26 FEATURE
18 NOVEMBER 2021
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From the front line… Remember, when leaving the train, to take your baby with you. BY JACQUELINE CURZON Activists at Cop26 in Glasgow were directing their annoyance at owners of SUVs by deflating their tyres, adding a little note to the windscreen which said, ‘Tyred of SUVs!’ Putting aside the fact that tampering with a vehicle is probably a form of criminal damage, I’m sure the 60 drivers affected by this interference were equally vocal in their protestations, more than likely adding, ‘I’m tired of the SNP - you’ve lost my vote!’ Some drivers were then late for work, not a minor inconvenience for any, but especially those who were health workers, pharmacists and dealing with sick patients. Ms Sturgeon stated to the press that she ‘doesn't pose with anyone,’ but just one day before was snapped holding a can of Irn Bru, posing with the US Democrat congresswoman Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez. Perhaps she had run out of energy to squeeze in a snappy argument. Police have been urged to investigate publisher Sandstone Press, after they were handed £295,000 of public funds. Run by an SNP supporter, they have also been awarded more than £400,000 in grants from Creative Scotland, the SNP government arts quango, over the past 15 years. Keith Charters, MD of Strident Publishing, accused Sandstone Press of falsifying statements relating to the number of staff it employed and the location of its business, in order to maximise public funding. Sandstone released a collection of Sturgeon speeches merely days after the Holyrood election, hailing the FM as a ‘significant world leader.’ Well, of course they would say that. The SNP government have also been busy, deleting offensive language such as ‘mother’ from maternity leave policies and providing sanitary bins and products in gents lavatories to accommodate persons of transgender persuasion. In another development, staff will now be entitled to use the title Mx in staff directories, rather than the conventional Mr, Ms, Miss or Mrs. In other somewhat connected news, Lord Winston, the biologist and scientist jointly involved in the development of IVF technology, has come to the political rescue of Professor Kathleen Stock, telling Fiona Bruce on Question Time, that people 'cannot change their sex.' He said [one has] a chromosomal, a genetic, a hormonal and a (psychological) brain sex, and they are all different. Thank you, Professor Winston, for that much needed clarification. So, you can be a biological woman, but feel hormonally or psychologically like a man, or vice versa. But despite any physical tinkering, you will simply be a modification of how you were born. Closer to home, Harrow school has enlisted ‘menopause influencers’ to teach sixth-form pupils to be compassionate partners. Given the average age of these
Jacqueline Curzon PHOTO: LARA MINSKY PHOTOGRAPHY
students is 16 and those entering menopause are around 52, they’ll have plenty of time to catch up on women’s wonky hormones. A sad piece of news tells of a former lady High Sheriff who drowned after driving her car into flood water on a dark country lane which police had failed to cordon off. Annie Hall (69) was driving her husband home to Ashford-in-the-Water in November 2019, but the River Derwent had burst its banks and they found themselves in deep water. Peter Nieto, the Derbyshire Area Coroner, said there was nothing in the police log to show a road closed sign. Now moving swiftly onto medically related matters. NHS baby checks are still being carried out on Zoom, with new mothers saying they are still being denied basic care. A report by Home-Start Best Beginnings indicates that Covid restrictions are still having a significant impact on babies, their families and the services which support them. The report entitled Nobody Wants to See My Baby, suggests that families are struggling to access care from GPs and health visitors, with appointments being offered online or by phone call. My young friend who had her baby at pesach, has had a diabolical experience in this regard. We all know weight gain during pregnancy is notoriously hard to shift, and for veterans such as myself, we often end up with a veritable Aladdins Cave of clothes sizes to peruse, as the inches creep up or down. I can categorise my clothes according to which generation of child I was tending. It was therefore quite fascinating to read - according to a recent leading diabetic report - about people’s expanding waistlines. The average waistline for men has risen from 36 inches in 1993 to nearly 40 inches today. Although this was a very small study, 60% of the participants managed to get themselves into diabetic 'remission' by following a liquid-only diet for two weeks, followed by four to six weeks of support to maintain their weight, thereby effecting a 10-15%
