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Contributors Amy Alkon|James Allen|Greg Baker|Rob Brezsny|Sam Eifling|Brandi Freeman|Anna Caroline Harris|Matt Lane|Austin Rhodes|Josh Ruffin|Matt Stone|Tom Tomorrow|Jenny Wright

COVER DESIGN | KRUHU.COM Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

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WHINELINE Happy birthday this month to the Metro Courier newspaper! It is now 29 years old. Hope you all don’t mind, Spirit. You’ve been pretty inclusive in mentioning other papers at times. I believe it is the longest running black local newspaper, isn’t it? Hat’s off to Barbara Gordon! So Fate has a way of dealing with bad people. The 20-year-old rapist kills himself in jail and supposedly cancer has now killed “JoPa” who refused to say anything about a child molester in his own famed midst of a football locker. So fitting. What the heck does open house on th river mean? is that someplace in North Augusta? This is in response to the sanctimonious B.S. that was leveled at the so-called sanctimonious B.S. that was leveled at Austin Rhodes regarding Alvin Mason. This is not about how many times you and your friends have stuck your wicks in crazy, so stop personalizing the issue. This is about one instance only, in which,


again, Alvin Mason has not denied grabbing his wife by the throat and shoving her up against a wall. That’s not a false accusation. That’s fact. Someone needs to tell James Brown Arena to invest in a new sound system! recent article about the downtown ballpark be aware it is going to happen. our little boy mayor has got kenneth echols to run for district 7 commission seat and along with creative finacing by the taxpayers it will happen.echols retired from GSAU whom russell has been talking to help jumpstart the ballfield. folks should know that billy morris is behind all of this as anything done will benfit his hotel and parking deck. I don’t get these people who post ads to sell items on Craiglist but will not share any information over email. This is an internet based service and a large portion of buyers looking on Craigslist communicate via text or email almost exclusively. Doesn’t seem like a motivated seller to me. Here’s a tip - if you post an item on Craigslist for sale you need to be checking your email for responses regularly. Oh, and don’t forget to post

The sound of Steven Tyler singing the National Anthem.


The recent image of Steven Tyler in a bathing suit.

It holds 147 million items within three buildings on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., including 33 million books and other printed materials in 470 languages and 63 million manuscripts. It boasts the largest rare book collection in North America and the world’s largest collection of legal materials, movies, maps, sheet music and sound recordings. It’s the Library of Congress and, in 2010, 1.7 million people flocked to see its collections. Not going to D.C. anytime soon? It doesn’t matter, since all you have to do is visit There you’ll find some of the institution’s rarest collections. Want to peruse the sheet music for the 1876 campaign song “Hurrah! For Hays and Honest Ways!” No problem. You can even print the PDFs. While you’re waiting for those to print, you can peruse the pages of Alexander Graham Bell’s 1875 notebook. He was quite the doodler. And you thought Facebook was the ultimate time suck.

WERECOMMEND pictures to increase the number of hits on your post. Get over yourself. The Insider column as always, is simply posturing. The view must be great from the cheap seats. To all you folks who think you can drive:



The lane to turn right off of Doug Barnard onto Gordon Hwy is called an ACCELERATION LANE! Have you noticed the yield sign? Interesting, huh? It’s not there for decoration. You punch it! Austin Rhodes claims his childhood chores equate to prison labor. Let’s all drink a toast to his pity party.

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Whatever point he was trying to make was laughably incoherent. How does the oppression of his childhood chores excuse South Carolina’s anti-union policies which include undercutting wages with prison labor? Hello to the new Wal-Mart acoming to the Wrightsboro Road area! Now a lot more of us can reach it for all those low prices. And 300 jobs! Please explain to me why North Augusta police officers feel the need to be so overbearing. most of the young people in this area have, or intend to leave. This region has a few inviting areas but for a city to thrive and grow it has to be appealing to younger, educated, people who are motivated and forward thinking. God-forbid someone sees someone else having fun, or someone awake past 10

o’clock at night. I love how Austin Rhodes took credit for “breaking” the consolidation story. “Over three months ago!” he crowed. This concept has been kicked around for more than 10 years as the student populations in some schools exploded, while others stagnated. Stop the damn presses, y’all. I planned to attend a free showing of the documentary “Stars and Bars Aflame” about the Augusta race riot of 1970. This screening had been advertised for on January 16, 2011 (MLK Day) by flyers posted up and down Broad Street. When I walked by the building, however, there was no posted notice that any kind of event was scheduled that evening. When I tried to enter to inquire if the screening had been canceled, I was rudely

confronted by a woman who would not even answer my question regarding the scheduled showing of the film. I still don’t know if the film was shown that evening. Let’s see if Metro Spirit has “the stones” to print the salary of Mr. Ricardo Azziz - the new head-honcho of MCG...or... GHSU...or...ASU/MCG/GHSU...or whatever it is that they will soon be calling it. And just in case you’re wondering, the head of Augusta State University, William Bloodworth (or is that Bloodsworth?) makes $169,830 - if my memory serves me correctly. Wow. The only attribute one must possess to “walk on” to local successful collegiate basketball team: a faculty parent with a little local influence.

the terrible way the media had treaded Newt. Point taken. I assume this week he will blast them for missing the real story about how Newt was blackmailed by the Clinton Whitehouse. Apparently he is the only one of the two people who knew about this that is still alive. This is going to really throw Newt for a loop. Hey, I hate to tell you this, but your paper is boring. B-O-R-I-N-G. It ain’t nothin’ but a bunch of local politics. Commisioner this says that. Commisioner that says this. Blah, blah, blah. How boring can you get? Where’s all the intrestin stuff like the Nascar races, the huntin and fishin stories, the wrestlin news? And how about some pitchures of nekked girls with no clothes on. That’ll get something going for you.

I read Austin Rhodes’ editorial about

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Wednesday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

It’s Hard to be a Newspaperman

January 14, 2010 “The Augusta Chronicle is not directly affected by this step and remains profitable despite headlines that might make some think otherwise. We continue to hire new employees, pay our bills and serve the community in new and exciting ways.” — Don Bailey, Chronicle president July 19, 2011 Don Bailey, the president of the Augusta Chronicle, has resigned his position, effective immediately, to pursue other interests. January 18, 2012 on the Facebook (actual Don Bailey post) Shreveport friends. Sign up for Deal Chicken daily emails so you can receive the fantastic deals we feature everyday. Click the link below for details.50% off boudoir glamour photo shoot at VIP Photography January 20, 2012 on the Twitter (actual Don Bailey tweet) Don Bailey @donaldwbailey Reply Retweet Favorite · Open Okay, even I’m tempted to buy this Deal Chicken offer! 50% off a hot towel pedicure at The Shear Place Bailey Ouch. From a half-hearted attempt at blogging weeks before either resigning or being let go by the Chronicle to now humping Deal Chicken, being the president of a daily newspaper doesn’t seem as sexy as it used to be. Insiders hope the Chronicle’s new Commander in Chief is too busy working on finding new revenue streams to blog. Although it would be cool to hear some Sarah Palin stories! Bottom line, Don is a good man making the best of the situation. Whatever the reason for his leaving the daily, many at the paper are still stung by his abrupt departure.

Commission Roulette Although there are no current Richmond County districts to run in (until the new map is approved, supposedly in mid-February), a few candidates have made themselves known officially, while many more are talking behind the scenes about possible runs for the November elections. District 1. Matt Aitken has been considered a one-term commissioner since election night by many insiders. His voting patterns have left former supporters scratching their heads. Unofficially there are a few names being tossed around. Lori Davis and maybe even Willie Mays. If too many candidates file for his seat, Matt himself might even have a fighting chance. District 3. Joe Bowles is termed out. So far, Mary Fair Davis is in, and rumor has it Ed Enoch running. Mary was campaign manager for Deke’s first run, and her campaign manager is Clay Boardman. Speculation is Mary would be cut from the Barbara Sims cloth, getting along with everyone and not making waves. Ed, on the other hand, will be carrying baggage from being Hardie Davis’ campaign manager. That’s baggage because many in Augusta unhappy with his redistricting work at the capital. District 5. Bill Lockett will most likely run for reelection. District 7. Jerry Brigham is termed out. Donnie Smith has tossed his trooper’s hat in the ring, and at his announcement he was surrounded by a lot of dialed-in Augustans. Insiders say this is his race to lose. As an aside, he and Richmond County District Attorney Ashley Wright have been a pair for a while. Kenny Echols will be working hard to disrupt the courtship, however. District 9. J.R. Hatney is termed out. Look for Harold Jones and maybe Marion Williams to sign up.

A much more funner topic… Twitter! Marketing and Community Relations Manager Lindsey Thetford is the Best Person to Follow on Twitter according to Augusta Magazine’s 2011 Best of Augusta thing. And who can argue with them? Not only known for her… we’ll say testy… phone calls and emails to charity organizers and event planners who have unwittingly been given free publicity for their events by the Metro Spirit, she apparently can turn a phrase. If you haven’t already, join her Twitter feed now. Before you miss another bon mot. To wit: January 21 I really need to learn how to make the lettuce wraps! So delicious! January 20 Seafood Bruschetta - lobster claws, shrimp & crab in a creamy lobster sherry sauce served over rosemary crostini - I am in food heaven! January 19 Dinner! (@ Mellow Mushroom w/ 2 others) January 19 Coffee! (@ Dunkin’ Donuts / Baskin-Robbins w/ 2 others) January 18 I. need. coffee. We’re buying!

IF YOU’RE GONNA USE ME, AT LEAST USE ME RIGHT! Reservations appreciated (not required| free of charge)

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The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

A Divorce Is Needed in Columbia County If there has been a more faithful or better-respected municipal attorney in the CSRA than Doug Batchelor, I don’t know who it would be. A few dozen public officials have come and gone since he first became the chief counsel for the Columbia County Commission two decades ago, and in that time he has embarrassed his employers, um... never? Sure, there have been disagreements and points of order and misunderstandings, but not once has Doug Batchelor ever ended up on the front page of the paper after crashing his car into a parked truck, drunk as a billy goat, while leaving a boogiewoogie nightclub in the wee small hours of the night, like one of his predecessors did. Nor did he run up an exorbitant bill while on a “bond trip” at a ritzy, New York City hotel, charging large room service tabs (complete with champagne) to local taxpayers, in the same “wee small hours” mentioned above, like a fellow, local municipal attorney did some years ago. (That dude begged Billy Morris to keep it out of the paper, not because of the money involved, but because a sweet, young

“secretary” signed for the aforementioned champagne, in his room, no less. And yep, that detail was kept out of the story.) Nor has Batchelor ever been caught doing work for other clients while he was billing Columbia County for his exclusive services, the way we recently saw one of Augusta’s staff attorneys do. No, Doug Batchelor has never disgraced himself in such a way, because as far as I know, he is a man that is better than many I have known who hang a law degree on their wall.  But in the same way good people sometimes have to end a marriage because the trust in the relationship has been lost, occasionally business relationships are destined for the same fate. To say that Batchelor was tone-deaf the night of the December 6 Magnolia Trace commission meeting debacle would be a vast understatement. He did not see the reason for concern when several hundred pissed-off homeowners were ready to string Ron Cross up for his lackadaisical attitude

concerning the news that governmentsubsidized renters were about to set up residence in brand new housing that was nicer (and cheaper) than the decades-old middle-class neighborhoods surrounding it. Batchelor has had a ringside seat for the years of rhetorical butt whoopins’ Chairman Cross and his compadres have put on those sad individuals hoping to put up apartment complexes in their fair county. How he, or Cross, for that matter, thought that this was somehow a superior plan baffles me. But Cross, and his fellow Commissioner Trey Allen, have changed stories a few times about what they knew and when they knew it concerning Magnolia Trace. At this point, neither man is willing to throw Batchelor under the bus for what is believed to be a lack of proper background information on the true nature of the rent structure on the project, or the fact that it was rental property at all, for that matter. But I am told under no uncertain terms that neither knew Batchelor had ever done business with the project’s parent company, in the form of real estate closings, and that apparent

conflict of interest has become quite the bone of contention behind the scenes. Citizen activist Jennifer McCray, the first person to really call attention to a lot of this mess, confided in me early on that she believed there was a deeper connection between the Magnolia Trace developer and Batchelor. Quite frankly, I did not buy it. I was wrong. As we now know, Batchelor and his firm had done work for the company, and I have it on good authority that most of the Columbia County Commission had no idea there was such a relationship. Batchelor has said the transactions and connection were immaterial; so far, his elected supervisors have done nothing to show they disagree. But in opposition, I have several hundred taxpayers who say different, and I promise that figure will be parlayed into larger numbers shortly. A divorce may be coming in Columbia County, but will it be Doug Batchelor moving on, or the commissioners who foolishly chose to stand by their man?

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No Butts

Smoking ordinance sparks controversy

As the smoking ordinance inches forward to an eventual commission vote, the battle lines seem to be drawn, pitting the defenders of good health against the defenders of civil liberties. That’s a simplistic view, perhaps, but when you listen to those involved in the skirmish, that’s how it seems to be playing out. “When you start telling people, like someone who owns a garage, that they can’t smoke on their own property, you’re talking about people’s rights,” says Commissioner Wayne Guilfoyle, who is against the ordinance as it’s being proposed. On the other hand, you have Chronic Disease Prevention Coordinator Sadie Stockton, who characterizes the ordinance as simply an expansion of the rules that already exist. “Restaurants are currently covered V. 23 | NO. 04

by the statewide bill,” she says. “This would incorporate bars and parks and recreation centers into it as well, so instead of being able to smoke inside a bar, a person would have to step outside, which they’re already doing in restaurants.” At a recent workshop to once again go over the ordinance, the attending commissioners were equally divided, with Jerry Brigham and Corey Johnson supporting the ordinance and Guilfoyle and Mayor Pro Tem Joe Bowles against. Given such a stalemate, odds makers are having fun sizing up the rest of the commission, which Guilfoyle says will soon hear all the arguments and then

have the opportunity to formulate their own opinions. According to Stockton, that meeting is important because she feels that in spite of all the workshops and news stories, the general public continues to misunderstand the scope of the ordinance. “It seems like a lot of people in the community are thinking that this ordinance is saying they can’t smoke,” she says. “That’s not what it’s about. The ordinance would just restrict where people could smoke.” The ordinance would prohibit smoking in bars, parks and other outdoor locations. “It’s really just about trying to protect workers,” Stockton says. “In bars, for instance, a lot of the people working there are college students, and with the economy the way it is, a lot of people can’t find another job. So it’s about

protecting workers from secondhand smoke.” Guilfoyle sees it differently. “It’s a bar owner’s choice to be smoking or not,” he says. “A government shouldn’t be putting its nose in private business. If they want to impose it, impose it on their grounds only.” Government has no business making those kinds of decisions, he says, and besides — who would enforce it? While obviously not everyone agrees with that argument, he says people gave it a little extra consideration at the last workshop when Bowles brought up the idea of enforcing the ordinance at the Augusta National. “I don’t have a problem with them putting that ordinance in effect as long as it’s government property,” he says. “But when it comes to private citizens’ property — if smoking’s not illegal, don’t impose on people’s rights.” METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12


Rage Against the Machine


Harrisburg activist Lori Davis unloads on Augusta’s “Chicago-style” politics

The Metro Spirit sat down and talked with former mayoral candidate and Harrisburg activist Lori Davis. She chose to start with Harrisburg. “Like Sarah Palin said, you can’t put lipstick on a pig,” she says. “I get out of my car with my cell phone and my .38 – why should I have to live that way when we’ve been in a five-year battle?” Though she asks a lot of questions like that, she seldom waits for a response. In this case, she just keeps going, alleging that her five-year battle to take back Harrisburg has received no help from local officials. “We got more pushback than you’ve ever seen in your life,” she says. “We’re still getting it, and Harrisburg is continuing to get worse.” Outside of a couple of code enforcement officers and a member of the marshal’s office, she has nothing good to say about anyone in a position of power. Rather, she points to orchestrated government malfeasance at just about every level, all coordinated by the mostly unnamed movers and shakers in town, the so-called Cabal. “Law enforcement officers have been told to stand down in Harrisburg,” she says. “I know that for a fact. One officer told a friend of mine — he didn’t know it was a friend of mine — that I just needed to move.”

