Issue 847 Mercury Newspaper by Mercury Newspaper

NEWS

Page 4

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WESTLIFE

Across

Down

8) Modern petrol (8)

2) Light gas (6)

9) Clothes (11)

3) Party game (7, 6)

11) Stalk (4)

4) Or (13)

12) Cancelled (8)

5) Fireplace shelf (6)

13) Lucky moggy (5, 3)

6) Church bench (3)

15) Unassuming (4)

10) Cleansing agent (9)

16) Last trip (5, 6)

14) Furnishing fabric (6)

18) Of the shore (8)

15) Havoc (6)

19) Sea eagle (4)

17) Boring tool (3)

7) Travel price (4)

1) Spider (9)

Last Week’s Solutions Across: 7) Hike, 8) Ulterior, 9) Odd, 10) Idol, 11) View, 13) Herein, 14) Silent, 15) Daring, 18) Rueful, 20) Anon, 21) Oath, 22) Pin, 24) Magnesia, 25) Plug DOWN: 1) Middle, 2) Vet, 3) Burden, 4) Styles, 5) Traveller, 6) Govern, 12) Beginning, 16) Annual, 17) Glossy, 18) Ritual, 19) Unique, 23) Apt

COPLEY’S COLUMN First thing this week is to dispel a rumour flying around at the moment concerning my great friend Steve Birks, aka Vincent, aka Nearly Diamond. No, Steve did not die in his sleep on Saturday night, in fact he is fit and well, and sunning himself in the Dominican Republic. It amazes me how these rumours start. The second most important subject before we get to write to mention the forthcoming general election is the surprise relegation to division one of my beloved Owls. I am indebted to my true friends, who follow the Blades, for their genuine messages of condolence. They of course realise that they are also the losers, now that we have to miss the Sheffield derbies next season, and the season long friendly banter (how will I miss the latter). However, there is always the odd one, and I mean odd, who have either little going on in their lives, or are a bit dim, who is really pleased about Wednesday’s sad plight. I received ten quite hurtful texts, both during and after the game, from a nutcase getting off on my unhappiness. To save him any embarrassment, I will not name him, save to say that he is C(h m ) D and he is an entertainment officer in Sheffield 5. He is normally a very nice lad, but his twisted adoration of his team coupled with a perverted fear and hatred of The Owls, changes him into a bit of a

monster. Obviously, Wednesday will, like Norwich City, bounce straight back up, and I desperately hope that having ,for financial reasons, to sell their remaining few players to save on wages, the Blades manage to avoid the same fate as Wednesday, so the derbies and the banter can resume. If a story on the front page of the News of The World is to be believed, former World snooker champion John Higgins has to have been incredibly stupid , greedy and naive. The amount he is alleged to have received for fixing four separate frames, not matches, is small fry when put in the context of lost earnings, should these startling allegations be proved. The main event this week has to be the closest General Election in years. The third and final televised debate between the three leaders of the main political parties was a convincing victory for David Cameron, with Nick Clegg second in front of Gordon Brown, who really looks like a man resigned to his fate. His cake was already cooked long before he committed his major gaffe, describing an old lady as bigoted old woman, whilst unknown to him he was still live on air. What would be nearly as bad as a Labour government would be a ‘hung parliament’, with Sheffield’s own little ‘Lord Fauntleroy’, Nick Clegg having the laughable aspiration to be the next Prime Minister. Please, please, please vote Conservative on Thursday and

elect the only party capable of getting this country on the road to recovery. I went with my good buddy, John Alex, to an old hunting ground of mine the Steelmelter’s at Killamarsh, where he was performing on Friday night. The pub was packed and he went down a storm. To make the night even better, we were treated to an impromptu spot by the wonderful Sunny Daye, still a showstopper after many years in the business. Sunny is so talented that all conversation stops as soon as she begins a song. Another interesting piece of entertainment was a song from local girl, Kimberley, which I have to say was most enjoyable. When last week’s Mercury’s arrived on my doorstep, I thought how well it looked with new features advertised prominently on the front page. However, further down the page a section stating ‘Still containing all your regular favourites’ and guess what? The two longest serving columnists, Albert Snodgrass and myself never got a mention. I am of course used to it by now having been totally unappreciated by the two previous owners of this newspaper, indeed when I retired last year, before I was persuaded to return, not by the paper but by Joe Public, I did not receive one mention of thanks after ten years loyal service from the owner, but I was pleased to be remembered by Craig Daniels and Mark Richie.

