etiquette
neighborhood noise
Q I’m having my wedding outside
in my backyard. How should I deal with complaining neighbors? A Straighten out any issues in advance by simply paying your neighbors a quick visit. Be respectful and give them enough warning time so they can make alternate plans for the wedding day (they might want to plan a night out or a weekend away). If you aren’t inviting them for the ceremony and reception, consider asking them to stop by for dessert and dancing later in the evening. And if you make sure to obtain the proper permits (check your various local ordinances, from parking to noise curfews, to see what’s required), you’ll be able to assure any irritated neighbors that your party is officially approved and valid.
8%
of couples get married in a private garden or backyard
66
K
prewedding tresses
Q What can I do to get my hair in weddingworthy condition?
A First, maintain the beauty routine you’ve already got going. Even if you’re growing your hair out, getting regular trims about every six weeks removes damaged ends and keeps your cut’s shape. If you want, add a weekly or biweekly conditioning treatment or hair mask. And for extra oomph, ask your stylist about a gloss treatment you can do a week or so before the wedding.
questionable questions
bouquet debate
Q We’re trying to trim our budget. Is it
Do I have to carry a bouquet down the aisle?
okay to skip the videographer and ask my uncle to shoot our wedding instead? A The truth is there’s really no substitute for a professional videographer—keep in mind that you’re always going to get what you pay for. Our suggestion? Keep the expert but rethink the package. Hire your videographer for a limited number of hours. This way, your pro can leave at a particular time, but won’t miss the big moments: while you’re getting ready, during the ceremony and the start of the reception.
A Flowers are hardly the only option for accessorizing on your wedding day. Some brides make arrangements of feathers or brooches or carry a single candle (perfect for a wedding at dusk), while others simply choose to clasp their hands on their way to the altar. Another popular option is to hold something with religious importance, like a rosary, prayer book or Bible. You can also carry a volume of poetry from which you’ll recite your vows.
split decision
Q My fiancé’s parents and my parents have generously agreed to split the cost of the whole wedding and reception. How do we figure out who pays for what?
A Today, the division of wedding financial duties is far more fluid than it used to be. Maybe one side feels strongly about the cake and the flowers, while the other is more opinionated about the food and the band— so go ahead and divide it that way. But when it comes to allocating budget responsibilities, it can be tricky to satisfy everyone. If their assigned expenses don’t add up evenly, and you’re worried it’ll cause tension, we suggest splitting the budget right down the middle as the fairest option.
44%
of the wedding budget is typically funded by the bride’s parents
professional preference
Q The second we got engaged, people started
Q How do I let a vendor candidate know
asking when we’re going to have kids! How should we answer such an intrusive question? A Questions like these are pretty much inevitable. Your best bet is to take a deep breath and say something like, “Planning the wedding has us both so busy, so we’re dealing with one life-altering decision at a time.” The choice to have kids is a big (and private) one, so you shouldn’t let nosy acquaintances put the pressure on you before you’re ready.
I’ve decided to hire someone else? A While you’re not obligated to contact potential wedding pros after meeting with them, it’s a courtesy they’ll appreciate. Quickly call or email them thanking them for their time, and say while you enjoyed meeting them, you’ve decided to move forward with someone else. If you’re comfortable answering questions about your decision, be honest and concise.
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family filmmakers
Q I’ve never been a huge flower person.
31%
of couples hire a professional videographer
housing the girls
Q My bridesmaids are coming from far away. Am I supposed to pay for their hotel rooms?
A As the bride, you’re not obligated to pay for their accommodations. That said, they’re probably spending a decent amount to be part of your wedding, so your help will always be appreciated. Make it clear which hotel rooms you’ve reserved and pass along any useful local info, like if they’ll need to budget for car services. Also, consider welcome baskets to show your gratitude.
groom’s cake conundrum
Q We’re serving two cakes since I love vanilla and my fiancé is obsessed with chocolate. Who gets to design the groom’s cake? A Despite its name, the groom’s cake doesn’t have to be only the groom’s responsibility. In fact, choosing the designs and flavors for both cakes should be a joint effort. The groom’s cake can be anything from a singlelayer re-creation of his go-to candy bar to a triple-decker tribute to his college sports team. Some couples forgo themes altogether and just focus on the flavors by incorporating their favorite sweets, fresh fruits and more. Have a question for Carley? Tweet at @carleyroney
4/21/16 1:17 PM