10 METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12

She first moved to Harrisburg in 2000, when she and her husband at the time were building a home in North Augusta. “We were living in Waters Edge and our house sold quicker than we thought it would,” she says. “We wanted to live somewhere close and inexpensive while we were building our 8,600-square-foot home over in the River Club, so we came to Harrisburg and bought that house. Our idea was to live there while the house was built and then move and rent it.” Divorce, however, changed the trajectory of her life. “There’s no way I could afford an 8,600 square-foot house — not even to pay the power bill, really — and I loved the Harrisburg area and the house,” she says. “So I moved back over here.” “Over here” is on Crawford Avenue, just down from Walton Way and the gates of Tubman Education Center. “You know how close Waters Edge is to Harrisburg, and do you think we had any problems over there?” she asks. “You didn’t have to be politically active — there was no reason to be, V. 23 | NO. 04

because when you called, people jumped because of where you lived.” When she moved to Harrisburg, she says, people stopped jumping. “Going from right over there at Waters Edge and moving right over here and being treated differently,” she says. “That’s what made me so mad.” And while she resents that difference, she’s also aware that even in Harrisburg, not everyone is treated the same way she is — or has the options she does. “It really bugs me because I don’t have to live in Harrisburg,” she says. “I know Harrisburg is a poor neighborhood and I choose to live in diversity — I don’t choose to live in a criminal element. I don’t like criminals and the fact that there are people in this town that are making tons of money off of drugs and prostitution. That really, really bothers me.” And it didn’t used to be that way, she insists. “Harrisburg was not like it is now,” she says. “We would never have bought our house if it was like it is

states. “Because the tentacles run so deep in this town that somebody’s making a buck all the way down the line. And we’re suffering while they’re all making money and building TEE Centers we don’t need and parking decks we don’t need and for Pete’s sake a baseball stadium we don’t need.” The corruption reaches far beyond Harrisburg, she says. “This Laney Walker overlay that just happened?” she says. “It’s because real estate companies — and I’m not going to name names — got $60 million in stimulus money and they’re going to go over there and build houses that these people can’t afford.” The commission unanimously approved the overlay district earlier this month. “Now, when they sell these houses, who gets that money?” she demands, again not waiting for a response. “All of these people who are ruining this town, because it’s all about money to them. They couldn’t care less about Harrisburg — they’re letting it rot while

members include Anne Catherine Murray, Rick Allen and Clay Boardman. “They’ve renovated one house in three years,” she says. “These are multimillionaires, by the way — they don’t have to work one weekend a month to renovate a house for a family, but they do. And they know how I feel about it, too. That’s why they don’t want to deal with me, because the truth hurts.” She says she and her group of activists have successfully worked at a grassroots level, often spending their own money on things like rebranding the neighborhood with a logo and special decorative flags, which were recently stolen. “But over here you have Turn Back the Block with highly influential people who are highly connected in this city who will not help us with the crime,” she says. “They have not lifted one finger to help with the crime and the prostitution and the drug dealing. Not one.” She pauses.

Davis, who has become one of the prime proponents of the idea of the Cabal, says she didn’t always believe in it. “Butch Palmer used to tell me back when I first met him that it was a conspiracy and I’d say, ‘It can’t be that bad — come on, we can take this neighborhood back and make it what we want it to be.’” Now, however, she believes in the conspiracy, which she sees this way: The police and government allow crime to continue in Harrisburg so that the property values continue to drop, which enables influential, moneyed people to come in and buy up the property for a song. “They probably couldn’t be brought to justice — you’d really have to get the FBI in here to see all the money laundering that goes on among these people and their shell LLCs,” she says. “We have proof of all of it, we just don’t know how to proceed right now. It’s no secret anymore, because we know all their LLCs, but the regular population doesn’t, and they see them

December 8, 2011 now. Never. Ne-ver.” Which brings her to the cornerstone of her current activism. “Harrisburg,” she says, “is being allowed to be this way.” In other words, she’s saying that Harrisburg, with its drugs and prostitution and violent crime, is being intentionally neglected. “That’s why nothing gets done,” she V. 23 | NO. 04

properties are being secretly bought up, because that’s the plan. And we know who’s buying them. We have all that information. And then they hide behind Turn Back the Block.” Turn Back the Block is an initiative of the Augusta-Harrisburg Fuller Center for Housing focused on returning Harrisburg to prosperity through home ownership. Board

“Is it a grand conspiracy?” she asks. “We think it is. We have proof, now.” Which brings the discussion to the Cabal, a term applied to the Augusta area by fellow civic activist Brad Owens, who comments about Augusta issues from out of the country. It refers to the interconnected group of special interests and personalities that he and Davis claim runs Augusta.

as philanthropists.” According to Davis, she has analysts pouring over documents and records proving that the behavior of these people is far from philanthropic. “They’re evil, is what they are,” she says. “Because they’re buying in certain areas where they are already privy to what’s going to happen, and that’s what’s wrong. I’m the one METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12 11

suffering every day living over there, and I’m not privy to this state-level information because I’m not in the group.” When asked about the names, she said she wasn’t ready to divulge them. “We’re trying to figure out what to do,” she says. “We’re treading fairly lightly on some of this, because…” She holds up a printout of what she identifies as a threatening Facebook message similar to one she received via email, which she claims her computer analyst traced back to someone located at the Augusta Chronicle. “You know, I wrote him back,” she says defiantly. “I said I’m armed 24/7 — it ain’t no biggie to me. And I am armed. I’m armed all the time.” She nods her head in the direction of where she keeps her gun. “I’m afraid of these people, honestly, but I can’t appear that way to them,” she says. “And then I come home and find my flag has been stolen — you know, everything we have done and everything we’ve gone through, and then to have people constantly destroying it because they would really like to get us out of there… it’s frustrating.” Knowing it and proving it, of course, are two different things. “I think the only thing we’re going to be able to do is to out these people at some point,” she says. “We won’t be able to prove the stuff that will send them to jail, but they are big society types and they care about what other people think of them. That’s the only recourse I can see, because I don’t think we could get the FBI in here, honestly, and that’s what needs to happen.” Davis, who grew up in Thomaston, Georgia, a small town about 60 miles south of Atlanta, knows she is something of an anomaly in Harrisburg, but she continues to stay. “I grew up with a grandfather who taught me diversity, and I spent a lot of time with him and understood

12 METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12

what diversity was back when I was a kid,” she says. “I have a mother and a father, but I spent as much time as I could with my grandfather.” Her grandfather’s dry goods store, Northside Discount, catered to people from all walks of life. “I learned a lot about society and who had money and who didn’t, and I learned to get along with both,” she says. “So I didn’t grow up in a racist family like a lot of kids my age, and I’m thankful for that — and that’s why I can live in Harrisburg and be okay with black, white, Mexican, rich, poor. I just can’t be okay with crime that’s allowed to take place.” Before running for mayor, Davis was involved in the sometimes-volatile Chronic Nuisance Property Ordinance (CNPO) debate. If it had been adopted, the ordinance would have forced owners of nuisance properties to deal with the city and law enforcement officials. “Chronic Nuisance Property Ordinances are put together for the two percent of landlords who do not want to comply with anything,” she says. “And that’s why it got squashed, because we have three that are in the two percent, and all three are white landlords.” Though she’s still enthusiastic about the concept behind the CNPO, she feels let down by the process, blaming the Augusta Law Department’s lack of understanding as well as the cross purposes she alleges from the Executive Director of the Planning Department George Patty, who was sitting on the CNPO committee while at the same time quietly pushing to make Harrisburg an Opportunity Zone, something she claims he did illegally. “I’m going to blow them out of the water on that,” she says. “I’m going to get an attorney and I’m going to sue the city, because it’s illegal and it’s got to be stopped. I haven’t brought it out totally before the commission — I’m

waiting for the right time to do this — but George Patty should be fired over it.” She’s also angry about how Augusta’s media covers the news, something that has driven her into being even more vocal, currently as a contributor to the Augusta Today Facebook site and, a website devoted to “Exposing the Stench of Augusta, GA Area Politics and the News that the Local Mainstream Media Ignores.” Augusta Today has 196 members and City Stink advertises 59 likes on Facebook. “I can’t give away a lot that we do because people might be harmed,” she says. “Me included. But the media is being muzzled. We’re just shocked that the media in this town is so threatened — they have to be, because there’s no other reason that they will not report the news that the people of this city need to hear.” She insists Augusta media is being intimidated by the Cabal into not reporting stories. “We’re being told one thing and getting another, and the people who are pocketing the money are the wealthiest in this town and this is how they’re doing it — and the media doesn’t care about that?” she asks incredulously. “I have no proof, but I’m assuming that they’re being threatened at the highest levels. Why else would the media be totally mum?” She also claims the Chronicle has banned some of her group from commenting on stories. “If you mention the name of Deke Copenhaver, Clay Boardman, Billy Morris, Julian Osbon or Margaret Woodard in any of your comments, they will ban you from commenting,” she says. “I told [Customer Service Director] Sean Moores that I was dropping my subscription to the Chronicle. You’re not going to allow us freedom of speech and we’re not calling anyone names — we’re telling you what’s going on.”

Given the problems she sees in Augusta, does she think her mayoral campaign, in which she received 18 percent of the vote, achieved anything? “Nothing,” is her first response, modified immediately by “I don’t know.” Then, she thinks about it for a moment. “At least when I go before the commission or go to oppose a zoning change, I have clout,” she says. “The people in this town know that when I come to their office or before the commission I have every I dotted and T crossed. They know you can’t buy me, too, and I think that’s what they fear. They fear people running for these offices that can’t be bought and can’t be told what to do.” Had she won, she says she would be governing with the full power of the office, which she insists is more than advertised and certainly more than is currently being used. Also, the city would have a different administrator. “Fred Russell would be gone,” she says. “I’d figure out a way to get rid of that man. He’s connected to the Cabal and making all their deals.” She says there is a distinct possibility she will run for the commission seat currently held by Matt Aitken. “How does Matt Aitken vote one week to get rid of Fred Russell and the next week vote to keep him?” she asks. “How does that happen?” While she says she’s actually being pushed to run for District 1, but isn’t totally sure she wants to undergo another campaign if, as she puts it, she’s not allowed to win. “I believe this is Chicago-style politics right here in Augusta, Georgia,” she says. “But after having my flag stolen and after seeing how Matt Aitken votes…” She thinks for a moment. “They’re trying to get all this stuff pushed through before they lose all these puppets they have,” she says. “That’s exactly what’s happening.”

V. 23 | NO. 04


Racing at Wildwood


Columbia County gives boat racing another try

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If all goes according to plan, Columbia County’s Wildwood Park is going to get loud.

Really, really loud. According to Community and Leisure Services Director Barry Smith, the 975-acre park will be hosting a boat race of its own when the Carolina Virginia Racing Association pulls into town June 22-24. Though a far cry from Augusta’s Southern Nationals, which brings in boats capable of 235 mph and offers nearly $150,000 in prize money, Smith said the race is the kind of crowd-pleasing event the county is eager to build upon. “It would be something different out at the park,” he said. “It’s something interesting and new, and I think we need to promote this heavy to get folks in here.” Admittedly, the county doesn’t have a lot of experience with hosting racing boats, and what experience it does have wasn’t really all that positive. In fact, it is still considered something of a dud. “That was a drag boat race we had,” Smith said. “It was like a straight shot and really the area was too small and the viewing vantage just wasn’t there.” This race, he explained, will be different. For one thing, boats will race on an oval track, and the track itself is going to be right off the cove where the six-lane mega ramps are located. Both runabouts and hydroplanes will race, he said. The runabouts will use stock outboards and the hydroplanes will use inboards. Speeds could range from 40 miles per hour upwards of 100. The uniqueness of the event is that competitors will be as young as 16, something that helps the event become a financial success for the county. While adult racers are likely to travel with their families, young racers are pretty much assured of it, and as far as the county is concerned, success is all about the number of people. “We’re blocking some hotel rooms for them,” Smith said. “But a lot of them have motor homes and trailer their boats behind them, so we’re reserving some motor home sites at Wildwood for them, too.” Reserving the rooms, of course, doesn’t mean paying for them, and while hosting the event does require a financial commitment — a $1,000 hosting fee for starters, plus providing the required safety elements like an ambulance and the dive team — Smith said the race will provide its own banquet, which was a little unexpected. “Sometimes, that’s a deliverable on our part,” he said. “But they’re going to pay for it, so it’s a win-win.” Like the bass fishing tournaments the county frequently lures to Wildwood — tournaments like the BFL qualifier set for March 3 that will bring in 250 anglers — the county hopes to cash in on lodging, food and other shopping, which makes the $1,000 and the hoops they sometimes have to jump through worth it. “They said to expect 200 people,” Smith said. “There will be 80 boats, but you’ll have spouses and children and other family, which if they spend money on hotels and in retail makes a financial impact.” That impact is why the county uses its share of the hotel/motel tax to pay the host fees and why the Convention and Visitors Bureau uses its share to try to attract events similar to it. V. 23 | NO. 04

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14 METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12

V. 23 | NO. 04


Book Drive

They built it, they just can’t seem to fill it At a tour of the library facilities during the Lady Antebellum ticket sale, Commission Chairman Ron Cross saw something that didn’t seem right — empty shelves. The Columbia County Library, the county’s flagship library in Evans, wasn’t full. According to Libraries Manager Mary Lin Maner, the demands of replacing books and updating the existing collection make it virtually impossible to fill the empty space without some extra money. In fact, she conducted a study and determined that it would take approximately $28,000 to fill the children’s section and about $20,000 to fill the empty shelves in the adult fiction and nonfiction section. The one group that seems to be okay is the young adults. “When we do our reading reports on what hasn’t circulated in two years — that report always has about six titles,” Maner said. “So she’s good. Everything

in there circulates.” All told, the library has about 100,000 book items, approximately 1,400 audio books and around 8,000 DVDs. Even though the library is having a difficult time making ground on the empty shelves, it’s certainly spending money on books. “In the general fund, we have about $60,000 for books, which is generally spent in its entirety every year,” said Barry Smith, who, as director of the Community and Leisure Services Division, oversees the libraries. “I did make a plea to the library board to allocate $100,000 for books annually, which they agreed to do, and we spend that every year.” The Friends of the Library, the group that operates the little bookstore just inside the library doors, generates

about $60,000 a year, giving the library anywhere from $25,000 to $50,000, which is also spent. A major problem has been the dramatic decrease in the amount of money it receives as a member of the regional system. “We used to get $84,000 a year for books,” Smith said. “That went down to $1,600, so I’ve been hammering away at trying to change that.” Cross, who wants to fill the shelves, asked Administrator Scott Johnson to look for a funding source to help, and though willing, Johnson expressed a degree of hesitancy, given the timing. “I guess it depends on the immediate need, but what I’d prefer to do is go through

the budget cycle and possibly amend the library budget if it’s insufficient and to also look at how we finish the year before we take that kind of money out of the contingency,” he said. Early Tuesday, county staff met at the Government Center to discuss the upcoming budget process. “I would like to be cautious with the general fund at this time,” he said. “But certainly it’s something where we will have money left over and we will be able to apply it for this particular purpose.”

