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Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

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WHINELINE I believe you are being watched. I swear the music community in Augusta is the most inbred local music scene of any city I have played in - especially downtown Augusta. There are maybe 5-10 bands that have their wagons circled and allow noone else in. You know the ones. You see them every weekend at the same few music bars downtown. Good grief. sharon jones rocked! i especially loved when she invited the local girls on stage with her. I listened to Phil Kent on Austin’s show Thursday complaining about the coverage of him. How did he know? He’s in Atlanta and as far as I know you guys aren’t on line. OMG Josh Ruffin is hilarious! Augusta, Dont rush to the gas pumps because it 2.99 a gallon. Remember ITS STILL 2.99 A GALLON! dont be conditioned into thinking thats cheap. keep consumption down. re:”Hank Williams Jr. Ditched by ESPN over Obama Hitler Comments”: Hey Hank! Comments like that could Earn You a New Gig! Yeah! In GITMO! IDunno! Where’s Your Brain Man?! We ARE at WAR! Where has augusta’s MUSIC SCENE gone? Downtown is dried up and there is no local support for local bands. A true sign the apocalypse is near. where did all the music go in augusta? Im a musician and native augustan and our local music scene is gone. Downtown is dried up and there is no local support for local



music.The writing is on the wall. The apocalypse is coming. Deke is like the Paula Abdul of mayors. He may make you “feel” good, but you have more respect for the one who tells you the truth. Layoffs at GHSU. How many jobs could have been saved if Drew Carrey’s stunt double hadn’t spent 2 mil changing the name from MCG? I’m a liberal so I guess that kind of makes me like Jesus Christ. Austin Rhodes is a conservative so that makes him like Adolf Hitler. Now, I’m not claiming Austin Rhodes is Adolf Hitler. I’m just comparing him to Hitler in the same way Hank Williams compared Obama to Hitler. Maybe me and Austin can play golf sometime. It would be like Jesus playing with Hitler. Who would win? Who said that Hank Jr. was saying Obama was Hitler....maybe he meant the speaker was Hitler. The media just took it for granted when he never specified. I guess GHSU feels they have to lay off workers...someones got to pay that $3.5 million dollars its costing to change all the signs and letterheads! Here it comes - so get ready. The Amanda Knox movie. The Amanda Knox tell-all book. The Amanda Knox 20/20 interview. The Amanda Knox on Good Morning America interview. The Amanda Knox on Piers Morgan interview. The Oprah Winfrey “comes out of retirement” interview with Amanda Knox. You’ve been warned!

the guy before him, but I heard that in a department general personnel meeting he went to on his first month, he ranted on about how anyone who did not like his style should “get off the bus” before he was “invited to” and that he was going to “get back” at the bus drivers for pulling him to the negotiating table. Turns out that the one who had to jump off the bus after losing face when the school board called his bluff for more money was him.

Your right...what a nut job (sarcasm).

$25 dollars for a ticket to Augusta’s best? Last year was terrible. you think to much of yourself.

Hello, I am a BIG L.i.E. fan! I am writing in response to the Goodbye show to L.i.E. on 11/11/11 article that was written. I think it was nice that the news personal took interest in this band but I think it was a shame that person didn’t get all their information correct inregards to all the members. I think its just rude to mention all the band members except Josh Newman (guitar player) and the actual FOUNDER of the band. I thought the article was nice but just thought that the person writing the article would have gotten their facts together before attempting to name all the members in the band except one.

How is Ron Paul a nut job? Oh, because he thinks that the federal government should be smaller so it is easier to control and manage. That the feds should only step in when civil rights are abused. That the states should decide the legality of marijuana and not the feds. That the Federal Reserve should be disbanded.


Parents with kids at a daycare in Evans should be very careful. If I was a parent my kid would never go there and further more you parents with young teenager’s working there should really be concerned. Well isn’t that just like the Metro Spirit to criticize an American patriot like Phil Kent. Give it up Metro. You lost.

“The Simpsons” has been on the air for 23 years.


20th Century Fox TV wants the voice actors on “The Simpsons” to take a 45 percent pay cut before they agree to a 24th season.

Dana Bedden may have been a better school superintendent than

V. 22 | NO. 59


My bank is charging $3.00 starting the first of next month. Do I like it? No. But I also remember standing in line behind some soul who only realized they had to pay for their two hundred-items-or-less in the express lane after they’d been rung up, and then and only then went digging through their ranger rucksack sized purse; pulling out half its contents to locate first their checkbook, then, after a few minutes rummaging, ended up borrowing a pen from the cashier only to have to repeat the ‘lost and found’ routine to produce an ID. To be able to use my card with just a swipe and punch is worth ten cents a day, but, to not have to wait behind some disorganized, addled customer: Priceless. Who’d have thought the ‘twist’ to the NYTimes x-word ENtwisted would be that it was the wrong grid published with the clues? Looked liked a fun one, too. Sigh. Most people in Augusta support Deke and his baseball stadium. It’s only a cranky few libertarians (they

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know who they are) who are trying to stir up the pot as thought people are against the stadium. Everyone I know think it is a great idea and support it. Don’t listen to the libertarians who are against everything. Most sensible Augustans want progress and support Deke and the ballpark. Could’nt believe the hate in last weeks whine lines. Commenting on a few the first one about Gov. Christie’s weight bet this AH wouldn’t say a word about Michael Moore’s fatass. Whine about Matt Monroe-if HE creeps you out I’d get some help cauze you need it cuz. Whine about Lady A your a jealous loser-sorry!! whine about Augusta being behind the”big”cities-be patient we will get a lot more gangs, traffic and rude idiots like yourself. To the poor guy that can’t get waited on properly.. stay the f home and make a peanut butter bitchwitch. To the class warfare enthusiest (see the Lady A comment) To the rude sobz at crazy turds I’ll never be in there againtotally not nice...and last but not least to the art critic that didn’t like the

Read It and Weep

There are reasons galore to visit Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (, a daily humor website from McSweeney’s publishing company in San Francisco. Great, nonsensical writing abounds. And just when we thought Mike Lacher’s monologue “I’m Comic Sans, A**hole” was the funniest thing we’d ever read, we saw this title: “Julian Lennon, on the Eve of His Parents’ Divorce, Sits Through a New Song by Uncle Paul.” Like a needle in a haystack, it’s kind of hard to find (look under Short Imagined Monologues), but it’s definitely worth seeking out.

WERECOMMEND dragon-wah,wah,wah, there are many great artists in this city-oh someone else has an opinion different than yours...what?? These people ar e so unhappy... maybe its them. What is going on with the news coverage at WGAC? Doesn’t anybody go to the commission meetings any more? I’m not saying “Bring Back Scott Hudson,” because that was a bucket full of crazy, but can’t they get an intern or someone to report?

ooooh. it’s the million moron march at the common wednesday. i feel the beginning of something really big! Please pick me for the Guitar Pull Roadie! I promise I’ll behave and I can pick up very heavy things. I’m freakishly strong.




Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

The Super Duper A New Millennium Rainmaker

Insiders are wondering what got under Phil Kent’s aluminum lining so much that he called Austin Rhode’s show last Thursday afternoon to lament our coverage of his appointment to the Georgia Immigration Enforcement Review Board from that day’s Insider column. Not only that, but he actually wrote a letter to the editor calling out the Insider for his (or her) lack of concern for public safety because the Insider didn’t mention the rise of criminal Georgia street gangs like MS 13 and SUR 13 in our column. Random? Yes. Our mistake. But his response follows a welldocumented pattern — attack, explain and distract. Disagree with me? Obviously, you’re “one of them.” Such sensitivity from such a tough guy, though. At first it didn’t make sense. After all, the guy is a machine when it comes to public criticism. A Steve Martin look alike robot. It doesn’t take much digging around to figure out that for the last few years the guy’s been in utter freefall. How can the executive director of the American Immigration Control Foundation be in freefall, you ask. Isn’t he also the national spokesperson for the Americans for Immigration Control? The CEO of the American Seniors Association? Yep. He’s got a lot on his plate, doesn’t he? Ever run into someone from the AICF? Ever see anything other than the occasional press release from the AIC? No? Us either. Why? They’re websites. That’s it. That’s what they are. That’s pretty much

all they are. It’s kind of like being mayor of Farmville. And these websites are the prepackaged kind. The ones that all look the same. The ones that are about as original as a Phil Kent letter to the editor. It wasn’t always like this. During his early days he actually had a reputation. He was Senator Strom Thurmond’s press secretary and later on, of course, he articulated the Chronicle’s stance on its editorial page. Since being dispatched from Augusta for plagiarism, however, he has attached himself to a wide variety of thoroughly bush league endeavors. Oh, they all sound respectable enough to the casual ear, but those that inquire see them for exactly what they are. How can we tell? Just look at his own website. Check out his publication history. Scroll down and work your way

up. When it starts, he’s publishing all over the place. In the AJC, the Baltimore Sun, the Sacramento Bee. Phil Kent appeared to matter. Scroll your way up, though, and pretty quickly the respected newsgathering organizations fall away until his views are only being posted more or less exclusively at Middle American News and James Magazine. Yeah, we’ve never heard of them, either. So what happened? Did he suddenly lose his ability to write? Did he lose his Blackberry with all the big boys’ contact information? No. He simply slipped away and ceased to matter. Think about it. What’s this supposed great American thinker doing working as the communications director of Fast Auto Loans of Virginia? Root around some of these websites a little bit. Let the links and the people

carry you away, and you’ll be amazed where you end up. The AICF he’s the executive director of? A guy named John Vinson heads it up, and he’s a founding member of the League of the South. Check out that website. Feel comfortable with the Confederate flag waving proudly from the masthead? You better if you “like” that page. Most telling, however, is the American Seniors Association website, supposedly the conservative response to AARP. It’s not an advocacy group for seniors. It’s an insurance brokerage site. I mean, really. Ask yourself why someone would appoint a journalist chief executive officer of an insurance brokerage? Here’s why. He’s a rainmaker for business interests that exploit the bigotry of the few to squeeze some bucks. He has created a façade of respectability using the internet, with its bottomless pit of random websites, to build a veneer of substance. The Super Duper. And it worked. He has a grip on becoming bonafide again. All the keyboarding and combative interviews have paid off. The Gov has made him official. The reason for his sudden concern with what the Metro Spirit has to say about him? The house of cards. It’s leaning. The facts are the facts. Do what we did. Simply knock around the internet. It’s his cache. And what is actually most alarming to him is not the marauding bands of Latinos but the masquerade of Phil Kent Enterprises crumbling under the sheer weight of public scrutiny.

Debriefing Westobou

Too little too late, or just enough just in time? Here’s hoping this year’s reboot helps Westobou find its footing and allows it to step out of the shadowy confusion and into its rightful future. In spite of its rocky beginnings, it’s always had the potential to be a great festival — the people in charge just needed to step out of the way. Spoleto in Augusta? That’s the same as the Masters in McBean. Nice idea, but come on. Once the Trustees of the Academy of Richmond County were smart enough



to clean house and bring in Molly McDowell, the event really came into its own. A few more years of that vision and Westobou might actually become the brand everyone’s been hoping it would be. Were there a few people miffed that audiences were going to things rather than wandering though town stumbling onto things? Sure… probably the same people who complain there’s nothing to do in Disgusta.

The story behind the creation and execution of this four-year-old event is a tale worthy of a Tom Wolfe novel. A brief one, maybe, but still. All in good time. Now, it needs to be pointed out that the first couple of festivals were like being on the business end of a fire hose — entertainment everywhere. This year, with fewer offerings of a distinctly higher quality, the festival was more manageable and exponentially cooler.

Ira Glass? Are you kidding me? Sharon Jones at the parade grounds? The parade grounds? Molly McDowell deserves the lion’s share of the credit, and we hope she gets it from the people who matter. It’s no secret her contract is up at the end of October and it’s also no secret that she’s got her fingers crossed that she’ll be asked to come back. Let it be known that our fingers are crossed, too.

V. 22 | NO. 59



Place Your Bets Now

Kent Fights Back

Which sheriff is staying and which is going?

Nicely, of course, asking that we publish his response to “the latest ‘insider’ smear against me”

Captain Scott Peebles

Looking for a couple of sure things? Take it to the bank — come next November, there’ll be a new sheriff in town… and a reelected one. Any guesses as to which? Those in the know report that Sheriff Ronnie Strength has decided to hang it up, which might give disgraced lawman Richard Roundtree a glimmer of hope, but should ultimately do little more than clear the way for Scott Peebles to ease into Richmond County’s top spot. Despite some rumblings that Columbia County’s Clay Whittle is ready to pull the cord on his golden parachute and ride it off into the sunset somewhere over the Highway 47 bridge, Whittle has made it clear that anyone looking to take his job better be ready for a fight. Not only is Whittle not ready to pull the cord — why would anyone want

to voluntarily jump out of a perfectly good (and pretty awesome) airplane — Whittle’s parachute isn’t nearly as golden as people think. Once upon a time in Richmond County the chutes were like that. In fact, there are still a few left who can enjoy 80 percent of their pay for sitting at home being safe. But in Columbia County? They like their law and order out there, but not enough to get all Big Government about it. Plus, Whittle’s got a couple of teenagers and a wife, and those aren’t cheap wherever you like. Ronnie, however, has decided it’s time to pack up his things and move on. Too bad he won’t be able to do it from the mold-free office that’s on the horizon.

\Re the anonymous personal attack on me by “Insider” (Oct. 6): First, I’d like to thank Gov. Nathan Deal for appointing me to the seven-member Immigration Enforcement Review Board that oversees compliance with Georgia’s immigration enforcement law. I’d also like to thank all of the people — especially my Augusta friends — who called the governor’s office to thank him. I was sworn in on Sept. 29 and we held our first meeting that day. Second, I make no apologies for my longtime record of supporting strict enforcement of our immigration laws. I believe in the traditional assimilation model for our country. Everyone should be proud of their race, ethnicity and background but if they want to legally become an American they should embrace the ties that bind us — such as learning English, taking civics courses, understanding our rule of law and being patriotic. This shaped our Judeo-Christian culture that made this nation great for over 200 years. What my anonymous critic and the left-wing groups that attack me don’t want Americans to understand is that “multiculturalism” and “multilingualism” eventually divide people into ethnic enclaves and wars against the assimilation model. In this regard, the leaders of Great Britain, France and Germany are correct in their recent declarations that multiculturalism has failed because immigrants aren’t assimilating into the mainstream culture of the host country. Of course, my views and writings have nothing to do with my work on this review panel. Just like a judge who is appointed by a Democrat or Republican governor, but who is expected to follow the law, members of the panel will evaluate the complaints brought before us without fear or favor. “Insider” calls me names because he (or she) admits to being “alarmed” by the Legislature’s creation of the review board. What is so “alarming” about trying to ensure a legal workforce for Georgia — especially during a time of high unemployment? To cite an example of something really alarming, however, would be the rise of criminal street gangs like MS 13 and SUR 13 whose Georgia members number in the thousands and who warehouse illegal aliens in their ranks — many of whom often work “regular jobs” These gangs are responsible for murders, rapes and a plethora of other “alarming” offenses. Yet nowhere in the “Insider” column does he (or she) evoke any concern for public safety. Accordingly, it is no surprise that “Insider” doesn’t care about keeping Georgia’s workplaces safe, either. Phil Kent Atlanta








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METRONEWS What’s in a Name?

Windsor Jeweler’s Donnie Thompson resurrects an Augusta icon

With the We Buy Gold stores seemingly popping up in every vacant gas station and strip mall, and goldbuying road shows rolling into area hotels nearly every weekend, the resale gold market might seem to be a little crowded. But Windsor Jewelers Owner Donnie Thompson sees a chance to use that market to bring back an old friend. Longtime Augustans will remember Friedman’s as the preeminent jeweler of the area, and Thompson has resurrected the Friedman’s name as a brick-and-mortar gold buying center in the old Rite Aid at the corner of Washington Road and Alexander Drive. “What we’re trying to do is bring a level of gold buying back to when we were Friedman’s,” Thompson says. “In the 1980s we had similar circumstances and we bought gold back then. Now, everyone’s doing it.” Though thoroughly associated with Windsor Jewelers, Thompson has an even longer association with Friedman’s. His father, uncle and cousin worked at Friedman’s going all the way back to the 1920s, and Thompson himself worked there for 30 years. “Windsor actually belonged to them originally,” he says. “I ran it for them and they sold it to me.” Once employing hundreds of people in its corporate offices off Washington Road by the Augusta National, Friedman’s was at one time the largest



home-based payroll out of Augusta — and that’s just the half of it… literally. Friedman’s was actually two separate companies — the Augusta branch and the Savannah branch — that operated independently across the country until the Savannah branch sold out to a big company and the two Friedman’s fought over the name. The Augusta Friedman’s lost the battle, becoming Marks and Morgan. The larger California Friedman’s went bankrupt two years ago. Thompson, however, didn’t want the name to die off. “Somehow, we got to talking with them and they wanted an astronomical amount for the name and I said, ‘Well, we all worked there most of our lives,’ so

we kept talking to them and we ended up buying it at the last minute. It felt like it should come back to Augusta. That’s where it all started.” While Thompson is starting Friedman’s out slow, beginning with

the gold buying operation that exists in conjunction with his Windsorrun mobile gold buying units set up at the mall and the Andy Jones car dealership, he expects to start internet sales of price-point merchandise soon. He expects the internet sales to take off. “It’s more like you would find in the mall stores,” he says of the operation, which will eventually have a showroom in the Friedman’s building. “Except we’ll try to have a better price then a mall store. It will be similar merchandise, we’ll just try to keep the cost down.” Like the gold-buying stores, he says internet sales have become extremely popular. “When times are good, everybody gets into everything because it’s easy,” Thompson says. “But then, when things get tough, only the best survive. It’s kind of a weeding out process that happens in everything, and the only reason some people

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survive is because there isn’t another place doing a better job.” With Friedman’s, Thompson is planning to best the competition by giving excellent customer service as well as offering the best products at the best price. Besides, he says, a lean independent company is sometimes better equipped for change than a big chain store. “If the industry changes or the style changes, an independent can be into a product and out of a product before a chain ever figures out what’s going on,” he says. “We understand the trends and sometimes chains don’t, because they’ve got a buyer sitting over there saying, ‘Let me buy it for the lowest price.’ Fortunately, we’ve got a crew that can pick styles.” These moves — the NASCAR buses, the new store with more mainstream jewelry and internet sales — might seem drastic, given the solid reputation Windsor enjoys, not to mention its dominating position in the local market, but Thompson says the industry is changing in ways that would have been unthinkable just a few years ago. “I think the merchants that survive all of this are going to be the ones that

can deliver service and price, because people are going to find out that over the internet, the service just isn’t there with most companies. Some do a good job, but those fly-by-nights just sell stuff, and if you’ve got a problem, well,

you’ve got a problem.” He says the same rules apply to gold buying that apply to retail. “Would you go out and buy an engagement ring from a guy who’s sitting up in a hotel room on the

weekend?” he asks. “It’s the same thing with selling gold — why would you want to go where you feel uncomfortable? It’s the same scenario.”