weight loss. They managed to reduce the levels of fat in the pancreas and liver, and the insulin-producing cells were deemed to be ‘restored’. After optimum weight loss was achieved, scans showed reduction in fatty liver, which meant patients no longer needed to be on diabetic meds. Professor Roy Taylor, who led the study, said although it was early days, the results seemed to demonstrate that diabetes is 'caused by being too heavy for your own body.' As a rule of thumb, your waist size should be the same now as when you were aged 21. For me this would be around 25 inches - ouch so I need to pay attention here. It is unusual to find stories of musical interest, but my eye was drawn to a news article about Stradivarius violins. The story quickly morphed from one of musical interest to human disaster. Bernard von Bredow (62), a famous Bavarian archaeologist and renowned expert on the Ice Age, moved to Paraguay five years ago with his daughter, where he spent his retirement, restoring valuable antique instruments. He was found covered in burns and bruises, which makes the case that he was tortured before being shot; his daughter Lydia (14) was also murdered. Three men, Volker Grannass (58), Stephen Jorg Messing Darchinger (51) and Yves Asriel Spartacus Steinmetz (60), all German expats and believed to have been his friends, are now being held in custody. When von Bredow made a trip back to Germany, he entrusted the Stradivarius collection to Steinmetz, but when von Bredow returned, Steinmetz claimed they had been destroyed in a fire. The four violins have subsequently been found in the home of Grannass, probably because the trio were unable to sell the violins without the certificates proving their provenance and authenticity. With certification their value would have jumped to potentially £11 million each, so it is quite probable that they tortured him for the authentication documents. The most expensive Stradivarius instruments were made by Antonio Stradivari during his Golden Period {1700 -1725}, and they have regularly made headlines including the ‘Lady Blunt’ which sold for £11.8 million in 2011, whilst numerous others have been stolen and never recovered. But, it is not the sole preserve of violinists who can claim memory loss over their prized possessions. In mid-October, musician Stuart Russell boarded the Lewes to Brighton train, placing his custom made bassoon in the overhead rack. When he alighted the train and reached the concourse he immediately realised his mistake, but although he raced back to the platform, the train had begun its return journey. CCTV showed a passenger taking the bassoon, then boarding another train and alighting at Southwick station. Russell isn’t the first to leave his instrument on public transport. In 2008 Philippe Quint gave a thank-you
performance at Newark International Airport, after a cabdriver returned his $4 million violin. In 2016, professional violinist Jane Gordon (42) forgot to take her precious 300-year-old Maggini violin with her when she left a London station. It remained on the train for several hours before being removed by a passenger and was subsequently found dumped, by members of the public. In October 2019 Stephen Morris (51), a professional violinist with the RPO, alighted a train in southeast London and promptly forgot he had left his 310-year-old violin behind. Exhausted from a recording session it slipped his mind until the following morning, when he was devastated to have lost his £250,000, 1709 Tecchler instrument. He wrote to Southeastern Railway and appealed to the public through social media for its return. A CCTV image was released showing someone who may have taken it, and after an agonising few weeks his violin was returned by the person who had picked it up. He had evidently wanted to deliver it in person. I never quite understand someone forgetting an instrument, which in some cases is worth more than your car or your home. Put aside it being your livelihood. Remember back in 2013, former PM David Cameron left his ministerial red box in a train compartment, whilst nipping off to the buffet car, or in 2017 when Education Secretary Justine Greening left her red box outside her home as she popped inside to make a phone call? Instruments should be foremost in your mind, if necessary strapped in the seat next to you, and something you simply don’t take your eyes off. Like your child! Let’s hope Mr Russell and his bassoon are quickly reunited. And now, a little nugget of humour. A Royal Navy sailor who faked his GCSE certificates in order to secure a promotion, was caught out after making a huge mistake. Leading Seaman Ian O’Mahoney (33), Head of Catering on board HMS Brocklesby, applied to be promoted to Petty Officer, but needed to have scored a C or above in his English exams. He forged two AQA certificates, claiming he had received a B and C, but in reality he had scored two D grades. The fraud only came to light {ready for this?!} when he misspelt his name as O’Omhoney on both certificates. I’m not sure if it was more pathetic because a) he didn’t actually notice, or b) because it was over an English paper. At least he wasn’t applying to be a Pretty Officer. At Bulford Military Court he was handed 120 days of detention, suspended for 12 months. It clearly wasn’t a case of mi’steak’en identity, because someone still has to be there to make dinner, but I’m sure his catering colleagues will knock the stuffing out of him for some time. Love Jacqueline x
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