Be safe (and warm) this winter! Sig Cox will check all of your heating system’s connections, the gas pressure, burner combustion and your heat exchanger (A dirty burner or cracked heat exchanger causes improper burner operation). Improperly operating gas (or oil) heating systems are a fire hazard and can contribute to health problems.

Call today to schedule your pre-season checkup. 706.722.5304 V. 23 | NO. 04

METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12 15


SOPA Stopped (For Now) If you are reading this, first of all, let me say congratulations. We’re still alive. If you weren’t aware, on Sunday night, a solar flare caused the largest coronal mass ejection since 2005. The Earth passed through this glob of charged matter during the day on Tuesday. In other years, this would likely cause only minor disruptions in satellite navigation, satellite communications and maybe the rerouting of flights over the poles. However, with the Earth scheduled to meet its doom in December of this year, I suspect this storm will cause significantly more chaos. Since we’re still here, the lead-lined walls of the Metro Spirit command center must of held and allowed the courageous Metro Spirit staff to complete their work and deliver goodness to the freshly radiated Garden City. No doubt that the rate of mutation will accelerate rate due to the radiation, but as for now, we’re alive. Last week, the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) got whacked for a bunch of hit points. Last Wednesday Wikipedia, Google and other websites staged an online protest. For its part, Wikipedia completely blacked out its English language website in a symbolic reference to the censorship provisions of the legislation. The protests capped a several-week push by opponents to raise awareness and mobilize opposition. On Friday, the U.S. House and Senate leadership acknowledged the political pressure and postponed votes on the matter. Is SOPA dead? Unlikely. Think about it this way. Prior to the creation of the VCR, big media producers (radio, TV, film, publishing) dominated the consumer due to the total control they exerted over distribution. Quite simply, when you only have a few choices, you don’t have much control over what you get or how much you

pay. Starting with the VCR, technology facilitated a transfer of power back to the consumer. Today, virtually anyone can create content for worldwide distribution. The provisions of SOPA fundamentally have one primary effect: to impose policing actions on website operators so that publishing internet content becomes cost prohibitive for anyone other than the big media companies. The voice of the consumer was heard this week, but the battle isn’t over. I need to apologize to our loyal readers that I have been negligent in discussing one the most entertaining, yet least appreciated, technologies. Of course, I am talking about Cooking Tech. I can see your expression already, but be honest… who doesn’t like browsing the shelves of Williams Sonoma for the latest kitchen gadget? With the Super Bowl a week away, now is the time to Super Saver ship your cooking gear. So here’s a couple of items to munch on… The Georgia climate provides us the luxury of year-round outdoor cooking, so let’s start with the grill. The new Char-Broil Grill2Go ICE infrared gas grill provides a great infrared cooking experience. Designed to travel with 7.5-inch knobby tires and a built-in cooler, the Grill2Go will be there for all your tailgating, home or away. Is there anything in the App Store that can help you cook great steak? But, of course. The iGrill Bluetooth-enable wireless thermometer connects to your iPhone to monitor your food from up to 200 feet away. The Cooking Time Remaining feature lets you know when to put the sides in the oven so everything finishes at the same time. Spend the rest of your day socializing, and your iPhone will alert you when it’s time to eat! Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet @gregory_a_baker. L8R.

AUGUSTATEK Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.

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WEATHER REPORT By Finn Vigeland / Edited by Will Shortz

86 Many wonks 88 Scat syllable 89 One of the Everly Brothers 90 Fate 91 Fictional Simon 92 Esteem 94 Rolling ___ (rich) 96 Kaput 98 Overseas Mr. 99 Austrian physician who lent his name to an English word ending in “-ize” 100 Propose 102 “True Colors” singer, 1986 104 Roam 105 Letters on some N.Y.C. luggage 108 Actress Tyler 111 Subject of a Vatican investigation 114 Artificial plot device 118 “The Conqueror,” e.g. 119 “___ it” (“Understood”) 120 Some bills have them 121 Dolls 122 Brit’s teapot cover 123 Like some boards DOWN 1 Chewed stimulant 2 Precious girl’s name? 3 In the event that 4 2000 title role for Richard Gere 5 LL Cool J’s “Going Back to ___” 6 “Lemme ___!” 7 “That is quite clear” 8 Directional suffix 9 “Shut your trap!” 10 Nudists 11 Nascar Hall of Fame architect 12 Part of a security system 13 It’s lowered to hear music 14 Taft’s partner in a 1947 act 15 Light reflection ratio 16 R.S.V.P. facilitator: Abbr. 17 Tolkien creature 18 Pharmacies fill them, in brief 21 Fourth letter after 49-Down 23 Leaf pores 29 You probably raise your arm for this 31 It’s north of the South 32 Stock page listings: Abbr. 34 Big Apple team

35 Side (with) 36 Heroic deeds 37 ___ Hall (site on many a campus) 38 Attacked 39 Shows that can be racier than their network counterparts 40 Nest maker 41 Cheating 45 Angry Birds, e.g. 47 Manipulate to one’s advantage 49 Fourth letter before 21-Down 53 Track ___ 54 Prison unit 57 Security Council veto 58 Mine transport 61 ___ kwon do 63 Put away 65 Big name in frozen desserts 67 72-Across and others: Abbr. 68 “Cagney & Lacey” org. 69 Bazooka, e.g. 70 Yokel 71 Martial-arts master 76 Lady 77 Villa, e.g. 79 Portuguese king 81 Tart drink 82 Doc’s reading 85 Battle wear 87 Bond 89 Tediously didactic 90 North Korean leader or his father 93 White Rabbit’s cry 95 Certain skiing competition 97 California beach town with a racetrack 101 Vicious 103 Doll 106 Player of golf 107 Climax 108 The euro replaced it 109 Signs 110 One with a neck and a lip 111 “I can’t get excited about it” 112 Bit of investors’ news, for short 113 ___ Tin Tin 115 I, to Tiberius 116 Struck 117 Laugh syllable










19 22 26























104 114


105 116

























82 86






100 102










































32 42







12 21

27 30









ACROSS 1 DNA testing might reopen one 9 Uses a 13-Across on 13 “Star Trek” weapon 19 Person who’s a zero? 20 What will the French think of next? 21 Troop group 22 Dream setting 24 After-dinner choices 25 PC key 26 Some online communications, for short 27 QB Tebow 28 Thérèse de Lisieux, for one 30 :D, e.g. 33 Battle-ax 37 Grp. that coordinates E.T.A. and E.T.D. 40 Letter-shaped girder 42 Basis of a lawsuit 43 “By ___!” 44 Slip-on 46 Places for rings, maybe 48 Humble response to praise 50 Organ repair sites, briefly 51 Polished 52 ___ B. Driftwood (“A Night at the Opera” role) 53 Org. that may assess violence levels 54 PBS flagship station 55 Part of a pinochle round 56 Former U.N. secretary general Kofi ___ 58 Get ready to drive 59 x, y and z 60 Scot’s “not” 61 Ousted from the ring, for short 62 TV station, e.g. 64 Cicely or tarragon 66 Weather comment represented visually by this puzzle’s circled letters 72 Major artery through San Antonio 73 Plant tissue 74 Hunted 75 TV tavern keeper 76 Bud 78 Feel (for) 80 The Mediterranean has a warm one 82 Shade of a swan’s bill in a Keats poem 83 Kindergarten stuff 84 Gravitate 85 Not cheating






108 117










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METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12 17


Go for It, Rick

Santorum will never win, but just imagine what would happen if he did


In case you haven’t been paying attention to the self-immolating circus that is the Republican primary season — and no one is, besides political crackheads and hack columnists who have nothing better to do during a freaking cross-country move — it was just announced last week that Rick “Deacon Douche” Santorum actually won the Iowa caucus, and not Mitt “Mr. Fantastic” Romney. On top of that, he won by 69 votes, instead of the original eight-vote margin by which Romney was originally reported to have won. Still, if you know anything about caucuses, you know that this still pretty much makes that particular contest a wash. Trying to declare a winner by a margin that infinitesimal is like trying to figure out which Christopher Walken is winning a staring contest: the answer is always both and always neither. So yes — this is a Rick Santorum column, though, in a remarkable exhibition of self-restraint, it is not centered on the hilarious coincidence between a Santorum win and the number 69. This renewed interest in the not-even-senator and his campaign will likely fizzle out in the next few months, but for now it’s given 24-hour pundits something to talk about for the next couple of days, so there’s no reason I can’t build a column around it. And so, invoking the Patton Oswalt mantra “Hang on hippies, I’m being ironic,” let’s proceed. A Santorum nomination, even a win, could be the best thing to happen to gay activism in this country since the rainbow bumper sticker. If we’re putting all our money on the reactionary factor, that is. Think about it: When Obama secured the nomination, and then the win, the verbal diarrhea flowed forth from the conservative opposition like a certain word that rhymes with “Zantorum.” Here is a list of things that Obama was accused of being after becoming President of the United States: Muslim Secret Muslim Secret baby-killing Muslim Hippie Socialist Hippie Socialist Black Panther Satan The real author of “Catcher in the Rye” MMMMUUSSSSSSLLLLIIIIMMMMMM! And so on. Even today, every time I make the drive down I-75 from Milledgeville to Fitzgerald, I see a billboard emblazoning, I imagine in the same accent James Woods sported in “Mississippi Burning,” “Where’s the Birth

Certificate?” The answer of course, besides “the internet,” is “the same crate as the Ark of the Covenant.” Of course, none of those charges are true, and I’ll leave the issue of whether or not socialism is actually a bad thing for another column that I’ll never write. In reality, Obama has exhibited an almost naïve willingness to work with congressional conservatives, one that has seen almost no furthering of his agenda. He’s recently begun to play hardball, so kudos to him. For comparison, this is a list of things that Santorum has been accused of saying or doing, all of which he totally said or did: Consenting adults have no right to sexual privacy. All forms of birth control should be outlawed. Homosexual couples have no rights with regard to visitation, inheritance, adoption or, really, anything else. Homosexual relationships can lead to polygamy, child rape and sex with dogs. Anti-sodomy laws would prevent acts that “undermine the basic tenets of our society and the family.” That’s just from the now-infamous 2003 AP interview, which Santorum has since clarified to mean… well, exactly what he said. Again, if you are a decent human being with feelings and original thoughts, then you know that all of those statements are as intellectually valid as most YouTube user comments. It’s like Santorum can’t stop the lava-like flow of Santorum gushing from his face-hole. But can you imagine — can you imagine — the backlash that would occur should Santorum somehow unseat Obama? Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New York, Washington D.C. and Iowa all allow same-sex marriage. Washington State is, at the point I’m writing this, two votes away from legalizing it. California, Colorado, Maryland, Oregon, Nevada, Maine and Rhode Island all recognize same-sex unions performed in other states. It’s legal in all of Canada. Canada! They’re most famous for maple syrup and hockey, and they’re collectively more progressive than the supposed mightiest nation on the planet. So go for it, Rick. Ride the momentous wave of you-know-what all the way to the White House. Your blackened, hateful soul is a waste of a human vessel, and you will be made painfully aware of it during those hypothetical four years. And if you don’t make it, never fret: You can always find comfort in the charred nether-regions of the Fox News pundit job that inevitably awaits you.

ASU and Metro Spirit alum Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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per Time Pa



V. 23 | NO. 04




The Mighty Dmytrio will make the impossible seem easy. Camels, ponies and horses will dance. The Havana Troupe will defy gravity with their acrobatics routine. But the real stars of Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey’s Barnum Bash will be the elephants, and Augusta families will have a chance to see them up close at the free Elephant Brunch on Thursday, February 2, at 10:30 a.m. by the Champions Box Office. You won’t believe how much they can eat.

