Metro Spirit 08.09.2012

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METRONEWS FEATURE AUGUSTA TEK CROSSWORD

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EVENTS CALENDAR SIGHTINGS JENNY IS WRIGHT

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Contributors Jamess Allen|Greg Baker|Rob Baker| Brezsny|Sam Eifling |Matt Matt Lane|Austin Rhodes|Josh Ruffin|Andy Ruffin Andy Stokes|Matt Stone|Jenny W Ruff Wright

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INSIDER RUFFIN’ IT AUSTIN RHODES

SLAB SPEAK EASY MATT’S MUSIC CUISINE SCENE BALL PET PAGE

Metro Spirit is a freee newspaper published publis weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks eks a year. Editorial coverage includes local ocal al issues and news, arts, arts entertainment, entert people, places and pectrum. The he views do not necessarily represent present the views of the th publisher. publish Visit us at metrospirit.com. m.Š events. In our paperr appear views from across the political and social spectrum. ner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permissio p person, perso please. 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: permission is prohibited. One copy per

CONTENTS

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TRAILHEAD: Columbia County looks to turn Greenspace into a cross county trail

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WHINELINE Two of the seven deadly sins? Gluttony and sloth. Nowhere on the list? homosexuality. The unsolved case of the January, 2010 theft of $25,308.00 in public fund cash plus checks from the unlocked safe in the Office of the Augusta Tax Commissioner seems to have been swept under the rug in the darkest, stinkiest

corner of the one responsible for apprehending these thieves. Of the current three candidates striving diligently to become the next Sheriff of Augusta/ Richmond County, Georgia, which one will strive most diligently towards solving this old, easily committed and easily solvable crime?

Why don’t you guys put a PDF (or other format) of your weekly paper out on your website. Advertisers would like it. More people could read it and it would be highly searchable. I would actually make your website easier to navigate as well (and far cheaper). I often see things in the print version; but, I don’t Leave Lori alone or the kitten will bring it to work. Yet, I would like cut u off at the knees. And you to reference something I saw know how I am FR. The purrs will while online. turn to hisses.

probably has never been there. Her parents arent even from Africa. There was a white man that ran the 400 m representing South Africa and nobody has refered to him as Euro-African. I have seen some fabulous black Im a white American that athletes in the olympics this past thinks that Miss Douglas is an outstanding gymnast and am week. African-British, Africanproud to have her represent our Dominican, African-Jamaican, country, simply as an American. African-Ethiopian, AfricanYall need to just quit. Kenyan......Why do people insit on repeatedly refering to Gabby Douglas as African American? She wasn’t born in Africa, (continued on page 38) So Cuthbert wants a First Friday pub crawl? Well God forbid we don’t give Cuthbert what he wants. Besides, he is the selfproclaimed king of downtown.

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PLANNING FOR THE IRONMAN: Exhaustive effort brings together multiple agencies and over 1,000 volunteers FUN WITH PADDLES: Riverkeeper’s Paddlefest offers competition, laughs and a clear route through the shoals APPLES TO APPLES: TEE Center parking deck agreement struck down again, this time with numbers

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

#10) Found out commissioners have to deal with crazy people on a regular basis. #9) Clay Boardman moved in next door. Decided neighborhood had gone to hell and moved to the river.

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Top Ten Conspiracy Theories On Why Lori Davis Chose not To Run For Richmond County Commission

Lori Davis bows out of commission race.

down

Lori Davis bows out of commission race.

#8) Began to feel that when Fred Russell was staring into his Blackberry he could see into her soul. #7)Too busy writing about herself in the third person to mount an effective campaign. #6) Was informed by elections board she couldn’t pay filing fee with “unbridled rage.” #5) Came to the realization that “those people” are the ones she would have to convince to vote for her. #4)Planning for her upcoming career change from angry ranter to angry libelous ranter. #3)Was under the impression that Bonnie Ruben was going to bankroll her campaign. #2) Feels she can make a larger number of people uncomfortable from the stands than the podium. And the #1 reason why Lori Davis chose not to run for Richmond County Commission… The damn black choppers!

800,000 monthly unique visitors. And who exactly is counting? The CSRA has a population of 543,738 men, women and children. The counties included in the CSRA are Burke, Columbia, Glascock, Hancock, Jefferson, Jenkins, Lincoln, McDuffie, Richmond, Taliaferro, Warren, Washington and Wilkes. The cities are Appling, Augusta, Avera, Bartow, Blythe, Camak, Crawfordville, Davisboro, Dearing, Deepstep, Evans, Girard, Grovetown, Harlem, Harrison, Hephzibah, Keysville, Lincolnton, Louisville, Martinez, Midville, Millen, Norwood, Oconee, Rayle, Riddleville, Sandersville, Sardis, Sharon, Sparta, Stapeleton, Tennille, Thomson, Tignall, Videttte, Wadley, Warrenton, Washington, Waynesboro and Wrens. According to President Adkins over at the daily, the Augusta Chronicle website has over 800,000 unique visitors per month. Remember boys and girls, a “unique visitor” is one person. So not only is every man, woman and child in Appling, Augusta, Avera, Bartow, Blythe, Camak, Crawfordville, Davisboro, Dearing, Deepstep, Evans, Girard, Grovetown, Harlem, Harrison, Hephzibah, Keysville, Lincolnton, Louisville, Martinez, Midville, Millen, Norwood, Oconee, Rayle, Riddleville, Sandersville, Sardis, Sharon, Sparta, Stapeleton, Tennille, Thomson, Tignall, Videttte, Wadley, Warrenton, Washington, Waynesboro and Wrens going to their site each month, an additional quarter million more people are as well. We’re not questioning the veracity of those claims. Of course we wouldn’t question anything the AC claims. Especially with the international explosion of downtown Augusta’s “hyper local community paper” which reported in its pages months ago that people in over 500 cities in the continental United States of America, as well in over 625 foreign countries, read each issue of their paper. As the titans of American newspapers grapple with the decline in readership of the traditional printed product, you can take it to the bank that they are accurate, honest and truthful when discussing their web-based lifeboat. 4

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

GRUp Think Apparently, changing the name of MCG to GHSU, taking control of the most valuable undeveloped piece of property on the Savannah River, gobbling up Augusta State University, putting the brakes on a private venture that would have brought a Walmart to 15th Street, altering the Augusta power structure faster than anyone since Oglethorpe — all that we let slide. But name the new combined university for those bastard regents?!!? Oh, hell no! That man gonna haftta load up the truck and move back to Beverly Hills. It’s strange what people feel is important. Or is it that they focus on what they think they have control over, like naming things? Sure, GRU has all the appeal of an Eastern European intelligence agency, but for many, the time for outrage passed a long time ago. That train is out of the station.

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The Good News keeps a’comin’! A couple of weeks ago, we shared an onslaught of emails aimed at a local resident who had the good misfortune of being mentioned in the daily. This makes the seventh email since the piece appeared. To protect the identity of the target, we have changed it to Lee Anderson. ----- Forwarded Message ----From: Robert Roscoe <Robert.roscoe@thatsgreatnews.com> To: info@voteleeanderson.com Sent: Tuesday, August 7, 2012 8:54 AM Subject: Fake Facebook page depicts 12th District candidate in obscene manner

Over Before It Began Community activist Lori Davis has dropped out of the District 1 commission race before it even began. On the first day of qualifying, her camp sent a press release blaming in part the racial divide in her district for her bowing out. “Unfortunately, the politics of racial division have become the default mode for certain candidates and their political allies. I refuse to stoop to that level,” Davis said in the release. On the Augusta Today FaceBook page where the news broke, she and her husband put finer points on it. “Lori and I weren’t about to spend the next three months explaining why we aren’t racists,” hubby Roger Davis posted on the page. And that’s fair, because no one wants to do that. But the concern’s probably warranted, too, because when you’re a candidate for political office and you drop

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gems like “It’s hard to accept the fact that people of your own race want you to fail,” as Lori Davis posted on the page, you’re bound to be answering a bunch of those questions. Lori and her husband probably aren’t racists, but you’ve got to have a pretty good filter when speaking or posting in social media. And when you even insinuate that you deserve support based solely on your skin color, those accusations are going to fly. It is always funny when politicians talk a racial divide but in nearly the same breath — whether intentionally or not — make that gulf wider. As to whether or not a conservative Republican can win in that predominantly liberal Democratic district, we won’t know. But the Insider knows this: Davis would have made for a much more interesting Augusta Commission.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Life, Friends, is Sh*t We Must Not Say So

In 1967, literary critic Al Alvarez interviewed maniac poet and Received Pronunciation enthusiast John Berryman in Dublin, during the latter’s Guggenheimfunded sabbatical there. Berryman was, incidentally, using the time to write the “His Toy, His Dream, His Rest” section of the Pulitzer Prize-winning “Dream Songs.” Amidst many cigarettes, drunken gesticulating and snuff-quality audio, Berryman gives probably my favorite quote ever, regarding poetry, socio-cultural interactions or anything else. Discussing a biography he’d written on Stephen Crane, Berryman had the following to say: “Crane’s irony and grotesquerie were forms of response to things so ghastly, that you cannot respond to them directly.” For Berryman, the phrases “hopeless solitude” and “the world as it is” are equitable. Ours is an existence so slap-full of tension and — at the risk of courting melodrama — despair, that direct engagement with these forces is an exercise in futility. Meeting them head-on, we cast ourselves in the role of whetstone to their debilitating potency. It’s why we tell jokes at funerals, and why we let “Saturday Night Live” make fun of our idiot politicians instead of burning them in effigy. We actually tried that a few times, I think, but Newt Gingrich’s effigy took weeks to burn out, Santorum’s smelled awful and everyone within a two-mile radius suffered from OxyContin withdrawals after Rush Limbaugh’s last ember smoldered. Okay, serious face again. With regards to that quote, I had a topic for this week all picked out: Mitt Romney’s safest and/or craziest potential vice presidential picks. I was going to point out the fact that, no matter which direction his campaign goes, it’s going to be totally predictable: the safe route (Pawlenty, Rubio, etc.) reinforces his sickeningly milquetoast image, while a hard left turn (Sarah Palin, Ken Jennings) would only lend credence to the assertion that the Romney campaign is discombobulated, reactionary and is on the level of Scientology with the whole making-shit-up-as-we-go theme. That column was to serve a threefold purpose: 1) I actually planned for it, so it would get me in under deadline for once, 2) I would get a chance to have some fun after a week in which so many of humanity’s turds came bubbling to the surface and 3) I would, again as per the quote, get to lay into something that pisses me off to no end — the fact that Mitt Romney has an honest-to-Odin, albeit slim, shot at becoming our president — with laxity, humor and maybe even a bit of actual wit and insight. And stirfry was for dinner. All in all, the weekend was looking up. And then Sunday happened. I’m not going to go into details. It’s approaching midnight here on August 5, and by the time this goes to print, you’ll have read everything there is to read about the horrifying incident that took place in Oak Creek, Wisc., not two hours from where my fiancée and I live. The timing presents a dilemma: either do the original column and risk minimizing the impact of the shooting-related installment when it runs in two weeks, or totally scrap the original plans and see where this — a cocktail of shock, numbness, depression and a little boxed malbec — takes me. It has gotten past the point — actually, we’ve long since been past the point — of wondering how we are supposed to keep addressing things like this. I wrote briefly about this in a recent column (regarding the shooting during the “Dark Knight Rises” showing in Colorado), but it bears repeating: Nothing is going to be done about gun control unless someone, from either party, mans the f*ck up and takes some serious, probably controversial, action towards making it a hell of a lot harder for the average Joe to obtain firearms.

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METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Yes, I’m aware that many criminals acquire firearms and other weapons through illegal channels and means. I’m aware that bad people exist and, were it not for the lackadaisical regulations supposedly curtailing the purchase of dangerous weapons, they would still exist. People, in general, suck. Some just suck graphically, cosmically harder than others. But here’s the thing: after barely a day’s worth of investigation, both shooters — Aurora and Oak Creek — were found to have purchased their weapons legally. The NRA says that “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people,” but, in the words of one of our foremost social critics (I say that only a quarter-jokingly), Eddie Izzard: “I think the gun helps.” Truly, a dead-eyed, orange-haired lunatic walking into a theater and punching a bunch of people would still be a weirdly jarring, unsettling event, but it would scarcely crack the local headlines. This incident, like so many others before it, raises an intimidating, inconvenient multitude of issues, of which gun control is only one. Preliminary reports tell us that the shooter was not only an active member of various white supremacist organizations, but that he was a former soldier, stationed at Fort Bragg, no less, and was in fact denied a third tour of duty — due to a noticeable degree of mental instability. Where is the rigorous mental health care contingencies that should be provided free of charge for our veterans? Something turned up on this man’s last militaryconducted psychological profile that didn’t quite add up. And he was simply cut loose. Just like that. I mean… holy shrieking Jesus. Can we at least get a mandate for a follow-up or something? My dentist schedules me for my next checkup as soon as he’s done cleaning my teeth, and I haven’t had so much as a cavity, ever. Are our military doctors really that much more careless than a fluoride treatment? Most disturbingly, this tragedy once again underscores our hulking desensitization towards these types of events. 9/11’s impact was tremendous, but mostly because it was a direct attack on our home soil from a foreign-based military body, something that had not happened in 60 years up to that point. And I think we may have used up our national empathy reserves on that one, because things like this — Columbine, Aurora and now Oak Creek — are happening on a fairly consistent basis, while our national dialogue goes through the motions of grief and outrage, all the while buying time until the controversy subsides. Politically, I get it. It’s a tricky tightrope, and you don’t want to grossly alienate any one demographic. But my god… when is enough enough? When will we reach the point that mandates actual, difficult discussion on the topic at hand? A high-level political assassination? Another domestic terror attack? Both sides love to crow about the infringement on our national, cultural rights perpetuated by the “other.” And how convenient. The fact of the matter is this: Tragedy in this country is an olive branch made of plastic and wax. It promises, symbolizes multitudes, but delivers nil. It is a symptom of our collective hubris overshadowing a sense of common decency, not to mention the self-evident right to not get shot in the face. We do not, we cannot, engage these things directly. For Berryman, it produced a tortured genius. For the rest of us: torture.

JOSHRUFFIN, a Metro Spirit alum, is a published journalist and poet who just

received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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AUSTIN RHODES Dr. Azziz: Cool or Stool?