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Raising Utilities

200 raises while the rest of the city employees make do… again Having learned by those who went before him that Augusta commissioners don’t like vagaries when it comes to dolling out pay increases, Augusta Utilities Director Tim Wiedmeier’s case for why 204 of his employees should receive pay increases was deliberate, researched and in the process of being verified by an outside compensation analyst. Wiedmeier told the Engineering Services Committee that he’d been working on the reorganization of his department for about a year and explained that, once implemented, the reorganization would reduce 52 budgeted positions and have a net savings of about $750,000. That was after factoring in the 204 pay increases. In producing the plan, he divided the employees into two categories — those due a pay increase solely because of the reorganization and those lower classified positions that were reclassified because of what Wiedmeier called “tremendous turnover issues.” Of those 80 reclassified positions,

10 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

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support this while we disallowed giving over 2,000 of our employees money back for furlough days,” he said. “I’ll grant you that your people are probably more than deserving, but I also feel that those people we refused — what kind of message are we sending to them? What it basically boils down to is, if you want to get ahead in this government, you’d better work for an enterprise fund because if you don’t, you’re not going to get a pay increase.” Kenny Cook, the compensation analyst who was also Aiken’s former HR director, assured commissioners that the increases were still well under what the market survey called for


most were meter readers, customer service clerks and cashiers. Over a two-year period, the department has experienced a 50 percent turnover in those positions, Wiedmeier said. “We feel like a modest adjustment to this classification will help us retain and recruit better staff,” he said. In addition, five assistant directors and one water production specialist were to receive more than the 15 percent increase the Russell was allowed to approve. Commissioner Alvin Mason, who visited the Utilities Department to talk firsthand with the employees in the midst of the reorganization, was

An option for suicide “with elegance and euphoria” is how Lithuanian-born Ph.D. candidate Julijonas Urbonas (London’s Royal College of Art) described his “Euthanasia (Roller) Coaster,” currently on the drawing board. Urbonas’ model of “gravitational aesthetics” would be a third-mile-long, 1,600-foot-high thrill ride engineered to supply 10 Gs of centrifugal force (a spin at about 220 mph) to induce cerebral hypoxia, forcing blood away from the head and denying oxygen to the brain. Euphoria (and disorientation and anxiety, but not pain) are likely states to precede the brain’s shutdown. Urbonas insisted that users would have the option through the first two minutes of the three-minute ride to rethink their decision and bail out (or else to push the final “fall” button). (Suicide is legal in four European countries and Oregon and Washington.)

Government in Action!

surprisingly positive about the increases, given his vehement opposition to the 44 raises Administrator Fred Russell gave out earlier in the year. “Clearly, there was a need to address the issues that were going on out there,” he said, pointing out that the Utilities Department was overdue for a pay increase. Another critic of the earlier pay increases, Bill Lockett made it clear that while sympathetic to any cause dealing with employee pay, it was hard to be too supportive given the fact that a majority of city employees would not be enjoying the same increase. “I applaud you for what you’ve done in utilities, but it’s going to be extremely hard for this commissioner to

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regarding the positions. As for the disparity Lockett noted between seemingly equal positions, Cook explained an outcome of modern economics called salary compression, which is basically the gulf that exists between current employees, who aren’t getting raises, and the new employees, who were offered their jobs at the market price in order to attract the most qualified to the job. “You may have a person that’s been working here for five years who hasn’t received an increase in pay because of the lack of funds or whatever and now you’ve got somebody new that’s been brought in for the same position making more than that five-year employee,” he said. “It’s terrible for morale.”

In August, the Securities and Exchange Commission’s inspector general revealed that a $1,200 cash award was paid by the agency in 2010 to one of the very employees who had been specifically singled out for allowing Bernard Madoff to talk his way out of SEC inquiries in 2005 and 2006, before his epic Ponzi scheme was exposed in 2008. (The IG helpfully recommended that, in the future, awards not be given to employees who have recently been facing potential disciplinary action for poor performance.) Among the aftershocks of the 9-11 attacks on America was the colossal budget-busting on “homeland security” — a spending binge that, additionally, was thought to require something approaching uniform disbursement of funds throughout the 50 states. (Endless “what if” possibilities left no legislator willing to forsake maximum security.) Among the questionable projects described in a Los Angeles Times August review were the purchase of an inflatable Zodiac boat with wide-scan sonar — in case terrorists were eyeing Lake McConaughy in Keith County, Neb.; cattle nose leads, halters and electric prods (to protect against biological attacks on cows, awarded to Cherry County, Neb.); a terrorist-proof iron fence around a Veterans Affairs hospital near Asheville, N.C.; and $557,400 in communications and rescue gear in case North Pole, Alaska, got hit. The Office of Personnel Management’s inspector general denounced the agency in September for promiscuously continuing to pay pension benefits to deceased federal retirees — citing a 70 percent rise in bogus payments over the last five years. However, another federal inspector general (the Social Security Administration’s) chastised its agency for the opposite reason: About 14,000 people each year are cut off from benefits after erroneously being declared dead.

News That Sounds Like a Joke

The convenience store clerk, Falguni Patel, was giving testimony in the September trial of Morgan Armstrong (charged with robbing her in Hudson, Fla., in 2009) when she began shaking and then passed out while seated in the witness box. A relative of Patel’s approached, removed her sneaker and held it to Patel’s face, without success. The relative explained that Patel was subject to such blackouts and that sniffing the sneaker often revives her. (After paramedics attended to her, Patel took the rest of the day off and went back to court the next morning.)

Great Art!

Although Moroccan artist Mehdi-Georges Lahlou, 27, concedes that photographs can be misinterpreted, he maintains on his website that he never wants to hurt people’s feelings. Nevertheless, he said he is proud of his photo exhibit in which he stands completely nude, allowing various verses of the Quran to be projected on his skin. His latest scheduled appearance was at an art fair in Marrakesh in October. Earlier this year, Marion Laval-Jeantet won a notable Prix Ars Electronica award for her “hybrid” work that, she said, intends to blur the boundaries between species. Laval-Jeantet stepped onstage in Ljubljana, Slovenia, as a horse-human, having earlier injected herself with horse blood (after prepping her body for several months with different horse immunoglobulins). She also walked with stilts that had “hooves” affixed to the bottom. She capped the show by extracting some of her own presumably-hybrid blood, to be frozen and stored for future research. METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 11


By Eric Berlin / Edited by Will Shortz

ACROSS 1 Tierra en el agua 5 Horror movie locale, in brief 10 Run ___ of 15 “Whoa! Calm down!” 19 Be featured (in) 20 Words on a Spanish valentine 21 Temerity 22 Choir part 23 Rods on a cowboy’s truck 25 Environmentally sound keyboard 27 Prepare the soil for planting, perhaps 28 Multicapable 29 DLXXVI doubled 30 Lily type 32 Foreign visitors? 33 Only nonsentient zodiac symbol 36 In style 37 Voting to pass 38 Empathetic words 40 Password preceder, generally 41 Example, for instance: Abbr. 42 007 strategy 44 High card up one’s sleeve 46 Baltimore daily, with “the” 47 ___ voce 48 French river or department 49 Smartphone supplements 53 Property claims 55 Some sexy nightwear 60 Clingy wrap 61 Ties up 63 Memo abbr. 65 “To Live and Die ___” 66 Narrow overhang 68 Government resister standing ready 70 It might be in a belt 71 More than attentive 72 Immature egg 73 East Coast rte. 74 Was sincere 76 Strong point 78 It often involves a Snellen chart 80 ___ about 82 All, in old-time stage directions 84 Modern address 85 Shock a fairy-tale monster 89 Nocturnal birds liable to keep people awake 91 Take most of 94 Burglar discouragers

95 Billiards shot 97 Fannie ___ 98 “Pastorals” poet 99 Former Portuguese colony in China 100 Certain game-ending cry 101 Industrial hub of Germany 103 1983 domestic comedy 104 Like invalid ballots 107 Fries, e.g. 109 Soup spoon designed for shellfish 111 Last costume at a costume party 113 Requiem hymn word 114 Visibly stunned 115 Michael and Sonny’s brother in “The Godfather” 116 Cleaner target 117 Five-spots 118 Transport, as across a river 119 1999 Broadway revue 120 Seasonal worker, say DOWN 1 U.N. member since ’49 2 Like some newly laundered shirts 3 Ointment base 4 Bitterly cold 5 Californie, e.g. 6 Collection of specialized words 7 Green-headed water birds 8 What wavy lines may indicate in a comic strip 9 Lean-___ 10 Celestial being, in France 11 Actor José 12 Trilogy that includes “Agamemnon” 13 Eye layers 14 Carnival follower 15 When the events in flashbacks took place 16 Field with unknowns 17 RR stop 18 “___ knight doth sit too melancholy”: “Pericles” 24 Part of “the many,” in Greek 26 Canola, for one 28 Clears out of, as a hotel room 29 Hosts, briefly 31 Cheerful and spirited, as a voice 34 Singer Ocasek 35 Fruit drink 37 It might have serifs

39 Before long 40 Straight 42 ___ Vista (Disney video distributor) 43 Boiled cornmeal 45 Cashew, for one 46 Hit hard, as brakes 49 Northeastern Indian state 50 ___ d’Or (film award) 51 Italian “first” 52 Many a “Damn Yankees” role 54 Mutely showed respect 56 Truck fuel 57 Paper collector 58 Kagan of the Supreme Court 59 “The Crucible” locale 62 Pooh-bah 64 Business card abbr. 67 Gets the water out of 68 Many Monopoly spaces 69 They might atone 72 Moved like water into plant roots 75 Very, very funny 77 Short answers? 79 Festive time 81 Note to self 83 “___ in the kitchen with Dinah” (old song lyric) 85 Bad situation 86 Suffix with Cray87 Unfilled spaces 88 Mesmerized states 90 Newspaper section that competes with Craigslist 91 Hockey team’s advantage 92 Smallish marsupial 93 Prize 96 Elk’s weapon 98 “The Prisoner” author 100 “A Free Man of Color” playwright 102 Veep Agnew 103 Part of a business sched. 105 Count ___ (Lemony Snicket villain) 106 Snakelike 108 Palliative plant 109 Org. in “Burn After Reading” 110 Round body 111 Opposite of ppp, on scores 112 Hirohito’s title: Abbr.













23 27















22 26









52 61












69 73










79 84




100 104


72 76





















28 30















103 108












Ten famous people are attending a costume party in this crossword. After the grid is filled, change the two shaded letters in each theme answer to “unmask” a celebrity.


































12 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

V. 22 | NO. 59

Protecting Properties

Historic Augusta’s Endangered Properties List hopes to preserve Augusta’s historic structures

Historic Augusta’s announcement of its 2012 Endangered Properties list took place at the Depot Building on Reynolds Street, a property that was included on the 2007 list and, now, thanks to the city, has a new roof and a new lease on life. If people did not immediately understand the importance of the roof, Tuesday’s heavy rain made it clear. Many of the properties on the list aren’t fortunate enough to be protected from the elements, most obviously the Goodale house, which is missing most of its western wall. “We had talked about listing it for a number of years, but we never had because somebody had always just bought it and the plans seemed to be coming along,” said Erick Montgomery, executive director of Historic Augusta. Then, on August 5, the house’s wall collapsed and the former plantation house on Sand Bar Ferry Road, which was built in 1799, jumped to the front of the line. “They’re not in any order, but obviously with this one — with its age and its significance and the condition it’s in now…” Montgomery let his voice trail off. “I guess you can say it’s the first among equals.” The yearly Endangered Properties list is Historic Augusta’s way of making V. 22 | NO. 59

sure the community doesn’t forget the decaying historical assets that surround it. And while some of the properties are obviously in need of significant repairs, others’ needs are more subtle. Last year’s press conference was held in the old library building on Greene Street, a surprise pick given the fact that it was built in after the turn of the century and was occupied and functioning only a few months before. Others listed were the Pontiac Master Auto Service Building on Telfair and private family cemeteries. This year’s list had more conventional picks, yet it remained true to the preservationist idea behind it. “We try to do things that are representative,” Montgomery said. “It could be something that’s imminently in danger and threatened like Goodale or it could be something that represents an important or pervasive preservation issue.” The Dr. S.S. Johnson House on Twiggs Street was built in the 1920s and was home to a prominent AfricanAmerican pharmacist. Currently owned by the Augusta Georgia Land Bank Authority, Montgomery points out that even with that protection, the house is still sitting vacant. Its porch is deteriorating and the steeply pitched roof of the Craftsman-style house has

been overgrown with vines. In spite of its deterioration, however, it’s not an immediately obvious choice because it’s different than most of the homes surrounding it. “Although that is not particularly representative of most of the houses in that neighborhood — it’s much larger and much more expensive — it’s still iconic in the sense of the neighborhood,” Montgomery said. “If you can save that one, maybe there will be some residual activities surrounding it that will serve as a catalyst.” Other properties on the list include South Augusta’s Coleridge, a massive winter residence built in the 1920s by a wealthy couple from Chicago, the Luvenia Pearson House on LaneyWalker and the Reid Range Building on the 500 block of Broad Street next to Luigi’s. In the end, Montgomery said this year’s list offers a wide range of Augusta’s history. “Everything represents a different aspect of our history — mercantile, plantation home, working class, Northern social resident, plantation builder — and these buildings are the embodiment of the stories you would have to tell to remind us of that part of our history.”

METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 13

Michael Johnson

Jessye Norman and School of the Arts students Sydney Toole and Khadijah Philpot with Ellis Johnson at the Branford Marsalis and Joey Calderazzo concert at the Imperial Theatre.


Carolyn Dolen, Branford Marsalis and Joey Calderazzo with Jessye Norman School of the Arts Director Michael Ray at the concert at the Imperial Theatre.

Millicent Mazyck with Dr. Frank and Doris Roberson at the Branford Marsalis and Joey Calderazzo concert at the Imperial Theatre.


Barbara Smith, Lulianna Wren and Lisa Marks with Artist Row’s Community Sculpture ARTie at the Old Richmond Academy.

Julie Carwell, Molly McDowell and Dr. James Carswell at the Ancora Imparo: ASU Faculty Art Show Opening Reception at the Old Richmond Academy.

Mike Swimm, Crystal Junod, Mike Cameron and Maleeha Ahmad at the Ancora Imparo: ASU Faculty Art Show Opening Reception at the Old Richmond Academy.


David Sherman, Sarah Hardin, Matthew Acosta and Luke Wilby at the Social with Art Bar on the Parade Grounds at the Old Richmond Academy.

14 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

Martha Balk, Paige Usry and Sharon Bolgla at the premiere of “The Steering Committee” at the Headquarters Branch Library.

Janet and Will McKnight with Indee Few and Trey Few at the screening of “To Kill a Mockingbird” at the Headquarters Branch Library.

V. 22 | NO. 59


Courtney Cripps, Tina Anand, Kristen Cripps at the screening of “To Kill a Mockingbird” at the Headquarters Branch Library.

Vince Murray, author-filmmaker Mary McDonagh Murphy, Millie Klosinski and Tricia Hughes at the screening of “Hey Boo: Harper Lee and To Kill a Mockingbird” at the Headquarters Branch Library.

Gwen Urbanik, author Dr. Gerald Wood and Roberta Rivers at the screening of “To Kill a Mockingbird” at the Headquarters Branch Library.


Carol and Fred Palmer with Rosie Kay at Sharon Jones at the Dap Kings on the Parade Grounds at Old Richmond Academy.

Anna Harris with Sharon Jones and Sam Harris at the Parade Grounds at Old Richmond Academy.



Jason Saal with Uncle Kracker and Brandy Saal at The Country Club.

Bill and Robin Brafield with Brad and Juli Means at the Music of John Williams Spectacular at the Bell Auditorium.


V. 22 | NO. 59

Wendell and Stephanie Johnston with Robin and Bill Barfield at Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings on the Parade Grounds at Old Richmond Academy.

Michael Johnson

Kim Lanier with Star Wars’ Chewbacca and Ashley Ford at the Music of John Williams Spectacular at the Bell Auditorium.



