The Daily Reveille
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
THE C-SECTION
Opinion
page 9
Citizens’ right to arrest DUI offenders a vigilante’s dream Fellow vigilante Tigers, I have great news. The Louisiana Court of Appeals ruled Nov. 15 that citizens have the right to make DUI arrests. The ruling came after an off-duty Gretna Police detective, Brian Rico, pulled a man over in December 2006 for swerving instead of waiting for on-duty officers to arrive. Rico discovered the man, Tracy L. Common, was highly intoxicated and in possession of Ecstasy and $2,000 worth of marijuana. In court, Common argued the evidence should be thrown out because Rico violated his constitutional rights. The court said Rico was acting as a private citizen and had the right to search Common. Louisiana law allows citizens to make arrests if a person is committing a felony, and driving in a way that endangers life is covered by the highway obstruction statute, thus making it legal to arrest people who appear to be driving drunk. For vigilantes, this is amazing news. Before, we could only
set out on dark nights to stalk unlucky felony offenders. Now our job has gotten much easier. Before taking to the streets to arrest some unlucky drunks, let’s take a look at what you may need to take down these menacing criminals. First, I recommend a car that looks something like a Ba- Chris Grillot Columnist ton Rouge Police Department cruiser. A white Chevrolet Impala is your best bet, but if your victim is drunk enough he may disregard your vehicle’s model. You’ll also need to outfit your cruiser with a fake police light, which can be found on Amazon — take advantage of the free Prime membership for students and start your vigilante justice this weekend! Next, every crime fighter needs a costume. You can be creative here. If you’re insanely unoriginal, you’ll go Batman or Lt. Dangle. If you want to test the
waters, try pulling someone over while dressed as a pig — just for laughs, though real police may not appreciate it. Then you have to arm yourself — your felon may get a little mean when he realizes you aren’t a cop. Despite the vehement cries from Occupy protesters, I’d recommend a hefty bottle of pepper spray — or two bottles, if you learned anything from the UC Davis videos. These weapons even come in imitation pistol models for authenticity and supreme intimidation factor. If you think like an Occupy protester and feel pepper spray is lethal, get a nice stun gun (only $14.98 on Amazon). There’s nothing like a good tazing on a drunk driver who tries to scrap. Lastly, you have two choices — detain the drunk until real police arrive or transport him to the police station. Regardless of what you do, either duct tape or zip ties around the wrists should do the trick, preventing your prey from lashing out in a drunken rage when his vision clears, and
he realized you’re only dressed as swine. Once you’ve got your vigilante whip, authentic costume and non-lethal weapon, it’s time to pick prime areas to stalk. Obviously, Tigerland is paramount. Just imagine the sheer amount of drunk drivers who stumble out of these bars throughout the night. And if you want to wait around until 2 a.m., well, sir, you’ve hit the jackpot. Hundreds of vomit-stained, Polo-wearing bros will lumber into the parking lot, drunkenly hitting the unlock button on their keys to find their F-150s and Chevy Tahoes. Then it’s open season. You have two choices. First, you can wait for them to start their engines, then bang on the door. This method will probably cause a fight — gas-guzzling F-150s are prized possessions among male college students in the Sportsman’s Paradise. If your target is angered, get the stun gun or pepper spray ready.
Or you can wait for them to drive off, flip on your fake police light and make a routine traffic stop. “What about Shady’s and Bogies?” you ask. “Everyone who drives down East Boyd is drunk after 10 p.m.” This is true. East Boyd is a hotspot, but you run the risk of becoming the victim of a hit-andrun. Finally, when the night is over, you can be proud you exercised your constitutional rights. Buy yourself a nice big beer, but not after 2 a.m. — that’s illegal. Disclaimer: While getting drunk drivers off the street is a noble undertaking, please disregard everything I just said. Merry Christmas. Chris Grillot is a 20-year-old English and mass communication junior from New Orleans. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_cgrillot.
Contact Chris Grillot at cgrillot@lsureveille.com
THE G-SPOT
Growing popularity increases need for anal health awareness
A relatively taboo subject, anal intercourse is growing in popularity. But it’s been around forever. A practice deemed a crime against nature and once widely viewed as exclusively homosexual is now prominent among heterosexual couples, as well. A study by The Journal of Sexual Medi- Gabie Bacques Columnist cine recently found that 46 percent of women between ages 20 and 39 have tried anal intercourse. This is a 13 percent increase since 1992, which indicates either more people are trying it or more are willing to admit it. It may not be the most appealing topic, and is certainly frowned upon by most religious organizations. But people are doing it. More significantly, many young people are experimenting with such activities, whether they own up to it or not. Either way, being educated about the potential health concerns and risks is of utmost importance. Your booty call may need some more convincing after looking at the fine print. First of all, if a couple is resorting to anal intercourse to avoid a pregnancy, they need to think again, especially if a
condom is not being used. About 8 percent of couples who use this birth-control method end up pregnant. While the risks are low, the possibility of conceiving is still there — it’s always there. It is more likely for a condom to break from anal penetration, but there are a multitude of reasons not to pass on protection. Although using a condom may seem unnecessary, protection should always be a priority. Let’s start with hygiene. This area is a haven for bacteria, so the likelihood of receiving an infection is certainly elevated. That’s not even touching on STD risks, which are still prevalent in buggery business. Introducing bacteria from the anal area to others can lead to many infections, most commonly urinary tract infections in women. Because of obvious hygienic reasons, as well as STD risks, extra care should be taken when engaging in other forms of pleasure following anal contact. Now that we’ve covered infection risks, it’s time to talk about the good stuff — injury. The lining of the anus is much thinner than vaginal walls and can be prone to small tears, or fissures. Since this orifice was not designed for aforementioned action, the muscles that control what it was made for can weaken from frequent abrasive interaction. It’s almost required (and
certainly considerate) to use a water-based lubricant when engaging in anal pleasure to avoid pain and injury, since it does not secrete its own natural lubricant. Another major health concern is anal cancer. This is generally attributed to HPV infection in the anus. Being vaccinated for HPV can help protect against this virus that has been the cause of about 90 percent of anal cancer cases. These days, this vaccine is a good idea for both men and
women, in general, even if you prefer to stay on the sidelines. It may or may not sound tempting, but engaging in anal intercourse is without a doubt growing in popularity. Like any sexual activity, precautions must be taken, and adequate communication between partners is important for such an uncomfortable affair. Although taking the time to educate yourself on these risks is, well, anal, it’s completely worth
it. Whether you’re the catcher or the pitcher, knowing how to avoid infection or injury on both ends is crucial to a pleasurable experience. Gabie Bacques is a 21-year-old animal science senior from Mandeville. Follow her on Twitter @TDR_Gbacques. Contact Gabie Bacques at gbacques@lsureveille.com
BEST AND WITTIEST
cartoon courtesy of KING FEATURES SYNDICATE