What in the hell is wrong with the political leadership in Augusta? Our leaders seem to be able to tackle serious, complicated issues with a decent record of success, but when it comes to equally important, yet simple things, they often turn into blithering idiots. The mayor can ask for and receive public support to build major public facilities, no small task in this day and age, yet completely disengage from the process of oversight, construction management and fiscal forensics involving god-awful cost overruns that make headlines for months. Why? The sheriff can maintain a great staff of street cops and investigators and remain politically popular in a racially polarized community, yet he can’t bring himself to publicly endorse his obviously best qualified successor, putting the department at serious risk to be taken over by a chronically flawed candidate. Ostensibly because he is afraid he is going to “hurt someone’s feelings.” Seriously? And then we have the new head of the area’s most important and prestigious institution of higher learning. Dr. Ricardo Azziz has been in place during the most interesting and potentially explosive 10 months of the last 100 years of GHSU (MCG). While other state-funded colleges are under orders to contract, he launches a consolidation that will keep his school, and Augusta State University, growing and vital in the new millennia. A merged entity that will likely expand into a moribund downtown district, and perhaps be the spark plug needed for permanent revitalization in the urban district. The self-professed arbiter of what is and isn’t “cool” then promptly takes what could be a Cadillac of economic development, and smears the pristine body with a dingy brown paint, made of little more than his own vinegar and bulls**t. All over what should be an easy and pleasant process to name the new school. Azziz is right when he says the new institution is going to be all that and a bag of chips, but he is as wrong as a man can be for foisting the name Georgia Regents University on a community of supporters and taxpayers who clearly wanted no part of it. If the popularity of that name was to be ranked in local context, it would poll somewhere just below Regency Mall and somewhere just above Renaldo Rivera. It’s a bad name. It is like Azziz has taken a beautiful new baby and stuck it with the name Poop Stain. More troubling than that, he was lying to you when he did it. For the good doctor to suggest even for a moment that he was interested in public input into the process is disingenuous at best, and an actionable case of fraud at the worst. If you have not heard, lawyers are looking to get involved in this thing next, and I, for one, hope it happens. There would be nothing more entertaining to see Azziz have to testify under oath about this process under the threat of perjury. If he thought he was going to get through this act of sheer arrogance easily, I would suggest he is a candidate for a bed at Georgia Regional, or whatever it is they call that place these days.

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. 9AUGUST2012

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ERICJOHNSON

Planning for the Ironman

Exhaustive effort brings together multiple agencies and over 1,000 volunteers

Though this year’s ESi Ironman 70.3 Augusta triathlon, which will be held on Sunday, September 30, might seem like a long way out, for the small group of Augustans coordinating the event, the race has been just around the corner ever since the last runner crossed the finish line last year. With 3,200 athletes and 1,000 volunteers, the sense of urgency that surrounds such a large and ambitious event never really lets up, and this year that urgency is dialed up a notch since a key member of the Augusta Sports Council team, Events Manager Randy DuTeau, will be participating. “I’m just doing the bike leg,” he says. “I’m not He-Man enough to do all those other pieces yet.” Still, the bike portion he’s committed to is 56 miles. Completing the race, local coach and triathlete Jim Christian will handle the 1.2 mile swim portion and a friend from Atlanta will do the running — all 13.1 mile’s worth. Though it might seem reckless for DuTeau to be on his bike during an event of such magnitude, he feels the race has matured to the point where he can do it. “The event has gone on three years, and right from the get-go our team, in support with the race owners, has done a really excellent job in terms of providing all the necessary support,” he says. “The World Triathlon Corporation (WTC) has a new race director who really understands the system, so we felt comfortable enough to hand it all to them and let me go out and race my bike.” Though it encompasses so much, the relationship between the Augusta Sports Council and the WTC is fairly simple. “We have the box of Legos and we separate all the colors and then they come in and put it all together,” he says. “It just seems to work out really well.” That might be a bit of an understatement, considering what the Sports Council contributes. “We’re considered the Local Organizing Committee,” says Executive Director Brinsley Thigpen. “We have responsibilities contractually with the WTC for things that we have to do here in Augusta.” One of the reasons the Augusta event has been so successful, she says, is the fact that Augusta has a strong, independent sports council. 8

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

“A lot of sports councils or commissions are part of the Convention and Visitors Bureaus, so they’re very interested in those hotel nights,” Thigpen says. “We are, too, but we’re more interested in bettering the city of Augusta through quality events.” Their ability to successfully manage an event was confirmed last year, when they signed a contract to host the event through 2014. “It’s always a piece of paper before it’s in a river or on a bike or in your running shoes,” Thigpen says. DuTeau’s ride isn’t just satisfying his desire to participate, however. The team believes they will learn a lot from having a representative competing side by side with the other athletes. “One of the things we pride ourselves on is customer service,” DuTeau says. “In a lot of ways, that’s what we do, so to be able to see what it’s like from the other side, I think, will be a unique perspective. Not only will the things we see help this event, but I think it will help for all the events.” The Augusta Sports Council supports upwards of 60 events a year, so that perspective should definitely be a benefit, not that they’re not already analyzing everything already. The Ironman has become Augusta’s second signature event behind the Masters, and they’re not about to take that for granted, which is why they start so early and work so thoroughly. “After we recover from the event on Monday, we like to start again, because we’re all geeks like that,” DuTeau says. In addition to Thigpen and DuTeau, there is only Carly Kobasiar, who handles sales and marketing, and newly hired Kaley Parker, who will serve as the race’s volunteer coordinator. “We fill about 1,100 volunteer positions,” Kobasiar says. “It’s probably 900 individual people — a lot of people do multiple shifts — but either way it’s pretty 9AUGUST2012

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huge.” While certainly at an advantage by having those relationships already established from other events in the community, Kobasiar says the Ironman Foundation has a grant program geared toward nonprofits that is a big help. “That’s a great way to get church groups, the rugby club and sports organizations and nonprofits that are looking to put some extra money in their pockets,” she says. Besides the big groups, they have a lot of independent volunteers who join though word of mouth, because of social media or because they have family members participating and want to contribute while waiting for them to finish. In addition to the volunteers, 350 to 450 of whom come from Fort Gordon to serve as course marshals, the event brings together several different agencies from across the CSRA. “There are just so many agencies that have their hands in this,” DuTeau says. “In the river, you’ve got the Army Corps of Engineers, you’ve got the U.S. Coast Guard and you’ve got the Department of Natural Resources for Georgia and South Carolina.” And that’s just the water. “For the bike course, it’s two states, two counties, five police jurisdictions, including the Savannah River Site, and Georgia and South Carolina Departments of Transportation.” They also utilize approximately 150 law enforcement officers and a massive medical team, all of which must be coordinated. The initial preparation proved challenging, but ultimately rewarding. “In some ways, we kind of went in blind because we’d never hosted anything like that before,” DuTeau says. “After the event — and it went really, really well — I think we all really appreciated the fact that all of these agencies still liked each other. Instead of seeing some kind of pushback, they were like, ‘Okay — now that we’ve seen it, what can we do to tighten it up?’” Now, with a few years under their belts, they can work on smaller and smaller details and it doesn’t take as long to do it. In fact, last year’s final all agency meeting, in which representatives from every agency involved in the event get together to go over the plan, lasted all of 20 minutes. “The WTC people, especially the ones who hadn’t worked the event before, were like ‘That’s it?’” DuTeau chuckles. “Then, you get to race day, and it’s like — bam! It works.” As the community counts down to the eventful weekend, the Metro Spirit will continue to examine individual aspects of the planning and organization in order to present a comprehensive look at what has become a weekend of international exposure.

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ERICJOHNSON

Fun with Paddles

Riverkeeper’s Paddlefest offers competition, laughs and a clear route through the shoals If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to paddle a kayak down the Savannah River — or a canoe, or a standup paddleboard or even a homemade raft — Tonya Bonitatibus has a deal for you. “So many people in Augusta only use the canal when it comes to canoeing and kayaking and paddleboarding,� she says. “That’s one of the strongest things about Paddlefest — it’s an excellent time to go out and learn the route through the river.� Bonitatibus runs the Savannah Riverkeeper, a nonprofit advocacy group whose sole purpose is to watch over the water quality of the Savannah River and to protect those who rely on that water. Paddlefest, which occurs Saturday, August 11, is its biggest fundraiser. Part race, part lazy day on the water and part raucous outdoor celebration, it’s got something for everyone who enjoys the Augusta outdoors. For the competitive, the canoe and kayak race starts at 8:30 a.m. at the Savannah Rapids Pavilion, while the standup paddleboard race begins at 10 a.m. at 5th Street. The homemade raft race also begins at 10 a.m., though they start at Hammonds Ferry in North Augusta. “Everybody ends up at the Boathouse, and after that there’s a big outdoor celebration,� Bonitatibus says. The free festival runs from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., with vendors demonstrating canoes, kayaks and standup paddleboards. There is also a horseshoe and bocce ball tournament, beer and food and music from Jam Sandwich, Allison Foster, Rambling Fevers and Funk You. Bonitatibus hopes people will arrive early and cheer loudly, because the racers — there are 13 different classes — never seem to get that much attention, given everything else that’s going on. The open event is a U.S. Canoe/Kayak sanctioned race, which means competitors travel to town in hopes of earning points nationally. “Those are the guys who can make it all the way from the Savannah Rapids Pavilion to our office in less than an hour,� she says. “The trip takes an average person four.� While some recreational competitors also take the race seriously, many are content to spend a few hours on the water with like-minded people, which makes the event good for novices who are interested in exploring the river, but are intimidated to do it alone. All participants get a map, and there will be buoys set up along the way indicating the route. Contrary to conventional wisdom and first glances, there is a way to make it through without dragging your boat. The route involves hugging the South Carolina shore until reaching what’s known as the Redneck Riviera. “When you can see the Redneck Riviera, that’s when you cut across to the Georgia side,� she says. From there, it’s another quick turn back to the South Carolina side, where boaters stay for the rest of the way down. “It’s counterintuitive,� she says. “You want to go straight, but that’s just a really bad way to go.� According to Bonitatibus, the City of Augusta contacted the Savannah Riverkeeper six or seven years ago with the idea of bringing back the Great Savannah Raft Race,

which at its peak in the 1960s and 1970s drew hundreds of competitors. The race was dropped in the 1980s because it had become less about the boats than the drinking. Now, combined with the additional races, the homemade raft race draws between 35 and 40 rafts. “Out of all the rest of them, that’s the one I want to grow the most,� she says. “Because it’s really such a cool team-building piece, not to mention it’s just hilarious.� In the past they’ve had everything from the Loch Ness monster with smoke coming out of its mouth to Viking ships to bicycles mounted onto paddlewheels that just sit there in the middle of the river, spinning. Her favorite, she says, was from a lady who used to own a coffee shop in Augusta and was angry at the city for not allowing her to recycle her plastic containers. “She kept them for a whole month and tied them together and wrapped yoga mats around them,� she says. “It was her way of showing how much waste there was.� Those who have participated before will notice a format change this year. Rather

than costing $35 to participate, this year it will cost $25, though the fee no longer gets you the T-shirt and a meal. That doesn’t mean participants will walk away with just memories, however. Winners will receive a handmade paddle and all the other participants will receive a goodie bag with a year’s membership to the Riverkeeper, which itself is worth $35. Rafts are $25 for the first two people and then $10 a person after that. And though the rafts are reserved for the not always handy DIY crowd (Bonitatibus stresses the rule of thumb that a five gallon bucket will hold 55 pounds), canoes, kayaks and standup paddleboards are available for rent by visiting the event’s website at paddlefestga.com.

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ERICJOHNSON

Apples to Apples

TEE Center parking deck agreement struck down again, this time with numbers The management agreement for the TEE Center parking deck was up for commission approval once again and once again it failed to gain approval. Only this time, the brush back seemed to come with a little substance. Commissioner Joe Bowles pulled out his accountant’s pencil, did some figuring and showed the rest of the commission what he found. Taking his papers to the projector so everyone in the commission chambers could see, he pointed to a section of the agreement that supposedly showed Augusta Riverfront LLC’s rent offsetting their income. “That’s flat out incorrect,” he said. “That $50,000 is coming out of the base rent, so it’s coming out before net income is derived.” That may have been accountant talk to many in the chambers, but he continued showing numbers that seemed to support his argument that the agreement proposed by Riverfront LLC was a good one… for Riverfront LLC. “You’ve got $50,000 of income for Riverfront LLC and you’ve got $16,000 of income for the city of Augusta, who built the deck and who is responsible for any losses,” he said. “That’s not a partnership, Mr. Mayor. That’s handing it to the taxpayers of Augusta.” Several commissioners have been critical of the agreement hammered out between the city and Riverfront LLC, but most of the criticism has been unfocused and vague. A good deal of it still centers around the complex financial dealings surrounding the air rights issue and the idea of criminal wrongdoing, which has made headlines and delayed the agreement, but has failed to make much of an impact. Bowles, however, calmly let his numbers do the talking. “The previous contracts were a share where the city gets 70 percent and the

9AUGUST2012

management company gets 30 percent, which would have given Augusta $160,000 and the management company $43,000,” he said. “You look at what’s being proposed — we both get $123,000, even though the taxpayers of Augusta funded this facility.” Paul Simon was scheduled to appear earlier in the meeting, but he emailed Clerk of Commission Lena Boner requesting his request to speak be deleted from the agenda. Speaking for many on the commission, Bowles expressed further disapproval for the way the negotiations have been handled, particularly the way requested information was not delivered in a useable form. “This is the kind of comparison we all need to see — and I think it was requested to see them side by side,” he said. “Instead, we get numbers that are more of a shell game. I’m sick of spending time on weekends going through all of this, fighting for the taxpayers of Augusta, when this body requested comparisons and we’ve never really gotten an apples to apples comparison.” He gave his papers to Administrator Fred Russell while Mayor Deke Copenhaver suggested another work session. Similarly aggressive, Commissioner Wayne Guilfoyle took issue with attorney Jim Plunkett. “I had numerous meetings with our outside attorney, and I just don’t get the answers I need to hear,” he said. “I just don’t get what I should be hearing.” He also didn’t feel the deal was an equitable one. “I know that a contract should be a compromise where both sides come together and meet in the middle,” he said. “I’m not saying I’m not for this parking deck, but until we get this agreement in order, I won’t be moving forward with it, either.”

