Metro Spirit 11.24.2011 by Metro Spirit

TABLE of CONTENTS

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621 nw frontage road, augusta, ga 30907 METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

WHINELINE I didn’t let stormy weather keep me from the opening night of Costco...the samples rocked!!! That is a funny cover! Poor old Fred! You guys have certainly had a little fun with him! Josh Ruffin is the best thing that ever happened to this rag.. I sure wish the weather reporters would stop that dramatizing. They are not soap operas! Stop using up all the news times to repeat over and over again how the rain is nasty, not too bad or otherwise less than titanic and give us real info. I barely caught at least the mention of a downed traffic light in an area amidst the millions of boring words in front of bright boring graphics of our CSRA area. Oh Metro Spirit, please, please bring back those coupon savings you all used to have with the downtown restaurants. The economy’s so bad, we really need some help with meals again. Please? What? Austin Rhodes finally made a lot of sense in noting Fred Russell’s negatives? Is the world about to end? Did Austin suffer a stroke and become sane? Metro Spirit, please make sure he gets a mental evaluation to help ... keep him this way! Here’s goes another dumb rule: Cut the sheriff’s budget just as crime rises for the holidays or whatever. Something else needs to give! I hope the Augusta Public Transit will FINALLY clean off that seat where the man sat who was leaking obvious body ... discharges through his pants. And he stank to the

METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

heavens as well! This was the 2nd day in a row so they should have been able to clean it off before the first run of today. That is a health hazard! KUDOS to those Richmond County teachers who work hard every day even though the RCBOE has reduced their average gross pay by at least $1K per year. If you can’t figure out what Ruffin’ It was trying to say, if you can’t understand what all this frustration from the Occupy Wall Street is about...then the “nebulous ‘they’” is YOU. Augustatek forgot a few more flaws with the Apple iPad 2...screen discoloration, connectivity issues, no 4G option, get outdated quickly (rumors of an soon-to-be iPad 3), and no Flash (so no Vevo, Hula, or Facebook games). Just sayin’.

because I didn’t have enough left on my card..it would’ve only taken a second to reload it, but you were so generous and really wanted to do something nice. It made my day, I have passed it forward, and we need more gentleman in the world like you. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

I think it is disgraceful for skeezy bar owners to take advantage of high school kids looking to make a little money for the holidays. So the owners of the haunted house make a pile of money and the employees get nothing? Something isn’t right with THAT picture!

please go away. your paper sucks. I am sick and tired of seeing all these big people on your “sightings” segments. What about us dwarfs? I never see any dwarfs or midgets grinning and laughing in these pictures. We may be harder to “sight” than the biggies but if you’ll just look a little lower, you’ll see us. We’re down there somewhere. There must be some place other than the crossword page to put the funeral home ad. The puzzle is so small now it’s unreadable.

Who edits this paper? Anyone? It’s almost unreadable. Local clubs/events need an overhaul when it comes to how they treat musicians. They have the mindset to use local musicians for clubs/ events and not pay them a damn thing. Now they have the gall to judge/critique us local musicians. This is AUGUSTA,GA NOT AMERICAN IDOL. Be glad to have ANY live music. Dont forget, it’s the BANDS,BOOZE,and CIGARETTES that keep you in business, so the next time you ask a band to make an appointment to speak with you, or not pay bands anything, remember the bands bring the patrons, patrons keep events/clubs in business.

up THUMBS

Katniss Everdeen

down THUMBS

Bella Swan

to the gentleman that bought my coffee

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WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Eating yourself silly Because if you can’t consume 10,000 calories in one meal and then lie comatose on the sofa in front of the football game on Thanksgiving, when can you?

WERECOMMEND LETTER TO THE EDITOR Firefighters don’t “shake people down” To the Metro Spirit In response to the person who wrote the complaint about the firefighters “shaking people down” for money for Muscular Dystrophy on Labor Day: I have never heard of such stupidity in my entire life. I am the wife of a Richmond County Fire Department captain and the mother of a Martinez firefighter. You just accused the entire Fire Department of “skimming” the money that is being collected for Muscular Dystrophy, “grubbing” for money at stoplights and comparing them to the Klan. Well, there is not a day that goes by that I am not proud of what my husband and son do every day, even if it includes risking their lives for stupid people like you. You must be one of the lucky people in the world that has never had to watch someone suffer or die from a devastating disease, never had to be rescued in a car wreck or never had be saved in your burning home. I hope and pray you never do. Or, in your case, I think you need to experience the real world like most of us. Experience a family member that has or had cancer or Muscular Dystrophy and maybe you won’t have a problem giving to the firefighters standing on street corners in the heat. Experience a wreck where you are pinned in/under your car and praying you make it and look up and see a fireman’s helmet climbing in the window for you. Experience a fire where you are trapped and you look up and see what looks like a monster coming at you and sounds like Darth Vader. They are not only firefighters, they are the first responders. Lucky for you, they are not given the privilege of choosing whom to rescue or whom not to.

LOOK FOR THE

Carolyn King Whisnant

15th Annual Gift Guide NEXT

Thursday V. 22 | NO. 65

METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

INSIDER

INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

Minority Report The colors of redistricting

Given the racial tensions on the commission as well as within the community right now — and you need look no farther than last week, when three of the four black commissioners walked out just in front of the budget vote, to see just how tense things really are — it’s probably not surprising that a second racial front seems about ready to open up. The redistricting committee, which needs to submit a new map of Augusta’s voting districts to the state legislature by the time it convenes at the first of the year, shows no signs of rising above the narrow mindedness that caused it to be required in the first place. At the last meeting of the ad hoc committee, a map pushed by State Senator Hardie Davis was soundly rejected, but white committee members are leery about the two remaining maps, alleging the idea behind them is not just to even the racial scales, but to tip them heavily to black control by spreading the black population across multiple districts. This would make black candidates potentially more viable in more districts. While some would call it evening the score, white commissioners are certainly worried about the potential loss of their political powerbase and the clout that comes with it. While their current counterweight, Matt Aitken, has voted with an eye toward not alienating black voters, who make up the majority of his district, he is nevertheless considered a weak candidate likely to lose reelection to whatever black candidate he finds himself running against. In other words, the almost certain loss of District 1 could easily return the commission to its traditional racial balance without any second front at all. Throw a typically white district into racial jeopardy through the efforts of

the redistricting committee, and you’re looking at a huge power swing and a fundamental change in the political look of Augusta. While expressing frustration at the process, at least one commissioner is outwardly cringing at this very real possibility of such a change. “If we don’t consider any other maps, that’s going to change the political makeup of future commissions and boards and everything else,” he said. “All I see it doing is making things

worse, not better. People might disagree with me, but I haven’t seen leadership out of the black community on how to balance the budget or anything else, so why would I think it would be better?” Pretty tough words, but it’s tough to mistake the conviction in his voice. Add the possibility of Al Mason as mayor, and that voice sinks deep into a vocal despair. “I’m looking to see how quick the city goes broke under Al Mason’s leadership,” the commissioner said. “All

he does is vote against things.” What’s really interesting, however, is whether or not the white committee members feel strongly enough about being marginalized to initiate a discrimination lawsuit. It would take some pretty serious political nerve to do it, but more than a few white politicos are wondering aloud about whether minority population applies to all minority populations or just the black population.

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SAYWHAT?

I know you are, but what am I? Local internet search cooperative issues challenge

Local person Jill Petersen took exception to being made fun of on Austin Rhodes’ program last Thursday and took the high road. By issuing a challenge to both Austin and Joe Bowles. To an IQ test, emailing her challenge to the mayor, Richmond County Commission and most media outlets. And guess what? We were one! JOY!! The nerd off has yet to be scheduled, however Commissioner Bowles responded, “Thanks Jill, you pay for the IQ test and I will be there, so let me know where we need to take this and I will be there.” The there’s have it! Not to be out flustered, the Mayor chimed in with, “I’ve always gotten huge kick out of folks constantly claiming that I grew up on the hill when I was born in Canada, grew up in Columbia County and graduated from Evans in 1985 (which it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to confirm I might add), but I guess these folks figure that if you speak a lie a certain number of times it somehow becomes the truth. At the end of the day this stuff becomes so ridiculous that the best thing to do is just see it for what it is and laugh it off.”

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Mmmk. BOY HOWDY! Luckily for the taxpayers of Augusta, this was actually made up to show what

can happen when adults in positions of power lose their minds. Except… it’s not made up. Sorry!

METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

The Law and “Justice” Are Often at Odds “Boy... you know what a Superior Court judge can do? Any damn thing he wants!” — Late Augusta Circuit Superior Court Chief Judge Franklin Pierce to a brand new assistant prosecutor on his very first day in court Before you accuse me of making that quote up, let me tell you who Pierce was talking to: current Columbia County Chief Magistrate Judge Bobby Christine. But don’t think Judge Christine was singled out; virtually every young prosecutor was told that as they stood before the curmudgeonly jurist for the first time, according to current Superior Court judge and former District Attorney Danny Craig. Simply put, within reasonable limits, the judge was right, which is why I was baffled when I was told about the way Judge Mike Annis handled the now infamous Keena Ware case that played out in his courtroom a few weeks ago. Ware, convicted in the recent past on multiple charges of DUI, was again facing the charge, this time with three of her children, ages 8, 5, and 4, in the car with her. Oh... and an open beer that Ware

METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

said was her third of the night. Not likely. Ware was pulled over for speeding and, according to police reports, tested at a blood alcohol level of .237 on an Alco-Sensor test, which indicates she was possibly three times over the legal limit of .08. Experts say that such a high reading for most adults is usually indicative of ingesting between 10 and 14 12-ounce beers in the hours prior to the test. Sadly, the Alco-Sensor test is only used to show that other legally binding tests are called for and is not admissible in court. Ware was savvy enough to refuse any other test at the scene, which means the court had to rely on witness testimony to determine if there was to be a conviction. The only witness called in the case was Deputy Albert Parrish. He was the second deputy on the scene and arrived only after the original officer followed Ware, with blue lights running, to her home, just over a mile from where she was first spotted. For some reason, the original officer, Deputy Daryl Broome, was not called to testify. That is an obvious mistake, but it should not have been a fatal one. There

was overwhelming documentation that the woman was likely intoxicated, but Judge Annis insisted that he needed to hear from the officer who actually saw Ware driving too fast. Assistant District Attorney Natalie Paine was unable to get in touch with Broome at that moment to secure his testimony, so Judge Annis acquitted Ware on the DUI charge for insufficient evidence. He did give her a $250 fine for driving with an open container and sent her along her way. The case has been debated for Judge Annis’ insistence that he hear from an eyewitness. If this line of reasoning is followed, we can assume all of Deputy J.D. Paugh’s upcoming cases will be dismissed, because the late officer certainly cannot testify from the Great Beyond. At least they will be dismissed in Judge Annis’ court. I was contacted by two local judges in this situation about why Judge Annis would not go to a greater effort to get the eyewitness to court if it was so important. An adjournment for the day would have done the trick, and it happens all the time. A Superior Court judge can do such a

thing staying completely within the letter of the law, and drawing not one hint of trouble from any appeal court in the country. At the very least, why not weigh Ware’s previous DUI convictions into the sentence on the open container, ordering mandatory alcohol treatment, and requiring that she put an ignition interlock device on her vehicle to guard against future drinking and driving episodes? How about ordering DFACS to investigate the home life situation of a multiple DUI offender convicted of driving with an open container with her three small children in the car? As Judge Pierce used to say, a Superior Court judge has the ability to do many things, as did Judge Annis in this case. For some reason, he simply chose not to do them. He did follow the law in his acquittal, but he could have followed the law in many other ways that would have been far, far better for all involved, especially Ware’s three kids. Just like O.J. Simpson and Casey Anthony, Keena Ware got the law, but she likely did not get justice.

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It’s Christmas-time in the small town of Fayro, Texas, and the Futrelle Sisters – Frankie, Twink and Honey Raye – are not exactly in a festive mood. A cranky Frankie is weeks overdue with her second set of twins. Twink, recently jilted and bitter about it, is in jail for inadvertently burning Raye is desperately trying to keep the Tabernacle of the Lamb’s Christmas Program from spiraling into chaos. But things are not looking too promising: Miss Geneva, the ousted director of the previous twenty-seven productions, is ruthless in her attempts to take over the show. The celebrity guest Santa Claus – played by Frankie’s longsuffering husband, Dub – is passing a kidney stone. One without pulling his little red wagon behind him. And the the Band Boosters’ Pancake Supper. And when Frankie lets slip a family secret that has been carefully guarded for decades, all hope for a successful Christmas pro-gram seems lost, even with an Elvis impersonator at the manger. to pull together in order to present a Christmas program the citizens of Fayro will never forget. Their hilarious Eve is guaranteed to bring joy to your world!

METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

METRONEWS

ERICJOHNSON

Cart Before the Horse

Commissioner worries that moving ahead without a contract compromises the county’s position Charles Allen

Progress at the fast-growing Gateway has slowed a bit with word that Columbia County’s loose partnership with the Family Y regarding the 47,000-square-foot exhibit hall has hit a snag. According to Administrator Scott Johnson, the hitch, which came after the county decided to redesign the building because the price tag came in about $1 million over budget, is relatively insignificant. “They wanted to reduce their footprint a little bit,” Johnson says. “They came to us and asked if we would reduce their square footage, which eventually would reduce their

rent, and since we were doing a redesign anyway, we said yeah — we would include that in the redesign.” The Family Y’s section will decrease to 16,500 square feet from the initially planned 20,000 square feet, which would lower the Family Y’s rent while giving the county a little bit more meeting room. The plan has always been for the Family Y to rent part of the building from the county while it prepares to build its own stand-alone Gateway facility, at which point the Family Y’s portion of the building would revert back to the county. Given the fact that the Family Y

was willing to pay for their part of the $112,000 redesign fee, Johnson says he feels comfortable with the agreement. Commissioner Charles Allen, however, doesn’t see the move as reasonable or even particularly prudent, especially given that the county has no contract with the Family Y regarding the facility. “We had an agreement, but the Y came back and said that based on the previous years and the cost of everything, they couldn’t live with the project with the contract they signed,” he says. “They made a counter and the counter was just too low. So we countered back to them, and they haven’t signed it.”

Allen says that the two sides are separated by a significant amount of money. That lack of an ironclad agreement doesn’t settle well with Allen, who registered the lone vote against the agreement at last Tuesday’s commission meeting. “Our board said that they could move forward with the design,” he says. “I know we don’t have a contract. Sure, [CEO Danny McConnell] is a great guy and he’s certainly a man of his word and his intentions are excellent, but we don’t have a contract.” He says he worries the lack of agreement puts the county on perilous footing. “We gave the approval for the architect to go ahead with the redesign, but what is he redesigning?” Allen asks. “What happens if the Y decides against it — we’ve wasted that money. Or if we ultimately say, ‘We’re not sure what the Y’s going to do,’ so we design it for the county to use the whole thing — then we’ve wasted that money. I’d just like for them to go ahead and sign that contract.” He says he feels his opposition comes from his desire to look out for the county’s bottom line. “I just know that when you’re dealing with public money, you can’t do it on a handshake,” he says. “You have to do business with signed documents, and right now we’ve got a gentleman who says he’s fully, 100 percent behind it, but we don’t have a contract.” He insists his concern doesn’t come from distrust, just a sense of fiscal responsibility. “I’m happy to see the Y in there,” he says, “but if the Y were not to go in there, I would like to see a little different approach to it.”

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ERICJOHNSON

Picking Up the Pieces The commission contemplates what’s next

Deke Copenhaver Going into this year, Mayor Deke Copenhaver was actually excited about the commission. What a difference a year makes. Or a few days. In the last week, Augusta has had an administrator looking to leave, a long-awaited court ruling and three

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commissioners walking out of a commission meeting just before the vote on next year’s budget. “I couldn’t tell you exactly what’s going on,” Copenhaver said of the crazy way the year has turned out. “But I will say that I’m hopeful for a change now that the lawsuit has

been thrown out and it’s shown that the commission’s actions involving the Personnel Policy and Procedures Manual have not been illegal by any means.” Commissioner Bill Lockett, who, along with fellow black commissioners Alvin Mason and J.R. Hatney, walked

out in protest of several aspects of the handling of the last commission meeting, said he will not allow the ruling to inhibit his way of serving on the commission. He said that earlier, General Council Andrew MacKenzie would not seek a ruling from the attorney general

METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11 11

EITHERWAY

By Jeremy Newton and Tony Orbach / Edited by Will Shortz 95 “We totally should!” 97 One-on-one job for a ladies’ man? 102 Spin meas. 103 Place to buy stage props 104 Stanza alternative 106 Former J.F.K. line 109 Rug type 110 “Son of Darius, please confirm my dog is male”? 113 Hip-hop’s ___ Def 114 Rein in 115 Denizens: Suffix 116 Risk 117 Approx. 118 Guitar great Paul 119 Emergency broadcast 120 “Do it” DOWN 1 “Don’t think so!” 2 Ooplasm locale 3 Take back 4 Picture of health, for short? 5 Best effort 6 Long Island county west of Suffolk 7 Part of GPS: Abbr. 8 1970 #1 R&B hit for James Brown 9 Not be spoken aloud 10 Rx qty. 11 French clergymen 12 Way passé 13 One who gets things 14 1998 Masters champion Mark 15 It may be settled over beers 16 Nativity figure 18 Stopping point? 20 A lack of compassion 23 Come full circle? 25 “Reading Rainbow” network 28 “That … can’t be …” 29 Busy 30 Send out press releases, e.g. 32 The Auld Sod 33 Former N.B.A. star Spud 34 A pastel 35 “Shoot!” 36 It’s stunning 42 Pres. Carter’s alma mater 43 Candy company whose first flavor was Pfefferminz 44 Federal org. with inspectors 45 Cry with a forehead slap, maybe

47 Pipe fitting 48 Drains 49 Cities, informally 50 Down in the dumps 55 Dashed fig. 56 They may be sore after a game 57 Nest egg option, briefly 58 Big ___ 59 Italian article 60 Start of an aside, to tweeters 61 Jah worshiper 62 Total 63 Hampshire mother 64 SoCal squad 65 See 93-Across 66 Italian vineyard region 69 “Too bad!” 70 River islands 71 Whom Han Solo calls “Your Worship” 72 Constantly shifting 75 TiVo, for one 76 Press 77 They may be metric … or not 78 Dedicated offerings 80 Deluxe 81 Completely flip 82 Scaloppine, usually 83 Show, as something new 84 Curio displayers 85 Sound dumbfounded 86 Their necks can turn 270 degrees 90 Repulsive 91 Skirts smaller than minis 92 Having a policy of reverse seniority? 94 Top 40 fare 96 Lead’s counterpart 98 Wedded 99 Producers of scuff marks 100 “New Sensation” band, 1988 101 Former telco giant 105 Get back to 106 “That’s a fact” 107 “#1” follows it 108 Given the heave-ho 110 Sorority letters 111 Roxy Music co-founder 112 A street drug, for short

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A D I N O N N O F L I F O T L I R C E L A G E N N O G A I N E D O W P A W I S H N Y O A M A S M I D O A C H N E T N R I E I N R B E

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PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

ACROSS 1 Followers of William the Conqueror 8 ___ Pepper 11 African menace 14 Part of a sentence: Abbr. 17 Tracing paper, e.g. 18 Twosomes 19 Partner of raised 21 Who said “Learn from the masses, and then teach them” 22 Students err? 24 Bonus reel fodder 26 Punk offshoot 27 Pistil complement 28 “10” in a bikini 29 Oklahoma city 31 Medusa killer takes his agent to court? 33 Feel that one’s had enough, say 37 Temptation 38 Singsong syllable 39 Part of N.C.A.A.: Abbr. 40 Rig 41 Foreign tender? 44 Open hearings in courts 46 Reinforced ice cream container? 51 What Eng. majors pursue 52 Kay of “Rich Man, Poor Man” 53 “That’s it!” 54 Info on modern business cards 56 Just sort, supposedly 58 Inferior tour vehicle for Snoop Dogg? 63 One side in a bullfight 66 Em and Bee, e.g. 67 Up 68 Recollection from a winter tourist in Poland? 71 Cut, in a way 73 It serves a duel purpose 74 Flip of a flop 75 Bit of progress 76 One encountered in a close encounter 79 Disparaging Argentine leader badly injured? 87 Ads 88 Perks 89 “Shucks!” 90 Actress Thurman 93 With 65-Down, stuck 94 The old man

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as long as the case against the city was still active; therefore, given the ruling, he said he will soon revisit the issue with MacKenzie, which is an indication that Lockett will continue his refusal to acknowledge the legality of the city’s reorganization, which occurred with six votes rather than the eight votes Lockett and several black politicians feel was required to make such a significant change to Augusta’s government. Last week, Superior Court Judge David Roper ruled that giving the administrator expanded powers did not violate the city charter, something Lockett and the black commissioners have insisted it did. “The personnel manual is a policy decision,” said Commissioner Jerry Brigham. “Policy decisions require six votes.” Lockett, however, said he views the controversy over the manual as a destructive gulf between factions of the commission that is affecting the marketability of the city. “We’re trying to talk about economic development,” he said. “Who in their right mind wants to come to Augusta and see all this going on? I really hate to be a party to that.” Oddly, Copenhaver used the same example in his call for unity, saying

“us” and “them,” said it probably won’t be until after the next election cycle before there is a chance to regain a sense of community among commissioners, and while he expressed frustration at the lack of unity, he was also frustrated by the big government leanings of the black commissioners. “When it comes to being efficient and streamlining or coming up with ideas to save the government money — I guess it’s not in their portfolio to do that,” he said. Beyond that, however, he said he remained puzzled at some of the recent maneuvers, like walking out of the commission meeting, which, though symbolic, failed to achieve a practical result. The budget was passed without them. “If you’re going to take a stance and make it work, get enough people involved,” he said. “If you ever see me put somebody on the agenda to be fired, you can go ahead and say that person’s fired, because I will count to six before I put it up there.” He was speaking of the multiple failed motions to terminate Administrator Fred Russell, who just last week was among the finalists for the administrator’s position in Sarasota, Florida. He finished third out of four. Lockett said he saw Russell’s failure

“If you ever see me put somebody on the agenda to be fired, you can go ahead and say that person’s fired, because I will count to six before I put it up there.” that a stable government is vital to attracting outside companies, while wondering out loud how many companies may have crossed Augusta off their list before even approaching. Despite the similar tactic, Lockett has increasingly blamed Copenhaver for the growing divide. Moments before walking out of the commission meeting, Lockett singled out Copenhaver as an agent of dissension for allowing the policy manual discussion to occur the way it had, bringing up an earlier conversation between the two where he had talked about the need for civility. “But it wasn’t worth anything because he still sided with the gang of six and they passed it anyway,” he said. “When we have the mayor being part of the problem, then I don’t see a great future there. It’s sad, but I’m telling you it’s the truth.” Guilfoyle, who like many characterized the commission as

to gain the post as evidence of the administrator’s checkered track record. “I think that my colleagues and the people of Augusta see what some of us have been trying to tell them for at least the past year,” he said. “Sarasota recognized it, so why are we so behind?” Brigham, who has also been critical of Russell’s performance, has reserved the majority of his criticism for Lockett and Mason’s ineffective political maneuvering. “They don’t know Robert’s Rules of Order,” he says. “They don’t care to learn them, but if you’re going to play the game, at least play by the rules. I’ve had them slammed in my face before — why do you think I knew them? I paid attention. When I lost, I learned to do the things I needed to do to win.”