16 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

V. 22 | NO. 59

More Than a Concert

The Kicks 99 Guitar Pull pulls in top-tier country acts. But that’s not the only reason it’s such an important yearly event. Though Augusta obviously loves its annual Guitar Pull, it might not realize just what a special thing it’s got. “Typically, radio stations set up their biggest events as events they can sell to clients and make money on,” says Royce Risser, senior vice president of promotions for Universal Nashville. “Sometimes they’re free shows and sometimes they break even, but this one is something that’s absolutely a complete charity event, but it’s also one of the best guitar pulls in the country. There are only a couple that have the reputation that this one has.” And Risser knows his stuff. Last year, he brought Vince Gill and Easton Corbin, and this year he’s bringing Gary Allan and Scotty McCreery. That’s how the Kicks 99 Guitar Pull works. The record labels send their recording artists to the concert, which means the artists volunteer their time, and the money — the largest single donation the local United Way gets every year — goes to help area children in need. “I have my dream list,” says Program Director Tee Gentry. “I try to get one or two big headliners and then we work our way down from there.” This year’s Guitar Pull is November 15 and the lineup features Martina McBride, Corey Smith, Little Big Town, Scotty McCreery, Gary Allan and Jerrod Niemann. “They ask for the top-level talent and they hold out for the top-level talent… and they usually get it,” Risser says. Though every station can ask for that talent, not every station will receive it. According to General Manager Kent Dunn, one of the major reasons why Kicks 99 can put on such a great guitar pull is the fact that its one of only 135 reporting stations in the country. Reporting stations submit their playlists, and those playlists determine the success of a given song. “It’s very significant,” he says. “If Kicks adds a song to the playlist, it immediately gets attention from the non-reporting stations, and a lot of those stations will add the song based on the fact that Kicks added the song. So, as you can imagine, that gives us some muscle with the record companies.” You scratch my back, I’ll help your record go to No. 1. The relationship goes beyond mutual self-interest, however. “Kicks 99 supports the artists and their music, so when the artists get there, the V. 22 | NO. 59

Charles Kelley of Lady Antebellum enjoying a doughnut in the Kicks 99 studio last year. audience knows who the artists are and knows the songs they’re playing,” says Kevin Herring, president of Skyville Records. “Kicks 99 jumps in with both feet and supports the artists and their music and continues to support the artists and their music beyond the guitar pull.” When Kicks brings an artist to town, that’s not the last you hear of that artist, and the record labels appreciate that. “In the new model of the record company, you’re looking to get your band in front of eyeballs,” Herring says. “You need people to see the act, react, buy the music and tell their friends about it, especially in this social network world.” If he can get 50 people somewhere to go nuts for an act and they tell just two friends — in this hyper-connected world, that spark of interest quickly ignites an inferno of exposure. “If I’m going to come to Augusta with one of my artists, I know Tee Gentry is going to support that artist,” Herring continues. “So for my investment — whatever it costs to bring that artist and a guitar and maybe a player to play in the Guitar Pull — it’s relatively inexpensive to come down there and play.”

So, Augusta has influence and Augusta has follow through. But it also knows how to treat the talent once it gets here. “When you do a show like this and bring in artists from Nashville — if you want it to continue to grow, you’ve got to spend a lot of money on sound and lights,” Gentry says. “It’s got to be first

class all the way.” If it was just a traditional concert, that would be one thing — any top-tier artist should be able to do his thing wherever he is — but a guitar pull is more than a concert. Picture six artists sitting together on stage. They’ve all got guitars and maybe a backup player. One will play,

“I’ve watched their kids grow up. They were in high school when they started and now they’re in college. You get to know them all by name and get to kind of know what’s going on in their lives, too.” Kicks 99’s WB on the Guitar Pull ticket stops year after year. (Sorry WB, you knew this picture was going to show up at some point.) METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 17

then the next. Then the next. “It’s got a get-to-know-the-artist feel to it, which is part of why these artists like doing it,” Dunn says. “It’s not a full-fledged concert on their behalf — it’s kind of like they’re participating in a joint concert — so they interact with the other artists and tell stories about maybe how they wrote a song or got started.” The stories are part of the tradition. “The year Lady Antebellum and Luke Bryan did our guitar pull they finished writing “Do I,” which was Luke’s first No. 1 song,” Gentry says. “They finished writing it at guitar pull and performed it for the first time at guitar pull.” The first guitar pull — called the Million Pennies for Kids Guitar Pull — was held at Sacred Heart Cultural Center in front of 500 people. Since then it’s consistently grown, moving to the 800-seat Imperial Theatre, the 2,600seat Bell Auditorium and, after a couple of years at the Aiken Convocation Center, to the much larger James Brown Arena. To preserve that intimate feel, they’ve

Martina McBride “This past year, they actually started camping out on Wednesday and tickets didn’t go on sale until Saturday morning,” Dunn says. “And we announced on that Thursday morning, so people had started camping out before we even told them who was coming.” It’s gotten to the point now where a lot of people want to go to the event even though they might not listen to country music every day of the week,

“It’s more relaxed backstage than your bigger concerts are. They all just kind of hang out backstage. I remember The Band Perry made a point to walk up to us to introduce themselves, and that never happens.” Augusta Entertainment Complex Marketing Director Katie Wells on what it’s like backstage decided to black out most of the top seats at the arena. That intimacy makes the choice of artists particularly important. “That’s probably the biggest issue that artists have with doing events like this,” Risser says. “They want that chemistry on stage. They want to know that they respect the person they’re playing with.” That chemistry, Risser says, was particularly evident last year when Vince Gill and Darius Rucker started playing off of each other, and the intimacy and unscripted nature of the event has given audience members more than a few special moments, like the guitar pull after 9/11, when Gentry asked the performers if they could do something patriotic for the grand finale. “Brad Paisley started pickin’ America the Beautiful or something like that and I was backstage and told the guy to lower the flag,” Gentry says. “So the flag is coming down real slow and Chris Cagle gets up and starts reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. The crowd came to its feet and I don’t know if there was a dry eye in the house.” As the talent and attendance has grown, so too, obviously, has the community interest and excitement. While the 500 seats at Sacred Heart took three weeks to sell out 13 years ago, now people actually camp out for the chance to buy tickets.

18 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

Dunn says. Because of the intimacy, they feel they’re involved and part of the event. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that the station gives away tickets on air and at a constantly rotating number of Guitar

Pull Ticket Stops — live remotes — at businesses throughout the area. Some of the ticket stops, which take on a festival atmosphere, can draw up to 400 people looking for a chance to win tickets. If they don’t win, many simply move on to the next one. “Obviously, it’s a great promotional event for us,” Dunn says. Like all effective marketing, nothing about the Kicks 99 Guitar Pull happens by accident. The guitar pull season — the frenzied campout, announcement and ticket sales, the on-air ticket giveaways and the ticket stops — all occur during the fall ratings period, which is radio’s equivalent of TV’s sweeps. “It directly contributes to the amount of advertising we can sell,” Dunn says. “It directly contributes to the fact that we’re a reporting station. It’s very important to us.”

So, what on the surface seems like nothing more than a really cool live performance is actually an almost perfect relationship of shared purpose: Act A signs on for the guitar pull, receives a lot of promotional airplay leading up to the event, builds goodwill and a following from its appearance, then gets continued airplay afterward because it made such an impact, which is all reported to the industry, thereby increasing airplay all across the nation, causing the band to sell more records. Because of the buzz generated by the concert and the ticket giveaways, the station gains listeners during a key time of the year, which translates into more revenue and an increased stature. In 2007 Kicks won a Country Music Award for County Music Station of the Year, in large part, Dunn says, because of the guitar pull. “This year we’re nominated again, and I think guitar pull is real instrumental in that,” Gentry says. “It brings us to the forefront and everybody’s heard of us.”

For the first time, Metro Spirit is offering readers the chance to be a roadie for the day. One winner will be drawn every Wednesday through November 2 to win two tickets to the guitar pull and a chance at being a roadie for the day. The winner will be announced Thursday, November 3. Enter at

Jerrod Niemann V. 22 | NO. 59




More Than Beer If you see the word Oktoberfest and automatically think of beer and… well, more beer, then you’ve obviously never been to Fort Gordon’s annual four-day festival, this Thursday through Sunday at Barton Field. Sure, the taps will be flowing with delicious golden goodness, and, yes, there will be folk dancers and music from folks like the Gootman Sauerkraut Band, but there’s a whole lot more going on, too. Families can ride rides until everyone is dizzy. Parents can shop at Saturday morning’s flea market from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. (much to the horror of the kids who want to ride more rides), and there will also be a kids corner and a Boss car and bike show Saturday afternoon. So don’t worry; there’s so much to do that the family won’t notice if you slip away for one more pint.

The public is invited to Fort Gordon’s Oktoberfest Barton Field | Thursday, October 13, 4-10 p.m. | $10 for ride armbands Friday, October 14, 4-11 p.m. | $10 for those under 48” | $20 for those over Saturday, October 15, 10 a.m.-midnight | $10 for those under 48”| $20 for those over Sunday, October 16, noon-6 p.m. | $10 | 706-791-6779


METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 19

ENTERTAINMENT Branch. Call 706-736-6244 or visit Author Elaine Pierson reads from her book “Summer Curse” on Saturday, October 15, from 1:30-3:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit “The Lincoln Lawyer” by Michael Connelly will be the subject of a book discussion Monday, October 17, at 6:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-863-1946 or visit USC-Aiken presents a special reception for the book “Queen of the Lost” on Tuesday, October 18, at 3:30 p.m. in the Pickens-Salley House on campus. The book has ties to the location of the reception. Call 803-6413448 or visit London Calls: “The Call of the Wild” Book Discussion will be held on Tuesday, October 18, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-642-2020 or visit Sure, the Boshears Skyfest goes on all day Saturday and Sunday, October 14-15, at Daniel Field, but why not get up a little bit earlier and participate in the Fifth Annual Boshears Memorial Ground Loop, a road race benefiting the Boys and Girls Club of the CSRA. Offering a 10K, a 5K and a Kids Fun Run, the races start at 8 a.m. at Daniel Field and wind through the Forest Hills and Summerville neighborhoods. Registration is $15 in advance or $20 race day for the 5K; $20 pre-race or $25 race day for the 10K; and $10 for the kids fun run. To register, visit


Quilters on the River Quilters’ Show will be held on Friday, October 14, from 10 a.m.-7 p.m. and Saturday, October 15, from 9 a.m.-4 p.m. at Riverview Park Activity Center. $5. Call 706-504-3239. Art at Lunch: Saving Georgia’s Historic Architecture will be held on Friday, October 14, at noon at the Morris Museum of Art. Mark C. McDonald, president and CEO of the Georgia Trust for Historic Preservation, will discuss statewide efforts to save historic architectural treasures. Members, $10; nonmembers, $14. Lunch by French Market Grille. Call 706-724-7501 or visit Diamond in the Rough Artistic Showcase returns on Saturday, October 15, at 3 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit Sunday Sketch will be held on Sunday, October 16, from 2-3:30 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Sketch in the galleries, with materials supplied by the museum. Check-in in the activity room. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit Arts Classes offered at the

20 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

Kroc Center include Intro to Drumming (ages 16 and up) on Mondays at 6:30 p.m.; Pottery and Ceramics (ages 16 and up) on Mondays at 6:45 p.m.; West African Dance (ages 14 and up) on Tuesdays at 6:30 p.m.; Acting for Adults (ages 16 and up) on Wednesdays at 6:30 p.m.; and Intro to Drawing and Painting (ages 16 and up) on Thursdays at 6 p.m. Call 706-364-5762 or visit


Between: In the Time, Space or Interval That Separates, a photography exhibition by Abigail Wood Zwanziger, shows through October 31 at Sky City. Visit


The Augusta Canal Moonlight Music Cruise presents Fred Williams on Friday, October 14, at 6:30 p.m. Reservations required. $25. Call 706-8230440, ext. 4, or visit Southern Soul & Song presents Pam Tillis on Friday, October 14, at 7:30 p.m. at the Imperial Theatre. $13-$37. Call 706-722-8341 or visit Kings of New York Tour stops in Augusta on Friday, October 14, at 8 p.m. at the Bell Auditorium.

Featuring Slick Rick, Doug E. Fresh, Melle Mel, Chubb Rock and Big Daddy Kane. $37-$61.50. Visit The Second Annual Grovetown Warriors Invitational Band Competition will be held Saturday, October 15, at Grovetown High School from noon-10 p.m. $5. Visit Music at the Morris presents Carey Murdock on Sunday, October 16, at 2 p.m. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit Trinity on the Hill United Methodist Church will present Keith Shafer on Sunday, October 16, at 3 p.m. The concert is to celebrate the arrival of the church’s new organ. Free. Call 706738-8822 or visit The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706364-4069 or visit


Friends of the Library Book Sale will be held on Saturday, October 15, from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Appleby

“Little Bee” by Chris Cleave Book Discussion will be held on Thursday, October 20, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706863-1946 or visit “Walking Across Egypt” by Clyde Edgerton Book Discussion will be held on Thursday, October 20, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706556-9795 or visit Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults, and seniors. Visit


“Zombie Apocalypse Survival Camp,” a production of Le Chat Noir, shows October 13-15, 18-22 and 25-29. Bar opens at 7 p.m. Show starts at 8 p.m. $8 in advance; $10 at the door. Call 706722-3322 or visit “Purlie Victorious” shows at the USC-Aiken Etherredge Center October 13-15 at 7:30 p.m. and October 16 at 2 p.m. Call 803-641-3305 or visit “The Crucible,” a production of Aiken Community Playhouse, shows October 14, 15, 21 and 22 at 8 p.m. and October 16 and 22 at 3 p.m. $10-$12. Visit V. 22 | NO. 59

“Young Frankenstein,” a Broadway in Augusta productions, shows Monday, October 17, at 7:30 p.m. at the Bell Auditorium. $40-$50. Visit


“The Call of the Wild” shows at the Aiken Library on Saturday, October 15, at 3 p.m. Call 803-642-2020 or visit The ASU Film Series presents “Tamara Drewe,” rated R, on Monday, October 17, at 7 p.m. in Room UH170 of University Hall on campus. $2; Free for students and faculty. Visit

Special Events

Goodwill’s Hispanic Diversity Career Expo will be held on Thursday, October 13, from 1-4 p.m. at the Goodwill Job Connection on Peach Orchard Road. Call 706-447-5195 or visit Fort Gordon’s Oktoberfest will be held from Thursday, October 13, to Sunday, October 16, at Barton Field. The carnival opens on Friday, with the popular flea market opening Saturday morning. Visit The Georgia-Carolina State Fair will be held from Friday, October 14, to Sunday, October 23, at the Augusta Exchange Club Fairgrounds. Admission $6; $18 for unlimited rides. Visit Murder Mystery Weekend at Mistletoe State Park will begin Friday, October 14, at 6 p.m. $49 includes three meals but does not include overnight accommodations. Visit mistletoe. Wines of the Pacific Northwest Seminar Tasting with Judah Cannon will be held on Friday, October 14, at 7 p.m. at Wine World in North Augusta. Ten different wines will be sampled. $15-$20. Reservations recommended. Call 803-279-9522 or visit Hephzibah Elementary Fall Festival and Flea Market will be held on Saturday, October 15 from 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Vendors, food, and games will all be on hand. Visit 19th Annual Boshear’s Skyfest will be held on Saturday, October 15, and Sunday, October 16, at Daniel Field. Gates open at 9 a.m. Advance tickets, $15; $18 at gate. Kids 12 and under in free. Visit

Colonial Times: A Time to Remember will be held on Saturday, October 15, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday, October 16, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at the Living History Park in North Augusta. Free. Visit St. Augustine’s Oktoberfest will be held on Saturday, October 15, from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. German food, craft beer and vendors will all be on hand. Call 706-738-6676 or visit Bats and Brews Beerfest will be held on Saturday, October 15, from 6:30-10 p.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium. Advance, $20; $25 at gate. Admission includes 12 free drink samples. Must be 21 and older to attend. Call 706-736-7889 or visit

• • • •

Booing Poem We’ve Been Booed Sign Personlized Buckets Halloween Treats Galore!


706.364.1795 4158 Washington Rd. Evans, GA Across from Club Car and Next to Peach Mac

Harriburg-Frog Hollow Reunion is Saturday, October 15, at 6:30 p.m. at American Legion Post 63 on Milledge Road. The event, $10 per person with tickets sold at the door, includes live music from Highway 104, door prizes, a dance contest, a cash bar, raffles, refreshments and more. Call 706729-9826 or 706-733-7612. Pottery Trunk Show will be held on Sunday, October 16, at the Morris Museum of Art. Shop for dinnerware, bowls and serving platters by Rebecca Wood, an Athens resident who is one of the most respected ceramic makers in the world. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit Aiken Horsepower Fifth Annual Flavors of Fall Cruise-In will be held on Sunday, October 16, from 2-5 p.m. on Laurens Street in Downtown Aiken. Call 803-270-3505 or visit

Augusta Public Library Headquarters 823 Telfair Street | 706.821.2600

16-22g. r e b o t c on ts | O n l week l l e a v r E e t s k po ad Wee N READ Teen Ryeour favorite TEE r Vote fo

Design a Poster

Design a self-styled poster to be displayed at your library.

Poster workshops sat. oct 8th: 9-12noon mon. oct 17th: 3-5pm tues. oct 18th: 3-5pm wed. oct 19th: 3-5pm

McDuffie Woods Old School Family and Friends Night will be held on Wednesday, October 19, at 7 p.m. at the McDuffie Woods Community Center. Theme for the evening is the celebrating the men of hip hop. $1-$3. Call 706-7712656 or visit Wine World in North Augusta presents an In-Shop Tasting on Thursday, October 20, from 5-8 p.m. $5. Reservations not required. Call 803-2799522 or visit Taste of Wine and Cheese will be held on Thursday, October 20, from 7-10 p.m. at Aiken Center for the Arts. This event features unique food offerings from the top caterers and restaurants in Aiken. Call 803-641-9094 or visit Augusta Riverhawks host the

V. 22 | NO. 59

f in d unique totes, a You’ll fe w tric ks an d ver y co ol treats f at o lots o ur spo ok-tacular...


Picture It Scavenger Hunt

Posters receiving the most votes will win a prize! Call 706.821.2615 for more details!

5:30-7:30pm Friday, October 21st Identify different locations in the library for a chance to win prizes! Team Welcome!




