RELATIONSHIPS
Advice Goddess Kin i See You nAKed?
AMY ALKON
I’m 22 and deeply in love with the wrong person — my uncle-in-law (my mom’s sister’s husband). We started confiding in each other, one thing led to another, and we’ve been sleeping together for over a year. I’m so drawn to him. He’s magnetic, charming, a great person, and a devoted dad. I know I need to end this, and before my family discovers it, but my lust for him seems insatiable. —Drowning
It’s sometimes good to confide things of a personal nature to one’s uncle — like that your mother always loved your brother more, not that you aren’t wearing any panties. Don’t kid yourself that you’re into the guy for all of his great qualities, like what a “devoted dad” he is — a term not typically used to describe a dad devoted to sneaking out to meet his niece for sex. Your “insatiability” is textbook behavioral conditioning. Lab rats that only sporadically get a pellet when they push the little bar become obsessed with pushing it. Rats that get a pellet every time will stop pushing when they’re no longer hungry and go about their ratty business. Likewise, if this guy were totally available — if you could get sex pellets on demand — you’d stop seeing him through a junkie’s glazed eyes and notice who he actually is: a guy who doesn’t care enough about devastating his wife and kids to keep his willy in its cage. You aren’t going to stop lusting after Uncle Romeo; what you can stop is the behavior that follows: running off to have a sex date with him. Tell him it’s over, and then come up with replacement behavior — maybe doing an hour of killer cardio — to plug in whenever the uncle lust bubbles up. To help maintain your resolve, especially at first, consider the kind of woman you want to be. Do the sorts of things this woman would do and avoid doing the sorts of things (and people) she wouldn’t. For example, it might be nice to find a guy who loves being around your family, but not because he’s already married to somebody in it. And finally, when you’re thinking of activities more in keeping with the new you, consider the obvious — that if you’re meeting your sex partners at family gatherings, you really need to get out more.
MAKinG StAll tAlK
After three years of dating, I’m ready to propose to my girlfriend. She’s in college across the country now, so I’m waiting until late February when she’ll be home to visit. My plan is to take her on our favorite hike and ask her there. The thing is, we’ve been arguing about when (and if) I’m going to propose. It’s starting to get awkward and maybe even hurting our relationship, but I’d hate to ruin the surprise by telling her I’ll be proposing in a few months and not to worry. Any ideas on how I can keep the peace while keeping my secret? —The Gloom At a certain point, a woman starts to believe the only way she’ll get rice thrown at her is to start a food fight at a Chinese restaurant. Of course you want to propose just right, out in nature, complete with small woodland animals holding the “Will you marry me?” sign and breaking out in song. The reality is, you’ll probably do okay with just about any proposal that includes a diamond ring and the words, “Will you marry me?” (Ever hear of a woman complaining, “Yeah, all he did is get down on one knee, pull out the little velvet box and tell me he wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together”?) So maybe what’s better than the perfect proposal is the perfect-enough proposal — the one that comes before your girlfriend builds up so much resentment that she changes her voicemail message to “Sorry, can’t come to the phone right now. I’m having revenge sex with the guy in the next dorm room.” You’re smart to want to take advantage of the romantic power of surprise, but you can do that on any old Wednesday. My suggestion is that you get on the phone with her one morning (extremely soon) and make like your boss has interrupted your call. Tell her you’ll talk to her later, and do that — at her door on one knee. The unexpectedness and the extravagance of your flying there will give her a romantic story to tell in class the next day, and doing it sooner rather than later will allow her to spend the next few months engaged instead of enraged. (Not to worry — you’ll have a lifetime of opportunities to make her so pissed off that she refuses to have sex with you ever again.) n ©2013, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)
