RELATIONSHIPS
Advice Goddess BUY MEETS GIRL
My previous relationship was passionate but was with an emotionally abusive man. I’ve been dating a new man for five months. I wasn’t initially attracted to him, but he ended up sweeping me off my feet because he’s the most generous man I’ve ever met. He’s all about me. He goes out of his way to do so many nice things for me — even buying me things I can’t afford. We’ve had fun, but I’ve had doubts creeping in, like about how he’s still not my physical type. Also, I’m not sure we AMY ALKON share enough interests or, quite frankly, are on the same level intellectually. Then again, I know he’d go along with anything I wanted to do, because he just wants to make me happy. I’m just not sure that’s enough. Because of all the pros about him and my previous bad choices, I made myself give him a chance. Perhaps I’m just sabotaging things because subconsciously I don’t feel I deserve all this kindness. —Hesitant Wanting to want someone isn’t enough. Eventually, when he starts getting all smoochy-feely, your head will lecture your retreating funparts, “Come on…he’s so nice. You should want to get it on,” and your body will counter with, “Unfortunately, you’d rather have your face eaten off by a raccoon.” If only one of the “many nice things” this guy does for you could be transforming himself into somebody you’re actually attracted to. You, like many wellmeaning but misguided idealists, want to believe you can become attracted to somebody the way you can learn to fly-fish or bartend. Sure, great people sometimes get more attractive as you get to know them. But for them to get attractive enough for you to want to get naked with them, they have to have enough of the stuff you need in a person to go “hubba-hubba” instead of “yawna-yawna” or worse: “Get away from me, or I’ll scream.” You say you’ve had doubts creeping in, and around the top of the list should be, “Is he a man or a purse dog?” It’s a bad sign if he really would “go along with anything (you) wanted to do.” His unflagging eagerness to please suggests he’s one of those guys who think they have to buy a woman’s company with their cash and compliance. On a more positive note, this pleaserhood does resolve the matching interests issue, since one big thing you have in common is that he likes whatever you like. (Have you nicknamed him “Xerox”?) If you don’t feel you deserve a nice guy, that’s something to address, but not by bolting yourself to some all-weather Santa you find borderline dumb and about as sexy as grout. You need to hold out for physical, emotional, intellectual, and best friend-ly chemistry. A guy should also be enough of a person to sometimes find what you want to do hellishly boring or excruciatingly girly and suggest you do it alone or with a friend. If he’s right for you, at times when he isn’t right there with you, you’ll probably find yourself wandering off into fantasies about him — and not the sort in which the guy gets kidnapped immediately after paying for dinner.
GROIN PAINS
I’m 21, and I’ve just gotten my first girlfriend, this amazing girl I’ve known since high school. I lost my virginity to her, and I’ve since started having sex dreams about my female friends. Two of these girls are recently single and have been hanging with me a lot and using me for a shoulder to cry on. I love my girlfriend, but the opportunity for stepping out, combined with my overactive libido, has me worried. —Itchy When you’re a 21-year-old guy who has just discovered sex and is looking to remain faithful, loving someone deeply is a start. It also helps to pay someone to knock you unconscious and encase you in a block of ice. Welcome to the 20-something male libido. In other words, of course you’re having sex dreams about your female friends. (You were expecting recurring thoughts about stenciling wall art in the front room?) Life consists of tradeoffs. You can have a girlfriend or a sex buffet. Pick one. And be realistic. Your heart might belong to your girlfriend, but if other parts of you are raring to go all Dora the Explorer, you may need to have a bunch of sex friends before you’re one woman’s boyfriend. If you do choose love, be mindful about how easy it is to succumb to temptation. Keep yourself out of harm’s way with some rules, like that you aren’t allowed to be alone with lonely single women, except maybe those who’d have a hard time catching you because they are 90 and didn’t get the motorized scooter that goes up to turbo. n ©2013, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)
56 INLANDER SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
EVENTS | CALENDAR PANHANDLE PARKS FOUNDATION GOLF TOURNEY Second annual tournament benefiting the nonprofit Sept. 16 starting at 7:30 am. $225/person. The Golf Course at Black Rock, 18168 S. Kimberlite Dr., CdA. panhandleparksfoundation.org (208-651-6271)
THEATER