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GREGBAKER

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Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone is enjoying the start of the holiday season. We’ve got a few juicy items from the tech world this week, so let’s just jump in. This past week, the U. S. House Judiciary Committee held a hearing on the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA). The act is an overarching piece of regulation that would effectively institute censorship of the Internet. It works like this — Any intellectual property holder, by means of a letter with no judicial involvement, can require network operators, advertisers and payment processors to cut off all access to any site the property holder names as an infringer. The current safe harbor protection provided to social media sites like Facebook, Google and Twitter would be overturned, making these sites liable for content or links to content upload by users. In addition, provisions of act would allow DNS filtering of international sites, creating a blacklist of international “rogue” sites and remove access to these sites from within the United States. Current law includes provisions for notification and taking down of copyrighted content. While these provisions may not be perfect, any weaknesses certainly don’t justify the implementation of a system that disregards due process and institutes outright censorship. Rep. Broun and Rep. Barrow — I hope you have this bill on your radar. I am a strong believer in personal property and copyright protections, but there is no room for this type of legislation in a free society. Now, to the debut of Ice Cream Sandwich! The Samsung Galaxy Nexus with all of its curved-glass sex appeal went on sale in the United Kingdom this past week. The Galaxy Nexus sports version 4 of the Android OS, aka Ice Cream Sandwich. For those into specs: 4.65 inch, 720p screen; a dual-core 1.2GHz processor; 1GB RAM; a 5-mpix camera with low-light shooting, zero shutter lag and 1080p video; a 1.3-mpix front-facing camera for video chat; and more. Of course, specs seem to matter less nowadays — it’s all about the experience. And the experience of the Galaxy Nexus is the new Android OS. Ice Cream Sandwich is a fairly complete refresh of the user interface. It’s being marketed as a simpler interface, but there are also a number of high-profile features such as photo editing, face recognition to unlock the phone, and Android Beam utilizing nearfield communication (NFC). Bottom line? The Samsung Galaxy Nexus is a sexy looking phone with a refreshed OS. But does the overall experience match the Apple ecosystem. Well, first things first. Let’s get it released in the United States. The consumer will take it from there. Google Music also went online this week. Google Music is a cloud storage service that allows users to upload their library and stream from any browser, Androiddevice or Google TV. Google is also adding music to the Android App Store (three of the four major labels are on board) and integrating the service with Google+. It’s a good advance for Google, but in the overall view of the mobile ecosystems, it’s more like ketchup, as in catching-up with what Apple and Amazon already have. For example, the iTunes Match service got a lot of press this week. Instead of waiting the lengthy amount of time it takes to upload a large library, Match will detect the songs in your library and provide streaming rights for those songs. Google Music provides a feature that should resonate with independent artists. Google Music’s Artist Hub allows artists to distribute their own music and set their own price for songs. The artist can create their own page for $25 and keep 70 percent of the sales revenue. Finally, we all know this is the week of clean, old-fashioned hate! The socalled Dawgs will be travelling to Atlanta to face the morally, mentally and technologically superior Yellow Jackets. Obviously, I understand that not all of you feel this way. Augusta is a one-dog town, after all. All I can say to that is THWG! See you on The Flats! Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet. Tweet me @gregory_a_baker. L8R. Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. V. 22 | NO. 65

JOSHRUFFIN

Finally, a Happy Column Because if beer can’t make you happy, what can?

warmer beers for five economic tiers. Accordingly, these range from the reasonably available (the first four can be and have been found in and around Augusta) to the stupidly rare. Enjoy, and envy. $20,000 and under: Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale Sierra Nevada is the Ocean’s film series of breweries. Undeniably solid, but rarely transcendent (though you should really check out the nowretired, but still randomly available, Jack and Ken’s ale). Sure, it costs more than the usual swill, but you can snag a 12-pack of this stuff for under $17 in most markets. Not a typical winter sweet-bomb, this is actually a superpiney “fresh hop” IPA, with slightly bracing bitterness and a big citrus presence. And at 6.8% ABV, you can, in the words of Tracy Morgan, “get f****ed up for less money.” $25,000-$40,000: Bell’s Expedition Stout Though sold almost year-round, BES is perfect for winter. Yeah, at nearly $18 for a six-pack we’re scooting up into the higher price ranges here, but it’s still a fair deal for a beer that is consistently rated among the top 10 imperial stouts in the world. I’ve had examples of the style many times pricier than this, and it’s still my favorite. With aromas and flavors like dark chocolate, red port, cappuccino, blackberry and premium tobacco —

plus a hefty ABV of 10.1% — this’ll go a long way in at least making you think you’re warm.

$45,000-$60,000: Avery Mephistopheles Imperial Stout Disclaimer: I’m pretty well below the poverty line, and I’ve had this bad boy multiple times, but at $10 per 12-ounce bottle, it’s a once-ayear deal for me. But oh… what an annual treat. The final beer in Avery’s “Demon” series (on the heels of Beast and Samael), Mephistopheles is a gargantuan imperial stout at nearly 17% ABV and big, big flavors like scorched chocolate, dark sour cherries, oak, fig and maple (they’ve also just brewed a coffee-infused variation dubbed “Meph Addict”). Share with a friend, or sip slowly during “It’s a Wonderful Life” — as I did last year — if you want to pit the ultimate forces of good and evil against one another. $65,000-$90,000: Thomas Hardy Ale Apparently you can age this sucker for up to 25 years, but I’ll evolve gills before I develop that kind of patience.

RUFFIN’IT

Augusta, I won’t lie: a few of these columns have been difficult for me. For example, a few months ago I was asked to write about Facebook. Now, I hadn’t been on Facebook since my junior year of college, when my sense of selfawareness told me it was okay to have a neck-beard and wear pajama pants to class. If you look at a photo of me from that year, you’ll immediately get dandruff, plus the main riff of Metallica’s “Battery” on loop in your brain. So when I got the assignment, I toyed briefly with the idea of starting up an account and see how many useless friends I could acquire within one day, but I had just seen “Videodrome,” and I have more of an obligation to James Woods’ exploding head than I do my readers (sorry), so that was out. This week’s assignment, “Alcohol,” is different. At first, I wasn’t sure what I could say on the subject that hasn’t already been said by Brad Paisely and Charlie Sheen’s God complex. It’s like having the Dyson vacuum guy explain his newest model to you, then you going home and asking your cat what it thinks about that rolling, roaring suck-monster you pull out of the closet once a month. But since most of my time for the past month has been spent bitching about the economy and losing my mind over the upcoming cold-weather beers being unleashed by most breweries, I figured I could combine them this time. Last week, mein kinder, I told you how to avoid having your family Thanksgiving devolve into an episode of “Bum Fights.” This week, I’m going to do something totally counterproductive, and run down the best winter-

Still, FYI, maximum drinkability seems to set in at around 5-10 years old, so keep that in mind if you decide to hunt one down. An incredibly sweet, boozy (you’ll taste the 12% ABV), English-style barley wine, it typically features ripe peach, fig, plum, barrel-aged sherry, cinnamon and candied ginger, though flavors can develop wildly over time. The cloying sweetness can get to some folks, but I dug it the one and only time I tasted it. At $30-$50 for a four-pack, it can be a gamble, but it’ll earn you bragging rights if nothing else. $100,000-infinity, you bastard: Narke Kaggen Stormakstporter Some beers make their bones on varying ratios of hype to quality. Despite being brewed and sold only once per year (with a brewery holiday propping it up), Three Floyds’ Dark Lord Imperial Stout is reportedly “good.” Not the case here. Until it was retired this past year, Narke, a tiny kitchen operation in Sweden, had the world’s top-rated beer of any style for several years running with their Kaggen Stormakstporter, a holy concoction that even before its retirement was fetching upwards of $300 per bottle on Ebay. A seamlessly blended, heather honey-infused imperial stout aged in oak barrels, this beer has always lived up to the hype, even among the most jaded beer nerds — check the online forums. Now exponentially more rare, it’s become a holy grail of sorts. If you try it some day, describe it to me, okay? Slowly. ASU and Metro Spirit alum Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11 15

ROBERTLONG

Boo! You Ain’t Gettin’ Paid Pelted Paintball Zombies Paid Zilch

Remains of Terror Town Throughout the month of October, 17-year-old Heather Durkin-Allen spent four evenings a week handing out paintballs to customers who wanted to shoot zombies at the Terror Town haunted house in Martinez. “We were told we were going to get paid minimum wage — unless we got 10,000 people, and then we’d get paid $10 an hour,” she says. Instead, neither she nor the approximately 70 people who worked there, most of them high school kids like herself, received any money. The owner, Jimmy Collier, claims they were volunteers, not employees, who were never guaranteed payment. The story gained citywide attention when workers, their parents and a couple of Terror Town managers met on Monday, November 14, to discuss their grievances. Kids and parents left the meeting with a lot more questions than answers. What’s clear, though, is that things are looking rough for Collier, manager Robert Rampulla, who also manages the Vue nightclub at Surrey Center, and manager Tyler Toepher, also associated with the Vue. Not only are the three caught in a fierce dispute involving thousands of dollars of pay, they’re also being investigated by the Georgia Department of Labor for violation of the Child Labor Law. The pay dispute centers around ambiguity, or deceit, surrounding the status of the workers at Terror Town. Those who worked at Terror Town say they were frequently promised a minimum wage, regardless of how many

16 METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

customers came through the door. “We were told countless times that we were getting paid,” says 17-year-old worker Tanner Hayes. “Everybody thought they were getting paid. We all thought that even though there weren’t 10,000 customers, we’d still get paid.” Durkin-Allen’s friend Lacie Boyer, also 17, says that the promised pay was the only thing that made it worth her while. “I was one of those people who was not going to work there as just a volunteer, because I live in Appling, so I drove back and forth.” When asked about the dispute, manager Robert Rampulla directed all questions up the chain of command to Jimmy Collier. “Ultimately, it all comes down to what he’s going to compensate or donate to the staff of volunteers at Terror Town,” he says. “I have no comment on the situation at all.” Does that mean he’s calling them volunteers? “I’m not calling them anything,” he said. “I’m calling them just exactly what Jimmy the owner calls them.” Collier does call them volunteers. He claims that he moved to Las Vegas in August, and so was not in Augusta during the time that Terror Town operated. He left all decisions to a manager, he says. (Collier declined to name this manager, who all other sources who worked at Terror Town say was Robert Rampulla.) But he gave explicit instructions: run it using volunteers. He points to the contract that workers signed.

“Although all workers are here on a volunteer basis, completion of your job is mandatory in order to receive any and all compensation and/or donation,” the document reads. “All compensations and/or donations for completed work will be paid on or by November 11, 2011. All workers who have completed the job assigned to them will be due some compensation and/or donation.” Collier says he didn’t learn of any expectations of pay until last week. “You have people saying that they haven’t gotten paid. Well, that’s news to me!” Haunted houses have become popular over the last few years, and they succeed, those in the business say, in part because they rely on volunteer labor. Phillip Stockard, director of Nightmare Plantation, said he was surprised to hear that Terror Town was offering pay. “Since there’s volunteerism and there are so many people who are willing to volunteer in the community,” he says, “I’m surprised that there was a misunderstanding.” It’s not just about community involvement, though. It’s also about the bottom line. “There’s a lot of overhead involved with running a haunted house, so I think that whenever you can solicit people to help, it helps things overall,” Stockard says. John Carter of Plantation Blood is a little more blunt. “You cannot make it, doing a haunted house in Augusta, Georgia, by paying people,” he says. “Augusta isn’t big enough. You don’t draw enough crowds

to bring enough people through there.” Carter, who says he’s been running haunted houses for 20 years, says he lost some workers to Terror Town because they had heard Terror Town was going to pay them. “You know what I told them?” he asks. “This is my God-honest word to them. I said, ‘Good luck!’ I knew something like this was going to happen.” Collier maintains that if workers thought they were going to be paid, it didn’t come from him. “The economics of it are, you just can’t run it by paying employees.” But if workers signed sheets calling themselves volunteers, where did an expectation of pay lucrative enough to poach volunteers from other haunts come from? Justin Hockman, who oversaw the paintball area and served as internal security as well as set builder, tells of a snap decision made before business began. “I sat in a vehicle with Rob [Rampulla] when Jimmy was on speakerphone, and on this particular date before the opening of the haunted house, Jimmy said, ‘Do we have volunteers to do everything?’” Hockman says. “On that particular day, Rob stated to Jimmy on the phone, ‘We don’t have enough time to get volunteers to fill the whole house — we have to take paid employees’ and Jimmy said, ‘I don’t care what you have to do, get it open on the day it needs to be open.’” Collier calls this version of events an “absolute lie.” In his telling of that conversation, he says that the manager he talked to (again, presumably Rampulla, though Collier would not mention names) proposed to do a “profit share.” If Terror Town met a goal of 10,000 visitors, volunteers would receive a payment at the end of the month. He recalls, “I said, ‘Do whatever you have to do, man. If that sounds good to you, it sounds good to me.’” Collier says he approved a profit share in the event of 10,000 customers, but never any guaranteed baseline salary. “If you’re doing it on volunteer basis you can’t have a baseline salary,” he explains. And besides, paid employees would be, as others in the industry maintain, economically impossible. “That wouldn’t make business sense,” he says. If Collier’s figures are to be believed, paying them definitely would not make sense. He says that Terror Town attracted less than 2,000 customers and V. 22 | NO. 65

lost tens of thousands of dollars. “We paid more in rent than we brought in the door, let’s just say that,” he says. Whether or not Collier approved a salary, many kids say that’s what they expected from the very beginning. This dashed hope stings particularly hard for those got pelted with paintballs as part of their duties. “I’d just come in and we’d be sitting there in the graveyard all night and people would come through in groups of 10 and we’d get lit up by paintballs,” says Preston Hill, 20. “They said they turned down the pressure from the strong PSI, but it wasn’t too much. After

getting shot over and over again, it doesn’t really help, and the cheap ones from Walmart… you can’t really turn the pressure down on those. Those are shooting max all the time.” Besides getting hit by paintballs, Hill says he wasn’t comfortable with the working conditions. “It was horrible,” he says. “They treated us the whole month like we were getting paid and we’d be hot, wearing three or four layers of clothes in the graveyard and they wouldn’t even give us water.” Given the unpleasantness of undead target practice, the perceived bait-and-

switch hurts. Hill says he was told that of all the workers, the paintball zombies would definitely get paid. “They were always promising that paintball was mainly the one that would be taken care of,” he says. “In the end, we were supposed to be the main

ones getting paid.” Like others, he talks about managers using payment as a motivational tool. “It was at every meeting because they’d hold it over our heads,” he says. “They’d be like, ‘Do you guys want to get paid? You’d better bring up your game.’” Most of that kind of talk came from manager Tyler Toepher, he says. “We’d ask him a lot because it was pretty sketchy to begin with, getting paid at the end of the month. We’d ask him like every night, and he’d be like, ‘Yes,

