All Abroad Magazine by dave bull

FR EE

issue number 3 OCTOBER 2011

www.allabroad.es

GRAN ALACANT- SANTA POLA - LA MARINA - GUARDAMAR - ROJALES - CATRAL ALMORADI - ALGORFA ALBATERA - HONDONS - LA ROMANA & PINOSO HABANERAS -TORREVIEJA - CABO ROIG - LA ZENIA - VILLA MARTIN PUNTA PRIMA - PLAYA FLAMENCA - FORTUNA and now ALBANILLA !

FOOD BORED Now I’m not getting at the Spanish here, although it is mainly them that do it, but how many times have you looked at a menu board outside of a restaurant that has photos of the actual meal on it and

I’ve been out on the road during September visiting

I also managed to get through the month without

thought. Mmm looks tasty? I’ll bet

readers from Pinoso, Abanilla, Quesada and quite

having a row with a ‘celeb’ on Twitter which was nice

it’s never because they are the worst

a few others actually and I must thank the NOSMO

and introduce a whole new region to All Abroad with

photos of food you’ll ever see. Some

KING club down in Torrevieja for inviting me along

the help of some useful people such as Steve Hall

have clearly been taking after the

on the 15th when I gave a chat about some of the

who set up www.thisisspain.com and Ali Meehan at

‘meal’ has been left standing around

funny things that have happened to me (and others)

Costa Women which having initiated on the Costa del

for a while (waiting for the photogra-

in Spain down the years, we had a laugh and this

Sol is now spreading its wings to the Costa Blanca.

pher?) and others

month I’m off to Benijofar on the 12th to meet some

And the boys and girls at www.familylifeinspain .com

more expats and, of course, have a bit of a giggle…

have been very resourceful too supplying us with

I had the electrician in this month to replace the

info and telling their friends about us on the south

cooker hood that I melted with the great chip pan

coast. All these websites are aimed at helping Brits

fire of July. Now I know he works with electricity and

in Spain, they are well worth a visit whether you live

that’s dangerous (even though he shut off the whole

here or not, take a look and let them know what you

they threaten

look like the ones you with in

prisons

(apparently).

buildings supply to fit the hood) but 74€ for connecting two wires and two screws? I could have done it but didn’t have the time but at those rates I think I’ll start fitting them myself. Anyway, a little lighter in the

IN MY DREAMS…Every day

pocket as I was it didn’t stop

this month the woman of my dreams

me buying a leg of lamb (which

has brought me my breakfast. Not bad

we all know is more expensive than

eh? The fact that she’s 77 and owns

platinum in Spain) for a Sunday roast.

the café that serves the best donuts and coffee in Spain is irrelevant but her charming husband Paco, who actually bakes the donuts, is not unfortunately… seems I missed out there.

As I picked it out with the helpful butcher in the supermarket I told him I’d carry on with my

think?

shopping and return for it in a few minutes. When I

So what do we have for you this month? Have a

came back with the essentials (Marmite and the lat-

look…but if you can’t be bothered then I’ll tell you…

est aerodynamic razor) he handed me the lamb that

visits to Pinoso and La Romana along with a report

I had ordered, in 20 different pieces. My leg of lamb

on one of the regions oldest and most glamorous

treat was now looking up at me from the bottom of a

hotels. Then there’s places to take the kids for free,

plastic bag and calling itself chops…

walking in Spain, Expats who are loving the life out

My parents came over for a visit

here with Richard Poolton of Alicante. Plus fiscal and

which was nice but meant that I

insurance advice to make your life simpler in Spain

spent most of the week saying

and a look at all the important info you may need

everything twice. And why is it that

too. Jokes, Puzzles, Horoscopes will give you some-

me along on the

our parents must be at the airport at

thing to do while sipping that wine on the terrace as

15th when I gave

least five hours before their return

we move into one of the best months of the year,

I must thank the NOSMO KING club down in Torrevieja for inviting

a chat about some of the funny things

flight ‘just in case...’? Still they had a good time and

October…lovely innit?

that have happened to me (and others)

now mum has gone back I believe the gin industry

Read on and enjoy…

in Spain down the years,

has been stood down for a bit.

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ADVICE INFOTIPS NEWS How (Not) To Order A Beer In Spain

BANKS... By Mr Grumpy

Don’t you love ‘em...

Every blue-kneed Brit taking their yearly pilgrimage to sample the delights of one of Spain’s chosen tourist resorts knows that the word for ‘Beer’ is ‘Cerveza’. What they may not know is that there are dozens of ways in which you can order a beer - and, more confusingly, just because your order is understood in one of the bars in your local town, it does not mean that the same order will be understood a few miles down the road. Another thing to bear in mind is that it is socially acceptable to drink beer at any time of day and at almost any place in Spain (although, I’m not referring to the Stag Party in Benidorm having a Pint of John Smiths with their all day ‘Bellybuster breakfast’). If you live in a rural area you will have seen the local farmer having a bottle of beer with his breakfast (usually just a cigarette) at some ungodly hour of the morning. Secondly, beer is commonly ordered by reference to the type of glass that you wish it to be served in rather than the quantity you require - so the volumes can and do vary sometimes. Some of the words and phrases for the glass sizes and types are commonly understood, some being popular in certain regions, but completely unheard of in others.

Beer in Spain: A Glossary

not bringing money in from drug running,

Pinta - A pint. For obvious reasons this tends to be a word that is more widely used and used on the resorts up and down the Costas - more often than not will be served in a ‘British style’ pint glass. Tanque - Almost identical to the above, but more widely used away from the costa’. A half- litre of beer as opposed to a pint (that extra 68ml goes a long way when thirsty) and quite often served in the tankard style glass with a handle to stop the beer from getting too warm from your hand. Genius. Cerveza - Literally, Beer. Makes no reference to how much you want or whether you want draught or bottled beer. Most likely to be used by foreigners and most likely to result in a blank stare back from Barman. Many barmen now simply give said Foreigner a bottle of house beer rather than be drawn into a game of charades with somebody who has no knowledge of the language. Caña - An English ‘half’, or a Spanish quarter litre. Served in a glass with a stem and favoured by the Spanish. The Landlord at my local Spanish Bar is always bemused that his British male clientele favour Tanques above Cañas. Apparently the Beer stays cooler if you drink more Cañas as opposed to drinking fewer Tanques. ‘Depends how quick you drink’ is my usual response. Tubo - A long, thin straight-sided glass. The capacity can vary. Tercio - Usually taken to be a 330 ml Bottle.

Quinto - a 200ml Bottle, or 1/5th litre. Not always available in some bars. Can’t be more than mouthful anyway, can it? Botellin - Same as above preferred in different areas. Doble - Somewhere between a Caña and a Tanque, served in a bulbous glass on a stem. Cañetta - A Draught version of the 200ml ‘Quinto’ Bottle, served in what is basically a wine glass. Not many people drink their beer as a chupitto. Jarra - Basically a jug more often than not 1 litre and brought with smaller glasses so a party can serve themselves. Chupitto - (Not really anything to do with beer, really for the benefit of those who didn’t get my earlier reference) - A Shot. Often offered ‘on the house’ by a bar after a night’s drinking, or ordered between rounds for something like a euro a pop. Usually brightly coloured or sickly sweet. Stay clear of ‘Cathia’: I have seen what it can do to enamelled surfaces with my own eyes. The thing to remember is that if you stay in Spain for longer than the average holiday, and move from one town to another at some point you will get a blank stare when attempting to order a beer. This sometimes freaks a lot of foreigners out who regress to the pointing and shouting thing that us Brits do well. The interesting thing is that it happens to many Spaniards as well. Thanks to Mr Grumpy at www.tumbit.com for this and more great info!

esterday I was in the Santander bank with a client opening a bank account.

The reason we finished up there involves the incompetence of another bank, Banesto, of which you can hear more about here “Why There Is No Hope For Some Spanish Banks”. Anyway something really funny happened. Or rather it is funny if you know anything about Spain. Amongst the 22 different pages that my clients had to sign, that is 22 each, one talked about the money laundering rules. So you have to sign up to make sure that you are prostitution and a long etcetera. However, one question is superb because it tells you so much about the expectations of Spain about their public servants. The translation is as follows. “Do you hold public office in another country? “ At first this seems a simple question but it tells us so much more. Expectations of public servants, i.e. politicians, are so low in Spain that they are “expected” to be corrupt and to be involved in money laundering and corruption. This expectation is therefore passed on to foreign politicians wanting to have a nonresident bank account in Spain. Stunning lack of expectations in that question I think. What other questions should be on the money laundering form then?

“Mad as a hatter” ...is a colloquial phrase used in conversation to refer to a crazy person. In 18th and 19th century England mercury was used in the production of felt, which was used in the manufacturing of hats common of the time. People who worked in these hat factories were exposed daily to trace amounts of the metal, which accumulated within their bodies over time, causing some workers to develop dementia caused by mercury poisoning. Thus the phrase “Mad as a Hatter” became popular as a way to refer to someone who was perceived as insane.

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This applies also if the transfer is be-

decided to take up once more the topic

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The inheritance tax has always been a

nature to the deed, impossible if a share

bit scary since it is for most an unknown

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wish to put straight:

Power of attorney

their inheritance tax for the current year in order to give them a clearer idea. But

• Firstly, no property or share of the same

Private sales contracts

the inheritance tax is not the only ex-

is automatically passed on to the heir/s.

Change-over of utility bills

as the said tax may

Planning permissions

little or none, it is

pense involved in an inheritance. Whereactually be very a property transfer and such involves the same steps as when you buy a property. It requires a notarised

deed

which the transac-

• The inheritance

‘axes have to be paid

tax is only a part

and the said deed will

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the

expense

there was no inheritance

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the Land Registry. Only

be paid, the le-

then will the property

passing on the in-

legally be in the name of

generate the ex-

tion is taken down

the heir/s’

gal transaction of heritance will still penses that I have described above.

and all the relevant documentation for the inheritance is attached. The taxes have to

• And being in the possession of a Span-

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will the property legally be in the name

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Walking in the clouds Camino De Santiago

Austrians had told me it was a hard route

However

mist

er from Santiago was full. I left Santiago

the

to walk. All along the coast up to Santander

cleared and the rain stopped was spec-

at 18.15 and arrived Madrid 09.05 after 4

C a m i n o

it was climb after climb followed by equally

tacular. Because of the remoteness of the

changes of train,and every one on time!!

