Trump judges JUMP, Rambam wins Page 3 HAFTR Shoah play remembers Irena Page 13 Bonus Hebrew column Page 15 What’s your connection to the Shoah? Page 7
VOL 10, NO 16 ■ APRIL 29, 2011 /25 NISAN, 5771
‘The Silent Sister’ of Anne Frank
Omer counting quick reference: Counting is said on the evening before the given dates.
Thursday ................ April 28 Friday ..................... April 29 Shabbat ................. April 30 Sunday ........................May 1 Monday ......................May 2 Tuesday ......................May 3 Wednesday ................May 4
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Mazal Alouf-Mizrahi gives voice to Margot By David F. Nesenoff
Over the Pesach holiday… news from Israel
David F. Nesenoff: Who is the silent sister? Mazal Alouf-Mizrahi: The silent sister is a name for Margot Frank, Anne Frank’s sister. Many individuals are aware that Anne Frank lived and passed away through her own diary “The Diary of Anne Frank.” Many are unfortunately unaware of her silent sister, her reticent sister. The title itself is another name for Margot herself.
By The Jewish Star staff
Worshipper shot at Joseph’s Tomb
DFN: Your book “The Silent Sister” is known as historical fiction. Is this a new genre when it comes to the Holocaust? MAM: I would say it is an extraordinarily experimental genre. It’s rather new; there are two ways to usually write about the Holocaust, either through fiction such as the popular book “Sarah’s Key” or as actual non-fiction through memoirs like Elie Wiesel’s books and many, many others.
Violence flared up around Joseph’s Tomb, the Palestinian-controlled Jewish holy site in Shechem when Palestinian police officers fired upon a group of Israeli worshippers. Ben-Yosef Livnat, 24, a resident of the nearby community of Elon Moreh died from the gunshots, and four other travelers suffered wounds. Following the shooting, Palestinian youths set fire to the holy site. A father of four, Livnat was the nephew of Sports and Culture Minister Limor Livnat, who spoke about Ben-Yosef’s namesake at his funeral in Jerusalem. “My nephew was named for Shlomo Ben-Joseph who sacrificed his soul for the land of Israel, and now my nephew has been murdered for the land of Israel,” Livnat said.
DFN: How do you write an historical fictional account when you’re presenting a topic of such magnitude such as dealing with the accuracy of the Holocaust? What goes into a book that has to contain such gravitas and some fictional imagination? MAM: A lot of research. You cannot write about any era without doing a great deal of research. When it comes to the Holocaust, research would have to take place from primary sources and secondary sources such as diaries, documentaries, and many other available sources. I have read about the Holocaust since I was twelve years old when I read “Hitler’s Willing Executioner.” When it came to learning about Margot Frank, I have to tell you, there was not that much information about her. Most of my material came Continued on page 3
Fogel killers arrested
Israeli authorities arrested two teenagers from the Palestinian village of Awarta for allegedly carrying out the massacre of the Fogel family in the nearby community of Itamar on March 11. Hakim Awad, 18; and Amjad Awad, 19, distant relatives, confessed to the murders and reenacted them for investigators, while denying any remorse for the act.
Israel honors two Hungarian rescuers
The Israeli Consulate in Manhattan honContinued on page 9
Photo courtesy of Mazal Alouf-Mizrahi
Author of The Silent Sister, Mazal Alouf-Mizrahi.
Shabbat Candlelighting: 7:31 p.m. Shabbat ends 8:35 p.m. 72 minute zman 9:01 p.m. Torah Reading Parshat Kedoshim Sunday May 1 is Yom HaShoah
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By Sergey Kadinsky What was sparked as a childhood dream has blazed into history as the Lakeview Fire Department welcomes its first Orthodox Jewish fire chief. “It was like the excitement of a child, every child wants to be a firefighter, so when we moved here I signed up to join,” said West Hempstead resident Michael Koppel. Raised on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, Koppel, 45, began his lifesaving volunteering work with the Astoria Volunteer Ambulance Corps and moved to MICHAEL KOPPEL West HempLakeview Fire Chief stead 18 years ago. “I rode the ambulances, so it was easy to go from one to the other.” The 56-member fire department takes 12 to 14 weeks of training at the fire Academy of Nassau County in Bethpage before officially donning the uniforms. “It’s where they do a live burn, you enter a real fire. They train you in the jaws of life, climbing, ropes, and handling propane tank leaks,” Koppel said. When he is not fighting fires, Koppel manages the ambulance fleet at the New York Presbyterian Hospital. In contrast to West Hempstead, Lakeview is largely African –American and has no sizable Jewish community, but both villages share the fire department, and it counts eight other Orthodox Jews among its members. “We are a single fire department, there are no separate companies in it, our 1.4 square miles includes West Hempstead,” Koppel said. On occasions, the Lakeview firefighters also battle blazes on the Southern State Parkway, and make “mutual aid” calls as far as the Pine Barrens of Suffolk county. They receive an average of 625 calls each year. While fires do not keep a schedule, Orthodox Jews have Shabbat and holidays, which pose a direct conflict with work. “When I spoke to my rabbi, he said it does not make a difference if a person is Jewish or not,” Koppel said. At the same time, he credited his Assistant Chief Heather Senti for handling most of the work on Saturdays. “I have a great assistant chief, but if the call came, I would go. To save a life is the most important thing.”