James Brown Arena | Thursday, February 2, 7 p.m. Friday, February 3, 10:30 a.m., 7 p.m. Saturday, February 4, 3 and 7 p.m. Sunday, February 5, 2 p.m. $21-$37 | 877-4AUGTIX V. 23 | NO. 04

METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12 19

ENTERTAINMENT inspired by images and lifestyles of the rural south, shows at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through February 29. Call 706-8264700 or visit From Mild to Wild, an exhibit by Ron Buttler, shows through January 30 at Hitchcock Health Center in Aiken, and features oil landscapes and mixed media. Call 803-278-0709 or visit John Glave Photography Exhibit shows through January 30 at Aiken Center for the Arts, and features an opening reception Thursday, January 12, from 6-8 p.m. Call 803-278-0709 or visit The Annual Quilt Exhibition has been extended until January 31 at The Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 706-724-3576 or visit Working South: Paintings and Sketches by Mary Whyte shows through March 11 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706724-7501 or visit


Looking for a comedian who’ll make the whole family laugh without having to worry about covering the little ones’ ears? Then make plans to attend Family Comedy Night Friday, January 27, at 7:30 p.m. at Fat Man’s Mill Cafe. Sponsored by 88.3 WAFJ, it features Leland Klassen, Canada’s premier clean comedian. $10. Call 803-819-3125 or visit


Artist Talk with Ted Saupe is Thursday, February 2, from 3:30-5 p.m. at Augusta State University’s University Hall, Room 170. Reception to follow. Call 706-6674888 or visit Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit Winter Classes, for adults and teens ranging in subject from visual arts to bridge and yoga, begin in January and run through the end of March at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Preregistration, which is required for all classes, is going on now. Call 803-64120 METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12

9094 or visit


African American Trailblazers of Augusta opens Wednesday, February 1, and shows through March 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. $2-$5. Call Christine Miller-Betts at 706-724-3576 or email Local Color: Photography of the South shows through January 29 at the Morris Museum of Art, and features work by some of the South’s most important photographers. The Exhibition Closing reception is Thursday, January 26, from 6-8:30 p.m. and features conversation with the artists and heavy hors d’oeuvres. Free for members; $5 for nonmembers. Call 706-724-7501 or visit LeMay Art Exhibit shows February 2-February 28 at the Aiken Center for the

Arts, and features the work of local artists Ann and Bill LeMay. Call Mary McCullah at 803-278-0709 or visit Drawing on the Past shows through February 9 at the Mary S. Byrd Gallery of Art at Augusta State University, and features the work of artist Ted Saupe. Call 706-667-4888 or visit Aiken Retrospective: Yesterday and Today shows through January 27, at the Aiken Center for the Arts, and includes pieces by artists 18 and older. Jennifer Onofrio Fornes was the judge. Call 803-641-9094 or visit

Gospel Extravaganza, featuring Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold, Chosen Generation, Brothers in Christ, The Augusta Kroc Center Songsters, Jena Harris, The Salvation Army Youth Praise Band, the Good Samaritan Male Chorus, Georgia Central District Choir, Joy Products, the Augusta Kroc Center Band and the New Passion Worship Team, is Saturday, January 28, from 1-6 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Free and open to the public. Call 706-922-8338 or visit Art as a Window to the Mind: The Music and Mystique of Johnny Mercer is Thursday, February 2, from 6-8:30 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art, and features music performed by Dr. Stewart Shevitz and Lynda Shevitz. Reception follows. Free for invited guests and museum members. Call 706-724-7501 or visit

The work of Nicholas Bass, Anna Patrick, Joey Hart, Ethan Brock and Heather Warren shows through the month of January. Visit

The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706364-4069 or visit

Lenn Hopkins exhibit, featuring work


Maxwell Morning Book Club is Thursday, V. 23 | NO. 04

January 26, at 10 a.m., at Maxwell Branch Library, and features a discussion of “The Elegance of the Hedgehog.” Call 706-793-2020 or visit

meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call Tim at 706-399-2477.

“Diverse Dialogue with Passion” Book Signing and Discussion is Saturday, January 28, from 1-4:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library, and features Dr. Daniel O. Black, associate professor of English at Clark Atlanta College and author “Twelve Gates to the City,” his fourth novel. Call Sheryl James at 706-821-2600 or email jamess@


Queen of the Confederacy lecture is Saturday, January 28, at 3 p.m. at the Aiken County Public Library, and features a discussion, led by Emily Cooper, about Lucy Pickens, wife of South Carolina’s Civil War Governor Francis Pickens. Call 803-642-7575 or visit Call for Authors! Headquarters Branch Library is hosting its inaugural Augusta Literary Festival March 3 and is looking for authors to read and sell their published work. Visit for info. Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be give out. Categories are middle and high school, adults and seniors. Visit Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit


Tango Night is Thursday, January 26, from 7-9:30 p.m. at Casa Blanca Cafe, 936 Broad Street. Call 706-504-3431 or visit Shen Yun performs Tuesday, January 31, at 7:30 p.m. at Bell Auditorium, and features a presentation of classical Chinese dance and music. $52-$102. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit Real Dance Music is every Thursday from 8-11 p.m. at Rosehill Estate in Aiken, and features jazz and party music. Call 803-648-11-81 or email stephen@ Belly Dance Class is every Tuesday at 4 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Call 706-556-0594 or visit Augusta International Folk Dance Club V. 23 | NO. 04

“Wrong Window” is Friday, January 27, and Saturday, January 28, at 8 p.m. at the Aiken Community Playhouse. $7-$20. Call 803-648-1438 or visit “The Princess and the Pea,” presented by Storyland Theatre, is Saturday, January 28, at 3 p.m. at the Imperial Theatre. $5. All active duty military personnel and their families get in free with military ID. Call 706-736-3455 or visit


“Revanche,” Austria’s 2009 Academy Awards submission in the foreignlanguage film category, shows Monday, January 30, at 7 p.m. at ASU’s University Hall room 170. $2; free with JagCard. Call 706-729-2416 or visit Early Release Day Movie is Wednesday, February 1, from 4-6 p.m. at the North Augusta Branch Library, and features a family-friendly film. Call 803-642-7575 or visit “Marian Anderson: A Portrait in Music” shows Thursday, February 2, at noon at Headquarters Branch Library. Bring your lunch. Call 706-821-2600 or visit

Special Events

33rd Annual Augusta Futurity continues through Saturday, January 28, at the James Brown Arena. Times vary. $5-$35. Call 1-877-4AUGTIX or visit Family Comedy Night is Friday, January 27, at 7:30 p.m. at Fat Man’s Mill Cafe, and features Canadian comedian Leland Klassen. Sponsored by 88.3 WAFJ. $10. Call 803-819-3125 or visit Augusta Invitational Texas Hold ‘Em Tournament, sponsored by Adas Yeshurun Synagogue, is Sunday, January 29, at the Ramada downtown. Doors open at 12:30 p.m.; play begins at 1:30 p.m. $150 entry, with pre-registration required. Call 706-312-2660 or email Columbia County Chamber of Commerce’s Seventh Annual Banquet is Tuesday, January 31, at 4:30 p.m. and features a cocktail reception, dinner meeting and awards presentation. Email METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12 21 Elephant Brunch is Thursday, February 2, at 10:30 a.m. at the James Brown Arena by the Champions Box Office. Free and open to the public. Visit Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Barnum Bash is Thursday, February 2-Sunday, February 5, at the James Brown Arena, and features international acts The Mighty Dymtrio, The Havana Troupe and more. $21-$37. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix. com. The 191st Convention of the Episcopal Diocese of Georgia is Thursday, February 2-Saturday, February 4, at St. Paul’s Church downtown, and features Evensong with the St. Paul’s Choir on Thursday at 6 p.m. and The Holy Eucharist on Friday at 5 p.m. Visit convention. georgiaepiscopal. org.

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Woodrow Wilson are Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on the hour at 415 Seventh Street. $3-$5; free for children under 5. Groups of 10 or more need a reservation. Call 706-724-0436 or visit Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from

rate “revanche,” austria’s 2009 academy awards submission monday, january 30, at asu

Uptown Down South Preview Party at the Antiques in the Heart of Aiken Show & Sale is Thursday, February 2, from 7-9 p.m. at the Aiken Center for the Arts, and features Southern desserts, champagne and live music. $70 admission includes a weekend show pass. Available at Aiken Center for the Arts. The Show & Sale is Friday, February 3-Sunday, February 5. Call 803-641-9094 or visit Call for Models! Fort Gordon Thrift Shop is looking for models for its fashion show on Wednesday, February 8, from 11 a.m.-1 p.m. All ages welcome. Call Christie Wilder at 254-217-1595 or email Tours of the Boyhood Home of President

1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit The 2012 Miss Georgia Peach Scholarship Competition is Saturday, March 17, at the Pettigrew Center at Fort Valley State University. Georgia girls, ages 4-24, are eligible. Entry deadline is March 10. Visit


Weight Loss Seminar is Thursday, January 26, at Georgia Health Sciences Cancer Center. Free. Call 706-721-2609 or visit Georgia Health Sciences Medical Center Board meets Thursday, January 26, from 10 a.m.-noon at Georgia Health Sciences Children’s Medical Center (Room 2006). V. 23 | NO. 04

Call Jennifer Hilliard Scott at 706-721-8604 or email

Pre-registration required. Call 800-3228322 or visit

Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m. at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706481-7604 or visit

Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is every Monday at 6 p.m. and Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Call 706-774-5548 or visit

Bariatric Seminar is Thursday, January 26, from 6-7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital (South Tower, Classroom 1), and features weight loss information, presented by Drs. Michael Blaney and Darren Glass. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706651-4343 or visit Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, January 26, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital (Medical Office Building One, Suite 310). Call 706-651-BABY or visit Introduction to Infant CPR is Thursday, January 26, from 7-8:30 p.m. at University Hospital’s lobby. Preregistration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit Weekend Childbirth Education is Friday, January 27, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. and Saturday, January 28, from 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m. at University Hospital Education Center (third floor). Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit Childcare and Babysitting Safety Program is Saturday, January 28, from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta, and features instruction for students ages 11-14. $30, and includes lunch. Call 706481-7604 or visit Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for non-members. For more information and registration, call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit Moving More, Watching Less is Monday, January 30, from 6-7 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (sixth floor, Classroom A & B), and features information for kids, teens and their parents. A healthy meal will be included. V. 23 | NO. 04

On Being a Girl is Tuesday, January 31, from 6-9 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta and is designed for girls ages 9-12. Students must be accompanied by a female relative or friend. $10 per person. Call 706-481-7604 or visit Understanding Cardiac Medications is Wednesday, February 1, at 8:25 a.m., 9:25 a.m. and 1:55 p.m. at University’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 2). Call 706-774-3278 or visit

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Heart Attack and Stroke Survivor Photo and Breakfast is Wednesday, February 1, at 8:30 a.m. at University Hospital’s front lawn. Participants receive a free T-shirt and breakfast. Pre-registration required. Call 706-828-2502 or visit Wow! Walk is on Wednesday, February 1, from 11 a.m.-1 p.m. at University’s Heart & Vascular Institute, and features information on heart health and exercise. Walks begin outside of the institute. Visit Cribs for Kids, presented by Safe Kids East Central, is Thursday, February 2, from 5:45-8 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Children’s Medical Center (Building 1010C), and features information on how to provide safe sleeping environments for children. $10 per child, and includes a portable crib, fitted sheet, sleep sac and pacifier. Preregistration required. Call Rene Hopkins at 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth. org/safekids. Center for Women Tour is Thursday, February 2, from 7-8 p.m. at Doctors Hospital (Medical Office Building 1, Suite 310). Pre-registration required. Call 706651-BABY or visit Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual ½-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, non-members. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9662 or visit

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Multiple Sclerosis Support Group meets Monday, January 30, from 6-7:30 p.m. at Augusta MS Center at Georgia Health Sciences Medical Center (sixth floor). Call Rhonda Casillas at 706-721-8664 or visit

Insulin Pumpers meet Thursday, January 26, from 6-7 p.m. at University Hospital (Cafeteria Dining Room 1). Call 706-8683027 or visit universityhealth. org. A.W.A.K.E. Sleep Apnea Support Group meets Thursday, January 26, from 7-9 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Children’s Medical Center (Family Resource Room, first floor). Preregistration required. Call Penny Mehaffey at 706-721-0793 or visit

Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital (Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building). All burn survivors and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-651-6660 or visit

Narcotics Anonymous, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. Call 706-855-2419 or visit AA Meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (Aurora Pavilion), and features an open discussion. Call 800322-8322 or visit aikenregional.

24 METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12

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Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Building 1010C. Call 706-7219351 or visit The Lunch Bunch Bereavement Grief Support Group meets Wednesday, February 1, from noon-1 p.m. at Aiken

Regional Medical Center (Dining Room A). Attendees may bring their lunch, or purchase lunch in the cafeteria. Preregistration required. Call Cathy Cole at 803-641-5389 or visit Cancer Support Group meets Wednesday, February 1, from noon-1 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (Dining Room A). Pre-registration required. Call Cathy Cole at 803-641-5389 or visit Spine Education and Support Group meets Wednesday, February 1, from 1-2:30 p.m. at University Hospital (Levi Hill III Auditorium). Call April Matthews at 706774-2760 or visit Weight Loss Support Group meets Thursday, February 2, at 7 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta (Sister Mary Louise Conference Room). Open to anyone suffering from ailments related to obesity. Visit The First Step Divorce Recovery Workshop will be held Sundays, February 5-March 11, at 4 p.m. at First Baptist Church. Free childcare provided through age 5. Workshop led by Dr. Wayne Hunsucker. Call 706-738-0443.

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More, Not Less

Can Eating Too Few Calories Stall Your Metabolism?

If you’re like most people who want to lose weight, you want to lose it fast. So you may be tempted to make drastic changes in your diet to dramatically reduce the number of calories you consume. But what you may not know is that eating too few calories can actually backfire and sabotage your weight-loss efforts.

Calories and Your Health

The most effective way to lose weight is to consume fewer calories than you expend, creating a calorie deficit. But if your calorie intake dips too low, your body could go into starvation mode. Your body will start to store fat because it thinks it is not going to get anything. You will be at a point where your body is kind of at a standstill. When your body goes into starvation mode, your metabolism slows to a crawl, burning calories as slowly as possible to conserve its energy

stores. This is why people who cut their calories too much may reach a plateau and stop losing weight. Eating too few calories can be the start of a vicious cycle that causes diet distress. When you cut your calories so low that your metabolism slows and you stop losing weight, you probably will become frustrated that your efforts are not paying off. This can lead you to overeat and ultimately gain weight. It’s hard to sustain cutting calories and eating too little. What typically happens is that the person will go in the opposite direction; they will just become too hungry and go into a binging mode. Because you are getting

frustrated by not seeing any weight loss, you just sort of throw in the towel. In addition to sabotaging your weight-loss efforts, eating too few calories can also harm your health. When your body goes into starvation mode, you are at increased risk for the following: Abnormally low blood pressure and slow heart rate Heart rhythm abnormalities Electrolyte imbalances, especially potassium deficiency Gallstones Hair loss Brittle fingernails Loss of menstrual periods in women Soft hair growth over entire body Dizziness Trouble concentrating Anemia Swelling in your joints Brittle bones Depression

Coming to Terms with Calories

Remember that calories are not your enemy. They are a vital part of a healthy and energetic life. Your body needs a certain amount of continued on page 4


by DIETS that just don’t work?

