’ve considered tossing it out the window? Is it so slow you can barely use it? Are you having trouble getting to your favorite web page... or facebood? Are you even tempted to teake it to one of those Big Box Stores for service? Think again!

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December 20 20Thursday, Live Music

100 Laurens - Brent Lundy The First Round - Another Lost Year, Stillview, Screaming for Silence, Red Dirt Empire French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Imperial Theatre - Christmas with John Berry Joe’s Underground - Jerod Gay MAD Studios - Christian Collier, Open Mic Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Live and Local Rose Hill Estate - Preston Weston & Sandra Sector 7G - Go Radio Somewhere in Augusta - Country Line Surrey Tavern - The Joe Stevenson Band The Willcox - Four Cats in a Doghouse Wild Wing - Acosta

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Trivia, Soup and Suds Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Sky City - Festivus of DJs w/ Dr. Bread, MC Ayo K, DJ Cielo, DJ 808, DJ Ben, (Fresh*Sounds) Somewhere in Augusta - Country Line Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

December 21 21Friday, Live Music

100 Laurens - Old Man Crazy Country Club - Larry Frick Coyote’s - Dave Firmin, Rhes Reeves & the Coyote Band Doubletree - Classic Jazz The First Round - Samuel McDuffie Fox’s Lair - She N She French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Mike Baideme w/ Paul and Ryan Acoustic Malibu Jack’s - Perfect Picture PI Bar & Grill - Jazz Duo Playoff Sports Bar & Grill - The Southern Meltdown Band Polo Tavern - Robbie Ducey Band Sky City - Festivus of Bands w/ Funk You, The Reggie Sullivan Band, Young Goodman Brown Somewhere in Augusta - The Hollerers Stillwater Taproom - Jackaroe Surrey Tavern - Machine Funk (Widespread Panic Tribute) Wild Wing - Stereotype The Willcox - John Vaughn

What’s Tonight?

Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim

The Playground - DJ Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Sector 7G - Rave Until the End w/ DJs Linear North and Number5 Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

22

Saturday, December 22 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Country Club - John King Band Coyote’s - Dave Firmin, Rhes Reeves & the Coyote Band Fox’s Lair - Live Entertainment Joe’s Underground - Ruskin Malibu Jack’s - Tony Williams Blues Express P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz with Pam Bowman Polo Tavern - McKinley Band Sky City - Festivus of Bands w/ The Favors, Shaun Piazza, Brothers, Night People, Eat Lightning, M Tank Somewhere In Augusta - The Unmentionables Stillwater Taproom - Will McCranie and Friends Surrey Tavern - Merry Krunkmas w/ Funk You, Acosta and more Wild Wing - GoodTimes Band

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Karaoke with Beth Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - DJ Richie Rich Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

23Sunday, December 23 Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice (brunch) Cotton Patch - Keith Gregory (brunch) Malibu Jack’s - Playback The Band w/ Tutu Dy’Vine Patridge Inn - Sunday Evening Jazz w/ the Not Gaddy Jazz Trio The Willcox - Jon Vaughn (brunch; Preston & Weston (night) Wild Wing - Sabo & Dave

What’s Tonight?

Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Shannon’s - Karaoke with Peggy Gardner

24Monday, December 24 What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke Somewhere In Augusta - Poker Tournaments

25Tuesday, December 25 Live Music

Surrey Tavern - Tony Williams and the Blues Express Wild Wing - Annual X-Mas Bash

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke

26Wednesday, December 26 Live Music

Joe’s Underground - Sibling String Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Surrey Tavern - ‘80s Night w/ Acid Wash Wild Wing - She N She

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls

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It’s the End of the World And even if it’s not, it’s a good excuse for a party

By the time you’re reading this we could all be dead. Well, I guess you wouldn’t be reading this then, unless they have the internet in the afterlife.