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Continued from page 1 either from Anne Frank’s diary, historical documentation about what happened in Holland during that time period, and some secondary sources from women who were able to tell about what Anne Frank went through. And as a writer whatever poetic license I incorporated. For instance Mordechai, a character in the book, there is no historical basis for. But I used him as a person that I truly felt had historical basis. He was a man who was interested in the Zionist movement, and there were such individuals who left Europe through clandestine means. Did she know a Mordechai? Probably not. Was there a person such as Mordechai? Most certainly. DFN: What does Margot bring to the table? Is there a part of the Margot story that will add to the Anne story? MAM: Yes. When we hear from Anne, it is pretty much one sided. It is her perception of her reality. And sometimes in order to fully understand that reality, we need to hear a sister voice. So what is interesting about this book is that we understand Anne more through Margot. Why does Anne seem to feel so energetic? What is she trying to achieve? What is going through Anne’s consciousness? Margot is trying to understand her sister. DFN: Margot was her older sister. MAM: Yes. Margot was the older sister, but in many ways Anne was more socially adept while Margot was more into herself. So the two sisters had very different types of realities. They had different lives. But to really understand Anne, we have to hear from the more observant type. Margot was very observant. DFN: Your book is written in the form of a diary as well. MAM: Yes. It is a similar format, but unlike Anne’s, it is not dated. And the reason why it is not dated is because Margot writes in her diary that she feels that time is an occurrence of movement and it’s on going. The past eliminates the present and the present cannot understand the future. But time is something she doesn’t feel is necessary to indicate in her diary. She also doesn’t hide the
identity of any of her compatriots such as the doctor, whereas Anne is more circumspect as to whether she should include their names. Margot feels if we’re going to get caught, we’re going to get caught together, so she doesn’t hide their names. DFN: What are the similarities and differences in the personalities of Margot and Anne as far as how they view their future? MAM: The main similarity is that they have a lot of fear. They have fear of the unknown, fear that they might get caught. There were a couple of instances where they had break-ins, before they were found out. And it really rattled them. They also both had confusion as to what’s going to happen to them both after the war. Is Margot going to become a mid-wife or will Anne become a journalist? Is there a real future for them? That they certainly shared. Anne was more of an individual who wanted to live the big life, whereas Margot was more interested in living internally through her own consciousness and her own world as well as sharing with others in a very intimate moment which is the moment of the delivery of a child. DFN: Why do you think the Diary of Anne Frank made such an impact? What was it that moved people? MAM: I think it was the transformation of Anne. When we first meet Anne in her diary she is a young girl who is very concerned with the mundane. This boy, does he like her, this girl, what’s going on in school… simple issues. And then because she is forced to grow beyond her years, her perception of life becomes so deep with such a tremendous understanding that she becomes an old soul so quickly. All of us throughout life go through a
process where we learn to understand. With Anne, it was so sad that her life was cut short and the tragedy of her passing is that she wanted to live a life of depth and meaning. DFN: Without spoiling any of the story in the book, does Margot go through any transformation? MAM: She does. What’s interesting about Margot is that her transformation occurs first on the intellectual level and then we see it more on the emotional level. Whereas Anne was always Wh very emotional. DFN: Tell me a little about you, Mazal Aloufabo Mizrahi, the author. Mi MAM: I am an individual, mother of three children, a am teacher, a hard worker, and tea I’ve always been fascinated I’v with literature and writing. wi have a BSA in writing and Ih a Masters in literature. I’ve lived in Brooklyn for most liv of my life. I was born in Jerusalem; my parents are Je Israeli. Is DFN: What makes you wake up one day and w come up with this concept, which is rather innovative, emotional and industrious to say, “Let me write about Margot Frank.” No one has thought of that. What makes you think of such a thing? MAM: We all go through our own emotional movements in life. Before I started writing about Margot Frank I was going through a different type of movement in my life. I just had a baby and I was questioning my career and want to go into midwifery and started to take courses at Brooklyn College. I studied chemistry, physiology and I was really very moved by the whole birth experience and I wanted to become a part of that sharing with others and become a part of that arrangement with G-d to bring new life into the world. Unfortunately with regard to my personal life, it wasn’t very practical financially. At the same time I started picking up
the Diary of Anne Frank, I constantly would reread her work because Anne Frank to me is an individual who enlightens and inspires. I liked rereading it to see what she is thinking and to find some type of message for myself. While I was reading, and I think it was really from Hashem, I started noticing that Margot is silent and absent from the diary and it started to bother me a little bit. I said, “I don’t understand, I know so much about Anne, but who is this Margot? Who is she? What is she?” And then I noticed that Anne said in one of her entries in 1942, early on, that “Margot and I, we share our diaries and we like to read to each other what we write.” I thought, “Wait, that’s while she was in hiding? Are you telling me that Margot also kept a diary?” And then one thing led to another and then I thought this is the book that I always wanted to write. I relate to Margot; she was a young woman; she was Jewish; she’s interested in midwifery; let me see where this takes me. DFN: What do you hope for from your readers? What transformation should happen to your reader? MAM: It’s a very good question. The number one thing I would want the reader to leave with is the sense of unfathomable loss because the silent sister represents the six million silent voices. Anne Frank is the voice we actually have. But what about all those voices we will never hear again? We have lost a community of voices… doctors, lawyers, beautiful people, children with so much potential… all destroyed. That would be on the deepest level. Another message would be is the sense that we all have dreams and it is our right to try to fulfill them. There is no one individual who should take that away from anyone. Whether it is an external force, unfortunately, such as the Holocaust or an internal force such as a person against himself, we all have the right to fulfill a dream. And Margot’s dream to live in Palestine, in Israel, to become a midwife, that’s all she wanted, such a small little piece of this world, and she died without being able to take a step forward and fulfill her dreams. “The Silent Sister” is available at amazon. com and barnesandnoble.com
A Trump judges JUMP, Rambam wins contest By Sergey Kadinsky The setting was a Manhattan law firm boardroom, everyone wore their best suits, and a Trump helped decide the outcome. But the six Rambam Mesivta students were not seeking to become apprentices, they were judged for their leadership. Now in its fifth year, JUMP- the Jewish Unity Mentoring Program, led by Rabbi Aryeh Lightstone, seeks to encourage students in Jewish high schools to cultivate their leadership skills through community building activities. Past examples include trips to hurricane-damaged New Orleans; and Berlin, Germany, where there is a growing but largely unaffiliated Jewish community. “NCSY is moving towards a stronger leadership model for day school teens and this program is the culmination of that effort,” NCSY International Director Rabbi Steven Burg said. This year, some 120 students from 10 schools participated, including HANC and Rambam. The Rambam team comprised of students Azariah Hacohen, Didi Levy, Evan Linder, Jared Ehrenreich, Moshe Fink, and
Dani Edelman. “This year, the Rambam students went above and beyond the call of duty to organize a chessed trip to Israel; create a learning program with OHEL participants; and fundraise for Israeli soldiers in need of winter gear and equipment,” OU Executive Director Rabbi Steven Weil said. “Short of making aliyah and serving in the IDF, there is not much more they could have done for Israel.” An example of pro-Israel advocacy was the HANC team’s web site, advocate4israel. org, which serves as a one-stop shop for supports of Israel. “Through this website future Israel advocates can learn about Israel, sign petitions in support of Israel, and send letters to their senators, in addition to many more ways to advocate for Israel,” said Max Kahn, a ninth grader who serves as the website’s director. This specific challenge brought my love for Israel to new levels. Even though Jump may be over, our website continues to live on.” The winners were given a tour of Rockefeller Center and a dinner hosted by philanthropist Philip Rosen, who judged the competition alongside Rabbi Weil and prominent
l-r Rabbi Aryeh Lighstone, Ivanka Trump, Philip Rosen and Rabbi Steven Weil. businesswoman Ivanka Trump. “With the ingenuity and creativity of these students, I have never been more confident in the future of American Jewry and its support of the State of Israel,” Rosen said. Last year Ivanka’s father Donald was the judge, honoring the SKA High School for Girls team for their project “Livelong: A Com-
munity Health Awareness Day.” Ivanka Trump expressed the emphasis on actions that defined the competition. “It’s important to remember that it was the good acts, leadership opportunities, and the skills built throughout the year, that will be the legacy of this year’s JUMP Challenge.”