Learn basic Manga Drawing skills! Saturday October 22 from 2:00-4:00 with Xavier Jones Registration Required! METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 21

Mississippi Surge on Thursday, October 20, at 7:30 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $10-$18. Visit Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706922-9463 or visit


Learn Car Seat Safety Class is on Thursday, October 13, at 5:45 p.m. at the MCGHealth Building. Free. Preregistration recommended. $10 booster and car seats available to those who meet financial need. Call 706-721-7606 or visit Surgical Weight Loss Information Seminar will be held on Thursday, October 13, at 6 p.m. on the sixth floor in Classrooms A and B of the Aiken Regional Medical Center. A light dinner will be provided. Pre-registration required. Call 803-641-5751 or visit The Weight is Over: Weight Loss Surgery Seminar will be held on Thursday, October 13, at 6 p.m. in Classroom 1 of the South Tower of Doctor’s Hospital. Call 706-651-4343 or visit Babies, Bumps and Bruises Class will be held on Thursday, October 13, at 7 p.m. Pre-registration recommended. Call 706-651-2229 or visit MCGHealth will host a Weight Loss Seminar on Thursday, October 13, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit Baby Care Basics and Breastfeeding will be held on Friday, October 14, from 9 a.m.-noon, at Trinity Hospital. Parents will learn about diapering, bathing, feeding and cord care. Registration required. Call 706-4817727 or visit Weekend Childbirth Education Classes will be held Friday, October 14, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. and Saturday, October 15, from 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m. on the third floor of the University Hospital Education Center. Registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit AngioScreen will be given on Monday, October 17, from 8 a.m.-4:30 p.m. in the Mobile Coach at 635 Ronald Reagan Drive. This is a simple, noninvasive vascular screening designed

22 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

Celiac Disease Support Group will meet Tuesday, October 18, at 7 p.m. in Room 120 of the Summerville Professional Building. Call 706-738-8253 or visit

to provide information about heart rhythm, neck and leg arteries, blood pressure, and body mass index. $75. Preregistration required. Call 706-651-4343.

Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit

What you need to know about Breast Cancer will be held on Tuesday, October 18, at noon in the University Hospital Cafeteria Dining Rooms 4-6. Lunch will be served. Free. Registration required. Call 706-722-9011 or visit


The ALS Support Group will meet on Thursday, October 13, at 11 a.m. in Room BP4306 on the fourth floor of MCGHealth Medical Office Building. Lunch provided. Free. Call 706-721-2681 or visit

Prostate Cancer Support Group will meet Tuesday, October 18, at 7 p.m. in Room 612 of Building 600 on the Augusta Technical College Campus. Reservations required. Call 706-868-8758.

Total Joint Replacement Class will be held on Tuesday, October 18, at 1 p.m. in the Levi Hill III Auditorium at University Hospital. Call 706-774-2760 or visit

Look Good, Feel Better will meet on Thursday, October 13, at 5 p.m. at the American Cancer Society on Commons Blvd. A free workshop dedicated to helping female cancer patients cope with and combat the appearancerelated side effects of chemotherapy and radiation treatment. Pre-registration required. Call 706-731-9900.

Spine Education and Support Group will meet Wednesday, October 19, at 9:30 a.m. in the Levi Hill III Auditorium at University Hospital. Open to patients preparing for spine surgery. Call 706-774-2760 or visit

Showing and Glowing is a two-session class that will be held on Tuesday, October 18, from 7-9:30 p.m. in Suite 310 of Medical Office Building One on the Doctors Hospital campus. Registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit October Breast Cancer Awareness Lunch and Learn will be held on Wednesday, October 19, from 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. in Room 2112 on the second Floor of the GHS Cancer Center. Lunch will be provided. Reservations required. Call 706-721-4109 or visit How to Avoid Strokes Seminar will be held on Thursday, October 20, from 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. in the h2u Activities Room of Medical Office Building 3 on the Doctors Hospital campus. Registration required. Call 706651-6716 or visit Baby 101 will be held on Thursday, October 20, from 7-9 p.m. in Suite 310 of Medical Office Building One on the Doctors Hospital campus. Registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit Breastfeeding Class will be held on Thursday, October 20, from 7-9 p.m. at Babies R Us on Washington Road. Registration required. Call 706774-2825 or visit Breast Self-Exam Classes will be held every Tuesday through the end of the month at 5 p.m. at the University Breast Health Center. Registration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit Free HIV/AIDS Testing will be given all month long in various locations in the CSRA. Contact 706-7214463 or visit for a list of locations and dates. Infant CPR Anytime Learning

Breast Cancer Support Group will meet on Thursday, October 13, at 5:30 p.m. in the Community Room on the First floor of MCGHealth Cancer Center. Call 706-721-4109 or visit Cancer Survivor Support Group will meet on Thursday, October 13, at 6 p.m. on the second Floor of Augusta Oncology Associates. Call 706651-2283. LaLeche League will meet Friday, October 14, at 10 a.m. Call 706737-2405 for location. Look Good-Feel Better will meet Monday, October 17, at 1 p.m. at the Cancer Care Institute of Carolina. Look Good-Feel Better is a free, national, public service program designed to help female cancer patients learn how to cope with the appearance-related side effects of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Reservations required. Call 803-641-6044. Essential Tremors Support Group will meet Monday, October 17, at 2 p.m. at St Paul’s Lutheran Church in Aiken. Call 803-226-0338. Burn Support Group will meet Tuesday, October 18, at 10:30 a.m. in the Lori Rogers Library on the second Floor of the JMS Burn Center. Call 706-651-6660. Oral, Head and Neck Cancers Support Group will meet Tuesday, October 18, at 6 p.m. in the GHS Cancer Center. Call 706-721-0550 or visit Alzheimer’s Support Group will meet Tuesday, October 18, at 6:30 p.m. at Brandon Wilde. Call 706-731-9060.

Blood Cancer/Stem Cell Support Group will meet Wednesday, October 19, at 11:30 a.m. in the GHS Cancer Center. Call 706-721-9134 or visit Trauma Support Group will meet Wednesday, October 19, at noon in Room 4069 on 4 West of the GHS Medical Center. Call 706-721-0278 or visit Cancer Support Group will meet Wednesday, October 19, at 3 p.m. in the First Baptist of Aiken parlor. Call 803-641-5389. Alzheimer’s Support Group (North Augusta) will meet Wednesday, October 19, at 6 p.m. in Room O-122 of First Baptist of North Augusta. Call 803-278-5611. Alzheimer’s Support Group (Westwood) will meet Thursday, October 20, at 3 p.m. at Westwood Nursing Facility. Call 706-863-7514. Weight Loss Support Group will meet Thursday, October 20, at 7 p.m. in the Sister Mary Louise Conference Room of Trinity Hospital. Call 706-4817298 or visit Skip to My Lupus will meet on Thursday, October 20, at 7 p.m. in Dining Room A of Aiken Regional. Call 803-251-9413 or visit


South Carolina Bar Legal Program: Family Law Issues will be held on Thursday, October 13, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken Library. This program will focus on divorce, separation, custody and visitation. Visit 26th Annual S.E.E.D Day will V. 22 | NO. 59

be held on Saturday, October 15, from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. at USC-Aiken. During Science Education Enrichment Day visit the Ruth Patrick Science Center and other sites on campus. Free. Visit Kingdom Financial Services will host a Financial Planning Seminar on Saturday, October 15, from 10:30 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Free. Reservations recommended. Call 706-945-1712 or visit Adult Workshop: Writing the Past will be held on Saturday, October 15, from 1-4:30 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Cultural historian Vennie Deas Moore will share writing tips and techniques that will bring personal memoirs, family narratives or historical fiction to life. Members, $25; nonmembers, $35 per participant. Call 706-724-7501 or visit

Wednesday night at 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 803-279-3363 or visit Saturday Historic Trolley Tour, every Saturday, begins at the Museum of History and tours historic downtown Augusta from 1-3:15 p.m. Reservations required. All seats are $12. 706-724-4067.


STAR Riding Center’s Annual Oyster Roast and BBQ will be held on Friday, October 14, from 6-9 p.m. at the Black Forest Equestrian Center in Aiken. $15-$35. Call 803-270-2575. Miracle Mile 3-Mile Breast Cancer Walk will be held on Saturday, October 15, beginning at 8 a.m. at the Augusta Common. Visit

Beyond the Gravestone will be held on Saturday, October 15, from 4:305:30 p.m. at the Beech Island Cemetery. Tour the historic cemetery and learn about the symbols on the gravestones. $6. Limited to 35 people per tour. Visit

Wags to Wishes Surfin’ Safari Auction Night will be held on Saturday, October 15, from 7-10 p.m. at Taylor BMW. Live music, heavy hors d’oeuvres, cash bar and both live and silent auctions will be held during the evening. $20-$30. Visit

English as a Second Language Class will be held on Wednesday, October 19, from 6-9 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706826-2600 or visit

Eamespirational Charity Auction will be held on Thursday, October 20. Auction preview and heavy hors d’oeuvres will begin at 6:30 p.m. with the auction beginning at 8:15 p.m. $50. Call 706-821-2612 for location.

The Aiken Historic Tour will take place every Saturday at 10 a.m. and will begin at the Aiken Visitors Center. This two-hour guided tour will take participants through Aiken’s history on a climate-controlled trolley. Reservations recommended. Call 803-642-7631 or visit Work Networking Group meets each Monday morning from 8:30-10 a.m. at Grace United Methodist Church in North Augusta. Facilitated by career and business professionals, those interested in attended need not make advanced reservations. Call Beverly at 803-279-7525 or email one of the facilitators: doctor@pritchardgroup. com (Dr. Constance Pritchard) or (Andy Maxwell). GED Classes are held every Monday and Tuesday night at 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. No pre-registration is required, but participants must have a valid PINES library card. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ESL Classes are held every V. 22 | NO. 59

Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit


Monster Dash 5K will be held on Saturday, October 15, beginning at 7 a.m. at Blanchard Woods Park. $15. Age groups from 10-70+. Call 706-863-7523. The Boys and Girls Club Fifth Annual Boshears Memorial Ground Loop will be held on Saturday, October 15, beginning at 8 a.m. There will be a 5K, 10K and Kids Fun Run. All Runs begin at the Daniel Field airstrip. $10$25. Visit Gordon Lakes Club Championship Tournament will be held on Saturday, October 15, from 8 a.m.noon at Gordon Lakes Club. $45-$65. Call 706-791-2433.



HOT POT. Monday -Thursday nights One pound of shrimp (fried, grilled or boiled) $9.99

Tuesday night

Crab Legs served with redskin potatoes and mixed green salad $7.99 a pound

Wednesday night

Bone in fried catfish over blue cheese grits and salad $6.99 *dine in only



French Market Grille West

375 Fury’s Ferry Rd. next to Earth Fare · 706.855.5111 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 23

Rivers Alive/River Cleanup will be held on Saturday, October 15, beginning at 9 a.m. along the Savannah River. Lunch will be provided to all volunteers. Visit Battle of the Best Captains Choice-Mixed Doubles Disc Golf Tournament is Sunday, October 16, at 3 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $10 per team. Call 706-8147514 or visit Sunday Polo by the Aiken Polo Club will be held every Sunday through November 13 at 3 p.m. at the Whitney Polo Field. $5 per person; $20 to access the Social Tent. Call 803-643-3611. The Augusta Diving Club is currently training any high school students who want to dive for their high school’s swimming and diving team. No experience is necessary. The season starts in mid-October and runs through midFebruary for those qualifying for State. All practices are at the Augusta Aquatics Center. Call Coach Jim Tingen 706-7266805 or email Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a firstcome first-served basis. The ride, which begins at two, is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706791-4864 or visit Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first come, first served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-7914864 or visit Augusta Rugby Football Club

meets every Wednesday from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Larry Bray Memorial Pitch, 100 Wood Street. New players are welcome. Email Group Run begins each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. at Nacho Mama’s. Three- and four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-2158181 or visit Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit


Pirate and Princess Tea Party and Story Hour will be held on Thursday, October 13, at 3:30 p.m. at the Woodworth Library on Fort Gordon. Listen to a story and then dress up for a tea party. Open to children all ages; preregistration required. Call 706-791-2449 or visit Wagging Tails presented by the North Augusta Library will be held on Friday, October 14, from 4-5 p.m. Celebrate dogs with stories, crafts, and songs. Open to all ages. Call 803-2795767 or visit

Teen Night is Friday, October 14, from 6-10 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit Kackleberry Farms presents WAFJ 88.3 on Saturday, October 15 during normal operational hours. Live music all day. Visit DuPont Planetarium presents Two Small Pieces of Glass and Digistar Virtual Journey on Saturday, October 15, from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. The two presentations will alternate showings every 30 minutes. $1-$5.50. Reservations recommended. Call 803-641-3654 or visit Maurice McBride reads from his book “Oliver Vance: Pull Up Your Pants” on Saturday, October 15, from 1:30-3:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit The Augusta Library presents the movie “Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer” on Saturday, October 15, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit Design a Poster Workshops will be held Monday, October 17, through Wednesday, October 19, from 3-5 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Teens design a poster to be displayed and voted on. Call 706-8212600 or visit Picture It! will be held on Tuesday, October 18, from 4-5:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. For ages 12-18. Create a book cover from your favorite scene from a book. Free. Call 706-863-1946 or visit Halloween Stories and Crafts: Spider Pops will be held on Wednesday, October 19, from 3:45-5 p.m. at the Maxwell Library. Call 706-793-2020 or visit

Half-Day Camp is Thursday, October 20, from 12:30-5:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit Full-Day Pr-K Camp is Thursday and Friday, October 20-21, from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit Teen Open Mic Night: Ghost Stories will be held on Thursday, October 20, at 7 p.m. at the North Augusta Library. Winners presented from the Ninth Annual Teen Ghost Story Contest along with open mic for anyone who would like to read their own story. Refreshments will be provided. Call 803-279-5767 or visit The Corner Pumpkin Patch at Marvin UMC will be open through Halloween. Visit Craft Corner for Kids is every Wednesday from 9-10 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit Children’s Story Hours is every Friday from 9-10 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit Junior Fitness is every Saturday from 9-10 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit Mother’s Afternoon Out is every Thursday from 1-3 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit Arts Classes are offered weekly at the Kroc Center and include pottery (6-8 years) on Mondays at 5:15 p.m.; Kindermusik (2-4 years) on Tuesdays at 11 a.m.; Intro to Ballroom (6-8 years) on Thursdays at 4:30 p.m.; Kindermusik (5-8 years) on Saturdays at 11 a.m.; Intro to Drawing and Painting (9-12 years) on Saturdays at 11 a.m.; Hip Hop (9-13 years) on Saturdays at noon; and West African Music and Dance (612 years) on Saturdays at 2:30 p.m. Call 706-364-5762 or visit Steed’s Dairy in Grovetown, a working dairy farm that includes a corn maze, petting zoo, jumping pillow, tube slide, rubber duckie races, preschool pay area, hayrides, a pumpkin patch and more, is open through November 13. Hours are Friday, 5-10 p.m., Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays, 1-6 p.m. $9-$12. Call 706-855-2948 or visit

24 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

V. 22 | NO. 59

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Grand Opening Party October 19 celebration will highlight location’s brand-new features It has been almost two months since Gold’s Gym opened their fourth CSRA location, taking over the former Omni Health and Fitness on Walton Way Extension. On Wednesday, October 19, members and nonmembers alike will have the opportunity to see the many changes that have been made during a grand opening party. “As most people know by now, Gold’s Gym has bought out the Omni on Walton Way Extension and we’re going to have a grand opening celebration on Wednesday, October 19, from 3-9 p.m.,” said Gold’s Gym Marketing Director Allen Childs. “We’re going to have vendor booths, healthy food vendors, and the Metro Spirit’s going to be there giving away $500 in prizes. Beasley Broadcasting is going to be there, also giving away prizes.” The health club’s new smoothie bar will be up and running, offering specials on smoothies and supplements, Childs said, and party guests will be able to tour the facility to see the updates taking place. Throughout October and November, the location will add and update equipment, including 30 new spin bikes to replace

the 18 currently in use and six new recumbent bikes. Two new revolving stair climbers will arrive in December, and, in the meantime, 22 new treadmills will replace the 16 currently in use on the main workout floor. “The new treadmills will feature personal flat-screen TVs for additional entertainment,” Childs said. “Having operated this location for two months, these were the improvements members were looking for along with the new class schedule.” For those who aren’t yet members of the Gold’s Gym family, Childs said that the health club will also be offering specials during the party. “Actually, you’ll be able to join for rates as low as $10 per month,” he said, “and that gives you access to all four Gold’s Gym locations in the CSRA, free guest privileges, which means you can bring guests with you at no charge whenever you like, free daycare if you have small children, and two free personal training sessions from Premier Fitness Personal Training.” Whether or not guests join, he added, everyone is welcome. “We’re encouraging the pubic to come out and help us celebrate our fourth location in the CSRA,” Childs said.

A Pain or a Strain? How to tell the difference between soreness and injury We’ve all heard the saying “No pain, no gain,” but not all pain is created equal. Many motivated gym goers have been put out of commission because they couldn’t tell the difference between post-training soreness and a serious injury. “Many people don’t pay attention to their body, and as a result the pain can last the rest of their life,” says Evan Ekman, a South Carolina-based orthopedic surgeon and Gold’s Gym Fitness Institute member. He believes much of the problem stems from not being in tune to the location of the discomfort. “Part of an effective workout is making yourself sore, but that soreness should be in the muscle belly — the big bulky part of the muscle,” he says, whereas pain in the joints or tendons might be an indication of a problem. Here we look at six examples of gym pain gone too far and what to do about them. As always, consult your physician before starting an exercise regimen.

Hamstrings Your legs can easily tire after a hard workout, but how do you know when you’ve pushed your hamstrings too far? According to Ekman, you may be dealing with a more serious injury if you experience pain when pressure is put on the ischium bone in the pelvis, often felt when you sit down or if you have difficulty running. What to do: First, control inflammation by applying ice to the area and wrapping the leg. Then gently perform a hamstring stretch: Sit on the floor with legs spread. Keep your left knee straight as you reach toward the toes and hold for 30 seconds. Repeat on the right side. If you recognize the pain early, a hamstring injury might keep you out of the gym for a few weeks or less.

Snaps, Cracks and Pops Some body creaks we all seem to have (like the back cracks your eccentric uncle shows off at parties). Others may be your body’s way of sounding an alarm. Ekman says there are two ways to tell if it’s something to get worried about: if you experience pain when it makes that noise or if your body didn’t make that noise before you worked out and now it does. What to do: Because the noise could be anything, get to a doctor for a proper diagnosis.