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y’all are getting paid.’ We’d ask all kinds of different management and they’d all say the same thing — you are getting paid.” Seemingly confirming the idea of payment, Hill mentions an incident involving water bottles distributed to workers. “They were talking about taking stuff

In addition to potentially violating the hour limits a child can work, some have raised serious questions about the safety of some of the Terror Town workers, particularly the paintball zombies. Hill says that management did not make him feel safe in the paintball area. “A lot of employees would run through and I got into many arguments with

out of our payment, like the water, because people would waste it,” he says. “They’d find full water bottles and talk about taking it out of our pay and stuff.” Threatening to dock the pay of volunteer workers does not make much sense. Nor does keeping detailed spreadsheets of hours logged, something several workers allege happened nightly. But despite these reports that Terror Town’s workers got a strong message from management that they would get a baseline salary, Collier maintains that any expectation of pay cannot have come from management. Collier says a manager produced the volunteer contract that everyone signed, and that’s enough for him. So who told the workers they would be paid? “It was one person there and not even a manager who said everybody’s gonna get paid,” Collier says. “They’re trying to run my name in the ground.” That’s why, Collier says, he has been eager to talk to reporters and to disgruntled workers. He claims he has talked on the phone to many of the workers. Terror Town’s Facebook page indicates that this is the case — on its wall, Collier repeatedly responds to complaints by asking employees to send him their phone numbers so they can talk. “I wasn’t even there,” he says. “I didn’t have anything to do with it, so I’m trying to straighten it out. If you were told you’re going to be paid, why did you wait until it was over to try to contact me about it?” he asks. “Why did you wait until a week after it was over?”

them — they’d just come through and waste paintballs, like full hoppers, come through and shoot people. And they had people that weren’t even supposed to be holding paintball guns come through and shoot us when we didn’t have masks on.” Hill claims there were at least three incidents like that. There are indications that whizzing paintballs weren’t the only occupational hazards at Terror Town. Justin Hockman, who helped build the sets for Terror Town, didn’t exactly mount a rousing defense of the safety of the building he helped outfit. “Was it safe enough that I would allow my own kid to work there?” After a long pause, he offered, “That’s a tough one to say. I don’t know personally if I would allow my own kid to work there. Did I build the walls to the best of my ability? None of my walls came down. Were there piles of stuff different places that didn’t get cleaned up and were lying around? There were.” The Georgia Department of Labor is investigating Terror Town for violations of the Child Labor Law. “If there was a situation where there would be a hazardous situation, that certainly would get into something about whether or not a child could work there, because the law is very specific about what kinds of situations somebody can work in,” says Director of Communications Sam Hall. “Even if they had work permits, which they did not, if there is any kind type of hazardous situation involved, that could bring in another set of restrictions and

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limitations.” This is a problem altogether separate from the fundamental employment issues. Hall says the distinction of volunteer versus paid would have no bearing whatsoever on issues of safety and legality. “If it is a volunteer, they cannot work around anything that’s hazardous, which is outlined in the rules,” Hall says. “The other thing is the work hours, which are spelled out in the law. Those would apply whether it’s paid or volunteer labor. Terror Town had workers sign a release form reading, in part, “I am aware that these activities are possibly hazardous activities and that I could be seriously injured or even killed.” While Hall has no record of any employment certificates for child labor from a company called Terror Town, he does have a complaint from a parent basically alleging that her child was working without a permit and was working as many as eight hours a day. Collier calls such complaints distortions of the truth. He says that Terror Town was usually open no more than three hours, with one Saturday night maxing out at five hours. He is more inclined to stress the parent’s responsibility. “Why would a parent let a teenage kid be out of the

Justin Hockman

house until 1:30 on a school night?” he asks. “See, their stories don’t add up. They are really ludicrous.” So Collier continues to maintain

that he never promised anyone pay. Management remains silent on the issue. And the workers remain furious. This year in the haunted house

business has been quite an adventure for Collier. “I just liked the idea of it and got involved. I thought it’d be fun,” he says. “But evidently it is not too fun, huh?”

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For a non-Christian band, Avenged Sevenfold sure loves a good religious reference. Their name is derived from a passage in Genesis, their members have adopted names such as The Rev and Johnny Christ, and their CDs and songs have names like “Waking the Fallen” and “Unholy Confessions.” Their Buried Alive Tour, sponsored by 95 Rock, visits Augusta this Saturday, bringing with them Hollywood Undead, Asking Alexandria and Black Veil Brides. Together, the four bands should rock hard and loud enough to produce a religious experience in their audience.

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V. 22 | NO. 65

ENTERTAINMENT

Looking is fine, but there’ll be no tasting at the Augusta Museum of History’s Holiday Gingerbread Village Exhibition, on display through November 27 and featuring works such as the Sacred Heart Cultural Center replica pictured above. Free and open to the public. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Arts

Holiday Artisans Mart is Friday, November 25, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m., at Little Red Barn Gallery in Aiken, and features gifts made by S.C. artists and artisans. Call 803-541-7900 or visit pawprintpottery.biz/barn.html. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

A show of mixed-media work by Rochelle Levy will hang at the Aiken Thoroughbred Racing Hall of Fame and Museum until December 31. An opening reception will be held Thursday, December 1, from 5-7 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit V. 22 | NO. 65

aikenracinghalloffame.com. November and December exhibitions at the Aiken Center for the Arts include Elizabeth Moretz-Britt and Bea Kuhlke, Susan McCarty, T’is the Season Invitational of pieces $300 and under, the Plein Air Painters, and Judy Adamick and Anne Rauton Smith. Call 803-6419094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

The Annual Quilt Exhibition shows through December 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 706-7243576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. Marcia Bergtholdt Art Exhibit shows through November at Hitchcock Health Center in Aiken. Call 803-278-0709 or visit aikenartistguild.org.

William Willis: Paintings and Drawings David Swanagin and Mike C. Berry Exhibit shows at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through December 13. Call 706shows through December 31 at Sacred 722-5495 or visit ghia.org. Heart Cultural Center. Call 706-8264700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. Making Something Ancient of the New, “Local Color: Photography in the South” sculpture by Kath Girdler Engler, shows through January 8 at the Morris Museum is an exhibition that shows through January 29, 2012, at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. of Art and includes photographers Dave Anderson, John Baeder, William Americana Tugs at Your Heart, an Christenberry, William Eggleston, Meryl exhibition by artists Anne Rauton Smith Truett and more. Call 706-724-7501 or and Judy Adamick, shows during the visit themorris.org. month of November at the Aiken Artist

Guild Gallery at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Call 803-278-0709 or visit aikenartistguild.org.

Music

Come to the Well Tour with The Casting Crowns is Friday, November 25, at 7 p.m. at USC-Aiken’s Convocation Center. $18-$35. Call 706-262-4573 or visit uscatix.com. Buried Alive Tour with Avenged Sevenfold is Saturday, November 26, at 6:30 p.m. at the James Brown Arena, and also features Hollywood Undead, Asking Alexandria and Black Veil Brides. $39.75$44.75. Call 877-4-AUGTIX or visit augustaentertainmentcomplex.com. Aiken Youth Orchestra performs its Winter Concert Tuesday, November 29, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken Center for the Arts, 122 Laurens St. SW. Free and open to the public. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11 21

25-Saturday, November 26, at 4:30 p.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium, and features acrobats, motorcycles and clowns. $28 for adults; free for children. Call 1-888-71-TICKETS or visit thefuncircus.com.

Vino e Voce: an Evening of Wine and Song is Thursday, December 8, from 7-9 p.m. at the home of Al Cheatham, 808 Milledge Road. Sponsored by the Augusta Opera Guild, tickets are $50 per person and must be purchased by December 1. Black tie optional. Call 706-364-9114 or visit the augustaopera.com.

Christmas in the Back Country is Saturday, November 26, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at Living History Park in North Augusta, and features an 18th century re-enactment and a potluck evening meal. Free. Visit colonialtimes.us.

The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Christmas in the Country begins Saturday, November, 26, from noon-9 p.m. at Kackleberry Farms, and features a Christmas tree farm, Santa, s’mores and hot chocolate. This event continues each weekend through December 18, and is open noon-9 p.m. on Saturdays, and 2-8 p.m. on Sundays. $7; an additional $10 for snow days. Call 487-625-8668 or visit kackleberryfarm.com.

Literary

Book Signing and talk, featuring Steve Naifeh and Gregory Smith White, authors of “Van Gogh: The Life,” is Thursday, December 1, at 6 p.m. at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Free. Call 803-6419094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults, and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration.com.

North Augusta Tree Lighting Ceremony is Monday, November 28, from 5-8 p.m. at Calhoun Park and Lookaway Hall. Visit northaugustachamber.org. Winter Wonderland Holiday Fest is Wednesday, November 30, from 5-7 p.m. in the University Quad at USC-Aiken, and features faux snow, an iceless skating rink and pictures with Santa. $5, adults; $3, children 6 and up; free, children under 6. Call 803-648-6851 or visit usca.edu.

NOOK Tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a NOOKcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Dance

Real Dance Music is Thursday, November 24, from 8-11 p.m. at Rose Hill Estate in Aiken, and features jazz and party music. Call 803-648-1181 or email stephen@ rosehillestate.com. “Nutcracker,” presented by Dance Augusta, is Friday, November 25-Sunday, November 27, at 7 p.m. (Friday) and at 1 p.m. and 5 p.m. (Saturday and Sunday), at the Imperial Theatre. $17-$40. Call 706722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com. Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30 to 9:30 at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Info: call Tim at 706-399-2477.

Theater

“Eli’s Bethlehem Inn,” a Musical Dinner Theater Production, shows through December 2 at the Kroc Center. $15. For performance dates and times, and to purchase tickets, call 706-771-7777 or visit enopion.com. Local authors are invited to submit original scripts for Quickies 2012, the short play festival at Le Chat Noir. Scripts should be 10-15 pages; all styles and 22 METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

clowns will definitely be a part of piccadilly circus fridaysaturday, november 25-26 subject matters considered. Deadline is December 31. Mail scripts to Quickies, c/o Le Chat Noir, 304 Eighth Street, Augusta, Ga., 30901, or email them to info@lcnaugusta.com.

Flix

“New World” shows Friday, November 25, at 7:30 p.m. at Casa Blanca Cafe. Popcorn is free and those who arrive before 7 p.m. get 25 percent off meals. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com. “Spy Kids” Movie Marathon is Saturday, November 26, at Headquarters Branch Library. “Spy Kids 1” is at 10 a.m., “Spy Kids 2” is at 11:30 a.m., “Spy Kids 3” is at 1:30 p.m. and “Spy Kids 4” is at 3 p.m. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

“The Weather Underground” shows Tuesday, November 29, at 6:30 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706821-2615 or visit ecgrl.org. Movies that Inspire: “Faith Like Potatoes” shows Tuesday, November 29, at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Special Events

One Table: Aiken’s Community Thanksgiving Dinner is Thursday, November 24, from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. in The Alley behind City Hall, and features a full, traditional Thanksgiving feast and live music. Free and open to the public. Visit onetable.org. Piccadilly Circus is Friday, November

Holiday Tree Lighting at Augusta State University is Thursdays, December 1, at 6 p.m., and features caroling, refreshments and a visit from Old Saint Nick. Call 706737-1610 or visit aug.edu. Lights of the South continues daily through December 30 from 6-10 p.m. at 633 Louisville Road, and features light displays, hay rides, Santa and holiday treats. $7.50, adults; $4, children ages 4-17. Call 706-825-6441 or visit lightsofthesouth.com. Holiday Gingerbread Village Exhibition is on display through November 27 at the Augusta Museum of History during normal hours. Free and open to the public. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. 46th Annual Chitlin Strut continues through November 26 at the Salley Civic Center and Fairgrounds in Salley, S.C, and features a carnival, concessions, arts and crafts, and more. Call 803-2583485 or visit chitlinstrut.com. The Festival of Trees continues through November 27 at Rose Hill Estate in Aiken. Proceeds benefit the Aiken community. Call 803-648-5447 or visit rosehillestate.com. V. 22 | NO. 65

Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com.