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ERICJOHNSON

Trailhead

Columbia County looks to turn Greenspace into a cross county trail

Columbia County has been quietly acquiring land for a trail that will stretch from Riverside Park to Grovetown. Thanks to an agreement with a local developer, a prototype section of the trail already exists, and the county plans to use a $250,000 Georgia Department of Transportation (GDOT) grant to link it to the already established trail in Grovetown. Such a plan didn’t appear overnight, however. Over the last six or seven years, the county’s Greenspace Advisory Board has been acquiring land along the Euchee Creek corridor with the hopes of creating this linked trail system, called the Euchee Creek Greenway Trail, a 23-mile, $20 million project leaders hope will help make Columbia County a more desirable place to live. According to Barry Smith, director of the Community and Leisure Services division, the prototype trail section was built behind Canterbury Farms subdivision on Chamblin Road about two years ago. “It’s a great example of the specifications that we’re wanting to do,” Smith says. “A concrete trail that will meander through forestland.” In this case, the county purchased the land with SPLOST money and the developer built the trail. “He added a lot of money to it and built this wonderful prototype,” Smith says. 12 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Having a robust greenway system is considered an indicator of the kind of forwardlooking community people are anxious to relocate to, which is one of the reasons the county has been devoting so much attention to the trail. “If you investigate progressive communities with tremendous quality of life, you’ll certainly see that a trail system or a greenway or a bike path — an alternative route of transportation — is included in the planning,” Smith says. When the county put together its Recreation Master Plan, surveys found that a 9AUGUST2012

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greenway was a desirable amenity that citizens wanted introduced in the county. The Columbia County Greenspace Program began in 2002. “The governor then had a greenspace program and we were bestowed $1.1 million one year and something similar after,” he says. “It was for fast-growing communities to preserve land and put it in permanent protection.” With a portion of that money, the county purchased some initial land along Euchee Creek as well as other places, notably the geologically significant Heggies Rock, which was a partnership with the Nature Conservancy out of Atlanta, and 52 acres behind the Rivershire subdivision. As the program matured, the Greenspace Advisory Board began narrowing its focus, attempting to consolidate the land around the Euchee Creek corridor. The ultimate goal of the greenspace program is for 20 percent of the county’s total acreage to be set aside in greenspace, which for Columbia County figures out to be about 30,100 acres. Currently, the county is approaching 12,000 acres. It’s advantageous to plan a greenspace trail for less developed areas, Smith says, because locating a trail where subdivisions are going to be is less costly and less controversial than trying to retrofit an existing subdivision. Rivershire, for example, expressed some reluctance with the idea of a public trail cutting through the private subdivision, which is why Smith decided to apply the grant to connect the Grovetown trail to the Canterbury Farm trail. There, the developers of Creek Bend and Indian Springs favored the idea, and he hopes to capitalize on that enthusiasm. “This is giving us a show and tell project,” he says. “I think the main thing that I’m most excited about is, instead of being resistant to a wonderful greenway, these developers are embracing it.” The two developers each donated the land and the county is then applying the $250,000 grant plus $400,000 of SPLOST money earmarked for greenway to build the connector to the Grovetown trail. According to Grovetown Administrator Shirley Beasley, the Grovetown trails are about 10 years old. “The original trail is the one between Harlem Grovetown Road and Wrightsboro Road,” she says. “It’s been done basically in segments and we’re working on Phase Three right now, which is across Harlem Grovetown Road going back to Reynolds Farm Road.” Beasley says that trail will eventually connect to the existing trail, though not immediately. As for the maintenance, Smith is anxious to avoid that if possible. “The stewardship aspect of it — we’re hoping the subdivisions themselves will take care of it, which Canterbury Farms embraced right away,” he says. “Of course, if a 9AUGUST2012

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Come in for a tour TODAY!

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big tree goes down, we would definitely go out and get that up.� Any law enforcement issues will be handled by the Sheriff’s Department, but Smith says those should be very unlikely. “Generally on greenways, you’re attracting more of an outdoor-related person,� he says. “Statistically, greenways don’t attract crime.� Though initially reluctant, Smith says developers are beginning to view trail systems as amenities — selling points for an increasingly urbanized world. “I think this project will be a great marketing tool for the county to show that a greenway is wanted,� he says. And having land, the master plan and the cooperation of developers could also make it easier to win grant money down the road. Because the DOT is involved, the current project is likely a year from beginning. Any time the DOT is involved, there are lots of time-consuming environmental assessments to be done, and because additional phases will require bridges across Euchee Creek, completion of the entire trail will likely take at least 10 years to complete. “It’s a big, big vision that’s beginning to come into being, he says.

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;/, 46:; *64465 .667,673, 4(2, >/,5 9,73(*05. ;/,09 ( *

GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D

Cats on the Internet Make Everyone Feel Better

Cat Immersion Project — One of the most heart-wrenching situations that anyone may see is to watch a child endure the treatment of cancer. In addition to the direct side effects, cancer treatments often create a weakened immune system. These kids usually spend extended periods away from the things they love. Take for instance the recent story of 16-year-old Maga Barzalla Sockemtickem. Maga spent more than seven months at Seattle Children’s Hospital waiting for a bone marrow donor, eventually receiving the transplant. During the post-transplant treatment, she was isolated to her room and cut off from one of her most beloved companions, her cat Merry. Her caregivers hit the internet in an effort to help Maga. Via Facebook, they asked the world to send in their favorite cat pictures. The world responded with 3,000 pictures, which the hospital compiled into what they called the Cat Immersion Project. After some creative engineering, Maga viewed the compilation on bedsheets formed into a tent above her bed. “You guys remind me that there is so much good in the world, and its just makes me feel so much better, and connected,” Maga said in response to the outpouring of support. “I can’t tell you how it feels sometimes, feeling disconnected and cut off from the world, and then with something like cat pictures bringing me back. Thank you all for your kind words, and well wishing. It means more then you can ever know. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you...” Check out the video on You Tube; search “Cat Immersion Project” or go to http://bit.ly/PmcpFq. Die, Printer, Die! — From my observations of computer users, tech support and business managers, I have arrived at the conclusion that the single most despised piece of IT equipment is the printer. Simply put, no matter what you seem to do, printers remain a pain in the butt. Nothing ever prints correctly the first time, ink is incredibly expensive and everything that is successfully printed is tossed within five minutes after use. Unfortunately, the innumerable attempts at a paperless office or online photo albums have not been able to provide the utility of a simple piece of hardcopy. Good news may be on the way, however. A recent research note by Deutsche Bank analyst Chris Whitmore titled “Dead-tree format is dying” illustrates that a slow and steady demise of the printer has been transpiring for a while. According to his statistics, combined printer supplies and hardware demand declined by 6 percent per year over the last 10 quarters. In addition, paper demand peaked in 2006 and has declined each year since. Paper demand is currently about 20 percent below the 2006 peak. Most of the decline is attributed to tablets and smartphone use (duh). I just call it progress. Back to Mars — While all the kids in town are getting ready to head back to school, the rocket scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory are headed back to Mars. Last Sunday night, the NASA Curiosity rover landed, starting one of the most ambitious Mars missions to date. The one-ton rover is about the size of a compact car and is the heaviest payload ever landed on Mars. Expect a steady release of high-resolution pictures over the next couple of weeks as the rover goes through its checkout sequence. After the sequence is complete, off to Mt. Sharp where scientist hope to find evidence of microbial life. For more information on the Curiousity rover, go the the NASA-JPL site, http://mars.jpl.nasa.gov/msl/. The site is really outstanding and kid friendly. The landing sequence for this rover is insane (even by rocket scientist standards), and the JPL site has a great web animation of the sequence. (Note to aspiring web designers... you need to figure out how to do this!) Until next week, I’m off the grid. @gregory_a_baker GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. 9AUGUST2012

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DEBUT PROMOS AT THE WORLD’S FAIR By Kevin G. Der / Edited by Will Shortz

91 Battalions, e.g. 94 “Fairgoers may be in for a shock” (St. Louis, 1904) 97 “Starting a giant revolution at the fairgrounds” (Chicago, 1893) 103 Winter reading, say 104 Pothook shape 105 Santa ___ 106 Muck 107 Fly without power 109 One that’s hard to get ahold of? 111 It may receive a few pointers 113 Hullabaloo 114 Densest natural element 117 “Getting fairgoers moving on the right track” (Paris, 1900) 119 “Now showing our big vision of the future” (Osaka, 1970) 122 Pop ___ 123 Continue after landing 124 Designer Pucci 125 Source of the Hulk’s power 126 Bull run participant? 127 “Shepherd Moons” Grammy winner 128 Remove from the stock exchange 129 ___ Daddy (N.B.A. nickname) Down 1 City where Cézanne was born 2 Bengalese wrap 3 Sermon leader 4 Retreats 5 Like hams 6 Eggnog ingredient 7 “Gross!” 8 Full of life 9 Mussorgski’s “Bilder ___ Ausstellung” 10 Judge to be suitable 11 Bistro dessert 12 First-year law student 13 ’Fore 14 Faulkner’s alma mater 15 “High Hopes” lyricist Sammy 16 Greek squares 17 Pull through 18 Hunt for food 24 Colorful parrot 26 Small garden 29 Game with Wild cards 33 Sea snail 35 Lay away 36 Neighbor of Draco and Hercules 37 Met somebody?

39 40 42 43 45 46 50 51 53 54 55 57 58 60 61 62 64 67 68 70 71 72 75 78 80 81 82 84 85 89 92 93 95 96 97

Sweet-talk, say Firenze’s place Part of many a bistro’s name Tennis player’s asset Group in many a park Small energy boost? ___ Piper Part of summer in Santiago 2004 Will Smith animated film Deer hunter Online deluge Aristotle’s “fifth element” Extinguish Fiji alternative Mezzo-soprano in “Don Carlos” Onetime subject of the Mongols “Have ___ day” Fightin’ Viva ___ Lamar of the N.B.A. Ready to move Fight Pore over Divide When some lunches end Go well together “Gross!” See 115-Down Some allergy sources Nastygrams Actor Bruce Sequester Single-issue publication 1972 Bill Withers hit Act like an expert without being one 98 “Romanian Rhapsodies” composer 99 Bad blood 100 Female counselor 101 Antiquity, once 102 Like some ponds 108 Van ___ of “Timecop” 110 Ones with fictional accounts 112 “Small” prefix 113 Far from aerodynamic 114 Williams of the Temptations 115 With 84-Down, a Pac-12 team 116 “Big” prefix 118 Beach souvenir? 120 Year Claudius I became emperor 121 Course list abbr.

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C H I A P A N Z A T T E R H I B A U N A M R T B O H R L A T I E D U C B E C L A R R E G E C A R W H I T S E N E

S L A T

T A N A K P A A N A T C H H A E T W N A E S H A I T H T E E N C A

O P T S T H E U D T I A R I T R E S T R E S A H O Y E L I S L A N D D M V I A D E N N A V R E R A I L C O I A M T W A S V E S P Y D I E A D I N C A R D A N T O D A Y C

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25 28

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PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

Across 1 One of six World Cup qualifying zones 5 Tickles 11 Visit 15 Summer getaway 19 Pedigree alternative 20 Relative of a crow 21 Shade darker than azure 22 Gelatin substitute 23 “Get an inside look at our booth” (Buffalo, 1901) 25 “Come by and chat at our booth” (Philadelphia, 1876) 27 White Rabbit’s song in “Alice in Wonderland” 28 Do a pit job 30 Early 20th-century Modernist 31 Whiz 32 Two-time world figure skating champ Slutskaya 33 Card 34 Back 35 Thruway warning 38 Double-check, in a way 41 “You’ve gotta get your hands on this” (Knoxville, 1982) 44 “Puts the keys of the future at your fingertips” (Philadelphia, 1876) 47 Inclusive pronoun 48 Russian city and oblast 49 Thompson of “Family” 50 Day spa treatment 52 Ones with natural curls? 56 Veteran’s award 59 “Bring your dogs to our booth” (Philadelphia, 1876) 63 Queens neighborhood 65 Dove’s sign 66 Grand ___ 67 Transcript meas. 69 “The fair’s toughest man alive” (New York City, 1939) 73 Run into 74 Energizes 76 Ore. neighbor 77 Just for giggles 79 “Get the scoop on our new handheld offering” (St. Louis, 1904) 83 Bob Marley tune made popular by Johnny Nash 86 “Quo Vadis” role 87 Swarm 88 Incredulous reply 90 It’s unavoidable

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A P P D O I A R N A G H T R I A O T O H E F M B P E E E N A R D S I T S N I K A G R A N N A G E A S I A L A R R S P O N

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Dancer Kathryn McCormick, an Augusta native made famous on “So You Think You Can Dance” and currently starring in “Step Up Revolution,” will sign autographs on Friday, August 10, from 8:30-10 p.m. at Casa Blanca Cafe in suppor t of I’m Aware, a nonprofit organization that aims to raise awareness of and stop human trafficking. $5. Call 706-5043431 or visit casablancatime.com.

ENTERTAIN

ME

Arts

Painters Freddie Flynt and Tricia Mayers exhibit their work at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through August 31. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Semifours Trombone, is Monday, August 13, at 7 p.m. at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken. Participants should bring lawn chairs and blankets. Free. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hamburg: The Forgotten Town, an historical exhibit on the town which flourished on the South Carolina banks near the modern Fifth Street Bridge, shows through August 24 at the Arts & Heritage Center of North Augusta. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Literary

ACA Summer Camp Exhibition, featuring the works of participants in the center’s summer art camps, shows through August at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

Charmain Brackett, author of “The Key of Elyon,” visits the Headquarters Branch Library Saturday, August 11, from 1:30-3 p.m. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Active-duty military personnel and their families will receive free admission to the Morris Museum of Art through Sunday, September 2, as part of the museum’s participation in the Blue Star Museum program. Call 706-7247501 or visit themorris.org.

Music

Brown Bag Book Discussion is Thursday, August 16, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library and will discuss “Night Circus” by Erin Morgenstern. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Exhibitions

Number 2 and Number 3, an exhibition by Philip Morsberger and Tom Nakashima, shows August 16-September 13 in the Mary S. Byrd Gallery of Art at ASU. An opening reception will be held Thursday, August 16, at 5 p.m. Call 706-667-4888 or visit aug.edu.

Twilight Music Series is Saturday, August 11, from 6:30-8:30 p.m., beginning at Patriot Boat Tours behind the Marriott on the Riverwalk. Music by Michael Baideme and Dave Firmin. Participants are invited to bring drinks and dinner. $25, with pre-registration required. Call 803-7309739 or visit patriottourboat.com.

Double Take, a Clay Artists of the Southeast exhibition, shows at Gallery on the Row throughout the month of August. Call 706-724-4989 or visit galleryontherow.com.