THE JEWISH STAR April 29, 2011 • 25 Nisan, 5771
Anne Frank’s silent sister, historical fiction
April 29, 2011 • 25 Nisan, 5771 THE JEWISH STAR
Opinion Is it okay for a Jew to be politically conservative?
s one of the few Jews willing to admit to being politically conservative, I get asked the same question all the time, “How you can be both politically conserPOLITICO vative and a Jew?” Most TO GO of the questioners are either liberal Jews who consider me something of a heretic, or a fellow conservative surprised to see the rare Jew within their ranks. My response to the query is usually “How can a Jew not be politically conservative?” Conservative principals such as limited government and individual Jeff Dunetz responsibility are all deeply rooted in Jewish tradition. In B’reishit
we learn man is created in G-d’s image, teaching us that just as G-d acts as a free being, without prior restraint to do right and wrong, so does man. G-d does good deeds as a matter of his own free choice, and because we are created in his image so can man. Only through free choice can man truly be in the image of G-d. It is further understood that for man to have true free choice he must not only have inner free will, but an environment in which a choice between obedience and disobedience exists. G-d thus created the world such that both good and evil can operate freely. Free will is the divine version of the conservative principal of limited government. G-d provides the winning direction (Torah) but allows the individual to pick his own way. Because we all are created in G-d’s image, Jews believe that ”All men are created equal,” meaning that we all have the same opportunity to forge a relationship with G-d regardless of intellectual capability, social
background, physical strength, etc. It does not mean, as the liberals ascribe to, when it comes to talents, predilections, or natural abilities we are all equal. Nor does it mean we all should have the same big screen TV, wireless internet, or savings account balance. Jewish tradition takes a positive view of both the institution of ownership and the accumulation of wealth. It respects economic success, so long as it is obtained honestly, and proper respect is shown for the social responsibility that comes with it. That social responsibility is an individual duty and a job for the community led by its religious leaders, but not for the government. The book of Vayikra (25:23) says, “If your brother becomes impoverished and his means falter in your proximity, you shall strengthen him, proselyte or resident, so that he can live with you.” It says live with you, it does not say live in
Shoah after math
ix million Jews were killed in the Holocaust. 1.5 million were children. 4.5 million were adults. Each couple had at least five to ten children. Some had more. Some had many more. If the 4.5 million Jews constituted 2.25 million families and each family had five more children, that would equal 11.25 DAVID’S HARP million more children. Combine the 11.25 million with the existing 1.5 million children and that equals 12,750,000 children. If these children were allowed to grow up, then half of them, 6,375,000, would have married the other half. And if they had five children that would be 31,875,000. That’s just one generation later. Add three more generations of half those children marrying the other half while having five children… Let’s see half of David F. Nesenoff 31,875,000 is 15,937,500 multiply by five, for each child, and you get 79,687,500. Half of that times five gives us the second generation, which is 119,218,750. And then the third generation would be half of that num-
ber times five which is 498,046,875. Half a billion Jews are missing from this world. Well, maybe these numbers are not so accurate as some of those who perished were having ten to twenty children. And certainly if the world of Torah that had flourished throughout Eastern Europe was not destroyed, the birthrate would have been more than five children per family. Also, the half a billion number only represents how many Jews would be around today. It does not embody the tens of millions that never even existed in those generations in the above math, who never had a chance to be born and live. Six million is an insult to the numerical magnitude of the destruction of Jewish life that was diabolically maneuvered during the Holocaust. The half a billion calculation is the conservative number using a minimal of generations from the time of the Holocaust and only assuming a relatively minimal amount of off spring from the religious Eastern European communities that were destroyed. The number should have been in the billions. “I will bestow My blessing upon you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven and the sands on the seashore.” (Gen. 22:17) May the billions who were destroyed from this world be a blessing. Billions of blessings.
Independent and original reporting from the Orthodox communities of Long Island and New York City All opinions expressed are solely those of The Jewish Star’s editorial staff or contributing writers Publisher and Editor Assistant Editor Account Executives
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David F. Nesenoff Sergey Kadinsky Helene Parsons Zelig Krymko Hy Spitz Sandi Stanger Rabbi Avi Billet Jeff Dunetz Samuel Fisher Rabbi Noam Himelstein Alan Jay Gerber Zechariah Mehler Aviva Rizel Ariel Rosenbloom Alyson Goodman Christina Daly
2 Endo Boulevard, Garden City, NY 11530 Phone: 516-622-7461, Fax: 516-569-4942 E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org The Jewish Star is published weekly by The Jewish Star LLC, 2 Endo Boulevard, Garden City, NY 11530. Subscription rates: $9 per quarter on a credit card in Nassau and Far Rockaway, or $48 a year. Elsewhere in the US, $15 per quarter or $72 a year. Newsstand Price: $1. Copyright © 2011 The Jewish Star LLC. All rights reserved.
a government facility, because the obligation is on the individual. In rare times the community was called on to pick up the slack but it was never the community government, but it was the local rabbi who would lead the effort. The Hebrew word for charity, tzedaka, has in its root the word tzedek which means righteous, because we are taught that giving charity is one of the keys to righteousness. I once read that when the Lord created the world, sparks of his holiness were spread across the Earth. Every time a person makes the choice of performing a righteous act, one of those sparks is purified and sent back to heaven. Through that process we become closer to G-d. Liberal/Progressive government takes away that choice. It assumes that left to our own devices, we will do the wrong thing; therefore government takes over the role of G-d, and steps in to control our decisions. Continued on page 5
Yankie & Luzer Never again!
The Shabbat parent relationship Whenever I try to talk to younger children about G-d, I always use their parents as the example. there with a different action word. We are told in Shmot 20 to “Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy,” and to “Honor your parents.” In his book “Or HaDeah,” Hassidic Rabbi Uri Langer suggests that just as Shamor and Zachor were said in one saying with regard to the Sabbath (Rosh Hashana 27) Kavod and Yirah – Honoring and Revering were said in one saying. It is easy to honor one’s parents when they are gone – to say kaddish, to commemorate a yahrzeit, to say the kel malei rachamim, to speak of them in a respectful way. On equal footing is the obligation to revere them – to listen and to fulfill their will - when they are alive. One reveres one’s parents through following their ways. In the end, the responsibility is two-directional. The child has to follow the ways of the parent, but the parent must make the life choices and commitments to be admired by and be desirable to the child. It is no one else’s responsibility. Not the school, not the shul, not the rabbi, not one’s friend, not even one’s own parents (the children’s grandparents). It is my responsibility. It is your responsibility. The honor is earned through bringing the children into the world. We will all surely be honored once we’re gone. The observance of the Sabbath is a good first ingredient to achieving the reverence. But even the observance of the Sabbath requires a lot more than “not violating the law.” We must make Shabbos a day of holiness of beauty and the beginnings of a family bond that creates reverence of the holy day and reverence of G-d. Through this first ingredient, may those of us who are parents merit to enjoy the honor and reverence we receive as we model it for our children through our own honor and reverence for G-d.
