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Copley’s Column
Probably the question I am most frequently asked concerns the Forest Showbar in Rutland Road, and whether Gary Phillips and Norman Bottom still own the pub. I am happy to report that this popular couple do indeed still are the owners and are at present taking a year off to concentrate on their other business interest, the Meadowhead Fish Bar, which incidentally is the best chip shop for miles around. The Forest has enjoyed great success since being bought by this likeable pair due much to the fact that the majority of the live entertainment has been provided by award winner Gary himself and the warm welcome they have extended to all customers, with the sign in the pub which reads ‘enter as a customer, leave as a friend’ being most apt. Although the pub is now managed, Gary keeps in touch with his multitude of friends, who are also customers by appearing every other Saturday night, the next one being this Saturday. I have had some fabulous nights at the Forest, with everybody being so friendly, and never any trouble, and every single person I introduced there has been anxious to return. Another bonus for me is that the beer is always superb. Amazingly, on Saturday night, I discovered a pub that was very similar, with welcoming landlord and landlady and a smashing friendly crowd. Needless to say, I had a chat with every one of them. This fabulous pub is the Star Inn at Pilsley on the outskirts of Chesterfield, and the purpose of our visit was to have a great night of entertainment provided by the wonderful Sunny Daye. She was fantastic, immediately connecting with the audience, and her many years in the business shone through with a superb professional performance. She is amazing, and still top of her profession, and I am pleased to report that she is returning to the Star in May. I have never been particularly health conscious, believing that our fate is decided on the day we are born, and have been a heavy smoker from an early age and a regular drinker, though never to excess, and so the news that if one has processed food on a daily basis it increases one’s chances of getting prostrate cancer by twenty per cent.
My mother, God Bless her, always told me that breakfast was the most important meal of the day, and accordingly have always indulged in a full English breakfast every day with plenty of bacon and tomato sausage. Since I discovered Dougie’s meat van, who is to be found at Lowedges terminus every Wednesday and in the car park of Job Lot in Eckington on Thursday’s, where the produce is the best ever, I can see no end to this supposed threat to my well-being, as so to speak the bacon and sausage are to die for. I also get well stocked up there with plenty of chicken and sirloin steak, and I have no hesitation in passing this tip on to readers of this column, although I will probably have to get there a bit earlier before they sell out if everyone takes advantage of my advice. Give them a try, you will never go anywhere else. Am I the only Wednesdayite who wanted the Blades to beat Charlton on Saturday? My words that it would have been in the Blades favour for Wednesday to beat Charlton the week before have rung true as had that been the case and United won on Saturday, the Blades would be top of the league at the time of writing. As things are now, Charlton have opened up a seven point lead with five clubs now fighting for the one automatic place remaining. Both Sheffield clubs may well finish up in the play off positions which can’t be good, as I suspect that if Huddersfield can keep hold of their goal machine, Justin Rhodes, they will take second spot, and we all know that United’s record in play offs is extremely poor. As I am desperate for both Sheffield clubs to be promoted, I shall be cheering both teams on in the second half of the season. I suspect that the position will be much clearer at the end of February, a month that will be decisive for both clubs, with the local derby being of paramount importance. I urge supporters of both Sheffield clubs to cheer on each other’s teams, apart from the derby game. Somehow, I have great doubts about this happening. Celebrity Big Brother is compulsive viewing for me, although I can think of more suitable housemates to go topless than Denise Welsh. For some reason, Channel five are making a better job of it than Channel Four.
Weekly Wit With... ALBERT SNODGRASS
I bought some chicken earlier to make sandwiches. Don’t think he’s up to it though, he’s just running round the kitchen clucking like a baffoon. I had no idea time zones were so far apart... Just landed in China and it’s New Year apparently. I saw a man at the beach yelling “Help, shark! Help!” I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him. I was so angry after arguing with my wife last night. When she went to bed, I sneaked into the kitchen and tightened every jar and bottle in the cupboard. Bob is sitting on a train staring dreamily at the guy across from him. “Hey,” says the guy, “why are you staring at me?” “Whether you believe it or not,” says Bob, “you are the spitting image of my wife. Except for the beard.” “I don’t have a beard,” says the guy. “No, but the wife does.” “One door closes, and another door opens” said my boss. Which is why I’m such a poor submarine designer. My mate told me a joke about a TV controller. It wasn’t remotely funny. I phoned my mother-in-law and said, “Your daughter hasn’t been home in days.” She replied, “I know, she is here with me, she’s not coming back.” “I know, I’m just going through my phone book to tell everyone the good news.”