If the Mayan calendar is right, we are all toast by the 21st. You could sit at home, say your prayers and hope you make it through the pearly gates, or you could call someone to babysit your kids and celebrate. The way I figure it, if we are going to die, I’m going out hammered. There are a bunch of “End of the World” celebrations going on around town, but the one that people will be talking about is the one at the Loft. I, along with everyone else at 95 Rock, have been handing out passes for the End of the World Bunker Party on the 21st at the Loft. Thanks to our friends over at Shock Top, they gave us a place to be when Armageddon hits. I hope Ben Affleck is there. The party will welcome in The Joe Stevenson Band, and the return of Will McCranie, who now calls New York City home. The invite only part of the party is from 8-11 p.m., but after that the doors are wide open. Look at it this way, by 11 we’ll be in rare form for sure. And with it being the last place you’ll be at before we’re all dead and gone, I’m pretty sure it’s a “pants optional” kind of party, don’t quote me on that.

It is good to see Will coming back to town. This guy is super talented and is going for broke. If you don’t make it into the Loft on Friday night, Saturday night he’ll be right across the street from the Loft at Stillwater Taproom. Usually when Willie Mac is on the stage, some friends will join him throughout the night. He promises to bring tears to the eyes of all the lady spectators.

I am actually starting to believe that the world may be ending. Whether it’s on the 21st or not, I read some news that proves something is wrong with the universe.

Reports surfaced this week that ABC is joining forces with Justin Bieber for a sitcom based on his life. That’s right, on the same network as legitimate comedies like “Modern Family”; Bieber will have his own show. The only plus for the upcoming, as of yet untitled, “comedy” is that Bieber will only be producing the show, not acting in it.

Next thing you know they’re going to be rebooting “Boy Meets World.” Wait a second, what?

With every huge disaster, a benefit concert is soon to follow. Last week we were all treated to 12-12-12, the hurricane Sandy benefit concert. Some of the biggest artists in the world gathered together to help raise money for the victims of Hurricane Sandy. From Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam), Eric Clapton, the Rolling Stones, Kanye West and Billy Joel, just to name a few. The biggest thrill of the night came when Paul McCartney (singer of that little band from Liverpool) was joined on stage by the surviving members of Nirvana. Kurt Cobain was unable to appear via hologram.

Reports came out that they would be jamming together, but don’t get too excited, they didn’t cover Nirvana’s “Rape Me” (that would have been epic). They did, rather, play a new song called “Cut Me Some Slack,” a track off of Dave Grohl’s new documentary “Sound City.” “Sound City,” which focuses on the history of the Los Angeles-based recording studio of the same name, will be released sometime next year. I would have killed to hear “Helter Skelter,” just saying. Do yourself a favor and pick up the concert On Demand; the 70-year-old Beatle has still got it.

Next week I’ll give out my list for best albums of 2012. Sure, maybe they weren’t the best albums to you; that’s why it’s my list. What albums are on your list? Email me and I’ll post it. Where are you partying for New Years? Where should I go? Enough questions? Email matt@ themetrospirit.com.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

20DECEMBER2012

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EIGHT

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BOX TOPS

For such short little guys, hobbits always seem to come out on top.

RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

THE HOBBIT

$84,617,303

$84,617,303

1

-

2

RISE OF THE GUARDIANS

$7,143,445

$71,085,268

4

2

3

LINCOLN

$7,033,132

$107,687,319

6

4

4

SKYFALL

$6,555,732

$271,921,795

6

1

5

LIFE OF PI

$5,413,066

$69,572,472

4

5

“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey”

SAMEIFLING

Slower than the LOTR trilogy, but still a lot of fun

The early knocks against “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” are only knocks if you’re not really interested in seeing “The Hobbit.” It’s too long? True, 170 minutes is enough time to begin worrying about bedsores.

But if you enjoy watching “The Hobbit,” which you almost certainly will, then that’s just more to love. Its 48 frames per second is too clear, too clinical? That falls shy of true hardship in a film this meticulous. The score sounds too much like the “Lord of the Rings” score? We really are picking nits now.

It’s as if we’re supposed to hold Peter Jackson’s preposterous ambition for this project against him, even after 2003’s “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King” won 11 Oscars and is now ranked by IMDB.com users as one of the top 10 movies ever. Even if he won’t duplicate that feat with “The Hobbit,” he’s going to go down trying — just check out that subtitle.

It might well have been “An Unexpected Trilogy,” for Jackson is bent on rendering J.R.R. Tolkien’s seminal 1937 fantasy novel “The Hobbit” (310 pages) into three feature-length movies, the same number Jackson made for Tolkien’s three “Lord of the Rings” volumes (1,571 pages).