Continued from page 4 Liberalism takes away our personal choice, gives it to the government, retarding our spiritual development and most importantly the opportunity to get closer to our Maker. Judaism also teaches us that we cannot rely on the “government” to bail us out all of the time, the responsibility to take action falls upon each and every one of us. The famous story of Moses splitting the Reed Sea teaches that lesson. As the Torah describes Moses sees the Pharaoh’s troops bearing down on the Israelite nation, who are trapped against the sea. Moses starts praying, but G-d says stop praying and do something! And the LORD said unto Moses: ‘Wherefore criest thou unto me? Speak unto the children of Israel that they go forward. There is a rabbinical story that when Moses lifted his staff the water did not part. The Egyptians were closing in, and the sea wasn’t moving. The Israelites stood on the banks of the sea, frozen in fear until Nachshon took the responsibility upon himself to act; Nachshon just walked into the water. He waded up to his ankles…his knees…his
waist… his shoulders, and just as the water was about to reach is nostrils the water parted. This story teaches us that it’s one thing to have faith and believe G-d will eventually help us, but we cannot get that help until we take personal responsibility and act on our own. On the other hand a Liberal/Progressive government teaches citizens that the government will always bear the responsibility of protecting you; there is no individual responsibility, just the collective bailout. Instead of each one of us assuming a personal responsibility and using our good deeds to gain closeness to G-d, the liberals are just waiting for the sea to part without stepping in the water. Jeff Dunetz is the Editor/Publisher of the political blog “The Lid” (www.jeffdunetz. com). Jeff contributes to some of the largest political sites on the internet including American Thinker, Big Government, Big Journalism, NewsReal and Pajama’s Media, and has been a guest on national radio shows including G. Gordon Liddy, Tammy Bruce and Glenn Beck. Jeff lives in Long Island.
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n the listing of ingredients for the proper pursuit of holiness, the Torah puts reverence of one’s parents and the observance of the Sabbath at the fore front, on just about an equal footing. Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch clarifies that the term used in the Torah “Imo v’aviv tira’u,” which is often translated as “fear your parents,”is better understood as an instruction to “be mindful of our parents and of Rabbi Avi Billet our obligation to fulfill their wishes.” More importantly, Hirsch says, it is not “the good that parents do for their children, but the mission given to the parents concerning their children that is the basis of the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents.” As to why observance of the Sabbath is attached so closely to the commandment to fulfill the wishes of the parents, Hirsch explains, “A child who sees his parents observing the Sabbath will learn from their example to place his world at G-d’s feet; obedience to parents leads to obedience to G-d.” In a larger sense, the mitzvah of reverence for the parents should be an easy one to fulfill. If I owe everything, life itself, to my parents, I should logically want to repay the kindness and fulfill their every wish. But Hirsch twists the idea on its head. It’s not just about the fact that parents bring children into the world. Their responsibilities to their children do not end there. It is they who are to mold and shape and guide their children so that their children will understand the role their parents play in raising them, not only as ethical human beings but as incredible Jews. This reverence of parents is merely a reflection of the reverence of G-d that the parents demonstrate and display to their children on a daily basis. Whenever I try to talk to younger children about G-d, I always use their parents as the example. “When you want something and you ask your parents for it, do they always give it to you? Or do they sometimes say ‘No?’” What’s fascinating is that the Sabbath and honoring one’s parents share similar billing in the Decalogue, and both appear
A politically conservative Jew?
THE JEWISH STAR April 29, 2011 • 25 Nisan, 5771
Hebrew only please! A Jewish newspaper should have a Hebrew column. So here it is. We will try to maintain a level of vocabulary so that it will be easy enough for students to read and interesting enough for those more fluent to enjoy.
True strength and heroism of the Holocaust By Rabbi Noam Himelstein
Rabbi Noam Himelstein studied in Yeshivat Har Etzion and served in the Tanks Corps of the IDF. He has taught in yeshiva high schools, post-high school women’s seminaries, and headed the Torah MiTzion Kollel in Melbourne, Australia. He currently teaches at Yeshivat Orayta in Jerusalem, and lives with his wife and six children in Neve Daniel, Gush Etzion.
RIVERSIDENassau North Chapels
For Generations A Symbol Of Jewish Tradition.
When the markets turn as volatile and confusing as they have from time to time, even the most patient investors may come to question the wisdom of the investment plan that they’ve been following. At Strickoff Financial Services, LLC, we’ve seen a lot of difficult markets come and go. And we can certainly empathize with people who find the recent years’ environment challenging. We’d like to help, if we can, and to that end, here’s what we offer: A cup of coffee, and a second opinion. By appointment, you’re welcome to come in and sit with us for a while. We’ll ask you to outline your financial goals – what your investment portfolio is intended to do for you. Then we’ll review the portfolio for and with you. If we think your investments continue to be well-suited to your longterm goals, we’ll gladly tell you so, and send you on your way. If, on the other hand, we think some of your investments no longer fit with your goals, we’ll explain why, in plain English. And, if you like, we’ll recommend some alternatives. Either way, the coffee is on us.
DAVID M. RUBIN
To set up a free initial meeting, with no obligation, call Mr. Strickoff directly for an appointment, at 516-623-1800 or 212-521-4100.
55 North Station Plaza Great Neck, New York 11021 (516) 487-9600
STRICKOFF FINANCIAL SERVICES, LLC
Riverside Memorial Chapel is a participating member of The PRE Plan, TM an FDIC insured fund for pre-paid funeral arrangements.
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Continuing to maintain the high service standards of the Rosenthal, Grossberg and Alpert families.
Registered Investment Adviser
April 29, 2011 • 25 Nisan, 5771 THE JEWISH STAR
THE JEWISH STAR April 29, 2011 â€˘ 25 Nisan, 5771
Mensch on the street
By Ariel Rosenbloom
What is your personal connection to the Shoah? â€œMy mother was in Auschwitz and Birkenau. She passed away before Passover last year. Her name was Ruchie bat Menachem Mendel and her number was A-6628.â€?
â€œMy parents were survivors. I was born in Romania and then I came to America in the 1960â€™s.â€?
â€œI went through the holocaust. Iâ€™m from Budapest.â€?
LILLY SAMUEL dental consultant, Lawrence
LEA FRIEDMAN accountant, Brooklyn
MARTHA FRUCHTER grandma, Brooklyn
â€œMy grandmother was a holocaust survivor. Her husband was in the American army and fought in World War II in Germany.â€?
â€œMy grandfather had to stay in Siberia for two years. He split up with his family. Only him, his two brothers, parents and a cousin survived. The rest of the family was sent to Siberia and got killed.â€?
â€œMy zaidy was in the holocaust. His family died there. He was from Poland.â€?
JOSH JASPAN 10th grade student at Ramaz, Manhattan
JAKE ORBACH Student at NSHA
MARIAH LANGWEIL student at Binghamton University, Woodmere
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Finding the comfort zone
I look around and realize RU
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not so bad. In fact, life here seems very good. As I look back at this journal entry, I can see why I reacted that way. So far my life had been two totally separate compartments. One had been the life of reluctant religiosity dampened by questions I was unprepared to face. Then came the other life, my year in the Old City of Jerusalem where I hardly encountered secular company at all. In this setting, I could come close to maintaining a constant halachic and Jewish consciousness. When I returned home, I saw around me all the symbols of my former life and felt their unique comforts. I concluded that to partake of these relics of my former life meant to lapse into that life altogether and abandon all I had gained in Israel. And thatâ€™s where I was so terribly wrong. I had thought that the goal of the Yeshiva year is to eventually go home but keep living â€œin Yeshiva.â€? Thatâ€™s not the goal at all. The goal is to go home and integrate the lens of Jewish wisdom into everyday secular activities. I am supposed to mix the religious and secular components of my life without negating either. The meaningful secular life doesnâ€™t have to compromise the meaningful Jewish life or vice versa. Itâ€™s just a matter of integrating and harmonizing the two. And although this is not a simple task, this is the life-challenge of the modern observant Jew. Samuel Fisher grew up in Newton, Massachusetts and graduated from Maimonides School in 2010. He is spending the year studying in Yeshivat Orayta in the Old City of Jerusalem after which he will attend Harvard College.