San-

steep descents. I had made the mistake

route I found that I was usually walking

I then treated myself to a first class seat

tiago

from

of taking my walking shoes instead of

two stages each day covering up to 40kms

Madrid to Alicante and I think the odours

Pamplona

my boots and after 5 days walking and

and had no rest days as I had the previ-

emanating from me put a few people off

Northern

150kms I had to take a day off in Bilbao to

ous year.

their breakfasts. It could have been worse

starting

buy some boots,and they certainly made a

The hardest day was to reach the sum-

because if I had removed my boots I think

24th

difference. My shoes had been ok the pre-

mit of Puerto de Palo at 1,146 mtrs,and

my appetite would have gone also.

reaching

vious year but were not made for the kind

that was only the first third of that days

This was the hardest continuous day after

Santiago on the

of climbs I was doing. I hope someone has

walk. At the top the thunder and lighten-

day walking I have ever done. I missed the

and

made use of my shoes as I became tired

ing started but no rain for the first hour of

experience of meeting lots of people from

then taking another

of carrying them and left them by my bed

this amazing show of nature. The thunder

different countries as I had experienced

3 days walking to

at one of the stops on the way.

the Coast at Fin-

The problem I was finding with

isterre. A total of

the coastal route was that plac-

about 820kms.

es to stay at the kind of prices

During that walk

I had paid the year before were

I met 2 guys from

almost non-existent. Two rea-

the year before, and spending so much

Last

year

walked

in Spain, on May 23rd

the

June

the

sons for this: this route is not as

previous year,had walked the Northern

popular as the Camino Frances

route keeping to the coast and then down

(traditional route) and in June/

to Santiago. They both agreed that it was

July the accommodation avail-

much tougher than the inland route I had

able were making money during

done, which for 80% of the way was rela-

the tourist season.

tively flat.

When I left the coastal route

They sowed the seed and I started to

and headed inland to Oviedo,

research this route. I found a very good

the Camino Primitivo and the

Spanish book “El Camino del Norte en Su

mountains the places to stay al-

Mochila” by Anton Pombo. I also contacted

though very basic and few and

the Confraternity of St James in London

far between charged the kind of

and they sent me some leaflets on this

prices I was used to ie between

walk.

5 and 10 euros for a bunk bed

After studying the various routes (Cami-

and shower facilities.

nos) I decided to combine two routes

Oviedo is a fantastic city and I

The Camino Del Norte which followed the

got there mid afternoon which

coast and then switching inland to Oviedo

gave me time to find some-

to walk the Camino Primitivo, a more re-

where to stay and have a look

mote and lesser walked camino over the

around. I found the cathedral to

mountains.

be as beautiful as the main one

I left Alicante on the 14th June by train

in Santiago.

at 7.05 am heading for Hendaye in France

Leaving Oviedo you soon start

via Madrid and Irun,arriving at my start

to realise how remote this route

point

is. Few villages,fewer cafes and

Austria

by Bob Morris

10.40pm.After

who,

full

break-

the

scenery

when

the

fast I started my walk on the 15th June

shops for food and drink and mountains to

rattled your bones and the lightening all

in glorious walking weather. For the first

walk up every day,and the weather turned.

around was awesome. The day finished

time on my own I realised what an argu-

300kms the weather was very kind to me.

I got lots of rain and a local told me that

with a 6kms descent to a huge dam at

mentative sod I am (must be the Yorkshire

The coastal scenery with high cliffs,small

there is a saying “Sin lluvia no hay Gali-

Grandes de Salimes.

in me). Mind you talking to myself I won

fishing

San

cia”. Without rain there is no Galicia. It was

After 27 days I reached Santiago de Com-

every argument!

Sebastian,Bilbao and Santander was spec-

so green that you could have been in the

postela and this time was so tired I just

I thought it had cured me of long distance

tacular. On my left I had the green,green

Lake District or the mountains of Scotland.

wanted to get home and a long hot shower.

walking, this one was about 790kms,but

mountains and on my right the Bay of Bis-

I saw very few walkers,in fact some days

The last 5 days of the walk the rain had

the blisters have gone, the toes are back

cay. It was like walking in Switzerland by

none at all. A couple of nights I had to

been almost constant so drying socks and

to a normal colour and there is a Camino

the sea. On 3 occasions I had to use fer-

sleep in my tent because of the absence of

other clothing was almost impossible. It

from Valencia to Santiago.

ries to cross the estuaries. In the old times

Albergues (basic pilgrim accommodation)

felt as though my socks were welded to my

pilgrims were ferried across in row boats.

and on several occasions had Albergues

feet. I got the overnight train to Madrid via

I quickly began to understand why the

with 20 bunk beds to myself.

a very circuitous route as the direct sleep-

villages,big

resorts

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KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU...

Simple Spanish

with Vicki

here are many things as we try to learn Spanish that are baffling to us Brits, normally things that do not exist in English. One of the most important is the difference between “saber” and “conocer”. Both of these verbs translate to “to know” in English, so there is much confusion as when to use each one. This month I will try and shed some light on this.. “Saber” is to know a fact, or to know how to do something.. Therefore, we would use it to ask for example if you know where or when something is:

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E.g ¿Sabes dónde está la iglesia?- Do you know where the church is? ¿Sabes cuándo es la clase?- Do you know when the class is? We would also use it it many times where in English we might use “can you?” E.g ¿Sabes esquiar?- Can you ski? (literally “do you know how to ski”) ¿Sabes hablar español?- Can you speak Spanish? (literally “do you know how to speak Spanish”) “Conocer” on the other hand is used for knowing people or places, being familiar with a place, or also meeting someone for the first time. E.g. ¿Conoces a Paco?- Do you know Paco? ¿Conoces Torrevieja?- Do you know Torrevieja, i.e are you familiar with it, have you been there. ¿Cuándo conociste a tu marido?- Where did you meet your husband? Have a go at translating the sentences below and send your answers to: info@elprincipecentre.com. 1. I met Juan at a party 5 years ago. 2. I didn´t know that they worked there. 3. I don´t know this area at all. 4. When I was in London I met the mayor. 5. Do you know where the hospital is? 6. I will know more tomorrow. 7. I didn´t know them until today. 8. We know that it is true. 9. They know all my friends. 10. I know what time the train comes.

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ADVICE

NEWS REAL FUN MEN Drink Sherry

Where I was born and bred, if I had gone into a pub and asked for a Schooner of sweet sherry, I would have been lucky to have escaped the establishment without having received a sound thrashing. And rightly so. Most of the pubs that I frequented back in the North served various types of real cask ale, maybe a couple of types of lager for the ladies and ASBO teens, Cider for the weirdoes, and a row full of optics for the high-rollers. Sherry, sweet or otherwise, was something that the likes of Mavis Riley

and Emily Bishop drank on Coronation Street, or was dragged from the back of a dusty drinks cabinet on Christmas day to drizzle over a trifle before being put back for another year. So a couple of weeks ago I was chatting with a few mates about whether or not it was acceptable for a bloke to order a sherry in a Spanish bar. I know the countless glossy travel magazines will rant on about the joys of sitting in an Andalusian Tapas bar sipping a dry ‘Jerez’ with a few slices of salty Jamon Iberico... etc... etc... but I was curious to know what

WOMEN

Can you imagine a fat caveman?

Me neither!

Why?

Because they were hunting, gathering and eating unadulterated foods, they didn’t gorge themselves on refined sugar or pastries; in fact pastries or ovens didn’t even exist! Our genetics or nutritional needs have scarcely changed since Palaeolithic times, although the vast array of foods available today has provided many options - many of them extremely calorific and devoid of any true nutrition! But we are not genetically adapted to eat processed foods and they will make you fat! To be like a caveman you will have to give them up. Eat like your

ancestors Imagine your Palaeolithic ancestors as lean, mean fighting machines with strong bodies and not an ounce of flab. Their ancestral diet centred on foods commonly available today such as: grass-fed pasture raisedmeats, fish, vegetables, fruit, roots and nuts; and excluded grains, legumes, dairy products, salt, refined sugar and processed oils. While I don’t recommend existing on raw meat alone, what I am proposing is going back to nature and eating the natural proteins and carbohydrates in the proportions your ancestors would have eaten them. Palaeolithic diet practitioners should derive about 56-65% of their food energy from animal foods

and 36-45% from plant foods. The diet is a little higher in protein and relatively low in carbohydrates (22-40% energy), with a fat intake providing 28-58% of their energy. But remember, cavemen didn’t think about calories or fat grams, and nor should you. Great carbohydrates Avoid processed food, i.e. cakes, confectionary, pastries and sugar, and eat foods in their most natural, unprocessed form. Therefore, your carbohydrates will come from root vegetables, fresh berries and fresh fruit and veggies. You also need to give up grains and beans since cavemen were hunters and gatherers and they didn’t farm. This came later in our evolution.

Long live friendship! After losing his parents, this 3 year old orang-utan was so depressed he wouldn’t eat and didn’t respond to any medical treatments. The veterinarians thought he would surely die from sadness. The zoo keepers found an old sick dog on the grounds in the park at the zoo where the orang-utan lived and took the dog to the animal treatment

centre. The dog arrived at the same time the orang-utan was there being treated. The 2 lost souls met and insepa have been inseparable ever since. The orang-utan found a new reason to live and each always tries his best to be a good companion to his new found friend. They are together 24 hours a day in all their activities. They live in Northern California where swimming is their favourite past time, although Roscoe

(the orang-utan) is a little afraid of the water and needs his friend’s help to swim.