48 INLANDER JANUARY 2, 2014
EVENTS | CALENDAR SQUARE DANCING Introductory lessons with live callers. Jan. 4, 8 pm. Free. Western Dance Center, 1901 N. Sullivan. squaredancespokane.org (979-2607) SOCIAL JUSTICE PANEL “Making a Difference: You Can Do it Too” panel featuring Jackie Vaughn (immigration reform), Molly Fitzpatrick (Odyssey Youth), Angela Webster (Smart Justice campaign organizer) and Liz Moore (PJALS). Held in PUB 206. Jan. 9, 1-2 pm. Free. EWU, Cheney. (359-2898) SCRAPS VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION Learn about the volunteer opportunities available with the Spokane County Regional Animal Protection Services. Jan. 11, 10 am. SCRAPS, 2521 N. Flora Rd. spokanecounty.org/SCRAPS (4772769) INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE Hosted by the Spokane Folklore Society, no partner or experience necessary. Jan. 14, 7-9 pm. Suggested $3 donation. Unitarian Universalist Church, 4340 W. Fort George Wright Dr. spokanefolklore.org (747-2640) INSURANCE EXCHANGE WORKSHOP: Learn about the new Wash. Healthfinder insurance exchange, including how to compare health plans, determine financial assistance eligibility and more. Jan. 15 and March 19 from 6-8 pm. Free. North Spokane Library, 44 E. Hawthorne Rd. (893-8350) MARTIN LUTHER KING CELEBRATION Hosted by the SFCC Black Student Union, featuring rapper Chuck D, of Public Enemy. Donations accepted to benefit the Martin Luther King Jr. Family Outreach Center. In the SFCC Music Bldg. Jan. 15, 10 am. Free. SFCC, 3410 W. Fort George Wright Dr. spokanefalls. edu (533-3500)
FILM
DOWNTON ABBEY SEASON 4 PREVIEW Friends of Idaho Public Television host a one-hour preview of Downton Abbey’s season 4 premiere, with hors d’oeuvres, no host bar and a costume contest. Jan. 4, 3 pm. $15. Hampton Inn & Suites, 1500 W. Riverstone Dr., CdA. (800 543-6868) THE MATRIX Action film, rated R. Jan. 7, 7 pm. $1. Garland Theater, 924 W. Garland Ave. (327-2509) DIRECTOR PELIN ESMER Screening of the Turkish independent filmmaker’s project “Watchtower,” and a post-screening talk back, presented by Caravanserai and the JACC. Jan. 8, 6 pm. $15-$20. Regal Cinemas Riverstone Stadium 14, 2416 Old Mill Loop, CdA. thejacklincenter.org. (208-457-8950) INTERNET CAT VIDEO FILM FESTIVAL Screening of the Walker Art Center’s second annual cat video film festival. Jan. 16, 9 pm. $20-$35. Knitting Factory, 919 W. Sprague. sp.knittingfactory. com (244-3279) KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM Comedy film shot in Spokane in 2010. Hosted by Spokane Comicon and featuring a Q&A session with local film producers/directors Rich Cowan and Adam Boyd. Jan. 21, 7:30 pm. $10. AMC River Park Square, 808 W. Main. tugg.com/ events/7280 (888-262-4386)
FOOD
VINO! WINE TASTING Friday features tastings of Vino’s Wine of the Month Club selections, Saturday features bargain wines for the new year’s budget. Wine also available by-the-glass; tast-
ings include cheese and crackers. Jan. 3, 3-6:30 pm and Jan. 4, 2-4:30 pm. $10/ event. Vino! A Wine Shop, 222 S. Washington St. vinowine.com (838-1229) ROAST HOUSE ANNIVERSARY PARTY The local coffee roaster celebrates its 4th anniversary with a buffet by The Wandering Table’s Adam Hegsted. No charge, reservations requested by Jan. 2. Jan. 6, 4-6 pm. Roast House Coffee, 423 E. Cleveland, Ste. C. facebook.com/ events/1378929882361782 (995-6500) THERE’S AN APP(ETIZER) FOR THAT Cooking class with Chef Laurie Faloon, on making appetizers for entertaining, including Superbowl parties. Jan. 10, 6-8 pm. $10. Inland Northwest Culinary Academy (INCA), 1810 N. Greene. incaafterdark.scc.spokane.edu (279-6030) VINO! WINE TASTING Friday features a hosted tasting with Merry Cellars, Saturday features wines from South America. Wine available by the glass, tastings include cheese and crackers. Jan. 10, 3-6:30 pm and Jan. 11, 2-4:30 pm. $10/event. Vino! A Wine Shop, 222 S. Washington. vinowine.com (838-1229) ITALIAN COOKING WITH CHEF ANGELO The chef/owner of Angelo’s Ristorante leads a class on cooking bruschetta, garlic mozzarella focaccia, chicken valdostana and more. Jan. 15, 5:30 pm. $50, reservations required. Jacklin Arts & Cultural Center, 405 N. William St., Post Falls (208-457-8950)