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â€™m writing this article sitting in my lovely leather desk chair, sipping and savoring my home-brewed latte in a ceramic mug topped with whipped cream. This morning I went for a light jog on the treadmill while watching a movie, took a steamy shower, and then made myself a large omelet with sautĂŠed vegetables with a side of whole-wheat toast and FROM THE HEART butter. Itâ€™s good to be OF JERUSALEM back home. After half a year in Yeshiva in Jerusalem, these home luxuries were at the very top of my wish list, so my heart raced with excitement as I stepped off the plane to spend Pesach break back home. While being home is a lot of fun, sitting in one place and workSamuel Fisher ing on an article is even more difficult when youâ€™re surrounded by videogames, more movies than you can count, a refrigerator full of delicious food, and a car that can take you anywhere. But returning home represents an even greater challenge. All of the time in Israel learning and growing leads up to the first moment you step off the plane in America. Will you be wearing a kippah? Will you pick up a non-kosher donut for a snack on your way through the terminal? A lot of questions fall on you at once. Itâ€™s overwhelming. Hereâ€™s what I wrote in my journal the second day back home: You know what my problem with visiting America is? I spent this whole year living in a world of Torah. A life of Torah clearly becomes beautiful and meaningful. It therefore followed in my mind that the non-religious life is hollow and lacking. But the problem is, upon returning home, I look around and realize that secular life really is not so bad. In fact, life here seems very good. So Judaism is wonderful but is it really worth it when a secular alternative is wonderful too?
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April 29, 2011 â€˘ 25 Nisan, 5771 THE JEWISH STAR
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9 THE JEWISH STAR April 29, 2011 • 25 Nisan, 5771
Photo of the Week
Photo courtesy of St. John’s Presbyterian Hospital
The ribbon is cut by Rabbi Elozer Kanner; hospital CEO Nelson Toebbe, Rt. Rev. Lawrence C. Provenzano of Episcopal Health System; and Rabbi Tzvi Flaum
Far Rockaway hospital opens bikur cholim room By Sergey Kadinsky Family members of Orthodox patients at St. John’s Episcopal Hospital in Far Rockaway can now spend Shabbat in comfort with kosher meals, Jewish books, and plush furniture. On April 13, hospital officials and local rabbis dedicated the bikur cholim room at the century-old hospital, recognizing the growing Orthodox community in the surrounding neighborhood. “The suite will be available and complement additional services such as Sabbath elevators, the Jewish chapel and kosher meals,” said hospital chief executive Nelson Taubbe. The suite features sweeping views of the ocean, Jewish-themed artwork on the walls, and separate microwaves for meat and dairy products. Rabbi Tzvi Flaum, chief of the Vaad Harabanim of Far Rockaway and Lawrence and member of the hospital’s govern-
ing board, took note of its progress. “The hospital is upgrading, enlarging, and recruiting new doctors. It has made major strides and is now running in the black,” Rabbi Flaum said. Rabbi Elozer Kanner of the Hatzalah of the Rockaways and Nassau County, also attended the opening, praising the hospital’s efforts in addressing Jewish concerns. “If people cannot leave the hospital because of a serious condition, there is now a room where they can hang their jackets with all the comforts of home,” Rabbi Kanner said. “It’s a marked sensitivity of a hospital that is not Jewish, but understands our community.” The improvements at St. John’s Episcopal Hospital express confidence in a borough that lost three hospitals over the past three years. “It’s a desire to become a better hospital with the latest updated equipment,” Rabbi Flaum said. “The hospital is bringing itself back to excellence.”
Photo courtesy the White House
Passover Seder? President Obama on Chol HaMoed in Woodside, California at the home of venture capitalist John Doerr with IT CEOs including notably Apple’s Steve Jobs, Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg, Oracle’s Larry Ellison, Google’ Eric Schmidt, Yahoo’s Carol Bartz, Cisco Systems’ John Chambers, Twitter’s Dick Costolo, and NetFlix’s Reed Hastings. If you have a photograph with a description, from local or afar, please submit to: email@example.com
E-mail letters to firstname.lastname@example.org or fax to (516) 569-4942.
Israel in brief
Egypt-Israel oil pipeline bombed
Unidentified saboteurs blew up the Egyptian pipeline that supplies oil to Israel, cutting off a major portion of the Israeli oil supply. The blast occurred on April 27 in the El Arish area of the Sinai. Israel receives 40 percent of its natural gas from Egypt, under the peace accord between the two countries. Following the overthrow of president Hosni Mubarak, there have been growing calls in Egypt to suspend the trade deal and the explosion was the second since the uprising erupted in early February.
&DPS&KHPLVWU\ Ǥ ǡ ǲ ǳ Ǥ ǡ ǡǤ
Continued from page 1 ored two Hungarians as the latest Righteous Among the Nations, for rescuing a Jewish family during the Holocaust. Ilona Lukacsi Jozsefne and Jolan Lukacsi Laszlone lived in the Budapest suburb of Rakoscsaba, where they hid the family of Ede Hajos, a worker in the factory of Ilana’s husband Joszef. Though Ede was captured and later died at BergenBelsen, his wife Edene, daughters Eva and Erika, and sitser-in-laws Klara and Erzsebet Grunwald survived the war. The honor is posthumous. Ilona passed away in 1976 and Jolan in 1995. To date, more than 22,000 people have been honored for risking their lives to save Jews during the war.
The $100 hamburger There is a short list of things that I refuse to do. But on that list are some items like never shopping on Black Friday or never going to see a blockbuster movie in it’s opening weekend. Prominent on my ”not to do” list is going out to restaurants on Erev Pesach. This THE KOSHER last Erev Pesach, howCRITIC ever, I was presented with the opportunity to go to a kosher eatery in Chicago called Ken’s Diner and regardless of the pre Passover mob I eagerly went. Ken’s Diner is a staple of kosher Chicago and has been serving reasonably priced diner style food for the past 20 years. Modeled after Big Boys Zechariah Mehler that was popular in the 50’s in Ken’s hometown of Milwaukee WI, Ken’s Diner is famous for its Burger Buddy, a half pound patty with lettuce, tomato, grilled onion, pickles and special sauce. When I was in Yeshiva in Israel many students would refer to the Burger Buddy as “the hundred dollar hamburger.” This was because many students who would have layovers in Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport would take a 45 dollar cab ride to Ken’s, buy the 10 dollar burger and then take a 45 dollar cab ride back to the airport.