Karaoke Contest is Saturday, August 11, at 8 p.m. at the Columbia County Amphitheatre. Event includes beer, wine and prizes for the winners. Free. Call 706-312-7192 or visit columbiacountyga.gov.

Surrealism at Gaartdensity: Works by Brian Stewart and Blaine Prescott shows in August at Gaartdensity Gallery downtown. Call 706-466-5166 or email gaartdensitygallery@rocketmail.com.

Keb’ Mo’, Grammy award winning guitarist and songwriter, appears Sunday, August 12, at 7 p.m. at the Jabez Sanford Hardin Performing Arts Center in Evans. Doors open at 6 p.m. and concertgoers are encouraged to dress in blues-elegant attire and walk the red carpet. $44.50-$49.50. Call 706726-0366 or visit augustaamusements.com.

Augusta ArtWalk, a one-day art show presented in concert with the Commons Jazz Festival on Sunday, September 2, from 2-5 p.m. at the Augusta Common, is looking for artists to display a variety of media, including painting, jewelry, fiber, photography, ceramics and more. Applications, available online are due Wednesday, August 22. Visit gardencityjazz.com. Call for Entries for the Augusta Photo Festival, which is October 27-November 4, is going on now through August 15. For contest rules and more information, visit augustaphotofestival.org/competition.html. Call 706-834-9742 or email info@augustaphotofestival.org.

Social ARTifacts: A World Vision Through Art, shows through September 29 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. Strange Fruit: Lithographs by Joseph Norman is on display at the Morris Museum of Art through September 16. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. 9AUGUST2012

The Columbia County Amateur Series, featuring Bethany Kathleen, Kelsey Gibson and Focus, is Friday, August 10, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Amphitheater. Call 706-868-3349 or visit columbiacountyga.gov.

Rob Foster & Pulsar performs as part of Garden City Jazz’s Candlelight Jazz Series on Sunday, August 12, at the 8th Street River Stage downtown at 8 p.m. $6; free, those 12 and under. Visit gardencityjazz.com. 2012 Hopelands Summer Concert Series, featuring Fort Gordon’s the

Edna Davis, author of “It’s All About Me! Conscious Eater, visits the Headquarters Branch Library on Thursday, August 9, from 7-8:30 p.m. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Book Club meets Thursday, August 16, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library to discuss “Plain Promise” by Beth Wiseman. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. It’s Your Book Club meets Thursday, August 16, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library to discuss “It Worked for Me” by Colin Powell. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Theater

“The Prince Is Giving a Ball,” a production of the Enopion Theatre Company, shows August 9-11, 16-18 and 25 at the Kroc Center. Thursday and Friday shows are at 7 p.m. and Saturday matinees are at 3 p.m. $15, adults; $10, seniors, children 12 and under and groups of 10 or more. Call 706-771-7777 or visit enopion.com. “The Weakest Link… To Murder!,” a murder mystery dinner theater fundraiser for the Aiken Downtown Development Association, is Friday and Saturday, August 10-11, at 6:30 p.m. at Newberry Hall. $50. Call 803649-2221 or visit downtownaiken.com. “November,” a play by David Mamet, shows at Le Chat Noir August 10-11 and 16-18 at 8 p.m. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com. AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Flix

“Beverly Hills Chihuahua” shows at 1 p.m. and “Shaggy Dog” shows at 3 p.m. as part of the Dog Days of Summer Movie Fest at the Aiken Public Library on Friday, August 10. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org. “Hugo” shows Tuesday, August 14, at 5 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library as part of the Family Movie Night series. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. “Carnage” shows Tuesday, August 14, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Free. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Special Events

Saturday, Kroc Center One-Year Anniversary Week Celebration continues through August 11, with events like open house registration for fall arts and education classes on Thursday, August 9, from 5-7 p.m., and a family movie on Saturday, August 11, at 6 p.m. The public is invited to these, as well as a free lunchtime movie shown in the chapel theater Thursday and Friday at 1:30 p.m. Call 706364-KROC or visit krocaugusta.org. Summer Mega-Event is Saturday, August 11, from noon-6 p.m. at Superior Academy, 4158 Washington Road, Evans. The family friendly event will feature free 20-minute classes on self-defense, fitness and salsa dancing, free food and more. Call 706-364-8127 or visit superioracademy.com. Augusta Area Newcomers Club Welcome Coffee for prospective members is Thursday, August 16, at 10 a.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-495-9064, 706-868-3668 or visit augustanewcomers.net. Third Thursday Inshop Tasting is Thursday, August 16, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World in North August. $5, with $3 rebate upon purchase of one of the night’s featured wines. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com. The Augusta Market at the River is every Saturday through October 27 from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the 8th Street Bulkhead and features produce, arts and crafts and more for sale, as well as live music and entertainment. Call 706-627-0128 or visit theaugustamarket.com.

Health

Mobile Mammography Screenings, offered by appointment, are available August 9 at Lincoln County Health Department, August 10 at Christ Community Clinic, August 13 at Walgreens on Wrightsboro Road, August 14 at Edgefield Medical Center, August 15 at Fievet Pharmacy in Washington and August 16 at University Hospital. Appointments can be made from 8 a.m.-3 p.m. each day. Call 706-774-4145 or visit universityhealth.org. Car Sea Class is Thursday, August 9, from 5:45-8 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. $10. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth. org/kids. Bariatric Seminar is Thursday, August 9, from 6-7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Childbirth Tours are Saturday, August 11, from 10:3011:30 a.m. and Tuesday, August 14, from 7:30-8:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Medical Center. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org. Breast Self-Exam Class is Monday, August 13, at 4 p.m. at University Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org. HUG Your Baby, a class that provides help, understanding and guidance for those preparing for the birth of a child, is Monday, August 13, from 4-5 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Total Joint Replacement Education Talk is Tuesday, August 14, from 1:30-3:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Spine Education Class is Tuesday, August 14, at 3:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Childbirth Education 101 is Tuesday, August 14, from 6-8:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta and includes a tour of the Family Focused Childbirth Unit. Pre-registration required. Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Showing and Glowing, a two-session class for those in their second trimesters of pregnancy, meets Tuesdays, August 14 and 21, from 7-9:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, August 16, from 7-9 p.m. at Babies R Us. Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. The Happiest Baby on the Block Educational Session, an infant sleep seminar, is Thursday, August 16, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Support

ALS Support Lunch and Learn meets Thursday, August 9, from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. at GHSU’s Medical Office Building. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2681 or visit georgiahealth.org. Breast Cancer Support Group meets Thursday, August 9, from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-721-4109 or visit georgiahealth.org. Cancer Survivor Support Group meets Thursday, Augusta 9, from 6-7 p.m. at Augusta Oncology Associates. Call 706-651-2283 or visit doctorshospital.net. Brain Injury Support Group meets Thursday, August 9, from 6-7:30 p.m. at NeuroRestorative Georgia. Call 706-829-0370 or visit wrh.org.

Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, August 9, from 6:309:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

PFLAG, a support group for LGBT people and their parents, family, friends and allies, meets Thursday, August 9, at 7 p.m. at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta. Visit pflag.org.

Weight Loss Surgery Seminar is Thursday, August 9, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit georgiahealth.org/weightloss.

Mended Hearts, for those with heart disease and their families, meets Friday, August 10, at 10:30 a.m. at USC-Aiken’s Business Conference Center. Call 803-6482381 or visit aikenregional.com.

Women’s Center Tour is Thursday, August 9, from 7-9:30 p.m. at University Hospital. Free, but preregistration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Pink Magnolias Breast Cancer Support Group meets Monday, August 13, at 6:30 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

Short and Sweet, a weekend childbirth education class, 20 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

is Saturday, August 11, from 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. and Sunday, August 12, from 1-5 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Men’s Breast Cancer Support Group meets Monday, August 13, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 7069AUGUST2012

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774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org. Aiken Cares Alzheimer’s Support Group meets Tuesday, August 14, from 11 a.m.-noon at the Cumberland Village Library. Visit aikenregional.com. Caregiver Support Group meets Tuesday, August 14, from 3-4 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Call 706-651-2283 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Let’s Talk Cancer Support Group meets Tuesday, August 14, from 5:30-7 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-721-0550 or visit georgiahealth.org. Diabetes Support Group meets Tuesday, August 14, from 6-7 p.m. at Health Living Center on the Doctors Hospital campus. Pre-registration required. Call 706651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. OB/GYN Cancer Support Group meets Tuesday, August 14, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-8212944 or visit universityhealth.org. Blood Cancer/BMT Support Group meets Wednesday, August 15, from 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-721-9134, 706-721-1634 or visit georgiahealth.org. Trauma Support Group meets Wednesday, August 15, from noon-1 p.m. at GHSU’s Medical Center. Call 706721-4633, 706-721-3264 or visit georgiahealth.org. Cancer Support Group meets Wednesday, August 15, from noon-1 p.m. at the First Baptist Church’s parlor. Call 803-641-5389 or visit aikenregional.com. Spine Education and Support Group meets Wednesday, August 15, from 1-2:30 p.m. at University Hospital. Visit universityhealth.org. Skip to My Lupus meets Thursday, August 16, from 7-9 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Centers. Call 803-2519413 or visit aikenregional.com.

Education

Computing for Beginners is a three-session class at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library that meets Thursdays, August 9, 16 and 23, at 10 a.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Coupon Classes are Thursday, August 9, at 6 p.m. at Saturday, August 11, at 2 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Creating an Email Account Class is Thursday, August 9, from 6-7:30 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. SRS Public Tours, including an overview presentation, safety briefing, Savannah River Ecology Lab tour and general driving tour, are Tuesday, August 14, from 12:30-4:30 p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 803952-8994 or email laurie.posey@srs.gov. The Dollar Dog Days of Summer goes on throughout the month of August at the Augusta Museum of History. During the month, admission is $1. Call 706722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Benefits

Kathryn McCormick, an Augusta native currently starring in “Step Up: Revolution,� will sign autographs on Friday, August 10, from 8:30-10 p.m. at Casa Blanca Cafe in support of I’m Aware, a nonprofit to stop human trafficking. $5. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com. Summer Dog Wash to benefit the Aiken SPCA is Saturday, August 11, from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at Cold Creek Nursery. Washes start at $15, with ear clean and nail trim available. Call 803-648-663 or visit aikenspca.org. The Cornhole Challenge, a fundraiser for the Augusta 9AUGUST2012

Training Shop, is Saturday, August 11, at 2 p.m. at the James Brown Arena Exhibit Hall. $10. Visit augustatrainingshop.com/cornhole.

Sports-Outdoors

Paddlefest 2012 is Saturday, August 11, at 10 a.m. at the Riverfront Marina. Spectators can watch paddlers, have lunch, try out kayaks and stand-up paddleboards, participate in games and shop. Live music will be provided by Funk You, Allison Foster, the Rambling Fevers and Jam Sandwich. Visit paddlefestga.com. The Augusta GreenJackets play the Lakewood BlueClaws Monday-Wednesday, August 13-15, at 7:05 p.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium. $7-$11. Call 706-7367889 or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com. Couch to 5K program begins Tuesday, August 14, with hour-long workouts twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays at either 6:30 a.m. or 7 p.m. The goal is the participate in the Gasping Gobbler 5K on November 17. $15, members; $30, non-members. Visit thefamilyy.org. Adaptive Golf Clinic, for those with life-changing illnesses and injuries who want to learn or re-learn the game of golf, is Tuesday, August 14, from 10 a.m.-noon at First Tee of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-8265809 or email alsalley@wrh.org. The Soul City Sirens are currently looking for new skaters and invite women of the CSRA to Redwing Rollerway Monday, August 13, at 7 p.m. to their mid-season recruitment meeting. There is no cost or obligation and men are also encouraged to attend because the group is also looking for referees and volunteers. Email training@soulcitysirens.com. BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. $35 a month, members; $50 a month, non-members. Preregistration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Wheelchair Tennis is each Monday at 6 p.m., weather permitting, at the Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or visit alsalley@ wrh.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered Monday-Saturday at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m., and Sunday at 1:30, 3 and 4:30 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com. Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1:30-3:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067 or visit augustamuseum.org. Weekly Group Runs include the Monday Metro Run meeting at Metro Coffeehouse at 6 p.m.; Monday

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Intervals meeting at the Family Y track on Wheeler Road at 7 p.m.; the Tuesday Nacho Mama’s Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Blanchard Woods Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday Stay in Shape Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Post Office Hill Training Run at 7 p.m.; Thursday’s Homer Hustle at 6 p.m.; and Saturday’s Stay in Shape Run at 8 a.m. For more information, visit augustastriders.com.

Kids

Stepping Into Manhood, a class on sexuality, peer pressure and responsible decision making for boys ages 12-15 and their father, male relative or friend, is Saturday, August 11, from 9:30 a.m.-noon at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. $10; pre-registration required. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Sign Language for Kids, a three-session class for those ages 6-12, is Saturdays, August 11, 18 and 25, from 10 a.m.-noon at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. $20; pre-registration required. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Board Games program is Saturday, August 11, from 2-4 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Musiq Soulchild visits the Headquarters Branch Library on Saturday, August 11, from 6-8 p.m. as the inaugural speaker for the Get Understanding Youth Speakers series. For those ages 11-17, attendees must come to the library to get their free tickets, be a library cardholder and check out five books. One adult may accompany those under 16. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Parents Night out at the Marshall Family Y and the Family Y of North Augusta is Saturday, August 11, from 6-9:30 p.m. For those ages 2-12, cost is $12 for members and $20 for non-members. Pre-registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Beat the Heat Craft Workshop, for those ages 3-5, is Thursday, August 16, at 11 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Participants should bring glue, crayons and markets and pre-registration is required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Hickory Hill at the Watson-Brown Foundation are looking for high schoolers to server on its Junior Board, which makes grants to assist with historic

preservation projects in the CSRA. Applicants must be in high school in Columbia, Richmond, Lincoln, Elbert, Wilkes, Warren, McDuffie, Jefferson, Taliaferro, Glascock, Burk, Aiken or McCormick counties and must be able to attend board meetings once or twice a month on weekdays evenings throughout the school year. Applications, available online, are due September 14. Call 706-595-7777 or visit hickory-hill.org/junior-board/ about-hh-junior-board.html.