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calories just to sustain proper function. This is why fad diets that force you to cut out too many calories leave you feeling lethargic, shaky and ready to give up. Instead of opting for a fad diet, find a reasonable eating The key to long-term weight management and healthy eating is consuming a balanced diet. Restrictive and exercise plan that allows you to lose one-half to two eating and fad diets may provide temporary weight loss, but they may also provide fatigue, hunger, food pounds per week. There is evidence that people who lose fantasizing, malnutrition, binging and, ultimately, weight regain. weight at this rate — by making better nutrition choices, By combining carbohydrates, protein and fat in appropriate amounts at each meal, you will feel satisfied eating smaller portion sizes and exercising — also have while providing your body with essential nutrients and energy. the best chance of keeping it off. Make a plan to adopt new healthful habits that you will be able to stick to indefinitely, and always allow yourself a little wiggle The healthy plate is a great template for planning meals: room for special occasions. Vegetables: Fill half of your plate with vegetables. While it might

Meal Planning Made Simple

>Healthy Plate

>New Year’s Resolution Check-Up

As we come to the end of January and we have all been working on our New Year’s Resolutions, ask yourself “Am I sticking to my plan? Am I losing the pounds and inches I envisioned? Are my stamina, endurance and energy levels increasing? Do I feel like I am getting stronger? Do I feel like those flabby areas I wanted to tone up are getting tighter? Do I feel like I’m being able to manage the stress of my life in a better way?” These are the key things that you need to look in the mirror and answer truthfully. If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” then the next question should be, “Why don’t I care enough about myself to focus on improving my overall well-being and quality of life?” It’s not too late to start a plan of action. Put down on paper the top three things you want to accomplish in the next 90 days. Then write out a plan to address how to accomplish those desires. Let’s use losing weight as an example. The next time you step foot in a gym, have a plan and a purpose. Walk up to a trainer who can put you on the path to accomplish your goals. Ask for an hour of their time to talk about your individual goals, to talk about the timeline in which you want to reach them, and, most importantly, what’s allowed you to feel the way you do about yourself and your quality of life today. Why do you really

want to make these changes? Across all four of the Gold’s Gyms in the CSRA there are over 40 trainers at your disposal. The Premier Fitness training staff wants to make your plan of action a reality! All Gold’s Gym members may take advantage of a complimentary fitness assessment and training session to help put you be on the right path to success in 2012! Now that you know this is an option, there are no excuses for you to keep feeling like your goals are unattainable and unrealistic. Remember, it all starts with a plan and then it is about executing the plan and Premier Fitness wants to help you MAKE IT HAPPEN! See you in the gym Premier Fitness Staff

not be easy to do this at breakfast on a regular basis, make it a habit to do this at lunch and dinner every day. Vegetables are not only nutritious and low in calories, but they also add water, fiber and volume to any meal. This leads you to feel full faster and reduces the number of calories that you consume. Starch: Fill one quarter of your plate with whole grains like whole wheat bread, whole-wheat pasta or brown rice. If you prefer starchy vegetables, try ½ cup of corn, peas or mashed potatoes. Lean protein: On the other quarter of your plate, place a lean protein. Options include, but are not limited to, loin cuts of meat, skinless poultry, Canadian bacon, ham and seafood. Dairy: Add a side of low-fat or fat-free cow milk, soy milk, almond milk or yogurt to each meal. Fruit: Eating a small portion of fruit is a healthy way to end each meal on a sweet note. It is much lower in calories yet contains more nutrition, fiber, water and antioxidants than any typical dessert. Fat: While your body needs fat, it is found in just about everything, so you don’t need to add it to each meal. The type of fat is just as important as serving size. While peanut butter, canola oil and sunflower seeds are all healthy selections, calories and fat can add up quickly. One teaspoon of each is around 45 calories and 5 grams of fat.


People who skip, or eat very little, breakfast tend to overeat later on in the day. Research shows that skipping breakfast increases the risk of obesity. Examples of a balanced breakfast include: One or two slices of whole-wheat toast, one egg, an orange, and eight ounces of low-fat or fat-free milk or yogurt. Breakfast sandwich made with a whole-wheat English muffin, Canadian bacon and light cheese with a fruit and eight ounces of milk or yogurt on the side. If you aren’t very hungry in the morning, try drinking your breakfast: Carnation Instant Breakfast No Sugar Added, 8-10 ounces of low-fat or fat-free milk, one banana and one tablespoon peanut butter.

>Lunch and Dinner

Lunch and dinner are interchangeable, which makes meal planning easier. To save time, you can prepare extra one night for dinner and take the leftovers for lunch the next day. Examples include: Three ounces skinless rotisserie or grilled chicken, ½ cup of rice, one small apple, one light yogurt and salad with light dressing. Two baked tostada shells, three ounces of lean ground turkey, 1/4 cup reduced fat cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, salsa, light yogurt and one cup of strawberries. Also, consider making meals ahead of time on a day you might have more free time.


Snacks should be small, so think of them as one portion of protein and one portion of carbohydrate: One ounce of light cheese (e.g. Baby Bell or Laughing Cow) with 15 grapes. Six crackers and one ounce of water packed tuna. Light yogurt with six almonds.


Meal timing is essential to weight management. Eat every 4-5 hours. Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, but if you go more than 4-5 hours between meals, have a light snack. This will keep your blood sugar steady and prevent you from overeating at your next meal. Recent research from the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics shows that eating three meals and 1-2 snacks a day may help with weight management.


Fit to Be Gold Challenge Winners

In just 12 weeks, these three members transformed their bodies and won cash prizes. Who will be next... you? Gold’s Gym’s Fit to Be Gold Challenge has, so far, included 36 participants who, as a group, have lost more than 1,200 pounds. And now it’s time to add — or, more accurately, subtract — to that number. Qualifications for Phase 4 of Fit to Be Gold begin February 1 and the contestants chosen will begin their 12-week journey to a healthier 2012 on March 5. “We’re looking for 12 individuals who are motivated and want to change their lives,” said Allen Childs, marketing director for Gold’s Gym. “The Fit to Be Gold Challenge is a 12-week weight loss contest that includes membership to Gold’s Gym and 12 weeks of one-on-one personal training. The winner will receive $1,000 in cash and a lifetime membership to Gold’s Gym. The contest is made possible by Gold’s Gym, Premier Fitness Personal Training, the Metro Spirit and Fox 54. And this is a free contest. There are no entry fees required.” Do you have what it takes to win the Fit to Be Gold Challenge? There’s only one way to find out. Call 706-910-5474 or email us at fittobegold@hotmail. com and tell us why you would like to participate in the contest.

Sterling Herrington

Phase 2 Winner Lost 71 pounds in 12 weeks

<After Before>

Karen Kelly

Phase 1 Winner Lost 41 pounds in 12 weeks


Before> Dwain Moss

Phase 3 Winner Lost 70 pounds in 12 weeks <After


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Put your love to the fitness test


Workout Ideas for Couples

Tim Tebow isn’t perfect. I mean, have you seen the guy throw a pass? Judging by the astronomical TV ratings when Tebow plays, I’m guessing you have. I’m not a quarterback coach, but my nephew has better passing skills than Tebow and he’s 9 years old! Now I know what you’re thinking. This is a bash Tim Tebow column, right? Wrong… so wrong. The two of you may be at different fitness levels and have different goals, but that doesn’t mean that I root for Tim Tebow every time he takes the field. you can’t exercise together. There are plenty of reasons to give it a try: Why? Because I like watching a person who has the Safety. With someone else watching your form and being there to spot you when you need it, ability to inspire and boy does Tebow inspire. I’m going you’ll exercise more safely than if to enjoy every second of Tebowmania because it won’t you were alone. Besides, who cares last forever. Heck, it might already be over... for good. If more about your safety than your you believe the doubters, Tebow won’t be a starting QB in soulmate? the NFL next season. Then again, those same doubters said Quality time. Couples spend he’d never lead the Broncos to the playoffs. Go ahead and ask most of their time apart the Steelers how that one turned out. due to careers and other If Tim Tebow never throws another pass, I’m cool with it. He responsibilities. Instead of accomplished more in his 14 games this season than most people hitting the gym alone, plan a thought he’d do in his entire career. Nobody said you had to like workout time that fits both of Tebow, but you have to respect him and apparently I’m not the your schedules. You’ll reach only one who does. your fitness goals without In a recent ESPN Sports Poll, Tebow was named America’s most sacrificing that one-on-one popular athlete. Yes, you read this correctly. Peyton Manning, Tom time that every partnership needs. Brady and Kobe Bryant all finished behind Tebowmania. No. 15 A common interest. Add exercise to your list of shared interests and hobbies. The Tebow jerseys are flying off the shelves. possibility for new, unique activities is endless and keeps things exciting. You can never So what did Tebow think of the ESPN poll? “What’s that tell me?” have too much in common. Tebow said. “It tells me they have a lot of crazy polls out there. I hope Motivation and support. Getting encouragement and praise from your partner is one of people see I’m real and genuine. I hope they see that I make a ton of the best motivators. It’ll help both of you remain consistent and take care of one another. mistakes but that I always get back up and try again.” A deeper bond. Exercise produces chemicals in the brain that evoke feelings of Tim Tebow admits he makes mistakes. See... I told you he wasn’t happiness, reduce stress and also increase arousal and libido. perfect. Respect and pride. Taking care of your body and your health shows the person you   care about that you want to be your best for them — and that you want to be around for years to come. Balance. In many couples, one partner tends to favor cardio (typically women) while No matter what happens in the NFC Championship game, we are the other tends to favor strength training (typically men). By working out together you guaranteed to have an Augustan playing in Super Bowl XLVI. Josey’s can balance your workout program to include more of both. Let your partner teach you Deon Grant plays safety for the NY Giants and Butler’s Carlos Rogers about the areas of fitness you’re unsure of and be open to new fitness experiences. enjoyed a Pro Bowl season in the 49ers secondary. Wondering how working out as a couple might work in the real world — especially I’ve been lucky enough to follow their careers and have enjoyed when you’re both at different fitness levels? Here are some great ideas to get you started: interviewing both a number of times. In April of 2005, Carlos invited Sign up for a class together. While a class like salsa dancing is perfect for couples, me to spend NFL Draft Day with him at his parents’ house. I remember other classes will work just as well. Consider trying something new that interests you both: rolling the camera on Carlos when the Washington Redskins called martial arts, an indoor climbing clinic, yoga (including Partner Yoga), 5K training, adult to tell him they were taking him with the ninth overall pick in the first swim lessons or other sports. round. It was a special day and, from that moment, you just knew that Do cardio that allows you both to work at your own intensity level. Group classes Rogers was going to have a successful pro career. like spinning (indoor cycling) allow each participant to cater the workout to their After spending six non-playoff years in Washington, Rogers finally fitness level, meaning that you both get the workout you want — easy, challenging or got his chance to play for a contender. Last summer, he signed a onesomewhere in the middle. year contract with San Francisco. All Rogers did was lead the 49ers Do cardio side-by-side. At the gym, simply pick two cardio machines next to each other with six interceptions and was selected to play in his first Pro Bowl. and work towards your individual goals. You’ll be together but can each work at your own Can you say new contract? speed, intensity, incline and resistance level. In a perfect world, Rogers and Grant would both be playing When walking or jogging outside, try intervals. If you are a slow jogger and your in Super Bowl XLVI. However, as we learned from Tim Tebow, significant other is faster, intervals will be perfect for both of you. Work at one partner’s faster nothing is perfect and only one can play for the Vince Lombardi pace for a few minutes, and then recover at the other person’s slower pace. Intervals are also Trophy. With that said, here is my NFC Championship Game a great way to improve your fitness level and speed over time. Before you know it, you’ll both prediction: Carlos Rogers, 21; Deon Grant, 20. (Editor’s note: be able to work at the same pace together. Kane submitted this column two days When strength training at the gym, “work in” (switch places) with one another between sets. before the NFC and AFC Title games.) About 90 seconds of rest between sets is beneficial anyway. So while you rest, your partner can Super Bowl XLVI will pit brother complete one set of the exercise. Switching the weights to your own level is quick and easy to against brother... Jim Harbaugh’s 49ers do on most machines. Another time-saving option is to use dumbbells, so that you don’t have to against John Harbaugh’s Baltimore constantly add and remove weight plates when switching between sets. Ravens. In OT, Baltimore will beat Stretch together. Assisted stretching has major benefits for your flexibility. Giving your partner a San Francisco 17-14. I’m a sucker for gentle tug or soft push in one direction can be helpful — just don’t overdo it. a good storyline and this matchup Enjoy the great outdoors. Create a more active lifestyle together by picking up new hobbies. provides the best one. While these may not always count as traditional cardio or strength training, every bit of activity you do will benefit your body and your health. Geocaching, hiking, canoeing, tossing a football, recreational cycling, rafting, camping and just enjoying a nice, leisurely walk at the end of the day — all of these beat an evening in front of the TV. Change it up. Try your partner’s exercise ideas just as you want them to try yours. If you have trouble agreeing, compromise. Do your walking routine on one day, and your partner’s upper body strength routine the next, for example. Be open-minded, but keep your partner’s needs Don’t workout on Super Bowl Sunday. (fitness level, goals, comfort level) in mind too. Sure it might be tempting to eat an entire box of chocolates, splurge on a romantic dinner or skip the gym in favor of a movie this Valentine’s Day, but you don’t have to let your love life derail your plans to get fit this year. With these workout ideas for couples, you and your partner can spend quality time together while you stay on track to reaching your goals in February and beyond.

The Benefits of Exercising with Your Partner

Super Bowl Thoughts

>Kane’s Fitness Tip of the Month


Team Effort

Tips and resources for couples losing weight together Being in a healthy relationship means relying on each other for help, and one great way to offer help to each other is through collaborative weight loss. By working together, you and your loved one can motivate each other to do better than you would have if you’d gone it alone. Here, we’ll offer a few tips and resources for taking the weight off together.


Follow these tips for a successful weight loss partnership. Reward yourself: Every time one of you hits a goal, reward yourselves together. Split restaurant meals: If you like to dine out together, cut your calories in half by splitting meals. Put away your large plates: When eating at home, use only your small salad plates to cut down on too-big portions. Make exercise a habit: Couples have habits that form when together. Make exercise one of them, and you’ll help each other stay on track. Don’t make dining a date: Do something else instead of going out to eat all the time, like walks or board games. Play games together: Play fun games together, like basketball, racquetball or even frisbee. Agree on a diet: If you’re eating together, it’s important that you decide on a diet that’s healthy for the both of you. Be considerate: If one of you can eat pizza and the other can’t, don’t torture each other. Don’t criticize each other’s diet: Hovering will do no good, unless you’ve both agreed you want that sort of oversight. Consider your motivation: Remember that losing weight is part of a plan to stay healthy and be around for each other for a long time. Focus on health over weight: Don’t make your weight loss all about weight. Think of it in terms of health instead, and you’ll have better motivation.