Crazy as this sounds I can honestly not blame anyone who made a pilgrimage to Ken’s because, simply put, Ken’s Diner makes the best hamburger I have ever eaten. Now I have eaten a lot of hamburgers in a lot of different places and when I finally sat down to figure it out I realized I had eaten hamburgers at kosher restaurants in 12 states, nine countries and on three continents. And despite how far I have traveled or where I go to get a burger, I still find that Ken’s has the best hamburger in the entire kosher world. The particular hamburger offered by Ken’s that I believe to be the greatest kosher hamburger is the Bay-Ken Burger. Half a pound patty, the Bay-Ken is served with sautéed mushrooms and onions, pickles, tomato, lettuce and, the pièce de résistance, crispy beef frye. This burger is always cooked to a perfect medium, leaning towards rare, and then smothered in Ken’s secret sauce. The finishing effect is a juicy delicious burger whose depth of flavor and texture make for a truly phenomenal sandwich. While I thought about the diversity of the burgers I have eaten and how they can be a menu item in a gourmet restaurant as they can be part of a backyard barbecue. How you can dress them up with portobello and foie gras or dress them down with potato chips or glazed donuts (Google the Luther Burger) and either way is delicious. I have decided that I am compiling a list of the best kosher hamburgers in the world and I need your help. I am looking for the opinions and ex-
A burger from Ken’s Diner, the popular kosher Chicago eatery. periences that you, my readers, have had. So please send me your thoughts, antidotes, reviews and even recipes to TheKosherCritic@ gmail.com and keep an eye on the column, as I will write about my findings in a few weeks when the weather improves and grilling season gets underway. Until then I can’t wait
to hear from you. Passover’s over, welcome burgers and buns. Zechariah Mehler is a widely published food writer and expert in social marketing. Follow him on Twitter @thekoshercritic
April 29, 2011 • 25 Nisan, 5771 THE JEWISH STAR
11 THE JEWISH STAR April 29, 2011 â€˘ 25 Nisan, 5771
The Kosher Bookworm
Stalinâ€™s Romeo Spy for May Day part of an intelligence network driven by idealists devoted to the cause of social justice for all. It was natural that, deprived of equal rights in Russian society, under czarism, many Jews took part in it. In fact, from the very moment of its organization the Soviet foreign intelligence service was headed by Jews, first Solomon Mogilevsky and then Meir Trilliserâ€Ś Bystrolyotov also worked shoulder to shoulder with many Jewish operatives among them Abram Slutsky, chief of the Foreign Service department.â€? While spying in the west he did his most effective super spy activities, as detailed in this book. This reflected his most productive espionage work on behalf of his communist masters. Nevertheless, these activities were not to save him from the fate of others who incurred the paranoid wrath of Stalin and his Marxist cohorts. It was during the infamous Stalin purges that Bystrolyotovâ€™s career came to an end. Draitser goes into to great detail concerning this era. â€œAfter he refused to cooperate with his jailers by self-incriminating himself, he was given an ultimatum. His choice was to write his testimony â€˜either in ink or his own bloodâ€™. Tormented as to what to do he polled many fellow inmates until he came across one, a middle-aged Jewish communist whose judgment, a strange mixture of religious and communist consciousness, he finally embraced. â€œThat Jewish prisoner told him in unequivocal terms that since spying abroad inevitably involved violation of the tenets of
morality, he should accept torture as part of his atonement for his wrongdoings even though he did it trying to promote the idea of happiness for all humanity.â€™ Ironically, it was that same prisoner who admitted to the evil that was at the base of communist ideology and the Soviet state. This fact was impressed upon Bystrolyotov and was a lesson he never forgot. Although he suffered most during his imprisonment, he was much more fortunate than some others. He survived the Gulag while Trilliser was to be executed and Slutsky was to be poisoned by lethal injection. Bystrolyotov wrote in his memoirs while still in the Gulag words that could bring him more trouble stating that anti-Semitic actions showed the whole world that communism and Nazism are all the same, that the Nazis and the communists recognized each other â€˜by smell.â€™ For too long many among in our community were blind to communist bigotry against our people and hostility toward our faith. A good reading of this book would go a long way toward correcting this misapprehension.
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(YHQW&R&KDLUV Lillian Borofsky Dena and Dr. Bernard Goldblatt Carol and Seymour Pinewski Dr. Michael Saperstein &RPPLWWHH Ronni and Dr. Kenny Berman Greg Borofsky Samuel Borofsky Bini and Adam Dachs Yvette Edinin Carol and John Harrison Susan and Michael Kerr Shoshana and Rabbi Simcha Lefkowitz Samara and Michael Papilsky Jane and Willy Senders Drs. Miriam Slomovitz and Stuart Schreiber Nicole Stein Danielle Wirtenberg Toby and Jerry Wolf
ollowing on the heels of Pesach, a holiday celebrating the cause of freedom, we have this weekend May Day, a holiday that celebrates the virtues of totalitarianism and murder. May Day, was originally symbolic of idealism. However, as with any social ideal that becomes the instrument of tyranny, it too morphs into a commemorative to tyrannyâ€™s cause. One personality who personified that ideal gone wrong was Soviet spy Dmitri Bystrolyotov who served in communismâ€™s cause and lived to be both persecuted by it, and eventually survived and avenged that persecution. In a riveting book, â€œStalinâ€™s Romeo Spy,â€? published by Northwestern University Press, Hunter College professor of Russian, Alan Jay Gerber Emil Draitser details the sordid and dramatic events of the escapades of Bystrolytovâ€™s life of spying, imprisonment and eventual spilling of the beans concerning communist duplicity. Not Jewish himself, Bystrolyotovâ€™s life dove tails with Jewish experiences and personalities thus making this book a worthwhile read for those who have interest in the causes of Soviet Jewry as well as general Jewish history. According to Draitser, â€œBystrolyotov was
Irenaâ€™s vow by HAFTR
HAFTR HIGH SCHOOL, located at 635 Central Avenue in Cedarhurst, is holding the play Irenaâ€™s Vow in commemoration of Holocaust Remembrance Day. The play is based on the true story of a Polish housekeeper who worked for a German officer while she secretly hid 12 Jewish refugees during the Second World War. The April 30 play begins at 9:30 p.m. and the May 1 play begins at 2 p.m. Tickets are $13 by reservation and $18 at the door. VIP tickets cost $25, with seats in the front rows. For reservations call 516-476-1212.
Calendar May 2
Cancer Support Group meeting
NORTH SHORE LIJ FRANKLIN HOSPITAL, located at 900 Franklin Avenue in Valley Stream, is holding its Cancer Support Group meeting at 2:30 p.m. in the hospitalâ€™s cafeteria. The group is open to cancer patients, survivors, and family members to dicuss new medicines, treatments, coping, and emotional support. The group meets every first Monday of the month. For more information, contact Anna Rossetti at 516-256-6025 or Meg Wehrum at 516-256-6478
Community-Wide Basketball Tournament
NATIONAL COUNCIL OF SYNAGOGUE YOUTH is holding its 5th annual tournament at Lawrence High School, located at 2 Reilly Road in Cedarhurst. The event features the top 16 teams from the New York Region of NCSY and will be followed by childrenâ€™s entertainment and a family barbecue. The event begins at 12 p.m. Tickets cost $20 and an be purchased at the door. For more information on the event, contact Carol Rhine at email@example.com.