Story Time at the Columbia County Library is each Tuesday at 11 a.m. for those under 2; Monday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:15 a.m. for 2-year-olds; and Monday, Wednesday and Thursday at 11 a.m. for preschoolers. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time at the Euchee Creek Branch Library, for all ages, is each Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. and each Thursday at 4 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Kroc Tots Activity Hour, featuring story time, crafts and more, is every Friday at 9 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Free, members; $1, non-members. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

Free Junior Fitness Class, for those ages 7-12, meets Sundays at 3 p.m., Mondays and Wednesdays at 5:30 p.m. and Saturdays at 9 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Follow the Drinking Gourd shows Saturdays in August at 8 p.m. and Digistar Virtual Journey shows Saturdays in August at 9 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium in Aiken. Digistar shows are $5.50, adults; $4.50, seniors; $3.50, 4K-12th grade students; $1, USC-A students, faculty and staff. General shows are $4.50, adults; $3.50, seniors; $2.50, 4K-12th grade students; and $1, USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3654 or visit http://rpsec.usca.edu/planetarium.

Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Zumbatonic, a Zumba class for kids, meets Wednesdays at 4:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Story Time is every Wednesday at Appleby Branch Library from 10:0510:20 a.m. for toddlers 18 months-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschoolers ages 3 and up. Parent must stay with child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Story Time is every Wednesday at 10:15 a.m. for Pre-K, and either 11 or 11:30 a.m. for preschoolers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-6422023 or visit abbe-lib.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org.

Seniors

Story Time is every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Open House for those interested in the Silver Sneakers and PRIME fitness programs is Tuesday, August 14, from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

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Academy for Lifelong Learning at USC-Aiken is now accepting registration for fall classes, which begin on September 6. Participants may attend as many classes as they like for $70 per semester or $140 a year. Call 803-641-3563 or visit aikenlearning.org. Golden Agers meets Mondays from 9 a.m.-noon at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Senior Computer Classes meet weekly at the Kroc Center. Pre-registration required. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Medicare and You is a program that meets every Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.3:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:30-6:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hobbies

The Augusta Archaeological Society meets Thursday, August 16, at TBonz on Washington Road, beginning with dinner at 6:30 p.m. and a program by Tony Riley about Edgefield pottery and the Pottersville site at 8 p.m. Visit thesga.org. Genealogy Class meets every Thursday at 1 p.m. at the Euchee Creek Branch Library. Limited to the first 15 students. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Introduction to Crochet Class meets every Monday in August from 4:30-6:30 p.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Learn How to Crochet, a Lunch & Learn Series, meets every Tuesday in August from 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library and participants will learn how to make a winter scarf. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2604 or visit ecgrl.org.

706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Sunday activities at the Kroc Center include an adult Bible class at 9:30 a.m., youth Sunday school at 9:45 a.m., and a worship service at 11 a.m. Free. Call 706364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Volunteers

The Morris Museum of Art is currently accepting applications for the 2012 new docent class for the 12-session training program that begins in September. Candidates must commit to one year of service following the training and no prior experience is required. Call 706-828-3865 for more information and an application. Visit themorris.org.

Elsewhere

Thursday Nights at the High, a special event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, offers half price tickets from 4-8 p.m. each Thursday. A guided tour is offered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4200 or visit high.org.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs administrative and patient care volunteers. No

DECLASSIFIED ALL DECLASSIFIED ADS ARE CASH IN ADVANCE (CREDIT CARD PAYMENT REQUIRED) AND ARE $40 PER WEEK. VISIT METROSPIRIT.COM TO PLACE YOUR AD IN MINUTES.

1.5� X 1.9� (ACTUAL SIZE) $40 PER WEEK

Spiritual

Bible Teaching Seminar, featuring the topic Tell the Next Generation, is Saturday, August 11, at noon at the Friedman Branch Library. Visit donaldsao.com. Food, Faith and Fitness, a women’s group, meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-3645762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Morning Manna, a community devotion time, meets Wednesdays at 11 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Free. Call Call us today at 706.667.9009

BIRTHDAY PARTIES! Charter the PATRIOT TOUR BOAT for a 2 hr cruise for your Birthday! A/C, RESTROOMS SET UP & CLEAN UP PROVIDED!

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9AUGUST2012

experience necessary; training will be provided. Call Rich Boland at 706-447-2626 or email rboland@ msa-corp.com.

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A lawsuit has been commenced against TELEPERFORMANCE U.SA., Inc./TPUSA, Inc., in the United States District Court for the Middle District of Georgia, Albany Division, by nineteen (19) former Customer Service Representatives (“CSR�), to recover unpaid wages and unpaid overtime compensation. The Court has not expressed any opinion with respect to the merits of the claims or defenses. It is claimed in the lawsuit that CSRs at TELEPERFORMANCE are not paid for any period during the continuous workday when they are not actively logged onto the TELEPERFORMANCE computer system, for any reason. For example, no compensation is paid for certain activities performed 15 minutes prior to the “pay start time,� when CSR’s are required to boot up certain programs and go through the lengthy process of logging into the TELEPERFORMANCE computer system. If you worked as a CSR at TELEPERFORMANCE, at any time during the period March 2009 to present, you may have a right to be a member of the Class and participate in this lawsuit and recover money damages, if the Court determines that your claim has merit. Please call us at 1-800-910-0529, if you are interested in learning about the nature and extent of your legal rights against TELEPERFORMANCE. The legal consultation will be FREE and all information discussed will be treated as STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.

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AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 23

V23|NO32

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Nikki Calloway, Jessie Aiello and Cherish Richardson at Midtown Lounge.

SIGHTINGS

Devin Joy, Mandy Ortiz and Lisa Hall at the Country Club.

Blythe Ansley, Stephen Hundley, Ashley Dodgen and Tiffany Shaw at the County Club.

SIGHTINGS

William Crissman, Kellie Borror, Lisa Barrett and John Venuti at the Pizza Joint downtown.

Maxine Maloney, author of “Why the Wind Blows” Dianne Brady, and Nancy Parks at the Augusta Museum of History.

SIGHTINGS

Penny Force, Ann Beth Strelec and Liz Johnson at First Thursday at Midtown Market.

24 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Sam Nicholson, Scott and Mandi Peebles with Lewis Blanchard at the Executive/Foundation Club.

Sarah Holley, Retired Major General Perry, Connor Smith and Porter Verfurth at the Augusta Museum of History.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Michelle Schulte, Tricia Hughes and Matt Porter at First Thursday at Midtown Market.

9AUGUST2012

V23|NO32

Bad Mom!

A slacker family means a fun summer

I might have been a bad parent this summer. Don’t get me wrong. I think everyone had fun. Our routines are absolutely shot. That’s what summer is for, right? Of course. I like the break from soccer and Cub Scouts. I don’t miss the 25-minute drive to The Girl’s tennis clinic. Those routines are supposed to slow down. It’s the basic stuff that has suffered most. I think I’ve been slacker than usual. To give myself some credit, we have been out of town quite a bit. When we were in town, it was swim team season, which makes things a little chaotic. I hate to make excuses, though. We have eaten in front of the TV more than I care to admit. I won’t say that we never do that during the school year, but it’s usually limited to weekends and special occasions. I will add yet another excuse to the pot. Our kitchen table is covered up with a puzzle. My friend Jason gave the kids a 3-D puzzle of Washington, D.C., and it’s taken a little time to put together. It’s going to be really neat whenever it’s done. I finally moved it to the dining room table today, so we can go back to sitting down together for dinner. I guess we could’ve just eaten at the dining room table in the first place. Maybe next summer. I’ve also turned into a short order cook. It didn’t happen because I gave in to my children’s whims. The Girl is a picky, or limited rather, eater, but The Boy is pretty good. He’ll eat what I serve. I just haven’t been ready to serve. When we’ve been home, I have cooked some, but I haven’t been as motivated as I usually am. The evenings usually involve The Man asking what we’re having for dinner and me telling him that if he sees it in the fridge and it doesn’t smell bad, it’s fair game. We’ve spent a good bit of time on the deck letting the fine folks at Vallarta serve us. It’s just easier that way. No one has ever called me a good housekeeper, but things have gotten out of hand. The clothes I didn’t use in Ireland came out of the suitcase and into a pile on the floor. They were replaced with clothes for the beach. Anything not worn at the beach is still in the suitcase. I packed a different bag for the lake, so I wouldn’t have

9AUGUST2012

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

to put everything away. We find ourselves getting clean dishes out of the dishwasher at mealtimes, because they never made it to the cabinet. I have taken the trash out, swept and cleaned the bathrooms. Some. But you know what? We have been spoiled this summer. While I hate that I was away from my kids so much, we all did some pretty great things. I got to see my dear friend marry her love in Mexico. We spent the 4th of July at the lake with family. The Man and I took an epic trip to Ireland. Two days later, we were lucky enough to take our kids to the beach. Our kids love the beach. They rolled in the sand, body surfed and swam in the pool until we made them go to bed. We’ve all watched the Olympics. Even the boring sports. Even the weird men’s sprint that is a bike race and a game of playground chase all wrapped up into an Olympic event. Last weekend, we squeezed in one last trip to the lake. My dad bought The Kids some trainer water skis, so we wanted to try them out. The Boy was scared but determined. His nerves gave way to tears as he floated in the water waiting for the boat to straighten out. He said, “Mama, I really want to do it, but I’m really nervous.” After asking what scared him most and trying to erase any fears, he was off. The boat pulled away, and I was left in the water, saying prayers and crossing fingers that he’d get up just once. After a few tries, he did! It didn’t last long (I think he startled himself!), but he got out of the water. I swam over to him, and noticed that he was red-faced and teary. “What’s the matter, Boy?” I was fighting my own tears. “I’m just so happy that I got up. I’m crying happy tears and it’s making me laugh!” We hugged. I was busting with pride. It wasn’t a bad way to wrap up the summer. I’m not sure how I feel about school starting. I’m ready for the routine, but not the hectic evenings. I’d like one more week. So it goes. This year I’ll send The Girl to first grade, and The Boy will be in third. I guess I’ll have to start cooking and cleaning again. Know what? I’m looking forward to it. I’ll bet The Man is, too.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 25

V23|NO32

THE

BOX TOPS

Recall reboot can’t boot Batman from the top spot.

EIGHT

RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

$35,737,330

$353,935,094

3

1

2

TOTAL RECALL

$25,577,758

$25,577,758

1

-

3

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: DOG DAYS

$14,623,599

$14,623,599

1

-

4

ICE AGE: CONTINENTAL DRIFT

$8,609,040

$132,071,899

4

2

5

THE WATCH

$6,527,915

$25,541,118

2

3

“The Intouchables”

SAMEIFLING

French film treats disability with humor and candor

So there’s an old joke, known better in France than here, in which a child asks his mother to get him a piece of chocolate from a high shelf. She tells him to get it himself. He reminds her that he can’t, for he hasn’t any arms. The mother’s Reaganesque reply is the punchline: “Well… no arms, no chocolate.” “The Intouchables,” the very funny drama now running sparsely in the States after becoming one of the top-earning movies in French cinematic history, conveys the joke a bit differently. Driss, a charismatic petty criminal unexpectedly turned caregiver, is visiting a gallery with his employer, Philippe, a wealthy older man whom an accident has left paralyzed below his neck. After a short debate over the merits of a canvas smattered with an image of bright scarlet blood, Philippe, irritated, changes the subject by asking for one of the M&Ms Driss is munching. The young man tells him to his face, “no arms, no chocolate.” The English subtitles read “no handy, no candy.” Still, you get that Driss is having a laugh at Philippe’s expense — one of many, in fact. Against your better impulses, you too will be giggling in a paraplegic’s face. Philippe and Driss are based on two real people: Philippe Pozzo di Borgo, an aristocratically born former Champagne executive who was paralyzed in 1993, and his caretaker Abdel Sellou, whose memoir of their friendship, “You Changed My Life,” inspired the film. Both the directing and screenwriting credits are shared between Eric Toledano and Olivier Nakache; they favor dredging the dark humor out of Philippe’s paralysis and burnishing it to a high sheen. Philippe deadpans his grim acceptance, and welcomes Driss’ complete lack of babying — on down to the chagrined caretaker’s revulsion at the prospect of manually aiding Philippe’s bowel movements, or “ass-emptying,” as he puts it. When the phone rings, Driss hands it toward Philippe and goes back to his business. Rather than bristle, Philippe rather appreciates that Driss forgets Philippe’s incapacities. In such oversights friends are made. Though it does fall waist-deep into clichés of race and class, the story arc and tone of “The Intouchables” work more as a nontraditional romantic comedy than the lachrymose tear-jerker that Hollywood might’ve burped out given the same source material. Foremost, the lead actors astonish throughout. Francois Cluzet plays Philippe with a deadpan reserve that complements Omar Sy’s hyperexpressive Driss. Sy is blessed with features that fill the screen: an ample nose, a long face, a broad smile — his every expression and emotion are amplified, and yet the hilarious performance he spins also feels stealthily natural, from his irrational cockiness to a

curious infatuation with Earth, Wind & Fire (exemplified in a high-speed driving sing-along to “September” in phonetic English). Early on in “The Intouchables” you won’t be certain whether you’re laughing with a quadriplegic or at him, and it’s only Philippe’s pleasure at being treated indelicately that allows the audience to relax. In an interview the real Pozzo di Borgo gave recently to the German newspaper Der Speigel, he advocated humor for anyone who, like him, owes every basic need to the good will of others. “People are afraid of us,” he said. “The only thing we can do is to seduce them, with our smiles and with our humor. Once we’ve made the connection, we’re home free. Touch us!” Perhaps if it weren’t for the famous Prohibition movie of the same name, the film’s English title would be translated as “The Untouchables,” though in every facet of the word, the film insists that no one cannot be touched. The overall effect, in its compassion and joy, is downright disarming.

THE8ERS Movie times are subject to change.

The Big Mo

Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. (approximately)

August 10-11 Field 1: The Bourne Legacy (PG-13) and Ted (R); Field 2: The Dark Knight Rises (PG-13) and The Campaign (R); Field 3: Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days PG) and Ice Age: Continental Drift (PG).