Necessarily, this is a slower movie than the “LOTR” trio. But here’s what you get in exchange for your patience: easier character introductions and scenes that get to breathe, all with just as much adventure-story action. Tolkien’s novels have enjoyed terrific longevity not only because they feed (and in fact create) fantasy nerds; they’re also wonderful travelogues, discursive and embroidered with the kind of asides that pepper real journeys. In this, “The Hobbit” is its own best case for not cramming every last moment with axe fights and near-escapes, though of course those are also abundant.

After the events of “Lord of the Rings,” we find Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit, sitting to pen a memoir for his nephew, Elijah Wood’s Frodo. We’re transported to Bag End pre-“LOTR,” when a young Bilbo (Martin Freeman, of the BBC version of “The Office”) receives a visit from the wizard Gandalf (Ian McKellen, back in the Oscarnominated role) and soon finds his home overrun by a dozen boisterous dwarves.

They are staging a quest to retake their one-time mountain stronghold from Smaug, a dragon that in a long-ago fit of gold-lust overran the entire dwarf kingdom, scattering its inhabitants. The heir to the dwarf throne is Thorin (a sullen Richard Armitage), bent on avenging his fallen grandfather and father, but holding a grudge against elves

34 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

that falls somewhere shy of helpful.

Gandalf has convinced the dwarf troupe they need a hobbit — this hobbit, in fact — to join their ranks and serve as a “burglar,” for some highly dangerous but unspecified heist within the dragon-keep. Bilbo dithers, then relents to joining, yet some time must pass, and adventures befall them, before his new dwarf cohort sees him as anything more than a ninny.

If we may level a serious charge against “The Hobbit,” it’s that the action and dialogue swerve every so often into the cartoonish. For as much makeup and false noses dot this film, Jackson’s also running his protagonists through elaborate settings that often no less digital than your average Xbox game. Through it all, Bilbo and Gandalf and the dwarves tend to emerge as unscathed as Looney Tunes through some thoroughly implausible scenarios. For all its intensity, the action remains ultimately benign and the risk token.

But it also contains no small degree of fun. Jackson gives the middlebrow world of Middle Earth every chance to succeed and grants Tolkien’s vision the room it needs to thrive. Bilbo’s riddling encounter with the ring-mad Gollum (Andy Serkis again, swathed in pixels) stands out as a scene that cranks up a high degree of tension without feeling rushed. Even if we did expect this journey, we can be surprised, pleasantly, by its pace.

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COMEDY

“This Is 40,” rated R, starring Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Jason Segel, Melissa McCarthy, Megan Fox. Pete and Debbie nearly stole the show in 2007’s “Knocked Up,” so why wouldn’t director Judd Apatow make a movie about the lives of these long-time marrieds? We know that movies are rarely as funny as their trailers make them out to be but, in this case, we’re hoping against hope that this one is the exception to the rule.

“The Guilt Trip,” rated PG-13, starring Barbra Streisand, Seth Rogen, Kathy Najimy, Colin Hanks. An inventor brings his mom along on a cross-country business trip. Hijinks ensue. Probably some pretty funny hijinks since it stars odd couple Streisand and Rogan.

ACTION

“Zero Dark Thirty,” rated R, starring Chris Pratt, Jessica Chastain, Joel Edgerton. Did director Kathryn Bigelow and writer Mark Boal get classified info from the government in the making of this movie about tracking and, finally, killing Osama bin Laden? Who cares… what we want to know is which bigshot male director Bigelow is going to knock off the top of the heap when she wins another Oscar. Can’t be as exciting as when she beat her ex-husband (James Cameron) when she came out on top for “The Hurt Locker” in 2008, but it’ll still be pretty amusing if she beats Spielberg.

“Jack Reacher,” rated PG-13, starring Tom Cruise, Rosamund Pike, Richard Jenkins, Robert Duvall. Based on the Lee Child’s novel about the eponymous antihero, we’re less interested in this movie and more interested in the similarly named gay porno that’s sure to come out soon after.

FAMILY

“Monsters, Inc. 3D,” rated G, starring the voices of Billy Crystal, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi. If you or your kids haven’t seen this classic, shame on you. See it in the theaters now, before “Monsters University” comes out next summer.

FANTASY

“Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away.” Speaking of James Cameron, he produced this one, which might draw audiences sick of standard Hollywood holiday fare.