round-up by stuart renton
Zelebrities like Jedward are little more than pimples on the talent of society, and those desperate for fame are willing to do just about anything to be seen on television. Here are my alternative uses for Jedward to make the world a better place. Human Protection: Stapling zelebrities to vehicles could save lives. The Nolans could adorn the Pope mobile, while Jedward could be sent through live mine fields – think of the plants that could be saved (and the IQ is about the same). Drugs Trials: The mysteries surrounding the walking (brain) dead could be answered with some experimental (and possibly grisly) drugs trials. Kerry Katona has allegedly put herself forward for drugs trials on several occasions, and has always been disappointed when it turned out she signed up for allergy testing and not the Ketamine she was expecting. Organ Donation: giving the cadavers of Jedward over to medical science would not only prove invaluable in the training of future surgeons, it would also answer the question: can a human function without a working brain? Unfortunately, in Jedward’s case, it can! Crash Test Dummies. Not a great deal would be gained from seeing the hapless duo propelled into a brick wall at one hundred miles per hour, but the result is something I’d definitely pay to see! Discovering the limits of pain tolerance: for no reason, really. Just throwing it out there… This all got me thinking about similar shows Simon Cowell could ‘wow’ us with in 2012. You could have Celebrity Death Snatch, in which Tara PalmerTomkinson has a live stick of dynamite inserted into her… And, unfortunately, that’s all I’ve got time for this week. I’ve just got a few moments to remind you that the final of Celebrity Big Brother is coming up, and it looks as though the public is voting for the American entries: that’s right the brain-dead bimbos (Kristina and Chlamydia) are the favourites to win. What are you all doing? We’re showing our “love” for the ultra vacuous, self-obsessed and hopelessly deluded. Waxwork dummies have more about them than these two egos on sticks - they’ve got all the personality of candyfloss (and eating too much of either will make you sick). Get voting to save the only real choice. Show the nation has a heart and that we can forgive mistakes of youth. Vote Frankie Cocozza!
Across
6) Serpent (3) 8) Profit making (10) 9) Sick (3) 11) Viewʼs edge (7) 13) Scarper (5) 14) Seek favour (5) 15) Strait (6, 7) 16) Fossilised resin (5) 18) Above (5) 19) Payment acknowledgement (7) 20) Of itself (3) 23) Flying machine (10) 24) Tall tree (3)
Down
1) Perform (3) 2) Mischievous fairy (3) 3) Poison (5) 4) Of split personality (13) 5) Mayhem (5) 7) Egotism (4-6) 10) Mineral waste (5, 5) 11) Hare hunter (7) 12) Open (3, 4) 17) Revolt (5) 18) Reel (5) 21) Pigʼs home (3) 22) Nose (3)
Last Weekʼs Solutions ACROSS: 7) Wimple, 8) Larynx, 9) Tier, 10) Longboat, 11) Clever, 13) Junk, 14) Emu, 16) Plod, 17) Vulgar, 19) Invasion, 21) Cage, 22) Billet, 23) Lentil. DOWN: 1) Visible, 2) Spur, 3) Well bred, 4) Flan, 5) Tribunal, 6) Sneak, 12) Valuable, 13) Juvenile, 15) Languid, 18) Snail, 20) Into, 21) Cane.
live
REVEREND & THE MAKERS ANNOUNCED AS NOEL GALLAGHER SUPPORT
After enjoying a rest for nearly two years one of Sheffield’s most well known, successful bands from the last decade Reverend & The Makers are back with a bang and preparing to support Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds on his upcoming tour including a hometown gig at the Motorpoint Arena on Sunday the 19th of February. After a few years of travelling the world and throwing free parties with the Reverend Sound System front man Jon McClure has decided it’s time to “get back to the day job”. Their new album is out this summer and Jon announced this week that the first single will be available as a free download via their Facebook page the week before they set off on tour with Gallagher. Commenting on the making of the album Jon said: “I just kind of fell into writing this album by accident and the next thing was it was nearly finished. I’m bang into it - which you’ll all expect me to say. But I enjoyed making it more than any album I’ve made so far. It’s all up and mainly bangers, so we had a right old laugh in the process. Special thanks go to Ed the Pilot and Jimmy and his Onkens.” “The album is being produced by a combination of Jason Cox and James Dring (Gorrrilaz, Good the Bad & the Queen) and Youth (The Verve, U2) and for what its worth there’s no politics on the album. Why not? Well as much as I’m into all that and I still believe much the same, I’ve said it now and it quickly becomes boring if you labour the point too much. In truth I sort of bored myself with it. I’ve took down the Che Guevara poster for this album, you may or may not be glad to know.”. In the post on the band’s facebook page there are also details of new band members that will be joining, both in their own right Sheffield music faces. Ryan Jenkinson formally of thisGirl then Skeletons and the Empty Pockets will be joining on drums alongside former Milburn frontman Joe Carnall. Reverend & The Makers will be announcing details of their own headline tour later in the year, but if you want to see them play on the largest stage Sheffield has to offer (with the bonus of Noel Gallagher to follow of course) you can catch them in just over three weeks time down at the Motorpoint Arena. Tickets for Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds with Reverend & The Makers as Support at the Motorpoint Arena Sheffield, priced £35, £45 & £59.50 (booking fee may apply) are available online at www.motorpointarenasheffield.co.uk, in person at the Arena box office or by phone on 0114 256 56 56.