Masters 7 Cinemas

August 10-11 Savages (R) 1, 4:15, 7, 9:50; Katy Perry: Part of Me (PG) 12:30, 2:45, 5, 7:15; People Like Us (PG-13) 7:30, 10; That’s My Boy (R) 1:30, 4:30, 7:45, 10:10; Snow White and

26 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

the Huntsman (PG-13) 1:15, 4, 7, 9:50; Men in Black III (PG-13) 1:30, 4:30, 7:15, 10; Battleship (PG-13) 9:40; The Pirates! Band of Misfits (PG) 12:30, 2:45, 4:45; The Hunger Games (PG-13) 12:45, 3:45, 6:45, 9:40

Evans Cinemas

August 10-11 The Bourne Legacy (PG-13) 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9:50; The Campaign (R) 12:15, 1:15, 2:25, 3:25, 4:35, 5:35, 6:45, 7:45, 9, 10; Hope Springs (PG-13) 12:15, 2:30, 4:50, 7:10, 7:40, 9:40; Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (PG) 12:40, 3, 5:25, 7:40, 9:55; Total Recall (PG-13) 12:30, 1:30, 3:10, 4:10, 6:30, 7:20, 9:10, 10; Step Up Revolution (PG-13) 1:40, 7:05; The Watch (R) 10:05; The Dark Knight Rises (PG-

13) 12:45, 1:45, 4:20, 5:15, 7:45, 9:30; Ice Age: Continental Drift (PG) 12:20, 2:40, 5:05, 7:25, 9:45; The Amazing Spider-Man 9PG13) 12:45, 3:45, 6:45, 9:45; Madea’s Witness Protection (PG-13) 4:25, 9:35; Brave (PG) 12:25, 2:50, 5:20

Regal Exchange 20

August 10-11 The Bourne Legacy (PG-13) 1, 1:20, 1:40, 4, 4:20, 4:40, 7, 7:20, 7:40, 10, 10:20, 10:40, 12:55; The Campaign (R) 12:25, 1:15, 2:45, 3:30, 5, 5:40, 7:10, 8, 9:25, 10:15, 11:45, 12:30; Hope Springs (PG-13) 12:05, 2:25, 4:45, 7:15, 9:40, 12:10; Nitro Circus: The Movie (PG-13) 12:40, 2:55, 5:15, 7:45, 9:55, 12:05; Diary of a

Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (PG) noon, 1, 2:20, 3:20, 4:40, 5:40, 7:05, 8:05, 9:30, 10:30, 11:55; Total Recall (PG-13) 11:25, 1:35, 2:05, 4:25, 4:55, 7:20, 7:55, 10:05, 10:40, 12:45; Step Up Revolution (PG-13) 11:50, 2:15, 4:40, 7:15, 9:40, 12:10; The Watch (R) 11:25, 2, 4:30, 7:10, 9:35, 12:05; The Dark Knight Rises (PG-13) 11:20, 11:40, 12:10, 2:50, 3:20, 3:50, 6:30, 7, 7:30, 10:10, 10:40, 11:10; Ice Age: Continental Drift (PG) 11:50, 2:15, 4:40, 7:15, 9:40, 12:05; The Amazing Spider-Man (PG-13) 4:30, 10; Ted (R) 11:45, 2:15, 4:45, 7:25, 9:55, 12:25; Madea’s Witness Protection (PG-13) 1:45, 4:25, 7:05, 9:40, 12:30; Brave (PG) 11:20, 1:50, 7:30

9AUGUST2012

OPENING FRIDAY, AUGUST 10

V23|NO32

ACTION

“The Bourne Legacy,” rated PG-13, starring Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz, Edward Norton, Scott Glenn. From the commercials, it seems like they should have named this one “Bionic Bourne.” And no offense to Jeremy Renner, but a Bourne movie without Matt Damon? No thank you!

COMEDY

“The Campaign,” rated R, starring Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis, Jason Sudeikis, Dylan McDermott. If you’re as sick and tired of elections as we already are, you may be tempted to stay away from this one. How could you not want to see Will Ferrell punch a baby, though? And nerdy Zach Galifianakis? Yes, please. “Hope Springs,” rated PG-13, starring Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, Steve Carell. Awwww… isn’t that cute? They made a romantic comedy for the AARP set. Not that we should judge. We remember when Jones was an action hero and a dingo ate Streep’s baby.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

When Tchaikovsky wrote his famous “1812 Overture,” it included 16 cannon shots. These blasts weren’t supposed to be made by, say, a sledgehammer pounded against a wooden mallet, but rather by the detonation of an actual cannon. You’ve got to admire Tchaikovsky’s creative gall. He was going way out of the box, calling on a source of sound no other composer had ever done. Be inspired by his example. In your own chosen field, mess with the rules about how to play in your chosen field.

The Italian mattress company Sogniflex has created a bed with features designed to facilitate lovemaking. It has straps and handles, plus a trench that helps you get better traction. The extra-strong springs produce an exceptional bouncing action. You might consider buying one for yourself. It’s time to play with more intensity in the intimate clinches. You could also try these things: 1. Upgrade your licking and sucking skills. 2. Cultivate your ability to listen receptively. 3. Deepen your sincere appreciation for what’s beautiful about anyone you’re attracted to. 4. Make yourself even more lovable than you already are.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) “And if nothing is repeated in the same way,” says poet Antonio Porchia, “all things are last things.” That’s a good principle to adapt for your own purposes. A few weeks from now, you’ll be enmeshed in an orgy of novelty, creating yourself from scratch and exploring experiences you’ve never heard of before. But in the meantime, as you bring this cycle to a close, be equally inventive about how you finish things off. Don’t imitate the approach you used in tying up loose ends in the past. Don’t put stale, boring karma to rest in stale, boring ways. Nothing repeated! All things last things!

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

“Heathers”

WERECOMMEND

All of us feel bad sometimes — sad, discouraged, helpless, unloved and all the rest. It’s a natural part of being human. Here’s the good news: I am not predicting you will go through a phase like that anytime soon. Here’s the even better news: The coming week will be an excellent time to come up with effective strategies for what to do in the future when you go through a rough period. Instead of wallowing in self-pity or berating yourself for your weakness, maybe you can resolve, next time, to amble aimlessly out in nature, dance to cathartic music for three hours or go to the gym and smack around a punching bag.

It may have been a box office bomb, but 1988’s “Heathers” is one of the best cult movies ever made because almost every one of us can identify with its premise. Didn’t we all want the popular kids pay, slowly and painfully, for the ego-shattering torture they inflicted on those around them? We personally would have been happy with reimbursement for our therapy bills, but Veronica and J.D. devise a much more sinister plan: death. It all happens at Ohio’s Westerburg High (a not-so-subtle nod to the lead singer of star Winona Ryder’s favorite band the Replacements), where Veronica is about to be outed as a prude by her friends the Heathers. Bonnie and Clyde’s plans don’t quite work out as they’d hoped, however. Poor dead Heather Chandler, because of a fake suicide note, is made into a martyr and Heather Duke takes over as head meanie. Then two dead football players who had tormented Veronica are hailed as examples of what happens when society refuses to accept homosexuality. Before Veronica knows it, Westerburg High is up to its eyeballs in dead bodies and those “trying to be popular” by attempting suicide, and J.D. has a thirst for blood that can’t be quenched. How does she put an end to the madness? You’ll just have to watch and see. While you do, enjoy Christian Slater’s over-the-top Jack Nicholson impression and revel in the best line of the movie: “I love my dead gay son!” Just don’t show it to the kids right before they head back to school. It might give them some very bad ideas. 9AUGUST2012

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) My $10-an-hour counsel is “Never try to be someone you’re not. Discover what you were made for, and do it with all of your passionate intensity.” On the other hand, my $100-a-minute wisdom is more complicated, subtle and hard to impart in less than an hour of storytelling. Here’s a hint: There are times when you can get interesting and even brilliant results by experimenting with being something you’re not. Going against the flow of your instinctual urges and customary tendencies might tweak you in just the right way — giving you an exotic grace and wild depth when you ultimately return to the path you were born to tread.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Apollo astronaut Russell Schweickart had a vision of loveliness while flying through outer space in his lunar module. “One of the most beautiful sights is a urine dump at sunset,” he testified. He said it resembles a “spray of sparklers,” as 10 million little ice crystals shoot out into the void at high velocity. As you feed your quest for a lusty life, be as quirky and resourceful as Schweickart. Come up with your own definitions about what’s gorgeous and revelatory. Take epiphanies any way you can get them.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

When a domesticated weasel captures some treasure or beats out a competitor for food, it performs a celebratory dance that’s referred to as the “weasel war dance.” During this triumphant display, it might hiss, arch its back, fluff out its tail and hop around madly. Come up with your own private version of this ritual. It can be more dignified if you like: snapping your fingers, singing a magical phrase or raising your arms in a V-for-victory gesture. Do it after every accomplishment, no matter how small: buying groceries, arriving at an appointment on time, getting a good new idea or any other success.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said,” said Maya Angelou, “people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Can you see how valuable this principle might be for you? If you hope to get what you desire, you should turn your empathy on full blast. If you’d like to supercharge your vitality, hone your skills as a judge of character. If you want to get the love you think you deserve, be a master at making people feel good in your presence.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) One out of every four of us is afraid that we have missed our calling — that we have misread our soul’s code and failed to identify the labor of love that would provide our ultimate fuel for living. If you’re among this deprived group, the next six weeks will be an excellent time to fix the problem — to leave the niche where you don’t belong and go off to create a new power spot. And if you are among the 75 percent of us who are confident you’ve found your vocation, the next six weeks will be prime time to boost your efforts to a higher level.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) You will soon be drawing on the energy of one of your past lives. Will it be a 13th-century Chinese lute player or a kitchen maid from 15th-century France? Will you be high on the vitality you had when you were a Yoruba priest living in West Africa 300 years ago or when you were a 16th-century Guarani herbalist in what’s now Paraguay? Play with fantasies like these, even if you don’t believe they’re literally true. You might be surprised at the boost you get from imagining yourself alive in a different body and historical era.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) The coming week will be prime time to celebrate your eccentricities and cultivate your idiosyncrasies. Do you like ketchup on your bananas? Is heavy metal the music you can best relax to? Do you have a tendency to break out in raucous laughter when people brag about themselves? You should make note of all the qualities that make you odd or unique, and express those qualities with extra intensity. That may grate on some people, true, but it should have a potent healing effect on you.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) Will you thrust your foot across that imaginary line, or will you back away from it, scouting around for an escape route? Will you risk causing a commotion in order to scratch the itch in your ambition? Or will you shuffle on back to your comfort zone and caress your perfect daydreams? Personally, I’m hoping you will elect to do what’s a bit unsettling. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you should. If you make a bold move, make sure you’re not angling to please or impress anyone else. Do it as a way to express your respect for yourself — or don’t do it.

ROBBREZSNY FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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One afternoon when it was over 100 degrees, a photo was posted on Facebook of a crew of roofers toiling under the blazing sun under a McDonald’s billboard that read “Get Arctic” with icicles hanging off. The caption read: I wonder if these roofers across from our office recognize the irony of their situation. I am tempted to say no. Andy Stokes replied: If by irony you mean crystal meth and by recognize you mean smoke, then yes, they recognize the shit out of that irony. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. This man must come back and write for the Metro Spirit. An old sales axiom is that potential buyers only have so many no’s in them. Apparently that also holds true for music writers. After badgering Stokes for over a year, he finally agreed to come back into the fold at the Spirit. Those of you who have been picking us up for years are already aware of his wit, depth of writing and sharp point of view. For those new to the paper, let me introduce how lazy a writer I am. From: Andy Stokes Sent: Tue 8/7/2012 3:15 PM To: Joe@themetrospirit.com “Pretty sure I graduated spring ‘03, started essentially the day after got out of school (Georgia Regents University) and was at the paper until October 2006. I hope no picture is going along with this bio info. At least not one of those horrendous ones you took while I worked there. For you newbies, you’re going to enjoy this guy’s articles, or my name’s not Nathan Arizona. — Joe White

So What Did I Miss?

ANDYSTOKES

Sometime around October 2005. That’s the last time I wrote an article for the Metro Spirit. Effectively, it’s the last time I wrote anything for any publication, anywhere. That was about seven years ago, and a whole lot has changed since then. Those of you who read my articles and reviews back then (I am certain there were at least a handful) know that my focus was primarily music. Well, a funny thing happens when you stop writing about music for a living: you almost suddenly find yourself at a loss when people ask you for recommendations on what they should be listening to. What used to be hour-long conversations about albums that hadn’t even been released yet are now Smartphone Google searches and terse, hollow referrals. Your status as a relatively knowledgeable source for such things gets quickly downgraded. After a little while, people just stop bringing it up like they used to. And unless you can stretch at least one text message or Facebook rant a week into a well-crafted, heavily edited 600-word critique, whatever voice you conjured up over years of honing is sure to atrophy just as rapidly. So it goes. And beyond personal antics, the music scene as a whole has undergone a pretty drastic overhaul, too. What seemed to be the dawn of the Internet age in the music scene back then has morphed into something that, save for a few outlying record stores and bands that still tour (God bless them all), now exists almost solely on the web. Blogs have replaced print publications. iTunes has taken the place of the palpable. Most crushingly, the live shows I loved so dearly haven’t been replaced by anything else. There just don’t seem to be near as many as there used to be. It’s enough to make a guy feel like a freshly thawed Han Solo, trying desperately to catch himself up on just how much has changed before he went under the carbonite. But, save for a few arbitrary details, that just about brings us up to speed. I don’t think things locally, nationally or globally have changed all for the worse. Do I wish there was a nearby record store in which to go lose an afternoon? Definitely. Do I miss the days when I had to make the difficult decision on which concert to go see and which one to miss, because there were several choices on the same night? Absolutely. But there’s still good music out there. My faith in that is unshakeable. So here I am, back with pen in hand, and ready to take the training wheels back off and skin my knees on the family driveway a few times before sailing headlong into traffic. I’ll be contributing a music-centered piece to these pages every week, and kicking in wherever else in the paper I’m needed. A far cry from the days of being an in-house writer, for sure, but as is the case with all things that fall under the category of “less responsibility,” that’s the way I’d prefer it. That said, with my contribution attenuated and a separate day job constantly beckoning, my coverage will be limited. But I’ll try to cast as wide a net as possible – local bands, CD and show reviews… hell, I may just write about what’s in my truck’s CD player sometimes. Feel free to email me or, better yet, put an anonymous zinger in the Whine Line if you’ve got any recommendations. Badger me to review your band’s underproduced, hastily made CD until you’re blue in the face. I’m certain I would’ve gotten a lot of that with or without provocation, anyway. 28 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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August 9 09Thursday, Live Music French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Third Hand Smoke Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Live and Local Polo Tavern - Brent Lundy Somewhere in Augusta - County Line The Willcox - Classic Jazz Wild Wing - Swingin Richards

Singer, writer and community activist Musiq Soulchild visits the Headquarters Branch Library on Saturday, August 11, from 6-8 p.m. as the inaugural speaker for the Get Understanding Youth Speakers series. For those ages 11-17, attendees must come to the library to get their free tickets, be a library cardholder and check out five books. One adult may accompany those under 16. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

