Page 20, The Loafer • February 12, 2013
February Fourteenth 0( '/12%-( /"D&( 8.14.( something was going to be off on that particular Valentine’s Day, when it began with the discovery of a dead pigeon in my 1D&.5(0.(,/",(&")%3(C1',['%&&C(!1:( of morning, you’re never quite sure of what is going on till that *$)',(+2C(1!(+1!!&&(8$+8'($.5(91("'( 0( ',11-( ,/&)&;( %118$.:( $.,1( #3( 1D&.;(0(+12%-.I,(/&%C(72,(41.-&)( if the dead bird inside was real 1)( .1,5( 0( +%1'&-( ,/&( -11);( '/118( #3(/&"-;(".-(1C&.&-($,(":"$.5(0,( was real alright, and resting on a rack in the upper third of my oven. 0( '",( -14.( ",( #3( 8$,+/&.( table, and tried to wrap my head around what could have transpired that would result in "(-&"-(C$:&1.($.(#3(1D&.5(0(/"-( not been out the night before, .1)(-$-(0(14.(".3(C&,(7$)-'5(G/&( cat’s birthday was still a few #1.,/'( "4"3;( ".-( 0( -127,( ,/",( any doors or windows would have been open long enough for a pigeon to make it’s way into my /1#&5( 0( +"%%&-( #3( !)$&.-( ?"'&3;( he is something of a bird expert. Birds, and video games, are his two passions. He combined the two beautifully into the famous book A Few Facts About Birds,
and By the Way, RSuper Mario BrothersL is Pretty FrigginL Great, Right? Casey came over, walked into my home wearing his “Zelda was a bird man” t‐shirt, and went straight to the oven. He opened the door, and with a pair of latex gloves on, removed the bird from the rack. Casey examined ,/&( 7$)-( 4$,/( /$'( /".-'5( J0,I'( ".( alpine squab, common, easily acquired. Have you wronged anyone lately?” Startled by that %"',( U2&',$1.;( 0( ,118( "( #1#&.,( ".-( ,1%-( ?"'&3;( J0( -1.I,( 8&&C( "( B12)."%( 1!( C&1C%&( 0ID&( 4)1.:&-;( '1(0(+".I,()&"%%3('"35S Casey left to dispose of ,/&( 7$)-5( 0( '",( ",( #3( -&'8( ".-( pondered what could be going on, given that my mind tends ,1( :&,( "( %$,,%&k!")( !&,+/&-k0( came up with a list of three possibilities. One, someone is trying to “gaslight” me. Two, someone is trying take out some form of revenge on me in a Hitchcockian manner. Three, my oven is a harbinger of plague. With the obvious fact that there 4"'("(-&"-(".$#"%($.(#3(1D&.;(0( decided to get out of the house for Breakfast. 0( -&+$-&-( ,1( :1( ,/&( .&4(
popular coffee shop, Le Oiseau. 0(1)-&)&-("(%",,&(".-("(7)&"8!"',( '".-4$+/5( 0( '",( -14.( ",( ,/&( table and did what all twenty‐ somethings with smart phones do. Obsessively check Twitter and Facebook till my food "))$D&'5( @&,;( '1#&,/$.:( 4"'( amiss when my food did arrive. Perched next to the plate of tasty bacon, and eggs on toast, was a blue canary night light. This restaurant was not in the custom of giving everyone night lights that reference songs by They Might Be Giants. So again, 0(7&:".(,1(%118(")12.-5(91#&1.&( was continuing the bird motif to my day, and this person knew that one of my favorite songs is JA$)-/12'&($.(@12)(912%5S My phone rang, it was Casey. >/&.( 0( ".'4&)&-( $,;( 0( /&")-( the sounds of sirens in the background. “The bird exploded.” Casey said, in his very calm #"..&)5(J>/",lmS(0(&Q+%"$#&-;($.( #3('%$:/,%3(/3',&)$+"%(#"..&)5(J0( was going to toss the bird away, ".-("'('11.("'(0(-$-;($,(&QC%1-&-5S( This situation had quickly turned from puzzling, to downright fowl. Casey had phoned the police about this, and our mutual friend Detective Hawk was coming by ,/&( /12'&( ,1( *$:2)&( ,/$'( 12,5( 0( dashed off back home in order to tidy the place up a bit before /&("))$D&-;(72,("'(0(7&:".(,1(1C&.( #3( !)1.,( -11);( 0( !12.-( "( ,$.3( C"+8":&( 1.( ,/&( -11)',&C5( 0,( 4"'( unmarked, in plain brown paper. 0.'$-&(4"'("(VXV(1!(The Maltese Falcon. Detective Hawk arrived at my house with plenty of gear. Dusting kit, laptops, tablets, 7%"+8( %$:/,'5( 0I%%( 'C")&( 312( ,/&( details of what he found with the black lights, but houses aren’t as clean as you think they are. We began poring over who, outside of Casey, in my life is obsessed with birds. There had to be some connection to something from my past, or current life, that was causing this feathery bash to be happening. Soon my living room was *$%%&-( 4$,/( &%&+,)1.$+( -&D$+&';( all scanning, measuring, and processing ideas as to who, or what, could be conjuring this +1.2.-)2#5( <'( 0( ',11-( ",( ,/&( large bay window in the dining room looking out, there was a loud crashing sound, followed by pain. Someone had thrown a Continued on page 21