Iker Casillas Real Madrid CF

the reality was away from the tourist hotspots of Seville. So do ‘real blokes’ drink Sherry in the ‘real Spain’ (where the glossy mags don’t often venture)? My first attempt at ordering a sherry fell on stony ground. My usual barman in my local bar just laughed and proceeded to give me my usual pint. My second attempt fared better - although he did have to ask me twice - and resulted in me being asked exactly what type of sherry I would like. How the hell would I know? So I rattled off the only one that I knew that I could ask for confidently - ‘Fino’. I can only describe the taste as being a cross between a dry white wine, skilfully blended with a touch of molasses and a hint of nail polish remover. But each to their own... The only reaction in the whole bar came from the barman himself, a shrug of the shoulders, and that came from his surprise that I had ordered something other than my usual Pint - something I don’t think that I had ever done in my 7 years of frequenting the hostelry. So the result was a null hypothesis - but if I had to stick my neck out I’d say that it was socially acceptable for a bloke to order a sherry, but maybe nowhere near as common as the Glossies would have you believe (at least not in my part of Spain). And maybe I would have had a vicious beating from the locals if they could have been bothered to put their Campari and Soda’s down. www.tumbit.com

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A Dia-Tribe By Suzanne Manners

he Metaphysical poet John Donne wrote; ‘never ask to know for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.’ But he was wrong. It doesn’t toll for me. Doorbell, phone chime, pager, none of them will be for me. In fact the only bell that tolls for me (apart of course from the metaphorical one intended by the poem) is the morning alarm. Any bells or calls in my house will be for my son or the woman who lived here before us. Two years on and she still receives more calls than I. I am of course discounting those annoying messages from Movistar offering me great prizes if I repeatedly text GANA only to be informed that I have not ‘GANA’ed’. When your children have a better social life than you, then it’s time to re-evaluate your life, and quick before Donne’s bell starts tolling (I wonder if that one has a snooze button?). During the summer, the kids on my Urb, here in Santa Pola, team up to form a tribe. This tribe has many complex and rigid rules of social behaviour and a variety of initiation ceremonies (one of which seems to entail teasing the dogs next door so that they bark incessantly). At sunset the tribe embarks on a walkabout in which they shrug and ‘whatever’ until exhaustion or hunger sends them scurrying back to their parents at which time the ancient ceremony of ‘you are ruining my life’ begins. Anthropologically speaking the tribe is fascinating. There is a clear hierarchy of membership determined quite simply by age. The older children decide on the evening’s activities (these consist mostly of sitting around outside the tennis court) and the younger children follow, happily breaking off every now and then to trap bugs or pick their noses (their own not the bugs!). To intervene or attempt to infiltrate the tribe will have serious consequences for the interloper. Not quite heads on spikes but close. The adults on the Urb watch from a safe distance and monitor the tribe’s activities ensuring the delicate eco system remains balanced (ice cream can be used to barter with) and untainted by outside forces (although excursions into their territory to drop food aid is permitted). So this year, for the first time, I have seen less of my son than his father. I have spent my summer alone. The friends I have are away and of course I have not made new ones because I have been busily bringing up a whole new member of the human race. My son (who this year has become a leader of the tribe) returns home, throws himself onto the settee (creating a miasma of sweat and feet and disarray) and grunts. Out of politeness I ask what he has been doing only to be told that its none of my business and when did I join the Gestapo and he’s never allowed to do what he wants and why do I always interfere and try to ruin his life...blah... blah...shrug. I am not even permitted to live vicariously through my son. Perhaps I should try internet dating...or join a dance

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class...or pottery...or maybe I should just launch myself maniacally at Donne’s tolling bell like Quasimodo on crack screaming “Esmeralda, it was the bells, they made me deaf you know.” Whatever... Addendum I wrote this several weeks ago before the London riots, in which the tribal system at its most dysfunctional was evident. Children as young as nine were seen looting, throwing stones and generally re-enacting scenes from ‘Lord of the Flies’. As parents we seem to have lost control of our young and I wonder if our society, a society in which some adults behave like feckless children, is making the task of bringing up responsible, well rounded human beings, more difficult. In a functional society all adults take responsibility for its children. I remember years ago on a visit to Moscow (before the fall of communism and the rise of McDonalds in Prague Square) watching bemused as a tiny, birdlike woman berated a group of male students for sitting on the curb at the entrance to Red Square. Our translator told us that she had admonished the youngsters for showing disrespect for their heritage. The students apologised profusely and went on their way shame-faced and chastened. I can’t imagine that happening now. The students would laugh at the old lady or have her arrested for infringing their human rights. The human rights act was drawn up to protect people from corrupt and dictatorial governments, it is there to prevent the abuses of power, not to allow irresponsible and morally corrupt people to act in any way they please. I blame Margaret Thatcher and her ‘greed’ government, selfish attainment of personal gratification became the norm, “there is no society” she proudly proclaimed. How could such an intelligent woman say something so stupid? And then of course there was New Labour with its champagne socialism and micro managerial style of government (we may be virtually bankrupt but we have cameras in bins and you can be sent to jail for telling your own child to shut up). If Blair can lie about his reasons for sending other people’s children to their deaths in a war of attrition, how can we expect our young to tell the truth about their whereabouts or show respect towards their elders? Our children have been betrayed by the very people who should have been protecting, nurturing and guiding them, instead we were all too busy going to pubs and clubs, taking ecstasy or smoking dope, worrying about Tantric sex and whether we were getting enough, watching Live Aid on large TVs while pop stars in Versace jeans sipped Cristal champagne back stage, enjoying the fruits of the permissive society created by our own parents while still bemoaning our lack of freedom and lying about weapons of mass destruction. No wonder the buggers rioted. Suzanne Manners

Santa Pola

2.8.2011

DESTINATION BAR & GRILL

‘BEST REAL ESTATE AGENCY IN SPAIN’ AT EUROPEAN PROPERTY AWARDS Europe’s finest developers, architects, interior designers and real estate agents gathered at The Park Lane Hotel in Mayfair, London on Friday (September 23rd) for the announcement of the winners of the hotly contested European Property Awards. Judging is carried out through a meticulous process involving a panel of over 80 experts and covering every aspect of the property business. At the European International Property Awards local real estate company MASA International who also celebrate their 30th Anniversary this year were presented their 5 Star award in one of the most competitive categories ‘Best Real Estate Agency in Spain’. Sales & Marketing Director Paul Payne said of the award “We are naturally delighted to be the overall 5 Star winner of the Best Real Estate Agency in Spain. Never before has the industry been so competitive so it’s fantastic to get this kind of recognition. Throughout our 30 years of selling property in Spain we have always put a safe, friendly buying environment for our customers at the forefront of our operation and I believe this award is testament to that commitment.” Speaking about working in a challenging property market Paul Payne commented: “There has been a significant improvement in the market over the last twelve months. We are fortunate enough to have a wide network of European agents and offices who send us buyers from many countries and at this moment we are seeing ever increasing numbers particularly from Scandinavia. Our biggest challenge is finding enough good resale properties to sell, particularly in areas such as Gran Alacant and the Orihuela Costa. Hopefully winning the award will remind those looking to sell their chances of selling are going to be much greater with an international company than with a small local agent .” The ultimate World’s Best in each category will be unveiled when the final results are revealed at London’s Savoy Hotel on December 12th. If you would like advice about buying or selling a property in Spain you can contact Paul Payne from MASA International on (0034) 629 251 747.

Opening Times 10am -1am Every Day 15

Mystic Monkey ‘Uuuummmmm...’

OCTOBER 2011 Your long held dream of tightrope-walking across the Ni Niagara is coming a step closer this month as the authorities come under the influence of a daredevil Jupiter looking to make it legal for people to fall to their watery deaths. However, if you name hasn’t been on the list since 1974 it might take a bit of waiting Naughty T-Shirt wit is about to become your thing this month as Neptune shatters any previously held inhibitions, albeit temporarily. The value (to your sense of well being) of the messages on the sticks on ice lolly’s will override all the damage the calories are doing to your diet this month,.

IT’S ALL KICKING OFF AGAIN! FANTASY FOOBALL 2011-12 After a long, long summer without football the MASA International Fantasy Football League is back and back with

Planet Mars is trying to develop a three finger gesture which is as rude as a one or two finger gesture, and it has chosen Gemini to come up with a solution this month. Help the planet out and you will be rewarded with a near superhuman mastery of junior electronics which will impress a young child later in the year.

a veritable bang. Last seasons winner Alan McGinn appears to have been joined by the rest of the McGinn clan, and if they are half as good as him at racking up the

How do you know when it’s right to give someone a double cheek kiss? Do they tell you? Or is it just assumed? Your confusion is about to be helped out by a paternal Neptune in a celestial equivalent of a fayre ground kissing booth meets Swan Lake ballet dance type way.

points, then the rest of us have a challenge on our hands.

Saturn has left you a message on a local country music radio station. You have until the rattlesnake rattles for the last time before midnight on the 19th to do what the message says or regret it for the rest of your life.

The ﬁnal Sunday of the month saw a mountain of goals and points accumulated at the expense of the North London comedy double act that is Arsenal and Tottenham. Those who chose

‘Looking on the bright side’ is about to come into your life in a mindless ditzy-blond-teen-MTV kind of way, until the storms clear on Neptune’s crust at noon on the third Saturday of the month. Your destiny will be explained to you by a guru at the speed of a disclaimer message on radio advertisements.

wisely (not me) shot up the table and will come as no surprise to many that the Manager of Month (barring any last minute point adjustments) is from the

‘Double bogie’ is set to be your golf related personal hygiene problem all month, especially first thing in the morning or if you take an impromptu nap at your desk in working hours.

Fantasy Football Dynasty that is the McGinn family. Well done Rooney’s Rompers under the stewardship of Elliott McGinn who amassed a whopping 97 points in the ﬁnal weekend of

Climbing trees is generally well starred, unless you are a Scorpio cat where there is a 23% chance you will be stuck up a tree with little hope of a fire brigade on hand to get you down. Try meowing, alternatively aggressively, and then, pathetically, until someone hears.

August. The prize format is the same as last

Walking close to the edge of cliffs is set to become 7% more precarious this month. Sagittarius born wild bears will have no difficulty finding food this August especially in national parks or in small towns where the picnicking locals are easily scared. This month, 3D street artists are set to provide small obstacles/artworks on the sidewalk in an apparent attempt to test your art appreciation faculties. Beware painted coins, drawn paper money and uncomprehendingly evil cracks in the pavement.

accumulated the most points will be named Manager of Month and will win dinner for two at the Hotel MASA overlooking the sea (no sheepskin jacket required).

