RELATIONSHIPS
Advice Goddess AMBIVALENCE ACTUALLY
AMY ALKON
My boyfriend of two years read my diary and found out that I had expressed feelings for another guy while we were together. I never acted on them (and I wouldn’t have), and I probably shouldn’t have told the guy I liked him. But my boyfriend shouldn’t have been reading my diary! He broke up with me, saying he wouldn’t be able to forgive me. Now he wants to come back. What should I do? I don’t feel that I can trust him now. —Disturbed
Having regular sex with you does not give another person the right to rake through your diary like it’s the $1 bin at Goodwill. Your boyfriend probably equated your approaching this other guy with an attempt to cheat, but it sounds like it was something different — a sort of preliminary investigation into whether you had any chance with that guy. It turns out that we have a sort of inner auditing department that gets triggered to calculate whether “the one!!!” should maybe be that other one. Accordingly, research by evolutionary psychologists Joshua Duntley and David Buss and their colleagues suggests that we evolved to cultivate romantic understudies — backup mates whom we can quickly slot in as partners if our partner, say, dies or ditches us or their “mate value” suddenly takes a dive. What else might trigger going for — or at least testing the waters with — a backup mate? Well, though you didn’t have sex with this other guy, it seems instructive to look at why women tend to have affairs. Research by the late psychologist Shirley Glass finds that women view seeking love and emotional intimacy as the most compelling justification for cheating. (Seventy-seven percent of women surveyed saw this as a compelling reason to have an affair, compared with only 43 percent of the men. Men were more likely to see sexual excitement as a compelling justification to stray — with 75 percent of the men, versus 53 percent of the women, giving that reason.) As for whether you should take your boyfriend back, the question is: What was missing that led you to try to trade up, and is it still missing? We’re prone (per what’s called the “sunk cost fallacy”) to want to keep putting time and energy into things we’ve already put time and energy into, but the way to judge whether something’s actually worthwhile is to assess how well it’s likely to pay off in the future. If you feel (and act) more certain about your partner, he is less likely to have mateguarding impulses triggered (like the temptation to snoop). However, if you do get back together with this guy, privacy rules need to be spelled out — and followed. (Presumably, your daily journal entries start with “Dear Diary,” not “To Whom It May Concern.”)
PARADISE FLOSSED
My husband and I were visiting friends, and he started walking around their house flossing his teeth. I told him this is not okay, but I couldn’t really tell him why. Could you please explain why it’s not appropriate to go around flossing so I can tell him and get him to stop?! —Embarrassed What’s next, margaritas and oral surgery on the deck? Locking doors didn’t get added to bathrooms as some sort of design quirk (like shutters that don’t shut on those aluminum siding “Tudor” houses in suburbia). Most of the behaviors we perform in bathrooms aren’t all that audience-friendly — which is surely why we don’t see Netflix specials like “Mr. Jones Takes a Poo.” Though that activity, like flossing, has health benefits, the rest of us don’t need to bear witness. In fact, we’re grossed out if we have to — and we seem to have evolved to feel that way. Evolutionary psychologist Joshua M. Tybur, who researches disgust, explains that our capacity for getting grossed out seems to help us avoid disease-causing microorganisms, which could put a crimp in our being able to survive and pass on our genes. Disgust basically acts as a psychological “Keep Out!” sign when we encounter things that could infect us, like bodily fluids, spoiled foods, insects, rodents, and dead bodies. Whether disgust is likely to be triggered is actually the perfect guideline for whether some behavior is a no-go in public. As I put it in my science-based manners book, “Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck,” “consider how pathogens are spread from person to person. If whatever behavior you’re contemplating could cause some bit of something — a piece of chewed food or some bodily icky — to go airborne, it’s bathroom behavior.” Explain this to your husband. Ideally, if he has some news to share with your friends, it isn’t something along the lines of “Oh, my bad — a speck of cilantro from last week’s sandwich just hit your light fixture.” n ©2018, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)