Biceps It’s normal for the biceps to engorge with blood and, as a result, appear bigger during and immediately after a workout. But if the swelling lasts more than a few hours, you may have suffered a bicep strain or rupture of the tendon biceps. Another telltale sign of injury is discoloration or bruising. If you can’t tell for sure, don’t do


another rep until you get checked out. What to do: A rupture may require surgery — get to a doctor ASAP. If it’s just a strain, you’ll need some time off from the gym to rest the muscle, taking antiinflammatories in the meantime. The next step is light exercises that develop your range of motion. Begin with gentle stretching at the elbow, work your way up to bicep curls with band resistance, then finally light dumbbells.

Pectoral Muscles Bench press is a popular lift at the gym, but using too much weight or trying for a maximum one-rep lift before being properly warmed up can lead to pectoral tears. “Most of the time it’s easy to tell when you have a pec tear because the pain is intense,” Ekman says. But you can also tell by a deformity — often a divot on the side of the pec near the armpit — or extreme tenderness that doesn’t go away between workouts. What to do: Immediately see an orthopedic doctor — this could mean a long haul to recovery.

Rotator Cuff If you’re having trouble reaching during your workout, it may not be time to work through the pain; it may be a rotator cuff injury. Other signs are tenderness during a military press or when lifting weight away from your body. What to do: Avoid lifts that involve raising your hands above your head and shoulders, and work to strengthen the four muscles of the rotator cuff — the supraspinatus, the infraspinatus, teres minor and the subscapularis. Often this is done through external and internal rotation exercise. For the first, let your arm hang at your side with your elbow bent 90 degrees, then bring the hand across your body, as if you were shutting a door. For the latter, bring the hand in the opposite direction, away from the middle of your body.

Quadriceps Though it’s great to feel the burn on the squat machine, persistent aches — such as shooting pain, a slight burn or anything that limits daily movement or makes it painful to walk — may be a sign of a stress fracture to the femur, a rupture or even a contusion in the quads. Another warning sign of injury: deformity, or any change in shape and texture to the muscle so that one leg is noticeably different from the other. What to do: If it’s a strain, you may be out for four to six weeks while taking antiinflammatories, icing and performing basic stretching and strengthening exercises. If it’s a rupture, surgery is likely to be needed.

Pretty in Pink Breast cancer survivor attributes success to God and Gold’s Gym October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but it means more to one Gold’s Gym member than pink ribbons. Earlier this year, North Augusta’s Mary Richardson (pictured at right) was feeling great after having begun a diet and fitness routine that included regular trips to the North Augusta Gold’s Gym location. “Actually, a year ago in 2010, in August, was when I began being dedicated to going to the gym,” said the fifth grade math teacher at Hammond Hills Elementary School, now in her 29th year of teaching. “And I was making tremendous strides. I had lost 63 pounds.” It was then that she was diagnosed with breast cancer through a routine mammogram. “If my cancer had not been found through a mammogram, I would not have known I had it. I mean, I was at the top of my game. I felt better than I had felt in more than 20 years,” she said. “My cancer could not be felt, never could be felt. I would not have known if it had not been for the mammogram.” Richardson was fortunate that her cancer was detected early, something she gives God all the credit for. The cancer had not spread to her lymph nodes and, therefore, she had a choice between a lumpectomy, in which doctors remove the tumor, and a mastectomy, in which they remove the affected breast. Richardson chose a lumpectomy,

have a mammogram every year. Don’t let it pass. Don’t skip it,” she said. “I’m being somewhat public with my story because God is good and I think the word needs to be out there. You know, we take care of our kids: When they get sick we take them to the doctor, when they need shots, we get them their shots. But what about the caregiver? We’ve got to take care of ourselves.” Richardson welcomes emails at “And Gold’s Gym is having a Pretty in Pink Zumbathon on October 29 and I would love to invite everyone to come out for that,” she added.

which she had the Thursday before Good Friday. She was back at work the next Monday, something she attributes to the work she had done at Gold’s Gym. “I can’t imagine being 63 pounds heavier and going through my surgery,” she said. Richardson still has 20 pounds she’d like to lose and, now that doctors have given her the okay to resume her weight loss routine, she said that, like before her diagnosis, she’ll be relying on the staff at Gold’s Gym, who she’s come to rely on like family. “Well, they are like my extended family, they really are,” she said. “They

were helping me prepare for this battle. I shared my stories with my instructors. Some of them cried with me and they continued to support me. As I returned, they worked with my limitations and they’ve done so much for me, for my energy, my attitude.” And while Richardson would recommend her favorite workouts — Zumba, RPM and Body Pump — to anyone new to fitness, she has some words of advice especially for women about taking care of themselves. “Anybody who is 40 or older, or 35 and older if you have a history of breast cancer in your family, definitely should

Pretty in Pink Parties Gold’s Gym Aiken Location Saturday, October 22 For a donation to Susan G. Komen, participants can take part in Zumba, have refreshments, have a chance to win prizes and giveaways, and learn how to detect and treat breast cancer. For more information, email Kim Williams at Gold’s Gym North Augusta Location Saturday, October 29, 9:30-11:30 a.m. $10 registration includes refreshments and door prizes. Proceeds will be donated to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Tickets available from any Zumba instructor or Jennifer Caudill 803-279-8900

Do This, Not That The best and worst advice from top diet plans “The Ultimate Weight Solution: The Seven Keys to Weight-Loss Freedom,” by Dr. Phil The diet plan from this daytime talk-show host boasts seven keys for weight-loss freedom. Best Tip: Reduce your exposure to unhealthy foods and to cues that cause you to eat. This works because you can’t eat what isn’t there! Worst Tip: Use exercise poles on your walk to burn more calories. Why it’s not so great: Unless you’re cross-country skiing, skip the poles and mix up your routine at the gym instead.

“You: On a Diet,” by Dr. Oz and Dr. Roizen Retrain your body during this two-week program, created by Mehmet Oz, M.D. and his partner, Michael Roizen, M.D., that aims to make you healthier for life. Best Tip: Pick a range for your ideal weight instead of fixating on a particular number. This works because you’ll feel guilt-free when faced with the small fluctuations that occur naturally day-to-day. Worst Tip: Eat the exact same thing for lunch — and breakfast too if you can stand it — every day. Why it’s not so great: The lack of


variety may bore you to the point of giving up on your diet.

“The Biggest Loser 30-Day Jump Start,” by Cheryl Forberg, R.D., Melissa Roberson and Lisa Wheeler Based on the hit reality show, this is a serious diet and exercise plan for only those serious about weight loss. Best Tip: Try circuit training. This works because the effective, total-body workouts will help you lose weight and inches, as well as boost your metabolism, strengthen your bones and may even make you more resistant to stress. Worst Tip: Start your own competition à la Biggest Loser, complete with group meetings and registration fees. Why it’s not so great: Without producers, camera crew and a six-figure salary, it’s not worth the trouble.

“French Women Don’t Get Fat,” by Mireille Guiliano A French-born NYC exec considers the differences in American portion sizes (big and bigger) and eating techniques (fast and faster) to that of her native


country. Best Tip: Add “petit” and “peu” to your French vocabulary. This works because you can have a little of everything if you stick to small portions. Worst Tip: Carry a sprig of lavender to smell as you pass the tempting aromas floating out of bakeries and restaurants. Why it’s not so great: Even if this did keep your mouth from watering, it could also have you sneezing up a storm (and looking a little silly).

“The Beck Diet Solution,” by Judith S. Beck, Ph.D. Dr. Beck’s approach is to change the way you think about eating so you can keep up any diet. Best Tip: Differentiate between cravings and hunger. This works because if you can tell the difference between wanting to eat and needing to eat, you can cut out unnecessary calories. Worst Tip: Just say, “Oh well.” Why it’s not so great: If you’re really dreading going to the gym, or just dying to have a few more fries, are you really going to be able to just say, “Oh well,” and stick to the rules of your diet?

“Eat Great, Lose Weight,” by Suzanne Somers Somers doesn’t shy away from fat and encourages low-carb, high-protein meals, while steering clear of all things sugary. Best Tip: Reward yourself with the treats you miss the most while dieting. This works because if you long for white bread but couldn’t care less about chocolate cake, enjoy a serving of bread before dinner but skip dessert. Worst Tip: If a restaurant doesn’t have whole-wheat pasta, bring your own. Why it’s not so great: Celebrities might be able to have chefs cook off the menu, but the rest of us shouldn’t bank on getting the star treatment.

“The Thrive Diet: The Whole Food Way to Lose Weight, Reduce Stress, and Stay Healthy for Life,” by Brendan Brazier Designed to reduce stress, this plan focuses on nutrient-packed whole foods. Best Tip: Eat less processed food. This works because sticking to whole, fiber-rich foods will help you lose weight. Worst Tip: Eat raw. Why it’s not so great: This diet can sometimes lead to deficiencies in powerful nutrients like calcium, iron and protein.

Raising Kane

Chris Kane, sports director for WJBF-TV (ABC News Channel 6), is a member of Gold’s Gym. As the calendar turns to October, I’m quickly reminded as to where I was on October 25, 1986. Shea Stadium, game 6 of the 1986 World Series, Boston Red Sox vs. New York Mets. I was there. When I tell my friends that I was at Shea for this historic game, most of them don’t believe me. Trust me, I was there and so was my dad. Our tickets were on the second level of Shea Stadium about 100 feet on the foul side of the pole. In 1986, I was a sophomore at Morristown High School (Morristown, N.J.) and I was a die-hard Mets fan. My family went to Shea Stadium several times that year and I was hooked on this team. Right fielder Darryl Strawberry was hitting home runs and pitcher Dwight Gooden lived up to his “Dr. K” nickname, as he was striking out everyone. During the regular season, the Mets won 108 games and easily won the N-L East Division title. They went on to beat Houston in the NLCS and now faced Boston in the World Series. When my dad told me that he had secured tickets for Game 6 of the World Series, I couldn’t believe it. We had already been to Game 2 a week earlier and that was more than I could ever ask for. However, Dad remarkably came through again. On a damp and chilly Saturday in late October, father and son decided to embark on a sports marathon. The day began in, of all places, Princeton, N.J. We met friends at the Harvard-Princeton football game. Word spread quickly through our seating area that the Kanes would be heading to Shea for Game 6. We had to produce the tickets as proof. Soon, my dad found himself declining several offers from people wanting to purchase the tickets. We stayed at the football game until it ended and then made our way to Flushing Meadows, N.Y. This was not an easy trek. We crossed the George Washington and Tri-Boro bridges and arrived as the gates were opening around 6 p.m. This was a must-win game for the Mets and you could feel the tension and excitement in the stadium. A Boston win in Game 6 would give the Red Sox their first World Series Championship since 1918. The game went into extra innings and the noise was deafening. I remember being unable to hear my dad sitting right next to me. One swing in the 10th silenced the crowd quickly. Dave Henderson’s home run near the foul pole we were sitting near gave the Red Sox a 4-3 lead. They would need another run to make it 5-3. As the game moved to the bottom of the 10th, Mets fans were leaving Shea Stadium. The Kanes stayed. When the Mets made two quick outs, more fans were streaming out of Shea. The Kanes stayed. I remember having tears in my eyes — I wanted the Mets to win. My team was down to its final out and then something magical happened. Gary Carter singled. Kevin Mitchell singled. Ray Knight drove home Carter with a single. It was a 5-4 game and those Mets fans who left were now running back to get inside the stadium. Shea was shaking and it erupted when Bob Stanley threw a wild pitch. Mitchell scored from third base and the game was tied at five. Next up, Mookie Wilson. The speedy center fielder hit a ground ball through the legs of Boston first baseman Bill Buckner. Knight scored the winning run and Shea Stadium went bonkers. I remember jumping up and down for what seemed like forever. I looked at my dad and nothing needed to be said. We both realized that we had just witnessed one of the greatest moments in baseball history. As we left the stadium, every Mets fan knew the series was over. Nobody believed the Red Sox could bounce back from this devastating loss and win Game 7… and they didn’t. On that magical Saturday in 1986, my father and I left the house at 9 a.m. and didn’t get back to our home in Morristown, N.J., until 3 a.m. Sunday morning. My dad sent me a note recently and said that we traveled more than 200 miles and survived on hot dogs. Twenty-five years later, we remember it most as just a wonderful day for a son and father. Thanks, Dad!

Kane’s Fitness Tip of the Month Don’t be that dude in the gym who flexes in front of the mirror.


Core-Training Revolution Gold’s Gym adds Les Mills’ latest revolutionary class, CX30, to its roster When one of the most respected names in the industry snaps up a product the second it’s launched, you know you’re onto something good. Les Mills’ CX30, a revolutionary new 30-minute core-training program, was unveiled to the world at the IHRSA Trade Show in San Francisco last spring, with the Gold’s Gym chain also announcing they have signed up for the program on the strength of sneak previews and feedback from trials. Les Mills International Chief Executive Officer Phillip Mills says the company’s newest group fitness offering is the result of increased demand for core training in gyms and health clubs around the planet, and feedback from pilot clubs has been overwhelmingly positive. “CX30 combines the best features of both personal training and group classes. For the first time, we are applying the proven Les Mills formula to core training: specifically, trained instructors and fresh workouts every three months with great music and choreography,” says Phillip Mills. “Of course, CX30 has been designed

to tone and strengthen the core muscles we use every day, but the program also challenges traditional thinking about how muscles are affected by exercise. “CX30 is a unique series of moves that target specific areas at high intensity, so you don’t need to work out as long to get results. In fact, we found that sometimes working out longer can just fatigue your muscles,” says Phillip Mills. Core training was identified by the American College of Sports Medicine as one of the top 20 worldwide fitness trends predicted for 2011. Gold’s Gym International President Jim Snow says CX30 represents the latest in core-training technique and innovation, and the chain believes its members will be amazed at the results it delivers. “After carefully reviewing the program,

we were impressed with its high energy and unique ability to activate core muscles in a time-friendly 30-minute class. We’re proud to be the first major chain to offer the program,” says Snow. CX30 has been designed to tighten and tone abs and butt, and also to improve the functional strengthen of back, obliques and “sling” muscles that affect mobility, balance and injury prevention. In developing the program, Dr. Jinger Gottschall of Pennsylvania State University researched how muscles work during core-training exercises. Contrary to traditional thinking, she found that moves that work groups of muscles together, like hovers or standing balance, are just as effective as those that

isolate specific muscles, like abdominal crunches or back extensions. “One of our main goals was to think about the muscles that connect the upper and lower body. We wanted to see if we could still achieve maximum activation across the core when we add the shoulders and hips into a movement,” says Gottschall. “We definitely did with CX30 and in fact, the integrated activity was much higher than we expected. I initially believed the shoulders and hips would reduce some of the benefit to the core, but we actually found that core activity was just as high as with isolation exercises. “It shows you can maximize results by using movements that work groups of muscles at the same time,” she says. Gottschall’s detailed findings were presented to the American College of Sports Medicine in May. CX30 is now available for clubs to license and Gold’s Gym will have classes available to the public in 22 of its clubs across the United States.

Premier Fitness Trick Your Body with a New Workout and Treat Yourself with a Better Physique

With Halloween temptations right around the corner, it is a good time to take a look at your workout schedule and be true to yourself. Are you really working as hard as you should be to achieve the results you desire? For example, one chocolate-covered Halloween Peep is 110 calories, which is equivalent to 13 minutes of non-stop jump rope. When is the last time you jumped rope? Three bite-sized packs of Skittles are 180 calories and that’s about 26 minutes straight on the elliptical. With that in mind, let’s get down to the basics. It all comes down to coming to the realization of, “Are you are sick and tired of being sick and tired?” Are you tired of your clothes not fitting? Are you tired of not having confidence in your looks? Are you tired of poor work performance? Are you tired of not having the life that you feel you deserve? Well, what are you going to do about it? Be honest with yourself and think about how bad you truly want to feel better. When you talk about making a change, it all comes down to the “want to” factor. Do you want to wake up a half hour earlier to do 30 minutes of cardio? Do you want to spend the time making pre-prepared meals that meet all the nutritional guidelines? Do you

want to go to the gym after a long day at the office and work on improving your body? If you answer yes to all of these, then what you need to do next is start to build some accountability. Take the time to talk to a personal trainer at your gym and try to get a road map to your success built specifically for your needs. Get a clear plan and clear focus of what you want to physically, mentally and emotionally accomplish. Take advantage of online food journals, read health and fitness magazines and try to surround yourself with people that have similar goals of wanting to make their life better also. As we approach the holiday season, focus on a few key thoughts. Do I want to have to buy bigger clothes after the holidays? Do I want to gain 20 pounds? Do I want to feel like my quality of life is going downhill? Keep these questions in your mind when you find yourself at holiday meals. Premier Fitness and Gold’s Gym looks forward to seeing you at the gym.

Nutrition Tip

Are those little packets of Halloween candy staring at you from the bowl sitting on your desk just begging you eat just one? Okay, so you cave and eat just one packet. Now they are staring at you again and you are tempted all over again! You tell yourself, “What’s one more packet?” and the downward spiral of candy consumption begins! Halloween candy is some of the worst stuff that you can eat. It is small so you do not worry too much about the calories (even if you eat 20), it is high in saturated fat, and there is so much around at this time of year that it is hard to avoid. In fact, it would be hard to find an office building anywhere in America that does not have a few bowls of Halloween candy still lying around come the middle of November. So start your personal journey early before all the candy starts showing up in the house and mentally prepare to have the willpower to just say no!




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Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m. and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-7370012 or visit Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484.