Peaches are both your lucky and unlucky fruit this month, depending on your celestial aspect - eating a peach when facing a north easterly through to north westerly direction is well starred, but spin round on your own personal axis, especially on the 7th of the month. Saturn is on the cusp of deciding some sort of debt restructuring deal this month which could have profound effects on you and those in your personal orbit. If you are in the House of Representatives this means you, but if you are in any other kind of house this also means you.

season. Each month the manager who

Of course, we are all chasing the big prize of €250 that goes to the the top of table manager at the end of the season. It’s not too late to get involved, so if you want to join, drop me an email at paul@masainternational.com and I’ll send you an invite.

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NETWORKING I COMPUTER SALES I SUPPORT REDES I VENTAS DE ORDENADORES I SUPORTO TECNICO

YOUR COMPUTER Got a question? Ask Steve at ask@allabroad.es

Questions & ANSWERS

with Steve Haynes of

Ibertech Computers have been serving

also some great tips on free software

the Costa’s for 10 years now and over

for your computer, let’s face it everyone

these years have had many differ-

likes a freebee don’t they.

ent outlets for advice and information

Also those of you out there who like to

including our repair centres and various

play the odd game whether it be from

newspapers but now we have a new

Sudoku to Modern Warfare will be in for

home to supply YOU with the latest tips

a treat with game reviews which I am

and info regarding your technology.

sure will help with the boredom factor of

We have multiple technicians who are

the winter months.

Microsoft Certified and a couple of great

I have known Dave Bull from when the

girls who always seem to make sure ev-

Jungle Drums was first released and

eryone leaves with a smile on their face.

now here we are with the revelation

Our Sales and Repair centres also have

that is All Abroad! So here’s to a new

the handy convenience of being Internet

and improved mag for the Local ex-pat

Cafes with our trained staff on hand to

community, and to celebrate this we

help with any problems while you are

are going to give you free diagnosis of

online.

your Pc problems when you produce this

With around 20 years of experience

copy of All Abroad which is normally a

working with Pc’s I have personally

€19 service so make the most of it get

seen many changes and now is a great

that niggling problem diagnosed before

time in I.T. with the brilliant Windows 7,

winter kicks in.

smartphone revolution and the mas-

I hope you enjoy reading the coming

sive interest in touch screen computers

articles and if you want to ask us any

which will change the way we use them

questions you can contact us at al-

forever!

labroad@iber-tech.com or follow us on

Coming over the next 12 months are

facebook.com/ibertech or see the details

some massive changes to Windows with

below.

the release of the biggest shake up of Windows for over 10 years with the Metro themed Windows 8 which is going to be great! Over the coming months I look forward to bringing you the latest information regarding what is round the corner and

if so either write to us here at the magazine or contact Steve direct

cts

‘Interesting’ Computer Fa

1. On an average work day, a typist’s fingers travel 12.6 miles. 2. The Dvorak keyboard is more efficient than QWERTY. 20 times faster, in fact. 3. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. 4. On eBay, there are an average of €680 worth of transactions each second. 5. “Stewardesses” is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. 6. 80% of all pictures on the internet are of naked women 7. In the 1980s, an IBM computer wasn’t considered 100 per cent compatible unless it could run Microsoft Flight Simulator*. 8. The world’s first computer, called the Z1, was invented by Konrad Zuse in 1936. His next invention, the Z2 was finished in 1939 and was the first fully functioning electro-mechanical computer. 9. The first computer mouse was invented by Doug Engelbart in around 1964 and was made of wood. 10. Domain names are being registered at a rate of more than one million names every month. 11. There are approximately 1.06 billion instant messaging accounts worldwide. 12. The first banner advertising was used in 1994. 13. E-mail has been around longer than the World Wide Web. 14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute, less than half the normal rate of 20. 16. The average 21 year old has spent 5,000 hours playing video games, has exchanged 250,000 e-mails, instant and text messages and has spent 10,000 hours on the mobile phone. 17. By the year 2012 there will be approximately 17 billion devices connected to the Internet. 18. MySpace reports over 110 million registered users. Were it a country, it would be the tenth largest, just behind Mexico. 19. While it took the radio 38 years and the television a short 13 years, it took the World Wide Web only 4 years to reach 50 million users. 20. There are approximately 1,319,872,109 people on the Internet.

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Email: ask@allabroad.es Twitter: @allabroadmag Web: www.allabroad.es Or call us on: 606 540 408 Failing that: send a pigeon

HE KNOWS STUFF

I claim from DaveBull: 1 expensive steak dinner, 6 bottles of fine Malt Whisky,1 Sooty glove puppet, an end to the abusive letterspacing of lower case type and stretching of images. It would also be helpful if you worked out how hyphenate type correctly. (‘In this case registering your logo – because me, being a Wally, hadn’t…’) Ohhh! Nooo! They haven’t. It can take about eight months in Spain. Jungle Drums is only going through the application period of registration. Check the http://oami.europa.eu website. Application Date: 2011-0714 M2991874 (combined words and image application) You may object as the original copyright holder that you have provided no permission for the mark/logo to be registered. Providing evidence the mark belongs to you. You may object that the mark/logo does not contain artistic features capable of existing seperately and independantly. In simple english. The logo is not graphically derived. It consists of a fancy faced font. A font face is not allowable under the rules for trademark registration. Why? Because the copyright of the font belongs to the original creator. Gideon Stargrave – I know stuff

TIME TO COVER UP

policy so I obtained a really good price from her insurers which was a third cheaper than the bank. But when I went to the bank they told me that I was not able to change my policy and I had to stay with them! I am really angry with thisand feel that there is nothing I can do. Mrs G Pritchard – La Marina. Hi, please take a look at the article on page 29 of this magazine which covers (geddit?) this matter. Sorry about the joke… ED.

TYRED? Dear Ed,

LOOK WHERE YOURE TREADING! Dear Sir,

one of the best organised events I have been to. The council, Policia Local, and Athletic club had done a superb job. I will be entering again next year but shall be training a lot harder. Chris Bikers Espana Thanks Chris that’s always good to hear – especially the Spansih being organised! Ed.

HOW COULD THEY? Just seen whats happened with Jungle Drums Dave. Dont let the b******s get you down !! Jude xxxxxx p.s. They had better not turn up with the mag here, they will be sent away with a flea in their ear!! Article in September issue, BATHING IN HISTORY – FORTUNA

Hello.

Violet King said:

I was wondering whether any of your

Ten years ago now, when I first

readers knew if it was possible to

started the Nosmo-King Club the first

move away from the bank for house-

few coach trips we organised included

hold insurance. I have a mortgage

trips to Fortuna. Memorable experi-

with one of the savings bank and I

ences!! There are lovely resort Hotels

received a note of the renewal 1 week

where you can use the spas and have

before the policy was due to be paid.

treatments and have relaxing week

The premium was very expensive

end breaks. All in all worth booking a

with the bank and the documents

trip there for the day anyway.

are issued in Spanish. I knew that

Archena is good too Dave….perhaps

my neighbour had an English worded

go there too at some stage.

www.allabroad.es

I’m impressed, I need to say. Really rarely do I encounter a magazine that’s both educative and entertain-

Hello, very professional high

ing, and let me let you know, you

level blog! thank you for sharing.

have got hit the nail on the head.

Because of good writing, and I

Your idea is excellent; the problem

learned a lot, and I am glad to see

is that not enough people are talking

such a beautiful thing. Sorry for my

intelligently about subjects. I’m very

bad English. ?

happy that I stumbled across this in

Kris

my search for something referring to

It is always relaxing when you find a

life in Spain.

write-up that is not only informative

Nigel,

but entertaining. I will bookmark

Thanks Nigel…er, keep stum-

All Abroad » Blog Archive » Georgie

bling…? Ed.

May’s 2012 charity calendar. I’ve

I entered the Duathlon Cros in Santa Pola and would just like to say it was

from the website

been looking for ideas about this

OOH I SAY…

subject matter for months and yours

Dear Editor,

enjoyed your article.

Well, all I can say is what goes around

Sergi

is the best I have found. I really

comes around. And indeed I for one have never rated the Jungle Drums

Wonderful articles written well.

as anything but a cheap/ nasty throw

Content is real attractive.

away full of adverts. Sorry that’s

Mike

probably not what you want to hear, but indeed that’s how I feel. Some of

I have a house in Torrevieja and

the editorial produced by your self in

spend six months out there but

the old JD was just a joke and much

we’re currently in the rainy UK!

insulting from begining to end.

Thanks for the great information on

I dou’t whether your new adventure

your website – answered (nearly) all

will take off, as I feel that there are

of our questions! Keep up the good

indeed much bigger distributed and

work!

much more better presented mags

Maggie

along the Coastas and indeed JD has never been one of the above. Very

Great articles and information and

hard to find a copy and 90% full of

we really appreciate the smile that

adverts with very little readabillity.

you put on our face each month –

I bet you don’t allow this comment to

we live in Nerja but read All Abroad

appear on here, as the truth is hard

online – you have a lot of readers

to swallow.

down this way now too – do you

Max Valentine

have plans to print down here to?

‘the truth’? why ‘Max’ you must be

John

the wise one then…? Hehe thanks

Hi John,

for writing in and hopefully you

We’d love to and we’re trying

didn’t break too many crayons

to find a way of doing it - but

while doing it..? Bless.

we’re blokes and we cant do

Dave

more than one thing at a time as

p.s. next time ask nurse to help

I’m sure you know…?

you with the spelling? X

Dave

STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

ee s off

Ta pa s M e a ls

Hotel Balneario Baños de Fortuna

Banos de Fortuna

Enjoy afternoon tea or perhaps a meal in the beautifully restored theatre, or dine on the sun terrace between the palm trees - a wonderful treat any time of the day

Actin its age

Relax amongst history

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of history or just really want a decent cake it’s worth a trip out to the Hotel Leana complex...

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ng e.

Dave Bull and photographer Mark Welton

opening it up, once again, for people to en-

visited one of the regions oldest, and pret-

joy its therapeutic waters and the host of

tiest, hotels, the Hotel Balneario in Fortuna

other treatments available there now too.

and discovered that things haven’t always checked out well for the historic complex.