Encourage each other: Tell your significant other if they look better in jeans, and they’ll appreciate the support. Take photos: It’s hard to see weight loss when you’re together every day, so use photos to see how well you’ve progressed. Create new traditions: Replace birthday cakes with healthier options, and go to farmer’s markets instead of out to brunch. Don’t compare weight loss: Men often lose weight faster, so be careful about putting your weight loss achievements head to head. Start a garden: Gardens offer activity, a focus on healthy food and, better yet, it’s hard to eat junk when you know how delicious your own produce is. Stock your fridge with ready-to-eat produce: Slice up some vegetables and keep baby carrots handy so that it’s really easy to eat vegetables for a quick snack. Don’t eat on par with each other: Your nutritional needs are different, so don’t eat the same way. Cook for each other: Make dinner more fun by cooking healthy meals for each other. Plan vacations around activities: Instead of planning vacations around food, shift the focus to activities like walking tours, swimming and sports. Join a league together: Have some competitive fun in an adult softball, bowling or soccer league. Employing just a few of these tips will make your relationship with your partner healthier… in more ways than one.


Introduction to Microsoft Word is Thursday, January 26, at Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit Phi Kappa Phi Arsenal Lecture Series is Thursday, January 26, at 2:30 p.m. at Augusta State University (170 University Hall), and features speakers Dr. Edgar Johnson and Dr. Shannon Byrd-Jones. Call 706-729-2416 or visit

Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit GED classes are offered every Monday and Thursday at 9:30 a.m. and 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Registration not required. You must have a PINES library card. Call Charles Garrick at 803-2793363 or visit

Save Money, Save Time is a free continuing education class on couponing at Augusta Technical College on Thursday, January 26, at 6 p.m. Call 706-771-4025 or visit augustatech. edu. Major Headlines Since 1937, part of the Augusta Museum of Historyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Brown Bag History Series and featuring Michael Ryan, is Wednesday, February 1, at 12:30 p.m. at the museum. Free for members and $3 for non-members, participants are invited to bring their own lunch. The museum will provide beverages. Call 706-7228454 or visit augustamuseum. org.

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ESL classes are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-2793363 or visit Genealogy Research in Richmond County is Thursday, February 2, at 2 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706821-2600 or visit

Ancient Sky Lore is Saturday, January 28, at 7 p.m. at DuPont Planetarium, Ruth Patrick Science Education Center in Aiken. $1$4.50. Reservations encouraged. Call 803641-3654 or


Digistar Laser Fantasy is Saturday, January 28, at 8 p.m. at DuPont Planetarium, Ruth Patrick Science Education Center in Aiken. $1-$4.50. Reservations encouraged. Call 803-641-3654 or visit planetarium/.

Have a Heart for the Cure is February 1-15 at Dillardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s at the Augusta Mall. Shoppers will be able to donate $5-$15 to help support heart and vascular care in the CSRA. Call 706-722-9011.

Zumba with Sohailla is every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-421-6168 or visit

Gifts from the Vine 10th Anniversary Wine Tasting, sponsored by Aveniu Brands, is Saturday, January 28. Proceeds benefit Easter Seals Gifts from the Vine Committee. Call 706-667-9695.

Sixth Annual Taste of Davidson, which will be held Thursday, February 2, from 5-6:30 p.m. at Davidson Fine Arts Magnet School, is looking for restaurants willing to donate 150 tastes of their specialties to the event. For more information, call Winnie Garrett at 706831-9254. Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit

learn about lucy pickens, queen of the confederacy saturday, january 28, at the aiken county public library

Session is Saturday, January 28, at 11 a.m. at Evans Town Center Park. Sponsored by Rhodes-Murphy. Free. Visit


2012 Winter Blast 6v6 Soccer Tournament is Saturday, January 28-Sunday, January 29, at Lions Memorial Field in North Augusta for youth and adults. Visit Dale Earnhardt, Jr. Question and Answer

Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit

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Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and WednesdayFriday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or

Lunch & Dinner Sun-Thurs 11-9pm Fri-Sat 11-10pm Please visit us today for a delicious, fresh lunch or dinner.

be enchanted by “the princess and the pea” saturday, january 28, at the imperial theatre


0594 or visit

Civil War 150th Anniversary Petersburg Boat Tours are Saturdays and Sundays at 10 a.m. (Saturday) and at 1:30 and 4:30 p.m. (Sunday). This one-hour tour explores the role the canal played during the war. $12.50. Visit

Nacho Mama’s Group Run is each Wednesday, at 5:30 p.m., and features food and drinks afterwards. Three- and four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email

Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays at 1-4:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067 or visit

Hott Shott Disc Golf is each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf, 863 Broad Street, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit

Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon. com.

Youth Archery League meets Wednesdays through March 21 from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Odell Weeks Center in Aiken, and features lessons in history, safety and technique for ages 5-16, accompanied by an adult. $11 per session. Call 803-642-7631 or visit

Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email


Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Branch Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706-556-

Valentine Card Craft is Wednesday, February 1, at 9:30 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library, and features an activity for children ages 3-5. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit

NOW OPEN! BUY ONE, GET ONE Thanks to our loyal customers in North Augusta we are expanding to Evans.


see page 08

Fresh Lobster Night Every Friday! Reservations Required

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Toddler Time: A Man Named Dave is Thursday, February 2, from 10-11 a.m. or 11:15 a.m.-12:15 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art, and features a lesson about potter Dave Drake and a clay pinch pot activity. Free for members; $4 for nonmembers. Pre-registration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit

Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854-0149 or visit

Augusta Canal Winter Center: The Wheels Go Round is Thursday, February 2, at 10 a.m. at the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center, 1450 Greene Street. $3 per child. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 2, or visit

Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit

Dragon Scales Month begins Wednesday, February 1, and continues through March 1 at Headquarters Branch Library. For every book a child reads, the library will add a scale and try to make the dragon stretch around the Children’s Department. Call 706-821-2600 or visit


Mother’s Morning Out is every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Wilson Family Y for children ages 3-4. The schedule follows the Richmond County school calendar. $90 per month for members; $110 per month for nonmembers. Register at any Family Y or visit

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706772-2432 or visit Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-7366758 or visit Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. at Maxwell Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-793-2020 or visit

Story Time is every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7226275 or visit Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-5569795 or visit Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m. and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-6427631 or visit Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-6427631 or visit Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit Story Time is every Wednesday at Appleby Branch Library from 10:05-10:20 a.m. for toddlers 18 months-35 months and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschoolers ages 3 and up. Parent must stay with child. Call

706-736-6244 or visit Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:15-10:45 a.m. for Pre-K and 11:3011:55 a.m. for toddlers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:1511:45 a.m. for preschoolers at the North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-2795767 or visit Exercise Your Body and Mind Masters Week Camp, sponsored by MACH Academy, is Monday, April 2-Friday, April 6, from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. at the Fleming Tennis Center, and includes instruction in science, math, creative writing, computer literacy, nutrition and healthy eating, tennis and fitness, and more. $100 per child, which includes lunch and supplies. Partial scholarships available for qualifying participants. Pre-registration required. Call 706-796-5046 or visit


Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each

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Wheel Safe


Take extra precautions when cycling during the winter months For those who like to exercise outdoors, the winter months are especially difficult. Sure, the weather here is mild, but that doesn’t stop the sun from coming up later and setting earlier. And this adversely affects no group of athletes as much as it does cyclists. “I think now, in light of everything that has happened over the last year, we’re riding with the mindset that we’re invisible,” said Randy DuTeau, cyclist, Augusta Sports Council events manager and president of the board of Wheel Movement CSRA. “And if you’re doing that during the day, it has to be amped up to a hundred at night.” DuTeau is of course speaking of the two local Army doctors who were recently struck and killed by motorists. Dr. Matthew Burke was struck while riding with a group of cyclists on Beech Island on October 1, 2010. Several other cyclists were hurt and Burke eventually died of his injuries in February of 2011. Shortly afterwards, Dr. Daniel Dickinson died August 1, 2011, after being hit while riding his bike to work. Both of the fatal crashes occurred during Daylight Savings Time. And if it could happen then, when there was an extra 2-3 hours of light to work with, the chances of a crash happening now can only increase. So what’s a safety-minded cyclist who

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doesn’t want to stay indoors to do? DuTeau’s first piece of advice is one he admits is not very popular. “If you can help it, obviously don’t ride at night,” he said. “If you don’t have to be out, it’s always better not to be out. And when we’re talking about riding in the dark, people just assume we’re talking about at night, but a lot of folks have to train in the morning because they ride their bikes to work or they have to ride early before they get the kids up for school.” If, because of extenuating circumstances such as work or family, you do find yourself on your bike in the dark, invest in some equipment, DuTeau advises. Equip the back of your bike and helmet with flashing red lights and mount a white light and headlight on the front. And don’t forget to check the batteries before you head out. “Make sure the batteries are fresh and that they’re working,” he said. “If your light doesn’t work, it doesn’t do you much good.” Safety vests are a good investment, as are cycling gear — jackets, shells, jerseys — with reflective material built in. Isn’t that a little much, though? “Honestly, I don’t think there’s any such thing as overkill these days,” he said. “It’s better to be safe than sorry.” The second component to safe winter cycling is to be aware of what’s going on around you. Don’t assume a car can see your tricked out bike. “It’s just really, really important to be mindful and to ride as if you’re invisible,” he said. But it’s equally important that while you’re making sure that cars are following the rules of the road that you are as well. No rolling through stoplights or signs, and no riding against traffic. A bike is a vehicle, too, and is subject to the same laws as cars are. “Obviously there are places like Riverwatch Parkway where bikes are not allowed but, unless it’s otherwise specified, you do have a right to be on the road,” he said. “And we’re quick to hold cars accountable but we have to be accountable as well. Always do your best to be on your guard and always respect traffic laws. Just be mindful.”

Medical Assisting, Medical Laboratory Technician, Health Information Technology, Many More!

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Are you so frustrated with your computer you’ve considered tossing it out the window? Is it so slow you can barely use it? Are you having trouble getting to your favorite web page... or facebood? Are you even tempted to teake it to one of those Big Box Stores for service? Think again!


Do you really want the place that sells you envelopes or flat screen TVs working on your computer? Bring it to ComputerOne today... and our real computer guys will make it all better at a price you can afford. We’re the opposite of a Big Box Store. We’re the little store in Fairway Square and although we have our own of computer experts, we dont really call them geeks (at least to their faces). They’re just competent, skilled computer technicians with the know-how to clean up your computer at a reasonable price and get you back on the internet fast. And although we’re not keeping score, given the fact we’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this year, it is very likely we’ve sold and repaired more computers than any other company in Augusta... and we have thousands of satisfied customers to prove it.

Professional Virus & Spyware Removal Services $69.95 About Us | Services | Virus and Spyware Removal | Custom Built Computers | Point of Sale Systems | Driving Directions | Contact Us Copyright 2011 ComputerOne Technology, Inc., All Rights Reserved - Website developed, hosted and maintained by Southfire, Inc. 2825 Washington Rd., Fairway Square Shopping Center, Augusta, GA 30909 - 706.667.9009


T H E W I N G!


T O -G O O R D E R S


Rollin in the Hay Friday Night Rocks

with Cover Story

Saturday Night Live

with Stereotype Sunday

NFL Pro Bowl plus TJ Mimbs 3035 Washington Rd. • 706-364-WILD (9453) 30 METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12

MERRY HEALTHY HOLIDAYS Give the gift of health to you and your family JOIN THE FAMILY Y NO JOINER’S FEE Now through January 31 Never a contract; Financial assistance available 706 922 YMCA V. 23 | NO. 04

Thursday, January 26 Live Music Coyote’s - Jeremy Graham French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Jeff Johnson Polo Tavern - John Kolbeck Red Pepper Cafe - Funk/Fusion Jazz Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Sky City - Open Mic Night Surrey Tavern - Sibling String Travinia’s - Smooth Jazz Wild Wing - Rollin in the Hay The Willcox - Classic Jazz

Cotton Patch - Mike Green Country Club - Jared Ashley Fox’s Lair - Jared Gay French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - The Atom Blondes Malibu Jack’s - Tony Williams Blues Express The Playground - SidAerial Polo Tavern - McKinley Band Sector 7G - Repo The Genetic Opera, The Tribute Show Sky City - Acid Wash, the Graveyard Boulevard Surrey Tavern - Funk You CD Release

Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Jerry Feels Good & Co. Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Soul Bar - Disco Hell Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ

What’s Tonight? Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Jerry Feels Good & Co. Pizza Joint, Evans - DJ Kris Fisher The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Friday, January 27 Live Music Carolina Ale House - Jim Perkins










THURS. & SAT. 8:30PM "Over a hundred different beers.. with thirty beers on tap!"

2015 CENTRAL AVE. V. 23 | NO. 04

Radio the Captain, Dutch Angle Surrey Tavern - Dangermuffin Wild Wing - Stereotype

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’sLair - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, January 29 Live Music 5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice The Willcox - Jazz Jam Session Wild Wing - TJ Mimbs

What’s Tonight? Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jacks - Karaoke with Mike Swift Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, January 30 What’s Tonight? Party Wild Wing - Cover Story

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free salsa lessons; Latin dance party Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley

Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, January 28 Live Music The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Cotton Patch - Old Man Crazy Country Club - Gary Ray Fox’s Lair - She-N-She Joe’s Underground - Randy Carver Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill - Smooth Jazz Polo Tavern - Pretty Petty Sky City - All Get Out, Mazes & Monsters,

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia with Mike Thomas The Playground - Stillview, 3 Pill Morning, The Atom Blonde Somewhere In Augusta - Free PokerTournaments Wild Wing - Trivia

Tuesday, January 31 Live Music Cocktails Lounge - Live Music The Highlander - Open Mic Night Joe’s Underground - Jamie Jones METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12 31

Wild Wing - Sabo & Mike The Willcox - Piano Jazz

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia & Hawk Talk

Wednesday, February 1 Live Music 209 on the River - Smooth Grooves Joe’s Underground - Sibling String Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Manuel’s Bread Cafe - Dickie Cox

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Coyote’s - Drink N Drown w/ DJ Jeff Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad - Jazz DJ The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Comedy Zone Surrey Tavern -Trivia

Upcoming Lera Lynn, Shaun Piazza, the Ramblin’ Fevers - Sky City February 4 POPS! At the Bell w/ The Temptations Bell Auditorium February 9 Winter Jam Tour - James Brown Arena February 9 Rhonda Vincent & The Rage - Imperial Theatre February 10 Jesup Dolly, Cameras, Guns, and Radios The Playground Bar February 10 Fishbone, the Supervillains - Sky City February 13 Big Daddy Love - Stillwater Taproom February 17 Augusta Blues Festival - Bell Auditorium March 2 32 METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12

A Good Week for Augusta Rock

Elsewhere Emancipator - Georgia Theatre, Athens January 26 Lord T & Eloise - Locos, Savannah January 26 Widespread Panic - The Tabernacle, Atlanta January 26-29 Blake Shelton - Convention Center at Gwinnett Center, Duluth January 27 Rebelution, The Grouch, Pep Love Masquerade, Atlanta January 27 Blackberry Smoke - Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta January 28 The Mountain Goats - The EARL, Atlanta January 28 Packway Handle Band - Georgia Theatre, Athens January 28 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Convention Center at Gwinnett Center, Duluth January 30 Anthrax, Testament - Tabernacle, Atlanta February 2 Carolina Chocolate Drops - Georgia Theatre, Athens February 2 Eric Church, Brantley Gilbert, Sonia Leigh - Savannah Civic Center, Savannah February 2 Ani DiFranco - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta February 3 Ivan Neville’s Dumpstaphunk - Georgia Theatre, Athens February 3 Scott H. Biram - The Jinx, Savannah February 3 Willie Nelson - The Forum, Rome February 9 The B-52s - Classic Center, Athens February 9 George Strait - Convention Center at Gwinnett Center, Duluth February 10 Medeski Martin & Wood - Georgia Theatre, Athens February 11 Tom Green - Georgia Theatre, Athens February 13 Of Montreal - Georgia Theatre, Athens February 17 Mandisa w/ Nicole Britt & Laura Story USC-Aiken Convocation Center March 30


What’s Tonight?