Mark your calendar for November 10, when David Swanagin shows his new paintings at Sacred Heart. A gifted drummer and member of many great Augusta bands, he’s been earning his keep the past seven years traveling the country providing the beat for many top Nashville acts. Before he left he was one of Augusta’s recognizable artists. He says these are new paintings of many Augusta landmarks. He suffered a head injury while on tour and during his rehab produced what he thinks is his best work yet… which is saying something. Google David Swanagin for a glimpse of his portfolio. Kackleberry Farms is open Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays 1-5 p.m. Visit Blown Away: The Wild World of Weather will be presented Saturdays in October at 7 and 8 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium. $1-$4.50. Reservations recommended. Call 803-6413654 or visit Toddler Story Time and Preschool Story Time take place every Thursday in September at 10:30 a.m. and at 11:15 a.m. at the North Augusta Library. Toddler story time is for children under 3. Pre-school story time for children 3 to 6 years old. Free. Call 803-279-5767 or visit


Story Time in Hopelands will take place every Tuesday through the end of October at 4 p.m. at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit

Adapted Wii Special Populations, throughout the month of September, is at the Wilson Family Y. Individual ½-hour classes (oneto-one ratio) for all physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10 for members; $20 for non-members. Financial assistance is available for all Family Y programs. By appointment only. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9662 or visit The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854-0149 or visit Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:3011:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit


Classes for seniors at the Kroc Center include Golden Agers on Mondays at 9 a.m., Community Resource Time on Mondays at 1 p.m., Computers for Seniors on Monday at 3 p.m., Living Well on Tuesdays at 8:30 a.m., Seated Chair Exercise on Tuesdays at 11 a.m., Social Hour on Tuesdays at 1 p.m., Powerful Tools for Caregivers on Tuesdays at 2 p.m., Alzheimer’s Support Group on Tuesdays at 6 p.m., A Bite of Health on Wednesdays at 9 a.m., Community Resource Time on Wednesdays at 1 p.m., Medicare Q&A on Thursdays at 9 a.m., Social Hours on Thursdays at 1 p.m., Computers for Seniors on Thursdays at 2 p.m., Bingo on Friday at 9 a.m., Wii Time on Fridays at 10:30 a.m., Bunco and Card Games on Fridays at 12:30 p.m., Social Hour on Fridays at 2 p.m., and Bridge and Board Games on Fridays at 2:30 p.m. Call 706364-5762 or visit


Healing Arts Class: Crocheting 101 will be held on Saturday, October 15, 22 and 29 from 1-3 p.m. in the GHS Children’s Medical Center Resource Library. $5. Call 706-513-7301 or visit

CSRA Writers will meet Monday, October 17, at 6:30 p.m. at GMC Augusta on Davis Road. Bring eight copies of manuscript to be critiqued. Call 706-836-7315. Tips and Tricks for Ancestry. com will be held on Tuesday, October 18, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-826-1511 or visit The Augusta Civil War Round Table will meet Tuesday, October 18, at 6 p.m. at TBonz on Washington Road. Call 706-832-5326. The Kroc Center Philosophy Club will meet Wednesday, October 19, at 7 p.m. Call 706-922-8338 or visit Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit The Garden City Chorus, the area’s leading men’s singing group and a member of the Barbershop Harmony Society, is seeking new members. Those interested are welcome to attend Tuesday night rehearsals, held at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Church of Christ on W. Martintown Road. Visit If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

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(actual size) 1.5” x 1.9” Tall $40 per week V. 22 | NO. 59

All declassified ads are Cash in Advance (credit card payment required) and are $40 per week. Visit to place your ad in minutes. METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 33


Really, people? Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots looks that good to you? Better than Clooney? I’m sorry. I need to take a minute to process that. RANK





































“The Ides of March”

Sam Eifling Want to warn someone against getting into politics? Take them to see this movie. If you were trying to coax a promising young mind away from the open sewer of national politics, “The Ides of March” makes a fine argument for, say, medical school over the campaign trail. Based on the play “Farragut North” by Beau Willimon, who shares the screenwriting credit with Grant Heslov and George Clooney, and directed by Clooney, “Ides” follows a campaign media tactician named Stephen Myers (Ryan Gosling) as he tries to steer a Pennsylvania governor named Mike Morris (Clooney, naturally) through the late Ohio primary on the way to the Democratic presidential nomination. All that stands in Morris’ way is an Arkansas senator named Pullman, running behind Morris but, like Morris, scrambling for the endorsement of an also-ran from North Carolina named Thompson (Jeffrey Wright), whose delegates could swing the bid. With a Republican ticket in disarray, it’s presumed that whoever wins Ohio will coast to the presidency. Morris gives George Clooney the

chance to direct George Clooney playing the ideal candidate as imagined by George Clooney. Bold and plainspoken, Morris stumps for public service, energy independence and gay marriage as a civil right. Despite having worked in politics his whole life, Myers sees the candidate and swoons with an idealist’s fervor. His boss on the Morris campaign, Paul Zara (Philip Seymour Hoffman), is older, paunchier and less starry-eyed; he plays foil to the manic Pullman campaign chief Tom Duffy (Paul Giamatti), who lets it be known early on that he has an eye toward perhaps poaching Myers for himself. As if the possibility of beginning a career looking like Gosling and ending it looking like Hoffman or Giamatti weren’t bad enough, “Ides” further discourages a career in politics by rolling out the kind of sly 20ish campaign intern — this one is Molly (Evan Rachel Wood) — who drags upheaval in her wake. One of the takeaways of “Ides” becomes, early on, that no one offers up a good thing for free and, yet, resistance is futile. Flattery gets people everywhere with Myers.

There are a few worthwhile reveals in “Ides,” but any film that takes place over just a matter of days risks a stunted emotional arc, and in some ways “Ides” falters by taking us on too short a journey. Gosling’s Myers begins the film a bit more naïve than he should’ve, given that he’s working high in a presidential campaign, and he does shed that vestigial innocence as people and events turn against him. Yet we watch him harden without evolving. (Come to think of it, that really does sound like politics.) For as much fun as he is to watch, Gosling here, as usual, stays strangely aloof. For as much time as is devoted to Myers, he remains, at his core, inaccessible, and boringly so. “Ides” may actually be more interesting as a warped polemic.


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When Tom Duffy says he’s tired of watching Democrats lose because they won’t descend into the mud with the elephants, you get a whiff of the film’s inverted sanctimony. The tension between what the candidate and what his staffers will do to win must shift over the course of the film, and the impression you’re left with is that the filmmakers, too, would rather see Democrats adopt a realpolitik not above brawling or bargaining. Party loyalty, in this world, is paramount, because the men themselves will always disappoint; the script nods in the direction of Bill Clinton without much subtlety on that point. In “Ides,” having a compromised character is a badge. It means you’re not above actually winning.



$2 Bottles of Bud and Bud Light $3 Long Island Iced Tea, House Margaritas, & Absolut $4 Glasses of Wine $5 Pitchers of Bud Light, Michelob Ultra, & Yuengling V. 22 | NO. 59

Movie times are subject to change. October 14-15 Main Field: Dolphin Tale (PG) and Real Steel (PG-13) Screen 2: Footloose (PG-13) and The Help (PG-13) Screen 3: Moneyball (PG13) and 50/50 (R) Gates open at 7 p.m.; Movies start at 8:15 p.m. (approximately)

Masters 7 Cinemas

October 14 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (PG-13) 3:45, 6:45, 9:30; Cars 2 (G) 4, 7, 9:40; Captain America: The First Avenger (PG-13) 4:15, 7, 9:40; Friends with Benefits (R) 4:30, 7:15, 9:50; Rise of the Planet of the Apes (PG-13) 4:45, 7:30, 9:50; The Smurfs (PG) 5:20, 7:40, 10; Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (PG) 5:30, 7:50, 10 October 15 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (PG-13) 12:45, 3:45, 6:45, 9:30; Cars 2 (G) 1, 4, 7, 9:40; Captain America: The First Avenger (PG-13) 1:15, 4:15, 7, 9:40; Friends with Benefits (R) 1:30, 4:30, 7:15, 9:50; Rise of the Planet of the Apes (PG-13) 1:45, 4:45, 7:30, 9:50; The Smurfs (PG) 12:30, 3, 5:20, 7:40, 10; Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (PG) 12:45, 3:15, 5:30, 7:50, 10

Evans Cinemas

October 14 The Lion King (G) 2:30, 3:15, 4:50, 5:30, 7:15, 9:35; Real Steel (PG-13) 2:30, 4, 5:30, 7, 8:30, 9:50; The Thing (R) 2:40, 5:05, 7:30, 10; The Big Year (PG) 2:50, 5:15, 7:40, 10; Moneyball (PG-13) 3:40, 6:40, 9:40; Courageous (PG-13) 3:50, 6:50, 9:45; Dolphin Tale (PG) 4:10, 7:05, 9:45; 50/50 (R) 4:15, 9:30; Footloose (PG-13) 4:20, 7:10, 9:55; The Ides of March (R)

4:30, 7:20, 9:55; The Help (PG-13) 4:40, 8; Contagion (PG-13) 4:55, 7:25, 10:05; Abduction (PG-13) 6:55; Dream House (PG-13) 7:45, 10:05 October 15 The Lion King (G) 12:15, 1, 2:30, 3:15, 4:50, 5:30, 7:15, 9:35; Real Steel (PG-13) 1, 2:30, 4, 5:30, 7, 8:30, 9:50; The Thing (R) 12:15, 2:40, 5:05, 7:30, 10; The Big Year (PG) 12:25, 2:50, 5:15, 7:40, 10; Moneyball (PG-13) 12:40, 3:40, 6:40, 9:40; Courageous (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:50, 9:45; Dolphin Tale (PG) 1:30, 4:10, 7:05, 9:45; 50/50 (R) 4:15, 9:30; Footloose (PG-13) 1:20, 4:20, 7:10, 9:55; The Ides of March (R) 1:40, 4:30, 7:20, 9:55; The Help (PG-13) 1:10, 4:40, 8; Contagion (PG-13) 1:50, 4:55, 7:25, 10:05; Abduction (PG-13) 1:35, 6:55; Dream House (PG-13) 7:45, 10:05

“The Thing,” rated R, starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton. Oh, goodie: another origins story. This time it’s for John Carpenter’s 1982 classic and stars nobody you’ve ever heard of, so you know it’s got to be great. “Footloose,” rated PG, starring Julianne Hough, Dennis Quaid. Okay, so this probably isn’t a horror movie (technically), but its mere existence is horrific to anyone who’s ever seen the Kevin Bacon original. And Dennis Quaid as the uptight preacher who banned dancing? That’s just terrible casting.


“The Big Year,” rated PG, starring Owen Wilson, Jack Black, Steve Martin. This looks like a Wes Anderson movie, but it’s not. Still, these three starring as competitive bird watchers is something that sounds too good to pass up.

Regal Exchange 20

October 14-15 Footloose (PG-13) 12, 1, 2:35, 3:35, 5:10, 7:15, 7:45, 9:50, 10:20, 12:25; Real Steel (PG-13) 12, 12:30, 4, 4:30, 7, 7:30, 9:45, 10:30, 12:05; Courageous (PG-13) 12:05, 1:05, 4:05, 5:05, 7:05, 8, 10, 10:55; Dolphin Tale (PG) 12:10, 12:45, 2:50, 4:30, 5:30, 7:10, 8:10, 9:50, 10:50, 12:30; The Thing (R) 12:15, 1:15, 2:45, 3:45, 5:15, 7:25, 7:55, 9:55, 10:25, 12:30; The Ides of March (R) 4:40, 7:20, 10:15; The Lion King 3D (G) 12:20, 2:40, 4:55, 7:20, 9:40; The Help (PG-13) 12:25, 3:55, 7:15, 10:25; Moneyball (PG-13) 12:30, 3:50, 7:30, 10:30; Contagion (PG-13) 12:50, 4:25, 7:35, 10:05; Dream House (PG-13) 12:55, 4:10, 7:40, 10:10; 50/50 (R) 1:10, 7:05, 12:05; Kevin Hart: Laugh at My Pain (R) 1:15, 4:20, 7, 9:15, 11:30; Killer Elite (R) 1:20, 4, 7:25, 10:05; Abduction (PG13) 4:35, 9:30


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“Firefly” (2002), “Serenity” (2005) A western set in space… who would watch that? Not as many as Fox would have hoped, apparently, since they only aired 11 of the 14 episodes of this unique series. And they aired those 11 episodes out of order. You would have thought they would have shown Joss Whedon, creator of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” a little more respect. And they should have. “Firefly,” only as far away as the Syfy Channel (chances are, it’s on right now), was a great show. Sure, it’s sometimes a little confusing. But the rebels who occupy the Serenity, a Firefly-class spaceship, are a wisecracking, old-west talking, likeable group of misfits led by Nathan Fillion’s Captain Mal Reynolds. The stories of their adventures trying to stay alive, make some cash, steer clear of the alliance and run like hell from the Reavers (who rape, kill and eat people… in no particular order) are highly entertaining. And the 2005 movie was even better.


The Big Mo



METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 35

CUISCENEINE Football and More

Wild Wing Cafe appeals to sports fans and families alike

Patrice Scholer (her friends know her as Tricie) majored in art in college and her husband runs a medical laboratory. Despite their minimal experience in the restaurant industry, seven years ago the Scholers decided to open a sport-themed restaurant and bar on Washington Road. Not a starter home mind you… more like a mansion. Needless to say, they jumped in with all four feet. “Now, I had worked in the restaurant business growing up and had even done some catering after that, but I’m an art major,” Scholer joked. “It goes hand in hand.” Since then, Wild Wing Cafe has become one of the most popular restaurants in Augusta, and not just with fans of sports and brews. “What was nice about it is that it’s a family restaurant,” she said. “It’s not real fancy, but it’s nice. We have music every night, so there’s just enough of a bar scene, but it’s still family-friendly.” That’s one of the things the Scholers liked so much about the Wild Wing franchise. The other was that the corporate office really takes the time

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to help their franchisees. Patrice and her managers, for instance, spent four months in Charleston learning the business before ever opening the doors. “This is a franchise and the reason we went with Wild Wing Café was because it was a small franchise,” she said. “Well, we liked it first of all. We used to go to the one in Charleston all the time

when my son was at the Citadel. But we chose Wild Wing Café because there is a footprint and the company offers some pretty good backup, especially when you’re first starting out.” After months of training and a significant investment in the renovation of the former brew pub (the restaurant is enormous, featuring a rectangular bar

large enough for two area codes and a parking lot that allows for stadium size crowds) Patrice said, once the opened, they were immediately embraced by the community. “It was amazing, it really was,” she said. “And we still do a steady business, which I love. Of course, there are new places opening all the time, and they’ll

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do well. We’ll get hit for a little while and then it will all even out again.” The reason for Wild Wing’s success in Augusta rests on three aspects of business that Patrice says she really focuses on. “Well, I hope it’s because we have really good food and nice people working here,” she said when asked about the popularity of the restaurant. “And great music. We try to support local musicians and book them as well as the bands who travel around to all of

team. “It can get really crazy in here,” Patrice said. “We probably have an equal amount of Carolina and Georgia fans, which can be tough for us Georgia fans.” Georgia fans can rest assured when it comes to allegiance, though. If you’re not sure, however, just look up after walking in the front door. The giant bulldog head, signed by everyone from Vince Dooley to Herschel Walker, should be a hint. No matter the time of day or season


– c a r e e r

e d u c a t i o n –


look & feel THEIR BEST.

Kyara Bolden, Belle Massie, & Brooke Arrington

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of the year, customers will always find something watch on one of Wild Wing’s many televisions (now remotely controlled by tablet) and they can rest assured that while they’re having fun, they can also do some good. In October, for example, when customers order queso or shrimp dip (served with pink tortilla chips), a dollar of their purchase will go toward local and regional breast cancer research. It’s part of the Scholers’ emphasis on giving back to the community. But just as important is making their customers happy, which Patrice says they try to do with periodic special events. “We try to do a cookout every month outside,” she said. “This month we’ll do an oyster roast called Shucktoberfest on October 29, which is our big Halloween party, too. We hope to have a TV out there, maybe show the Georgia-Florida game. It could get interesting.” Wild Wing Cafe 3035 Washington Road Open seven days a week, lunch and dinner 706-364-9453

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the Wild Wing restaurants.” The restaurant does, in fact, feature live music almost every night of the week. In addition, Patrice says they plan ahead, thinking about which food and drink specials are best for which days. Mondays, for example, are Mexican themed, with $2 tacos (beef, chicken or Baja fish), $3 16-ounce margaritas and $6 45-ounce margaritas. Yes, a 45-ounce margarita. “You should see this thing,” Patrice laughed. “You could swim in it!” Tuesdays are one of the restaurant’s most popular days, largely because customers get 12 wings free when they purchase 12 starting at 4 p.m. These come with a choice of more than 30 wing sauces, from the traditional Chernobyl to the unique Thai and everything in between. Wednesdays feature a pint and a pie pizza nights. These specials all lead up to the weekend, which, at Wild Wing, starts on Thursday and doesn’t end until Monday. On these days, beer specials in take-home stadium cups are what most customers order while watching their favorite college or professional football

Changing Futures. Changing Lives.® For more information about our graduation rates, the median debt of students who completed these programs, and other important information, please visit our website at:


METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 37

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) At this year’s SXSW music festival, Chris Richards of the Washington Post counted six bands with “Bear” in their name, two with “Panda,” seven with “Gold” and seven with “Ghost.” You’re in a phase when it’s crucial to your well-being to come up with original language.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Cry one more tear before the pungent comedy will deliver its ultimate lesson and leave you in peace. The catharses and epiphanies just keep erupting. Your rather unconventional attempts at healing are working — maybe not as rapidly as you’d like.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) “Most people who profess a deep love of the Bible have never actually read the book,” says religious writer Rami Shapiro. If they did, they’d know that Satan is not implicated as the tempter of Adam and Eve. There’s no mention of three wise men coming to see baby Jesus, nor of a whale swallowing Jonah. You really do need to know a lot about the texts, ideas, people and situations upon which you base your life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) “The artist’s job is not to succumb to despair, but to find an antidote to the emptiness of existence,” says the Gertrude Stein character in Woody Allen’s film “Midnight in Paris.” I wish that more artists would be motivated by the desire to create cures for the collective malaise that has haunted every historical era. Take up this noble task, whether or not you’re an artist.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Jack Daniel’s is produced in Moore County, Tenn., which prohibits the sale of alcohol in stores and restaurants. Maybe something you’re good at isn’t appreciated by those around you. Is there anything you can do about that?