60 INLANDER JUNE 7, 2018
EVENTS | CALENDAR
THEATER
PLAYWRIGHTS’ FESTIVAL FORUM The 30th annual event showcases new, one-act plays by playwrights from across the region. June 7-17; Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $15. Spokane Civic Theatre, 1020 N. Howard St. spokanecivictheatre.com (325-2507) HELLO, DOLLY! The beloved tale of Dolly Gallagher-Levi, the brassy and charismatic matchmaker who turns heads and hearts in turn-of-the-century New York. Through June 10; Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $15-$32. Spokane Civic Theatre, 1020 N. Howard St. spokanecivictheatre.com (325-2507) CHAOS IN CAMELOT Morgan Le Fay and her bumbling assistants are plotting to get rid of King Arthur. But their efforts are thwarted by a crazy ogre, who demands to know what women really want, and threatens to eat everyone in the kingdom until he finds out. June 8-9 and 14-16 at 7 pm, June 9 and 16 at 2 pm. $8. Liberty Lake Community Theatre, 22910 E. Appleway. libertylaketheatre.com GOD’S COUNTRY This highly theatrical docudrama, based on real events in the Northwest, is about the growing white supremacist movement in America, those dedicated to violent revolution and the expulsion from “God’s Country” of non Aryans. Through June 10; Fri-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $20. Stage Left Theater, 108 W. Third Ave. spokanestageleft.org IS HE DEAD? Jean-Francois Millet, a young painter, is in love with Marie Leroux, but in debt to a villainous picturedealer. June 8-24; Fri-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $12-$15. Ignite! Community Theatre, 10814 E. Broadway Ave. igniteonbroadway.org FOREVER PLAID When four young singers are killed in a car crash on their way to their first big gig, they posthumously take the stage for one final concert in this goofy nostalgia trip. June 14-July 1; Wed-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $27-$49. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd. cdasummertheatre.com
VISUAL ARTS
ABOVE THE FOLD: NEW EXPRESSIONS IN ORIGAMI Nine international artists push the boundaries of paper to create bold, large-scale origami works. What was once considered a children’s craft becomes a sophisticated and often breathtaking artform. June 2-July 15; Tue-Sat from 10 am-5 pm. $5-$10. Northwest Museum of Arts & Culture, 2316 W. First. northwestmuseum.org CLOSE IN: INLAND NORTHWEST JURIED LANDSCAPE ART EXHIBITION Organized by Jundt director/curator Paul Manoguerra and curator of education Karen Kaiser, the exhibition focuses on Inland Northwest landscape-based objects created by artists from the region. Through Aug. 11; Mon-Sat from 10 am-4 pm. Free admission. Jundt Art Museum, 200 E. Desmet Ave. gonzaga.edu/jundt CONTEMPORARY NORTHWEST ART: LIZ BISHOP The accomplished artist and art teacher from Spokane Valley,received an AA from SFCC and graduated Cum Laude with a Fine Arts Degree from Whitworth University, where she also taught ceramic classes. She is a long-time instructor at the Spo-
kane Art School and has run the ceramics lab there. Through July 1; Tue-Sun 10 am-5 pm. $5-$10. Northwest Museum of Arts & Culture, 2316 W. First Ave. northwestmuseum.org (509-456-3931) SMASH: 2018 VCD BFA SHOWCASE EWU’s Visual Communication Design BFA program focuses on a culminating project that conveys an issue important to each student; this year’s exhibit is all about “smashing” the norm. May 21June 14; Mon-Fri from noon-5 pm. Free. EWU Downtown Student Gallery, 404 Second St. ewu.edu/downtowngallery SONDER Join SFCC AFA/CFA Graduates for their senior art exhibition. Through June 8; Mon-Fri from 8:30 am-3:30 pm. Free. Spokane Falls Community College, 3410 W. Fort George Wright Dr. spokanefalls.edu (509-533-3500) THURSDAY NIGHT ART FEATURE Each week, local artists set up in front of the shop for demos and to display their wares. Thursdays from 3:30-6:30 pm, through Sept. 6. Free. Tsuga Arts Northwest, 1114 S. Perry. (768-1268) ART SALE/FUNDRAISER FOR JUVENILE JUSTICE OUTREACH The gallery welcomes and partners with artist, chaplain, mentor, counselor and friend Jeff Cheeseborough to help raise money for the Juvenile Justice Outreach program. Jeff’s vibrant, acrylic pour art is on display June 8-24; gallery open daily from 9 am-6 pm. Free. Blackwell Gallery, 205 Sherman Ave. blackwellgallerycda.com (208-699-2116) EMERGE POP-UP SHOW The 5th annual