Head of School Letter

HEAD OF SCHOOL LETTER

Keeping Values at Our Core

Stephania Bendek ’22, Bella Smith ’22, Head of School Adam K. Man P’15, and Dean of Students Annie Crawford

I was once told that expressing to someone they were kind was a backhanded compliment. This individual explained that kindness is rather weak or bland of all the qualities you could praise in someone. That to be called things like brave or intelligent is a genuine compliment, but when calling someone kind, it appears like you have nothing significant to say about them or that you find them rather meek. I could not disagree more with this sentiment. Our ability to live together in a community productively is based upon kindness. It is kindness that holds together the social bonds of our society. Any group filled with brave and intelligent individuals will eventually collapse if people lack kindness. You can know all the answers to a test or be willing to head off to war, but if we cannot empathize with others, extend assistance, be humble, and think about the needs of others, we will quickly be at each other’s throats. I know that it can often be hard to be kind. We live in a society enamored of the soundbite, the more outrageous, the

better. People doing and saying things that seem extreme receive a lot more coverage than those in the middle trying to broker a compromise. Social media promotes the anonymous mean comment or cruel joke as the de facto response. On a daily basis, examples of people at their worst are played out on various media platforms. It is hard not to react from your gut, remember that this is not the norm, and not indulge your inner troll. When I watch our students act kindly to one another, I am most proud of them. Kindness is the student who invites a new student to join their group at lunch, who compliments a fellow student in class for their insight, who stands up to a bully.

Kindness is just one core value that guides us to fulfill our mission to develop the whole student, based on their unique learning profile, so that every graduate becomes an educated, confident, self-advocate throughout life. Several years ago, truth, respect, and kindness were determined as our core values to promote and support the fundamental governing principles that underscore every good community.

Truth has been at the core of Forman since the School was founded. This value comes from our original school shield, which included a section of the biblical text: “Ye Shall Know the Truth, and the Truth Shall Make You Free.” Scholars debate how best to interpret this biblical passage, but I have always felt that finding our inner truth was the true meaning. To connect with something bigger than ourselves and remain true to that.

I love working with adolescents because I find it is a time of life where young people challenge assumptions and start to establish their own moral compass. They begin to know what is important to them and prioritize these values and ideals; they find their inner truth. For some students, this takes on a spiritual or moral focus, while for others, it is grounded in a more ethical-based view of right and wrong. I regularly watch students grow into a sense of service to others or a deep commitment to the environment, among many other causes, that motivate them to do good. I also watch students wrestle with these feelings, sometimes conflicted by the pull of peers versus their own sense of what is right. This maturation process is often painful but such an essential part of moving to adulthood.

Of course, I want all of our students to be respectful to others, but I think the embodiment of this value at Forman is learning to respect oneself. Many students arrive at Forman having had negative educational experiences before enrollment. They were made to feel like an academic outsider, working twice as hard as their peers without the same level of success. They question their role as a student, whether they matter in an educational setting, how they might make their own unique contribution. We, as their teachers, see all of their potential but know they will not achieve it until they believe in themselves and respect their talents. This sense of self-respect does not suddenly turn on like a lightbulb; it grows slowly, in fits and starts, as they find success and realize that they matter in the world of academics. Once this occurs, I find that their respect for others grows. Their self-confidence is now firmly established, and they are able to appreciate and be grateful for the contributions of others.

Each core value stands alone and each one helps develop the other. We seek to cultivate and reinforce the core values on a daily basis. When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, we realized we needed to do even more to foster these values at Forman. We have been more intentional than ever in developing our community, establishing our norms, and helping every student be their best self. One key part of this process was the establishment of the Truth, Respect, and Kindness Expedition/Experience (TReK) program. A grade-level expedition at the start of the year builds the bonds of our students, instilling each student with the knowledge to live out these values. To further that goal, experiences throughout the year develop the core values further through various programming, prompting students to grow as a member of the Forman community.

With truth, respect, and kindness at the core of Forman, we are committed to embracing differences, learning from others, and standing up for positive change.

Adam K. Man P’15 Head of School

“We have been more intentional than ever in developing our community, establishing our norms, and helping every student be their best self.”