DRAMA

“The Impossible,” rated PG-13, starring Naomi Watts, Ewan McGregor. Bring an entire box of tissues to this one, about a family on vacation in Asia in 2004 and the earthquake-tsunami that separated them.

“On the Road,” rated R, starring Garrett Hedlund, Sam Riley, Kristen Stewart, Viggo Mortensen. Kristen Stewart follows up the Twilight trilogy with this adaptation of Jack Kerouac’s novel. She really likes to piss people off, doesn’t she?

20DECEMBER2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 35

Put a little

CAJUN in your stocking Monday -Thursday nights One pound of shrimp (fried, grilled or boiled) $9.99

Tuesday night

Crab Legs served with redskin potatoes and mixed green salad $7.99 a pound

Wednesday night

Bone in fried catfish over blue cheese grits and salad $6.99

*dine in only

French Market Grille West

375 Fury’s Ferry Rd. next to Earth Fare · 706.855.5111

WHINE

LINE

TO the yankee who has his panties in a wad because METRO has not told us OBUMA greased back in,and mr roundtree who thinks HE is OBUMA and is having an “inaugeration”.

Think he’s a little confused.If you are so glad to be a Yankee, please feel free to return to any rotting decaying NORTHERN city THINK DETROIT.Join the local union and reflect on the fabulous north that most are leaving to move SOUTH. If there is any belief that an all merciful god exists, the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary school should put a dagger through it.

To the person who whined that the Metro Spirit needs to move towards Windmill Plantation in the 12/13/12 edition.

You freakin Racist. I live in Windmill and serve others in Richmond County on a weekly basis, working with Golden Harvest, the Bridge Ministry, Turn Back the Block etc. Quit whining and go serve others, you northern racist.

How can a local bank be allowed to refuse a replacement debit card to an elderly homeless woman because she lost her ID. She needs her money to get off the street.

I’ve noticed there are a lot less Austin bashing whines.

Could that mean that Augusta’s resident Austin hater, herbal enthusiast and general malcontent has left the AUG for good?

Hmmm, maybe she decided to move out to Washington state now that they legalized pot.

To the Person(s) in Harlem,Georgia who shot my Friendly,Loveable Pet Beagles multiple times-Santa Claus is not going to visit you this year.

So the daily papers now asks for prayers? Typical of them to push for one religion above others because it’s THEIR religion. May Allah not bless them on this scheme.

V23|NO50

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

the mantra of the corporate world - that being: “Management makes offers and unions make demands” when he stated, and I quote: “But still their demands were made and still their demands were met.” After reading that I have four questions in my head; 1.) Do you know that CEO pay to worker pay was at a ration of 42:1 in 1980? 2.) Do you know that CEO pay to worker pay was at a ratio of 380:1 in 2011? And because he mentioned G.M. and Chrysler - 3.) Do you know that G.M. CEO Daniel F. Akerson recieved $7,702,743 in total compensation for 2011? 4.) Do you know that Chrysler CEO Sergio Marchionne recieved “no money or shares” (wink-wink) from Chrysler but, recieved $4.5 million as CEO of Italian manufacturer FiatSpA for 2011? Million$ paid to CEO’$ and labor makes $70k or $80k(?) and it’s labor that’s sinking the company like it’s the Titanic? Please!

Glad to see Jenny back. Thought some evil had taken place.

The gall of that woman is amazing. She makes Loretta Lynn sound like a MIT grad, yet she mocks a fellow republican as “Honey Boo Boo”? As far as hospitality goes, at least the photo of Lee Anderson doing the nasty was photoshopped.

“Nana’s” own made the rounds long before that capability came along. Shudder. bill ‘nasty’ maher loves to make fun of Christians; he mocks their prayers, claims they are talking to “their imaginary friend”. in light of the recent tragedy in connecticut and his boy the prez surprisingly getting up in front of the whole nation and using the “G” word and praying publicly and all that, do you suppose bill ‘nasty’ maher called his boy the prez and made fun of him as well, asked him why he was praying to “his imaginary friend”?

I don’t want to put words in Austin Rhodes mouth but, he seems to think “labor & unions” have destroyed the automotive industry. Interesting. And he almost trotted out

38 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

20DECEMBER2012