event showcases work by dozens of local and regional artists in the visual arts, film, theater and performance. Artists featured were selected by a panel of professional artists and mentors. Location in downtown Coeur d’Alene TBA. June 8, 5 pm-midnight. Emerge, 208 N. Fourth. emergecda.org THE GRAD SHOW Spokane Falls Community College graduating students display graphic design, photography, interior design and digital media portfolios. June 8, 5-8 pm. Free. Riverside Place, 1108 W. Riverside. (747-1200) IT’S A WATERCOLOR WORLD A curated show featuring local watercolor artists Andy Sewell, Cheryll Root, Janet Vogtman, Greg Chapleski, Judy Mousseau, Peggy Conrad and Stephanie Sarro. Opening reception June 8 from 5-8 pm. Show runs through July 9; open daily 9 am-6 pm. Free. Blackwell Gallery, 205 Sherman Ave. blackwellgallerycda.com (208-699-2116) MICHAEL HORSWILL AND ALLEN & MARY DEE DODGE A showcase of new works by local artists Michael Horswill (relief sculpture) and Allen and Mary Dee Dodge, who have created 70 new pieces, individually and collectively, just for this show. June 8-July 7; open daily from 9 am-6 pm. Free to view. Art Spirit Gallery, 415 Sherman Ave. theartspiritgallery.com (208-765-6006) PLANTASIA Celebrate summer with an art show inspired by Mort Garson’s “Plantasia!” Featuring Plantasia inspired art, live plants, and a listening party. One third of all proceeds go towards the cancer funds of Kelly Vaughn and Susan Webber. June 8, 6-9 pm. Free. Resurrection Records, 1927 W. Northwest Blvd. (853-0591) SECOND FRIDAY ARTWALK Coeur d’Alene’s monthly celebration of local art, with galleries around downtown hosting artist receptions, live music and more. Second Friday of the month, from
5-8 pm, April through December. Free. Downtown Coeur d’Alene, Sherman Ave. artsandculturecda.org/artwalk COEUR D’ALENE ARTIST STUDIO TOUR Visit local artists at work in and around the Coeur d’Alene area. The event features fine artwork on display and sale including pottery, oil painting, jewelry, sculpture, metal art, drawings, acrylics, glass work and more. June 9-10 from 11 am-4 pm. $10. artsandculturecda.org/artists-studio-tour/ HANG OUT TIME WITH REMELISA CULLITAN The local artist hosts a casual afternoon of chatting; come if you have burning questions about her work, or art in general. June 9, 12-3 pm. Free. Saranac Art Projects, 25 W. Main. saranacartprojects.wordpress.com SAYAKA GANZ: RECLAIMED CREATIONS Creating energy and harmony from discarded plastic objects, eco-artist Sayaka Ganz’s graceful and dramatic sculptures of animals in motion convey a spirit of renewal. June 9-Aug. 26; TueSun from 10 am-5 pm. $5-$10. The MAC, 2316 W. First. northwestmuseum.org
WORDS
CREATING COLLAGE POETRY Combine elements of poetry and collage in this hands-on workshop led by Spokane poet Kat Smith. All experience levels welcome. June 7, 7-9 pm. Free. Spark Central, 1214 W. Summit Pkwy. spark-central.org (279-0299) ADVENTURE & DRAWINGS FROM KLEE WYCK JOURNAL After many years of paddling the waterways and outer coasts of the Pacific Northwest, author and artist Lou McKee planned a short kayaking trip near Vancouver Island with friends and family that unexpectedly became a yearly tradition. June 7, 6:30-9 pm. Free. CenterPlace Regional Event Center, 2426 N. Discovery Place Dr. tieg.org JOS CHARLES & TANEUM BAMBRICK: A NIGHT OF POETRY Jos Charles is a trans poet, editor and author of feeld (Milkweed Editions, 2018) and Safe Space (Ahsahta Press, 2016). Recently named a Stegner Fellow at Stanford University, Taneum Bambrick is the author of Reservoir, which was selected by Ocean Vuong for the 2017 Yemassee Chapbook Contest. June 12, 7 pm. Free. Auntie’s Bookstore, 402 W. Main Ave. auntiesbooks.com SPOKANE POETRY SLAM SUMMER SERIES Join us for pulled pork sandwiches (vegan option available) and poetry. Bring your own camping chairs and your words as we break bread and fundraise to send Spokane to Chicago this August for the National Poetry Slam. Visit link for event address. June 12, 7 pm. bit.ly/2JvL0sv BROKEN MIC Spokane Poetry Slam’s longest-running, weekly open mic reading series, open to all readers and all-ages. Wednesdays at 6:30 pm. Free. Neato Burrito, 827 W. First Ave. spokanepoetryslam.org (509-847-1234) STEVE TOUTONGHI: SIDE LIFE The Seattle-based author’s new release from Soho Press. “Side Life,” is “smart, paranoid literary science fiction crossover for fans of Blake Crouch and Philip K. Dick, set in present-day Seattle.” June 13, 7 pm. Free. Auntie’s Bookstore, 402 W. Main Ave. auntiesbooks.com n