TREADING THE BOARDS

Having been used by Romans and Moors

The original theatre is there too, and

as a spa, (not the supermarket…) Fortuna

performing artists still come to entertain

was left abandoned until 1860 when along

on the stage. The Café Teatro has been

came Juan Cascales Font with an idea to

restored using original and where neces-

build a hotel on the site of the hot springs,

sary, matching materials to give visitors an

the hotel was Hotel Balneario and it is

idea of its ambience all those years ago.

much the same today, Victorian in its style

For the men, the original equipment used

and quality, as it was when it opened 150

(projectors and stuff – that’s all I know…)

years ago.

are on display and you can even climb

The first building built on the site was just

the stairs to enjoy a drink on the original

16 metres x 50 metres and was situated

upper balcony. Although Carol, the café

on top of the thermal springs and which

manageress assures me that these days

is now called the Gran Hotel. However in

they won’t charge extra for sitting upstairs,

1874 it went up in flames and particularly

but it really does give you a feel for how an

on the upper floor meaning two years’

evening at the theatre might have been in

worth of repairs before it could reopen and

Victorian Spain (and how blooming short

fourteen years later, in 1888, the Gran Ho-

they must have been!). Anyway, to balance

tel was extended and more buildings were

things up (the men have the projectors)

added in modern designs (for the time)

for the ladies, the café does some of the

which included three hotels, the Hotel

most delicious looking cakes and good-

Balneario, Hotel Victoria and Hotel España

ies, and eating them out on the terrace

and the Casino.

overlooking the warm springs isn’t a bad

All of the buildings were designed to

way of piling on a few (necessary) pounds

complement one another, which you’ll see

in time for winter...

if you go along there, and the facade of

If you like old buildings, hot springs, a bit

the main hotel, painted pink, highlights the

of history or just really want a decent cake

wide balconies and the main entrance with

it’s worth a trip out to the Hotel Leana

its very classical frontage.

complex, not only for the therapeutic

According to the owners own history on the

springs or just to appreciate the quality of

place the restaurant, which was restored

the Victorian architecture on display inside

in 1910, was inspired by the restaurant

and out of all the buildings which are all

of the Titanic (I wouldn’t ask for ice…)and

still owned by the Cascales family. No…just

a glass cabinet inside contains some of

go there with the idea of having a really

the curious objects from the Royal gallery

nice cake and how better to justify it than

including golden miniature crowns and pre-

chomping it down at a health spa?

cious stones of all the Royal Houses at its inauguration.

ALONG CAME THE WAR Around the turn of the century road layouts were changed and access improved to turn the resort into one of the busiest and eye-catching of the time and things ticked along quite nicely, thank you until the civil war when the hotel was requisitioned by the republicans to serve as a field hospital. However, once the war was over the hotel fell into disrepair and one of the region’s most popular and beautiful resorts before the war began to slowly fall apart. The state of hotel, and how far it had fallen, was highlighted in the 1960’s when a movie was partly filmed there but it took another 30 years for the place to start getting a well-deserved revamp which began in the 1990’s when the Cascales family, the original owners, spent a small fortune restoring the place to its original glory and

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Richrad Poulton in his adopted City, Alicante. Photo by Mark Welton

ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.

TEL. 606 540 408

Richard Poolton talks to Dave Bull about falling in love ‘at first sight’ with Spain

starting a new business that will

ard, ‘but more about the historical

be launched next Easter, but he

and cultural lessons to be learned

has no trouble ‘filling his days’ as

and if you have never been I can

he uses the time to explore the

only compare it to something like

Spanish culture that bit more.

a ballet or opera for the range of

His typical day will consist of get-

emotions on display at each one.

Now and again in Spain you come

ting up and taking his bi-lingual

I’ve been here twelve years now

across one of us expats who can’t

dog (name needed) for a stroll in

after talking to Richard my love

stop talking about how they have

the cool morning air before de-

and passion for the place I’ve de-

fallen in love with Spain, and for

scending on ‘Aromas’, his favou-

cided to call home was given a

all the right reasons. Now, I don’t

rite local café in San Juan, Alicante

huge boost by his enthusiasm for

necessarily mean the cheap alco-

for breakfast and a natter with the

‘living the life’ and being around

hol, cheap(er) cigarettes, the hot

locals about anything from the

expats such as him makes you re-

and beautiful beaches and the hot

price of veg’ to Spain’s dominance

alise that this really is a fantastic

and beautiful women; although

of world football – they like that

place to live and work. I should

they are sound reasons and de-

one.

know, I’m writing this in the bed

serve to be put forward in argu-

A lunch with international friends

of my pick-up, on the beach. It’s a

ment one day. No, what I’m talk-

in Alicante is next on his agenda,

tough job but…awww I think you

ing about is the culture; the food;

he hops onto the ever-punctual

know the rest…

the slower pace of life, the friend-

tram, and that’s another thing,

This article was written by Dave

liness and the food again… Rich-

Richard told me he loves about the

Bull for of MASA International who

ard Poolton is one of those people

place, the fact that he can go to

are experts in the sale of property

who will admit that Spain has its

lunch (as he did on the day I met

in Spain. See www.masainterna-

awkward idiosyncrasies (show me

him) with a Bulgarian, a Hungari-

tional.co.uk

a perfect country) but those are

an and an Italian, before indulging

You can also follow the adventures

far out-weighed by the positives

himself in his hobby of photogra-

of Dave Bull in Spain by following

of being an expat in Spain.

phy. The coast is very cosmopoli-

@DavejBull on Twitter.

Richards story starts (for us) in

tan these days with Europeans

2009 when his wife, (need name),

moving to the area for work at

who was at that time working for

OAMI European copyright centre

the British Government, was of-

and at the European school in San

fered a (well paid) position in

Juan and it is all the richer for it.

Alicante and the couple decided

A swim will inevitably round of his

to accept. Richard, having trav-

afternoon either in the community

elled extensively up to that point,

pool next to his flat that overlooks

had never been to Spain and has

the golf course or down at the

always resisted because of the

beautiful Playa San Juan where

‘Brits abroad’ image portrayed by

the rich and famous tend to own

TV programmes such as Benidorm

a flat, or two. But Richards day

and the like. However, with a little

doesn’t stop there because before

persuasion from his wife, and be-

long his wife will return from work

ing an open-minded sort of chap,

and neither of them have tired of

he came – and he really hasn’t

the novelty of her coming home

looked back since.

from work and the pair of them

He immediately fell in love with

heading down to the beach for din-

the slow pace of life and the (al-

ner next to the sea. Again wine is

most) compulsory breakfast and

pretty much compulsory if you’re

coffee start to each day and began

eating out (or in – or anywhere ac-

in earnest to learn the language

tually…) and anyone who tires of

with the help of his dog. Well,

sipping a glass of Rioja alongside

that’s not strictly true but he did

the clear blue Mediterranean each

use the time while walking the dog

evening is probably bored of life,

to listen to Spanish audio lessons

or just mad.

– so for this particular piece, we’ll

Richard told me that his image of

give the dog some credit too.

Spain changed immediately they

With his passion building for the

arrived and he can’t believe the

place fast Richard immersed him-

life he has in Alicante these days,

self into the Spanish culture and

‘it’s got everything I want and

soaked it up; chatting to waiters

more,’ said Richard, adding, ‘it’s

each day to improve his Spanish,

as if this was all here waiting for

little by little and understanding

me to find it and its been lucky for

that he wouldn’t ‘get it’ overnight

me as I love my cycling and this

but every day he moved a little

month the Tour of Spain is going

closer to holding that first conver-

almost past my front door!’

sation which, as Richard says, ‘it

Now a self-confessed ‘Paella ad-

was the most important thing for

dict’ Richard will even go along

me, and then I would be able to do

to a bullfight to experience the

so much more – and not have to

strong emotions that the con-

rely on others all the time too.’

troversial event invokes on the

Richard is fortunate in that he

Spanish who go in their thousands

doesn’t have to work at the mo-

during the season. ‘It’s not about

ment, although he is planning on

killing the bull for me, said Rich-

EGYPT & BUST! Expat Christina Webb found herself trapped in Egypt during the uprising and eventually escaped to her new home in Spain where Dave bull met up with her. Christina Webb has always been one step ahead, well until she found herself enveloped in the Egyptian revolution in 2011 while working for the Saudi Embassy, but more of that later. She retired at a young age, to France, she was in her 40’s (that’s young as far as I’m concerned) having leased her hotel in Scotland and bought to properties across the channel but having always been active and busy she soon became bored and when she was offered the chance of a well-paid and challenging post in Egypt with the Saudi embassy she decided it was time for a new start, and off she went. Read her full story in All Abroad next month. Have you got an interesting story for us? Have you got an interesting job here or do you just ‘love the life’? Let us know at ask@allabroad. es and we’ll print your story!

STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

kids

SPAIN FOR

KIDS

WOMEN & kids

people the hardest part buildings could roof. These If you’d For likemost your of exercising is just getting started. interest a kid in architecture kids to see a bit moreand lack of time Hectic schedules and make him/her look at certainly contribute to the excuses. of Spain... buildings in a new way. ...why not head off Granada: The Alhambra, a fairy tale castle unlike any to some of the most they have imagined, each popular, and space covered in intricate interesting, places, stone carving. Be sure to try and don’t forget the whispering corners. Valencia: L’Oceanográfico, your toothbrush!

walls, especially when they

palace, well worth a visit to

of golden beaches, diver-

can walk on top of them and

see the official home of a real

sions include Selwo (a nature

look down into streets right

king and queen (although

park/zoo with animals of five

out of the Middle Ages?

they actually live just outside

continents living in semi-wild

Jerez de la Frontera: Watch

of the city in another palace).

environments), Aquapark

horses march and dance

Tenerife (Canary Islands):

(Europe’s largest water park

choreographed ballet at daily

Loro Parque combines a zoo,

with rides for all ages) and

shows of the Royal Andalu-

marine park and gardens,

Tivoli World (for all ages,

cian School of Equestrian Art.

where whales, tigers, mon-

but with a special section of

Seville: Get hooked on Fla-

keys, parrots and sharks

11 rides designed just for

menco at the new Museum

– some 4000 creatures in all

toddlers).