Pop royalty Westlife celebrate their triumphant return to the top of the charts with the announcement of their first live concerts in two years, returning to Sheffield Arena on Sunday 9th May 2010. Tickets, priced £38 (subject to booking fee). Revered for their spectacular live shows, created with visionary William Baker (Kylie, Leona, Bjork) Westlife are thrilled to be returning to the stage two years since their last concert tour. The show will include fan favorites, the band’s biggest hits and brand new tracks taken from their first new album in two years, ‘Where We Are,’ released November 30th 2009. Westlife are among the world’s most prolific touring acts, with eight sell out world tours already under their belts. Their most recent concert tour, 2008’s ‘Back Home Tour’ visited arenas across the UK and New Zealand, culminating in stadium shows in Ireland, including a sell out show at the legendary Croke Park in Dublin. On the show’s arrival at London’s Wembley Arena, it was declared that the boys had sold more tickets at the venue than any other act and had played a record number of dates there, an amazing 25. The tour will support the band’s brand new album ‘Where We Are’, which was recorded during much of 2009 in studios across Europe and the US. The record features work from pop’s finest craftsmen, including grammy nominated Ryan Tedder (Leona

Lewis, Beyonce) Steve Robson (James Morrison, Take That) Steve Booker (Duffy) Louis Biancaniello and Sam Watters (Whitney Houston, Anastacia.) and Shaznay Lewis, who co-writes a track with band member Mark Feehily. These stellar production teams have helped the boys create a new and contemporary sound, whilst retaining those classic Westlife soaring melodies and rousing lyrics. Featuring the already massive hit single ‘What About Now,’ as seen on The X Factor, it’s a collection bound to excite fans and pop enthusiasts alike. No pop band can compare to Westlife’s extraordinary success. During their 11 years at the top of pop’s hierarchy, the band has sold over 40 million records globally. In the UK alone they have scored nine multi-platinum albums and a record breaking 14 No.1 hits (behind only Elvis and The Beatles). They have also picked up innumerable awards and appeared on hundreds of magazine covers around the world. They are the only recording artists to win the prestigious ‘Record Of The Year’ an incredible four times (other top awards include two BRITS and an MTV Europe Award). Tickets are now on sale priced £38 (subject to booking fee) in person at the Arena box office, by phone on 0114 256 5656 or online at www.sheffieldarena.co.uk

RIHANNA & PIXIE LOTT Music superstar and Grammy Award winner Rihanna will play Sheffield Arena on Wednesday 13th May 2010 as part of a UK arena tour. Tickets priced £45, & £39.50 (booking fee may apply) with tickets now on general sale.Having released her fourth studio album - one of the most hotly anticipated new albums in recent history - Rated R, Rihanna will be returning to the UK to wow fans nationwide with a full UK arena tour. The long-awaited follow-up to her 2007 smash Good Girl Gone Bad which contained the non-stop string of hit singles that began with the MTV VMA and Grammy Award-winning global #1 hit “Umbrella” (featuring Jay-Z), then “Shut Up and Drive,” “Hate That I Love You” (featur¬ing NeYo), and “Don’t Stop the Music.” Good Girl Gone Bad went 5x Platinum in the UK, earned cumulative sales of more than 36-times platinum in at least 20 territories around the world, and spun off the CD+DVD package Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded (January 2009) – which continued the string of hits with the #1 “Take A Bow,” and the #1 “Disturbia.” Rated R’s first single pick, “Russian Roulette” was launched on October 20th worldwide on www. rihannanow.com and is currently at number 2 in the UK charts. “Russian Roulette” was written and produced by fellow Def Jam artist Ne-Yo, whose long track record with Rihanna includes the #1 hit “Unfaithful” (2006, from A Girl Like Me), their Top 10 duet “Hate That I Love You” (2007, from Good Girl Gone Bad), and #1 pop/ #1 R&B “Take A Bow” (2008, from Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded). In addition to Ne-Yo, other producers and writers on Rihanna’s new album include the team of Chase & Status, Stargate, Justin Timberlake, The-Dream and Tricky Stewart and more. Incl Will:iam Rihanna also teamed up with Jay-Z on the first single off his latest album ‘The Blue Print 3’ (released in September this year via Roc Nation) which reached number 1 in the UK singles chart. The rapper also joined Rihanna at her Nokia album launch performance recently to perform the track to an ecstatic, packed out Brixton Academy.

Tickets for Rihanna at Sheffield Arena are now on sale, priced £45 & £39.50 (booking fee may apply), available in person at the Arena box office, by phone on 0114 256 5656 and online at www.sheffieldarena.co.uk Rihanna is undoubtedly one of the most intriguing and talented artists of our time. This is guaranteed to be one of the hottest, most talked about spectacles of 2010. Don’t miss your chance to see one of the world’s biggest and brightest stars. Brit Award nominated Pixie Lott will be joining Rihanna as special guest on her forthcoming UK arena tour that will play Sheffield Arena on Wednesday 13th May. With the first two singles, Mama Do (Uh oh, Uh Oh) and Boys and Girls from her platinum debut album Turn It Up both topping the UK charts in 2009, Pixie Lott is certainly a force to be reckoned with. Coupled with Rihanna, who is undoubtedly one of the most intriguing and talented artists of our time, this is guaranteed to be one of the hottest, most talked about spectacles of 2010.

The Lovely people at the Sheffield Arena have kindly donated a pair of tickets for this amazing show so we can send one lucky Mercury Reader. Simply answer the following question and send the answer along with your contact details to dave@mercurynewspaper.co.uk before 5pm on Tuesday 11th May. How many weeks was Rihanna’s hit ‘Umbrella’ at number one?

ALBERT SNODGRASS

Weekly Wit DRUNK DRIVING

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar waiting to catch any drunk drivers. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight, I’m the Designated Decoy.” THE FREE BEER CHALLENGE A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.” The guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, “Wherez zat teeqeelah?” He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. “Now” he says “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”