YOUNG ISRAEL OF OCEANSIDE, located at 150 Waukena Avenue in Oceanside, will have Chaim Katz, a Hungarian-born child survivor of Bergen-Belsen recount his survival in Hungarian ghettoes and this Nazi death camp, as well as his personal reflections on the Holocaust. Local shoah survivors and their children will light candles as will present a program on Holocaust Remembrance Day, or Yom Hashoah, on Sunday, May 1 at 7:30 p.m. For more information, contact Miriam Baum Benkoe at 516-678-1585.
Sobibor uprising survivor speaks
JCC OF WEST HEMPSTEAD, located at 711 Dogwood Avenue in West Hempstead, will host Phillip Bialowitz, one of eight living survivors of the Sobibor death camp, and author of the memoir A Promise at Sobibor, will speak about his participation in the most successful death camp upris-
Cairo Geniza manuscripts presentation
Israeli multi-instrument sensation Amir Gwirtzman will perform at Pianos at 158 Ludlow Street in Manhattan on May 4 at 7 p.m. Gwirtmanâ€™s musical blend of jazz and world ethnic genres has been described as a â€œone-man big band.â€? ing, where approximately 200 inmates escaped, avoiding the fate of some 250,000 people who perished in this camp. The event begins at 7 p.m. For more information, call 516-481-7448.
YESHIVA DARCHAI TORAH, located at 257 Beach 17 Street in Far Rockaway, will celebrate the completion of its new building, with a Torah procession through the neighborhood from the old address at 1214 Heyson Road to its new building. The procession begins at 12:45 p.m. followed by a program featuring local rabbinic leaders with a buffet reception. For more information, contact Rabbi Zev Bald at 718-868-2300 x232 or Rabbi Baruch Rothman at 718-868-2300 x706.
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Scholar in residence at Oceanside
YOUNG ISRAEL OF OCEANSIDE, located at 50 Waukena Avenue in Oceanside, is hosting Rabbi Herschel Schachter as its scholar-in-residence. Rabbi Schachter will discuss innovations in Jewish practice, in relation to the role of women, forbidden foods, and other contemporary issues. Before minchah, the topic will be the religious view of the state of Israel, and for seudat shlishit,
Young Israel of Woodmere Dinner
YOUNG ISRAEL OF WOODMERE will be holding its 51st Annual Shul Dinner at The Sands, located at 1395 Beech Street in Atlantic Beach. The event will honor couples Rabbi Dr. Aaron & Margie Glatt, Alan & Gloria Stern, David & Aviva Weber, and Moishe & Erica Dachs. The dinner will introduce this yearâ€™s Shul Phone Book, a detailed guide to local businesses and Jewish organizations. For more information, visit www.yiwoodmere.org/ dinner/dinner.html
Shabbat: an oasis in time
CHABAD OF FIVE TOWNS, located at 74 Maple Avenue in Cedarhurst, is holding Oasis in Time: The Gift of Shabbat, a six-session class in partnership with the Jewish Learning Institute. The classes will explore the mystical, psychological, and cultural dimensions of Shabbat. Classes will run from 8:15 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. on Wednesdays from May 11 to June 22. To register, contact 516-2952478 or visit www.myJLI.com.
Hatzalah fundraiser barbecue
HATZALAH OFTHE ROCKAWAYS AND NASSAU COUNTY is holding its annual fundraiser barbecue at The Sands, located at 1395 Beech Street in Atlantic Beach. The event marks the 30th anniversary of the organization. The event begins at 6:30 p.m. For more information, call 516-398-8450
THE SUBURBAN PARK JEWISH CENTER, located at 400 Old Westbury in East Meadow, is conducting a membership drive. The Jewish Center membership includes free Hebrew School tuition and free High Holy Days tickets. There is no building fund and special discounts are offered to new members. For more information, call the synagogue at 516-796-8833.
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CENTRAL QUEENS YM-YWHA, located at 67-09 108 Street in Forest Hills, is hosting authors Adina Hoffman and Peter Cole, who wrote â€œSacred Trash: The lost and found world of the Cairo Geniza.â€? The authors will speak about the value of the thousand-year-old manuscripts, which were uncovered a century ago, and their impact on our understanding of Jewish history. The lecture begins at 1:30 p.m. There is a suggested donation of $6 for non-members. For more information, call Peggy Kurtz at 718-268-5011 x151
Yeshiva building dedication
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Bergen-Belsen survivor speaks
Rabbi Schachter will discuss the controversy in Israel regarding conversion for Russian olim. For more information, contact 516-764-1099
April 30 May 1
April 29, 2011 â€˘ 25 Nisan, 5771 THE JEWISH STAR
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horror.” Woodmere resident Robyn Steinerman, 17, portrays the title character role, and has a personal connection to the story. “It’s extremely meaningful because my grandmother survived under a false name. To play a righteous gentile I am appreciating her character,” Steinerman said. Steinerman’s grandmother Eva Greenstein Andrews escaped Nove Zamky in pro-Nazi Slovakia under false papers provided by a gentile, fleeing to Hungary and Yugoslavia. She died two months after Robyn was born, but her survival story resonates in her family. “This is how her grandmother survived and we are proud of her for portraying the role of a non-Jew who hid Jews during the war,” said Robyn’s mother Debora Steinerman. The play also stars Jacqui Geller, Josh Abramowitz, Alexander Mehl, Leor Bareli, Alexandra Lumerman, Rivi Wartenberg, Evan Margolis, Ethan Zanger, Nicollette Digmi, and Lizzy Plaut. Winkler’s production of the play was assisted by students Lauren Hoffman, Aliza Duftler and Zoey Glaubach. Freshmen Sean Bokor and Justin Winkler served as technical assistants. Taking the meaning of Opdyke’s story be-
By Sergey Kadinsky The commemoration of Yom Hashoah, the official day of remembrance of the holocaust is marked with numerous lectures and films. The HAFTR high school in Cedarhurst is marking the day with the production of Irena’s Vow, a play written by Dan Gordon on the real-life Irena Gut Opdyke, a Polish Catholic housekeeper who rescued 13 Jews during the Second World War. For their roles in the play, some of the seniors had the challenging role of Nazi officials who searched and murdered their Jewish victims. “I have to detach myself and put myself in the mindset of a cruel, evil person,” Samantha Lish said. She tackled the role by looking at it through the context of the time period and how that person would view things. Jennifer Winkler, director of the drama program at HAFTR, went online to search for Nazi costumes for the play, and stumbled upon sites professing admiration for the Nazis. “There are so many Nazi, skinhead and Holocaust denying websites. I was stunned,” Winkler said. I suppose I shouldn’t have been, but although viscerally I know that this evil still exists, the fact that it exists here, in my laptop, is a new level of
Photo courtesy of Peter Steinerman
Debora Steinerman and her daughter Robyn, during a 2008 visit to the Nove Zamky Synagogue in Slovakia, look at prewar class photo that includes her grandmother Eva Grunstein. yond the play, the students researched what happened to the rescuer and the 12 rescued Jews. They also read Opdyke’s memoir of the wartime years, “In My Hands: Memories of a Holocaust Rescuer,” which was published in 1999. Opdyke moved to the United States after the war and died in California in 2003, after receiving the Papal Blessing from Pope
John Paul II and the Israel Medal of Honor for her risking her life during the war. “They were able to embrace the material and stay faithful to the characters they were portraying,” said Winkler. “They read the books on the survivors. It was more than a play, it was all-encompassing.”