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Childcare and Babysitting Safety is Saturday, November 26, from 9 a.m.3 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta,

Home Careers Hello Augusta! For the last few weeks we have been running ads hoping to give you a sense of what we offer. Bottom line – our mission is to help people. We accomplish this in a number of ways. From an environmental standpoint: through education, we help people save money while making better, safer, and smarter shopping choices. We help to lower our carbon footprint, one family at a time. From a wellness standpoint: we help families eliminate the risk of having poisonous products within reach of small curious hands. For people with illness, allergies, asthma, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, etc. it’s a no brainer to want to get toxins and chemicals out of your home. From a financial standpoint: we help people earn money by offering a simple home business opportunity unlike ANY other. It’s an affordable $29 which is satisfaction guaranteed. It’s easy – we introduce people to a 26 year-old maker of green home and health products and set-up membership for manufacturer-direct shopping. We do not sell products. We are not distributors. It is not some dreaded-feared-highpressure-MLM! It is no secret that many in the Augusta area are really suffering financially. But what may surprise you is the number of middle class families who are also struggling. We can help you ALL! We can partner with ANY non-profit or charitable organization and help earn money for their cause, as well as those they are trying to help. We can work with every school in ALL of the surrounding counties to help generate extra revenue AND teach a valuable green lesson to our youth in the process. We offer the opportunity of a community supporting a community. When people have more money in their pockets they can spend more in the local economy. We can help. All you have to do now is ask.

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Health

Coping with Holiday Stress nutrition seminar is Thursday, November 24, at 6 p.m. at the Wilson Family Y. Free to members; $10 for non-members. Visit thefamilyy.org. Weight Loss Seminar, hosted by GHSU’s Weight Loss Center, is Thursday, November 24, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library in Evans. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706V. 22 | NO. 65

Thank you, Anna Bass AugustaHomeCareers.com 706.496.2786

and features information on playtime, feeding, emergency care and more, for students ages 11-14. $30 (lunch included). Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Angioscreening is Monday, November 28, from 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is Monday, November METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11 23

emotional changes of puberty. Girls ages 9-12 should be accompanied by their mother, or a female friend or relative. $10 per person. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Pickles and Ice Cream is Tuesday, November 29, from 7-9 p.m., at Doctors Hospital, and features discussion on nutrition, exercise, fetal development and body changes for expecting mothers in their first trimester. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctorshospital.net. Childbirth Education Series begins Wednesday, November 30, from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Medical Center (first floor information desk, west entrance), and features a four-week class on various childbirth options for expectant parents. Pre-registration required. Call 706721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

settle in for a spy kids marathon saturday, november 26. 28, at 6 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Call 706-706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org.

Evans Road. Sponsored by Trust Birth Augusta, this event is free. Contact Lynn Reed at 706-833-5101 or email trustbirthaugusta@comcast.net.

Birth Stories and Cinema Circle is Monday, November 28, from 7-8:30 p.m. at Steinle Wellness Center, 122 Old

On Being a Girl is Tuesday, November 29, from 6-9 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta, and features discussions on physical and

24 METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

Cribs for Kids is Thursday, December 1, from 5:45-8 p.m. at Georgia Health Science’s Children’s Medical Center (Building 1010 C), and features instruction in how to provide safe sleeping spaces for infants. Sponsored by Safe Kids East Central. Call Rene Hopkins at 706721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/ safekids. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meet every Monday and Friday, at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for non-members. For more information and registration, call Claudia Collins at 706922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Adapted Wii Special Populations available

by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual ½-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, non-members. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org. Child Safety Seat Inspections, offered by Safe Kids East Central, are available by appointment at either MCGHealth Building 1010C or the Martinez Columbia Fire Rescue Engine Company 3. Call 706-721-7606 for an appointment at MCGHealth or 706-860-7763 in Martinez. Car seat classes are also available by appointment at these two locations, and those interested should call 706-721-7606 for an appointment. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit georgiahealth.edu.

Support

Cancer Share meets Monday, November 28, from 6-7:30 p.m. at University Hospital Breast Health Center (Professional Center 2, Suite 205), and is open to those who have been diagnosed with cancer. Free. Light refreshments will be served. Call 706774-8308 or visit universityhealth.org. Multiple Sclerosis Support Group meets Monday, November 28, from 6-7:30 p.m. at Augusta MS Center (Georgia Health Sciences Medical Center, sixth floor). Call Rhonda Casillas at 706-721-8664 or visit georgiahealth.org. Burn Support Group meets each Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. in the Lori Rogers Nursing Library at Doctors Hospital. Call 706651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Education

Computer Class meets Tuesday, November 29, at 11 a.m. at Appleby Branch Library, and features instruction for setting up email. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Constant Contact Seminar: The Power of Email Marketing and Getting Started with Constant Contact is Wednesday, November 30, from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at First Baptist Church of Augusta. Sponsored by the Augusta, North Augusta V. 22 | NO. 65

and Columbia County Chambers of Commerce. Free. Call 706-651-0018 or visit columbiacountychamber.com. Microsoft Word I class meets Wednesday, November 30, from 10 a.m.-noon at Headquarters Branch Library. Library card required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Microsoft Word II class meets Wednesday, November 30, from 2:30-4:30 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library. Library card required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. GED Classes at Headquarters Branch Library are offered every Monday and Thursday at 6 p.m. Registration not required. You must have a PINES library card. Call 706-863-1946. Classes are also offered at the Harlem Branch Library every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 8:30 p.m. Call 706-5569795 or visit ecgrl.org. ESL Classes at Headquarters Branch Library are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. To register, call Charles Garrick at 803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org.

Benefits

A Holiday Evening at Redcliffe Plantation is Saturday, November 26, from 5:30-

7:30 p.m. in Beech Island. Sponsored by The Bloom Closet Florist, this event features a silent auction for arrangements with proceeds benefiting the plantation. $10, adults; $7.50, S.C. seniors and children 6-16. Call 803-8271473 or email redcliffe@scprt.com. Salvation Army Angel Tree Christmas Assistance program is going on now at six area Walmarts, the Augusta Mall, CSRA Credit Union, the Kroc Center and the Salvation Army Family Thrift Store. To participate, removea tag from the Angel Tree, shop for the items requested and return them, unwrapped, to the same place by December 9. Gifts will be distributed December 20. Call 706-9221524 or visit salvationarmyaugusta.org. Fleet Feet Sports in North Augusta is giving away free shoes for a year, as well as five other prizes, when participants buy raffle tickets for $10 Each. Proceeds from the raffle sale will go to Action Ministries to provide 10 local children with Christmas gifts. Call 803-426-1474 or visit fleetfeetnaugusta.com. Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist

Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Sports-Outdoors

Thanksgiving Trail Ride is Thursday, November 24-Sunday, November 27 at Lakeview Plantation in Fairfax, S.C., and features a 58-mile leisurely ride through marked trails. Call 803-584-0609 or visit lakeviewplantation.com. Blessing of the Hounds is Thursday, November 24, at 11 a.m. at Memorial Gate in Hitchcock Woods in Aiken. Free and open to the public. Call 803-6433724 or visit aikenhounds.com. Golden Harvest Food Bank Drive at the Augusta Riverhawks vs. Pensacola Ice Flyers game is Friday, November 25, at 7:35 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. Bring at least four non-perishable food items and receive a $2 off your game ticket. $10-18. Call 706-993-2645 or visit augustariverhawks.com. Augusta-Aiken Audubon Society Field Trip to DiLane Plantation is Saturday, November 26, at 7:30 a.m., departing from Phinizy Swamp Nature Park. Bring drinks and a lunch. Free. Visit augustaaikenaudubon.org/fieldtrips.html. Civil War 150th Anniversary Petersburg

Boat Tour is Saturday, November 26, and Sunday, November 27, at 10 a.m. (Saturday) and at 1:30 and 4:30 p.m. (Sunday). This one-hour tour explores the role the canal played during the war. $12.50. Visit augustacanal.com. Saturday Historic Trolley Tour is Saturday, November 26, at 1-4:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067. Augusta Riverhawks vs. Knoxville Ice Bears game is Thursday, December 1, at 7:30 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $10-$18. Call 706-993-2645 or visit augustariverhawks.com. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come first-served basis. The ride, which begins at two, is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-7914864 or visit fortgordon.com. Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available

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Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and WednesdayFriday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first come, first served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-7914864 or visit fortgordon.com. Group Run begins each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. at Nacho Mama’s. Three- and four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ enduranceconcepts.com. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday

at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com.

HTML5 Coding for Teens is Tuesday, November 29, at 4 p.m. at the Columbia County Library, and features instruction for teens ages 12-18. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706826-5809 or email alsalley@wrh.org.

Toddler Time: Crazy About Collage! is Thursday, December 1, from 10-11 a.m. and 11:15 a.m.-12:15 p.m. at The Morris Museum of Art. Free for museum family members and parents; $4 per participant for non-members. Call 706724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Kids

Photos with Santa and Family Holiday Portraits are Sunday, November 27, from 11 a.m.-5 p.m. at the Old Government House. Reasonable packages available. Call 706-821-1812 or email kprince@ augustaga.gov.

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Tae Kwon Do lessons begin Thursday, December 1, at the Wilson Family Y. $35 a month for members; $55 a month for non-members. Bi-weekly lessons available for all skill levels, ages 5 and up. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamiliyy.org. Drop and Shop is Monday-Friday in December, 9 a.m.-noon, at the Family Y of North Augusta, and features childcare for children 6 months-12 years of age. $9 per child per day for members; $15 per child per day for non-members. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamilyy.org. Mother’s Morning Out is every Tuesday and Thursday, 9 a.m.-1 p.m., at the Wilson Family Y for children ages 3-4. The schedule follows the Richmond County school calendar. $90 per month for members; $110 per month for nonmembers. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamilyy.org. Lap-Sit Story Time, for children under two, is every Tuesday at the Columbia County Library at 11 a.m. Story time for two-year-olds is every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:15 a.m. and for preschoolers at 11 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m.

Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. “In My Backyard,” 7 p.m., and “Worlds in Motion,” 8 p.m., show each Saturday in November at the DuPont Planetarium at the USC-Aiken’s Ruth Patrick Science Education Center. Tickets are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for seniors, $2.50 for students 4K-12th grade and $1 for USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca.edu/ planetarium. Kackleberry Farms is open Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays 1-5 p.m. Visit kackleberryfarm.com. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-8540149 or visit augustasoccer.com. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m. and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484. Toddler Story Time and Preschool Story Time take place every Thursday in September at 10:30 a.m. and at 11:15 a.m. at the North Augusta Library.

V. 22 | NO. 65

Seniors

Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m.; and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

The Garden City Chorus, the area’s leading men’s singing group and a member of the Barbershop Harmony Society, is seeking new members. Those interested are welcome to attend Tuesday night rehearsals, held at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Church of Christ on W. Martintown Road. Visit gardencitychorus.org.

Volunteers

Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs volunteers to help support staff, visit patients and more. Call 706-4472626 or visit msa-corp.com/companies/ hospicecareofamerica.aspx.

Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

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Yoga I and II is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:306:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hobbies

Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-3645762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

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SIGHTINGS

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Carrie Hodge, Wendy and Ashley Bradley and Rebecca Mooney at Coyote’s.

Paige Usry, cinematographer Hodges Usry and Havird Usry at Hodges Usry: A Preview of Recent Works at the Imperial Theatre.

Brent and Lauren Lamb with Cheryl and Bear Shelton at Hodges Usry: A Preview of Recent Works at the Imperial Theatre.

SIGHTINGS

Jill Mehrhof, singer/songwriter Corey Smith and Kate Zelgewicz at Coyote’s.

Alana Moore, “American Idol” winner Scotty McCreery and Hope Peel at the Partridge Inn.

SIGHTINGS

Bassist Steve Brantley, Stephanie Newman, Barry Hair and singer Frank Brittingham at the Buford reunion show at Sky City.

Ginny McNutt, Nanky Tribble and Tommy Connolly at the Buford reunion show at Sky City.

Max Blanco, Dianne L’Heureux, guitarist Jamie Brantley and Barbara Harmon at the Buford reunion show at Sky City.

Michael Johnson

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Ronnie and Felicia Stanford, Jesse Stanford and keyboardist Paul Brantley at the Buford reunion show at Sky City.

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Joe's Underground

November 25: THE CANDICE HURST BAND!