Europe’s largest aquarium,

of Flamenco Dancing (Museo

-- live in their own natural

Cádiz: Less well-known

Barcelona: Gaudi’s crazy

is only part of the brilliant

del Baile Flamenco), attend

environments. It is Spain’s

(except to the Spanish),

buildings on Paseig del Gracia

complex of science parks and

a Flamenco show and return

most popular zoo, and its top

the Costa Ballena is another

include Casa Batllo, with

museums. Mangrove swamps

for dance lessons at the mu-

attraction is the frequent dai-

beach area, this one on the

balconies like skulls and a

to the igloo-shaped Arctic ex-

seum. Bring home the right

ly shows featuring Europe’s

Atlantic side of Gibraltar, but

dragon-scale roof, and Casa

hibits and Mediterranean sea

clothes and shoes, too, from

largest dolphin pod.

with gentle waves and nearly

Mila, whose wavy façade

life to the movie-star dolphin,

the museum shop.

Malaga: For those seek-

four miles of fine-sand beach.

is draped with balconies of

Flipper, if it’s wet, the kids

Madrid: Visit the two giant

ing sun and sand at family

Tidal pools form a natural

wrought-iron seaweed. The

can learn about it here.

pandas in their air-condi-

prices, plus multiple amuse-

aquarium where children are

inspiration for Darth Vader

Avilla: Who could help being

tioned pagoda at the Madrid

ments for non-beach hours,

fascinated for hours.

came from its chimneys, so

fascinated by an entire city

Zoo. It’s in a vast park be-

the Costa del Sol may be jus

be sure to tour the inside and

surrounded by Medieval

hind the Palacio Real – royal

the ticket. Along with miles

Open: Mon-Fri: 10-16 Sat: 10-14 26

ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.

TEL. 606 540 408

y l l a c i g o l o h c y s P Speaking..! To be able to look at someone who is answering a really difficult question and know that they are lying to you would be so wonderful, wouldn’t it? No matter how we try and how many great programmes there are on the subject it is still incredibly difficult. If only.... so let’s look at clues to what to look for if someone maybe lying! First of all what are they saying verbally? Are they giving lots of detail more than you really need to know? Are they talking all the time when it’s really unnecessary? Are they using a lot of ‘ums’ and ‘errs’ when they are talking to you? Or do you notice them speaking really slowly as if they are thinking whilst speaking so they don’t get caught out? All of the above are considered verbal signs of lying, of course there are lots more these are just to name a few.

There are also non-verbal clues....... Here we go Mr Lightman are you looking carefully? As it is shown in the programme ’Lie to me’ Micro-expressions are very easy to miss these are flashes of expression, they can be, anger, surprise, regret and even hurt. Unless you are actually videoing the person you are questioning and playing it back in slow motion, these are tricky ones to see. Facial expressions such as smiling a lot blinking or even overcompensations with lots of eye contact can give someone away. So if you need to know how to catch out a liar maybe these are a few tips you could use. If you are avoiding the truth and are the people being questioned remember, avoid all of the above!

WOMEN

Until next time.

Liz Steward

Bsc (Hons) Psychology

Husband of the year

AWARDS

The honorable mention goes to: The United Kingdom

The worst thing about Spain? One of the most poignant images I have of living in Spain is one of a toddler who can’t understand why granny has to stay behind the barrier at the airport. It was heart breaking, not so much for the toddler who would have forgotten as soon as they got through passport control but for granny, left on the other side. It’s a feature of us living in Spain. Airports are the snapshot of everything that is painful and delightful about being human. It’s wonderful to see the rapture in the arrivals hall and tragic to see the departures with people straining to get the last glimpse. The fact that it is of someone who has probably been annoying and pleasing them in equal measures over the past couple of weeks is immaterial. I haven’t yet found the magic

Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with MEN? Woman has Man in it; Mrs. Has Mr. In it; Female has Male in it; She has He in it; Madam has Adam in it; Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...

mantra to stop me grieving when family go back to the UK. Have you? I know they can be annoying, they come into your house, eat your food, demand a taxi service, sit in your favourite arm chair but… there is a yawning gap when they go. On a forum recently someone had posted this experience of temporary bereavement as the ‘worst thing about Spain’. Of course, there were many ready to disagree, but for the vast majority – this feeling needs no explanation. So, for all those out there who suffer the same I’ve put together my own five soothing statements: 1. ‘they have to go to come back again’ – I can already start planning their next trip at Christmas/ Easter/ summer 2. ‘look how much money I’ll save’ – no more compulsory

MEN!

AND HOW ABOUT... MENtal illness MENstrual cramps MENtal breakdown MENopause GUYnecologist

How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work. How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we cleanthey dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

AND When we have REAL trouble, it’s a.. HISterectomy.

How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. How does a man show he’s planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

meals out 3. ‘but it’s quality time’ – OK it may only be a few weeks a year but during that few weeks they are my prisoners! 4. ‘I’m no longer responsible for giving them a good time’ – I can concentrate on being my normal moaning self 5. I can enjoy my company women networking lunch on Thursday 6th October/ Thursday 3rd November without worrying what they’re up to Actually, there is one more. And it’s a big one… At least it’s not me having to go back too! To spend time with other women who have chosen to network rather than sniffle into their handkerchiefs why not join us http://companywomen.org/

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”

Followed closely by...... The United States of America own any redness on the rim of the eye.

And then... Poland

But 3rd Place must go to... Greece

It was very very close but the runner up prize Was awarded to.... Serbia

But the winner of the husband/ partner of the Year is Ireland. You’ve gotta love the Irish.

The Irish are true romantics… …look, he's even holding her hand...

WOMEN

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ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.

TEL. 606 540 408

Keeping it covered with SOS Insurance Insurances can be a nightmare for many of us, especially when you are the one who is tasked with having to sort it out! Who do I go to? What do I ask for? Have I insured my sums insured for too much or too little, or, what do I do if I have a claim? Plus many more questions. In the UK this was not a problem for us, we could go to our local brokers and sit down and go through all our queries, knowing that we would be given the correct advice; in a Language we can understand!!! SOS deal with all insurances and the one that we are going to take a look at this week is House-

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LADIES FASHION ALL SIZES

DL1 Boutique 17 Calle Los Arcos Ciudad Quesada Tel. 603 241 110

new stock arriving every 2 weeks WINTER shoes & boots ACCESSORIES WINTER fashion SHOW watch this space If we havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t got it - we can order it for you

Time to treat yourself!

ALL ABROAD! - original thinking. TEL. 606 540 408

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TV’s dressers armchairs BEDS coffee tables desks

dining sets whole house appliances Call Lisa on: 680 884 155

ALL ABROAD! - original thinking. TEL. 606 540 408

Estate Agents Victoria, Estate Agent Victoria, established some 30 years ago, offers its clients a top quality service, which can only be offered by a company exclusively devoted and experienced in property services with a long running track record on the Costa Blanca property market. Over the years, Victoria Estate Agent has satisfied the needs of all its clients by searching for and acquiring their properties. Our priority has always been the “wellbeing” of our clients and looking after their interests not only at the time of buying but also with an excellent after-sales service. We offer all type of help to our clients including the arranging of inheritance tax when losing one of their loved ones, making it as painless and easy as possible. Our charges are far lower than what one can find through other means. Anyone who wishes to be informed about our costs or would like a quote, also enquire about all the other services we have to offer, then please call at our office in Gran Alacant at any time and under no obligation what-so-ever. All our staff have a good knowledge of the English language and we also have a German speaking member of staff.

FEEL AT HOME

Although the last couple of years have not been easy for any of us, we are optimistic that this year we shall start to see some improvements in the property market.

www.victoria.es Inmobiliaria Victoria Avda. Escandinavia, 72 C.C. Altomar II L.10 03130 Gran Alacant · Santa Pola Tlf. 966697779 · 966698180 Fax 966697378 sp@victoria.es

inmobiliaria - estate agent www.victoria.es

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Across

1. Plum variety 5. Gets hitched 9. Bay window 14. Take too much of 15. Garfield’s foil 16. Mom’s mom 17. Tokyo-based electronics company 18. Man ___ (famous race horse) 19. Market offerings 20. Tiger Woods seen here 23. Self-evident truth 24. Common online initialism 25. Not pure 28. Part of a Web address 29. Color TV pioneer 32. Cello or oboe, abbrev. 33. Charlie to Martin 34. Mai __ (rum cocktails) 35. Tiger Shrimp is seen here 39. Part of E.M.T. (Abbrev.) 40. Today, in Toledo 41. Wolf in “The Jungle Book” 42. Haul 43. LXIII ÷ IX 44. Cornwall, Lancaster or Clarence 46. Invoice amount 47. Sound units 48. Tiger Lillies seen here 55. “__ against?” 56. Italian volcano 57. “I smell __” 58. “__ of Two Cities” 59. Classic Pontiac muscle cars 60. Wax: Lat. 61. Not live 62. Tokyo-based electronics company 63. Warm-hearted

Down

1. __ JAIL (Monopoly square) 2. Yemeni port 3. Billy or Nanny 4. Wizard 5. Boogie-__ (piano blues style) 6. 1994 Depp film 7. “__ For Murder” (Hitchcock classic) 8. Feudal worker 9. Like a pedestrian 10. Holocaust hero Wallenberg 11. ___ out? (dealer’s query) 12. Terminates 13. Use a light beam 21. More than necessary 22. Exact copy 25. Lhasa’s land 26. Prefix meaning “wind” 27. ‘’So what else __?’’ 28. Homer’s interjection 29. Went to an allnighter 30. Heaven in Hidalgo 31. Indian tea state 33. Pig enclosure 34. Regains 36. Burglar, e.g. 37. ___ polloi 38. Alarm clock or bugle, perhaps 43. Changed direction suddenly 44. Not fond of 45. Nervous 46. Opening in a violin 47. ___ voce (musical direction) 48. “__ all” (perhaps not any) 49. Part of N.B. 50. Fur-trader’s device 51. They’re sometimes called drumsticks 52. “... __ saw Elba” (part of a famous palindrome) 53. Mend, in a way 54. ‘Town’, in Holland

3.What is special about the following sequence of numbers? 8 5 4 9 1 7 6 10 3 2 0 4. You are the bus driver. At your first stop, you pick up 29 people. On your second stop, 18 of those 29 people get off, and at the same time 10 new passengers arrive. At your next stop, 3 of those 10 passengers get off, and 13 new passengers come on. On your fourth stop 4 of the remaining 10 passengers get off, 6 of those new 13 passengers get off as well, then 17 new passengers get on. What is the color of the bus driver’s eyes? 5. 7.A rooster lays an egg at the very top of a slanted roof. Which side is the egg going to roll off on?