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Once you drive your car into Norway’s Laerdal Tunnel, the light at the end doesn’t start appearing until you’ve traveled almost 14 miles. You’re at about the 12-mile mark. Keep the faith. It’s a straight shot from here.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Seek out the company of adventurers who keep you guessing, unruly talkers who incite your imagination and mystery-lovers who are always on the lookout for new

learning experiences. Cultivating novelty is your mandate right now.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) “My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn,” wrote the SlovenianAmerican author Louis Adamic. If you manage to get a smooth thorn without any prickles, the only risk is when you’re licking the honey close to the sharp end. Otherwise, as your tongue makes its way up the sleek surface of the rest of the thorn, you’re fine. You have just finished your close encounter with the sharp point of a smooth thorn. Now the going will be easier.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) On the front of every British passport is an image that includes a chained unicorn standing up on its two hind legs, a central feature of the coat of arms of the United Kingdom. Bring elements of fantasy and myth and imagination into some official setting. It would put you in sweet alignment with current cosmic rhythms.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) There are two definitions of the slang term “cameling up”: filling yourself with thirst-quenching liquid before heading out to a hot place on a hot day and stuffing yourself with a giant meal before going out on a binge of drinking alcohol. I’m proposing a third for you. Before embarking on a big project to upgrade your self-expression, camel up by soaking in an abundance of love and support from people whose nurturing you savor.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Adele has a moving, virtuoso instrument — technically perfect, intriguingly soulful, capable of expressing a range of deep emotion, strong in both her high and low registers. And yet there’s not a single song she does that I find interesting. Do you have a situation you halflove and are half-bored by? What can you do about it?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) There’s a good chance that you will soon find something you lost a while back. The universe is rewarding you for the good work you’ve done lately on taking better care of what’s important to you. You’re going to be shown how much grace is available when you live your life in alignment with your truest values. Rob Brezsny


METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 39

I won’t lie to you, Augusta — I’m having a hard time. Last week, I was forced to watch and review “Two and a Half Men,” and it’s been a long, arduous recovery. For one thing, I can taste the color yellow, and every time I walk by the Lutheran Church, the mosaic of Jesus starts singing “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath.” Beyond that, the only sounds I hear are static and the death cries of rabbits. All time has blended together, so I’m writing this from the future and also right f***ing behind you. In short, Augusta, it’s the most shameful cash I’ve ever earned, and those of you who know me are going to scrub your hands with bleach and gravel right now. Still, I’ve got a job to do, and I’m damned if Ashton Kutcher’s happy trail (of Tears) is going to stop me. Ungeniused is, in the hosts’ own words, “a podcast dedicated to exploring how far down the rabbit hole one can go on Wikipedia.” To a simpleton like me, that sounds pretty sweet. I once logged onto Wikipedia to find out the latitude of the Cotswolds and ended up buried so deep in the Marvel Universe, I still smell stale Tahitian Treat when I walk by the Thor hammers at Walmart. But God is this mess unlistenable. The hosts are terrible; it’s like they’re trying to euthanize attention spans. I’ll admit, I didn’t listen quite long enough to be of sure what was going on, but Harold Bloom and John Kerry swapping hummus recipes on audio-book would be more stimulating.

Stuff You Should Know: Bonus Videos

I was going to do an entry on the standard SYSK podcast episodes, but each of them is about 40 minutes long, and I had garlic potatoes in the oven. Besides, the regular shows are about as engaging as a cage fight between beanbags, and if I want to hear someone droning on in monotone about silly putty and sword-swallowing, I’ll stop taking my meds, thank you very much. The one-minute bonus videos, though, are considerably more awesome. In a nutshell, two dudes walk around doing random stuff — getting haircuts, shopping, playing racquetball — and dropping expositional information on a random topic. They’ve only done two of these so far, so they’re still finding their footing, but the production value is passable, the conversations informative. Perhaps most refreshingly, the two hosts — Josh Clark and Chuck Bryant, pictured above — are charming in an every-dude sort of way, bantering like a couple of hyper-intelligent slackers. Best of all, it seems they’ve saved the craziest subject matter for these condensed episodes; so far “Body Farms” and “Zombies” have been on the agenda. Basically, you can learn more insane sh** in two minutes with this podcast than that time you really shouldn’t have watched the unmarked VHS tape you found in your parents’ sock drawer. Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most unintimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

40 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11



Ungeniused, Episode 2: “Three-Wheeled Cars”

Goodbye, Steve

Last week as I sat down to write this column, I kept thinking to myself, “It doesn’t matter what I talk about... Apple’s iPhone announcement will blow it out of the water.” The iPhone 4S announcement turned out to be anticlimactic, but we all know by now that the world of Apple is forever changed. Steve Jobs, chairman and co-founder of Apple, died on October 5. It is no understatement to say that Steve Jobs created the consumer technology market that exists today. The personal computer was his first genius, partnering with Steve Wozniak to create the Apple II in 1977. Apple Computer is largely credited for shaping the early PC market and demonstrating that the average person wanted a computer. (Remember that this is before the Internet… yes, there are things you can do on a computer without the Internet.) So what did Steve Jobs get in return for creating the personal computer market? In 1985, he was ousted from Apple by a CEO and board that wanted to go in a different direction. You don’t hear much about it, but I suspect Jobs learned a number of lessons about corporate politics from that episode. It’s probably no small surprise that, in terms of market capitalization, Apple was the biggest company in the world when he died. Of course, we all know Jobs eventually returned to Apple, but personally, I’m glad he had the time away. First of all, it gave Jobs the chance to revolutionize the computer animation industry. Jobs bought the Graphics Group division of Lucasfilm from George Lucas in 1986. In 1995, Pixar released its first movie, “Toy Story,” and conducted an IPO. (No coincidence, I’m sure.) Secondly, it allowed Jobs to start NeXT Software. While NeXT wasn’t the commercial success of his other endeavors, technologies developed at NeXT eventually evolved into Mac OS. In 1997, Jobs returned to Apple, and the rest is history. But what a history it is! The release of the iMac in 1998 re-established Apple’s innovative role in the desktop market. A truly revolutionary breakthrough came with the release of iTunes and the iPod in 2001. At the time, Napster was in the process of destroying the music business. Through iTunes, Apple was able to update the distribution model for content providers without taking away the convenience of file sharing. It’s quite likely the iTunes model will form the basis of all media distribution (print, music, video) for years to come. And, finally, we arrive at the iPhone release in 2007. This product changed the consumer electronics market perhaps as much as the original Apple II did 30 years earlier. The iPhone enabled truly portable computing and demonstrated how cloud services would work before we even knew to call them cloud services. Along the same lines, the iPad, released in 2010, proved that a full-sized, touchscreen interface can replace the traditional keyboard and mouse. Where would Jobs go from here? If we only had the brilliance to speculate! It’s only after he’s gone do we pause and recognize the magnitude of his accomplishments. How many other individuals have impacted the way people live in such a significant way? Thomas Edison, perhaps? History will have to be the judge. All I know is that I’ve been a PC my entire life. I only hope that one day, when I grow-up, I’ll be good enough to be a Mac. Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet. Tweet me @ gregory_a_baker. L8R.

Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.

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Thursday, October 13 Live Music

French Market Grille West Doc Easton Malibu Jack’s Marilyn Adcock One Hundred Laurens Kenny George Rose Hill Stables Preston, Weston, Sandra Sector 7G Project Independent Sky City Powerkompany w/ Heyrocco Somewhere In Augusta John Kolbeck Villa Europa Gary Trumet and the Sauerkrauts Wild Wing Villanova

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s Karaoke Casa Blanca Thursday Tango Club Argos Karaoke Cocktails Lounge Karaoke Coyote’s Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke

Friday, October 14 Live Music

Augusta Canal Moonlight Music Cruise Rob Foster Bell Auditorium Kings of New York Hip Hop Tour Cotton Patch Riley Williams Country Club Jared Ashley Band Doubletree Hotel 3 Sides of Jazz French Market Grille West Doc Easton Imperial Theatre Pam Tillis Malibu Jack’s South Atlantic Polo Tavern Bamboo Sector 7G Lydia, All Get Out, Look Mexico, East From West Somewhere In Augusta Jim Perkins Stillwater Tap Room Waller Wild Wing Almost Famous The Willcox Kenny George

Rebeck’s Hideaway Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe Karaoke with Steve Chappel Somewhere in Augusta Footloose Dance Party Soul Bar ’80s Night Tropicabana Latin Friday Wheels Live DJ Wooden Barrel Karaoke Contest

Saturday, October 15 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Cotton Patch Refuge Country Club The Endalls Coyote’s Jeremy Graham Band Malibu Jack’s Preston and Weston P.I. Bar and Grill Not Gaddy Jazz Polo Tavern Irritating Julie Sector 7G Friends, Behold The Messenger, God Vomit Soul Bar Turf War w/ The Agenda Wild Wing Back In Black

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s DJ Rana Club Argos Variety Show Cocktails Lounge Latin Night Coyote’s Jeremy Graham Band Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge Reggae Night The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke One Hundred Laurens DJ Kenny Ray Tropicabana Salsa Saturday Wheels Live DJ Wooden Barrel Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, October 16 Live Music Fox’s Lair Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia The Highlander Butt Naked Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans DJ Kris Fisher The Playground Open Mic with Brandy Polo Tavern DJ Nirvana Shannon’s Karaoke Somewhere in Augusta Karaoke with Charles Soul Bar Boom Box DJ Set Villa Europa Karaoke with Just Ben Wooden Barrel ‘80s Night Karaoke V. 22 | NO. 59

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s DJ Tim Club Argos Variety Show Cocktails Lounge Grown-Up Fridays Cork and Bull Pub Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge Caribbean Night Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke Palmetto Tavern DJ Tim

5 O’Clock Bistro Buzz and Candice P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music Wild Wing Patterson & Nate

What’s Tonight?

Caribbean Soul Love Jones Sundays Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Polo Tavern Island Grooves w/ DJ Nirvana

Monday, October 17 What’s Tonight? Applebee’s (Evans) Trivia

Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Malibu Jack’s Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Somewhere In Augusta Poker Tourney Wild Wing ’80s Karaoke

Tuesday, October 18 Live Music

Cocktails Lounge Live Music The Highlander Open Mic Night Wild Wing Swingin Richards

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Dart League The Highlander Open Mic Night Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Denny Somewhere in Augusta Trivia with Charles

Wednesday, October 19 Live Music

209 on the River Smooth Grooves Malibu Jack’s Marilyn Adcock Manuel’s Bread Café Miranda Pokryzywinski Wild Wing Grannys Gin

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos Santoni’s Satin Dolls Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Cocktails Lounge Augusta’s Got Talent The Cotton Patch Trivia and Tunes with Cliff Bennett Laura’s Backyard Tavern Karaoke The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad Jazz DJ The Playground Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Somewhere In Augusta Comedy w/ Big Ed Caylor & Jared Stern


Jason Shepard Somewhere In Augusta October 20 Jason Sturgeon Wild Wing October 20 Double D Augusta Canal Moonlight Music Cruise October 21 Holman Autry Band Country Club October 21 Pretty Petty Polo Tavern October 21 Papa String Band Stillwater Tap Room October 21 Not Gaddy Jazz P.I. Bar and Grill October 22 Neil Sedaka Bell Auditorium October 27 USCA Jazz EnsembleEtherredge Center October 27 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 45


Chuck and his wife run Downstairs Live, a private concert series streamed live from their home. He also dabbles in photography and videography. For more info, go to or

The Best Music You’ve Never Heard: Angie Aparo Chuck Williams

After our Downstairs Live shows started to become successful, one of my main objectives was to get Angie Aparo on our stage. Angie is an amazing artist out of Atlanta who has been one of our favorites for a long time. We were introduced to his music in the late ’90s and have been fans ever since. A few months after discovering his music, I saw where he was going to be playing in Atlanta, so we bought tickets and made plans for a road trip. The bland two-hour drive was well worth it, for when Angie finally took the stage I was totally mesmerized. I’d been listening to his music for months, but hearing him live was incredible. His vocal range was off the charts, and at different times during his set he would close his eyes and get totally immersed in the song as his passion took over. This guy was incredible! He did a version of Elton John’s “Rocket Man” that will forever be imprinted in my mind. Now let’s jump to 2007. We were in the middle of our third year of putting on concerts, and Angie was at the top of our wish list. I checked my email one afternoon and, to my surprise, there was an email from his agent asking if we had any available dates for a possible Angie show. Drrrrrrrr. I’d been trying for two years to get this guy. I couldn’t wait to send out the announcement to our guests. To truly understand my excitement, you need to know that this guy’s talent is revered in the music industry. He’s a well-respected songwriter and everyone knows his voice is insane. He’s the one who wrote “Cry,” the smash country hit that won Faith Hill a Grammy in

Angie Aparo 2002. Yep! That was Angie’s song. He even sang it with her during a nationally televised Thanksgiving special back in 2005. We ended up booking Angie for an April show and it was all that I had ever hoped. His songs were moving and beautiful, and his outrageous humor left everyone in happy pain. He gave all of us an incredible music memory that we have been talking about ever since. A few years later I booked him again, but this time the show was going to be held at Fort Discovery Theater. Our shows at Downstairs Live were selling out extremely fast and we always had around 70 on the waiting list. I was hoping the 250-seat theater would allow for more people to experience what we had to offer. For this larger room show we were hoping to create a more intimate vibe, so we placed 40 white pillar candles in holders all over the stage, and a single red candle in the middle.

During Angie’s set, as he sometimes does, he went off on different tangents that were hysterical. At one point he started talking to the single red candle, saying things like, “Why are you different? What makes you so special?” During this hilarious rant we were laughing and holding our faces in pain. Just about that time he decided to blow out one of the candles next to him. In one swift motion, he placed his head above the candle and blew as hard as he could. The melted wax in the large candle splattered upwards and looked as if it covered his face and forehead. The laughter in the theater instantly turned to silence. Twenty seconds into this tense moment there was still no sound. Both of Angie’s hands covered his face as he leaned over. At that time we weren’t sure if the wax hit him or not, and I wondered if this was part of his shtick. Thirty seconds had gone by and I began to worry. Someone on the front row finally got up and brought

him a little towel. Angie grabbed it and started wiping his face. As he did, the dried wax started falling off his face like snow. With his head still face down, he raised one hand as if to say, “I’m OK… give me a second.” After an entire minute of silence, Angie raised his head, smiled and said something hilarious. He blew off the scary moment and played for another hour. Never a dull moment with Angie Aparo! He will be playing at Oddfellow’s Art Gallery (8th and Ellis) in downtown Augusta this Saturday, October 15. There are limited tickets, so call Syd Padgett at 706-513-0916 to buy yours and get more information. He will also be playing a private Downstairs Live show on December 10, and it will be streamed live if you are interested in watching online. Go to downstairslive. com for more info.

Brian Allen is a local music fan whose weekly podcast,, has over 10,000 subscribers and about that many folks streaming it each week.

This Week’s Episode: Take Issue with the Writer from Paste Stak

Now I am aware that a ton of ink was given to Sharon Jones and The Dap-Kings in the run up to her first concert in Augusta in over a year. Is there such a thing as too much press when we’re talking about a hometown girl done good? What you don’t usually see in publications like Metro Spirit and our esteemed colleagues over at the competition is an article after the event

46 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

has taken place. I carried my wife to the show with Tracy having no idea what to expect. She is now a Sharon Jones fan. Aside from the fact that this supertight band effortlessly slung generous helpings of soul and funk and that Jones is the embodiment of dynamite coming in small packages, I was struck by the audience. First of all, everyone was

smiling. I looked over at Tracy and she was smiling. I looked over at my friend Bill Quattlebaum and he was smiling. I see Joe White, Coco Rubio and Matt Flynn. Smiling. Smiling. Smiling. Entire audience including myself smiling. The music made you happy. The other remarkable thing about the audience was the extremely broad demographic in attendance.

Dreadlocked hippies carelessly cavorted alongside dreadlocked rastas. Middleaged indie rockers happily shared space with old R&B fans. Twenty-something townies boogied alongside cotton-haired grannies. To me the experience was much more than just a concert. It was cathartic. Armed with a positive message and a stage presence that demands the attention of its audience, Sharon Jones V. 22 | NO. 59

demonstrated in some small way how music can bring people together in harmony. That said, there were a few things in the article Metro Spirit ran on Sharon Jones last week that really rubbed me the wrong way. Written by a fellow named Steve LaBate, the article was a reprint that had previously appeared in Paste magazine (which I like just fine) as a sort broad review of her last record, “I Learned the Hard Way.” While the

hook or a chorus. The hook is the chorus in “100 Days 100 Nights.” What this shows me is that this writer does not understand the fact that the template employed Jones and The Dap-Kings is primarily based on the James Brown model, which had some tunes that followed a popular music structure but mostly not. For a Godfather tune to run on for over 10 minutes with an almost complete disregard for conventional song structure was commonplace over his career. Jones is not plying trade in conventional song Sharon Jones and The Dap-Kings structure. Exhibit B: Labate says that article was by and large positive, a few he agrees with “wizened rock of LaBate’s opinions are frankly insulting critics and music-industry vets” when to both Jones and the intelligence of the they argue that “all the young-uns” have reader. been fooled into believing that The Exhibit A: He states that the 2007 Dap-Kings would’ve been anything but tune “100 Days 100 Nights” is “standard dime a dozen soul revue back in the worthy.” Fair enough until you get to day (really, dude?). Later in the same the very next paragraph in which he paragraph he documents that on Jones’ states that none of the music released first three records “the musicianship prior to “Hard Way” had any hooks or was strong, Jones’ vocals incinerating...” choruses. Explain to me how a song can Blah, blah, blah. An insult on one end be standard worthy but “devoid” of a followed with compliments at the other.