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METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11 29

THEEIGHT BOX TOPS

Do we really need to tell you which movie sold the most tickets this week? Didn’t think so. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN PART I

$138,112,261

HAPPY FEET TWO

$21,237,068

IMMORTALS

$12,351,959

$53,079,889

JACK AND JILL

$11,738,573

$40,766,479

PUSS IN BOOTS

$10,804,311

$122,391,873

MOVIEREVIEW

“Happy Feet Two”

Sam Eifling A serious climate change message wrapped up in a lot of fun If you’re worried that you won’t able to keep up with “Happy Feet Two” after missing the first installment of the animated-penguin franchise, fear not: Many of your companions in the audience will be under the age of 5, and several of them may in fact be enjoying their first trip to the cinema. If anyone’s behind, they are. Hit the 3-D version of the film — this is the rare instance in which the extra dimension is worth the markup — and you’ll see that visit truly is a trip, especially in the end credits, when soapy bubbles come wafting out of the screen and over the latearriver seats. The effect is so strong kids lean forward with their arms out, trying to touch the bubbles. It is, in a word, adorable. When the visuals are this good, who needs a story? Especially in a movie aimed at 7-year-olds? Director George Miller (who also gets one of the four writing credits) furnishes just enough of a tale to keep us engaged. Once again we’re in Antarctica among emperor penguins who enjoy a bit of song and dance with their sub-zero afternoons. Grown up since the first film is Mumble (Elijah Wood)

whose own helium-voiced chick, Erik (Ava Acres), sees no point in dancing with the crowd. When he and two other young’uns go wandering off, they find another colony of penguins enrapt with a curious flying penguin named Sven (Hank Azaria) who holds cult-ofpersonality sway over the crowd. Sven espouses a simple aphorism about willing and wanting, and how that makes things come true. It’s a bit of magical believe-in-yourselfism to undergird a child-friendly premise that adults who have spent their lives wanting and willing plenty of things that didn’t come close to happening are welcome to disregard. While Mumble and the kids are away from the other penguins — voiced variously by Common, Pink, Robin Williams, Sofia Vergara and Hugo Weaving — a rogue iceberg breaks away and slides into the open side of the valley the emperors inhabit, trapping them all perilously. Emperors cannot fly, so they’re going to starve to death unless Mumble and the tots can help them out of ice crater. Yes, “Happy Feet Two” is that hardcore. When was the last time a cartoon prompted you to wonder how

long it would take for penguins to turn cannibalistic? Meanwhile, aslosh in the frozen deep, two krill named Bill and Will (that would be Brad Pitt and Matt Damon) decide to break away from the krill cloud and go in search of their own destiny away from the pack. Their existential banter nearly keeps pace with the crystalline animation (by Miller’s Australia-based Dr. D Studios) that complements the meta-crisis ruminations by these two arthropods. The aesthetics here truly carry the day, as when an aria by Erik becomes, no kidding, the best passage of opera in a Warner Brothers production since Bugs and Fudd spoofed Wagner under the direction of Chuck Jones. The natural world lends itself to animation of this loving detail, down to individual filaments of ice and pulsing organs inside the diaphanous krill. “Happy Feet Two” also tackles, in a relatively direct fashion, the troubles associated with climate change, so if

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that’s an issue too abstract for the young child or unrepentant Tahoe driver in your life, this is a fine entry point. Why, Mom, is the sad polar bear stuck on a shrinking iceberg? Why, Dad, do big pieces of ice keep breaking off the continental shelf? It won’t slap you about the cheeks and ears with a climate message, but credit this as one of the better children’s movies for bringing it to the fore. The ice is melting. Species are dying. Weather patterns are scrambled. But it sure is fun to fly in planes and to each eat more than 200 pounds of meat per year. The kids reaching out to touch movie bubbles today are going to know a very different natural (and human) world from this during their lifetimes. It’s best to start breaking the news to them now, and in such charming fashion.

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FAMILY

“Hugo,” rated PG, starring Ben Kingsley, Sacha Baron Cohen, Asa Butterfield, Chloe Grace Moretz, Christopher Lee. In theaters November 23, Martin Scorsese surprised moviergoers by directing a family friendly movie in 3D about an orphan in the 1930s who lives in the walls of a Paris train station. And it involves a robot. Scorsese might be losing it, you guys. “The Muppets,” rated PG, starring Amy Adams, Jason Segel, Chris Cooper. What some see as blasphemy, others see as a long-overdue return to the big screen for Jim Henson’s creations. And the fact that it was written by Jason Segel almost makes us forgive him for introducing a new muppet. “Arthur Christmas,” rated PG, starring James McAvoy, Hugh Laurie, Bill Nighy, Jim Broadbent. How does Santa deliver so many presents on Christmas Eve? Find out what happens when a batch is forgotten in this animated feature. In theaters on Wednesday.

DRAMA

“A Dangerous Method,” rated R, starring Michael Fassbender, Keira Knightley, Viggo Mortensen. In theaters on Wednesday, this drama looks at the relationship between psychoanalysts Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud, and the woman who comes between them. Directed by creepy David Cronenberg, we pray that there are no appearances by twin gynecologists who create their own medical implements.

“Battlestar Galactica”

Interesting religious juxtaposition. Post apocalyptic overtones. Relevant political and military context. Great acting, edge-ofyour-seat action and, for TV, pretty sweet special effects. All of those things are why you should watch “Battlestar Galactica,” the 2003 remake of the 1978 series (available for download on Hulu+ among other outlets) in which cybernetic beings nearly eliminate the human species and send the survivors escaping into deep space. But here’s why you will watch it: Starbuck and Boomer are chicks! When I was a kid, I watched that original series every week. I built models of the Viper fighters and had mock battles in which those two dudes kicked the crap out of the shiny, evil Cylons. I watched the 2003 pilot out of curiosity and a quarter-century’s worth of pent-up nostalgia. And when I found out that those childhood heroes were this time portrayed by the super-hot Grace Park (currently on the “Hawaii 5-0” remake) and Katee Sackhoff, I was hooked. The new series has some other twists, but I’m not going to go all spoiler alert on you and reveal them here. You’ll just have to obsess for yourself. — Jim Christian

WERECOMMEND

“The Artist,” rated PG-13, starring Jean Dujardin, Berenice Bejo, John Goodman. In theaters Wednesday, this black and white silent movie (yes, you read that correctly) is predicted to be a frontrunner in several Oscar categories next year.

V. 22 | NO. 65

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ART45

A Family Affair

Dance Augusta celebrates 40 years of “The Nutcracker” in Augusta

It may be set during a Christmas Eve party, but Zanne Colton believes there’s much more to the almost universal holiday appeal of “The Nutcracker” than the backdrop. “It does center around a Christmas party and a Christmas dream but it’s really more than that. It talks about family, hopes, dreams and little Clara is a brave little heroine,” said Colton, artistic director for Dance Augusta. “It’s about all the family values that we admire and adhere to or try to adhere to.” Dance Augusta stages “The Nutcracker” — the story of Clara Silberhaus and the magical toys she receives for Christmas from her godfather, Herr Drosselmeyer, set to a Tchaikovsky score — this weekend at the Imperial Theatre. “We produce it at a time when people are thinking about the holiday season

32 METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

and we’d like to think that it heralds in that season,” Colton said. “For a couple of hours, a family can come together and sit in a darkened theater and experience a journey. It’s all positive and it’s all paradise.” And as difficult as it may be to believe, Augusta families have been taking this journey for 40 years now. “This is our 40th anniversary of ‘Nutcracker,’” said Bon Ellis, business administrator and ballet mistress at Dance Augusta. “An interesting fact is that Ron was a member of the New York City Ballet back in the 1950s. Our ‘Nutcracker’ is based on their concept.” The “Ron” Ellis refers to is Ron Colton, retired artistic director of the Augusta Ballet and Zanne Colton’s husband. He was a member of the New York City Ballet during the time that famed ballet choreographer George Balanchine debuted his version. In

fact, he danced in the first production. “Of course, Balanchine came from Russia, so his version was Russian inspired and he took many of his ideas from the Russian version,” Ellis explained. “But what Balanchine added was many of the children’s parts. Before Balanchine, many companies used professional [adult] dancers to play the parts of Clara and the Prince. Balanchine used children.” Ron Colton decided to stage Balanchine’s version of “The Nutcracker” in Augusta in 1971. Augusta Ballet, however, was still a fledgling company, so he asked another former New York City Ballet dancer, Robert Barnett of the Atlanta

Civic Ballet, to help. “Bobby came down and staged our first ‘Nutcracker’ and brought soloists, because we were still a very small company,” Zanne Colton said. “Slowly, V. 22 | NO. 65

AMYCHRISTIAN | PHOTOGRAPHY: BRUCEBOULINEAU AND BONELLIS

over a five-year period, we took over more and more of the roles until we were strong enough to do it on our own. It was unique at the time, two ballet companies coming together to produce a show.” Zanne Colton was, in fact, the Augusta Ballet’s first Sugarplum Fairy, a role she danced annually for about 15 years. “It was always so much fun,” she remembered. “I always taught in the schools and was ballet mistress, so it was so much fun to lead a group that I had trained, to see those little faces looking up at you. I have some very fond memories from my dancing years with so many of Augusta’s children.” When asked if she missed the role, she had a surprising answer. “You know… no, because I’m so involved in the production,” she laughed. “I tell you what, though; every time I hear the first notes of the Pas de Deux, something wells up in my heart. I get a little bit misty.” Zanne Colton isn’t the only one attached to the annual Augusta production. Many, as a matter of fact, were worried when, six years ago, the Coltons split from Augusta Ballet. Their worries proved unfounded when

the Coltons formed Dance Augusta and continued the Augusta Ballet School. Ellis says that without both the children and the parents of the Augusta Ballet School, there’d probably be no “Nutcracker.” “They and their parents make a commitment and sign a contract that, for the next six or seven weeks, they will eat, sleep and breathe ‘Nutcracker,’ and that’s the only way we can do it,” Ellis said. “And they learn many, many valuable lessons other than learning the steps and choreography and that kind of thing; what the discipline and commitment of being in a professional production is all about. We feel these are some very good life lessons for our kids.” Zanne Colton agrees that the parents and guild members — who do everything from catering and selling program advertisements to rolling performers’ hair — are vital to the production’s success. “We have parents who literally take off work this coming week and do nothing but work backstage with all the infinite things that have to be done,” Zanne Colton said. “I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have so many families involved. They make it so much more meaningful because they become so involved.”

Some, in fact, are so involved that they appear on stage. “We’ve had mothers and daughters and fathers and daughters dance together in past productions, so it is a whole lot of family going on backstage,” said Zanne Colton. “And I think it’s really nice that some of the fathers who are first-act party parents get to dance with their own children. It’s really fun. I think it creates a lot of good memories.” Sometimes it also works the other way around. This year, long-time Drosselmeyer Peter Powlus will share the stage with his daughter Callaway, who plays a gingerbread-fighting mouse in the first act and an angel in the second. Powlus has been dancing since he was a child and is also a choreographer; Callaway, now 14 and primarily a singer, recently renewed her interest in dance. “It’s fun for us to be in it together,” said Powlus, who said that Callaway first appeared in “The Nutcracker” as a soldier in 2005. “And it’s neat that she’s getting the whole backstage experience, a taste of what kind of discipline it takes to bring a production like this to the stage. It’s exciting for me, although I think she’s a little disappointed that she’s not going to be able to see it, because

she’s seen it every year except the one in which she performed.” It’s so much a part of the Powlus’ holiday tradition that it was Callaway who encouraged her father to keep dancing. “One year, a year or two ago, I was thinking about hanging up my dancing shoes and not doing ‘The Nutcracker’ anymore,” he said, “but when I mentioned it to Callaway she cried. It’s such a big part of how she remembers Christmas every year.” The ability to evoke the childlike wonder of the holidays in adults, Powlus thinks, is part of the timeless appeal of this particular ballet. “It really is a very special show, a special way to start the holiday,” he said. “It really is about seeing the holiday through the eyes of children. Even those of us who have done it a bazillion times, that’s what keeps it fun and interesting.” Dance Augusta Presents “The Nutcracker” The Imperial Theatre Friday, November 25, 7 p.m. Saturday, November 26, 1 and 5 p.m. Sunday, November 27, 1 and 5 p.m. $17-$40 706-722-8341 imperialtheatre.com

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

“It is a tremendous act of violence to begin anything,” said Sagittarian poet Rainer Maria Rilke. “I am not able to begin. I simply skip what should be the beginning.” Instead of worrying about how to launch your rebirth, just dive into the middle of the new life you want for yourself. Avoid stewing interminably in the frustrating mysteries of the primal chaos so you can leap into the fun in full swing.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