Livingston Taylor - Imperial Theatre March 17

First we get a better signal, now we get a huge concert. Not a bad week for rock music in Augusta if I say so myself. 95 Rock made the announcement this week that the bands Godsmack, Staind and Halestorm will be launching their Mass Chaos Tour right here at the James Brown Arena on April 13. A Friday night! Friday the 13th! For those of you who aren’t familiar with the bands, Godsmack and Staind are two of the biggest rock acts out today, and to get the first date of their tour is huge, to say the least. Another cool part about this show is that this is the only date in our area. And by that, I mean there is not another date on the tour in the entire state of Georgia, and they have no dates in either of the Carolinas. I have the inside info, you know, because I’m on the radio for 95 Rock, that other cities are promoting the show in Augusta, so we will have many out-of-towners that night. Hint hint: buy your tickets fast! They go on sale tomorrow morning, January 27. You could say I’m giddy about this show; giddy like a little schoolgirl. We get an opening date for a tour and so does Atlanta. I will have to admit, Atlanta got a bigger one. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band have announced a 19-date U.S. tour that kicks off March 18 at the Philips Arena. This tour is going to be awesome. I wonder if he’ll perform “I Whip My Hair Back and Forth”? Is anybody else watching “American Idol”? I know I know, it’s a crappy show that’s headed up by a dude who looks like a lady. Ha! You see what I did there? I am talking about Steven Tyler, not Ryan Seacrest. Anyway, I actually like the first couple weeks of “American Idol.” This is one of the few chances that you get to watch someone’s dreams get crushed in their face, and it’s fantastic. If you can sit through the sappy tales of how horrible people’s lives are, it’s pretty awesome. On a related note, did anyone happen to catch Steven Tyler singing the National Anthem before the Patriots/Ravens game? Wow. In the words of his co-worker Randy Jackson, “That was a little pitchy, dawg.” But it was Steven Tyler, not Pavarotti. Now the competition is who did worse, Steven Tyler or Roseanne Barr? You could ask yourself: “How could the band Good Charlotte get any worse?” Well I have the answer to that one. The brothers who formed the band, Joel and Benji Madden, have now formed a new band called The Madden Brothers. I bet they’re going to rock. There is music to actually look forward to. A new Fiona Apple album has been promised to come out this year. L.A. Reid announced that it should land on store shelves in the next couple months. L.A. has never lied to me before, so I’m excited. Track to download this week: “Simple Song” by The Shins. They have a new album in stores in March called “Port of Morrow.” I love this band. Mark your calendars for Sky City, Saturday, February 25. The Savannah band Black Tusk will be in town. I heard they are awesome, and I’m going to be there, so that’s reason enough to go. What shows should I be checking out? What venues are good? Email matt@ Matt Stone can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock. V. 23 | NO. 04

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Yeah, yeah... more vampires and werewolves. But check out “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close,” which jumped 32 spots! RANK




































“Red Tails”


This popcorn flick has a little trouble getting off the ground

A bit of skepticism is in order when George Lucas, who’s (ir)responsible for perhaps the two greatest popcorn-movie franchises ever (the two “Star Wars” trilogies and the Indiana Jones quadrilogy) spends 20 years scrounging for funding and talent to commit his ideas to film. Conceived in the ’80s, “Red Tails,” for which Lucas served as the executive producer, took a while to get moving. In 1990 Lucas told the L.A. Times (headline: “Lucas’ Next Movie: Tuskegee Airmen”) that he thought “Top Gun” proved there was an appetite for fighter-pilot action, even if he was proposing the bold step of focusing on an all-black group of Army airmen. “I’m sure to encounter resistance, but I’m one of the few people that can get this film made,” he said then. And that was before the second batch of “Star Wars” movies were born as unleavened, soulless CGI orgies, and the fourth Indiana Jones movie was a swamp of mishmashed camp. You figure people at least trusted Lucas’ artistic instincts in those days. Pinning a big-budget fighter-pilot epic on the marketability of a predominantly black cast was surely a taller order 20 years ago. Still, you have to wonder about the script and the planning with that kind of lag. For good reason, it turns out. “Red Tails” has its moments. Cool fight sequences. An occasional snappy line. A couple of genuinely engaged performances, including that by the ace pilot Lightning, played by David Oyelowo. Otherwise, it waddles through many of the same clichés that have plagued war movies since, well, at least WWII, when Hollywood served as an ostensible propaganda arm of the U.S. military. There are too many characters to appreciate any of them in particular. Hammy explosions. Germans who have all the humanity of battle droids. An only occasional nod to a little thing moviegoers like to call

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“realism.” The choice of focusing on the Tuskegee Airmen shows a better sense of topic than of actual story. The plot is simple: You’ve got an all-black fighter group relegated to flying beater planes on low-consequence missions in Italy. They’re viewed as inferior because they’re black and because they can’t rack up any kills, but once they get their chance, they prove to be quite skilled fighters and become instrumental to the Allied plan in Europe. Changing minds and hearts, blowing up Axis soldiers. And… that’s about it. We all know the Germans lost and the road to something like real equality didn’t stop in 1945. “Red Tails” starts where you think it will and takes a more or less straight line to where you think it’ll wind up. It’s going to have other troubles. The bankable stars — Cuba Gooding Jr. as a pipe-chomping major and Terrence Howard as a colonel who spends most of his time dealing with racism in the Pentagon — have two Oscar nods between them but never so much as climb into a cockpit. The flying is left to the whippersnappers, and while the dogfight scenes are quite lavish and mostly convincing, none of the pilots (an overburdened Nate Parker, a middling Tristan Wilds, even the likeable Ne-Yo) is likely to emerge from “Red Tails” the way Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer did from “Top Gun.” Props to screenwriter John Ridley and director Anthony Hemingway (episodes of “The Wire” and of “Treme”) for making some bold choices along the way, such as having Lightning fall for a woman who speaks uncaptioned Italian throughout their romance, and a choice of an ending that probably didn’t focus-group well. We’ll take even some small victories in a popcorn flick that had such trouble getting off the ground, and even now that it’s out, still does.

METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12 37




“The Grey,” rated R, starring Liam Neeson, Dermot Mulroney, James Badge Dale. Liam Neeson leads a band of plane-crash survivors in Alaska, who have to fight the elements as well as a pack of wolves to survive. Don’t kills the doggies, Liam! “One for the Money,” rated PG-13, starring Katherine Heigl, Jason O’Mara, John Leguizamo. The poor man’s Charlize Theron stars in this big-screen adaptation of the Janet Evanovich mystery novel. Josh Ruffin, our resident media expert, says avoid this one like the plague. “Man on a Ledge,” rated PG-13. Starring Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, Edward Burns, Ed Harris. This movie, about a ex-con on a window ledge trying to convince police that he’s been unjustly accused, could have featured a nice twist… if they hadn’t basically given it away in the trailers.


Masters 7 Cinemas

January 27 The Sitter (R) 5:30, 7:45, 10; Happy Feet Two (PG) 5:10, 7:30; Immortals (R) 7:15, 9:40; Jack and Jill (PG) 5:20, 7:30, 9:50; J. Edgar (R) 4:45, 8; Tower Heist (PG-13) 4:15, 7, 9:40; Puss in Boots (PG) 5; Real Steel (PG-13) 4, 6:45, 9:30 January 28 The Sitter (R) 1, 3:10, 5:30, 7:45, 10; Happy Feet Two (PG) 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30; Immortals (R) 7:15, 9:40; Jack and Jill (PG) 12:45, 3, 5:20, 7:30, 9:50; J. Edgar (R) 1:30, 4:45, 8; Tower Heist (PG-13) 1, 4:15, 7, 9:40; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:30, 2:40, 5; Real Steel (PG-13) 1:15, 4, 6:45, 9:30

Evans Cinemas


“iCarly” Yeah, it’s a Nickelodeon kids show, but you already knew that the Metro Spirit staff is kind of juvenile, right? The show revolves around Carly Shay, a teenager who hosts her own web show with her friends Sam Puckett and Freddie Benson. The scenes in which they show the filming of iCarly are actually the weakest… well, except when Carly’s brother and guardian Spencer plays a baby while his nanny (Carly) force feeds him “baby food.” It’s what happens when the cameras (at least Freddie’s camera) are turned off that are so hilarious. Artist Spencer’s uncanny ability to set almost anything on fire, Freddie’s germaphobe mother, friend Gibby’s phobia of shirts and Sam’s overall nastiness and love of chili are all fodder for over-the-top physical comedy that will have you, a responsible adult, laughing like a little kid. Besides, who couldn’t love a show that introduced the world to spaghetti tacos?

38 METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12

Movie times are subject to change.

January 27 The Grey (R) 4:10, 7:05, 9:50; Man on a Ledge (PG-13) 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 10:05; One for the Money (PG13) 2:40, 5:05, 7:35, 10:05; Haywire (R) 3, 5:20, 7:45, 10; Red Tails (PG-13) 4, 6:55, 9:45; Underworld Awakening (R) 3:10, 5:30, 7:50, 10:05; Beauty and the Beast 3D (G) 2:20, 4:40, 7; Contraband (R) 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Joyful Noise (PG-13) 3:45, 6:45, 9:50; The Iron Lady (PG-13) 2:20, 4:50, 7:20, 9:45; Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (PG-13) 3:50, 6:50, 9:40; War Horse (PG13) 9:15; Mission: ImpossibleGhost Protocol (PG-13) 6:40, 9:35; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 2:10, 7:10; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 4:20, 9:30; Hugo (PG) 3:40; The Descendants (R) 4:30, 7:15, 9:55 January 28 The Grey (R) 1:20, 4:10, 7:05, 9:50; Man on a Ledge (PG-13) 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 10:05; One for the Money (PG-13) 12:15, 2:40, 5:05, 7:35, 10:05; Haywire (R) 12:35, 3, 5:20, 7:45, 10; Red Tails (PG-13) 1:10, 4, 6:55, 9:45; Underworld Awakening (R)

12:55, 3:10, 5:30, 7:50, 10:05; Beauty and the Beast 3D (G) 12:05, 2:20, 4:40, 7; Contraband (R) noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Joyful Noise (PG-13) 1, 3:45, 6:45, 9:50; The Iron Lady (PG-13) noon, 2:20, 4:50, 7:20, 9:45; Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:50, 9:40; War Horse (PG-13) 9:15; Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol (PG-13) 6:40, 9:35; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) noon, 2:10, 7:10; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 4:20, 9:30; Hugo (PG) 12:40, 3:40; The Descendants (R) 1:30, 4:30, 7:15, 9:55

Regal Exchange 20

January 27-28 The Grey (R) noon, 2, 2:40, 4:40, 5:20, 7:25, 8, 10:05, 10:40, 12:25; Man on a Ledge (PG-13) 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 7:50, 10:20, 12:20; One for the Money (PG-13) 12:30, 2:50, 5:05, 7:30, 9:55, 12:10; Underword Awakening (R) 12:05, 12:35, 2:15, 2:45, 4:25, 4:55, 7:05, 7:55, 9:15, 9:45, 10:10, 11:55; Haywire (R) 12:05, 2:20, 4:35, 7:10, 9:25, 11:40; Red Tails (PG-13) 1:30, 1:50, 4:30, 4:50, 7:25, 7:50, 10:15, 10:40; Beauty and the Beast (G) 12:40, 2:55, 5:10, 7:35; Contraband (R) 12:15, 2:45, 5:15, 7:45, 10:15; Joyful Noise (PG-13) 1:10, 4:10, 7, 9:40; The Devil Inside (R) 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50, 12:05; The Iron Lady (PG-13) 12:15, 2:40, 5:05, 7:30, 9:55; Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (PG-13) 1:40, 4:45, 7:35, 10:25; War Horse (PG-13) 9:50; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (R) 4:05, 10:10; Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol (PG-13) 4, 10; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 12:10, 2:10, 7:05; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 1:05, 7:20; The Artist (PG-13) 12:10, 2:30, 5, 7:20, 9:40, 12:05; Hugo (PG) 1, 7; The Descendants (R) 1:15, 3:50, 7:10, 9:45, 12:20

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Hand battered golden fried chicken with homemade baked mac-n-cheese & Italian green beans sautéed with bacon.




Tuesday 1/31: Homemade Meatloaf with mashed potatoes & green 6pm Hawk Talk 8pm Trivia Tournament: Win a VIP beans. Booth for 25 people at the Country Club with $100 in food from Country Fried Steak with homemade gravy, mashed Somewhere + More!