DEATHTRAP Comedic thriller performed by the JACC's Theatre Troupe. Sept. 12-15, Thu-Sat at 7 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $10-$15. The Jacklin Arts & Cultural Center, 405 N. William St., Post Falls. thejacklincenter.org (208-457-8950) QUICK EXIT Peformance of an original play by Chris Herron. Sept. 13-14 at 7:30 pm. Panida Theater, 300 N. First Ave., Sandpoint. (208-263-9191) HOG HEAVEN Performance of an original script as a college scholarship fundraiser. Sept. 13-15, Fri-Sat at 7 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $10. Green Bluff Grange, 9809 E. Greenbluff Rd. oldorchardtheatre.com THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST Performance of the Oscar Wilde play. Sept. 13-29, Fri-Sat at 7 pm, Sun at 3 pm. $5-$12. Pend Oreille Playhouse, 240 N. Union Ave, Newport. pendoreilleplayhouse.org (671-3389) THE ODD COUPLE Female character version of the Neil Simon play. Through Sept. 22, Fri-Sat at 7 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $12-$14. Ignite Community Theatre, 10814 E. Broadway Ave. ignitetheatre.org DAMN YANKEES Musical comedy. Sept. 13-Oct. 5. Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $14-$20. Lake City Playhouse, 1320 E. Garden Ave. lakecityplayhouse.org (208-667-1323) BACK STAGE TOUR & PROP SALE Preview the set of the season opener "Brighton Beach Memoirs," tour the theater's latest improvements and shop the excess prop inventory. Sept. 15 from 4-6 pm. Free admission. Interplayers Theatre, 174 S. Howard St. interplayerstheatre.org (455-7529)
VISUAL ARTS
DRAWN TO THE WALL V Invitational exhibtion featuring drawing installations by prominent local artists. Through Oct. 12. Public reception Sept. 12 from 6-8 pm, walk-through Sept. 13 at 10:30 am. Jundt Art Museum, 502 E. Boone. gonzaga.edu/jundt (313-6611)
RABBITY INTERLUDE Art show inspired by the artist's recent trip to Scotland. Through Sept. 28. Tinman Gallery, 811 W. Garland.( 325-1500) PAULINE ANDERSON HAAS "Compulsive Continuation: A Celebration of Her 90th" exhibition. Through Nov. 1. Gallery hours Mon-Fri 8 am-5 pm, Sat 10 am-2 pm. Bryan Oliver Gallery, Whitworth University. (777-3258 ARTIST'S SHOWCASE PREVIEW Preview the artwork featured in the Spokane Valley Arts Council's 7th annual benefit auction. Through Sept. 27. Pacific Flyway Gallery, 409 S. Dishman Mica Rd. (747-0812) PALOUSE PLEIN AIR Fourth annual outdoor painting festival and competition hosted by the Moscow Arts Commission. Painting runs from Sept. 1320, artist reception/awards ceremony Sept. 20 from 5-7 pm. $20/participant. Third Street Gallery, 206 E. Third Ave. (208-883-7036) HAROLD BALAZS AND MEL MCCUDDIN The gallery's 150th show features work by the two notable artists. Sept. 13-Oct. 5, artist reception Sept. 13 from 5-8, artist demo/talk Sept. 14 at 1 pm. The Art Spirit Gallery, 415 Sherman Ave., CdA. (208-765-6006) SANDPOINT AT NIGHT Exhibit featuring artwork depicting Sandpoint between sunset and sunrise. Sept. 13Oct. 5. Redtail Gallery, 518 S. Oak St., Sandpoint. (208-964-8066) BEGIN! Monthly, all-ages after-work party featuring complimentary admission to the museum's exhibits, no-host bar, music by Lilac Linguistics and more. Sept. 13 from 6-8 pm. Free. The MAC, 2316 W. First Ave. (456-3931) COEUR D'ALENE ARTWALK Monthly art showcase at downtown galleries and businesses. Sept. 13 from 5-8 pm. Free. Downtown Coeur d'Alene. artsincda.org (208-292-1629) TOWN & COUNTRY ART STUDIO TOUR 10th annual self-guided tour featuring multiple artists. Sept. 14-15, Sat 10 am-5 pm, Sun 11 am-5 pm. Free. studioarttour.com ART ON THE AVE Cultural community event featuring live music, visual art displays, food vendors and more. Sept. 14 from 3-7 pm. Free to attend. International District, East Sprague between Madelia and Napa St. facebook.com/artontheave HOPPED UP ON ART, MUSIC AND BEER Evening showcase featuring local artists' work, live music and beer. Sept. 14 from 2-9 pm. Hopped Up Brewing Co.,
10421 E. Sprague Ave. facebook.com/ hoppedupbrew (413-2488)
WORDS
JAMIE FORD Talk and book signing by the Washington native and NYT best-selling author for the release of his next novel "Songs of Willow Frost." Sept. 11 at 7 pm. Free, reservations required. Auntie's, 402 W. Main Ave. auntiesbooks.com (838-0206) JONATHAN EVISON The Washingtonbased, award-winning author will read and sign copies. Sept. 11 at 7:30 pm. Free. BookPeople, 521 S. Main St., Moscow. (208-882-2669) MIKE BULLARD Book talk by the author of "Lioness of Idaho: Louise Shadduck and the Power of Polite." Sept. 12 at 7 pm. Free. CdA Public Library, 702 E. Front Ave. (208-769-2315) MICHAEL HOUBRICK Signing of the author's children's book "The Rat Pack of Hollywood Visits the State Fair." Sept. 13. Auntie's, 402 W. Main St. theratpackofhollywood.com (953-8210) PENN WALLACE Reading and signing of the author's book "Blue Water & Me." Sept. 14 at 7 pm. Free. Auntie's, 402 W. Main. 838-0206) JOAN KOPCZYNSKI Book signing of the author's work "Spies, Lies and Psychosis." Sept. 14 from 2-4 pm. Hastings, 15312 E. Sprague Ave. (534-0372) SPOKANE POETRY SLAM Performance poetry competition open to all. Sept. 15, sign-ups at 8:30 pm, starts at 9 pm. $5. Lantern Tap House, 1004 S. Perry St. (315-9531) J.A. JANCE Reading and signing with the NYT-bestselling author of several book series. Sept. 16 at 7 pm. Free. Auntie's, 402 W. Main. (838-0206) CONSTITUTION DAY LECTURE "Guns, Marriage and Corporations: How the Surpreme Court is Approaching Today's Critical Constitutional Issues" by attorney and Center for Justice director Breean Beggs. Sept. 17 at 7:30 pm. Free. Whitworth University, Weyerhaeuser Hall. (777-4937) BROKEN MIC Spoken word open mic night. Wednesdays at 6 pm. All-ages. Free. Neato Burrito, 827 W. First Ave. (847-1234) JESS WALTER Local author Jess Walter presents as part of the YWCA's Social & Racial Justice Beloved Community Book Club. Sept. 18 from 5:30-7 pm. YWCA, 930 N. Monroe St. ywcaspokane.org (326-1190) n