The Golden Gate Bridge spans the place where San Francisco Bay meets the Pacific Ocean. It wasn’t easy to build. Recognizing its magnificence, the American Society of Civil Engineers calls the bridge one of the modern Wonders of the World. Strange to think, then, that the bridge was constructed between 1933 and 1937, during the height of the Great Depression. Formulate a plan to begin working toward a triumph in the least successful part of your life.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Get an entourage — or if you already have one, expand it. For that matter, it’s a perfect moment for you to recruit more soldiers to help you carry out your plot to overthrow the status quo. Or to round up more allies for your plans to change the course of local history. So beef up your support system. Boost the likelihood that your conspiracy will succeed.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

If you expand your concept of what you’re capable of, you will receive a specific offer to move up a notch. The universe doesn’t always act with so much karmic precision, with such sleek, efficient fairness, but that’s how it’s working in your vicinity right now. If you resolve to compete against no one but yourself, you will be shown new secrets about how to express your idiosyncratic genius.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

“Basic research is what I am doing when I don’t know what I am doing,” said rocket scientist Werner von Braun. You’re overdue to wander around frontiers you didn’t even realize you needed to investigate. You’re ready to soak up insights from outside the boundaries of your understanding. Expose yourself to raw truths and unexpected vistas that have been beyond your imagination’s power to envision.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

In Woody Allen’s “Midnight in Paris,” the Ernest Hemingway character says, “All cowardice comes from not loving, or not loving well enough.” You are going to be asked to call on previously untapped reserves of courage — not because you’ll face physical danger but rather because you will have a chance to get to the bottom of mysteries that can only be explored if you have more courage than you’ve had up until now. And the single best way to summon the valor you’ll need is to love.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

“When I see your face, the stones start spinning!” wrote the poet Rumi, as translated by Coleman Barks. “Water turns pearly. Fire dies down and doesn’t destroy. In your presence I don’t want

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what I thought I wanted.” You’ve got to get your fixations scrambled by an arresting vision of soulful authenticity. Most of all, it’s crucial that you get nudged into transforming your ideas about what you really want. So go find that healingly disruptive prod, please. Do you know where to look?

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

“All my life I have longed to be loved by a woman who was melancholy, thin and an actress,” wrote 19th-century French author Stendhal in his diary. “Now I have been, and I am not happy.” I myself craved a particular type of women who, when she finally showed up in the flesh, disappointed me. But it turned out to be a liberating experience. As you contemplate your own loss, find release and deliverance.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

If you traveled 300 million years back in time, you might freak out in abject fear as you encountered dragonflies as big as eagles and cockroaches the size of dogs. But since you’re quite safe from those monsters, there’s no need to worry yourself sick about them. Similarly, if you managed to locate a time machine and return to an earlier phase of your current life, you’d come upon certain events that upset you and derailed you way back then. And yet the odds are very high that you’re not going to find a time machine. Relinquish all the anxiety you’re still carrying from those experiences that can no longer upset and derail you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

To prepare for her role in the film “The Help,” Jessica Chastain forced herself to gain 15 pounds. It was tough, because she normally follows a very healthy diet. The strategy that worked best was to ingest a lot of calorie-heavy, estrogen-rich ice cream made from soybeans. Fatten yourself up, too. You’d benefit from having more ballast, more gravitas. You need to be sure you’re well-anchored and not easy to push around. It’s nearly time to take an unshakable stand for what you care about most.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

In a famous Monty Python sketch, a Hungarian tourist goes into a British tobacconist’s store to buy cigarettes. Since he doesn’t speak English, he consults a phrase book to find the right words. “My hovercraft is full of eels,” he tells the clerk, who’s not sure what he means. The tourist tries again: “Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?” You’ll have to deal with communications that are equally askew. Your translating skills are at a peak, fortunately, as are your abilities to understand what other people — even fuzzy thinkers — are saying.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

There are modern Chinese painters who use oil paints on canvas to create near-perfect replicas of famous European masterpieces. So while the genuine copy of Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” is worth over $100 million, you can buy an excellent copy on the Internet for less than $100. If you’re faced with a choice of whether to go with a pricey original or a cheaper but good facsimile, take the latter. You just need what works, not what gives you prestige or bragging rights. Rob Brezsny

FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM 34 METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

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INMUSIC

Tis the Season for horrible holiday music and the Twilight soundtrack

Ahhh, tis the season. Tis the season that horrible Christmas music is heard in every store that you walk into. I didn’t think I could hate shopping in Walmart more than I already do. Oh, but it’s possible. There’s even a local radio station, that will go nameless, that has already switched their entire format to Christmas music. I didn’t think they could suck more. Oh, but it’s possible. I can’t say too much, at least you can hear that radio station. There are two things that I love completely: music and women, especially women in lingerie. So why not combine both of them? Coming up on Saturday, December 3, at Sky City, local designer Sally Keiser is showing off her line of lingerie with an awesome music lineup of Funk You, Cocoa Dylan and DJ Cielo. Doors open at 8 p.m., music starts at 9. I will give you an official boner warning. If you’re over 50, you’re going to love this. Bruce Springsteen announced a tour and a new album. If his hips hold up, look for the Boss to be heading to a city near you. The new album, which is still nameless, will be in stores early next year. In other aging rock star news, Van Halen has signed to Interscope Records and are putting out a new album, with touring news to follow. Van Halen or Van Hagar? Van Halen it is. David Lee Roth is back with the Van Halen brothers. If you have a chance to see the show, definitely go because I don’t see this lasting long. To help promote their seventh album, “El Camino,” the Black Keys have been booked as the musical guest of “Saturday Night Live.” The episode is December 3, with host Steve Buscemi. I just wish SNL was still funny. The Black Keys new album will be in stores on December 6. Rest easy Selena Gomez, he is not the father! (That was said in my best Maury impersonation.) At least pending his DNA test. Justin Bieber took his DNA test this week and the nice lady who was claiming Bieber was her baby daddy has quietly withdrawn the case. In good music news, Muse has hit the studio to work on their sixth album. No rush for the guys; they are planning an October 12 release date. That’s 2012. Well America has succeeded again. Succeeded in making the No. 1 album in the country an album by someone I have never heard of. Someone named Mac Miller holds the No. 1 spot. The kid looks like he’s a hipster wanna-be, but here’s the twist: he’s a rapper! Yeah! If you bought this album, please email me your address so I can come to your house and punch you in throat. Oh, and the No. 2 album in the country is Michael Buble’s Christmas album. The rest of the chart gets even worse. Sitting in the solid No. 4 position, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1” soundtrack. So if you want to have intercourse to the same song Edward and Bella had intercourse to, you can! I’m so team Jacob. Huge show this weekend: Avenged Sevenfold will be at the James Brown Arena on Saturday night. This show is the return of big rock acts coming to Augusta. I just hope Augusta shows up. What shows am I missing? Where should I be going? Email me at matt@ themetrospirit.com. Matt Stone can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock. V. 22 | NO. 652

, WHO S GONNA DROP THE

? E R M M A H BRAGGING RIGHTS ARE UP FOR GRABS! SATURDAY THE 26TH GAME TIME: NOON

"no turkey" weekend lineup. Thursday • Turkey Day! Open at 6pm. Live Music with Sibling String Friday • Post Turkey Party Live Music w/ Sun Dried Vibes Saturday • Rivalry Football Slippery When Wet - Bon Jovi Tribute Washington Road just past I-20 • 706-364-WILD (9453) w w w. w i l d w i n g c a f e . c o m METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11 39

Thursday, November 24 Live Music

Coyote’s - Jeremy Graham French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz One Hundred Laurens - Kenny George Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Surrey Tavern - Funk You Wild Wing - Sibling String The Willcox - 4 Cats in the Dog House

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s - Karaoke Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge - DJ Fred Nice The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans - DJ Kris Fisher The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Polo Tavern - DJ Nirvana Shannon’s - Karaoke Villa Europa - Karaoke with Ben Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Polo Tavern - Robbie Ducey Band Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Soul Bar - Jive Turkey Disco Hell Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, November 26 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Cotton Patch - T.J. Mimbs Country Club - Thomas Tillman

Coyote’s - Scott Little Band James Brown Arena - Avenged Sevenfold Metro Pub & Coffeehouse - Perkins and Prouty P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz Polo Tavern - Shameless Dave Redcliffe Plantation - Bill Karp Jazz Sky City - Sibling String w/ Mazes & Monsters Surrey Tavern - The Unmentionables Wild Wing - Slippery When Wet

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s - DJ Rana Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge - Reggae Night

with Island Vybez The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, November 27 Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice P.I. Bar and Grill - Live Music Wild Wing - Jason Marcum The Willcox - Mike Frost

Friday, November 25 Live Music

Cotton Patch - Chad Nichols Country Club - The Velcro Pygmies Coyote’s - Departure Doubletree Hotel - 3 Sides of Jazz Fox’s Lair - Jared Gay French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Polo Tavern - Robbie Ducey Band Sky City - The Favors w/ Young Georgians Somewhere in Augusta - Jim Perkins Surrey Tavern - The Unmentionables USC Aiken Convocation Center - Casting Crowns, Sanctus Real & The Afters, Lindsay McCaul Wild Wing - Sun Dried Vibes The Willcox - Kenny George

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s - DJ Tim Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge - Caribbean Night with DJ Spud Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes 40 METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

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Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jacks - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, November 28 What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Wild Wing - Trivia and Karaoke

Tuesday, November 29 Live Music

Cocktails Lounge - Live Music Fox’s Lair - John Fisher The Highlander - Open Mic Night Wild Wing - Sabo & Mike The Willcox - Piano Jazz

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Islands Bar & Lounge - DJ Fred Nice Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny

Wednesday, November 30 Live Music

209 on the River - Smooth Grooves Wild Wing - Old Man Crazy

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Club Rehab - Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Coyote’s – Drink N Drown & DJ Jeff Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad - Jazz DJ The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Comedy w/ Big Ed Caylor and Patrick Melton

Upcoming

Jeremy Graham - Coyote’s December 1 Black Swan Lane, Romeo Spike - Sky City December 1 Bill Gentry - Country Club December 2 Jim Perkins - Carolina Ale House December 2 Jucifer - Sky City December 8 Veara, Mudbrute, Miracle Year, My V. 22 | NO. 652

Brother’s Keeper, Panic Manor - Sector 7G December 9 Zach Deputy - Sky City December 9 The New Familiars - Stillwater Tap Room December 9 Amy Grant and Vince Gill - Bell Auditorium December 10 Michael Cleveland and Flamekeeper w/ Dale Ann Bradley - Imperial Theatre December 16 Jerry Seinfeld - Bell Auditorium January 19 Those Darlins - Sky City February 1 Winter Jam Tour - James Brown Arena February 9

Elsewhere

Cadillac Junkies - Vinyl, Atlanta November 25 Tony Bennett - Fox Theatre, Atlanta November 25 Mimosa - Masquerade, Atlanta November 25 Mary J. Blige - The Tabernacle, Atlanta November 25 Joe Bonamassa - Cobb Energy Performing Ar ts Centre, Atlanta November 26 Lady Antebellum - Savannah Civic Center, Savannah November 27 Austin Darnell, Grape Soda, Smoke Dreams - Flicker Theatre & Bar, Athens November 28 Tori Amos - Cobb Energy Performing Ar ts Centre, Atlanta November 29 Alex Tramble - No Where Bar, Athens November 29 Atlanta Funk Society - Smiths Olde Bar, Atlanta November 30 Staind - The Tabernacle, Atlanta December 1 Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Phillips Arena, Atlanta December 2 Ruth Moody Band - Lucas Theatre, Savannah December 3 Holiday Pops Concer t - Etherredge Center, Aiken December 10 Jim Perkins - The Georgian Tap Room, Athens December 11

SURREY TAVERN NOVEMBER

What’s Tonight?