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METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12 39


Playing with Fire

You won’t get burned at Fireside, but you will become a better cook

Chris Meikrantz Tuesday night discussing poultry grilling It’s been said that the quality of your equipment is not nearly as important as how you use it. That old adage holds just as true for Fireside Outdoor Kitchens & Grills as it did for the subject for which it was coined. Fireside, located downtown next to Merry’s Trash & Treasures, sells all manner of outdoor cooking equipment. Grills selling for $200 to $14,000? Check. Spice rubs, barbecue sauces of all variety and hickory chips? Check. Lawn furniture, outdoor heaters and grill cabinets? All present and accounted for. “We carry anything related to outdoor cooking,” said co-founder Greig McCully. “I have tried to create for the outdoor cook what Williams Sonoma is to the indoor cook.” McCully describes himself as a longtime backyard enthusiast who got into the grill business completely by accident. Formerly in healthcare sales and

40 METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12

distribution, the path to Fireside began when his friend Phin Hitchcock, an Augusta-area missionary for more than 25 years, asked him to help teach skills to the men served by Fireside Ministries. “Fireside Ministries is a charitable organization for men in recovery,” McCully explained. “It helps men over 18 get back into the workplace.” That plea for help started Taproot, in which those clients built outdoor cooking furniture. Taproot became very popular in terms of internet sales, but not very popular in Augusta. So the two decided to open a shop, and McCully began learning more about what he was going to sell. “I started attending national trade shows and what I realized very, very quickly was that we’re the second largest city in Georgia but there was absolutely no one paying attention to the outdoor kitchen market,” he said. “Not only

that, there are very few places paying attention to the outdoor cook as well.” Not long after Fireside opened in May of 2010, McCully began holding cooking classes. The classes are held year-round, each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m., and are open to the public. “They started out as a way for those who have grills but don’t know how to use them to get them up to speed,” he said. “Not just to teach them how to do it, but, more importantly, why it’s happening. What it’s turned into is… not gourmet, but a true cooking class.” “And it’s always been a big part of our plan for the people who come to the classes to be able to do things on the equipment they already have,” he continued. “This is not an infomercial. I think if we were that blunt about it, we wouldn’t be nearly as popular.” But popular they are. Each Tuesday night’s class draws an average of 45

participants, with the number rising to nearly 100 during peak grilling season. The lessons begin inside the store, with a question and answer session following each week’s selected topic. Then, participants head to the sidewalk. “We had to get permission from the city to do that,” he said, “but it draws people down to a part of the city they’re trying to revitalize, so they welcomed it.” And it appears that Fireside’s Tuesday demos are helping revitalize that block. Runners meeting that night farther up Broad are heavily tempted to stop before they’ve reached the half-mile mark. Cyclists stop in, bikes, spandex, sweat and all, for a taste. Couples make it their date night. “They’ll come early and save their seats, then walk to a restaurant and have some appetizers and drinks,” he said. “In fact, one thing I’m most proud of is V. 23 | NO. 04

AMYCHRISTIAN that I’m certain it’s added a considerable revenue to the downtown area. I hear from a lot of my customers that this is the first time they’ve come downtown in years.” Why is it so popular? Well, there’s a whole lot more you can prepare on grill than steaks, as it turns out. “A grill is an outdoor oven… it’s just a geographical change,” McCully explained. “We’ve done lessons on… well, our blog has over a hundred recipes. We’ve done 75 lessons and we don’t often repeat.” The grill might be best known as the perfect vessel for a quality cut of beef, but attendees at McCully’s classes have learned how to make everything from pizza to seafood and vegetables. When asked what people were most surprised to find out they could prepare on a grill, McCully had no problem picking. “Birthday cake,” he said. “But also stews and chilis. You’d be surprised at how many people are shocked that you can put a pot on a grill. We’ve done breakfast for dinner as a lesson too. There’s really nothing you can’t cook, depending on the grill you’re using.” While you might think that Tuesday’s

cooking lessons would have people lining up at the registers for grill baskets and the soapstone McCully says is probably the most valuable grill accessory he sells, he says the weekly event doesn’t often result in big sales. Just like the two nationally recognized barbecue teams they sponsor and the numerous events they donate their time to cooking meals for, the point isn’t really instant gratification. Rather, it’s the gradual foundation of name recognition. And, in the case of the lessons, it’s a win-win for everyone. “I believe that if I can make you a better cook, your friends will ask you why you’re such a good cook,” McCully explained. “And then you’ll send them here.” Fireside Outdoor Kitchens & Grills 1242 Broad Street, Augusta Monday-Friday, 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. 706-722-3939

“who you callin’ chicken?”


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Weddings Receptions Rehearsal Dinners Meetings Concerts Catering Bar Service


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Michael Johnson

Margaret Pangle, Leslie Harper, Anna Davis and Stephanie Campbell at Jerry Seinfeld’s show at Bell Auditorium.

Ashley White with Brice and Jenny Wright at Jerry Seinfeld’s show at Bell Auditorium.

Jessica Williams, Kellie Wilcox, Brandee Black and Lacreshia Andrews at Coyote’s.


Bronwyn Van Emmenis, Tertius Van Emmenis and Alisha Mertins at the Comedy Zone at Somewhere in Augusta.

Sandi and Chuck Williams with Jenny Evans at Chuck’s 60th Birthday Bash at 1102 Downtown Bar and Grill.


Lauren Flanagan, Sylvia Lee, Leah Locklear and Sarah Layfield at Bar on Broad.

Kara Bolton, Meagon Brown and Amber Monroe at Bar on Broad.

Michele McDowell, Susie Genova and Donna Wingrove at Chuck Williams’ 60th Birthday Bash at 1102 Downtown Bar and Grill.

Michael Johnson

Markesa Hamilton with Tuskegee Airman Leroy Eley, Ashauntis Smith and Bianca Woodard at the Augusta premiere of “Red Tails” at the Regal Augusta Exchange Stadium 20 Theater.

Serving Augusta for 28 years


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METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12 43

All-Star Weekend

A couple of premier events take place this weekend. Don’t miss out.


Former Duke and Minnesota Timberwolves guard William Avery has put together quite the midseason basketball tournament taking place this Saturday. The First Annual William Avery Invitational will take place at Augusta State University’s Christenberry Fieldhouse from noon until 9 p.m. Not only will some local teams be in action (Augusta Eagles, Fox Creek, Evans, Hephzibah and Butler), but some of the top teams — and players — from the Southeast will be in action for all to see. There are too many standout players playing in this to name in this small space, but to give you a hint as to what talent will be participating in this tournament, United Faith Christian Academy —Charlotte, N.C. — who are coached by former Charlotte Hornet Muggsy Bogues, are making the trip and bringing their Division 1 talent with them. For more info on matchups and game times, head to for a full rundown.


When it comes to college all-star games, the Senior Bowl is the cream of the crop. Just look at last year’s NFL draft, in which 83 players were selected off the 2011 Senior Bowl roster, including 12 first-round selections. That’s 33 percent of all 254 players drafted last year! Here you will see the best of the best square off against each other with potential millions hanging in the balance. Every NFL team’s coach, assistant coaches and general managers have been present all week in lovely Mobile, Alabama, to watch their future employees display their skills against elite competition. Many smaller schools are also well represented, as players from around the nation are invited no matter how small the classification they played in during college. If you’ve got NFL-sized skills and talent, they’ll find you, and you’ll get your shot to prove your potential future worth. Here is a listing of some of the more familiar names that will be suiting up on Saturday for the Senior Bowl: Brandon Boykin, CB, UGA Drew Butler, P, UGA Ben Jones, C, UGA Cordy Glenn, OT, UGA Melvin Ingram, DE, USC Antonio Allen, DB, USC Chad Diehl, OL, Clemson Brandon Thompson, DL, Clemson

Games to Watch

Senior Bowl: Saturday, January 28, 4 p.m. NFL Network The cream will rise to the top in this front-office showcase of future NFL stars. First Annual William Avery Invitational: Saturday, January 28, from noon-9 p.m. Christenberry Fieldhouse, Augusta State University Tons of talent from the Southeast in this all-day tournament. Go see the stars of tomorrow today. NFL Pro Bowl: Sunday, January 29, 7 p.m. NBC They keep playing this because we keep watching it. We have only ourselves to blame.

ONTHEBALL Cheer these guys on as they go at it one last time before the draft.

44 METRO SPIRIT 01.26.12

Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

V. 23 | NO. 04


Code Goo

make a real connection

I’m a 33-year-old nurse in a five-month “friends with benefits” thing with a doctor co-worker. I am only 18 months out of an abusive 10-year relationship and wanted something fun and light. We get along well, but he rarely asks me ahead of time about getting together. I know he has a busy schedule, but this bothers me. He will do anything I ask (give me a ride, buy me a coffee if I work late) but doesn’t make kind gestures without being asked and doesn’t talk about his feelings or inquire about mine. My biggest issue is that he doesn’t compliment me. He once said his friend asked him how he got such a beautiful woman. But that’s it. The crazy thing is, he doesn’t even possess the qualities I want in a partner! Are my feelings here simply because he’s here? Can I learn to separate my feelings from what we really have? — Help, STAT

I bet the doc doesn’t have patients show up at whim: “Hi, I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I’d have a physical.” It’s understandable that you’d like a little more formal scheduling to your casual sex, but remember that the guy reads X-rays and MRIs, not minds. When you need medical attention — or certain attention from a certain medical professional — you need to make that known, same as you would with a friend: Don’t be so available on a moment’s notice and also ask him to make advance plans. (Enough with this “Undress and put on a robe; the doctor will be with you shortly.”) Although the reasoning department of your brain keeps telling you that you should be friends with benefits, there you are jonesing for girlfriend benefits (flattery, little prezzies and all). Anthropologist John Marshall Townsend explains that women evolved an emotional alarm system to read whether a man would be a good provider and to compel them to seek cues of commitment. Some women feel especially emotionally connected to their partner following orgasm, probably due to the release of the bonding hormone oxytocin, although the most conclusive research is on rats and prairie voles, and your ability to send email suggests you are neither. Regardless, Townsend’s surveys on casual sex showed that even when women fully intended to use and lose some himbo, many would wake up the next morning and find themselves longing for more from a guy they knew they wanted nothing more from. An apple a day… mainly keeps the creditors away from the apple growers. To keep this doctor away, let on that you’re longing to use him as a boyfriend instead of just for sex. The thing is, this seems like exactly the right time for you to have exactly the wrong man. Having your sex life staffed up can help you avoid any temptation to get into a relationship, and you can instead figure out and fix whatever led you to be in a 10-year emotionally abusive thing. You may ultimately find casual sex too upsetting, but understanding where your feelings are coming from might help you intellectualize your way out of letting them rule you. Regularly reviewing all the ways this guy’s wrong for you is another way to put the meaningless back into meaningless sex. Remember, the only aisle you should be walking down with him is the one between your bed and your dresser. As that jewelry commercial (doesn’t) go: “Every kiss begins with K-Y.” 

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Why do men offer (as in, announce unasked) that they aren’t dating anyone when that’s a lie? I’m a busy 30-something woman, meeting men almost exclusively online. A guy will often tell me right away (on the first date) that he isn’t seeing anyone. I stumble on the truth by accident on Facebook and what-have-you, lose trust for him and stop seeing him. — Baffled

The male brain is quick to note that eHarmony could be the ticket to eHarem. Even if a man’s looking for “that special somebody,” he may be dreaming of a stable of somebodies and feeling a little guilty about it. Or, maybe he’s dating a few somebodies but “there’s nobody” means “nobody of consequence.” Women evolved to seek commitment from men, and men co-evolved to understand that. Sometimes even an okay guy will engage in some duplicity to make the initial sale — waiting to see whether he’s into you before he ditches Helga, Svetlana and Amber. You likewise might consider going on a few more dates to see more of a man’s character (or lack thereof) before making your final decision. Then again, maybe the best reason to ditch one of these liars is stupidity: a guy telling you he’s all lonesome, he hasn’t seen a woman in years — just hours after his last date was streamed live on the Internet from some bar.

©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email Also visit and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

V. 23 | NO. 04

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Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

Life Is Like a Tray of Sandwiches Some will be better than others, but all will fill you up Picture it. You oversleep, therefore the kids oversleep. You can’t seem to find two matching socks for anyone. You finally make it out the door, getting them to school just in time. Hours later, when it’s nearly too late, you notice them. The lunch boxes. Crap. I’m fortunate enough to live minutes from the school, so when this happens, I’m able to take forgotten items to The Kids. If I can’t, however, I know that my children won’t go hungry. You see, the Richmond County Board of Education makes sure of this. They have hot lunches available for purchase every day. They are reasonably priced, and families can apply for free or reduced-price lunches if they qualify financially. Forget to send a lunch or money, and the RCBOE will allow one charge, after which they send a notice home, asking for the account to be replenished. How do I know this? I have a letter, informing me of the errors of my financial ways. It turns out that The Girl must’ve forgotten her drink a few times and needed to get milk. I’m not great about keeping money in her

account, because she doesn’t buy lunch and prefers to take juice from home. By the time we got the letter, we were a whopping $1.50 in the hole, so I sent her with two one-dollar bills to settle our milk debt. If the debts aren’t paid, and the child still forgets their lunch, they will be given a cheese or peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a fruit cup and milk. To give credit to a few of the parents with multiple charges (ahem, you’re looking at one), the RCBOE isn’t all that great about notifying us about a low or empty account. An online system would make things a lot easier, and probably eliminate quite a few lingering arrears. Anyway... The whole system works pretty well, I think. There’s room for improvement, as with every process, but they do what they can. So imagine my surprise when I read a letter to the editor in the daily paper, written by a student’s aunt who was appalled by the treatment endured by her niece in the lunchroom at her elementary school. The student forgot her lunch and was forced to eat two

slices of bread, a piece of cheese (um, a sandwich?) and a fruit cup, while her classmates ate a “substantial” lunch. Hey lady, here’s a newsflash for ya. That is a substantial lunch. My children take a sandwich, fruit and a drink almost every single day, and they’re not on any nutritional watch list. Why is it the school’s fault that she forgot her lunch? I assume that she was sent to school by a guardian that morning. Why isn’t the guardian to blame? The school followed the procedure they promise. They will feed your child. It may not be a hot lunch, but it is lunch. The author says that her niece was humiliated in front of her friends as they ate the substantial lunches, while she dined on her meager rations. Humiliated? Um, okay. I don’t see it, but some are more sensitive than others. If that’s how you really feel, though, that she was so embarrassed, why not use this to teach her about overcoming adversity? Let her know that you understand that she may have felt that way, but it’s not the end of the world.

She had to eat a sandwich for Pete’s sake. By this logic, my kids must live a life of embarrassment. Really, though, instead of wasting your time calling the local paper, attempting to drum up support for your petty complaint, why not tell her this: “Honey, today sucked, it surely did. Let’s look at the big picture, though. There will be lots of sandwiches in life. Some will be good. Some will suck like this one did. Let’s look to tomorrow. It will be a better day. Plus, I know that fruit cup had those little cherries in it. Who doesn’t love those?” Each day when The Kids get home, I ask them to tell me their worst and best parts of the school day. Last week, The Boy told me the worst part of his day was when he realized that he’d left his drink at home. He was forced to drink from the communal water fountain. Oh, the embarrassment. Not only will I send him with an emergency dollar from now on, but we’re accepting donations for Capri Suns and a psychologist. That’s going to be one hell of a therapy bill.





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Metro Spirit 01.26.2012