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THE JEWISH STAR April 29, 2011 • 25 Nisan, 5771
HAFTR makes Irena’s Vow for Yom Hashoah commemoration
April 29, 2011 • 25 Nisan, 5771 THE JEWISH STAR
The Jerusalem Post Crossword Puzzle
Wit’s end and perfect friend Dear Aviva,
I am a new mom. A friend of mine also recently gave birth 4 months after I did. While I have been grappling with mixed emotions, being in physical pain after giving birth, suffering from major sleep deprivation and just the general craziness of adjusting to motherhood, my “perfect” friend seems to have bounced back the minute she came home from the hospital. A few days after giving birth she strutted into my living room, wearing actual clothes (read: no sweats and oversized sweatshirt for her!) I asked her how she was doing, thinking, she can confide in me, I know how it is! But instead her reply was that everything was fine— she felt great, baby slept through the night, everything was picture perfect. She left while I was left feeling frazzled, confused, but mostly jealous. How is it that I feel so much at my wit’s end all of the time? I literally feel like my nerves are frayed from this new adjustment. -Frazzled Mom
Dear Frazzled Mom,
First of all, mazel tov!! And I mean that in the literal sense: Good Luck, honey! You’re gonna need it to take care of a little one while trying to take care of your postpartum self. Now take a deep breath because I want to talk to you about something. Obviously I can’t diagnose over the paper, but the way you’re describing your frayed nerves, I smell scents of post-partum depression. As my readers know, postpartum depression is very different than clinical depression. PPD actually looks more like anxiety than like sadness. I think it would be wise to get yourself assessed by a professional to see if you have it. If you do, it is so easily treatable (and some drugs are safe during nursing). Now regarding your friend, let’s turn her into a good influence. If you find yourself jealous and not up to par, work on telling yourself that every parent parents differently, and it’s perfectly ok for you to not get dressed if it’s hard for you
(but try not to go two consecutive days without getting dressed. That could make anyone depressed.) Right now the most important thing is that you are able to meet your basic needs and your baby’s basic needs. Your friend could be a good influence for you if you can get together with her outside of your home. Daylight is great for beating the blues, and studies have found that exposing a baby to daylight for even just 20 minutes during the day can improve his sleep at night (stay in the shade though because you don’t want to compromise ultraviolet rays for peaceful nights.) You can also learn a lot from your friend. Watch how she reads her baby’s sleep cues. See how she gets herself dressed as soon as she wakes up. I just learned something from a friend of mine just by hanging out with her: when you clear the table, bring the garbage can to the table instead of making a million trips to the garbage. Simplistic brilliance. Another friend always makes two dinners so that she’s never behind schedule. I don’t mean to push you to get on schedule and clean your house. I want you to take as long as you need to let it all hang out while you get used to things. I just want to make sure you don’t lose yourself while recovering because then it will be much harder to pick up the pieces. Start by picking out your clothes tonight... -Aviva Aviva Rizel is a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice who can be reached at AvivaRizel. MFT@gmail.com.
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1. French vintner and commentator 6. Setting for Arthur Miller’s “The Crucible” 11. Undergrad degrees 14. Continental divide? 15. Prayer with 19 blessings on weekdays 16. Pen filler 17. “She’s the Man” actress 19. ___ Ma’amin (“I believe”) 20. ___ Moykher Sforim (Yiddish writer) 21. Gives power to 23. Neighbor of Earth 25. ___ of Atonement 26. Jewish Agency chair and former refusenik 33. ___-Sang-Ruby Union Institute 34. Popular fruit drink 35. Cynthia Ozick’s “___ Pagan Rabbi” 36. Prominently 39. Uniform for Jonas Salk 42. ___keeper (frequent Russian Jewish occupation) 43. Suffix with auction 45. Rocker Recht 46. She played Joan of Arc on TV 51. “There was a man from the land of ___...” (Job 1:1) 52. “Cheers” actress Neuwirth 53. Former San Diego mayor Susan 57. Most ill 62. Gabor or Braun
63. She wrote “Yerushalayim Shel Zahav” 65. Animal house 66. Put in 67. “Fear of Flying” author Jong 68. Bernie Sanders’ pol. affiliation 69. Left Bank locale 70. Like muddy waters
1. Gad about 2. Zenith 3. Reggae star Paul 4. Meaning of the Hebrew letter “yod” 5. Popular 6. They have duel purposes 7. Hollywood exec. Pascal 8. “From a long ___ of rabbis” 9. First place? 10. Mountaintop fortress 11. Lead role in “The Producers” 12. Margot’s sister 13. Enjoys Mt. Hermon, perhaps 18. King of humor 22. Outlaw 24. “Zip it!” 26. Everybody’s opposite 27. Herzl work about a future Jewish home 28. 50-50, e.g. 29. Have the need for Bikur Cholim 30. Orthodox clergy org. 31. Uniform shade 32. At a future time 36. Bubkes 37. Marvel Comics’ Stan 38. Israeli cable company 40. Pants alternative
41. FSU 44. Be a gonif 47. Inc., abroad 48. Some ‘net publications 49. Not pertinent to 50. Nile wader 53. Ein ___ 54. What the brisket comes out
55. Cohen or Levi 56. Negev alternative 58. “Running Wilde” actress Russell 59. Theologian Fackenheim 60. Essenes, e.g. 61. Highchair feature 64. What boys become at their b’nai mitzvah Answers will appear next week
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To the Nazis, she was just a number. But we’re making sure she’s not just another statistic. There are more than 55,000 Holocaust survivors in New York, many of them poor and in failing health. That’s why UJA-Federation is helping to provide meals, home care, counseling, and financial assistance, and ensuring Holocaust survivors can live the remainder of their days with dignity. Because “never again” doesn’t just mean we’ll never forget the Holocaust. It also means never forgetting its victims. Caring for the vulnerable. Just one of the many services UJA-Federation makes possible to care for, connect, and inspire the Jewish community here in New York, in Israel, and around the world. To learn more and to make a difference, visit www.ujafedny.org.
Bringing Jewish values to life. www.ujafedny.org • 1-866-UJA-FED1 www.facebook.com/ujafedny Photo: Jonathan Levine
April 29, 2011 • 25 Nisan, 5771 THE JEWISH STAR
Published on Apr 27, 2011