WED 23RD

2nd Annual Dirty Turkey Party feat. STEWART AND WINFIELD $3 PBR Tall Boys $2 Miller High Lifes $5 Ketel One 2 for 1 shooters THURS 24TH FUNK YOU from AUGUSTA

FRI 25TH - SAT 26TH

THE UNMENTIONABLES

COME BOOGIE DOWN ALL NIGHT

SURREY GIVES THANKS TO THE LADIES BY LETTING THEM IN FREE ALL WEEKEND

Monday11/28 Free Game Night

SURREY PAYS FOR ALL DART,TOUCH SCREEN, POWER PUTT, AND 2012 GOLDEN TEE GAMES. BEER PONG TABLES ARE OPEN FOR FREE PLAY WITH $5 PITCHERS

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EARDRUM

Multiple Parachute cancellations leads to the discovery of Ian Axel

In May of 2009, the band Parachute released their debut single “She Is Love” and radio listeners around the country embraced the song, pushing it to peak at very respectable levels on both the U.S. Billboard Heatseekers and Adult Contemporary Charts. Just four months earlier, the band was known as Sparky’s Flaw and they were scheduled to open our Brendan James show at Fort Discovery Theater. Unfortunately for me they had to cancel just four days before the show. They immediately flew out to California, changed the name of the band and recorded their first CD “Losing Sleep.” Sparky’s Flaw was now Parachute and their first single was taking off. A few years later, in October of 2010, I received an email asking if we had any dates available for a possible Parachute show. Needless to say I was pretty stoked about the possibility of having another chance at this five-piece band. I threw out my offer and crossed my fingers. As fate would have it, they got an opportunity to open for the Plain White T’s and jumped on it, leaving me empty handed again. WTH? When their agent sent me the bad news, he ended the email with, “Very sorry it didn’t work out, but check out Ian Axel… he’s amazing.” So I took the “glass half full” approach and said goodbye to the Parachute plan, then clicked the link to check out Ian Axel’s music. The first thing that appeared on Ian’s website was the video “This Is the New Year,” a very catchy tune that hooked me immediately. After watching it a few times, I went to iTunes to see what else he had to offer. His songs “Say Something” and “Gone” were passionate tunes filled with emotion, while “Pacific Sun” was light and jovial and made me smile. Ian was now on my list of artists to get, and lucky for me we were fortunate enough to book him for a May 28 show earlier this year. A few months before his Downstairs Live appearance, I decided I wanted to try and recreate his video using the faculty and staff from my school. I’m a teacher at Garrett Elementary and the whole “This Is the New Year” message was a perfect fit for our situation. We had been displaced for two years while our new school was being built; and now that the new building was finished, we were all set to move in and start a new era in our little educational corner of the world. In Ian’s video, different people are lip-syncing the lyrics as they dance around to the song. I wanted Garrett’s new beginning to be special and inspiring, so I showed our staff Ian’s video and asked them if they would be interested in recreating it with all of us as the “stars.” I received a unanimous yes! The next week we started our video shoots, then I spent another week editing the footage. The finished product was fun and inspiring, and we were able to show it a few months later in August at our new school’s first open house. To check out that video, go to YouTube and search CRWconcepts. To watch Ian’s Downstairs Live concert, go justin.tv/downstairslive. Ian Axel

Chuck and his wife run Downstairs Live, a private concert series streamed live from their home. He also dabbles in photography and videography. For more info, go to crwconcepts.com or downstairslive.com.

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METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11 43

ONTHEBALL

Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

I’m Thankful For…

Time to celebrate the holiday with football and quotes that are made up! Instead of me going on and on about what I’m thankful for this year, I decided to devote my space this week for others to vent before the holiday. Thank you. I agree, that’s quite a gesture on my part. But there’s always what was really said, and what we know they wanted to say. So to celebrate the Thanksgiving season, I’ve compiled the Thanksgiving edition of “What We Wish They Said.” “And y’all gave me hell about some tattoos. Told ya it could’ve been worse!” — Jim Tressel, currently consulting for the 0-10 Indianapolis Colts, former Ohio State head coach, ’02 BCS National Champion, 12-time Coach of the Year “They just boys bein’ boys, man. We over here poppin’ bottles, puffin’ Bubble Kush and paying dimes for a good time, then you got Sandusky towel fightin’ and showering with little leaguers? What the hell that white dude thinkin’? Now dat is a lack of institutional control!” — Nevin Shapiro, Ponzi schemer, convicted felon and Miami booster who allegedly gave $2 million in illegal benefits to athletes at the University of Miami Side note: Miami this past weekend removed themselves from bowl eligibility because of the violations; their game on Saturday versus Boston College will be their season finale. “Honey, I’m gonna be gone for a few days. With the economy like this I can’t currently afford Christmas presents just yet, so I’ll be in Atlanta for a bit. If there’s any game a gullible Georgia fan will pay four times the ticket price to see live it’ll be this one.” — Every third-party ticket seller for the SEC championship game as the Georgia Bulldogs — and their fans — head to the Georgia Dome playing the “nobody believes in us!” card “Really guys, NC State?!?!?! Are you trying to get me killed?!?! You know it’s a contract year for me!! If you don’t get your act together and make everybody think I’m a good coach again I’m going to throw a fit every day during bowl week. That’s right, a first rate hissy fit. You got that?!?!” — Dabo Swinney, head coach of the Clemson Tigers, who somehow fumbled their way out of national title contention Programming alert: If you are from the Southeast, you already know to replace “somehow” with “predictably.” “Jay Cutler broke his thumb!!! Jay Cutler broke his thumb!!! Our season might be saved after all!” — Any member of the Atlanta Falcons organization or fan base “God bless you.” — Tim Tebow, Denver Broncos quarterback, former Florida Gator and all-around great guy who stands for more than the average guy can understand, so he catches

44 METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

grief for it. As far as I can tell this is really what he’s thinking.

Games to Watch

Green Bay @ Detroit: Thursday, November 24, 12:30 p.m., FOX There is much anticipation for this one. Haven’t said that for quite some time.

No. 3 Arkansas @ No. 1 LSU: Friday, November 25, 2:30 p.m., CBS Isn’t having the Top 3 teams in the nation from not only the same conference, but from the same division ridiculous? SEC WEST! SEC WEST! SEC WEST! Aquinas vs. Landmark Christian: Friday, November 25, 7:30 p.m. The Irish are continuing to leave their imprint on the school record books. Keep up the good work, boys. No.13 Georgia @ No.23 Georgia Tech: Saturday, November 26, high noon, ESPN “I know I’m asking a lot you guys, but hunker it down one more time!” No.17 Clemson @ No.12 South Carolina: Saturday, November 26, 7:45 p.m., ESPN Tommy Bowden made a living underachieving with Clemson, but at least he knew how to beat Carolina. Dabo is in a contract year; you best believe a loss here will rearrange some of the digits around on that paper.

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ADVICEGODDESS

Give Till It Hertz

For 10 years, this woman and I have had a hot-and-cold long-distance relationship, the temperature of which she’s always controlled. She’s 56; I’m 46. Last year, she felt ready to try for something lasting. She couldn’t afford to travel, so I paid for her flight. She stayed with me for two wonderful, passionate months, and then we vacationed together in February. I paid for her flight, rental car, hotel and meals. Again, it was very passionate. Last month, we vacationed together again, funded by me. The day she arrived, she declared her sex life a thing of the past. I was stunned and found sharing the bed rather challenging, but I’ve never forced myself on any woman and I’m not about to start. My friends are now fuming. I counter that in funding everything, it was never my intention to be paying for “horizontal refreshment.” Was she wrong to agree to this trip and then change the terms of our relationship? Am I in denial in not feeling angry? — Wondering

When you’ve been romantic with a woman for a decade and you’re taking her on yet another “passionate” getaway, it’s reasonable to expect she’ll be interested in doing more in bed than letting you watch as she does the crossword puzzle. (If she’s feeling kinky, you could be in for some mind-blowing sudoku.) It cost you, what, $3,000 — the price of a TV the size of a small European country — to have her personally deliver the news that she wouldn’t be having sex with you? You’d be leading your friends in fuming if you hadn’t gotten all tangled up in your self-image as a gentleman. And no, just because a man buys a woman something — dinner, for example — that doesn’t mean she owes him sex. But, let’s be honest; we all know he isn’t buying dinner out of an overwhelming desire to feed hungry females free lobster, and it isn’t brotherly benevolence that’s behind an all-expensespaid vacation from a man who does not earn a living as a game show host. The question is, was this woman’s lack of pre-vacation disclosure a random act of jerkhood, utterly unpredictable, like a Russian satellite landing on some poor schlub’s beater Yugo? Or, more likely, was it utterly predictable based on years of your showing her you’d take whatever she dished out? Your lack of anger is telling. Anger gets triggered when you feel somebody’s shorted you on something you were entitled to — like the courtesy of a phone call (before you paid for yet another “passionate vacation”) informing you that the birds are taxidermied and the bees are dead. Chances are, you’re a too-nice guy — a guy whose “niceness” is actually suckuppyness, who believes his perceived loserhood will be “cured” if only he can get into a relationship. Ironically, the loserhood is caused by the willingness to do anything for love. That doesn’t get you love; it gets you doing anything and everything for it and ending up with blue balls and a big hotel bill. In the future, even if you can’t quite believe you deserve a mutual relationship, you need to risk acting as if you do, and speak up and even bail whenever one turns out not to be. Everything won’t always be 50/50, but you and a woman you take on a romantic vacation should be on the same page about the proper placement of the “Do Not Disturb” sign: on the doorknob all weekend, as opposed to around her neck.

Odd Manischewitz Out

Several of my Jewish friends have found love on JDate. I am a 32-year-old man who isn’t Jewish and has no aspiration to convert but would like to give JDate a try. Huge faux pas? — Lapsed Catholic

JDate advertises that its mission is sustaining “Jewish traditions” — apparently including the tradition of pissing off one’s parents by getting together with a Catholic. Where I live, in the 21 to 41 age group, I counted 279 non-Jewish JDaters, including four lesbians looking for nice Jewish girls. The thing to be wary of is that people are prone to be overly inclusive at the point of sale. A woman may sincerely believe some interfaithy thing can work, and then the relationship gets serious and her parents lay on the pressure and, before you know it, you’re getting dumped for Shlomo McShlomowitz. Should you end up dating some hot Hebrew, as tempting as it is to focus on all the ways you’re compatible, you’d better dig into all the ways you’re not. Sure, relationships are compromise, but it’s one thing to put off the zombie movie till next weekend and another thing entirely to try to answer the question “What will the children be?” with “Jewish on Wednesdays and Catholic on the weekends?”

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EVANS

Across from Evans Cinema • 706.868.1450 ©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

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AUGUSTA MALL

Across from the mall • 706.738.1300

MARTINEZ

Across from K-MART • 706.868.1550

Full Service Washes (We Vacuum) Express Washes (You Vacuum) Detail Services • Oil Changes METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11 45

Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

Jenny’s Rules

Everyone behave (and have a drink) and nobody gets hurt The Thanksgiving feast is hours away. Are you looking forward to it? Overwhelmed with a sense of dread? Growing up, I think everyone on my mom’s side of the family always prepped for the worst. No one wanted to be the one who made Grandma cry. She usually did anyway, but we tried. When she cried, Mom was mad because someone made her cry. It wasn’t completely miserable, but you get the point. Everyone behave and no one gets hurt. That side of the family has changed and moved apart over the years, so I vowed that I wouldn’t stress out during the holiday season. I’m not always calm, cool and perfectly collected, but there are a few things I keep in mind to maintain a Zen-like mentality. Feeling frazzled? Take a deep breath (and a pull from the bourbon bottle) and try to stay focused. Burn the turkey? Doesn’t matter. Unless you are entertaining the president himself, Thanksgiving should be pressure free. You may have family members who act like royalty, but

who’s doing the cooking here? Sure, Thanksgiving is all about the food, but the world won’t end if the turkey isn’t perfect. Just order some Chinese wings and call it a day. You know they’re open. Plus, you’ll have a great story to tell next year. Keep the scheduling to a minimum. We’re all on vacation, and many of us have traveled a long way to “enjoy” forced family fun. No one wants to have to stress about being to such and such a place for fear of upsetting anyone. If someone’s late, get over it. I can’t

stand being tardy, but it happens sometimes. What does it really matter if they miss trying your famous pumpkin cheese ball? Be glad, even thankful, for every person who is there. Many people can’t be with their families at all. Serve mashed potatoes instead of rice. Mashed potatoes are much better than rice. Stock up on alcohol. You may not drink, but it’s unreasonable to assume that all of your guests want to teetotal as well. I’m not suggesting that you have a fully stocked open bar (though

you wouldn’t hear me complaining if you did). A bottle or two of wine or champagne chilled in the fridge will keep people a little more relaxed. Don’t judge anyone who gets a little tipsy. If they’re being nice, who cares? Besides, if they get drunk and embarrass themselves, it’ll take the pressure off of you. In years to come, everyone will talk about them instead of your burned turkey. Though I occasionally miss some of the folks from my mom’s side of the family, I don’t miss the pressure for the perfect holiday. I don’t miss the tears and frustration because my cousin yelled “dammit!” when he dropped his bread plate. Remember that whole part about upsetting Grandma? She wasn’t a fan of cussing. What’s the big deal? It’s simple. Get together. Get along. Don’t pass judgment. Pass the dinner rolls. Eat, drink and be merry. There isn’t a second chance for all of this. At our house, however, there will be plenty of Bloody Marys.

JENNYISWRIGHT

Holiday Cheer

Thursday, December 1st • 4 to 8PM

at at Surrey Surrey Center Center

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46 METRO SPIRIT 11.24.11

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