What’s Tonight? Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - Male Review Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & The Simpletons Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Loft - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Soul Bar - Boom Box Dance Party Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

August 10 10Friday, Live Music 100 Laurens - John Kolbeck 1102 - John Berret’s LaRoxes Cotton Patch - Old Man Crazy - 150th Show Celebration Country Club - Daniel Johnson Band Coyote’s - Joe Olds and the Smokin’ Joe Band Doubletree - Classic Jazz Fox’s Lair - Mike Ritchie & Jo Jo Walker French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Imperial Theatre - Ed Turner and Number 9 Joe’s Underground - Third Hand Smoke The Loft - Atom Blonde PI Bar & Grill - Jazz Duo Polo Tavern - Reverse Effect Sky City - Mazes & Monsters Farewell Show w/ Radar Cinema, Mann Ray Somewhere in Augusta - Amerson Stables Bar & Restaurant at Rose Hill Estate - The Otis Brown Show Stillwater Tap Room - Southern League Wild Wing - Tony Williams Band

What’s Tonight? Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke 9AUGUST2012

Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim The Playground - Heartless DJs Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Soul Bar - 80’s Night Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

August 11 11Saturday, Live Music 100 Laurens - Celia Gary & Eli Montgomery 1102 - Southern Conduct The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Cotton Patch - Jerrod Gay Country Club - Joe Stevenson Coyote’s - Joe Olds and the Smokin’ Joe Band Fox’s Lair - Chris Ndeti Imperial Theatre - Ed Turner and Number 9 Joe’s Underground - Dave Firmin P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz with Pam Bowman Polo Tavern - John Kolbeck Band Sky City - Dead Confederate, Twin Tigers, Brothers Wild Wing - Bad Cash

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Karaoke with Beth Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - DJ Richie Rich Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

August 12 12Sunday, Live Music 5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice (brunch) Candlelight Jazz - Rob Foster & Pulsar Cotton Patch - Keith Gregory (brunch) Patridge Inn - Sunday Evening Jazz w/ the Not Gaddy Jazz Trio The Willcox - Jazz Jam Session Wild Wing - Jason White

What’s Tonight? Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Shannon’s - Karaoke with Peggy Gardner

August 13 13Monday, Live Music Hopelands Gardens - Ft. Gordon The Semifours Trombone Shannon’s - Open Mic Night

What’s Tonight? Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere In Augusta - Poker Tournaments Wild Wing - Trivia

August 14 14Tuesday, Live Music The Highlander - Open Mic Night The Willcox - Piano Jazz Wild Wing - Will Erickson

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke

Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Trivia The Playground - Truly Twisted Trivia with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke Shannon’s - Karaoke with Mike Johnson Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia

August 15 15Wednesday, Live Music Joe’s Underground - Kathleen Turner Overdrive Wild Wing - Tj Mimbs

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - DJ Mike Swift Midtown Lounge - Karaoke w/ Charles O’Byrne Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell

Upcoming Ruby Kendrick, The Ramblin’ Fevers - Sky City August 16 The Corduroy Road - Stillwater Tap Room August 17 KEM & K’Jon - Bell Auditorium August 18 Boy Scout of America, Marsh Sound - Sky City August 23 Bare Knuckle Champions - Stillwater Tap Room August 24 Wayne Capps - Augusta Moonlight Music Cruise September 7 Brian Regan - Bell Auditorium September 20 The Packway Handle Band - Stillwater Tap Room September 21 Blair Crimmins and the Hookers - Stillwater Tap Room September 22 AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Keb Mo, Grammy award winning guitarist and songwriter, appears Sunday, August 12, at 7 p.m. at the Jabez Sanford Hardin Performing Arts Center in Evans. Doors open at 6 p.m. and concertgoers are encouraged to dress in blueselegant attire and walk the red carpet. $44.50-$49.50. Call 706-726-0366 or visit augustaamusements.com.

North Mississippi Allstars, Mssing Cats Featuring John JoJo Hermann and Sherman Ewing - Sky City September 25 The Fresh Beat Band - Bell Auditorium October 4 Langhorne Slim & The Law - Sky City October 12 Mike Epps - Bell Auditorium October 12 The Chris Robinson Brotherhood - Sky City October 23 Big Daddy Love - Stillwater Tap Room October 26

Elsewhere Evanescence, Chevelle, Halestorm - Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood, Atlanta August 10 Merle Haggard, Chris Janson - Atlanta Botanical Garden August 10 The Packway Handle Band - Georgia Aquarium, Atlanta August 10 Willie Nelson - Classic Center, Athens August 10 Archers of Loaf - The EARL, Atlanta August 10-11 Keb Mo, Aaron Neville - Atlanta Botanical Garden August 11 Marty Stuart - Mable House Barnes Amphitheatre, Mableton August 11 George Jones - Johnny Mercer Theatre, Savannah August 17 Jason Mraz, Christina Perri - Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood, Atlanta August 18 Duran Duran - Chastain Park, Atlanta August 19 The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta August 20 Ted Nugent - Center Stage, Atlanta August 22 Matisyahu, The Dirty Heads - Masquerade, Atlanta August 23 Sugarland - Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Atlanta August 23 Drive-By Truckers - Georgia Theatre, Athens August 23 My Morning Jacket, Band of Horses - Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Atlanta August 24 Mary Chapin Carpenter - Atlanta Botanical Garden August 24 Toby Keith, Brantley Gilbert - Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood, Atlanta August 24 Soulja Boy, Waka Flocka - Turner Field, Atlanta August 25 30 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Phish - Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood, Atlanta August 25 B.B. King & the Tedeschi Trucks Band - Chastain Park, Atlanta August 26 Mary J. Blige, D’Angelo - Chastain Park, Atlanta August 28 Sublime, Rome - The Masquerade, Atlanta August 29 Enrique Iglesias, Jennifer Lopez - Philips Arena, Atlanta August 29 Foreigner, Night Ranger - Chastain Park, Atlanta August 31 Dethklok, Lamb of God, Gojira - Tabernacle, Atlanta September 5 Dead Can Dance - Cobb Energy Centre, Atlanta September 5 The Jesus and Mary Chain - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta September 6 Train - Chastain Park, Atlanta September 7 Chris Isaak - Atlanta Botanical Garden September 7 Nappy Roots - Peachtree Tavern, Atlanta September 8 Shinedown, Godsmack, Staind, Papa Roach - Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood, Atlanta September 12 Nightwish - Center Stage, Atlanta September 12-13 Slash, Foxy Shazam - Tabernacle, Atlanta September 12 Indigo Girls - Atlanta Botanical Garden September 14 Brad Paisley, The Band Perry, Scotty McCreery - Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood, Atlanta September 15 Margaret Cho - The Punchline, Atlanta September 16 Ben Folds Five - Tabernacle, Atlanta September 18 John Hiatt - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta September 19 New Edition - Chastain Park, Atlanta September 22 Glen Hansard - The Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta September 23 Alabama Shakes, The Masquerade, Atlanta September 29 The Sheepdogs - The Masquerade, Atlanta September 29 9AUGUST2012

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AMYCHRISTIAN

Speak Easy

Owners of new bar bring back art of conversation Ryan McArdle, Brandon Mears and Steven Moore are the owners of the soon-to-open the Indian Queen.

For three young guys, Steven Moore, Brandon Mears and Ryan McArdle sure do have oldfashioned ideas when it comes to their perfect bar. High up on their list of preferences are things like a comfortable, relaxing atmosphere; a place where people can talk and socialize without yelling; a bar where people come to enjoy their cocktails, not down them with the intent of getting hammered and belligerent; and a spot where the bartenders know what they are doing and who rely on time-tested methods instead of cheap, flavored substitutes. When the three compared their list against what was available in the area, they didn’t like what they saw. So they decided to do something about it. Thus, the Indian Queen was born. And with the liquor license approved, it is set to open within the next two weeks. The opening of the Indian Queen brings with it many firsts. After all, when was the last time a bar — not a restaurant, not a nightclub, not a sports pub — opened that wasn’t on or around downtown’s Broad Street? Where else will patrons find liquor lockers, located behind the bar, that they can rent out and stash their favorite bottles? And the Indian Queen may be one of only two or three places in town where customers can sit in front of an actual, working fireplace. “When people come in, we want them to be in a comfortable atmosphere where they can sit down and stay a while,” Moore, who will manage the bar full time, explained. “We’ll have TVs on and we’ll play music -- probably music from before the ’70s, before we were born. So you’ll hear music but you won’t come here to hear music. We want it to be a social meeting place where people can come and talk about everything from politics to Bulldogs football.” That, in and of itself, is a novel concept for a town filled with an endless array of music venues of both the live and DJ variety. But the concept has roots in the historic and traditional, right down to the location in Summerville’s former Gun Cabinet. The three had already discussed a speakeasy type bar atmosphere and when they found the building, it seemed everything just fell into place. “When we first started talking about it, it was going to be this kind of atmosphere, but, without a doubt, the building influenced it,” Moore said. “It gave us almost a legacy here.” The location, for Mears, was perfect. “I live a half mile from here and I love this area. It could really be a little Virginia Highlands,” the loan officer said, referring to the trendy Atlanta neighborhood that mixes retail shops, restaurants and bars with residential areas. “But outside of the three restaurants here, being Sheehan’s, 5 O’Clock Bistro and Crums on Central, there’s not much here yet.” Then they discovered the legend of Peter Carnes, a long-ago resident who, before coming to 9AUGUST2012

Augusta, ran a bar called the Indian Queen. In this Hemingway meets Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man in the World character they knew they found their namesake. “I went back and read all the articles on him — he was one of the first settlers to Augusta — and honestly this building looked like the Indian Queen in Maryland that he ran,” Mears said. “He was our kind of guy,” Moore added. “It just made sense.” True to their traditional leanings, the new Indian Queen’s bar, designed and built by local artisan Daniel Foreman, will be stocked with beer, wines and high-quality liquors. Those wanting something a little fancier, though, can certainly get it. “We’re going to do some specialty drinks, but we’re going to stay away from the Schnapps and the flavored vodkas that bars usually make those drinks with,” Moore explained. “We’re going to use simple syrups, which Andrew Crumrine at Crums has been kind enough to agree to help us make. It will give the customer a better quality product.” “And it will be a real drink that you could get in a good bar in a big city,” McArdle, a commercial real estate agent, added. And while their goal is to draw customers from the local neighborhood (although all, of course, are welcome), they also want to be a part of Summerville. “We want to have a symbiotic relationship, to feed off each other,” Moore said. “There’s a lot of good space around here that can be used for good things. And we will gladly take being a small part of that.” More than anything, however, they just want to merge the old and the new into a spot that everyone loves and feels a part of. “It’s that evolution,” Moore said. “We’re trying to tie in the old Augusta with the new Augusta because we so much want this to be a place where college kids can bring their parents. We want everyone to feel comfortable bringing anyone here.” The Indian Queen 2502 Wrightsboro Road Monday-Friday, 3 p.m.-2 a.m.; Saturday, noon-2 a.m. 706-207-9265 | theindianqueen.com AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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32 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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706-863-0080

201 Shartom Drive Augusta

(behind Applebee’s on Washington Rd.)

Hoagie | Steak Sandwiches | Chicken Steak Sandwiches Italian Beef | Italian Sausages | Chicken Kabobs 9AUGUST2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Still Alive!

Even after two consecutive nights in downtown Augusta

We’ve got the wings. We’ve got the beer. And now we have the Ultimate Draft Day Package. Book your fantasy football party at the Wing today.

It’s like home-ďŹ eld advantage and we’re your 12th man!

s $RAFT 0ARTY 3TARTER 50 Free Wings, 2 Dips and 1 Free Domestic Draft per person s &REE $RAFT +IT INCLUDES $RAFT "OARD 3ET OF 0LAYER 3TICKERS and Free Wi-Fi 'AFAEME H=GHD= J== 1A A AF EGKL DG;9LAGFK Please check with manager when booking party.)

19K@AF?LGF ,G9< c 1#& c w i l d w i n g c a f e . c o m 34 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Hey look, I went downtown to First Friday and a concert on Saturday night and didn’t get shot. Hooray! Hopefully you had as a successful weekend as I did. If you went to see Foxy Shazam on Saturday at Sky City like I asked you to, then I know you had an awesome weekend. It was fun walking out of Sky City and saying the words, “That’s the best rock show that’s ever seen in Augusta.� By show, I mean it was a show. Not only are the musicians in the band amazing, they are performers. Dressed like a featured circus act, Foxy Shazam (pictured above) straight up knows how to entertain. There were countless times on Saturday that I would turn around and ask my friends if they saw what I just saw. The lead singer, Eric Nally, is probably a little insane. From tangents to gymnastics, the guy was unstoppable. Here’s a couple of highlights from Saturday night: Eric runs from the back of the stage to jump on the lead guitarist’s shoulders and dry hump the back of his head during a guitar solo. Eric lighting multiple cigarettes at once and then eating them. Eric changing his pants from black to red on stage, and then the keyboardist crowd surfing, with his keyboard, while soloing. See, I told you this was a good show. The band is about to start a long tour with former Guns ‘N Roses guitarist Slash. That tour roles into Atlanta on September 12. It would definitely be worth the drive. The show on Saturday night was perfect for Augusta. We have an opportunity to see these bands before they become huge. Another example is when Cage the Elephant came to town a couple years ago. That show was like no other. We got Cage in Augusta at the perfect time; two radio singles getting spins around the country, with a huge future tour on the way. If we can continue to get shows like Foxy and Cage, I think the music scene in Augusta would be one of the best. The ticket prices are also a nice perk. Five dollars this past weekend compared to $45 for a show with Godsmack and Staind. I would pay $5 nine times to see a band like Foxy Shazam before paying $45 once to see Godsmack. The venue also is important. There’s something to seeing a band with only a couple hundred other people. The intimacy level is huge. This is probably why I love the Tabernacle in Atlanta so much and, what a coincidence, that’s where Slash and Foxy are going to be at. Now those tickets are $45. Sorry. Here’s a cool event coming up on Thursday, Augusta 16, at Lucky 7 Tattoo Shop. It’s a chance for you to meet the band Straight Line Stitch. Great band, killer lead singer. The band will be hanging out at 5 p.m. While your there get a tattoo as well. I recommend a unicorn, flying over a rainbow, with a rebel flag in the background, the crypt keeper is riding the unicorn and he’s wearing roller skates. It’s just an idea. Update: remember last week when I told you that members of the band Atom Blonde have broken up but the band didn’t break up? Well I spoke too soon; the band has officially called it quits. I guess it is a lot harder than they thought. I couldn’t do it. If only I was a blonde, I could have been the new Atom Blonde. What shows are coming to Augusta? Who do you want to see here? Email me at matt@themetrospirit.com.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock. 9AUGUST2012