1. Take the chicken over first. Go back and bring the grain next, but instead of leaving the chicken with the grain, come back with the chicken. Leave the chicken on the first side and take the fox with you. Leave it on the other side with the grain. Finally, go back over and get the chicken and bring it over. Answers:

1. Church song 2. Granddaddy of all computers 3. Milit. leader 4. Wait __ 5. Throw up 6. R __ 7. Singer’s range, abbrev. 8. Plant __ 9. Repair 10. Actor Gulager 11. Baby’s milestone 12. Landfill: Custer’s finale 13. River of Flanders 21. Chihuahua chatter 22. US foreign policy advisory grp. 26. Mild cuss word 28. Fantasy role playing game, abbr. 29. Daytime TV offering 31. Its cap. is Abu Dhabi 32. Foursome below QWERTY 33. It’s in a heap, perhaps 34. Landfill: Do nothing 35. Certain hit in baseball 37. Big Apple sch. 38. Has 41. One way to save files 42. Cape Town land: Abbr. 43. I, to Claudius 48. Bluegrass genus 50. Prepared to go 51. AARP member 54. Mushroom cloud creator, briefly 55. “Able was ___ saw Elba” 57. Conger catcher 58. “... __ New York...” (Sinatra lyrics) 59. Drug used to treat Parkinson’s disease 60. Busy as __ 61. “Star Wars” princess 62. Certain NCO’s 63. Means ___ end 65. On the __

2.socks. If the first sock is black, the second one could be black, in which case you have a matching pair. If the second sock is white, the third sock will be either black and match the first sock, or white and match the second sock.

Down

2. You have 12 black socks and 12 white socks mixed up in a drawer. You’re up very early and it’s too dark to tell them apart. What’s the smallest number of socks you need to take out (blindly) to be sure of having a matching pair?

3. The numbers are in alphabetical order. (eight, five, four, nine, one, seven, six, ten, three, two, zero)

D? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED?

Riddles - Answers below 1.You have a fox, a chicken and a sack of grain. You must cross a river with only one of them at a time. If you leave the fox with the chicken he will eat it; if you leave the chicken with the grain he will eat it. How can you get all three across safely?

4. The eye color of the reader of this problem. The first sentence is the key: “You are the bus driver”

1. Chest muscle, for short 4. Addis ___ 9. “Back To The Future” family name 14. ___-cone 15. Grannies 16. Sewing machine inventor Howe 17. Intent 18. Rapper who produced Eminem 19. Surgeon’s assistant 20. Landfill: Tramp description 23. Orch. section 24. Jazz singer Carmen 25. Six-pointers, for short 26. Alts. 27. Kid’s docs 30. ¿Cuanto __? (Sp: How much does it cost?) 33. Like some cameras, abbr. 36. Tabu 39. Take the role of 40. Landfill: September event 44. Hebrew letters 45. Type of sleigh 46. Popular Adobe file format 47. Tank top 49. Soaks in Sheffield 52. Purged 53. Clandestine maritime org. 56. Newsman Roger 60. Chicago’s ____ Center 61. Landfill: Most recent fashion 64. Cavalry caller 66. Hences 67. John in England 68. Chou __ 69. Bristles 70. Certain record, abbr. 71. Swelling 72. Quaint denial 73. Nutritional abbr.

Fun Fact Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words.

5. Neither, roosters don’t lay eggs.

Across

Word riddle

RED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all

all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BO

BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORE Clue: Wilderness flier

NO HIDDEN EXTRAS

THE PRICE WE QUOTE IS THE PRICE YOU PAY xtrarentacar@xtra-car-hire.com

CALL PAUL

THERE IS ONLY ONE NAME IN SANTA POLA

Talleres PEREZ JUAN

NEW AND SECOND HAND VEHICLES, REPAIRS, SERVICING AND BODY WORK Talleres Perez Juan S.L Ctra Elche 10 - Santa Pola. Telephone 96 541 5921 or 96 541 3746 38

ADVICE INFOTIPS NEWS

Spanish ITV (MOT) on

Wd40 Handy Stuff? See Below

UK Registered Vehicles

It has been made clear that Brit-

Towing Trailers in Spain and the Law

ish expats who are resident in Spain can drive their UK plated vehicles on Spanish roads for a maximum of 180 days. After this time, the vehicle must be exported or transferred to Spanish

So what do you need

to 80km/h (50 mph) on dual carriageways and

to know about towing a

motorways, and 70km/h (44 mph) on all other

plates.

trailer in Spain and the

roads.

However, there remains a lot of confu-

law?

sion over whether it is possible to get

The very subject of bringing a trailer to Spain,

*Any vehicle stopped by the Guardia for

Spanish MOT (ITV) on UK registered

or buying a trailer whilst you are here and

towing a trailer that does not comply with the

vehicles.

then towing it legally is of course closely

law will not only have the appropriates fines

associated with the subject of the legality of

and penalties applied to it, but the trailer will

The simple answer is Yes. Your UK

tow bars on cars, and as such it is strongly

be unable to continue its journey with the car

recommended that anyone interested in this

and as such accrue fees with the GRUA for

subject firstly familiarises themselves with

forward delivery.

such regulations by clicking the link HERE.

*In case of a car towing a caravan/trailer

NOTE: This process below applies to trailers

exceeding 12m, there must be two yellow

purchased in Spain - A UK bought trailer can-

reflectors at the rear of the towed caravan or

not therefore be legally towed by a Spanish

trailer.

However, this does not make your

Car - If brought from the UK they will need to

*Using an ‘A-Frame’ to tow another car is

vehicle legal for circulation on Spanish

either (in the case of less than 750kg) have

strictly forbidden.

roads.

the Fichas drawn up and be homologated, or

Bringing a trailer to Spain that was manu-

The Spanish ITV is simply a “Certificate

(in the case of More than 750kg) be Homolo-

factured and purchased in the UK can be

of Roadworthiness”. A valid UK MOT is

gated, then legally imported and registered

hugely problematic, complying with the

with the Spanish DGT, as with a car - Not a

law on towing trailer in Spain can be a little

required to legally drive your UK regis-

quick, easy or cheap process to have to go

confusing, but it is important to be aware of

through!

the differences between UK and Spanish law.

Trailers up to 750kg (Loaded)

Ignorance is no argument in the eyes of the

- All trailers in Spain in this category are not

authorities and the Guardia can and will stop

required to be registered.

and fine anyone that they see to be towing a

- Are required to have their own Fichas Tecni-

trailer that is in breach of the law.

cas, separate to the towing vehicle. - Are also required to hold a valid ITV in order to be road legal. - Are not required to hold their own insurance. - Are required to have the manufacturer’s plate affixed close to the Tow hitch. *This applies to trailers for personal use only and not commercial use, which will be treated as below, regardless of weight. Trailers Over 750kg (Loaded) - All trailers in Spain in this category are required to be registered independently of the Towing Vehicle, showing red coloured plates. - Are required to hold a valid ITV. - Are required to clearly display the registration plates of the towing vehicle. - Are required to have Insurance separate to the towing vehicle. - Are subject to payment of road tax. - Are required to have the manufacturer’s plate affixed close to the Tow hitch. *Cars towing a trailer of any size are limited

WD40

plated vehicle can take a Spanish ITV (Inspección Técnica de Vehículos ) test and even pass it and receive the ITV sticker, depending on which part of Spain you live in and which ITV centre you take it to.

tered vehicle in Spain. Without a valid MOT or equivalent Spanish ITV (subject to your personal situation)your car insurance will be invalid. An insurance company may be willing to sell you an insurance policy for a UK plated car with Spanish ITV,

Before you read to the end, do you know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is? Don’t lie and don’t cheat. WD-40: Who knew? I had a neighbour who bought a new car. I got up very early one Sunday morn ing and saw that someone had spray painted red all aroun d the sides of his car (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do.... proba bly nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open . Another neighbour came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job on the car. I’m impr essed! WD-40 who knew? ‘Water Displ acement #40’. The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts . WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a ‘water displacem ent’ compound. They were successful with the fortieth form ulation, thus WD-40. The Convair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts. Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you... When you read the ‘shower door’ part, try it. It’s the first thing that has ever cleaned that spott y shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It’s a miracle! Then try it on your stove top ... Viola ! It’s now shinier than it’s ever been. You’ll be amazed. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL!!

but what will happen when it comes to making a claim? Do you want to take the risk? Whether you will get caught and fined, or even have your vehicle impounded, or receive a pay out from your insurance company is simply a matter of chance. So, basically, if you are a resident in Spain and you own a UK plated vehicle, either contact us or get in touch with CCB Spain and find out the best way to legalise your vehicle. Don´t wait until it is too late …. It can be a very costly mistake! A big thanks to the guys at www.familylifeinspain.com for the info.

ALTOMAR FINE FINISHING

PROPERTY MAINTENANCE & IMPROVEMENTS SPECIALISTS IN WALK-IN SHOWERS PAINTING & DECORATING - GENERAL BUILDING TILING - BALLUSTRADES - SCREEN BLOCKS ELECTRICAL - PLUMBING - DRAINPIPES -GUTTERING LOCKS CHANGED - SHUTTER REPAIRS BOILERS - WATER FILTERS - KITCHEN WORKTOPS GALVANISED GRILLS & GATES

local stuff...w INTERNATIONAL RUGBY

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TEL: 963 144 049 - MOBILE: 648 786 708

7’S IN ELCHE

On Tuesday 1 November 2011, a Spanish bank holiday, at the Martinez Valero football stadium in Elche, is taking place the 7’s European warm up tournament ready for the IRB 7’s world circuit. The men’s teams taking part will be Spain, England, Wales, Scotland, France and Portugal. The women’s teams are Spain, Portugal, France and Holland. It will be from 10.30 to 19.00 and the entrance fee will be 5€ for a ticket or 10€ for a ticket and commemorative t-shirt. Get your tickets and t-shirt from Garry, (Dutch) by calling me on 692 767 242.