Ages 16+. Classes start on Jan. 4. $100. Deutsches Haus, 25 W. Third. ironcrown. us (385-8710) SPOKANE CHIEFS Hockey game vs. the Everett Silvertips. Jan. 4, 7:05 pm. $10-$20. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. (279-7000) SPOKANE SIZZLER Indoor co-ed sixon-six volleyball tournament. Jan. 4-5. Ages 18+. Team registration full, tickets for spectators still available. Convention Center, 334 W. Spokane Falls Blvd. spokanesizzler.com (456-5812) DETOX FLOW YOGA SERIES Fourweek course, some yoga or fitness experience suggested. Must pre-register by email. Wed at 6 pm starting Jan. 8. $48. Mellow Monkey Yoga, 9017 E. Euclid. (270-0001) INTRO TO YOGA SERIES Four-week beginner series; no experience necessary. Must pre-register by email. Wed at 7:15 pm starting Jan. 8. $48. Mellow Monkey Yoga, 9017 E. Euclid. mellowmonkeyyoga.com (270-0001) WSU MEN’S BASKETBALL VS. COLORADO PAC 12 conference regular season game. Jan. 8, 6 pm. $10-$60. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon. spokanearena.com (279-7000) SPOKANE CHIEFS Hockey game vs. the Kamloops Blazers. Jan. 10, 7:05 pm. $10-$20. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon. spokanearena.com (279-7000)
MUSIC
THEATER
SPOKANE AREA YOUTH CHOIRS AUDITIONS Second semester rehearsals for new members ages 7-18. Audition schedule now open through Jan. 15. Free. Westminster Congregational, 411 S. Washington. SAYChoirs.org (624-7992) AARON ST. CLAIR NICHOLSON Concert featuring Opera Coeur d’Alene’s asst. director. Jan. 4, 7:30 pm. $15-$20. Jacklin Arts & Cultural Center, 405 N. William St., Post Falls. thejacklincenter. org (208-457-8950) SPIRIT OF SPOKANE CHORUS Local women’s chorus specializing in four-part a capella harmony in a barbershop style. Meets Tues at 6:45 pm. Opportunity Presbyterian, 202 N. Pines. (218-4799) THE ROCK & WORSHIP ROADSHOW Christian music concert featuring Skillet, Third Day, Jamie Grace, Andy Mineo, Royal Tailor, Vertical Church Band, The Never Claim, We as Human, Soul Fire Revolution. Jan. 11, 6 pm. $10-$20. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon. spokanearena.com (279-7000) ANDY MCKEE Concert featuring the master fingerstyle guitar player. Jan. 13, 8 pm. $27. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. (227-7404)
SPORTS
SPOKANE CHIEFS Hockey game vs. the Victoria Royals. Jan. 3, 7:05 pm. $10-$20. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. (279-7000) HARMONY YOGA OPEN HOUSE Sample yoga classes including “Intro to Yoga Teacher Training.” Full schedule of open house classes online. Jan. 4, 9 am-6:30 pm. Free. Harmony Yoga, 1717 W. Sixth. harmonyoga.com (747-4430) MEDIEVAL & RENAISSANCE MARTIAL ARTS 12-week beginner’s course to facilitate awareness of these historical fighting forms, including fundamental concepts, movements and techniques.
AWAY IN A BASEMENT Holidaythemed musical comedy starring the lovable Church Basement Ladies. Through Jan. 5, Wed-Fri at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Also Jan. 2 and 4 at 2 pm. $12-$28. Interplayers Theatre, 174 S. Howard. interplayerstheatre.org (4557529) PLAY IN A DAY CYT North Idaho’s annual fundraiser event during which local children will produce the play “Hansel and Gretel” in 24 hours. Free to participate for ages 10-18, sign-ups online. Performance held Jan. 3 at 7:30 pm. $10-$15. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd. CdA. cytnorthidaho.org (208-765-8600)
VISUAL ARTS
CABIN FEVER Paintings, fine crafts and photography by local and regional artists. Jan. 2-31, 10 am. Free. Gallery Northwest, 217 E. Sherman, CdA. thegallerynorthwest.com (208-667-5700) FIRST FRIDAY Local galleries and businesses display new artwork for the month of January. Fri, Jan. 3, most artist receptions from 5-8 pm. Free to attend. Locations throughout downtown Spokane and beyond. Map and event descriptions at Inlander.com/FirstFriday MANZANAR: THE WARTIME PHOTOS OF ANSEL ADAMS Exhibition featuring 50 photographs of the Japanese-American internment camp in Manzanar, Calif. during WWII. Exhibit runs Jan. 4-March 29. Hosted walk-through Jan. 17 at 10:30 am. Gallery hours Mon-Sat 10 am-4 pm. Free admission. Jundt Art Museum, 502 E. Boone. gonzaga.edu/ jundt (313-6611) ROBIN HARVEY Acrylic, graphite, oil, pastel, watercolor and scratchboard art by the Asotin, Wash.-based artist. Jan 5-26, reception Jan. 5 from 1-4 pm. Gallery open Thurs-Sun 10 am-4 pm. Free to view. Dahmen Barn, 419 N. Park Way, Uniontown. artisanbarn.org (229-3414)