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Steaks at the Snug

AMYCHRISTIAN

For 20 years, diners have visited the Bentleys for great beef, seafood and more

It’s a testament to how much diners love the Snug Steak & Grill that business stayed steady during the almost two years it took to expand Walton Way Extension, Davis Road and Bobby Jones Expressway. “Our emergency entrance in the back, that’s how people came in and out,” said owner Kay Bentley when asked how they managed during the construction, which was right outside their front door. “But dinner stayed okay and it was fine. People just had to get used to it.” Turns out, diners will put up with a little driving frustration to get a good steak in a relaxed, homey atmosphere, which is exactly what the Snug offers. Opened by Kay and husband John in November of 1992 and built from the ground up, the Snug is a family run business in the truest sense of the word. Their two eldest sons, Birk and Chris, helped the couple get the business started. “We decided to open a restaurant when Alex and Colin [their younger two sons] were at Episcopal Day School and the older boys were out in Colorado just out of school and working different places,” Kay said. “So we called them and said we are thinking of doing this and would like your help so just think about it. And I think they were thrilled. They jumped on it.” Today, their younger sons, Alex and Colin, do all the cooking and prep in the Snug. Alex also runs the attached Bottle Shop along with his elder brother, Birk. The Bottle Shop is a liquor, wine, and beer store that opened three years ago in space that was formerly reserved for banquets. Throughout the nearly 20 years, Kay and John have remained heavily involved in the day-to-day business. “It’s family,” she explained. “We’re here all the time. It’s really not that different from being home. Our servers are pretty much the only employees we have. Most of them stay here a long time. Last year everyone that started the year with us was still here at year’s end. We had no employee turnover whatsoever.” 9AUGUST2012

The family atmosphere is one they extend to customers, who are invited to come in, sit down and make themselves comfortable. It’s almost like being in the Bentley’s den. “It’s fun and casual and we don’t hurry anyone along,” Kay explained. “Once you get in that cozy booth, you can just sit there and enjoy yourself. You get a server and that is your server. That’s the one you see and that’s the one who’s going to take care of you.” The staff at the Snug definitely takes care of their customers. During the daily happy hour from 5-7 p.m., customers receive two for one specials on well drinks, bottle or draft beers and house wines. They don’t have to be there right on time to get something off the $5.95 top shelf martini list, however, which includes 12 choices from the caramel apple to the Georgia peach, or the $8.95 Patron margarita list. Those are regular prices. Right next to the Snug is the Bottle Shop, a friendly place well worth a trip on its own. “It used to be our banquet facility but when the economy went south in 2008, everything changed as far as banquets were concerned, so we decided to open the Bottle Shop and it has been a very nice addition,” Kay said. “A lot of people will go in there, buy the wine they want and come in here for dinner.” And then there’s the food. Kay and John grew up in the restaurant business and love to experiment, which has produced some of their most popular items including the wildly popular crab dip appetizer. “We invented that,” John said, saying the recipe was created after he and Birk had a similar, but not nearly as good, dish at a restaurant in Northern Virginia. “We invent everything here. It’s well thought out before we put it on the menu.” That includes all the sauces and dressing, which are homemade, and the bread, which is baked in house and has been since they opened. One of the most popular sauces is the blueberry port wine sauce, which has a surprising story.

“Someone came in one night and said he had a blueberry steak sauce at a restaurant in Boston and bet me I couldn’t make a better one and I said I bet I can,” John said. “So I did, and it’s to die for, especially on filet mignon. We top the filet with the blueberry sauce and then sprinkle on crumbled bleu cheese. It’s fabulous. We’ve got customers that say are addicted to it.” Being a steak house, the Snug is naturally known for their filets, ribeyes, prime rib and New York strips, but they do much, much more. In addition to the popular Neptune’s Cow, a NY strip or bacon-wrapped filet topped with shrimp and blue crab sauce, they offer burgers, seafood and a very popular pasta dish called the Cajun Canoe. “Our seafood is very good; we have a great blackened chicken sandwich and fresh salads which are very popular,” Kay said. “So we have a little bit of everything.” Attention to detail in the kitchen and a family atmosphere in the dining room has resulted in a core group of faithful diners that the Bentleys are grateful to have. “We have some really loyal customers, which is nice,” Kay said. “And I hope that it’s because of the food and the atmosphere and the service and because of the way we treat them.” The Snug Steak & Grill 240 Davis Road, Augusta Monday-Thursday, 5-9 p.m.; Friday-Saturday, 5-10 p.m. Reservations recommended, especially on weekend nights The Bottle Shop Monday-Thursday, noon-10 p.m.; Friday-Saturday, noon-11 p.m.; Sunday, 12:30-6:30 p.m. 706-863-1118 | thesnug.net AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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The Predator

Sophomore stud gives coaching staff endless options

While Steve Spurrier is as quick to churn out printable quotes as he used to pound his visor into the turf during the ’90s, sometimes, you just have to give him credit for being as much self-aware as he is a great football coach. Earlier this week, Spurrier tossed out the idea of having freak sophomore defensive end Jadeveon Clowney spend some time elsewhere other than on the defensive line. “We’re going to move him all over the place,” Spurrier told reporters after Monday’s practice. “I think our opponents know that. We’ve got to put him where, hopefully, most of the time he’s one-on-one with somebody.” Usually in the case for defensive ends that means possibly playing some outside linebacker, but the Gamecock coaching staff has other plans for the 6’6”, 256-pound Clowney. “Yeah, we’re going to teach him some middle linebacker. There’s all kinds of things you can do, as long as you’ve got 11 of them out there. It’s a pass rush game almost now, as everybody knows.” Don’t worry, Gamecock fans, there is no cause for alarm here. The coaching staff had already stated earlier in the off-season that they would use Clowney in a similar role that Melvin Ingram was used last year, in that he would line up at defensive tackle to create mismatches for the offense. Spurrier even mentioned that the staff at some points last season thought about using Ingram at middle linebacker in some packages for the same reason. And while they never really needed to move Ingram back a level — as he was destructive enough from the DT position, see game against UGA — it was still on the drawing board. Just in case. And as that move would have possibly worked for the speedy 6’1”, 265-pound wrecking ball, the idea of having someone of Clowney’s rare size and agility roaming around the middle of the field, or rushing from depth — Lord, please have mercy! — turns each opposing coaches play-calling into more of a game of drunken darts than something remotely consistent. I wonder if they’ll just get an assistant to douse them with Bacardi 151 and set their head on fire before the game to get out of it. Wait a second, that would be the dumbest thing a human being could ever do. It’s a move that the Gamecocks will need to work in their favor as they have to do some shuffling around on defense to create the needed turnovers (read: extra offensive opportunities) as everyone holds their collective breath to see if Marcus Lattimore can return to form after coming off that grotesque season-ending knee injury last year. Combine the moves on defense with an offensive unit that loses it’s biggest outside threat — literally and figuratively — to the NFL, and what you have is a need for an outstanding turnover ratio. The two most impressive returning wideouts are Ace Sanders, 5’8”, and Bruce Ellington, 5’9”, so the Cocks will have to establish an outside presence unless Spurrier wants to have to have to game-plan his way through every game with a quarterback who would rather run his way downfield than pass. It’s no secret that the Gamecocks will need their defense to overachieve again like it did last year, because with so much of the offensive expectations written in pencil, the backbone that will need to stand firm all year is the defense. And in fielding as much talent as the Gamecocks have ever had, they need their A+ talent to perform as A+ football players. No matter where they line up.

MATTLANE is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-TalkSports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28. 36 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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METRO SPIRIT’S amber@themetrospirit.com PET PAGE! Best Friends By Chad Wilkes

Let’s face it everybody needs a friend. I don’t care how recluse or independent you think you are -- humans need friends. You on the other hand might have many friends like family friends, work friends, hell even face book friends. My best friend is a little Jack Russell Terrier named Clooney. He never complains about the weather or wakes up in a bad mood. He is, in my opinion, the coolest dog ever. I am a dog trainer at Petco in Evans and I am here not to teach your dog obedience but to let the world know how freaking cool your dog really is. My background is a little different than your average dog trainer. My father is Dr. Gary Wilkes, a local small animal veterinarian in Augusta. Having him as a father, not only taught me how to keep dogs Special Events and other animals Augusta Humane Society offers obedience classes twice healthy but how to HDFK \HDU ÂŹ)RU PRUH LQIRUPDWLRQ FDOO study behaviors of different breeds of Ongoing Adoption Events: dogs. That is what led PETCO to my career as a dog :DVKLQJWRQ 5RDG (YDQV trainer. I worked as a 6DWXUGD\V D P S P 6XQGD\V S P professional foxhunter for the past ten years, where I studied hounds PetSmart 225 Robert C. Daniel Parkway, Augusta in a pack situation. I 6DWXUGD\V D P S P still manage the Belle Meade Hunt kennel in Tractor Supply Thomson, Georgia, %REE\ -RQHV ([SUHVVZD\ QH[W WR 6DP¡V &OXE where I work with over 6DWXUGD\V DQG 6XQGD\V IURP S P fifty foxhounds. Petco has allowed me to pursue my passion with their positive reinforcement classes. If you are looking for large classes this is not the place for you. The majority of our classes here are anywhere from two to four dogs per class, at which we spend as much one on one time as possible. We also do private dog training where we can really focus on specific concerns that you and your dog or dogs are having. The classes are conducted right here in the store in front of a live audience. So don’t be afraid to let that little or big hairy best friend of coolness meet his star moment in one of my classes at Petco!

Available at Augusta-Richmond County Animal Services 5IKS 4IVM Π!

WHINE

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

LINE there are several things I love about America. (1) I was able to serve my country in tyhe u.s.air force. (2) that I am able to vote legally to put a crooked person in office. (3) As a taxpayer I get penalized. only iN ANERICA.

Sunday’s online updates at the marvelous Augusta Chronicle: Fatal stabbing in Augusta. Kroc Center closed by mechanical repair. Mass murder in Wisconsin. How in the hell can murder stories get in the way of a report on equipment failure. Nice cover photo last week. That was mighty white of you. Ruffin finally gets it done...almost. Great

Olympic column and Josh, you no more cared about curling than I did. It was the sight of those Scandinavian babes with their their magnificent stare down and oh so awesome cleavage that send you scurrying for a little me time in the bathroom. I know, I saw me do it. Then that sudden left handed turn into typical radical stupid think. Almost my boy. THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT A SPEEDING DEPUTY,JUST REMEMBER,THERE COULD BE A BURGLARY OR AN ARMED ROBBERY OR A HOME INVAISION OR A RAPE OR AN ASSAULT ON A CHILD OR ELDELY PERSON OR MANY OTHER CRIMES IN PROGRES HE IS REPONDING TO WHERE A SIREN AND BLUE LIGHTS MIGHT SCARE OFF THE BAD GUY, AS A DEPUTY,I WANT TO CATCH THE BAD GUY,BUT I DON’T DRIVE FAST WITHOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN MIND !!!

I live in Columbia County. But alot of my time is spent in downtown Augusta. As a matter of fact, many people I know in Columbia County spend alot of time in downtown Augusta. Anybody who is into art or original music spends alot of time in downtown Augusta. So this is not a matter of Augusta versus Evans/Martinez. Columbia County may have the Lady A Amphitheater but that doesn’t mean it has a vibrant art/music/ entertainment district. Until our “bedroom community” develops a thriving cultural scene I will continue to invest my time and money in downtown Augusta. So people ran in droves to buy chickens from a person who spoke up against any non-Christian kind of love. The non-sense they showed proved why there is no help for orphans who were brought into the world by way of man with woman. To the whiner challenging me on my “middle school” commentary on Ruffin’s ramblings. ..First. I tried to dumb my comments down so even HE could understand them. Secondly, I DO vote. And no amount of his mental meandering will change my view. In fact it reinforces my opinion of the intellect (or lack thereof) of the typical Obama voter...November 6th can’t come quickly enough... The NRA is a terrorist organization. Gun owners kill an average of 30,000 people a year in the United States. This is a greater number of deaths than caused by all other terrorist organizations combined in the entire history of America.

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Chick-Fil-A president Dan Cathy denied having an “agenda against anyone.” Yet, the “charitable” arm of Chick-Fil-A, an entity called WinShape, gave over $1.7 million dollars in 2009 to Anti-Gay goups: from Marriage and Family Legacy Fund ($994,199) to the Family Research Council ($1,000). It’s good to see that those “excess profits” went to the people that needed it the most - the ChickFil-A employees. What’s that? It didn’t. NEVERMIND! [P.S. I apologize because I know you have 10,000 Chick-Fil-A “whines” this week.....but hey,what can I say?]

where are they educating; because it is surely not in Richmond & Columbia county – KUDOS to Davidson, A.R. Johnson, Lakeside (???), and Greenbrier(???) ? Me: Romney sucks! My Brother: Since when is it a crime to be rich..you’re a classist. Me: When your money doesn’t come from raiding pensions, sending jobs overseas, and hiding your money in tropical tax free islands, I won’t hold it against you. Congrats to the GOP for once again having a candidate born with a silver foot in his mouth! As for Josh Ruffin’s recent Romney bashing column, if you don’t like what he has to say then keep on moving...it’s what I do when I get to Austin’s column. Austin - keep your wife. This is the ONLY time anything remotely intelligent came out of your mouth. Well, I just got back from voting. Or I should say I thought I was voting. When asked if I wanted a Republican, Demorcratic or non-Partisan ballot. I thought well the non-partisan would have everyone listed. I’m an Independant and I don’t like being told well give her a Republican one. Why. I don’t understand why we have three ballots. Boy, was I surprised. There wasn’t any congressman on the ballot and only incumbent Judges. I lost my vote. I want someone to fix this before November. The cost alone to generate three ballots instead of just one must be very expensive. Surely we are intelligent enough to decide between the canidates, whether Republican or Demorcratic or Independant.

On the river is where I’d rather stay… I get allergic hearing gun shots all day I just adore a penthouse view, not dealers, pimps and…poor people too. Did you know that a ‘Stick Figure Family’ decal on the rear window will reduce a vehicle’s rate of velocity by at least 20 percent? How bout.. University of D’AZZIZ NUTZ !

Who are these people in Augusta with “ educator” on their vehicle tags, and 9AUGUST2012

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