WHY PAY MORE for ADVERTISING?

what’s on...where...when... The Fiesta Time Countdown is On!

It is officially countdown time to this year’s International Lifestyle and ExpoFiesta exhibitions; four exhibitions, over three days, all under one roof, the Lifestyle, ExpoFiesta, Tourism and Culture exhibitions promise to be an event not to be missed. This show stopping event will take place at the IFA Centre

There will also be manicures and pedicures as well as fan-

will also be lots

near Alicante Airport (AP7 – Recinto Ferial) on November

tastic garden and conservatory furniture, plus telephone

4th, 5th and 6th from 10.30am until 9pm and with over

and internet solutions, travel opportunities and currency

giveaways

120 stands packed with Lifestyle Products and Services

exchange. Bag yourself a bargain or find out how to eco-

competitions

there will be something there for everyone. But this is no

nomically heat your home; the wide variety of companies

galore and you could even walk away with a Mediter-

ordinary exhibition. For the first time the Expat Lifestyle

at the exhibition will be at your disposal to get more help

ranean cruise, courtesy of Playa Flamenca Viajes, which

exhibition and the Spanish Culture show will come to-

and information in order to provide you with everything

includes stops in Monaco, Rome, Florence, Naples and Tu-

gether and as a result it is guaranteed to provide a unique

needed for a successful life here in the sun. And if you get

nisia; all you have to do is guess the number of balloons

and superb day out for all the family.

hungry or thirsty, our three International bars will be on

in the car! And the best bit of all…? It is FREE ENTRY FOR

hand to serve you their finest wines, beers and snacks.

EVERYONE TO ALL FOUR EXHIBITIONS!

provide an eclectic mix of businesses showing off their

But this exhibition is not just any old exhibition, this is the

SOL Productions, the IFA, our sponsors White Knight

products and services. From boats and beautiful ‘bling’

Lifestyle Expo Fiesta which means that there is even more

Glass Curtains and Playa Flamenca Viajes as well as our

jewellery to the Moroccan Experience complete with a

to see and do. Because we have joined forces with the Ex-

collaborating media companies look forward to welcoming

marquee, belly dancers and traditional Moroccan food,

poFiesta, which highlights Spain’s traditional fiestas, the

you to this new style exhibition, which we hope will take

you will be transported straight to North Africa without

Moors and Christians from Alcoy will be at the event

the Costa Blanca to new heights.

free

draws, and

The 120 stands in the Lifestyle Expo section alone will

having to even leave the exhibition hall!

and there will be performances of traditional Spanish dance as well as the Tourism

This is just a brief outline of some of the exhibitors taking

and Cultural Expo, which is designed to provide you with

part at the Lifestyle Expo Fiesta 2011. You can log on to

as much information about places to visit in Spain and

www.solproductions.tv for the full list of exhibitors who

what to see and do.

have booked to date or visit www.lifestyle-expo.com or

Come and join us as we bring you FOUR exhibitions under

our Facebook site Fiesta Time.

one roof and really find out what Spain has to offer! There

EVERY SUNDAY Paellla only 3€ English - Spanish BREAKFASTS Meals 31st october Tapas HALLOWEEN Menu Del Dia 8€ €4.50 PARTY Menu Del Noche 10€ reservations only disco with

Every Wednesday evening PASTA + DRINK

LAS KALENDAS - FORTUNA tel. 666 413 912

Open: 12pm- late (Closed Sun Eve & All Day Tuesdays)

BAR - RESTAURANTE

RAIS O A P L ’’ ‘ ‘E

BOB’S BAR BANOS DE FORTUNA

dj geff

Tel. 681 317 447 Open Every day 12.30-late

Fridays: QUIZ & BINGO from about 9.30pm Sundays: 7.30pm QUIZ NIGHT max 6 per team - ROLLOVER JACKPOT!

Commisssion-free AUCTION

1st Tuesday every month

(Lots in 12.30pm - Auction starts 2pm)

MENU del DIA

NOCHE

12€

SUNDAY LUNCH & Private party Function Room

Modern European Cuisine, Snacks & Tapas

FORTNIGHTLY FRIDAY AUCTION FROM SEPT 30TH

Ctra. Pinoso BANOS de FORTUNA - Tel 693 525 867

Premiership & International football on

HUGE PROJECTOR SCREEN Soak up the atmosphere Sky Sports / ESPN

the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408

SATURDAY 15th october Karoke With Geordie Phil & SATURDAY 29th October

HALLOWEAN PARTY 41

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‘aving a laugh...?! Lesson 1: ent Course naagem e Ma nut lift. 5 Mi d a Nun t offere A pries

forcing her gown to reveal a leg. She got in and crossed her legs, ent. accid an had y The priest nearl slid his hand up her leg... After controlling the car, he stealthily 129?’ Psalm mber reme er, ‘Fath The nun said, changing gears, he let his hand The priest removed his hand. But, once again said, ‘Father, rememslide up her leg again. The nun ber Psalm 129?’ r but the flesh is weak.’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry siste d heavily and went on her sighe nun the Arriving at the convent, way. t rushed to look up Psalm On his arrival at the church, the pries further up, you will find glory.’ 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, : Moral of the story job, you might miss a great If you are not well informed in your opportunity.

Dear Sir, On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ - I thought, ‘What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?’ Mike.

5 Minute Manag ement Course Lesson 2:

A sales rep, an adminis tration clerk, and the ma nager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Gen ie comes out. The Gen ie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’ ‘Me first! Me first!’ say s the admin clerk... ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a spe edboat, without a care in the world.’ Poof! She’s gone. ‘Me next! Me next!’ say s the sales rep. ‘I wan t to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masse use, an endless supply of Pina Colada s, and the love of my life. ’ Poof! He’s gone. ‘OK, you’re up,’ the Gen ie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’ Moral of the story: Always let your boss hav e the first say.

Some sod’s just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.

‘please send clothes for all those poor ladies on... granddad's computer. Amen!’

Breaking News: The UN has said that if they capture Gaddafi they will put him where he can do no harm to anyone - up front for Sheffield United The priest in a small Irish village had a rooster and ten hens... ...which he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up... "No, no" he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up. "No, no" he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up. "No, no" he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?" ' Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up. The priest fainted.

Amen..

LIFE S SHORIT BREAK, T E RULH ES... THE AUSTRALIAN APPROACH

A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?' The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.' The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, 'OK, so how many sales did you make today?' The Aussie said 'One!' The manager groaned and continued, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?' '£124,237.64p.' The manager choked and exclaimed £124,237.64!! What the hell did you sell him?' 'Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and then I sold him a new fishing rod.' 'Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat.' 'Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 The manager, incredulous, said, 'You mean to tell me...a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4 x 4?' 'No, no, no... He came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said... ' Well, since your weekend's buggered, you might as well go fishing.'

THE CHEAPEST ADVERTISING ON THE COSTA !!- TEL 606 540 408

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We are currently looking for new fosterers in the Pinoso, Fortuna, La Romana area. Do you think you can help? We provide all the necessary beds, bowls, food etc. and we pay all vets bills. Please help if you can so we can continue to help abandoned dogs and puppies. We also need fund raisers and people willing to help with the general administration. Please call now on 659274573 At this time our dogs can be viewed on: www.petsinspain.info

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PERFORMANCE & DIESEL CENTRE EN! Motor Engineers of Santa Pola

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PERFORMANCE & DIESEL CENTRE Motor Engineers of Guardamar

JAGUAR All makes, petrol and diesel, Serviced and Repaired The Diesel Centre specialises in mechanical and engine repairs from routine servicing to repairing manual gear boxes, alternators, starter motors, Re-building complete engines, also up to date diagnostic fault finding, Head gaskets, timing belts, clutches, brakes, welding and air con. We also carry out pre-ITV inspections and take cars for the actual ITV tests. Mark, the owner, has more than 20 years experience as a mechanic, and colleague Steve, is a Ford trained Master Technician (which is the highest standard awarded to any technician in Europe), so you can be assured you are being served by the best. The Centreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reputation is built on expertise and quality of service, and many of its customers are referred by word of mouth recommendations.

The centre opens weekdays from 9am to 6pm (no Siesta) Saturday mornings 9am to 1pm.

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RENOVATIONS

PARQUET FLOORING AND SYNTHETIC FLOORING

KITCHEN AND BATHROOM EQUIPMENT PAINTING AND DECORATING PLUMBING

ELECTRICAL WORK HEATING DOORS

WINDOWS

SEALED UNITS

PLASTERING

IRON WORK

AIR CONDITIONING

Avda Escandinavia 72 Altomar, 669 Gran Alacant

96 541 4040 Mobile:

660 417 845

Email: REFORNOVA1@ALOCOM.NET

STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

MAYOBUILD Dean Martin Mayo

GENERAL BUILDERS PLUMBING UNDERBUILDS ELECTRICAL and much more ESTABLISHED 7 YEARS in GRAN ALACANT design and build - portfolio of work -

Tel. 665 063 228 email:

mayobuild@hotmail.com Hablamos Espanol

LA MARINA

FURNITURE

Second Hand Furniture BEST PRICES PAID

Suzie

s c r e w s FERRETERIA FOR ALL YOUR DIY NEEDS Small tool hire Key holding Bicycle rental Mobility scooter rental

Part exchange avaliable

GOLD

& Costume Jewellry Bought & Sold

Treasure Chest We sell all your unwanted items including, Furniture, Clothing, white goods and more... all sold on a commision basis from our store.

BOOK EXCHANGE NOW AVALIBLE! INSTORE Call now on:

WE COLLECT

Call: 96 644 3370 - 625 985 491 La Marina Village

966 183 002

suziescrews@hotmail.co.uk or ask for more details instore.

GRAN ALACANT, OPPâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; DOCTORS SURGERY