Having grown up in Augusta, I’ve seen James Brown and his various funk and soul revues play live a time or two. I don’t think its hyperbole to say that Sharon Jones and The Dap-Kings are right up there with JB’s bands where performance, tightness, creativity and showmanship are concerned. Who is trying to fool who, LaBate? It is difficult for me to understand how a band like The Dap-Kings can develop a worldwide following over the course of their first three records with songs that, according to LaBate, were “mostly nondescript.” The last time I checked, you don’t get to back a multi-platinum recording artist like Amy Winehouse if your band is a dime a dozen. And people like Prince don’t invite you onstage at Madison Square Garden if you can’t hold your own in the music business. I for one am hoping that now that Jones is back home here in Augusta, we’ll get to see her and her amazing band more frequently. I happily would’ve paid double the ticket price last Friday night. Just tell Richmond County to hold off on naming any buildings or amphitheaters after her just yet. We got some good years ahead of us enjoying her great music to go.

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We’re the opposite of a Big Box Store. We’re the little store in Fairway Square and although we have our own of computer wxperts, we dont really call them geeks (at least to their faces). They’re just competent, skilled computer technicians with the know-how to clean up your computer at a reasonable price and get you back on the internet fast. And although we’re not keeping score, given the fact we’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this year, it is very likely we’ve sold and repaired more computers than any other company in Augusta... and we have thousands of satisfied customers to prove it.

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15 in 5 • Did you know that self-checkout doesn’t mean express checkout? It’s true. I had a friend tell me that I’m a jerk for taking my cart through that line, as it’s meant for those only with a few items. If that’s the case, why is there a turnstile that holds six bags? I haven’t seen a sign that says express, except on the aisle next to self-checkout that is clearly marked “Express Lane.” • My apologies to all patrons of the Wrightsboro Road Vallarta last Tuesday night. We knew when we made the plans that we’d be hated. Any time you have almost 30 people, more than half of whom are kids, it’s bound to be loud. At least we were off to the side, in a semi-private area! • I’m really, really bad about checking voicemail. If you need to reach me, you can text me. Otherwise, just assume that I’ll see the missed call and ring you back. • The school nurse sent a note home asking if we could be sure to send The Girl to school in socks, so her feet won’t get dirty or sweaty. Um, they’re feet. Tomorrow, I’ll be sure to leave her lunchbox empty of all food, so as to avoid getting food in the teeth. • So there was this (extremely overweight) kid at the grocery store shoving candy in his pocket. There wasn’t another adult in sight. I nicely asked if he’d paid for it; I knew he hadn’t. I caught him twice more, and kindly asked him if he thought that was a good idea. His motherish figure finally surfaced, telling me to mind my own business. Next time, instead of quietly giving your boy another chance, I’ll go straight to the manager. • My neighbor and dear friend had a birthday this weekend. Happy, happy Auntie Doctor S! • I think that making lists is a great form of writing. If you’re not partial to a list, remove the numbers and call it an essay of jumbled thoughts. • September’s best search terms: “wash floor no knickers” (does this mean I have a British following?), “when did you discover mommie without panties,” and “is there a word for when you can’t stand the noise of someone crunching food near you” (yes, it’s called awful). • If cheaters never win, why do they bother? • Just about the only time I’ll get fired up in a tennis match is if the opponents are cheating. Especially if they’re winning. • The Boy is slightly obsessed with the United States, our presidents and the government. We just got an email from one of our congressmen, letting us know that we have appointments for (free) tours of the White House and Capitol. Did you know that they’ll organize that for their constituents? The Boy is going to flip his lid. • I have been trying to get these damn Cub Scout badges sewn on a shirt for weeks. Apparently they make a no-sew product called Badge Magic. It’s peel and stick. Now why wouldn’t someone at the scout store tell me that when I bought the badges? • It’s sad that Steve Jobs won’t be around to share his brilliance with us anymore. He left a great legacy. Even cooler is the heightened awareness for organ donation. It can either prolong or save a life. Become an organ donor! • Someone on Facebook (Lord, Facebook is annoying) said “Steve Jobs was ahead of the curb.” Yep, just dwellin’ in the gutters. Bless. • Speaking of Facebook, everyone is all up in arms about the new format. There were privacy issues, which seem to be fixed. Otherwise, you’re gonna have to deal with it, people. You aren’t the customer here. You’re the product.


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4272 Washington Road. | Next to Publix in Evans (down from evans cinemas) METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 49


Good Thing Aguilera’s Pounds Migrate to One (Two?) Places

Being a talented musician is hard. Just like perfecting a stand-up routine, it’s all about the stage time. The more you get up in front of people and practice, the better you will be. Luckily for Augusta, musicians have outlets like The Playground and Sky City who offer up Open Mic nights. This is your chance to show off your talent to a room full of people wanting to do the same thing. I like going to Open Mic nights. I look at it two ways: I’m either going to get to enjoy some free live music or I’m going to get a good laugh. Christina Aguilera You never know what you’re going to get. So if you’ve ever wanted to perform, you really don’t have any excuses. In bummer news of the week, former Weezer bassist Mikey Welsh was found dead in a Chicago hotel over the weekend. Welsh was only 40 years old. He left the band in 2001 following a mental breakdown and drug problems. The creepy part comes where a week prior to his death, he Tweeted, “Dreamt I died in Chicago next weekend (heart attack in my sleep). Need to write my will today.” Crazy huh? Of course, this brings up rumors that it was a suicide. No further details have been released. Told you it was bummer news. Here’s your week’s rundown of music news: Adele had to cancel her entire U.S. tour because of an overeating problem she has. I’m just kidding; Adele’s doctors diagnosed her with a vocal cord hemorrhage. The overeating thing was just way funnier. Speaking of overeating, have you seen Christina Aguilera lately? Wow, she’s taken down a couple Big Macs since the days of “Dirrty.” Luckily for us, though, it just made her boobs that much bigger. So for that, I thank you McDonalds. Paul McCartney got married over the weekend. I guess he was in the mood for giving away half of his money again. As you could of guessed, yes, she’s hot and half his age. In an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Courtney Love released a couple of excerpts from her upcoming memoir. She goes on to talk about the first time she had sex with Kurt Cobain and how she was his own emergency medical service. Man is she classy, and extremely good-looking. Check out the article in this month’s Vanity Fair and be expecting the book to hit shelves sometime next year. Could it be true? Could we have a rock/alternative album on the top of the Billboard music charts? No, no we don’t. Coming in a close second this week is Blink 182’s new album, “Neighborhoods.” The band lost out to someone named J. Cole. Who? Other notables in the top 10 this week are Wilco, Swithfoot and Mastodon. Oh, and Lady Antebellum. I figured I should mention Lady A since they don’t get enough press in this town. Couple shows I’m looking forward to: Jim Perkins will be doing an acoustic set at Somewhere In Augusta this Friday night, and coming up on Friday, October 28, catch a packed show at The Playground with Shotgun Opera and The Atom Blonde. What bands am I missing? What shows should I be seeing? And where is the Halloween party this year? Email me, Matt Stone — can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

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Bright Lights, Rivalry Games and Bud Heavy Local teams try to stay in the thick of things as region play heats up

To mistakenly say it was just a rivalry game would mean you had not done your due diligence. Oh no. There was a lot more than just pride on the line during this year’s GreenbrierEvans game. What was up for grabs was an outside shot at postseason play, with the victor not only getting their first region win, but also staying in the, “Sure, things might look over, but don’t go sleeping on ______!!” conversation that we relish in having over the next few months. Yes, that interchangeable phrase that’s as frustrating as the mound of leaves slowly piling up in your backyard. Rare are the times when you can battle your way back into playoff contention after starting 0-2 in region play. To catch enough breaks that late in the season, much less play in a sub-region where the standard bearers are as great (Statesboro) and as talented (Lakeside) as many in the state, you got a better shot at getting a job by #OccupyingWallStreet. In the tightly contested matchup, we saw Greenbrier get multiple key stops against the Evans offense, no series of them more essential than the first four possessions of the second half, when Greenbrier’s defense only gave up one field goal. The Wolfpack offense sputtered at times, but did get the ball into their playmakers’ (Jahvon Hardrick, Jeremy Harden and Thomas Brown) hands enough to keep the Evans defense honest throughout the game. Evans had many opportunities to put the game away, but at times showed some immaturity that comes with having talented underclassman in game-changing positions for the first time. Watching a strategic defensive battle where ball control and time of possession are essential is fun to watch. Man on man, three yards and a cloud of dust. Nothing flashy, just America’s game. “To hell with exciting. I’d rather be drab as hell and win.” That’s how legendary Ohio State Head Coach Woody Hayes describes his offensive philosophy. Thankfully for the fans at the Lexington-North Augusta game last Friday, neither coach channeled their inner Woody Hayes. It was one of the biggest games of the year and as the stadium lights brilliantly pierced through the fall night, the stars of the Palmetto state dazzled for all to see. Yellow Jacket quarterback Tyrell Hillary was 23 of 38 for 331 yards, with five touchdowns and one interception. All night he worked the Lexington defense, hitting his receivers, like Montez McGuire (8 catches 125 yards, 1 TD) and even

52 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

connecting with stud running back Vinny Miller on a receiving touchdown to go along with his usual course load (32 carries 158 yards 2 TDs). Also in the mood for a good ole’ fashioned shootout, Lexington brought a sixshooter of their own. Shaq Roland, the No. 1 ranked player in South Carolina — also a South Carolina commit — brought heat with his nine catch, 176 yard and three touchdown clinic from the wide receiver position to go along with his two carries for 32 yards and two touchdowns while running the rock. The Wildcats proved to be too much for the Yellow Jackets — though the game was decided late and did have a cloud of smoke surrounding the finish — and dealt them the first blow to their very promising season.

Games to Watch

Hephzibah @ Butler: Thursday, October 13, 7 p.m. TV: Digital 6.2, Knology/Atlantic Broadband 246, Comcast 380 The Bulldogs look to get back on track after a big loss to Washington County last week. South Effingham @ Lakeside: Friday, October 14, 7:30 p.m. South Effingham ruined Evans’ homecoming a few weeks ago. Can they return to Augusta and deal the Panthers a loss? Eau Claire @ Strom Thurmond: Friday, October 14, 7:30 p.m. Three more wins and the Rebels have an undefeated regular season. Don’t slip now!

College/NFL Games to Watch

No. 20 Baylor @ No. 21 Texas A&M: Saturday, October 15, noon, FX Robert Griffin III is one of the most exciting players in the country. Do yourself a favor and watch this game. Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons: Sunday, October 16, 1 p.m., FOX Homecoming for Cam Newton (Westlake High School, pictured at left) and his feisty group of 1-4 Panthers are hungry for another win. You can’t pencil in a win against them like you used to, Falcons. Dallas @ New EnglandSunday, October 16, 4:15 p.m., FOX Are you kidding me? America’s team vs. America’s team? I might have to switch to Budweiser for this one. Trust me. It’s the American thing to do.

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Prince Harming

I feel like a disappointment to my boyfriend of seven months. I’m 28; he’s 35 and Mr. Smart. He is a Brit and was a top student at Cambridge. He says everyone expected him to become prime minister, but he decided to buck their expectations and become a portrait painter. Although he earns a good living, I believe he considers himself a failure compared with the wealthy Brits commissioning his paintings. He says I’d be “more attractive” to him if I wrote for a media blog, as it would help his filmmaking career aspirations. Well, I quit my unsatisfying graphic design job, and I am halfway through getting my master’s in psychology and have no time or desire to blog. He’ll tell me I’m talented/beautiful/smart but add a dig like “It’s surprising you aren’t more accomplished by now” and say stuff like “You’re not very attractive when you’re anxious.” When I tell him this is hurtful, he apologizes and says he just wants to help me better myself. I want to be the strong, confident woman he says is most attractive. I felt that way when we were first dating, but perhaps my insecurity took over. How do I toughen up and develop a thicker skin? — Eroded Love is patient, love is kind, love is surprised you aren’t more accomplished and thinks you’re kinda uggo when you’re anxious. And okay, love isn’t prime minister, just some hired brush, but maybe love could paint a couple extra chins on The Duke of Oldemoneyham or Lady Footlocker instead of taking all that bitterness and self-loathing out on you. Apparently, the next best thing to running a country is finding a girlfriend, appointing yourself her sadistic guidance counselor, and running her spirit down till she feels like a chalk outline of the woman she used to be. (All the better to prime her to further your career at the expense of her own.) This isn’t love; it’s insidious emotional abuse — a man doing everything to undermine his girlfriend’s confidence, only to turn around and remind her that confidence is sexy.  A younger woman who’s unsure of herself who pairs up with an older, accomplished man is most prone to get into this sick compliment-digapology loop you’re in. You idealized this guy and the relationship to the point where you’ve become desperate for his approval so you can crawl back up from where he’s put you down. If you had a stronger self and a realistic view of him, you’d see his putdowns for what they are — stealth abuse passed off as loving criticism: “Here, let me help you out of a little more of your self-worth.”  Instead of wondering how you might grow body armor, ask yourself those basic questions so many in relationships forget to keep asking: Does this person make me happy? Is my life better because I’m with him? You can go back to being that strong, confident woman you once were — once you no longer have an emotional predator for a boyfriend. After you ditch him, take some time to ponder my favorite definition of love, by sci-fi writer Robert Heinlein: “Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” A guy who loves you Heinlein-style will “help you better yourself,” but by cheering you on for having the guts to change careers and by telling you you’re beautiful and sexy — without following up by whispering a bunch of sweet “you’re nothings” in your ear.

Semicolon Cleansing

How important is it that personal style and sensibilities match in a relationship? I’m 24 and having trouble agreeing to a first date with a man if he texts or emails me an emoticon. I majored in literature, love language and see the emoticon as the epitome of intellectual laziness and bad expression of self. — :( “O Romeo, Romeo… eeuw, Romeo… you’re wearing dad jeans and a T-shirt with a wolf on it, and not in an ironic way.” As a younger woman, you’re more likely to dump guys over little things, like style crimes. But after a few years of dating, and a few rounds with some Slick Ricks, minor sensibility mismatches should pale in comparison with serial cheating and undeclared STDs. (You can steer a guy into cooler shirts. It’s harder to get a guy to throw on some ethics.) That said, as a lit hound, you aren’t “shallow” in looking critically at a guy’s emoticon use, just unwise in cutting him off before the first date because of it — assuming the rest of his email doesn’t reveal scorching illiteracy and poor self-expression. Maybe this is his one area of intellectual laziness. We all have some — for example, the intellectually lazy assumption that somebody’s intellectually lazy just because he sometimes “winks” with punctuation marks. 


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METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11 53


The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

Occupy Augusta Stumbling Out of the Block

I read with a grin the opening “manifesto” of Augusta’s fledgling Occupy protest group, which is apparently coming soon to an open field somewhere near you. The following is the summation of what they call, and this is a direct “cut and paste” from, “Ways Augusta’s Economy is Suffering as a Result of Corporate Greed and Political Corruption.” 1. Augusta-Richmond County, GASC ranked 9th city hit hardest by gov layoffs. (AR: You betcha! That is because the CSRA is one of the biggest “government job treasure chests” in the country. SRS, MCG, Fort Gordon, ASU, USC-A, etc. etc. This gripe reminds me of the 500-pound man crying because his free ice cream is being cut back “some.”) 2. New Census data shows that Georgia’s poverty rate was the third highest in the country in 2010, up two spots from last year, with more than 1.8 million residents counted among the poor. Georgia also ranked eighth in the nation in the number of uninsured residents, at a rate of 19.4 percent. Roughly 1.9 million Georgians did not

54 METRO SPIRIT 10.13.11

have health insurance last year. (AR: Po’ folks congregate here in good times, why not bad? The weather is better.) 3. The Richmond County Sheriff’s Office has been faced with a $2.6 million budget cut. (AR: And still we have less crime than most cities our size. This is what is known as a win-win.) 4. Columbia County has had to cut their pre-k program in half (at least), resulting in a weakening of education for our children and added pressure to the working residents to find additional day care options. (AR: Good parents will continue to make good students. And if “parents” can’t afford daycare, perhaps they need to remember the comparatively low cost of condoms.) 5. The Columbia County Health Department, which provides services to many adults and children unable to afford health care, is facing budget cuts. (AR: I am not poor, and I face the same “budget cuts” via insurance rate increases. This is not a local phenomenon, it is everywhere.) 6. Serenity Behavioral Health Services

has faced severe budget cuts. They have had to cut their juvenile program, leaving many unable to get mental health care for their children. They have also cut their pharmacy program. (AR: See No. 5.) 7. The Medical College of Georgia is facing budget cuts. (AR: See Nos. 1 and 5.) 8. Georgia college tuition is once again rising. (AR: My wife is 36 years old and still paying back college loans.) 9. Savannah River Site, which has provided many jobs for those in the CSRA, is facing budget cuts leading to hundreds of layoffs. Recently SRS officials announced 1,200 layoffs with more predicted in the future. (AR: See No. 1.) 10. Over 500 homes in Augusta are in the process of foreclosure. Yet, the banks have been shown to engage in illegal foreclosure practices. Look into “robosigning”. (AR: This is why God invented apartments. And I know of not one local banker accused of foreclosure fraud.) 11. The only reason USPS is in a “crisis” is because of the Postal Accountability and Enhancement Act of

2006. They actually have enough money in reserves to get themselves out of the “crisis” but the government will not allow them access to this money. Note USPS has NEVER taken taxpayer money. (AR: Email is a bitch. Technology delivers us from government bureaucracy and waste. Again with the win-win.) 12. Georgia’s SAT scores are pretty much the lowest in the country. (AR: Not among Georgia kids who have parents that are worth a good damn, thank you very much. Oh, and the top 10 states have a single-digit student participation rate, in Georgia, we have an 80 percent participation rate. As the husband of a Georgia teacher, you whiners can kiss my ass.) 13. Pain of Job Crisis Goes Beyond the Unemployed. (AR: Hey... we are in agreement here! Of course folks in Green Bay say the same thing. Nothing “local” to look at here, move along.) Maybe one day Augusta’s hard left will get their act together and make sense. Today is not that day.

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Metro Spirit 10.13.2011  

The Metro Spirit is a free weekly newspaper that serves readers in the Augusta and North Augusta area. Editorial coverage includes Richmond...

Metro Spirit 10.13.2011  

The Metro Spirit is a free weekly newspaper that serves readers in the Augusta and North Augusta area. Editorial coverage includes Richmond...